Obsessive love behavior

Symptoms, What It is, Causes, and More

What is obsessive love disorder?

“Obsessive love disorder” (OLD) refers to a condition where you become obsessed with one person you think you may be in love with. You might feel the need to protect your loved one obsessively, or even become controlling of them as if they were a possession.

While no separate medical or psychological classification exists for OLD, it can often accompany other types of mental health illnesses. Talk to your doctor if you think you or a loved one may have the disorder. Treatment can help decrease the symptoms while also preventing complications with relationships.

Symptoms of OLD may include:

an overwhelming attraction to one person
obsessive thoughts about the person

feeling the need to “protect” the person you’re in love with
possessive thoughts and actions
extreme jealousy over other interpersonal interactions
low self-esteem

People who have OLD may also not take rejection easily. In some cases, the symptoms could worsen at the end of a relationship or if the other person rejects you. There are other signs of this disorder, such as:

repeated texts, emails, and phone calls to the person they’re interested in
a constant need for reassurance
difficulty having friendships or maintaining contact with family members because of the obsession over one person
monitoring the actions of the other person
controlling where the other person goes and the activities they engage in

There’s no one single cause of OLD. Instead, it may be linked to other types of mental health disabilities such as:

Attachment disorders

This group of disorders refers to people who have emotional attachment issues, such as a lack of empathy or an obsession with another person.

Types of attachment disorders include disinhibited social engagement disorder (DSED) and reactive attachment disorder (RAD), and they both develop during childhood from negative experiences with parents or other adult caregivers.

In DSED, you might be overly friendly and not take precautions around strangers. With RAD, you may feel stressed and have problems getting along with others.

Borderline personality disorder

This mental health disorder is characterized by a disturbance with self-image coupled with severe mood swings. Borderline personality disorder can cause you to be extremely angry to extremely happy within a matter of minutes or hours.

Anxious and depressive episodes also occur. When considering obsessive love disorder, personality disorders can cause switches between extreme love for a person to extreme disdain.

Delusional jealousy

Based on delusions (events or facts you believe to be true), this disorder is exhibited by an insistence on things that are already proven false. When it comes to obsessive love, delusional jealousy can cause you to believe the other person has reciprocated their feelings for you, even if they’ve made it clear this is indeed not true.

According to a 2005 study, delusional jealousy may be linked to alcoholism in men.

Erotomania

This disorder is an intersection between delusional and obsessive love disorders. With erotomania, you believe that someone famous or of a higher social status is in love with you. This can lead to harassment of the other person, such as showing up at their home or workplace.

According to Comprehensive Psychiatry, people with erotomania are often isolated with few friends, and they may even be unemployed.

Obsessive-compulsive disorder (OCD)

Obsessive-compulsive disorder (OCD) is a combination of obsessive thoughts and compulsive rituals. These are severe enough to interfere with your everyday life. OCD can also cause you to need constant reassurance, which can affect your relationships.

Some people are said to have relationship OCD, where obsessions and compulsions are centered around the relationship. However, this isn’t an officially recognized subtype of OCD.

Obsessional jealousy

Unlike delusional jealousy, obsessional jealousy is a nondelusional preoccupation with a partner’s perceived infidelity. This preoccupation can lead to repetitive and compulsive behaviors in response to infidelity concerns. These behaviors resemble OCD more so than delusional jealousy. This can cause significant distress or impair everyday functioning.

OLD is diagnosed with a thorough evaluation from a psychiatrist or other mental health professional. First, they will interview you by asking you questions about your symptoms, as well as your relationships. They’ll also ask you about your family and whether any known mental health illnesses exist.

A medical diagnosis from your primary doctor may also be needed to rule out other causes. Since obsessive love disorder intersects with other forms of mental health disabilities, it’s not classified on the American Psychological Association’s Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders (DSM).

For unknown reasons, OLD affects more women than men.

The precise treatment plan for this disorder depends on the underlying cause. However, it often involves a combination of medication and psychotherapy.

