Partner with add

Adult ADHD and Relationships - HelpGuide.org

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Attention deficit hyperactivity disorder can cause misunderstandings, frustrations, and resentments in your closest relationships. But there are ways to build a healthier, happier partnership.

How does ADHD or ADD affect relationships?

While the distractibility, disorganization, and impulsivity of attention deficit hyperactivity disorder (ADHD or ADD) can cause problems in many areas of adult life, these symptoms can be particularly damaging when it comes to your closest relationships. This is especially true if the symptoms of ADHD have never been properly diagnosed or treated.

If you're the person with ADHD, you may feel like you're constantly being criticized, nagged, and micromanaged. No matter what you do, nothing seems to please your spouse or partner. You don't feel respected as an adult, so you find yourself avoiding your partner or saying whatever you have to in order to get them off your back. You wish your significant other could relax even a little bit and stop trying to control every aspect of your life. You wonder what happened to the person you fell in love with.

If you're in a relationship with someone who has ADHD, you may feel lonely, ignored, and unappreciated. You're tired of taking care of everything on your own and being the only responsible party in the relationship. You don't feel like you can rely on your partner. They never seem to follow through on promises, and you're forced to constantly issue reminders and demands or else just do things yourself. Sometimes it feels as if your significant other just doesn't care.

It’s easy to see how the feelings on both sides can contribute to a destructive cycle in the relationship. The non-ADHD partner complains, nags, and becomes increasingly resentful while the ADHD partner, feeling judged and misunderstood, gets defensive and pulls away. In the end, nobody is happy. But it doesn’t have to be this way. You can build a healthier, happier partnership by learning about the role ADHD plays in your relationship and how both of you can choose more positive and productive ways to respond to challenges and communicate with each other. With these strategies you can add greater understanding to your relationship and bring you closer together.

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Understanding the role of ADHD in adult relationships

Transforming your relationship starts with understanding the role that ADHD plays. Once you are able to identify how the symptoms are ADHD are influencing your interactions as a couple, you can learn better ways of responding. For the partner with ADHD, this means learning how to manage your symptoms. For the non-ADHD partner, this means learning how to react to frustrations in ways that encourage and motivate your partner.

Symptoms of ADHD that can cause relationship problems

Trouble paying attention. If you have ADHD, you may zone out during conversations, which can make your partner feel ignored and devalued. You may also miss important details or mindlessly agree to something you don't remember later, which can be frustrating to your loved one.

Forgetfulness. Even when someone with ADHD is paying attention, they may later forget what was promised or discussed. When it's your spouse's birthday or the formula you said you'd pick up, your partner may start to feel like you don't care or that you're unreliable.

Poor organizational skills. This can lead to difficulty finishing tasks as well as general household chaos. Partners may feel like they're always cleaning up after the person with ADHD and shouldering a disproportionate amount of the family duties.

Impulsivity. If you have ADHD, you may blurt things out without thinking, which can cause hurt feelings. This impulsivity can also lead to irresponsible and even reckless behavior (for example, making a big purchase that isn't in the budget, leading to fights over finances).

Emotional outbursts. Many people with ADHD have trouble moderating their emotions. You may lose your temper easily and have trouble discussing issues calmly. Your partner may feel like they have to walk on eggshells to avoid blowups.

Put yourself in your partner's shoes

The first step in turning your relationship around is learning to see things from your partner's perspective. If you've been together a long time or you've had the same fights again and again, you might think that you already understand where your partner is coming from. But don't underestimate how easy it is to misinterpret your partner's actions and intentions. You and your partner are more different than you think—especially if only one of you has ADHD. And just because you've heard it all before doesn't mean you've truly taken in what your partner is saying. When emotions are running high, as they usually do around ADHD relationship issues, it's particularly difficult to maintain objectivity and perspective.

The best way to put yourself in your partner's shoes is to ask and then simply listen. Find a time to sit down and talk when you're not already upset. Let your partner describe how they feel without interruption from you to explain or defend yourself. When your partner is finished, repeat back the main points you've heard them say, and ask if you understood correctly. You may want to write the points down so you can reflect on them later. When your partner is finished, it's your turn. Ask them to do the same for you and really listen with fresh ears and an open mind.

