Old man dating young girl
Why Do Older Men Date Younger Women?
Consenting adults come together for many reasons and age isn’t always a factor. Older men may fall for younger women and younger women may sometimes prefer to date older men.
While some people may believe the motives behind big age gaps in relationships are always sinister, older men may gravitate toward younger women for many valid reasons, and that may be the case for younger women dating older men, too.
Age and consent
This article discusses older men dating younger women where both partners are above the legal age of consent in their state.
If both partners are above the legal age of consent, it doesn’t mean consent is implicit. Asking for consent and both people being on the same page is key in any healthy romantic relationship.
If you’re below the age of consent and an adult’s behavior is making you feel uncomfortable or unsafe, help is available. You can:
- Call the National Sexual Assault Hotline at 800-656-4673 for confidential, 24/7 support.
- Visit Stop It Now! for online resources or reach out to their helpline at 888-773-8368.
- Visit Childhelp for resources to handle and report abuse or to chat live with someone who can help.
Why does anybody want to date someone else? There are infinite possibilities.
The vulnerability of young girls has made the older-men-dating-younger-women stereotype a predatory one.
While it’s true that some men may consider younger women easy targets for manipulation or control, there are less sinister reasons an older man may be drawn to someone younger.
Sometimes it just happens. You fall in love with the person and overlook their age. Other times, it’s actually the energy, appearance, and life perspective of a younger woman that may be attractive to an older man. In some instances, the intention may not be a healthy one. Every case is different.
Ancestral practices
A 2020 large-scale replication study examined mate preferences across 45 countries.
Researchers found that most men placed a higher emphasis on appearance when it came to choosing a partner.
The reason behind it isn’t necessarily vanity.
Primitive humans seemed to have selected mates based on reproductive success. Features like youth, symmetrical bone structure, and wide hips in females were viewed as signs of overall health and vitality, which would ensure species survival.
On some level, the ancestral and instinctual attraction to such features may remain in both Eastern and Western cultures, as noted by a large international study from 2020.
This could be a reason why men, in general, may be attracted to younger women.
Long-standing traditions
Stephanie Juliano, a licensed professional clinical counselor from Rio Rancho, New Mexico, points out women haven’t traditionally had the benefit of equality.
“Men initially had more privileges, and so it was not unheard of taking a younger partner to take care of, and on the other hand, a young woman leaving home was being taken care of both financially and socially,” she explains.
While the adult-child relationship dynamic has been denounced in some parts of the world, there’s still much work to do in that respect. It’s also possible that these practices have influenced dating culture and there may still be an undercurrent of older men dating consensual younger women based on wanting to be their provider.
Entering crisis mode
It’s probably one of the most discussed reasons for older men dating younger women: The midlife or identity crisis.
Do older men mentally resist aging by dating younger partners? Is the midlife crisis even real? There’s much discussion but limited research on the topic. Some argue that this is yet another stereotyped cliche that doesn’t have much proof behind it.
How old is “too old” when it comes to an age gap in relationships?
According to data accumulated over the course of 7 decades, in developed countries, the average age gap among heterosexual couples is 2 to 3 years.
In these relationships, the data indicates it’s more common for men to be the older partner.
Age gaps are rarely discussed until they’re considered “too big,” but there’s no hard rule about when an age gap becomes significant.
Reported satisfaction in a relationship may start to see diminishing returns if the age gap between partners is larger than 10 years, suggests an 80-paper review from 2016.
In misogynist cultures, young women dating older men may be often accused of being “gold diggers,” or just in the relationship for financial gain.
Research, however, shows that when it comes to establishing long-term relationships, the majority of women, of all ages, are typically interested in older men.
A large study of more than 12,000 participants in Finland found that most women prefer same-age or older male partners throughout life, while men, regardless of age, tend to prefer women in their 20s.
While women may also seek older men out of long-standing provider traditions, there are other reasons this matchup might be appealing.
Emotional maturity
Research suggests men take longer than women to reach mental maturity, making it reasonable for young women to feel more emotionally compatible and secure with older men.
The father complex
Young women who grow up with absent, emotionally unavailable, or abusive fathers may develop what’s known as the father complex.
The father or Oedipus complex isn’t a recognized disorder in the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders, 5th edition, text revision (DSM-5-TR), and it’s a controversial term. Originally a Sigmund Freud’s theory, the term and concept have been long controverted.