Medications can be used to adjust brain chemicals. In turn, this can reduce the symptoms of the disorder. Your doctor may recommend one of the following:

anti-anxiety medications, such as Valium and Xanax
antidepressants, such as Prozac, Paxil, or Zoloft
antipsychotics
mood stabilizers

It can take several weeks for your medication to work. You may also need to try different types until you find the one that works best for you. Talk to your doctor about possible side effects, such as:

appetite changes
dry mouth
fatigue
headaches
insomnia
loss of libido
nausea
weight gain
worsening symptoms

Therapy is also helpful for all forms of OLD. Sometimes it’s helpful for families to be involved with therapy sessions, especially if obsessive love disorder stems from issues during childhood. Depending on the severity of the disorder and your personal preferences, you might engage in individual or group therapy. Sometimes a mental health professional will recommend both types.

Therapy options include:

cognitive behavioral therapy
dialectical behavioral therapy
play therapy (for children)
talk therapy

While OLD is gaining more attention, it’s relatively rare. It’s estimated that less than 0.1 percent of people have the disorder.

If you or a loved one has possible symptoms of obsessive love disorder, you should see a doctor. They may refer you to a psychiatrist to help determine whether you truly have OLD. You may also have another mental health illness.

When diagnosed and treated, OLD may have a positive outcome. The key, however, is to not quit therapy or treatment if you think you’re feeling better. Suddenly stopping your treatment can worsen symptoms, or make them return.

Obsessive love disorder: Symptoms and treatment

Love can be a euphoric feeling, but many people have felt the pain of a broken heart and the intensity of infatuation. Obsessive love takes these emotions further, causing a person to fixate on their loved one as though they are an object or possession.

Health professionals do not widely recognize obsessive love, or “obsessive love disorder,” as a mental health condition.

Indeed, it is not currently listed in the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders, 5th edition (DSM-5). However, obsessive love can be a sign of other mental health challenges and conditions.

If the person experiencing feelings of obsessive love does not receive treatment for the overall symptoms, they may have difficulty regulating these feelings. In very extreme cases, this may even trigger a person to commit acts of violence or abuse.

This article discusses obsessive love, the causes and symptoms behind it, and some possible treatment options.

A note about sex and gender

Sex and gender exist on spectrums. This article will use the terms, “male,” “female,” or both to refer to sex assigned at birth. Click here to learn more.

Forming a definition of “real” love has eluded scholars for centuries. Likewise, there is no single list of criteria that can distinguish obsessive love from real love.

The American Psychological Association (APA) defines love as:

a complex emotion that involves strong feelings of tenderness or affection toward the other person
experiencing pleasurable sensations in the presence of the other person
devotion to the other person’s well-being

Love can take many forms, including the love of family members or friends, concern for other humans, erotic love, and self-love.

Some experts suggest that romantic relationships have three essential components, called the triangular theory of love:

passion
intimacy
commitment

A 2020 article noted that the element of passion may include behaviors such as:

focused attention
intrusive thinking
obsessive following
possessiveness

In some cases, these thoughts or behaviors may tip into obsessive love.

Love can also cause physical changes in the body and may involve:

hormones such as oxytocin, vasopressin, cortisol, and testosterone
neurotransmitters such as dopamine and serotonin
nerve growth factor

For some people, these feelings may be so powerful that they become obsessed with keeping and controlling the person they love. They may appear to worship their partner at times, but become angry or jealous at the slightest threat.

The authors of the article suggested that the four components of love are:

attraction
resonance or connection
trust
respect

Some of these factors may be missing in obsessive love. For example, people with extreme jealousy may not trust their partner which may lead to them trying to control their partner or constantly monitoring their behavior.

Obsessive love may focus on ownership of a partner, rather than seeing them as an equal. Rather than loving the person and wanting the best for them, people with obsessive tendencies may love the other person because of their own needs.

Relationship obsessive compulsive disorder (ROCD) includes obsessions over a close or intimate relationship or partner and may include an obsessive focus on how a partner is unreliable or untrustworthy. Obsessive distrust in a relationship may link to depression, anxiety, and violence in a relationship.

Obsessive love may sometimes involve a relationship that does not actually exist, such as with a celebrity or a stranger.