Tips for increasing understanding in your relationship

Study up on ADHD. The more both of you learn about ADHD and its symptoms, the easier it will be to see how it is influencing your relationship. You may find that a light bulb comes on. So many of your issues as a couple finally make sense! Remembering that an ADHD brain is hardwired differently than a brain without ADHD can help the non-ADHD partner take symptoms less personally. For the partner with ADHD, it can be a relief to understand what's behind some of your behaviors—and know that there are steps you can take to manage your symptoms.

Acknowledge the impact your behavior has on your partner. If you're the one with ADHD, it's important to recognize how your untreated symptoms affect your partner. If you're the non-ADHD partner, consider how your nagging and criticism makes your spouse feel. Don't dismiss your partner's complaints or disregard them because you don't like the way they bring it up or react to you.

Separate who your partner is from their symptoms or behaviors. Instead of labeling your partner “irresponsible,” recognize their forgetfulness and lack of follow-through as symptoms of ADHD. Remember, symptoms aren't character traits. The same goes for the non-ADHD partner too. Recognize that nagging usually arises from feelings of frustration and stress, not because your partner is an unsympathetic harpy.

How the partner with ADHD often feels:
Different. The brain is often racing, and people with ADHD experience the world in a way that others don't easily understand or relate to.
Overwhelmed, secretly or overtly, by the constant stress caused by ADHD symptoms. Keeping daily life under control takes much more work than others realize. Even if it's not always apparent, ADHD can make someone feel like they're struggling to keep their head above water.
Subordinate to their spouses. Their partners spend a good deal of time correcting them or running the show. The corrections make them feel incompetent, and often contribute to a parent-child dynamic. Men can describe these interactions as making them feel emasculated.
Shamed. They often hide a large amount of shame, sometimes compensating with bluster or retreat.
Unloved and unwanted. Constant reminders from spouses, bosses, and others that they should “change,” reinforce that they are unloved as they are.
Afraid to fail again. As their relationships worsen, the potential of punishment for failure increases. But their inconsistencies resulting from ADHD mean that this partner will fail at some point. Anticipating failure results in reluctance to try.
Longing to be accepted. One of the strongest emotional desires of those with ADHD is to be loved as they are, in spite of imperfections.

How the non-ADHD partner often feels:
Unwanted or unloved. The lack of attention is interpreted as lack of interest rather than distraction. One of the most common dreams is to be “cherished,” and to receive the attention from one's spouse that this implies.
Angry and emotionally blocked. Anger and resentment permeate many interactions with the ADHD spouse. Sometimes this anger is expressed as disconnection. In an effort to control angry interactions, some non-ADHD spouses try to block their feelings by bottling them up inside.
Incredibly stressed out. Non-ADHD spouses often carry the vast proportion of the family responsibilities and can never let their guard down. Life could fall apart at any time because of the ADHD spouse's inconsistency.
Ignored and offended. To a non-ADHD spouse, it doesn't make sense that the ADHD spouse doesn't act on the non-ADHD partner's experience and advice more often when it's “clear” what needs to be done.
Exhausted and depleted. The non-ADHD spouse carries too many responsibilities and no amount of effort seems to fix the relationship.
Frustrated. A non-ADHD spouse might feel as if the same issues keep coming back over and over again (a sort of boomerang effect).
Adapted from The ADHD Effect on Marriage: Understand and Rebuild Your Relationship in Six Steps, by Melissa C. Orlov

Take responsibility for your role

Once you've put yourself in your partner's shoes, it's time to accept responsibility for your role in the relationship. Progress starts once you become aware of your own contributions to the problems you have as a couple. This goes for the non-ADHD partner as well.

While the ADHD partner's symptoms may trigger an issue, the symptoms alone aren't to blame for the relationship problem. The way the non-ADHD partner responds to the bothersome symptom can either open the door for cooperation and compromise or provoke misunderstandings and hurt feelings. If you're the one with ADHD, you're also responsible for the way you react to your partner's concerns. Your reaction can either make your significant other feel validated and heard or disregarded and ignored.

Break free of the parent-child dynamic

Many couples feel stuck in an unsatisfying parent-child type of relationship, with the non-ADHD partner in the role of the parent and the partner with ADHD in the role of the child. It often starts when the partner with ADHD fails to follow through on tasks, such as forgetting to pay the cable bill, leaving clean laundry in a pile on the bed, or leaving the kids stranded after promising to pick them up. The non-ADHD partner takes on more and more of the household responsibilities.

