Ocd thinking the worst
Why "Catastrophizing" is Common in OCD — Pinnacle Counseling and Testing Center
Pinnacle Counseling and Testing Center
Pinnacle Counseling and Testing Center
Individuals with Obsessive Compulsive Disorder (OCD) engage in what psychologists refer to as “catastrophizing.” This phrase is used to describe the repeated mental simulation of unlikely catastrophic scenarios. Researchers have discovered that this phenomenon has to do with an individual’s warped perception of the realistic probability of certain events. A new paper published in the journal Clinical Psychological Science illustrates why people with OCD often partake in catastrophizing.
“OCD-related obsessions are largely organized around fears of a specific harmful consequence that compulsions are enacted to prevent,” said the researchers led by Christopher Hunt of the University of Minnesota. Nearly all common symptoms associated with the major OCD subtypes have two main attributes. First, the most feared situations for those with OCD are objectively catastrophic: the loss of housing, health, or loved ones. Second, the scenarios surrounding the events in question are highly unlikely.
In order to investigate the idea that improbable events are viewed as a possible scenarios for those with OCD, the researchers studied 78 university students. They first measured the participants’ levels of OCD by using the 18-item OCI-R questionnaire. This questionnaire measures an individual's overall levels of OCD.
Once this step was completed, it was then requested that the students play a video game where they were a farmer with the goal of harvesting crops in an environment that was not predictable. They had to make decisions in the game, like choosing between taking a short, dangerous road or a long, safe road to start planting crops. Negative events during the game caused the students to get a small electric shock to their wrist. Their expectations and reactions to negative scenarios were measured by analyzing their startle response and self-reported anxiety and threat-probability ratings that were requested at different points during the game.
Through this process, the researchers found that the participants that exhibited OCD symptoms were more avoidant of the lower probability negative outcomes in the game. They noted, “OCD did not confer a general tendency to avoid threat but, rather, a specific proclivity to avoid experimental analogues of improbable catastrophes.” It was also discovered that students with OCD showed an increased startle response to low probability negative events.
These results offer initial experimental support for the idea that “a variety of common OCD presentations involve concerns with improbable catastrophic consequences and further implicate a more general sensitivity toward improbable threat as a candidate deficit driving this phenomenon.” The researchers concluded that this study provides the first lab-based test of whether OCD is associated with an underlying sensitivity regarding unlikely catastrophic threats. The results illustrate that those with higher OCD symptoms were more avoidant of potential threats that were both improbable and highly aversive.
6 Thinking Patterns that Make OCD and Anxiety Worse
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In this video we’ll look at six types of thinking that feed OCD. They make it worse. And the reason we look at these is because when you can notice these thoughts and clarify that they aren’t helpful and then replace believing them with something else, you can actively decrease OCD symptoms.
OCD is caused by a combination of factors: genetic and biological — so that’s what’s going on with our bodies, including inflammation, nutrition, and stress, etc. — environmental — which is our experiences — and the psychological — so how we think. And the way you think and act determines whether you feed or starve your OCD.
6 Thinking Patterns That Make OCD Worse
So let’s explore six thinking patterns that make OCD worse, and then we’ll talk about what to do about it.
1. Inflated Responsibility
The first one is inflated responsibility. So this is where you believe that you are responsible for preventing bad things from happening to everyone. It’s epitomized by the nursery rhyme “Don’t step on a crack or you’ll break your mother’s back.”
People with OCD may obsess over every little thing they do, as they feel personally responsible for preventing others from getting cancer, getting in an accident, losing their job, or even they feel responsible to prevent natural disasters from happening.
The magical thinking leads to compulsions like “I have to pace 100 steps to prevent an earthquake from happening” or “I have to drive around the block 20 times to make sure that the speed bump wasn’t actually a person. ”
Now, while a person with OCD may logically know that doing the compulsions doesn’t actually prevent something, they still may fear that if they don’t do their ritual and then something bad does happen it would be their fault. So they do the compulsion anyway.
It’s like an attempt to gain control over something that we can’t control. It’s the uncertainty of not knowing if something bad will happen. So for someone with OCD, that uncertainty is extra uncomfortable, and compulsions are an attempt to make that discomfort go away.