Erotomania is a psychiatric disorder in which a person has a delusional belief that a person of higher social status than them is in love with them. With erotomania, the focus is on receiving love, rather than giving love.

To help support your mental well-being and that of your loved ones during this difficult time, visit our dedicated mental health hub to discover more research-backed information.

There are many factors that may cause obsessive love, which can include delusional disorders and mental health issues.

Erotomania

Erotomania, or de Clérambault’s syndrome, is a psychiatric condition in which a person has a delusional belief that another person loves them, usually someone of a higher status.

There are primary and secondary forms of erotomania. In primary erotomania, no other health condition causes erotomania and erotic delusion is the only symptom.

Secondary erotomania may be linked to other psychiatric conditions, such as schizophrenia or major depressive disorder. Erotomania may also be linked to head trauma, pregnancy, alcohol abuse, or certain medications such as amphetamines.

One 2017 case study suggested that social media may worsen erotomania. This is because it allows people with obsessive tendencies to observe others from a distance and to feel closer to them than they might otherwise feel.

Borderline personality disorder

People with borderline personality disorder (BPD) may intensely fear abandonment and have difficulty controlling emotions. They may quickly enter into relationships, or have intense relationships with others.

People with BPD may act impulsively, with intense mood swings. The condition may have a negative impact on a person’s relationships. People may feel an extreme closeness to another person, which may then suddenly change to dislike.

People with BPD may not have a consistent self-image or sense of self. This may worsen obsessive tendencies, since they may find it difficult to see themselves as real or worthy individually, separate from their relationships.

However, each person with BPD experiences different symptoms and at different levels of severity.

Attachment disorders

A person’s ability to form healthy attachments with others begins early in childhood. People whose parents or caregivers were unstable or abusive may develop abnormal patterns of attachment. This may cause them to become obsessive, controlling, or fearful in their relationships.

The attachment styles people develop as a child can influence how they behave in future relationships as an adult.

If people had a stable and responsive caregiver as a child, they develop a secure attachment style. This means a person is likely to be independent, manage their emotional experiences, and value close relationships.

If a child has an unstable caregiver, they may develop an insecure attachment style. This can make a person anxious, avoidant, or fearful in a relationship. People with insecure attachment styles may express emotions in a heightened way with an increased dependency on others.

Learn more about codependent relationships here.

Trauma and fears of abandonment

Trauma or experiences in childhood that lead to an insecure attachment style may lead to fear of abandonment. People with a fear of abandonment may develop obsessive tendencies.

People may be fearful to be alone and they may make threats or take impulsive actions in order to prevent a partner from leaving.

Other mental health conditions

A wide range of mental health conditions can distort or alter a person’s perspective, making them more fearful, obsessive, or depressed. This may increase their risk of becoming obsessed with their relationship.

People with dependent personality disorder may be clingy toward a partner, need constant reassurance from others, and feel helpless if they are alone.

Learn more about the different types of personality disorder here.

Social and cultural norms

Some social and cultural norms demand more of one partner than the other. This could mean that some parents and caregivers expose their children to these unhealthy relationship styles during their upbringing.

For example, being exposed to various relationship “norms” during childhood might cause some people to grow up believing that love means ownership, or that their partner must do everything they want to prove their love.

These thinking patterns are one hallmark of harmful masculinity or toxic masculinity. People with this trait may believe that it is acceptable for males to treat their partners in a way that is physically or emotionally damaging.

Those who display signs of toxic masculinity may also be controlling, demand more of their partners than they are willing to give, or abuse partners who break their “rules.”

If you or someone you know is in immediate danger of domestic violence, call 911 or otherwise seek emergency help. Anyone who needs advice or support can contact the National Domestic Violence Hotline 24/7 via:

phone, at 800-799-7233
live chat, at thehotline.org
text, by texting LOVEIS to 22522

Many other resources are available, including helplines, in-person support, and temporary housing. People can find local resources and others classified by demographics, such as support specifically for People of Color, here:

The Office on Women’s Health
The National Coalition Against Domestic Violence

The symptoms of obsessive love vary depending on the reason for the obsession. For instance, a person with a delusional disorder may experience altered reality or demonstrate unusual behavior, while a person with depression may have low self-esteem or experience suicidal thoughts.