Initially, the theory described how children form a strong attachment with the parent of the opposite sex and start to compete for attention and love with parents of the same sex. This is part of the natural psychosexual development.
When a person stays psychologically stuck in this stage of development, they may experience challenges in adult relationships.
When it comes to younger women dating older men, some people refer to the complex as “daddy issues,” a gendered stereotyping term.
Only a mental health professional can accurately determine if a younger woman’s attraction to older men has roots in unresolved childhood conflicts.
What about older women and younger men?
A double standard may exist in some cultures that accept older men dating younger women. Older women dating younger men may not be seen so kindly, although it could be explained differently.
Mary Mimi Schultz, a licensed professional counselor from Houston, explains this is often because the component of vulnerability is missing from this dynamic.
“When a younger man dates an older woman, it is more accepted because she is not in the relationship for money, typically,” says Schultz.
In a chauvinist culture, an older woman may still be seen as the weaker one in the relationship, not the one taking advantage of a younger partner, which may happen to older men dating younger women.
When two people genuinely love one another and have built that love on commonalities, companionship, respect, and trust, a relationship can work — regardless of the age gap.
Patricia O’laughlin, a licensed marriage and family therapist from Los Angeles, says relationships with a large age gap may be wonderful opportunities for personal growth.
“There can be significant differences in beliefs between generations. It’s a real chance to learn how to consider multiple perspectives on an issue or experience,” she says.
Schultz adds these types of relationships also tend to have high levels of maturity, which can mean a lower chance of settling for less than ideal circumstances.
“Typically, an age gap difference means one is in it for the love and relationship,” she says.
Any relationship can face challenges, but research suggests age gaps like those in relationships between older men and younger women have been linked to:
Depression
As partners age, the older partner may not be able to meet the energy levels of the younger partner, or may feel inadequate.
Depression in older adults may also be linked to experiences unique to the age, like losing close friends and retirement, something a younger partner may not be able to relate to.
Infidelity and lack of relationship commitment
Although not a rule, it’s possible that younger partners may gravitate back toward people their own age, particularly if the older partner doesn’t have the same sex drive.
Infidelity isn’t exclusive to relationships with age gaps, though. As in any other case, trust and open communication are key to managing this challenge.
Lower relationship satisfaction
Many factors can influence relationship satisfaction. With a large age gap, partners may experience stress or anxiety from:
- social stigma
- different priorities in life, or goals that don’t align
- power dynamics
- clashing social circles
- age-related health challenges
How to manage challenges
Experts cite communication as critical for the success of relationships between older men and younger women.
Juliano recommends open communication about big life questions, right from the start.
“Are there common interests in life goals, religion, family, where do you see yourself, what do you want in the next 5, 10, 15+ years?” she suggests you ask yourself.
O’Laughlin explains that figuring out these questions and creating plans to address them can strengthen your relationship and decrease resentment and conflict.
If you’re unsure where to start, a relationship counselor can help you and your partner identify areas of concern and possible solutions.
Why would older men date younger women and vice versa? As with any other relationship, there are many factors involved. Emotional security, maturity, common life perspectives, physical attraction, and chemistry may be involved. Instincts and culture may also play an important part.
It’s also possible in some cases that unresolved relationship challenges with father figures or traumatic experiences may be at play. Only a mental health professional can determine if this is the case.
Having a big age gap doesn’t necessarily mean your relationship is bound to fail. Open communication about life goals and expectations can help you and your partner build a foundation of trust and respect.
28 Truths, Attraction Secrets & Signs For Older Men
Many older men dream of dating a younger woman. But is this a good idea? There are many things to consider before you go down this road.
It’s every older man’s dream to have a young, beautiful woman hanging off his arm on the way to dinner or another social function.
But inter-generational relationships can be fraught with problems, and most of these problems come squarely down to one reason: poor management of expectations.
The older man in a relationship with a younger woman often struggles to correctly identify what it is that has attracted her in the first place.
Consequently, trying to work out what preconception attracted her to you and acting upon your mistaken logic can actually have a negative effect.
Why do older men date younger women?
Many people wonder why someone would want to get into a relationship with someone who is much younger or older than them. So why do older men date younger women? Here are some reasons.
1. Ancestral practices
Many people’s ancestors might have engaged in the practice of older man-younger women being together or marrying. [Read: Marital traditions – their not-so-sweet origins and our modern choices]
Younger women are of childbearing age, and many older women are not. So, if an older man wants children, then the option of choosing a younger woman is more appealing, similar to his ancestors.
