Overcoming jealousy and possessiveness
How to Not Be Jealous: 12 Tips and Tricks
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Jealousy has a bad reputation. It’s not uncommon to hear well-meaning people say things like, “Don’t be jealous” or “Jealousy destroys relationships.” But what makes this emotion so bad?
While it’s often linked to romantic relationships, jealousy can come up whenever you’re worried about losing anything or anyone important to you. This is different from envy, which involves wanting something that belongs to someone else.
Jealousy can lead to feelings of anger, resentment, or sadness. But it can often tell you a thing or two about yourself and your needs.
Here’s a look at some ways to cope with jealousy and examine what’s at the root of your feelings.
“If you get that jealous twinge,” says Sarah Swenson, LMHC, “ask yourself what lies at the root of it. Then take steps to change what you don’t like in order to get what you want.”
Examining your jealous feelings can give you insight on where they come from:
- Your sister’s new relationship causes jealousy because you haven’t had much luck dating and worry you’ll never find the right person.
- Your coworker’s promotion makes you feel jealous because you believe you aren’t good enough at your job to get a promotion yourself.
- When your partner starts spending a lot of time with a new friend, you feel jealous because that was the first sign you noticed when a previous partner cheated.
Whether your jealousy stems from insecurity, fear, or past relationship patterns, knowing more about the causes can help you figure out how to confront it.
Maybe you have an open conversation with your supervisor about getting on track for promotion, resolve to try a different approach to dating, or talk to your partner about your feelings.
If your partner’s actions (or someone else’s actions toward your partner) trigger jealous feelings, bring this up with your partner as soon as possible.
Broach the topic of jealousy when you can both dedicate some time to a productive conversation. Whenever possible, try to avoid getting into a serious topic right before bed or when you’re about to head out the door.
Your partner may not have noticed the behavior, or they may not have realized how you felt about it. Use the opportunity to talk over any relationship boundaries you might want to revisit, or discuss ways to keep your relationship strong.
If you trust your partner but have doubts because of past relationship experiences, try finding a few ways you both can help improve the situation.
If you feel nervous about mentioning jealous feelings, try to remember they’re totally normal. Your partner might even have had some jealous feelings of their own at some point.
Jealousy can sometimes give you a slightly warped sense of reality. You might wonder if that nonverbal flirting you swear you saw actually happened.
Sometimes, voicing these concerns to a third party can make the situation less frightening and help you gain some perspective.
Jealousy can be a complex, strong emotion, and you might not feel very good when you’re dealing with it. But instead of thinking of it as something negative, try looking at it as a helpful source of information.
Jealousy, according to Swenson, tells you there’s a difference between what you have and what you want.
She adds that unchecked jealousy can turn into self-blame and create a cycle that keeps you feeling deprived. But you may be able to manage it by identifying it as helpful information that you can use to create circumstances in which your needs are met.
Jealousy sometimes develops in response to a partial picture. In other words, you might be comparing yourself and your own achievements and attributes to an idealized or incomplete view of someone else.
People typically display their best selves to the world, so it’s not always easy to tell what’s really happening in someone else’s life or relationship. Then there’s the whole issue of social media, which magnifies this concept.
But you never truly know what someone’s going through, especially when you’re just looking at social media.
Your college friend with the Facebook photos of her and her husband out in a meadow, looking so carefree and happy? For all you know, they argued all the way out there and they’re sweating bullets under all that matching plaid.
A little gratitude can go a long way. It can not only reduce feelings of jealousy, but also relieve stress.
You might not have everything you want. Most of us don’t. But you probably have at least some of what you want. Maybe you even have some good things in your life you didn’t expect.
This can help whether you’re eyeing your friend’s fancy new bike or wishing your partner didn’t spend quite so much time with friends. Remind yourself of your sturdy, reliable bike that gets you where you need to go. Consider the benefits of having a partner who appreciates the value of friendship.
Even appreciating positive things in your life that don’t relate to jealousy can help you realize that, while your life may not be perfect (but whose life is?), you’ve still got some good things going for you.
Coping with jealousy as it comes up won’t help you work through underlying causes. But it can help to keep the distress at bay until you can deal with the underlying issues.
Turning your attention away from jealousy can also help keep you from acting on your feelings (and doing something that could harm a relationship or friendship).
Take a break
Try these strategies to distract yourself from jealous thoughts before they become overwhelming:
- Write down what you feel.
- Take a walk.
- Give yourself space by leaving the situation.