In general, some signs that love is obsessive may include:

an intense preoccupation with the relationship that is disproportionate to how long people have known each other
immediately falling “in love” with new partners, or even with strangers
extreme attempts to control the other person
threatening the other person if they attempt to leave
refusing to listen to the other person’s feelings or accept any boundaries they attempt to create
demanding specific unreasonable behaviors from the other person

Other symptoms may include different types of jealous behavior.

Obsessional jealousy

People with obsessional jealousy have excessive jealous thoughts alongside compulsive behaviors. People with obsessional jealousy may recognize their thoughts are irrational. Symptoms of obsessional jealousy are more extreme than the normal emotion of jealousy, and include:

intrusive and excessive jealous thoughts, which may be difficult to stop thinking about
limiting a partner’s freedom
checking on a partner’s behavior

Delusional jealousy

According to a 2018 article, delusional jealousy occurs when a person has absolute certainty that a partner is being sexually unfaithful to them, but having no evidence for this belief. Delusional jealousy is a type of psychotic disorder, which people may also refer to as Othello syndrome.

Symptoms of delusional jealousy include:

false but certain belief that a partner is being unfaithful
persistent delusions about a partner’s infidelity
preoccupation with a partner’s infidelity
paranoid and irrational thoughts and emotions
unacceptable or extreme behavior

A mental health professional may decide that a person’s relationship is obsessive based on the symptoms they exhibit and whether or not they negatively affect the person’s life. There are no specific diagnostic criteria for obsessive love.

Obsessive love can be a sign of another mental health condition, so a healthcare professional may ask questions about a person’s mental health history. They may also recommend psychological or medical testing to rule out other causes, especially if the person demonstrates delusional behavior.

If a healthcare professional suspects a condition such as ROCD, they may use the obsessive distrust inventory (ODIS), which is a scale assessing how the person perceives their partner.

Treatment for obsessive love focuses on identifying the cause of the obsessive thoughts and feelings, then treating that cause. A person with a personality disorder may need psychotherapy and medications to manage any symptoms, such as anxiety or mood swings.

A treatment plan may involve learning more about the condition, learning healthy coping strategies to process emotions, and maintaining a healthy lifestyle.

Therapy may help people to manage obsessive feelings and develop healthier relationships. A therapist may help with processing trauma, managing underlying conditions, and establishing healthier relationship norms.

In the early stages of treatment, individual therapy is best, especially if the relationship is abusive. If each person in the relationship is able to establish better boundaries individually, couples counseling may then help them work together and move past the obsessive love.

There is no clear treatment plan or timeline for recovering from obsessive love. It is an individual experience that depends on many factors, from the level of obsessive love to the underlying condition that could be causing it.

If people with obsessive love are aware of their behavior, seeing a doctor is important in finding out the underlying cause and starting a treatment plan.

A person with obsessive love may not see their behavior as problematic. They might instead view the object of their affection as insufficiently loving or loyal, believing the other person to be the problem. This can mean that a person may find it difficult to seek treatment.

People who struggle to let go of relationships or who feel very insecure in a relationship may wish to consider the possibility that their love is obsessive and try to seek treatment.

If people are on the receiving end of obsessive love, they can contact a healthcare professional for advice. People can also contact the National Domestic Violence Hotline for help or call 911 if they are in immediate danger.

Obsessive love may be a sign of a serious mental health condition, and without treatment, it may be destructive to friendships and relationships. It could also lead to other serious mental health concerns for anyone involved. In severe cases, obsessive love may lead to legal difficulties or violence.

It is possible to treat the mental health conditions and other causes that can lead to obsessive love, especially with adequate support. However, this is only possible if the person with feelings of obsessive love feels able to seek help and support.

If a person is on the receiving end of obsessive love, they can contact a healthcare professional, support group, or hotline for help.

symptoms, what it is, causes and more

contents

Obsessive Love Disorder (OLD) refers to a condition in which you become obsessed with one person you think you are in love with. You may feel the need to obsessively protect your loved ones or even be controlled by them as if they were their own.