2. Long-standing traditions
Many cultures have traditions such as arranged marriages. And in this case, the woman rarely has a choice of who will become her husband. Perhaps it’s a tradition for an older man to marry a younger woman in many parts of the world.
3. Entering crisis mode
There are a lot of men who go through a mid-life crisis. They realize that they are growing older, and this huge realization makes them want to recapture their youth. [Read: Biggest signs of a midlife crisis for a man and what causes them]
One of the ways they can do this is by dating a younger woman. It kind of “tricks” him into thinking he is young again too.
How old is “too old” when it comes to an age gap in relationships?
While every couple is unique, and there is no hard-and-fast rule for age gaps, there is a popular guideline. And that is called the “half-your-age-plus-seven” rule of age-difference dating.
For example, if a man is 50 years old, half of his age is 25. Then, if you add seven years to that, you get 32. So, the youngest woman that a 50-year-old man should date is a 32-year-old. [Read: Dating age rule – what’s an acceptable age gap for a couple?]
Another example would be if a man is 60 years old, half of his age is 30. Add seven years to that, and you get 37. And that would be his minimum age.
This is a rule with regard to social acceptance of a big relationship age gap.
However, if you think about it, it can get ridiculous the older a man gets. For example, using this rule on an 80-year-old man, the youngest he should date is a 47-year-old woman. [Read: Age gaps – the new trend in relationships]
And let’s be honest, not a lot of 47-year-old women would want to date an 80-year-old man.
This rule of thumb is said to have originated in France and was set as a formula for the suitability of a bride for marriage to an older man.
Regardless of whether or not you use this rule, it’s important to go with your gut. If you think a woman is too young for you, then she is. And, of course, you always want to make sure she is a legal adult! [Read: May December relationships – 22 truths, problems, and why it works so well]
What attracts an older man to a younger woman?
Many people wonder why an older man would want to date a younger woman. After all, it seems like most couples are relatively close in age. Here are some factors that make some older men attracted to younger women.
1. Beauty
In our world, most cultures equate youth with beauty. Not that older women can’t be attractive too, but a youthful glow is something that is particularly appealing to most men.
If a woman is beautiful on top of that, then that’s just the icing on the cake. [Read: 46 secrets to sexually arouse a woman mentally but not make it obvious]
2. Makes him feel young again
Everyone has heard of a man’s “mid-life crisis.” This occurs when they realize that they are getting older, and they start to panic.
When an older man is with a younger woman, it makes him feel like his youth isn’t slipping away from him as quickly as it is.
3. Young women have more energy
As people age, they tend to get slower. They don’t walk as fast and aren’t quite as active as they were when they were young. So, a younger woman will have a lot more energy than an older woman. [Read: Positive vibes – 17 ways to welcome positive energy into your life]
4. They make him feel wanted
When people get older, their looks tend to fade. This usually has a negative impact on most people’s self-esteem.
They may start to feel as if they aren’t as attractive as they used to be. So, a young woman will make an older man feel attractive and wanted in a sexual way.
5. They are more naïve
Some older men like to be in control both in their professional and personal lives. And as we all know, wisdom comes with age. [Read: Compromise in a relationship – 17 ways to give and not feel like you lost]
This means that older women tend to be less naïve and more difficult to control than younger women. So, some men might prefer a young woman for this reason too.
6. It’s good for their ego
It’s not surprising that human beings want to be admired. So, when an older man has a young, beautiful woman hanging on his arm, it is good for his ego. Plus, he probably enjoys making other men jealous, which can be part of a man’s competitive nature.
Can a bond between older men and younger women work?
Again, each individual couple is different, so there is not one answer to this question. Can a relationship like this work? Absolutely. Can it fail miserably? Absolutely. [Read: 20 relationship problems that push a couple apart or bring them closer]
But let’s focus on the positive reasons why an older man with a younger woman can work.
1. Women mature faster than men
In general, females mature sooner in life than males do. Some research theorizes that man’s brain doesn’t fully mature until he is somewhere around 35-40 years of age. For women, it’s much younger than that.
For that reason, younger women may not be as compatible with younger men because of their immaturity. If they are looking for a stable man with his act together in life, then an older man might be the right choice for them. [Read: 20 signs of maturity and traits that reveal a mature mind]
2. Older men are better at relationships
Because older men have either been in more relationships or had longer ones, they usually have more experience.