- Take 10 minutes to do something calming.
Jealousy that persists and causes distress can sometimes relate to anxiety or self-esteem issues, explains Vicki Botnick, LMFT. “Learning how to deal with either issue can automatically help soothe jealousy.”
One way to approach low self-esteem involves identifying personal values, such as compassion, communication, or honesty. This helps, according to Botnick, because it lets you check whether you’re upholding these values in your daily life.
It also gives you a chance to notice your positive traits and review what’s important to you. This can increase your sense of self-respect and may help decrease distressing feelings of inferiority or competitiveness.
Anxiety can have a range of symptoms that might be more difficult to address on your own. Coping techniques can help (find some tips here), but therapy can also be a good option.
Botnick also suggests trying an anxiety workbook like The Mindful Way Workbook.
It uses principles of mindfulness-based cognitive therapy to help you to:
- increase acceptance around anxious feelings so they don’t overwhelm you
- recognize unwanted or distressing thoughts so you can challenge and replace them
When jealousy prompts you to compare yourself to others, your self-worth can end up taking a hit. Your life might be pretty enviable to someone else, after all. But jealousy can make you feel like nothing you have is good enough.
Research exploring a possible link between jealousy and self-esteem found evidence to suggest jealousy can develop when you face a threat to your self-esteem.
To combat low self-esteem:
- Remind yourself of things you do well.
- Practice self-compassion (in other words, treat yourself the way you would a close friend).
- Practice daily affirmations or exchange them with your partner.
- Remind yourself of the things you value in your partner and relationship.
- Make time to do things you enjoy.
Mindfulness techniques help you pay attention to your thoughts and feelings as they come up without judging or criticizing them. Increasing your awareness around jealousy can help you notice any patterns it follows, including things that happen before you feel jealous.
Mindfulness can also help you feel more comfortable with jealousy. For example, it can help you notice and accept your jealous feelings for what they are — part of your emotional experience — and move on.
Not judging the jealousy, or yourself for feeling it, can help keep it from affecting you negatively.
If you’ve experienced jealousy before, you probably already know that jealousy fades with time. It might feel less intense after you deal with your feelings, of course, but it can also lessen once whatever you felt jealous about is over.
According to research that looked at the experience of jealousy, people are generally more likely to feel jealous right before something happens, rather than after.
As time passes, you’re also less likely to feel the need to compare yourself or your circumstances to someone else. But the positive feelings you have stay.
So, while you might feel jealous as your best friend’s wedding date approaches, on the day after the wedding you might feel less jealous and more just happy for your friend.
If you’re having trouble coping with jealous thoughts on your own, talking to a therapist can help.
It’s not always easy to talk about jealousy. You might feel even more uncomfortable sharing these thoughts with someone you don’t know. But a good therapist will meet you with kindness and compassion.
Plus, they know better than anyone that jealousy is a normal emotion that everyone feels at some point.
Botnick shares a few signs that suggest talking to a therapist could be helpful:
- Jealousy leads to obsessive or fixated thoughts.
- You notice compulsive behaviors.
- Jealous thoughts become uncontrollable or intrusive.
- You have violent thoughts or urges.
- Jealous feelings trigger problematic behaviors, like following your partner or checking up on them constantly.
- Jealousy affects your day-to-day life, prevents you from doing things you want to do, or causes other distress.
“If you constantly need to check out your social media feed, your partner’s phone, or what the people in line at Starbucks are wearing, then you can no longer be present in your own life, and that’s a problem,” Botnick concludes.
Jealousy can help you focus on who (and what) you care about. It doesn’t have to cause problems for you or your relationships. It can even help relationships become stronger in some cases. It all comes down to how you use it.
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How to not be jealous and overcome it with these 9 tips
Healthy intimate relationships are one of the biggest joys in life, bringing companionship, laughter and passion into both partners’ lives. When your relationship is based on trust, it serves as a lifeboat, anchor and sail that keeps you afloat, secure and filled with purpose. When jealousy corrodes the trust and respect in your partnership, the relationship becomes a weight that hinders personal progress.
Understanding how to stop being jealous in a relationship is a prerequisite for a healthy union. No matter what causes jealousy in your relationship, you can work to tame it and create a meaningful partnership.
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Is jealousy healthy in a relationship?
When it’s mild and expressed in a healthy way, jealousy can lead to growth in a relationship. It’s a natural human emotion; eliminating it completely isn’t possible for many of us. We want to be the apple of our partner’s eye. We want them to reciprocate the way we feel. We want them to commit to us. These are all perfectly fine standards in a relationship.