Although there is no separate medical or psychological classification for OLD, it can often accompany other types of mental illness. Talk to your doctor if you think you or a loved one has the disorder. Treatment can help reduce symptoms, preventing relationship complications. nine0003

What are the symptoms of obsessive love disorder?

Symptoms of old age may include:

overwhelming attraction to one person
obsessive thoughts about the person
you feel the need to "protect" the person you love
possessive thoughts and actions
extreme jealousy due to other interpersonal interactions
low self-esteem

People who have OLD also cannot easily refuse rejection. In some cases, symptoms may worsen at the end of a relationship or if the other person rejects you. There are other signs of this disorder, such as:

repeated texts, emails and phone calls to the person of interest
constant need for persuasion
difficulty in making friends or keeping in touch with family members due to obsession with one person
observing another person's actions
controlling where the other person is walking and what is he doing

What causes a person to develop obsessive love disorder?

There is not a single problem. Instead, it may be associated with other types of mental health, such as:

Attachment disorders

This group of disorders refers to people who have problems with emotional connection, such as lack of empathy or obsession with another person.

Types of attachment disorders include Disinfected Social Activity Disorder (DSED) and Reactive Attachment Disorder (RAD), both of which develop in childhood due to negative experiences with parents or other caring adults.

In DSED, you can be overly friendly and not take precautions with strangers. With RAD, you may feel stressed and have trouble establishing others. nine0003

Borderline Personality Disorder

This psychiatric disorder is characterized by a loss of self-esteem along with severe mood swings. Borderline personality disorder can lead to extreme anger and extreme happiness within minutes or hours.

Anxiety and depressive states occur. When considering obsessive-compulsive disorder, personality disorders can cause a transition from extreme love for a person to complete contempt. nine0003

Delusional jealousy

Based on misconceptions (events or facts that you believe to be true), this disorder manifests itself in insisting on things that have already been proven to be false. When it comes to obsessive love, deceitful jealousy can lead you to believe that the other person has reciprocated their feelings for you, even if they have made it clear to you that this is not actually true.

Prema 2005 study, obscene jealousy may be associated with alcoholism in men. nine0003

erotomania

This disorder is an intersection of deceitful and obsessive love disorders. With erotomania, you believe that someone famous or with a higher social status is in love with you. This can lead to stalking the other person, such as showing up at their home or workplace.

Prema Complex psychiatry, people with erotomania are often isolated, have few friends and may be unemployed.

Obsessive Compulsive Disorder (OCD)

Obsessive-compulsive disorder (OCD) is a combination of obsessive thoughts and compulsive rituals. They are serious enough to interfere with your daily life. CSOs can also make you need constant reassurance, which can affect your relationship.

Some are said to have CSO relationships where the obsessions and compulsions are focused on the relationship. However, it is not an officially recognized subspecies of CSOs.

obsessive jealousy

In contrast to obscene jealousy, obsessive jealousy is an unbridled preoccupation with a perverted perception of a partner. This preoccupation can lead to repetitive and compulsive actions in response to concerns about infidelity. This behavior is more reminiscent of CSOs than the delusions of jealousy. This can cause serious problems or impair daily performance.

How is obsessive love disorder diagnosed?

STAR is diagnosed after a thorough evaluation by a psychiatrist or other mental health professional. They will first interview you, asking you questions about your symptoms as well as your relationship. They will also ask you about your family and any known mental disorders. nine0003

A medical diagnosis from your doctor will also be needed to rule out other causes. Because obsessive-compulsive disorder affects other forms of mental health, it is not classified in the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders (DSM) of the American Psychological Association.

For unknown reasons, OLD affect more women than men.

How to treat obsessive love disorder? nine0009

The exact treatment plan for this disorder depends on the cause. However, this often involves a combination of medication and psychotherapy.