Now, that doesn’t necessarily mean that they are all better, but many have learned from their mistakes through the years.
3. Could be more sexually compatible
Most young men have a very high sex drive. And that works for women if they also have a similar libido. But many women simply don’t want to have sex as often as young men do. [Read: Sexual compatibility – 47 signs to tell if you’re incompatible and ways to fix it]
As men age, their testosterone starts to decline, so their sex drive diminishes. So, if a woman doesn’t have a very high sex drive, then she might be more compatible with an older man in the bedroom.
4. Mentor-mentee dynamic
Many successful older men enjoy sharing their personal and professional knowledge with younger people. And this could be one of the reasons why an older man would want to date a younger woman.
If the woman appreciates all of the guidance that the older man is giving her, then this mentor-mentee dynamic can work quite well. [Read: Simple ways to be a better role model for the youth]
How do you tell if a younger woman is interested in you?
Perhaps an older man works with a younger woman, lives in the same condo complex, or sees her as a regular at the same bar they go to. Either way, if an older man keeps bumping into a younger woman who seems a tad bit too friendly, he might wonder if she is actually interested or just being friendly.
Here are some signs to look out for.
1. She always asks for his help
Most women know that a man wants to feel like a woman’s hero. [Read: What does it mean to date someone in reality – not a fairy tale?]
So, if a young woman is interested in an older man, she might frequently ask for his help. This could be as simple as opening a jar or seeking his assistance with a career matter.
2. She laughs at his jokes
Laughing at people’s jokes can be a form of flirting, and it just comes naturally when you’re interested in someone.
This is especially true if the jokes are really that funny! So, if she “over-laughs” at an older-man’s jokes, then she is probably interested in him. [Read: 66 flirty, naughty, and funny questions to ask a girl and leave her tingly]
3. She touches him for no reason
Touching is another sign of flirting. It’s instinctual to want to be near and to touch someone that we are attracted to.
So, if she seems to find any and all reasons to touch the older man, it’s probably because she’s doing it either consciously or subconsciously out of interest. Either way, it’s a good sign.
Disadvantages of dating younger women
While dating a younger woman probably sounds great to most older men, it doesn’t come without its challenges too. There are some disadvantages to keep in mind, and here they are. [Read: New relationship doubts – 22 toxic and normal signs to read what you feel]
1. Wanting a family
If an older man has been married before and has older children, he might not want to get married again and start all over with more kids.
Most younger women tend to want to settle down and start a family. So, unless both people are honest and upfront about wanting/not wanting children in the future, it may not work out very well.
2. Prioritizing a career
Prioritizing a career can happen on either end. In one scenario, the man might be high up in his career and have a lot of demands on his time. The younger woman might not understand this and feel neglected. [Read: Love or career – how to choose and make sure you’re not left feeling bitter]
Another scenario could be the exact opposite; if an older man has already retired, he might have a lot of time on his hands.
And if the younger woman is heavily into her career, she might not have time for him. Either way, it can cause problems in the relationship.
3. Other people will judge you
While a man might think that he will look like the hottest thing on earth with a hot young woman on his arm, not everyone sees it that way. [Read: Lessons to learn to deal with judgmental people]
Some may look at him and think he’s some sort of pedophile if he’s old enough to be her father. They might judge him and think he’s shallow, too.
4. Infidelity and lack of relationship commitment
When people are young, they can lack commitment and even cheat on their partners. So, if the young woman isn’t mature, she might have one foot in and one foot out of the relationship. After a while, she might be looking for a younger man.
Or, on the flip side, maybe a man has been married for decades and now feels like sowing his wild oats. He might want to sleep with a lot of women, and so that would make the younger woman feel insecure. [Read: Fear of commitment – 47 signs, whys, and ways to get over your phobia]
5.
This could be one of the biggest problems of all. The younger woman and older man most likely grew up in completely different generations.
He might not have had the internet or more than three TV channels to watch growing up. Meanwhile, she can’t even imagine life without modern technological conveniences.
But even beyond that, they grew up with different music, TV shows, and clothes. They might not be able to relate to the same memories.
That reliability bridge can prove to be too essential yet too difficult to cross. [Read: When does age difference in relationships matter?]
Making the most of being an older man with a younger woman
While there can be disadvantages to dating a younger woman, it certainly can work. So, if you have decided to go for it, you can make the most of it.