2. Thought Fusion
Number two is believing that thinking it and doing it are the same thing. So this is where you believe that if you think something, it’s just as bad as doing it. If you have a sexual thought, it’s as though you acted on it. Or if you wish someone disappeared, it’s as though you murdered them.
Someone with OCD may feel actual guilt for a crime they didn’t commit; they just thought about it. And not only did they not do the thought, but in general they would be horrified if they did do that. They didn’t want to stab someone while they were cutting up veggies. They have no desire to harm a child.
These things sound horrible, and they believe that thinking this thought is as bad as actually acting on it. So they may engage in compulsions to make those thoughts go away.
So this might look like keeping busy counting or hand washing, etc. And they might do these so that their mind doesn’t have time to think about the obsession. Or they might engage in compulsive prayer to repent from a sin that they haven’t committed.
3. Excessive Concern With Controlling Thoughts
Number three is excessive concern with controlling one’s thoughts. So it’s thinking things like, “I shouldn’t ever think this.”
And you’ll see this a lot with like religious OCD, or scrupulosity, um where people think, “I should never think a sexual thought. I should never feel angry.” And this can be fed by religious teachings.
So in my church we were taught that your mind is a stage and there can only ever be one thing on it at a time, and if something bad comes onto it you need to take it off the stage and put something else good onto it, like singing a hymn.
Now, this might work for 90% of people, but for people with OCD, they worry obsessively about controlling their thoughts, to the point that it actually makes those thoughts more likely. And that worry or the compulsions they’re doing to avoid those thoughts may interfere with their life. So they avoid or they distract or they use compulsions or anything to prevent a thought from popping into their mind.
Now, I’ve learned that there are two types of thoughts: the type that pops up randomly — and we really can’t control these, and it backfires to try — and then the type of thinking that we do as an action, as a behavior — and we can definitely influence this type of thinking. But struggling against the random pop-in thoughts or the intrusive thoughts definitely makes them worse.
4. Overestimation of Threat
Number four is an overestimation of threat. This is believing that the most likely outcome of a situation is the worst possible outcome. It’s thinking, “This will end up in tragedy for sure. ”
Now, with OCD and anxiety disorders, things that seem threatening are extra loud. The anxiety makes them seem more likely. Someone with OCD may believe, “If I don’t buckle my seatbelt we’ll get in a crash and all of my family members will die” or “If I don’t check the stove 15 times the house will burn down.”
5. Intolerance of Uncertainty
Number five is intolerance of uncertainty. It’s thinking, “I need to be 100% certain.”
Now, while almost everyone dislikes that feeling of uncertainty, people with OCD struggle a lot more than the average person to tolerate any uncertainty.
They may check for reassurance over and over. They might ask, “Did I hurt your feelings? Are you sure I didn’t hurt your feelings?” Or they may ask, “Do you actually love me?” over and over and over. Or they might ask, “Am I sure I locked the door?” and then they would check dozens of times.
These attempts to avoid uncertainty can make things worse.
6. Perfectionism
The sixth type of thinking that can make OCD worse is perfectionism. It’s believing “I can’t make a mistake. It would be horrible if I made a mistake.”
So this is like a form of catastrophizing. “It would be awful if I messed up. It would be terrible if I did something wrong. I have to make sure that I never make a mistake on my assignment, so I’ll check it, and I’ll check it so many times that I don’t turn it in because I’m not 100% sure that every single thing is accurate.”
6 Things You Can Do
So these are the six thinking patterns that make OCD or anxiety worse. But it’s important to know that you can change how you think. Or, more specifically, you can change how you relate to your thoughts. You can change what you pay attention to.
1. Notice and Acknowledge
So the first step is to notice these thoughts and just acknowledge that they’re thoughts, that they aren’t necessarily true or helpful; they’re just thoughts.
2. Replace Unhelpful Thoughts
Now, for some people it is helpful to replace these unhelpful thoughts with a more rational or helpful thought. So saying something like, “I’m not responsible for preventing natural disasters. I need to let it go” or saying, “Thoughts are just thoughts. They don’t mean anything about me. I’ll just shift my attention back to what I want to be doing instead.”
Or with perfectionism you say something like, “I can’t be perfect. I’ll just focus on progress instead.” Or a phrase like, “Done is better than perfect,” etc. And this is kind of a more traditional CBT, and it works for some people.