Mild jealousy shows that we care about our partner and don’t want to lose them. Jealousy in relationships only becomes a problem when we let it get out of control. If you’re able to recognize the emotion, determine what it’s telling you, communicate that to your partner in a nonjudgmental way and reach a productive solution, that’s healthy jealousy. If you’re engaging in constant fights or unhealthy behaviors like snooping in your partner’s phone, it’s time to look at what causes jealousy in a relationship – and how to fix it.
What causes jealousy in a relationship?
Jealousy in relationships often doesn’t show up immediately. When you first meet your partner, you’re in your honeymoon phase. The endorphins are flying. But then, you see a text from a person you don’t know. Or you notice your partner likes to make friends with new people when you go out. If you’re jealous of your partner’s successes, perhaps there’s an unhealthy element of competition that needs to be eliminated.
It’s easy to point the finger at your partner as the reason for your jealousy. But to discover how to not be jealous in a relationship, you must understand that it isn’t about your partner – it’s about you. In every one of these scenarios, ultimately you’re projecting your insecurities onto your partner, and it’s your insecurities that need attention. You must gain a deeper self-awareness about your own beliefs, attitudes and emotions, then learn to transform them.
At its core, jealousy in relationships is about low self-esteem. When you don’t feel confident in yourself or feel that you deserve the love of your partner, you project those insecurities onto your partner. These are limiting beliefs – false beliefs we hold about ourselves and our true natures that hold us back.
Even if your partner broke your trust, it’s likely your jealousy still stems from insecurity that was provoked by your partner’s actions. You can repair your relationship – but not if you’re letting your limiting beliefs hold you back. When you learn how to replace them with empowering beliefs and confidence, you’ll learn how to stop being jealous in a relationship.
Effects of jealousy in relationships
Unhealthy jealousy goes against the 5 Disciplines of Love – universal principles for building a trusting, healthy union. The discipline of unconditional love and compassion becomes impossible to sustain, because jealousy impairs your ability to love without barriers. It’s also impossible to be truly vulnerable when jealousy is an issue – and vulnerability is another prerequisite for a passionate and loving relationship. If you can’t learn how to not be jealous in a relationship, you’ll never connect with your partner on a deep, honest level.
Jealousy also creates tension in the relationship. When you are constantly suspicious, your partner may not be completely open with you for fear of igniting your jealousy. Even when they’re not doing anything wrong, your envy clouds discernment and it becomes hard to tell the truth from mere suspicions.
You can’t give your partner the freedom to live life when you’re jealous, nor can you feel free to live your own life when you’re dealing with a jealous partner. Jealousy can creep into all areas of your life, making it hard to enjoy anything.
This tension can affect the physical, emotional and mental health of both partners. Chronic stress can increase risk for hypertension and heart problems, decrease immune function and shorten overall lifespan. The lack of enjoyment you feel in your relationship can turn into anxiety and depression. Studies have found that jealousy in relationships ends up negatively affecting relationship commitment – the opposite effect of what the jealous partner wants.
When jealousy is given full sway in a partnership, neither party thrives. And if you don’t learn how to overcome jealousy in a relationship, you could drive your partner away for good.
How to stop being jealous in a relationship
Your partnership will suffer if you let jealousy go unchecked. Understanding jealousy in relationships requires being honest with yourself and your partner. Get to the bottom of your jealousy and create a healthier relationship dynamic.
1. Be honest about jealousy’s impact.
It’s impossible to solve a problem if you refuse to acknowledge it. Rather than pretending you aren’t feeling jealous or your jealousy isn’t a problem, be honest. How do you feel because of your insecurities, and how are they hurting your relationship? It might be difficult to acknowledge the problems your envy is causing, but take heart in the fact that you’re taking the first step to a healthier relationship.2. Ask what your jealousy is telling you
Psychology Today provides a family therapist’s view on how to stop being jealous in a relationship: Rather than view jealousy as a problem, look at your jealousy as a solution. Jealousy (or any other relationship issue) is a window of opportunity we can peer through to gain clarity. Humans feel deeply – it’s the source of our greatest joys and greatest sorrows. We developed these emotions for a reason: they are there to tell us something.
Instead of shutting down the jealous behavior outright, seek to understand it first. What problem is the jealousy attempting to solve? Working backward from there will help you get to the bottom of how to stop being jealous. By getting to the real problem, you’re able to address it and find lasting relief.
