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Intimate questions to ask a girlfriend


32 Questions for Intimacy That Deepen Your Relationship

Over the years, I’ve come to prefer (and have worked tirelessly to perfect), a laid-back but romantic dinner at home as opposed to a night out. The process is simple, and it starts by setting the mood. You know the drill: dim the lights, put a favorite record on, and prep a mouthwatering meal to roast in the oven. After that? Prepare for presence. To make any night with your partner more meaningful, I’ve curated a list of 32 questions for intimacy that will help guide your conversation and help you both get deep.

While ambiance is key to an intimate evening at home, without enticing conversation, even the most beautiful setting can fall flat. So let go of the stress of the day or the week, and come to the table with intentional questions that’ll help you grow deeper in your relationship.

Because here’s an important PSA to keep in mind: dating your partner can be more than an overpriced dinner or bouquet of flowers. With the right mindset, intention, and questions, setting aside these special moments can deepen your love and bring a fresh and renewed perspective to your relationship.

Feature image by Michelle Nash.

Image by Michelle Nash

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Take a look at these questions and jot down your faves. May the conversations they inspire bring you to exciting places with your loved one. Because however you decide to spend your Friday evening, that’s really the goal, isn’t it?

The Best Questions for Intimacy and Connection With Your Partner

  1. What are three qualities about me that you were first attracted to?
  2. What’s a question you’ve always wanted to ask me but never have?
  3. What do you remember from when we were falling in love?
  4. How do you like to be shown love?
  5. How do you like to show love?
  6. What makes you feel the most loved?
  7. Would you like to be famous?
  8. If you could, what would you have changed about your childhood?
  9. What is one thing that you’re afraid to tell anyone else?
  10. What would the perfect day look like to you? How would you spend it?
  11. If we met again for the first time, but with all the knowledge of our relationship up to now, what would you want to say to me?
  12. Share a time you felt embarrassed.
  13. When have you felt the most proud of me?
  14. Who was the last person you cried in front of? Why?
  15. What is your biggest regret?
  16. Out of the five senses, which is the most sensual to you?
  17. What do you think your younger self would think of our relationship?
  18. If you could relive one day together, which would it be?
  19. Is there anything you’re afraid to accomplish that I can help you with?
  20. Is our relationship physical enough for you? What would make it better in your eyes?
  21. How and where do you like to be touched?
  22. Do you have any fantasies you would like fulfilled?
  23. What is the closest you’ve ever felt to me?
  24. What is the best part of our relationship?
  25. My sexiest feature is… ?
  26. What song always makes you think of me?
  27. Is there anything we haven’t tried that you’d like to?
  28. What movie do you think would reflect our relationship?
  29. How and when did you know we’d make it as a couple?
  30. If you didn’t have to work, what would you do with your life?
  31. What is the best way I can make you feel loved?
  32. What’s your favorite memory of us?

Have you and your partner tried asking intentional questions for intimacy and connection? We’d love to hear how it influenced your relationship in the comments.

This post was originally published on February 14, 2022, and has since been updated.

101 Sexy Questions to Ask Your Partner

In This Article

Most people desire intimate connections with their partners, and these 101 intimate questions to ask your partner can help you to get to know each other better.

Intimate questions for couples can also help you to connect and build a trusting relationship, making these questions to ask your significant other part of the foundation of a happy, lasting partnership.

What keeps couples together?

Intimacy is a part of what keeps couples together because it helps them to develop a sense of trust and connection to each other. Ultimately, this builds relationship satisfaction and prevents couples from growing apart over time.

Research even shows that intimacy can keep couples together.

According to the authors of a 2020 study in the European Journal of Investigation in Health, Psychology, and Education, emotional intimacy is particularly important because it contributes strongly to relationship satisfaction and is perhaps even more important than sexual intimacy.

This is not surprising, given the fact that intimacy leads to feelings of closeness as well as loving behaviors and a strong degree of trust in relationships.

The same study found that low levels of emotional intimacy in relationships were linked to relationship dissatisfaction and uncertainty about the relationship, which in turn increased the risk of infidelity.

This shows just how important intimacy is for keeping couples together and why you should be interested in 101 intimate questions to ask your partner.

The science of intimacy

Since intimate questions can be important for building a connection and keeping couples together, it is also helpful to understand the stages of intimacy in a relationship.

According to experts, there are three stages of intimacy in relationships:

  • The dependent stage

During this first stage, partners come to depend upon each other for emotional support, assistance with parenting, sexual intimacy, and finances. It is probably during this stage that intimate questions become important because they help you and your partner to connect and feel safe depending upon each other for emotional support.

The progression to the next stage of intimacy involves two people coming together to share a life and equitably divide the duties in the relationship. For instance, both partners contribute to finances and to parenting roles. Intimate questions continue to be critical during this stage, as without a deep connection, the passion and desire for each other may begin to fade. During this stage, such questions for couples can keep the passion alive.