3. Work With a Therapist Trained in ERP
But for other people this type of CBT can lead to this constant internal struggle against thoughts. And the more you struggle with something the more attention you give it, and the more attention and energy you give it uh the more your brain dedicates to those thoughts. Basically, it makes those thoughts stronger for some people.
So when possible, it’s best to work with a therapist who is trained in ERP, which is exposure response prevention, where you essentially learn to allow the thought to be there without acting on it, without buying it, without doing the compulsion. When you don’t engage in the compulsion, it retrains your brain to be less anxious and to not buy into those obsessions.
4. Recognize Your Thoughts and Shift Your Attention
Now, there’s another type of OCD where you don’t engage in external compulsions, and this is called pure O, where the worry, the rumination, is the compulsion. So people with pure O use mental compulsions to manage anxiety and obsessions.
So for example, I once had a client who was an actor in school, and she worried about what position she’d get in the play. And she knew all the other actors in her troop really well, so she would compulsively assign all the different roles to different actors, and she would try out each situation in an attempt to gain some control and decrease uncertainty about auditions.
Now, this became a disorder because she would sometimes spend hours each day compulsively rearranging these roles in her head, and this interfered with her ability to do her homework.
Now, in this situation a therapist would help her stop compulsive worrying by recognizing these thinking patterns and shifting her attention back to what she needed to do, which is her homework. So I would recommend that you do ERP with a therapist.
5. Practice Cognitive Defusion
There are also two skills from acceptance and commitment therapy that can be really helpful. The first is called cognitive defusion, where you learn to notice thoughts without buying them, without believing them, without acting on them, without struggling against them.
6. Learn to Tolerate Uncomfortable Emotions
And ACT also helps people practice accepting uncertainty. And this is a skill you can learn, to tolerate uncomfortable emotions without needing to act on them or trying to force them to go away. This skill is called willingness, and I’ve got a bunch of videos teaching both of these skills on my channel. So if you Google therapy in a nutshell and cognitive distortions or willingness, you can learn more about them.
Long story short: you really can learn to change your relationship with your thoughts so that they don’t feed your OCD anymore.
I hope you found this video helpful. Thank you for watching, and take care.
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What is obsessive-compulsive disorder - RISE on vc.ruA state in which a person is subject to strange and tiresome rituals. Double-check the door, iron, light, wash your hands, step only on a whole tile, cross yourself, spit over your left shoulder ... How deeply did OCD penetrate the consciousness and what are its prerequisites?
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A film with Jack Nicholson "It's as good as it gets". Perfectly illustrates with the example of a hero what OCD 9 is0003
In touch RISE : community about nootropics and personal productivity. This article is based on a podcast by Andrew Huberman, a neuroscientist at Stanford University. In this article, we will analyze what obsessive-compulsive disorder is, how it manifests itself, and why the disease is more dangerous than it might seem.
How obsessive-compulsive disorder manifests itself
OCD is a fairly common disease. It is peculiar to different people and, fortunately, there are ways to get rid of it. What makes obsessive-compulsive disorder unusual is the wide range of tools available to help manage it:
- Medical therapy. A specially selected combination of drugs that reduces symptoms and opens up opportunities for psychological therapy. But drugs are prescribed by a doctor, the same meldonium, for example, will not give any effect.
- Psychotherapy. You can get rid of OCD with the help of therapies, provided that you are treated by a competent CBT psychologist. But even more unusually, even holistic therapy can work for OCD.
- Holistic therapy is a set of dietary supplements, as well as creating conditions for the client in which he will simply feel good. Oddly enough, but it helps.
Despite the fact that compulsive obsessive disorder seems to be amenable to simple treatment, the disease exhausts a person quite strongly, and help comes already at an advanced stage. And that's why.
Cycle problem in OCD
It seems the Scandinavians knew something about OCD
Obsessive-compulsive disorder is so named because it actually has two components. Namely:
- Obsessive thoughts - obsessions. The person does not want to think these thoughts, but they still spin in the head, worse than the stuck chorus of a stupid song.
- Obsessive actions - compulsions. Most often they take the form of protective rituals. Say, I will do something to protect myself from the problem. But the problem itself exists only in the head.