The more lopsided the partnership becomes, the more resentful they feel. It becomes harder to appreciate the ADHD spouse's positive qualities and contributions. Of course, the partner with ADHD senses this. They start to feel like there's no point to even trying and dismisses the non-ADHD spouse as controlling and impossible to please. So what can you do to break this pattern?

Tips for the non-ADHD partner:

You can't control your spouse, but you can control your own actions. Put an immediate stop to verbal attacks and nagging. Neither gets results.
Encourage your partner when they make progress and acknowledge achievements and efforts.
When possible, try to focus on your partner's intentions, rather than what they actually do. They may lose concentration when listening to you, for example, but that doesn't mean they don't care about what you have to say.
Stop trying to “parent” your partner. It is destructive to your relationship and demotivating to your spouse.

Tips for the partner with ADHD:

Acknowledge the fact that your ADHD symptoms are interfering with your relationship. It's not just a case of your partner being unreasonable.
Explore treatment options. As you learn to manage your symptoms and become more reliable, your partner will ease off.
If strong emotions derail conversations with your partner, agree in advance that you need to take a time out to calm down and refocus before continuing.
Find ways to spoil your spouse. If your partner feels cared for by you—even in small ways—they will feel less like your parent.

Stop fighting and start communicating

As you've already seen, communication often breaks down between partners when ADHD is in the mix. One partner feels overburdened. The other feels attacked. They end up fighting each other rather than tackling the issue.

To improve communication, do what you can to defuse emotional volatility. If need be, take time to cool off before discussing an issue. When you have the conversation, listen closely to your partner. Ask yourself what you're really arguing about. What's the deeper issue?

For example: A couple fights over dinner being an hour late. The husband, who doesn't have ADHD, is upset over more than his empty stomach. He feels frustrated with his wife's lack of reliability and attention (I work hard to provide for her! Why don't I ever get any TLC? If she cared for me, she'd make more of an effort!). The ADHD wife feels overwhelmed and unfairly judged (I have so much to take care of around the house. It's hard for me to keep on top of everything and I lost track of time. How does that make me a bad wife?).

Once you identify the real issue, it's much easier to resolve the problem. In this example, the husband would be less upset if he realized that his wife's chronic lateness and disorganization isn't personal. It's a symptom of untreated ADHD. For her part, once the wife understands that a timely dinner makes her husband feel loved and appreciated, she'll be more motivated to make it happen.

Don't bottle up your emotions. Fess up to your feelings, no matter how ugly. Get them out in the open where you can work through them as a couple.

You're not a mind reader. Don't make assumptions about your partner's motivations. Avoid the “if my spouse really loved me…” trap. If your partner does something that upsets you, address it directly rather than silently stewing.

Watch what you say and how you say it. Avoid critical words and questions that put your partner on the defensive (“Why can't you ever do what you said you would?” or “How many times do I have to tell you?”).

Find the humor in the situation. Learn to laugh over the inevitable miscommunications and misunderstandings. Laughter relieves tension and brings you closer together.

Improving your communication skills when you have ADHD

ADHD symptoms can interfere with communication. The following tips can help you have more satisfying conversations with your partner and other people.

Communicate face to face whenever possible. Nonverbal cues such as eye contact, tone of voice, and gestures communicate much more than words alone. To understand the emotion behind the words, you need to communicate with your partner in person, rather than via phone, text, or email.

Listen actively and don't interrupt. While the other person is talking, make an effort to maintain eye contact. If you find your mind wandering, mentally repeat their words so you follow the conversation. Make an effort to avoid interrupting.

Ask questions. Instead of launching into whatever is on your mind—or the many things on your mind—ask the other person a question. It will let them know you're paying attention.

Request a repeat. If your attention wanders, tell the other person as soon as you realize it and ask them to repeat what was just said. If you let the conversation go too long when your mind is elsewhere, it will only get tougher to re-connect.