3. Discover the Six Human Needs.
It’s likely that your jealousy is telling you something about your Six Human Needs. These are the needs that must be met in order to create a fulfilling relationship. They underlie every decision we make – and jealousy is a decision. It isn’t a result of your partner’s actions or something that was done to you in the past. It’s a result of your unique values and your mindset. You can learn to control it, but you must go to the source: your thoughts, emotions and needs.
4. List your insecurities.
Mastering how to stop being jealous in a relationship starts with looking at yourself. What insecurities are driving your jealousy? Are you unsure of yourself due to perfectionism? Are you comparing yourself to others? You’re not making this list to shame yourself – you’re owning your role in the relationship.
5. Cultivate self-confidence.
Once you’ve made a list of the insecurities driving your jealousy, write down an antidote to each one. If you’re living under the shadow of your partner’s ex, make a list of all the traits your partner loves about you. If you constantly compare yourself to celebrities, unfollow them on Instagram for a week. By giving yourself space from feelings of inferiority, you’ll be able to develop the self-confidence you need to overcome jealousy.
6. Consider the source of your insecurity.
Mastering how to not be jealous in a relationship is often a matter of healing the wounds of the past. If you’re struggling with jealousy due to an unresolved issue like a childhood trauma or addiction, get the support you need to overcome it. With the right help, you can transform your struggles into sources of strength.
7. Be honest with your partner.
If you’re struggling with jealousy, your partner has probably already noticed. Your partner is most likely also contributing to the problem. By practicing effective communication, you’re acknowledging your contribution while also holding your partner accountable – and giving them the opportunity to support you as you work toward a solution.
8. Build healthy coping skills.
Sometimes, it can be hard to let go of jealousy in relationships if you don’t have healthier ways to relate. Provided your partner isn’t giving you a reason to be suspicious or jealous (ie. by cheating on you or habitually lying), it’s up to you to tame the source of your jealousy. Recognize that you don’t need jealousy – you’re just used to it. Practice self-care and nurture your physical, emotional and mental health. When you prioritize healthy coping mechanisms, they become the norm and eventually replace jealousy.
9. DiscoverThe Ultimate Relationship Program.
It often isn’t easy to learn how to not be jealous in a relationship. Jealousy is such a deep-seated emotion that it often feels like we have no control over it. So where do you start? The key is to think of your relationship holistically. Jealousy is just a symptom of a larger disconnect. What’s really going on between you and your partner?
The Ultimate Relationship Program will take you back to basics, teaching you about concepts like polarity and the Six Human Needs – the building blocks of all romantic relationships. You’ll look inward at your own desires and limiting beliefs before looking outward at your partner. You’ll finally eliminate your fears once and for all and know how to overcome jealousy in a relationship in a healthy, positive way.
Want to stop feeling jealous?
A Results Coach can help you examine and overcome your limiting beliefs, so you can feel fulfilled and confident in relationships.
How to deal with jealousy: advice from a psychologist in the capital
Jealousy is one of the most common reasons women turn to psychologists. Many women tend to experience a constant painful state of inner fear, fear of losing an object that is significant to them. According to experts, to one degree or another, jealousy is present in everyone. We can be jealous of friends, colleagues, family members, it all depends on the degree of emotional closeness. What is jealousy and where does it come from, says Nina Kizrina, a psychologist at the Hope branch of the Crisis Center for Women and Children. nine0004
Bring peace to the family
32-year-old Tatyana turned to the Crisis Center for Women and Children. She has been married to Mikhail for 12 years, her husband holds a managerial position and spends a lot of time at work.
Until June 2020, the woman had no idea that her husband could cheat on her. But after the long-term and happy marriage of her best friend collapsed before our eyes due to infidelity, Tatyana was seriously worried. In just a few weeks, she worked herself up so that she could not close her eyes. It began to seem to the woman that Mikhail had been deceiving her for a long time. Thus began endless surveillance of her husband, and over time this led to frequent conflicts in the family, which had not happened before. Tatyana realized that unreasonable jealousy would not lead to good, and turned to professional psychologists for help. nine0011
“The psychologist has developed a plan for individual interviews. Meetings with Tatyana were held once or twice a week for three months. In the process of work, it was possible to restore the emotional background, remove obsessive and disturbing thoughts, harmonize the relationship between the spouses and return peace to the family, ”says the specialist .