- With all this, there is a public opinion that provokes slight anxiety in front of their own rituals and thoughts, which increases the degree of anxiety and closes the circle.
Here it is appropriate to recall a Japanese parable. One day, a peasant met a samurai who was fiercely brandishing a katana. The samurai was sweaty, in a dirty kimono, and miraculously kept on his feet. When the peasant asked what he was doing, the samurai replied - I protect the world from invisible dragons! Have I seen them? No. Do I feel them? Also no. But I will not stop swinging the katana, because as soon as I stop, the dragons will plunge the world into the underworld.
The point of all this is that compulsions, repeated actions, give us short-term relief from obsessive thoughts. And then obsessive thoughts come back again, with a vengeance, and already light dietary supplements, like GABA, will not help here. If we draw an analogy, then it is like a mosquito bite or chickenpox. The more you scratch, the more it itches.
Prevalence of OCD
Compulsive-obsessional disorder is not physically dangerous, does not go much beyond the limits of consciousness, and is almost imperceptible to people around. Because of this, the prevalence of OCD is incredibly high. According to WHO, approximately 2-4% of the world's population suffers from OCD. And the reason is that people are shy about obsessive-compulsive disorder. Although the same alcohol intoxication is considered something normal for modern society.
The second problem is that OCD is in seventh place on the list of the world's most debilitating diseases. The list applies to ALL diseases, including cancer, autoimmune and neurodegenerative diseases. The reasons are as follows:
- People are ashamed to admit that they have OCD. They are ashamed of thoughts and rituals, hiding them in every possible way. Spending time and resources of the body on this.
- People with OCD have to constantly check and recheck their obsessions and compulsions. For example, the fact that you double-checked whether the door to the apartment is closed is normal. But a person with OCD does it 5, 10, 20 times.
- Repetition of rituals. A person is forced to repeat actions again and again, expending energy. Not just pull the door handle, but knock on it three times with the key, go down the right steps, repeat a series of numbers or words in your head. From the outside, it seems ridiculous. But for a person it is as important as we have breakfast or a wash.
- Control obsessions and compulsions. A person believes that something bad is bound to happen. Because of this, he is forced to control both thoughts and actions, constantly being in tension.
The most terrible thing is that a person is perfectly aware of the meaninglessness of rituals. He is well aware that he is engaged in useless actions that lead to nothing. But I have to repeat them again and again, because it helps to relieve the disturbing itch that reigns in the mind. Salvation can only be the basics of cognitive-behavioral therapy.
Nature OCD
Serotonin, dopamine, oxytocin and noradrenaline are getting ready for my going out
A person with an obsessive-compulsive disorder lives in a world filled with complexity. It is difficult for a person to find a route to work, it is difficult to choose a place to sit, it is difficult to lie down comfortably in bed, it is difficult to use transport. And the reason for this is anxiety, which even top productivity drugs are unlikely to help with.
Causes of OCD
Anxiety correlates with similar thought patterns and somatic manifestations. Rapid heartbeat, shallow breathing, dilated pupils, fussiness. The main difference from fear is that anxiety occurs for no apparent external reason.
This whole cycle of rituals and anxiety is based on cognitive errors, which also formed bugs in the evolution of consciousness. In practice, it looks like this:
- A person is walking down the street, and the thought arises in his brain: if I turn left, something bad will happen. This is an obsession. It is also not clear what exactly is “bad.” Anxiety is abstract, it does not have a specific object.
- At the same moment, tunnel vision is activated. A person begins to see only what he thinks about. If he turns to the right, he will experience temporary relief and fix the compulsion in his mind.
- If he turns left, the mind will automatically correlate any troubles with the choice made. Thus. closing the cycle of disturbing thoughts.
Approximately 70% of people with OCD also suffer from persistent anxiety. And the problem is that finding the root cause in this cycle is incredibly difficult. In the worst case scenario, OCD can even lead to depression.
Obsessive Compulsive Disorder and Compulsive Obsessive Personality Disorder
In short, these are OCD and OCPD. Obsessive Compulsive Personality Disorder (OCPD) is characterized by an obsession with order and control, with no room for flexibility. An illustrative example looks like this:
- A person cannot start work if the items on his table are in the wrong order. At the same time, a person is able to notice the difference even when the object is rotated by a few millimeters or degrees.