  • Intimate communion

In the final stage of intimate relationships, couples begin to actually practice love, which teaches them that they cannot fall out of love, but instead, with intimacy, care, and connection, they can engage in the act of loving each other.

Other relationship experts have described a different set of three stages of intimacy in relationships:

  • General traits

This stage involves learning about someone’s personality traits, such as whether they are introverted or extroverted.

  • Personal concerns

The next stage is a little deeper, and it is during this stage that couples learn about each other’s goals, values, and attitudes about life.

  • Self-narrative

This final stage of intimacy occurs when partners truly understand each other and know how each other makes sense of their life story.

Intimate questions can help couples to connect and stay connected at each stage of intimacy.

Also Try: Do You Feel That You Understand Each Other Quiz

10 tips for how to ask intimate questions

While asking questions is important, you may be unsure of how to get about asking them. The following ten tips can help you feel more comfortable or even serve as intimate conversation starters for couples:

  1. Find a place and time where you will not be interrupted by outside distractions or obligations.
  2. Have a conversation using intimate questions during dinner or during a car ride when you are sitting down together.
  3. Take the time to listen to each other, and give each person plenty of time to speak and answer questions.
  4. Maintain eye contact when asking questions; this is important for building empathy and emotional connection.
  5. Use intimate conversation starters, such as asking questions about your partner’s hobbies or bucket list.
  6. Find a relaxed environment for asking intimate questions, and if your partner seems uncomfortable, choose a different question or find another time or setting for the conversation.
  7. Try asking some funny questions to lighten the mood and create intimate conversation starters.
  8. Begin with questions that are easier to answer, and then move on to deeper questions.
  9. If you and your partner are not comfortable with asking questions face-to-face, you may begin by asking these questions via text message, especially if you are in the first stage of intimacy.
  10. Avoid reacting with anger or judgment when your partner answers questions, and remember that some of their answers may surprise you.
Related Reading: Ways to Have an Intimate Conversation with Your Partner

101 intimate questions to ask your partner

Once you understand the importance of intimacy and how to initiate a conversation that includes intimacy, you are ready to explore potential questions you may ask. There are several categories of intimate questions:

Basic attraction questions to ask your partner

Asking basic attraction questions can help understand why your partner felt attracted to you. You can identify the qualities that they like about you and they can learn more about you.

  1. What did you notice about me first?
  2. Is physical attraction an important part of whether you pursue a romantic relationship with someone?
  3. Do you usually have a type? How did I fit with this type?
  4. When you tell other people about me, what do you say?
  5. What would you want me to tell other people about you?
  6. What traits about me are special to you?
  7. When you see me, what is the first thought that generally comes to your mind?
  8. Do you ever look at people of the opposite sex?
  9. How would you react if my appearance changed considerably overnight, such as if I dyed my hair a new color?
  10. How would you feel if my appearance changed over time, such as if I put on weight?
Related Reading: Questions to Ask a Guy

Intimate questions about the past

Learning about your partner’s past experiences through intimate questions is a great way to strengthen your bond. However, what you must be careful of is to not judge them for their failures and not allow jealousy to affect your relationship.

  1. Have you ever cheated on someone in a past relationship?
  2. Has there ever been a time you were close to cheating but decided against it?
  3. How many serious relationships have you had in the past?
  4. Have you been in love in the past?
  5. What was going through your mind on our first date?
  6. Were you looking for a relationship when we found each other?
  7. Did you debate asking me on a date? What would have made you not ask me?
  8. When did you realize you were in love with me?
Related Reading: Significant Questions Happy Couples Ask Each Other

Questions about future

Many relationships fall apart because the couples were not on the same page about their future.  

It is essential to ask questions about future and find out what your partner expects from the future and see if their aspirations or goals are aligned with yours.

  1.  Where do you think this relationship will go in the next year?
  2. Where do you see us five years from now?
  3. Is marriage important to you?
  4. What is your opinion on having children?
  5. How would you feel if we were unable to have children?
  6. What are your goals for your career?
  7. Where would you like to live during retirement?
  8. How do you think a day would look for us when we are married with kids?
  9. What would your plans be for our elderly parents if they could no longer live on their own?
  10. What are your goals for saving for retirement?
Related Reading: Questions to Ask Your Partner Before Marriage

Intimate questions about love

Intimacy is an important part of any serious relationship, in the bedroom and outside of it. So don’t be shy. If you want to know something and build intimacy, just ask intimate questions about love.

  1. Do you think true soul mates exist?
  2. What do you think about love at first sight?
  3. What can I do for you that shows my love for you?
  4. Do you have any doubts about our love lasting?
  5. Would you rather receive a gift or have someone do something nice for you to show their love?
  6. Do you prefer thoughtful gifts or something more practical?
  7. How do you like to be complimented?
  8. How do you personally express your love for your partner?
  9. Has there been a time in the past when you were so hurt you doubted the existence of true love?