Medications can be used to adapt brain chemicals. In turn, this can reduce the symptoms of the disorder. Your doctor may recommend one of the following:

anti-anxiety drugs such as Valium and Xanax
antidepressants such as Prozac, Paxil or Zoloft
antipsychotics
mood stabilizers

It may take several weeks for the medicine to work. You may also need to try different types until you find the one that works best for you. Talk to your doctor about possible side effects, such as:

changes in appetite
dry mouth
humor
headaches
insomnia
loss of libido
nausea0013 weight gain
worsening of symptoms

The therapy is also useful for all forms of the elderly. It is sometimes helpful to involve families in therapy sessions, especially if OCD began in childhood. Depending on the severity of the disorder and your personal preference, you may be able to participate in individual or group therapy. Sometimes a mental health professional will recommend both types.

Therapy options include:

cognitive behavioral therapy
dialectical behavior therapy
toy therapy (for children)
talk therapy

What is the outlook for a person with OCD?

Although STAR gets more attention, it is relatively rare. It is estimated that less than 0.1 place a person has the disorder.

If you or a loved one has possible symptoms of obsessive-compulsive disorder, you should see a doctor. You can refer you to a psychiatrist to determine if you are really OLD. You may have another mental illness. nine0003

When diagnosed and treated, STAR may be positive. However, it is imperative that you do not stop therapy or treatment if you think you are feeling better. Sudden discontinuation of treatment may worsen symptoms or cause them to return.

symptoms, what it is, causes and more

contents

"Obsessive Love Disorder" (OLD) refers to a condition in which you become obsessed with one person you think you are in love with. You may feel the need to obsessively protect your loved ones or even be controlled by them as if they were their own. nine0003

What are the symptoms of obsessive love disorder?

Symptoms of old age may include:

irresistible attraction to one person
obsessive thoughts about the person
you feel the need to "protect" the person you love
possessive thoughts and actions
extreme jealousy over other interpersonal interactions
low self-esteem

People who also have OLD can easily opt out. In some cases, symptoms may worsen at the end of a relationship or if the other person rejects you. There are other signs of this disorder, such as:

repeated texts, emails and phone calls to the person of interest
constant need for persuasion
difficulty in making friends or keeping in touch with family members due to obsession with one person
observing another person's actions
controlling where the other person is walking and what is he doing

What causes a person to develop obsessive love disorder?

There is not a single problem. Instead, it may be associated with other types of mental health, such as:

Attachment disorders

This group of disorders refers to people who have problems with emotional connection, such as lack of empathy or obsession with another person.

In DSED, you can be overly friendly and not take precautions with strangers. With RAD, you may feel stressed and have trouble establishing others. nine0003

Borderline Personality Disorder

Anxiety and depressive states occur. When considering obsessive-compulsive disorder, personality disorders can cause a transition from extreme love for a person to complete contempt. nine0003

Delusional jealousy

Prema 2005 study, obscene jealousy may be associated with alcoholism in men. nine0003

erotomania

Prema Complex psychiatry, people with erotomania are often isolated, have few friends and may be unemployed.

Obsessive Compulsive Disorder (OCD)

Some are said to have CSO relationships where the obsessions and compulsions are focused on the relationship. However, it is not an officially recognized subspecies of CSOs.

obsessive jealousy

How is obsessive love disorder diagnosed?

For unknown reasons, OLD affect more women than men.

How to treat obsessive love disorder? nine0009

The exact treatment plan for this disorder depends on the cause. However, this often involves a combination of medication and psychotherapy.

Medications can be used to adapt brain chemicals. In turn, this can reduce the symptoms of the disorder. Your doctor may recommend one of the following:

anti-anxiety drugs such as Valium and Xanax
antidepressants such as Prozac, Paxil or Zoloft
antipsychotics
mood stabilizers

It may take several weeks for the medicine to work. You may also need to try different types until you find the one that works best for you. Talk to your doctor about possible side effects, such as:

changes in appetite
dry mouth
humor
headaches
insomnia
loss of libido
nausea0013 weight gain
worsening of symptoms

The therapy is also useful for all forms of the elderly. It is sometimes helpful to involve families in therapy sessions, especially if OCD began in childhood.

Learn more