- A person cannot leave the house if his wardrobe is not in perfect condition. And a man cleans his shoes, laces his laces, irons his shirt collar 100,500 times.
- A person cannot start a conversation unless he thinks through his speech in advance. Every word, intonation, timbre. Only being confident in his route of speech, a person will begin to explain his thoughts.
In this case there are no rituals or obsessive thoughts. But there is a sense of control that is important to satisfy in a specific way.
What if you have Compulsive-Obsessive Personality Disorder?
Feel free to contact a psychotherapist or psychiatrist. As mentioned above, quite simple methods and tools can help. Timely therapy, the ability to relax, a certain set of drugs to provide the brain with a resource.
This is just the first article in a series about OCD that highlights the subject and depth of the problem. If you liked the material, please support it with a plus. The next article will already be devoted to a more in-depth review of the biochemistry of this disorder.
And you had the RISE community with you. Subscribe to the Telegram channel and the VK group to be the first to receive fresh materials and relevant articles about the brain, psyche and consciousness.
Author: Philip Donchev. RISE Community Editor
"Sometimes I think it would be better if I had cancer." What it's like to live with obsessive-compulsive disorder
Obsessive-compulsive disorder suddenly entered Lucy's life and changed her completely. Together with the Living Library project, we learned how to live when you cannot control your actions, and with her relatives - about the peculiarities of communication.
“Lyusya, you are sick”
– Psychologists or psychotherapists always start a conversation with one question: what happened in my life four years ago, because of which everything changed. It's funny, because at that time everything was fine. At the age of eighteen, I was a good student, popular at the university, and constantly in my circle of friends. I have no idea what could have been the impetus for the development of the disorder.
In general, I have always been an ordinary child, except that from the fifth grade I began to unconsciously pull out all my eyelashes and eyebrows. I still do this. I think about it, I get nervous - and here it is. As a child, because of this, I had a complex, but now - thanks to cosmetics and bangs - this does not interfere with my life. Yes, and in comparison with other problems, this is sheer nonsense.
I started noticing problems when I was given a hostel. I never had much desire for excessive order - I was an ordinary teenager. And at some point, I began to put everything together, constantly carefully wipe the dust and maniacally monitor cleanliness.
It seemed normal at first, but things got worse in the second year. I began to wash my hands, without exaggeration, for 15 minutes - I literally scrubbed them. I think at that stage the neighbor told me that her aunt had OCD and suggested that I google it. I compared the symptoms, realized that this was my case, and somehow scored - then I could still live and study normally.
Obsessive-compulsive disorder – mental disorder in which a person has intrusive and frightening thoughts. He unsuccessfully tries to get rid of the anxiety caused by these thoughts through obsessive and tedious actions.
In a matter of months, my condition reached the point where I couldn't even sleep or eat. Where did most of the time go? For washing and drying things that I urgently wanted to wash simply because a not very pleasant man passed by on the street.
I didn't get enough sleep, I was afraid of people, afraid to get dirty, I was exhausted from endless washing and showering - and at one moment I decided that I couldn't continue like this. The realization suddenly fell on me that my roof had gone: I realized that I didn’t even notice all the oddities behind me. “Lucy, you are sick,” I sat down and thought.
Realizing this fact clearly, I began to think and look for what to do. In our country, OCD is treated by psychotherapists, and it is very expensive. Now I accept it and give that kind of money - but then, from such numbers, my eyes climbed on my forehead. The only free option is New. I hadn't been to university for a couple of months and lay at my ex-boyfriend's house for weeks, unable to bring myself to walk out the door. My ex, of course, is not a saint, but at first he behaved like a hero: he courageously washed the walls with me, scrubbed a suitcase in the bathroom, dried jackets with a fan. Perhaps I decided to go to the hospital, because I understood: it was no longer possible to be near me.
I came to Novinki almost in a state of despair. The clothes, washed dozens of times, were supposedly dirty, so I showed up in my boyfriend's oversized pants and jacket. Crying, with trembling and bloody hands. I go up to an elderly male doctor in the waiting room and say that I can’t do this anymore.
“Well, let's go to bed,” he replied.
I was in shock: I sincerely thought that now they will prescribe pills, I will drink the course, and everything will be fine. I’m normal, I just wash my hands, I can’t go to a psychiatric hospital! But in our state medicine there is a kind of uncompromising attitude: either this way or nothing. Go crazy further. And I decided to lie down.
