Obsession with control

5 Signs That You Are Dealing With a Control Freak

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The term "control freak" is obviously not a clinical one, but it has meaning nonetheless because the term so clearly defines a problem: Men and women who have a high need for control can often be too extreme, giving rise to the notion that these individuals are abnormal or "freakish."

What kind of disorder might this type of person have? Control seekers are often obsessive-compulsive, angry (either overt or passive-aggressive), phobic, or even mood-disordered. These people need control because, without it, they fear things would spiral out of control and their lives would fall apart.

How can you spot a high-control person? You can spot these types in every walk of life, in settings from home to work to social gatherings. Do high-control people think of themselves as control freaks? Because these individuals need a high level of control, they also need to control their image, so while they will usually acknowledge that they need a lot of control in situations, they will reject the "freak" part of the label—the association that there is something wrong with them or that they need too much control. In fact, many high-control men and women will often justify their need for control in the following ways: "I have to be this way to do as much as I do," "People need people like me because so many people are actually incompetent," and "Things would fall apart without me."

Needing a high level of control in situations is often not psychologically healthy because so much in life is beyond our control. If you need total control even though you and everyone else knows that it is impossible to achieve, then you are going to have more anxiety because of the bar you set for yourself. Consider the signs below and you may find yourself in some of the examples.

Correcting people when they're wrong. People with a high need for control often feel the need to correct others when they're wrong. They correct someone due to an irrational argument; they correct spelling or pronunciation; they correct details of what happened in the past; they correct bad manners; they correct people when they do something wrong or inappropriate. It's important to understand, though, that underneath the motivation to correct others is the belief that they are usually—or always—right.
Always trying to win the argument or have the last word. High-control men and women are difficult to have relationships with because they like to set the rules—and subsequently enforce them. They act superior to others and are determined to show everyone that they are the most practical, logical, and intelligent person in any crowd.
Refusal to admit when they're wrong. Hands down, one of the traits that most annoys friends, romantic partners, and colleagues is the refusal on the part of high-control men and women to admit when they are wrong. It could be the smallest, simplest issue, but high-control people don't care—they just want to make sure they don't admit they were wrong. Their thinking is distorted to the point that they believe others may use their admission against them or will perceive them as incompetent or foolish because of one simple error. As a rule, these individuals present all-or-nothing, black-or-white thinking; dealing with anything in between is uncomfortable for them.
Judging or criticizing others. Some of the most judgmental individuals you will ever meet are men and women with a high need for control. They are highly principled, with opinions on everything from how people should hold their forks to how people should live their entire lives. These men and women have an answer for everything, and they come across as sanctimonious or hypocritical to those who know them well.
Driving with rage. People with a high need for control often get very frustrated while driving. They believe they are the only ones who know how to drive correctly. They often put other drivers down, make nasty faces at them, or even curse or issue profanities when someone on the road does something that bothers them. Yet the most common problem with high-control men and women on the road is their own impatience. They get annoyed because drivers go too slow or too fast. They treat pedestrians as interference getting in the way of accomplishing their goals. Again, in the minds of these individuals, it's all about them and they don't spend time trying to imagine what anyone else thinks or feels in the same situation.

The takeaway

High-control men and women, the people we call "control freaks," engage in a series of behaviors that frustrate others and cause resentment. These individuals operate the way they do because they believe that they need to in order to meet their needs and accomplish their goals.

If you see yourself in some of these high-control behaviors, take a step back and ask yourself whether you are exhausted from always trying to control everything. If you see someone you love in these behaviors, it's time to have a chat about what bothers you, so that your resentments don't get worse, jeopardizing the future of the relationship. If you point out to a high-control man or woman that you have a problem with them, give them a few concrete examples of what they do that bothers you—and give them time to work on changing.

How to Live or Work With a Control Freak – Cleveland Clinic

If you live with a control freak, you love them despite their constant need to make sure that everything goes their way.

If you work with one, you tolerate them because you like your job, you have bills to pay — and prison orange isn’t your color.

You can’t avoid all the control freaks of the world, so you have to find a way to peacefully coexist with them. It’s tough, but believe it or not, it can be done. Let’s start by understanding the psychology behind the behavior.

What makes a control freak tick?

Control freaks tend to have a psychological need to be in charge of things and people around them. This often includes circumstances that cannot be changed or even controlled. The need for control can stem from deeper psychological issues such as obsessive-compulsive disorder (OCD), anxiety disorders or personality disorders.

“People who try to dominate you can be exhausting and suffocating. They make you feel like you can’t breathe and you are trapped in their ways,” says psychologist Susan Albers, PsyD.