The fact is, she fell for you, not a younger guy, and you have to play up your strengths without overcompensating or displaying any insecurities.
If she’s interested in an older man, there’s probably a reason, and the best you can do in this situation is make the most of what you have and who you are. [Read: Relationship stages – the phases couples go through by months and years]
The following dos and don’ts should give you a better idea of how to manage your position in your May-December relationship to your best advantage.
1. DO show off your emotional maturity
One of the main reasons that she’s with you *and not with some stud of her own age* is because younger guys often don’t hit the emotional mark. They may have the bodies of demigods, but they can also have the emotional maturity of a walnut.
Guys emotionally mature at a much slower rate than women and can easily get into their thirties with the emotional intelligence of a five-year-old. They laugh at fart and tit jokes–enough said. [Read: How to be mature – 25 ways to grow up and face life like an adult]
So, take advantage of the younger guy’s failings. Show her how even-headed you are and how readily able you are to talk about your feelings in a calm and responsive manner.
Show her that your maturity ensures that a relationship with you is a true emotional partnership, not a one-way street to toy town!
2. DO show off your intellectual prowess
You don’t get to your later years without learning a thing or two. This doesn’t mean that you have to talk at length about quantum physics or sub-Saharan politics. [Read: Attracted to intelligence? Clues you might be sapiosexual]
The fact is you have a rounded understanding of the world that reaches into a whole range of topics the younger man can’t even touch.
You have opinions that are considered and respected, and you have the confidence to deliver them; the younger man is limited to names and performances of his favorite sportsmen, while you can hold court upon any subject with ease.
This is a strength that the younger woman admires and aspires to. Want to impress her? There’s no better place to start than with your voice and mind. [Read: What do women want in a man – 41 traits that make a guy VERY desirable]
3. DO share your life experiences
You don’t have to be a daredevil stunt driver or an extreme sports junkie to pick up some interesting experiences along the way.
Time takes care of that. It may be people you’ve met, places you’ve been on holiday, or anything else that stands out from the normal array of day-to-day activities.
Sharing these things with a younger woman you have your eye on will fascinate her, scintillate her, and keep her coming back for more. [Read: Spontaneous romantic moves men should try on a date]
This is especially true when her male peers struggle to find anything to talk about beyond frat parties and TikTok.
4. DO take an interest in her
Sadly, this is something that younger guys are really bad at. They will prattle on about themselves incessantly until the woman they admire is ready to jump out of the nearest window in a last-ditch effort to escape.
A conversation should be a two-way street with attempts to solicit information from the other person, and it should involve as much listening as talking, if not more. [Read: 33 BIG dating deal breakers for women that make a girl decline or reject a guy]
This is another strength of the older man. His levels of empathy and patience have strengthened over time and will prove an invaluable tool in wooing a younger woman who is used to clueless younger men.
She will feel important and worthy of listening to and will definitely be ready to take things a step further.
5. DO let your fingers do the talking
If you’re lucky enough to progress the relationship to the bedroom, then you’re in a fantastic position to consolidate your superiority over the younger man. [Read: Sexual foreplay – 26 lusty secrets to do it well and make them hot and horny]
It is usually the case that the twentysomething male has a “jump straight in, genitals first and only” kind of approach.
If he lasts more than the time it takes to cook an egg in his selfish efforts to reach a boiling point, then the woman can count herself lucky.
The older male, however, knows exactly what his hands, fingers, lips, and tongue are for and knows when to use them. [Read: Foreplay moves every guy needs to do to their ladies]
Use your sexual sophistication to give her what may easily be her first true orgasm, and have her begging to come back for more.
6. DON’T try to buy her
Yes, you’re older; you probably have a better career than any of the younger guys she knows–and, consequently, a lot more money.
However, don’t try to take advantage of this fact to secure her affection. She may feel offended by your attempts to buy her, and you could end up pushing her away. [Read: Date ideas men love but women actually hate]
Even worse, she may accept your cash-fueled advances–and is that really the kind of girl you want to be in a relationship with?
Gold diggers do not make for a long and healthy relationship. She may end up costing you a lot more than money.
7. DON’T make her feel inferior
There may be a temptation for some older guys, with their wealth of experience and knowledge, to see themselves as superior to the girl they are interested in dating. [Read: The dumbest mistakes men make in relationships]
Even if her experiences aren’t as grand as your own, don’t play them down. They might not mean much to you, but they do to her.