“I was immediately prescribed very strong drugs”
The mother arrived the next day. She generally had no idea what was going on for a long time, and she mistook my telephone confession about the psychiatric hospital for an unsuccessful joke. And then she got terribly scared. I was immediately prescribed very strong drugs, and for the first three days I was injected with a sedative - so that my mother saw me “nailed down”, barely dragging my legs along the wall of the hospital corridor. Of course, she had a terrible panic: she simply did not understand what had been done to me.
In fact, all the terrible expectations were not justified. I was in the department of borderline conditions, and everything was fine with us. With me in the ward lay a woman who was afraid to go outside, and a grandmother who lost her voice because she could not bring herself to speak except in a whisper - nothing terrible.
The department had both an aquarium and a TV set, so many people tried to come to us on purpose – in a way it was a sanatorium.
I was given various drugs, but they do not cure OCD. In principle, it is practically impossible to neutralize it - except to control it, and psychotherapy is needed for this. But there was only one psychotherapist for the entire department.
I remember how I went and took it out, but at the same time I understood that it couldn't be torn off on all of us. In general, I hung out in the hospital for a month, but nothing happened. Then I just went to the doctor, asked how much longer I should lie here, because there were no changes. And he took and discharged me.
“Well, why me?”
In the first year, my state was reduced to the hysterical phrase “why me?”. In very difficult moments, I thought everything: if only my arm would be amputated instead of this one, and it would be better if I had cancer, but in recent months I lived calmly. Because it's terrible not to control your brain.
I quit my studies, but I can't really work anywhere. There are days when I'm just not able to leave the house - I think few bosses can understand my "sorry, I'm glitched here, I won't come today." Therefore, I survive with temporary part-time jobs that my friends give me.
I can't say that I feel better. My illness depends on the seasons: in spring and summer I am almost a normal person. Well, except for a bunch of washes and a few hours in the shower. And here in the winter the exacerbation begins. Recently, everything was generally difficult: I did not leave the house for two and a half weeks. I just couldn't.
“My imagination will immediately draw bacilli flying across the street”
The difference between OCD and schizophrenia and other disorders is that you perfectly understand what you can die from and what is not dangerous. That is, I can start a panic attack if some alcoholic sneezes on the other side of the street. My imagination immediately draws his bacilli flying across the street and infecting me. At the same time, I understand perfectly well that this is unrealistic.
I realize that everything is fine, but I can’t control myself: tension builds up inside, panic sets in - as a result, I come home and immediately throw everything that I have on into the wash for three to four hours in the hardest mode. It got to the point that I did not open my suitcase in one of the rented apartments until I had made repairs in it and it seemed clean enough to me.
And once I completely threw away absolutely all my things simply because something allegedly dripped on them from a bottle of an unpleasant passerby when I was transporting a suitcase. It was funny: I got rid of clothes, but I never got a job. It’s good that I’m a sociable person: my friends helped me with the world around me then.
“I film my actions because I don't trust myself.”
OCD takes a lot of time and effort. I can’t just throw things in the washing machine and go about my business: I go and check every five minutes whether there is definitely foam, whether everything works. Often I even film my actions on camera, because I stop believing in myself.
Sometimes I could go to bed and suddenly doubt whether I added powder. I had to get up in the middle of the night and go to wash everything. Yes, and standing in the shower for three hours is worse than an eight-hour working day. In addition, at any moment something can go wrong, break the usual algorithm. And then you have to start all over again.
Once the water was turned off at my house, personal experiences were added to my OCD - and at one moment I was so wedged that I was sure: now I will die. There was no telephone at home, and I just ran out into the street in a nightgown so that people would not let me die. Passers-by saw it and called an ambulance.
“He didn't come to visit us again”
In general, I tell all my friends about my peculiarities. But not everyone immediately understands the level of seriousness. When you tell the guys in the company that they are very cool, but it’s better not to touch me, there are those who intentionally start touching you.
Once I was kicked by a guy in a bar for fun, and I was so scared that I threw my cocktail into him. It's still awkward. And once an acquaintance of my neighbor came to visit us and did not wash his hands after the toilet - and when I asked him to do this, he touched the wall for fun. Thank God, we were already going to re-paste the wallpaper, because I would have done it anyway - I got so hysterical. In general, he did not come to our house anymore.