“Unfortunately, we all have control freaks of different degrees in our lives. Sometimes it is a boss or friend. It’s particularly difficult when it is a family member which creates a toxic and tricky world to navigate. You often can’t just cut them out — you have to learn how to skillfully navigate their nature,” Dr. Albers explains.

Control freaks are always aware of what they’re doing, right?

Not necessarily. It might seem like they have agendas to take over our lives and the world, but that’s not the case. Dr. Albers says fear is often a motivator in their desire to control. Anxiety is another reason for their behavior.

“People who have control issues experience a lot of anxiety. They try to control things to reduce their anxiety level. Finding other positive ways to reduce their anxiety can help divert or shut down their need to control others. ”

Changing your perspective can make them a little easier to deal with

The term “control freak” is a pretty charged one when you think about it. ” ‘Control freak’ can be a negative term that makes you automatically feel angry and indicates that people are abnormal,” says Dr. Albers. She recommends reframing the term by saying that people with control issues “like to take charge of things.” That can help take your negative association with these individuals down a notch.

Bullying is never the way to go

People with control issues may tap dance on your last nerve, but don’t take the low road when interacting with them.

“Remember that it is never okay to bully them. Sometimes control freaks genuinely don’t realize that their behavior is coming across that way. Labeling it as such can sometimes shine a different light on it for the controller,” says Dr. Albers. She also recommends not hurling insults at people who struggle with control issues.

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“With these individuals, it’s important to get to the root of what is driving the need for control. If it’s due to a psychological disorder, telling the person that they’re acting like a jerk isn’t going to fix the problem.”

How to stay calm when dealing with someone with control issues

In a work situation, you have a glimmer of hope because you don’t have to spend your days and nights with the source of your frustration. Living with someone who has control issues might be more of a challenge. Thankfully, Dr. Albers has some pointers for both scenarios.

How to handle a controlling coworker or boss

It’s in our nature to be polite or to try to keep the peace at work. We’re with our coworkers 40 or more hours a week. The last thing we want is a tense or tumultuous work environment. On the other hand, it’s not fair for you to be on edge every day because you have to interact with a controlling officemate.

There’s a fine balance to coexisting with a control freak in the workplace — and it doesn’t mean that you always have to be the sacrificial lamb.

Dr. Albers suggests taking this route.

“When someone with control issues tries to take over at work, calmly point out how it makes you feel in the moment at the exact moment when it’s happening. Don’t let it fester so you explode later. It helps to connect the feeling and the event clearly. For example, you could say something like, ‘Right now you are telling me how I should run the meeting tomorrow. I feel like you don’t trust me to do a good job.’ ”

If your coworker or boss is allergic to the word “no,” Dr. Albers suggests using “gentle nos.” This means, instead of telling the person “no” with a little bass and a lot of “get out of my face” behind it, try saying something along the lines of, “What I am going to do is…” or “Another way of doing this is…”

With a controlling person, Dr. Albers says that a firm “no” can escalate the situation. “The word “no” can be very triggering and fighting words for someone who has control issues.”

How to handle a loved one with control issues

To be clear, we’re not referring to a situation where someone is extremely controlling or abusive. If you are in a situation like that, please know there is help, and we encourage you to seek it for your safety and sanity.

In this case, we’re referring to someone who might be a little too particular or peculiar about the little things. They could be a partner, a friend or even a family member.

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When dealing with loved ones with control issues, Dr. Albers recommends picking your battles. Some things are worth holding your ground and doing them your way. She encourages you to know your limits and be very clear about them. Don’t ask the person for their opinion when you’re planning something or even doing the simplest tasks.

“Don’t invite opinions. Instead of saying, ‘What do you think about…’ say, ‘I am doing this,’ ” adds Dr. Albers.

If you spend a lot of time with a person who has control issues, shave that time down a little to make things less stressful. And when you talk to them, only give high-level details about what’s going on in your personal or professional life. This way, they won’t have the opportunity to critique your decisions.

Don’t sweat the small stuff

Some things aren’t worth the time or energy. When it comes to minor tasks or things that really aren’t relevant, don’t argue. “Sometimes it is just easier to allow people with control issues to do things their way. For instance, if it doesn’t truly matter where you eat lunch or dinner, let them decide,” says Dr. Albers. “But giving them complete control across the board is not good for you or your relationship. This will only cause resentment and anger.”

You can make things more manageable by giving your coworker or loved one positive and constructive ways to challenge their controlling nature. Give them tasks that you aren’t enthusiastic about. This doesn’t mean punishing them with horrible projects. You can assign them mundane tasks that they really enjoy doing. And once they complete those projects, thank them for “taking charge.” (Wink, wink.)