Related Reading: Sexy Texts for Her to Drive Her Wild

Fun Sexual questions to ask

When it comes to sex there’s more to discover than you might think. Ask these fun sexual questions and learn about you and your partner’s preferences, and how you can bring those together to create the best intimate partnership possible.

  1. Is there anything sexual we have not tried that you would like to try?
  2. Where and how do you like to be touched?
  3. Are you satisfied with the physical aspects of our relationship?
  4. What would make our sexual relationship better for you?
  5. In a perfect world, how often would you like to have sex?
  6. Do you have any sexual fantasies you think about often?
  7. How can I keep the physical intimacy between us strong throughout the day, outside of the bedroom?
Related Reading: Best Love Memes for Him

Also, watch this TED talk where researcher Douglas Kelley shares six themes related to the cultivation of intimacy in human relationships, and their role in developing the pathway to the true self.

Funny, intimate questions to spice things up

Asking each other funny intimate questions can be a great way to get to know what a new partner likes, plus how to turn them on, and for longtime couples, a great game to spice things up.

  1. Would you rather give up coffee or sweets?
  2. What’s the dumbest thing you’ve ever done?
  3. How often do you take selfies?
  4. Have you ever kissed someone of the same sex?
  5. What would you do if you won a million dollars?
  6. What is the weirdest thing you’ve ever eaten?
  7. What would you eat if you could only eat meals from Wendy’s for a whole week?
  8. If today were your last day to live, what would you eat?
  9. If you were going to be stranded on an island for a month, what three things would you take with you?
  10. If you could choose to bring one fictional character to life, who would you choose and why?
  11. What is the craziest dream you can remember?
  12. Would you strip for $100?
  13. If you could be any age you wanted for the rest of your life, what age would you choose?
  14. Do you want to live to be 100 or older? Why or why not?
  15. What is the strangest thing you have searched on Google in the past week?
  16. What car would you choose if you could only drive one type of vehicle for the rest of your life?
Related Reading: Best Love Memes for Her

Intimate questions you can ask via text

Sometimes, you might not be comfortable asking intimate questions in person, or you may want to connect via text when away from your partner. These intimate questions are appropriate for text messaging:

  1. What is something you have always wanted to tell me but couldn’t?
  2. What is the biggest thing you miss about me now?
  3. Where do you like me to kiss you?
  4. When was the time you’ve felt the closest to me?
  5. The next time we are together, what is one thing you’d like me to do to you?
  6. What is one thing I can do to be a better boyfriend/girlfriend to you?
Related Reading: Sexy Texts for Him to Drive Him Wild

Other intimate questions to ask

Beyond the specific categories mentioned above, there are some additional intimate questions that can keep the conversation going. These intimate questions to ask your girlfriend, boyfriend, or spouse are as follows:

  1. What is your number one fear?
  2. What is something I do that annoys you?
  3. What was the last thing I did to make you feel truly appreciated?
  4. What is your favorite thing to do with me?
  5. Are you more introverted or extroverted?
  6. If you could go back in time and change one decision you’ve made throughout your life, what would it be?
  7. What’s your favorite memory from our relationship?
  8. When you are upset, do you want to talk about it, or would you prefer I give you space?
  9. What is something you admire about me?
  10. What accomplishment from your life makes you most proud?
  11. Is there anything you regretted from when you were younger?
  12. What part of our relationship makes you happiest?
  13. What is one thing that you think is unforgivable in a relationship?
  14. Were there any beliefs your parents had that you grew to reject as an adult?
  15. What is one deep thing you have learned from me?
  16. What stands out as something good that has happened to you within the past month?
  17. If your house were on fire and your loved ones were safe, but you had time to save one possession from home, what would you choose?
  18. What is one skill you do not have that you would like to have?
  19. Is there anything you seem to dream about over and over again?
  20. Is there anything you do not know how to do that embarrasses you?
Related Reading: Romantic Questions for Couples
  1. When was the last time you cried, and why?
  2. If you could describe me in three words, what would you say?
  3. If you could describe yourself in three words, what would you say?
  4. What is the most attractive part of my personality?
  5. What is something that people do that you think is rude?
  6. Are you someone who resists change, or are you open to it?
  7. Did you ever get nervous around me when we started dating?
  8. If I had a life-changing career opportunity across the country, would you pack up your life and move with me?
  9. What do you think is the biggest strength in our relationship?
  10. What is the biggest area for improvement in our relationship?
  11. What is your first memory of me?
  12. What are the three main things you think we have in common?
  13. What is your biggest insecurity about your physical appearance?
  14. Do you tend to go with your gut instinct, or do you think through decisions rationally before arriving at a conclusion?
  15. What is one thing you would never want to change about yourself?
Related Reading: Sexy Questions to Ask Your Boyfriend

Conclusion

Intimacy is important in relationships because it brings couples together, builds trust, and keeps them satisfied with the relationship.

Asking intimate questions can keep your relationship strong and help you stay together. These intimate questions for couples are great ways to start a conversation and get to know each other on a deeper level.

81 intimate questions for your girl 💣 (18+)