What is jealousy like
Jealousy is a bright, negative, emotional sense of possessiveness, reinforced by egoism, the desire to completely control another person, which is usually expressed in distrust, suspicion, in painful doubts about loyalty and love. nine0007
Psychologists distinguish three types of jealousy: rational, irrational, delusional jealousy.
- Rational jealousy arises when there is really a real threat to lose the object of love.
- Irrational jealousy is not connected with reality and is based mainly on imagination and fantasy. It occurs in people with a vivid imagination who suffer from inferiority complexes, who have suffered mental trauma in childhood. nine0035 Delusions of jealousy - inadequate, unreasonable jealousy, reaching the point of mental pathology. Basically, this type of jealousy occurs in people with mental disorders (schizophrenia, paranoid disorder, alcoholism, drug addiction).
How jealousy is born
The feeling of jealousy is formed in the period from one to three years. In the family, the child learns how to interact with each other, what should be the relationship of parents. The kid sees how mom and dad communicate, take care of each other, solve problems. nine0007
As a rule, a jealous woman in most cases chooses a man for her husband who will stimulate this feeling. The origins of the causes of jealousy come from parent-child relationships - lack of love in childhood, physical or sexual abuse, genetic predisposition, childhood psychological trauma. Growing up, a jealous woman on an unconscious level begins to play her scenario from childhood - the psychological trauma of rejection, fearing its repetition. Later, this behavior acts as a form of betrayal prevention. nine0007
« Jealousy may be caused by competition between siblings who claim special status from their parents; identification with the deceived parent when the other parent is cheating; dysfunctional relationships in the parental family - alcoholism, physical abuse, infidelity of the parent of the opposite sex , ”says the specialist.
Causes of jealousy in older age - self-doubt, low self-esteem in sexual terms, the presence of an inferiority complex, uselessness, underestimation of one's own abilities and capabilities. Also, the causes of jealousy can be emotional dependence, fear of losing an object of love or loneliness, an excessive sense of ownership, an unlimited right to possess another person. nine0007
One of the manifestations of jealousy is sadomasochism. The experiences of jealousy here are closely connected with self-torment, with manifestations of masochistic tendencies.
“ The jealous one gets a kind of pleasure from the torment experienced during constant surveillance, looking for evidence of a partner’s betrayal”, - Svetlana notes.
An important cause of jealousy is the neurotic need for control. If a jealous woman misses the opportunity to control her partner, then she begins to panic, jealousy increases significantly. nine0007
Another reason for jealousy is the partner's provocative behavior. In this case, the partner unconsciously provokes jealousy in order to get "proof of love", focusing on the formula "jealous means love." Therefore, such women always have a dramatic relationship with a partner, she constantly needs confirmation of love. This indicates a high degree of codependency.
“If there is silence at home, there are no manifestations from the husband, declarations of love, scandals and manifestations of jealousy, then she becomes unbearable - she needs an emotional shake-up, a discharge that she is used to receiving in a dysfunctional parental family,” says psychologist.
How to get rid of jealousy
- If you decide to fight this negative and destructive feeling, then always proceed from the idea that your partner is faithful to you. By continuing to think that he is cheating on you, you will never be able to cope with jealousy.
- Realize that the reason for your jealousy lies not in the actions of your partner, but in your own fears of the horrors that your imagination draws: betrayal, betrayal, loneliness. nine0038
- Having understood that the reason for your jealousy is fears and complexes, do not expect your partner to do something magical, from which jealousy will be removed as if by hand. Will not take off. The only person who can pull you out of the swamp of jealousy before it completely destroys you completely is yourself.
- Replacement of fear. The best way to deal with fear is another fear. Stop being afraid that your loved one will cheat on you, start to fear that with your suspicions, scenes of jealousy and tantrums, you will finally destroy your relationship. When you are truly afraid of this, the feeling of jealousy will leave you forever. nine0038
If you find it difficult to cope with jealousy on your own, sign up for a consultation with professional psychologists. The specialists of "My Family Center" and "Crisis Center for Women and Children" will help you in such a difficult situation.
Press Service of the Department of Labor and Social Protection of the City of Moscow
Dealing with Jealousy in a Relationship - Study Buddhism
Jealousy makes us afraid that our friend or partner will leave us. It spoils our relationships and completely deprives us of inner peace. The more jealous and possessive we are, the less the other person will want to be around. It will help us to realize that we are all capable of loving a huge number of people and things. Love for friends, work, sports does not cancel, but only deepens our partner's love for us, and our love for him. nine0007
Jealousy and envy
Jealousy is different from envy. Envy is, for example, when we are single and jealous of couples or we are attracted to a person who is already in a relationship. We also want to be in such a love relationship or we ourselves want to receive the care and attention of this person. In both cases, the object of our envy is something we lack. This can cause feelings of inadequacy and other problems associated with low self-esteem.