Manage your emotions. If you're unable to discuss certain subjects without flying off the handle or saying things you later regret, consider practicing mindfulness meditation. As well as helping to lower impulsivity and improve focus, regular mindfulness meditation can offer you greater control over your emotions and prevent the emotional outbursts that can be so damaging to a relationship. HelpGuide's free Emotional Intelligence Toolkit can show you how.

Work together as a team

Just because one partner has ADHD doesn't mean you can't have a balanced, mutually fulfilling relationship. The key is to learn to work together as a team. A healthy relationship involves give and take, with both individuals participating fully in the partnership and looking for ways to support each other.

Take some time on both sides to identify what you're good at and which tasks are most challenging for you. If your spouse is strong in an area in which you're weak, perhaps they can take over that responsibility, and vice versa. It should feel like an equal exchange. If you're both weak in a certain area, brainstorm how to get outside help. For example, if neither of you are good with money, you could hire a bookkeeper or research money management apps that make budgeting easier.

Divide tasks and stick to them. The non-ADHD partner may be more suited to handling the bills and doing the errands, while you manage the children and cooking.

Schedule weekly sit-downs. Meet once a week to address issues and assess progress you've made as a couple.

Evaluate the division of labor. Make a list of chores and responsibilities and rebalance the workload if either one of you is shouldering the bulk of the load.

Delegate, outsource, and automate. You and your partner don't have to do everything yourselves. If you have children, assign them chores. You might also consider hiring a cleaning service, signing up for grocery delivery, or setting up automatic bill payments.

Split up individual tasks, if necessary. If the partner with ADHD has trouble completing tasks, the non-ADHD partner may need to step in as the “closer.” Account for this in your arrangement to avoid resentments.

Create a practical plan

If you have ADHD, you probably aren't very good at organizing or setting up systems. But that doesn't mean you aren't able to follow a plan once it's in place. This is an area where the non-ADHD partner can provide invaluable assistance. They can help you set up a system and routine you can rely on to help you stay on top of your responsibilities.

Start by analyzing the most frequent things you fight about, such as chores or chronic lateness. Then think about practical things you can do to solve them. For forgotten chores, it might be a big wall calendar with checkboxes next to each person's daily tasks. For chronic lateness, you might set up a calendar on your smartphone, complete with timers to remind you of upcoming events.

Helping your partner with ADHD

Develop a routine. Your partner will benefit from the added structure. Schedule in the things you both need to accomplish and consider set times for meals, exercise, and sleep.

Set up external reminders. This can be in the form of a dry erase board, sticky notes, or a to-do list on your phone.

Control clutter. People with ADHD have a hard time getting and staying organized, but clutter adds to the feeling that their lives are out of control. Help your partner set up a system for dealing with clutter and staying organized.

Ask the ADHD partner to repeat requests. To avoid misunderstandings, have your partner repeat what you have agreed upon.

Author: Melinda Smith, M.A.

- References
  Neurodevelopmental Disorders. (2013). In Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders. American Psychiatric Association. https://doi.org/10.1176/appi.books.9780890425787.x01_Neurodevelopmental_Disorders
  Eakin, L., Minde, K., Hechtman, L., Ochs, E., Krane, E., Bouffard, R., Greenfield, B., & Looper, K. (2004). The marital and family functioning of adults with ADHD and their spouses. Journal of Attention Disorders, 8(1), 1–10. https://doi.org/10.1177/108705470400800101
  Wymbs, B. T., Canu, W. H., Sacchetti, G. M., & Ranson, L. M. (2021). Adult ADHD and romantic relationships: What we know and what we can do to help. Journal of Marital and Family Therapy, 47(3), 664–681. https://doi.org/10.1111/jmft.12475
Six Secrets to a Happy ADHD Relationship – Covers steps you can take to heal a relationship impacted by ADHD. (Attention Deficit Disorder Association)
ADHD & Marriage – Offers articles, resources, and information on how to thrive in your relationship if one or both of you has ADHD. (Ned Hallowell, M.D. and Melissa Orlov)
Relationships & Social Skills – Challenges associated with ADHD and concrete tips on implementing change (CHADD)
11 Rules for Fighting Right and Forgiving Faster – Tips for fighting fair, maintaining perspective, and preventing arguments from turning destructive. (ADDitude)
When ADHD Disrupts (and Ruins) the Romance – Expert Edward Hallowell, M. D., offers tips for reviving intimacy, intrigue, and excitement with your partner. (ADDitude)
“I Wish My Wife Understood How Hard I’m Trying” – Tips to help you speak the same language as your non-ADHD partner and clear up conflicts in your relationship. (ADDitude)
Hotlines and support
In the U.S.: Talk with an ADHD Information Specialist at 1-866-200-8098, Monday-Friday, 1-5 pm ET, or search the Professional Directory for ADHD clinics and other resources. (CHADD)
UK: Call ADDISS at 020 8952 2800 or consult a list of support groups from AADD-UK.
Australia: Call the Health Direct 24-hour advice line at 1800 022 222 or find a list of ADHD Australia support groups.
Canada: Find a support group in your area. (CADDAC)
India: Call the Vandrevala Foundation Helpline at 1860 2662 345 or 1800 2333 330