8. DON’T listen to the rumors
People are a jealous bunch of creatures. There will be men and women who take issue with your age gap and spread malicious rumors and gossip about you.
However, we have already explained how symbiotic the relationship between an older man and a younger woman is, and you certainly don’t need to listen to the nay-sayers. [Read: An ex’s revenge – “My ex’s rumors ruined me]
If you start listening to the rumors and let them put you off the relationship, shame on you.
9. DON’T do a Travolta
Please, please, please resist the urge to start adopting young fashions in an effort to fit in with her age group. The fact is, you’ll never quite get it right, and you’ll probably just end up looking like some former 70s disco legend.
Pathetic for you and highly embarrassing for her. The trick is to aim for style over fashion. It suits your age, and whereas fashion is just for the season, style is eternal. [Read: 30 traits and things women look for in a man that make a guy totally irresistible]
10. DON’T try to be an athlete
Viagra and energy drinks consumed, you are determined to prove to her that age is no barrier to being an energetic love god.
However, you’ll never compete with a younger man on that score, and to be perfectly honest, that isn’t what she wants from you, anyway.
She’s hoping for the benefit of years of experience and the sensitivity it imparts… not yet another high-speed genital intervention!
[Read: How to be an alpha male – unleash the irresistible inner you]
There’s so much about you, as an older man, that she is likely to be interested in. Using these tips, make the most of who you are and wow her with your superior skills of seduction.
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In the arms of an old man. Why do girls choose older men | Psychology of life | Health
Looking at unions in which she is a little over twenty, and he is in his fifth or even sixth decade, it is hard to believe that we are talking about great and pure love, rather, it is a matter of a solid bank account. What else pushes girls into the arms of old men, psychologist Maria Merkulova explains .
Natalya Kozhina, AiF.ru: — Maria, why do some girls enter into relationships or even marry men who are two or even three times older than them?
Maria Merkulova : - Let's start with the fact that in our country, girls, in principle, begin to want to get married quite early, this can be fueled by the upbringing or example of their own parents. Many already at the age of 20 dream of a stamp in their passport, although in Europe the picture is completely different, thoughts of marriage appear there after thirty. What should a spouse be like? Firstly, secured, secondly, reliable, thirdly, he must have a certain social status. A twenty-year-old guy is unlikely to meet these criteria, so preference is given to an older candidate who has both a solid position and a good income, an apartment, a car, a bank account, etc. So the primary reason is the desire to marry a worthy companion. That's what some girls think about.
- But not everyone gets married, some just live with men who are suitable for their fathers ...
- Yes, not all, but potentially any woman, meeting a suitable candidate, wants to marry him, give birth children, there are hardly those who dream of being in an indefinite status of a concubine or mistress until a very old age. However, the fear of being alone or losing some bonuses from a relationship with an adult man does not allow the girl to get out of them.
— By bonuses, do you mean a beautiful life?
— Of course. Now it is actively promoted both in the media and with the help of social networks. Girls at the age of twenty show off expensive handbags, cars and apartments on Instagram, it is clear that their peers also want to have the same wealth. And how to get it? Find yourself a wealthy man, albeit in years. This is the shortest way to the material well-being that you want to achieve, to the circle of friends in which you want to rotate, etc. Due to these external attributes, a girl often raises her self-esteem, although this is the wrong way.
- From girls who are in relationships with older men, you can often hear: "I'm with him because he is very interesting." Do you think there is a lot of truth in these words?
— I don’t think that this is the primary reason why they entered into such a relationship, but absolutely for sure — the truth that the girl herself believes. If you love getting new information, meeting new people, traveling, etc., such a man is often able to help satisfy such a request. Another thing is that for this it is not at all necessary to have sexual contact and marry a person who is three times older than you. It's a pity that not everyone understands this.
- It is believed that in a relationship where the husband is much older than the wife, a woman subconsciously looks for a father in a man. This is true?
- This happens if the girl did not have a very warm and emotional relationship with her dad, she lacked parental love and care. Of course, she may unconsciously seek satisfaction of her need to love and be loved with the help of an adult male. It is difficult for a young guy to provide this, because he himself may want to be loved, and an adult partner is quite capable of meeting all the stated requirements. Although it would be better if such a man directed all his love and care to his children and grandchildren, and not to a young mistress. But, on the other hand, this is a personal matter for everyone.
- If we are talking about a student and a teacher at an age that, by the way, may not always be wealthy, why is such a relationship also not uncommon?