Jealousy in relationships
If we are already in a relationship, jealousy can be even more unsettling. Unlike envy, where we focus on what someone else has, jealousy focuses on our partner or friend and one other person. As a rule, we are afraid that we will lose a special relationship with our partner, because he will prefer another. We become intolerant of competition and fear that our partner may cheat on us. For example, we feel jealous if ours spends time with other people or attends any events. Even dogs tend to experience this kind of jealousy when a child is born to their owners. It contains elements of resentment and hostility, as well as self-doubt and distrust. nine0007
If we are insecure, we get jealous when our friend or partner spends time with other people. This is due to the fact that we are not sure of our own worth, we question the love of another person and because of this we do not trust our partner. We are afraid of being rejected. Fear can arise even if our spouse or friend doesn't spend time with anyone else at all. Our sense of ownership is so strong that we are afraid of being abandoned at any moment.
To learn how to work with jealousy, it is important to reflect on the fact that our heart has the ability to love everyone - this is one aspect of our Buddha nature. When we remember this, jealousy subsides, because we see that love for one person does not exclude love for others. Think of yourself: you can open your heart to many people and things [See: What is love?]. You can love your partner, children's friends, pets, parents, country, nature, God, hobbies and so on. In the heart there is a place for love for all. Love is not selective. We have a perfect ability to maintain relationships with all the objects of our love, expressing our feelings in the way that is appropriate in each case. We do not express love and affection towards our dog in the same way we would towards our husband, wife or parents! nine0007
If we can open our heart, so can our partner. Everyone has the same ability to spread love to an incredible number of people and things, even the whole world. It is unrealistic and dishonest to expect, let alone demand, that the other person loves only us and never has good-hearted relationships with others or self-interest. Do we really have such a bad opinion of him that we think that there is not enough room in his heart for us and for other people? Do we really want to keep him from discovering his Buddha nature, which includes the ability to love, and leaving him without the greatest joys of life? [Learn more about Buddha nature]. nine0007
But this is not about sexual infidelity. The issue of monogamy and infidelity is very complex and requires discussion of many other issues. In any case, if our sexual partner, especially if we are already married and have small children, cheats on us or spends too much time with other people, jealousy, resentment and possessive feelings will not help to correct the situation. It is necessary to solve this problem in a more sensible way. Shouting or trying to make a partner feel guilty is unlikely to make him fall in love with us. nine0007
Opening one's heart
When we think that friendship can connect us with only one person, it seems to us that only his love matters. Even if many other people love us, we tend to ignore it: "That doesn't count." If we continually open our heart to as many other sentient beings as possible and accept the love of our friends, relatives, pets, and so on—not just now, but in the past and future—we will feel more emotionally secure. This, in turn, will help overcome the fixation on one person as a special object of love. nine0007
Omniscience and love for all means that our heart and mind are open to all beings. But when a buddha focuses on one person, he or she is totally, 100% focused on that person only. Therefore, if we love everyone, this does not mean that the love for each particular person in us is weakening. Therefore, we should not be afraid that if we open our hearts to many people, our interpersonal relationships will become less intense and less satisfying. We will cling less to being perfect with just one person, and we may spend less time with each person, but whoever we meet, we will give him our full attention. It is the same with another person's love for us when he maintains close relationships with other people, and we are jealous, believing that because of this, his love for us is weakening. nine0007
It is unrealistic to expect that another person will fit us perfectly, like our "other half" - that he will complete us in every way and we will be able to share with him all aspects of our life. Such expectations are based on an ancient Greek myth told by Plato. It says that before everyone was whole, but then they were divided in half. Somewhere in this world our soul mate lives, and true love happens when we find it and reunite. Although this myth formed the basis of Western romanticism, it has nothing to do with reality. It's like believing in Prince Charming on a white horse who will save us. If we want to find friends according to all our interests, we need good-hearted relationships with many people. The same goes for our partner. We cannot share all the interests of our partner, so he needs other friends. nine0007
When a new person enters our lives, it is good to see him as a beautiful bird at our window. If we get jealous when it flies to other people and lock it in a cage, the bird will suffer, lose energy and even die. If we do not show possessiveness and let the bird fly freely, then we will experience much joy while we have it.