Last updated: December 30, 2022
Why ADD Marriages Can End in Divorce
ADHD and Relationships
Relationships in which one or both partners have attention deficit disorder (ADHD or ADD) range from successful to disastrous. Partnerships affected — or should I say, distorted — by ADHD symptoms can bring “the worst of times.” Pain and anger abound. You can barely talk to each other about problems affecting the relationship. When you do, you rarely agree. You’re frustrated that you’ve gotten to this point, and you’re disappointed that you haven’t made things better.
Can ADHD Cause Divorce Or Other Relationship Issues?
ADHD can be a contributing factor in a wide range of marital problems. If your partner has ADD, you may feel ignored and lonely. Your partner can focus on things that interest them, but not on you. They never seem to follow through on what they agree to do. They may seem to act like a child instead of an adult. You nag them, and you’ve started to dislike the person you’ve become. The two of you either fight or clam up. Worst of all, you are stressed about being saddled with the household responsibilities while your partner gets to have all the fun.
If you have ADHD, you may feel your partner has become a nagging monster. The person you loved has become a control freak, trying to manage the details of your life. No matter how hard you try, you can’t meet your partner’s expectations. The easiest way to deal with them is to leave them alone.
Either of these scenarios can ultimately result in the end of a relationship. If the above descriptions sound familiar, your relationship is suffering from what I call the ADHD effect. ADHD symptoms — and the responses both of you have to them — have damaged your partnership. The good news is that understanding the role that ADHD plays in your relationship can turn it around. When you learn to identify the challenges ADHD brings to relationships, and the steps you can take to meet them, you can rebuild your lives. That’s exactly what my partner and I did.
Signs Undiagnosed ADHD Is Causing Relationship Problems
We didn’t know that my partner had ADHD. I had fallen in love with his brilliance, sharp wit, and his appetite for adventure. His intense focus on me was surprising and flattering. He was warm and attentive. When I got sick on our first date, he tucked me under a blanket on the sofa and made me hot tea. I was touched.
[Self-Test: Could You Have ADD?]
Not long after we got married, our relationship began to fall apart. I couldn’t understand how someone who had been so attentive could ignore my needs, or be so “consistently inconsistent” helping out around the house. He was equally confused and annoyed. How could the woman he had married, who had seemed so endearing and optimistic, change into a fire-breathing dragon who wouldn’t give him a break and wouldn’t leave him alone?
By our tenth anniversary, we had considered divorce. We were angry, frustrated, disconnected, and unhappy. I was beyond sad. We stayed glued together only by our desire to raise our children well and by a feeling, deep inside, that we ought to be able to do better. Around that time, our daughter, who was nine, was diagnosed as having a learning disability and ADHD. In time, my husband was also diagnosed with ADHD.
Learning to Treat and Cope With ADHD to Avoid Relationship Problems
Discovering that one or both partners have ADHD is just the beginning. Medication is an efficient way to jump-start treatment, but behavioral changes need to be made. What you do once you’ve started treatment is crucial to your relationship.
If inability to follow through on tasks makes you unreliable in your partner’s eyes, use a smartphone reminder system or another organizational plan to get the task done. Coaching and cognitive behavioral therapy can also help.
[The ADHD Symptom Test for Women]
Understand that such changes must be voluntary. No matter how much a non-ADHD partner may want to, they can’t force their partner to get organized or become more attentive. Both partners must change. Often, an ADHD partner sets up a system that works well for the other, yet seems inefficient or strange to the non-ADHD partner. Their criticism or suggestions about how to do it better demoralize them. My husband and I learned this the hard way, mostly at his expense, as I kept trying to force him to do things differently. The harder I pushed, the more he resisted, and the worse our relationship became. Sound familiar?
Rediscovering romance and joy in your relationship again after years of hurt is a journey. Each partner works at reframing the challenges that ADHD introduces into their life. They work on systems and treatments for managing ADHD symptoms. And, one day, each finds that the good things about their partner are what they notice most.
The rewards are worth it. My husband and I moved from dysfunctional to happy. We thrive in our careers, and our relationship is stronger now than before. My husband’s ADHD symptoms are under control, and I understand and appreciate the effort that it takes. We recognize and accept — and laugh about — each other’s faults, and rejoice in each other’s strengths.
You can do this, too. You can move past unhappiness and create something better, if you recognize how ADHD affects your relationship and make adjustments in your attitude and behaviors.
9 Ways ADHD Affects Relationships
Many ADHD relationships are affected by similar patterns, especially when the disorder is under-managed. When you recognize these patterns, you can change them.
1. Hyperfocus Dating. The biggest shock to ADHD relationships comes with the transition from courtship to marriage. Typically, a person with ADHD hyperfocuses on their partner in the early stages of a dating. They makes them feel like the center of their world. When the hyperfocus stops, the relationship changes dramatically. The non-ADHD partner takes it personally.
My husband stopped hyperfocusing on me the day we got home from our honeymoon. Suddenly, he was gone — back to work, back to his regular life. I was left behind. After six months of marriage, I wondered if I had married the right man. The non-ADHD partner should remember that inattentiveness is not intentional, and find a way to forgive their partner. Feeling ignored is painful. Address the issue head-on by establishing ways to improve your connections and intimacy, and allowing yourself to mourn the pain that hyperfocus shock has caused you both.