- A teacher for a girl is initially a status person, because she is in the role of a student, and he comes and broadcasts to the entire audience. It's like a secretary and a director, a nurse and a doctor. Plus, there are such types of upbringing in which a girl is taught from childhood to obey her father, maybe even at some points to be afraid of his punishment, etc.
By the way, there really is not always a vested interest here, but rather the fact that girls mature faster than their male peers, and they have a need to fall in love. Remember, as with Tatiana from Onegin: "She waited and waited." So imagine, one day a person enters the audience whom you must obey, who says something important to you, is handsome and shows interest in you. How not to lose your head here? Plus, sometimes the educational process is so intense that the girl once again cannot go anywhere with classmates and friends. When you live in a home-study-home schedule, there is no way to make a choice in favor of a peer. And I want to love. I want someone to come and make your life a fairy tale, color this boring world, and this is how a connection with a teacher appears, which, by the way, a competent teacher will not allow.
- We were just talking about the fact that twenty-year-old guys are not ready for marriage and cannot meet the needs of young women, but today many complain that men in their 30s and even 40s are also not in the mood for marriage and serious relationships . Maybe that's why the choice falls on those who are older?
- I do not have exact statistics, but I can say that, despite the fact that from 30 to 40 years old is the ideal age to build a family and have children, some men are really not ready for cardinal changes in their lives. Many become independent very late, today there is still a certain infantilism among thirty-year-olds, this is true. And why does a girl need such a companion when she can connect her life with a more mature and already accomplished person?
- How viable are marriages in which the man is much older than his partner?
- Age in this case does not play a significant role. It all depends on the specific situation. If a man chooses young partners for self-affirmation, it is clear that when his next lady of the heart becomes five years older, he will quickly find a replacement for her and the union will fall apart. There will be a similar ending when a woman dreams of children, and her adult companion, who already has seven shops, does not need another child. But, if there is no such conflict, everything will be fine. So much depends on the specific situation, and it would be wrong to say that a marriage between peers will last longer than, for example, between a fifty-year-old man and a twenty-year-old girl.
- Men and sex: truths and myths about what they like and what they don't →
- The private life of a man. What is treason and why do they go to the young? →
- Why is it pulling to the left? Mothers are to blame for the betrayal of sons →
What to do if you and your girlfriend have a huge age difference
“I went to college and worked for the student newspaper. He was 40, he was an editor. I was 22 and I was already engaged to another person, my age. I had to leave my fiancé and move in with Dennis. We got married a few years later and had two children. Looking back, I realize that our early relationship could not have existed between a college teacher and a student.” – Leela , 55 years old, 18 years younger than her husband.
“We met at the gym, but it took about three years to start a romantic relationship. I was a coach and could not invite her, but, fortunately, she does not share my prejudices” - Nathan , 49 years old, 14 years older than his girlfriend.
“We met at a wedding. We always say that we would never have found each other on a dating app, because we didn’t even fall into each other’s age limits, and our interests were completely different.” – Emma , 26 years old, 11 years younger than her partner.
"We met on a fetish dating site" - Sean , 35, 14 years older than his girlfriend.
Did you know about the age difference when you first met?
"The first time I saw him, I thought, 'Old man.' But it's funny how the first impression can change so much.” – Leela .
“Yes. That's one of the reasons I didn't ask her out on a date. I thought she might be a Republican. Luckily, no.” – Nathan .
Do you feel like you are at different stages in your life?
“The difference in age becomes most obvious when talking to parents. His mom and dad are already very old people, and mine are practically the same age as my husband, still quite young and active people. My father looks after the grandchildren two days a week, my parents travel a lot, work, etc. - Ashley.
“In a way. She is just starting to build a career, and I'm already at the next stage. It turns out that soon I will become a father-nurse. But the child helps us to stay approximately in the same slice of life. It's wonderful" - Nathan .
“Our differences come out when we communicate with friends. Together, the age difference is not noticeable at all, ”- Nicole , 43 years old, 16 years younger than her husband.
“There is a big difference between the way I amuse myself – social media, go to cafes – and what he does: bowling and darts league. I'm not very good at this. Sometimes he tries to give me advice because he has "already been through it." I'm not happy about this, because after these remarks, the gap is felt much sharper, ” Nina , 26, nine years younger than her boyfriend.
Do outsiders comment on your age difference?
“My husband acts like he's in his early 30s.