I experiment with different doctors, save money and wait for something new to be said to me. True, they haven’t said anything new for a long time, but I’m still waiting: you never know if I still come across a miracle doctor.
The last psychotherapist told me that there are only one or two people like me in a thousand people. That is, in varying degrees of severity, this is a relatively common phenomenon. But here everyone has a set of their own cockroaches.
I know a guy whose frustration is tied to a former girlfriend. And another one that randomly shouts out some phrases and twitches. So OCD is not just a fear of germs.
A good tip for people with my problems is to find a person who is authoritative for you and ask him if your reaction to things is normal. Because at some point you no longer understand what is real and what you have thought up for yourself. So, for example, I molested my former neighbor. Someone's bag touched me on the subway, and I immediately ask her what to do: wash things three or five times. And she generally says that everything is fine. It helps.
“Antidepressants don't make you happy and carefree”
But antidepressants are a strange thing. They don't make you happy and carefree as most people think. For example, being touched by an unpleasant person in OCD is comparable in feeling to being stabbed at a normal person. And under antidepressants, it feels like they continue to swing, but you are under some kind of dome. Scary, anxious, but easier. They simply deprive the state of shaking and hysteria.
Although, on the other hand, in order to learn to control, this state must be overcome on your own. When I have the strength and mood, I go outside on purpose, ride in transport, take a handrail for a minute - and I feel like a superhero.
LERA
Lucy's friend
“We had real fights for soap”
– I have known Lucy for a long time and I also know firsthand about her problems. To be honest, at first it was very difficult for me to perceive these features of her, I did not understand why everything was so. Once I just could not stand it - we stopped talking for about a year. Then, however, I myself offered to reconcile. And at one point we even began to live together.
At that time, I already knew Lusya very well, but everyday nuances still surfaced immediately. For example, if I get up at ten in the morning, and the shower is busy, then I understand that I can wallow until one.
We had real battles for soap: she bought it in packs, but one piece was enough for her literally for two visits to the bathroom - and she had to take mine. We had separate rooms, but she practically didn’t go into her friend: it was a kind of zone of perfect cleanliness, before entering which it was necessary to go through almost complete disinfection. Therefore, she only ran there for a second for things, and she herself lived in the kitchen for several months - she slept on stools.
I couldn’t understand this, but then I reconciled, there is no logic here: she was washing the whole closet because, in her opinion, a person who was not clean enough, in her opinion, passed on the other side of the street - but at the same time she could think and start chewing on the booklet that the courier brought along with the pizza.
Sometimes she has strange perceptions of space. Once we were walking down the street, Lucy was wearing a very loose jacket, and there were about three meters to the nearest wall - and she constantly asked if the jacket had touched the building. Although according to all the laws of physics, this is impossible. I'm used to the fact that sometimes she just can't believe her eyes.
In fact, while talking with Lucy, I developed certain reflexes. If I see that someone suddenly wants to touch her, then I immediately fly up and drag her away. Or in transport, for example, I fence off the crowd.
I understand that some people invent strange things for themselves, but this is not the case: a person will not bring himself to such a state voluntarily.
VOVA
partner Lucy
“Washing marathons, attempts to turn an apartment into an ISS”
– Relationships with my girlfriend are difficult at times, but mostly it's even interesting. I am a rather inquisitive person and always try to understand the logic of what is happening. Lucy's OCD is weird enough, but I understand the reason for her actions in most cases. I don’t remember the moments when she threw out something completely unexpected for me. And if this happens, it’s not a problem for me - it’s just a kind of reaction of her brain to what is happening, and I accept it.
Washing marathons, attempts to turn an apartment into an ISS - you get used to all this. In the apartment we have certain places that I call "anchors": it is better not to approach or touch them. For example, the rug at the door - for Lucy, it is a priori as dirty as possible. Everything would be fine, but if suddenly she incorrectly assesses the distance between you and the "anchor", then you will immediately become dirty too. And here without the disinfection procedure can not do.
My relatives are rather conservative, but adequate people. And my relationship is approached according to the principle “I chose it myself - figure it out yourself.