2. Walking On Eggshells. Tantrums, anger, and rude behavior often accompany untreated ADHD symptoms. One man with ADHD described it to me as “having to anticipate my partner’s response to every single thing I do. I live my life trying to second-guess her, because I want to please her, but most of the time she’s just mad.” Changing behavior in both partners is critical to turning around a relationship. Don’t assume that anger or frustration in either partner is part of ADHD. Chances are good that you can get these things under control.
3. Believing ADHD Doesn’t Matter. Some partners with ADHD don’t believe that ADHD is a factor in their relationship. They say, “I don’t need treatment! I like myself just the way I am. You’re the one who doesn’t like me, and has problems with this relationship.” My husband was in denial. The good news for us was that, about a month or so after diagnosis, he decided he didn’t have much to lose by considering treatment. He discovered it made a world of difference.
So here’s my plea to all ADHD partners who are skeptical: If you don’t believe the disorder affects your relationship, assume that it does, and get an evaluation and effective treatment. It could save your relationship.
4. Misinterpreting Symptoms. You and your partner probably misinterpret each other’s motives and actions because you think you understand each other. For example, a partner with undiagnosed ADHD may be distracted, paying little attention to those they love. This can be interpreted as “they don’t care” rather than “they’re distracted.” The response to the former is to feel hurt. The response to the latter is “to make time for each other.” Getting to know your differences, in the context of ADHD, can clear up misinterpretations.
5. Chore Wars. Having a partner with untreated ADHD often results in a non-ADHD partner taking on more housework. If workload imbalances aren’t addressed, the non-ADHD partner will feel resentment. Trying harder isn’t the answer. ADHD partners must try “differently,” if they are going to succeed — and the non-ADHD partners must accept their partner’s unorthodox approaches. Leaving clean clothes in the dryer, so they can be easily found the next morning, may seem odd, but it may work for the ADHD partner. Both partners benefit when the non-ADHD partner admits that their way of doing things doesn’t work for their partner.
6. Impulsive Responses. ADHD symptoms alone aren’t destructive to a relationship; a partner’s response to the symptoms, and the reaction that it evokes, is. You can respond to a partner’s habit of impulsively blurting out things by feeling disrespected and fighting back. This will cause your ADHD partner to take up the fight. Or you can respond by changing your conversational patterns to make it easier for the ADHD partner to participate. Some ways to do this include speaking in shorter sentences and having your partner take notes to “hold” an idea for later. Couples who are aware of this pattern can choose productive responses.
7. Nag Now, Pay Later. If you have an ADHD partner, you probably nag your partner. The best reason not to do it is that it doesn’t work. Since the problem is the ADHD partner’s distractibility and untreated symptoms, not their motivation, nagging won’t help them get things done. It causes the ADHD partner to retreat, increasing feelings of loneliness and separation, and reinforces the shame that they feel after years of not meeting people’s expectations. Having a partner treat the ADHD symptoms, and stopping when you find yourself nagging, will break this pattern.
It Takes the Two of You
8. The Blame Game. The Blame Game sounds like the name of a TV show. “For 40 points: Who didn’t take out the garbage this week?” It’s not a game at all. The Blame Game is corrosive to a relationship. It is happening when the non-ADHD partner blames the ADHD partner’s unreliability for the relationship problems, and the ADHD partner blames the non-ADHD partner’s anger — “If they would just calm down, everything would be fine!” Accepting the validity of the other partner’s complaints quickly relieves some of the pressure. Differentiating your partner from their behavior allows a couple to attack the problem, not the individual, head-on.
9. The Parent-Child Dynamic. The most destructive pattern in an ADHD relationship is when one partner becomes the responsible “parent” figure and the other the irresponsible “child.” This is caused by the inconsistency inherent in untreated ADHD. Since the ADHD partner can’t be relied upon, the non-ADHD partner takes over, resulting in anger and frustration in both partners. Parenting a partner is never good. You can change this pattern by using ADHD support strategies, such as reminder systems and treatment. These help the ADHD partner become more reliable and regain their status as “partner.”
[Free Download: Manage ADHD’s Impact on Your Relationship]
Excerpted from The ADHD Effect on Marriage, by Melissa Orlov. Copyright 2010. Reprinted by permission of Specialty Press, Plantation, Florida. All rights reserved.
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The Internet payment service is carried out in accordance with the Rules of the international payment systems Visa, MasterCard and the MIR Payment System on the principles of confidentiality and payment security, for which the most modern methods of verification, encryption and data transmission through closed communication channels are used. Bank card data is entered on the secure payment page of ALFA-BANK JSC. nine0005
On the page for entering bank card data, you will need to enter bank card data: card number, cardholder name, card expiration date, three-digit security code (CVV2 for VISA, CVC2 for MasterCard, Additional Identification Code for MIR). All the necessary data is printed on the card itself. The three-digit security code is the three digits found on the back of the card.

Next, you will be redirected to your bank's page to enter the security code that will come to you via SMS. If the security code did not come to you, then you should contact the bank that issued your card. nine0007
Cases of refusal to make a payment:
- the bank card is not intended for making payments via the Internet, which can be found out by contacting your Bank;
- insufficient funds to pay on a bank card. You can find out more about the availability of funds on a bank card by contacting the bank that issued the bank card;
- bank card details entered incorrectly;
- The bank card has expired. The validity period of the card is usually indicated on the front side of the card (this is the month and year until which the card is valid). You can find out more about the validity period of the card by contacting the bank that issued the bank card; nine0005
For questions about payment by bank card and other issues related to the operation of the site, you can contact the following phones: +7 (861) 221-63-633, +7 (918) 24-999-23

Provided by you personal information (name, address, phone, e-mail, bank card number) is confidential and is not subject to disclosure. Your credit card information is transmitted only in encrypted form and is not stored on our Web server.

Legal entity:
When placing an order, select the payment method as a legal entity. After the final approval of your order, you need to provide us with the details of your company. We will send you an invoice (sent to the email address you provided when placing your order). Payment of the invoice must be made within 3 banking days. If during this time you have not sent funds to pay the invoice, it is considered invalid and the goods are removed from the reserve. After paying for the order, be sure to inform us about the fact of payment. nine0030 Please note that we work without VAT!

Details for payment:
LLC Assonzon
TIN: 2311096789
KPP: 230801001
OGRN: 1072311001388
p \ s: 40702810226060003565, at the Rostov branch of Alfa-Bank: 046015207 9000 K ked il: 046015207 K ked

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