Surround yourself with supportive people

It can be overwhelming when you have to deal with a control freak on a daily basis. That’s why you need a supportive network of people who will back you up and allow you to vent.

“Be sure to talk to others. A controlling person knows how to make you feel guilty, or feel like you are doing something wrong or unwise if you don’t follow their advice. That’s why it’s always good to check in with a neutral party or another family member to reinforce that your opinion matters and is valid,” says Dr. Albers.

The founder's obsession with control and narcissism killed one of Asia's most promising startups - the story of Zilingo All because of the “recklessness” of the founder, her management built on fear and fraud in finances. Abstract of the Bloomberg investigation.

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Zilingo co-founder Ankity Bowes. Source: Bloomberg

In the spring of 2022, the board of directors of the Singapore b2b platform Zilingo removed its CEO and co-founder Ankity Bose from his post. She was accused of mismanagement and misrepresentation of financial reports.

Since then, some creditors and more than 100 employees have left the company, and the board of directors is now discussing a possible liquidation. Despite the fact that the Sequoia Capital fund was among the regular investors of the startup, and the project itself was estimated at $1.2 billion back in February 2022.

At first, the collapse of Zilingo shocked the players in the Asian market, but later it became clear that it was inevitable. Why, according to Bloomberg, interviewing over 60 former and current employees, users, investors and independent entrepreneurs.

Everything for Masayoshi Son: how Bose ran the

company

Bowes got the idea for Zilingo while wandering around a market in Bangkok, looking at 15,000 stalls selling goods from all over Thailand. Together with comrade Dhruv Kapoor, she built a b2c platform where any Southeast Asian could buy all this, not just a Bangkok citizen or a tourist. nine0003

Shailendra Singh, a former colleague of Bowes at Sequoia Capital's Indian arm, helped raise the first money. The fund had a “high opinion” of the then 23-year-old Bowes, so Zilingo was able to raise about $28 million from him and others from 2015 to 2017. Difficulties, however, were not long in coming, writes Bloomberg. The b2c service, no matter how attractive the design seemed, had a low margin. And the average income level in Southeast Asia was also low. So in late 2017, the co-founders turned Zilingo into a b2b platform for small manufacturers to sell products directly to retailers and wholesalers. nine0003

Bowes and Dhruv Kapoor. Source: Zilingo

In 2018, Zilingo raised another $54 million from investors and decided to spend $1 million to collaborate with influencers. Nine bloggers traveled to Morocco for three days — riding camels and hot air balloons, going to yoga and "luxury dinners". That's just brought little sense.

With this campaign, Zilingo hoped to attract 1 million new users - that is, one for every dollar spent - and only 10 thousand people came. nine0003
Bowes declined to comment on the experiment and said only that the spending fit into the firm's annual marketing budget of $10 million.

The failure did not stop the entrepreneur, so she continued to spend money on "dubious initiatives" in the hope of aggressive business growth. As a result, Zilingo decided to:

Give a 2-4% discount on transactions. In fact, she paid sellers for trading in the service for this very trade and deprived herself of an influx of commission payments. nine0038
Provide loans to vendors in need of capital. The latter liked the idea, so Bowes called for doing it monthly and increasing the amount of payments. Much of the debt was later written off as merchants found themselves in distress due to the pandemic.

Investors were not embarrassed by all this. In early 2019, Zilingo raised another $226 million, raising its valuation to $970 million. And Bose herself was famous in the tech market as a “charismatic leader” ready to “shake up the market. ” nine0003

In July 2019, the company appointed its first Chief Financial Officer, former Citigroup Asia Pacific Head James Perry. Bowes believed that he would complement her "young and crazy" nature well, and also instill more confidence in investors. In particular, Masayoshi Sona is the director of the SoftBank investment group, which poured money into startups without a business plan and profit.

That's why employees say Bose was so desperate to show aggressive growth. The entrepreneur met with Son twice, but did not see that potential - neither in her, nor in the project. nine0003

The Kiss of Death: Why SoftBank's stock portfolio looks like a graveyard and its founder is no longer seen as a visionary Editorial articles

CEO Masayoshi Son invested hundreds of millions in startups with no business plan and no profit. I just believed in charismatic founders - or in a miracle. Colleagues admired his intuition, until the projects began to publicly fail, and SoftBank itself suffered billions in losses.

SoftBank founder Masayoshi Son. Source: Japan Times

Zilingo did not despair and in October 2019 allocated $100 million to enter the US by opening offices in New York and Los Angeles. Bowes hoped to capitalize on the US trade war with China. Then-U.S. President Donald Trump raised tariffs on a number of Chinese goods, and manufacturers from other countries could be found on Zilingo. The idea, however, did not work, and in less than a year the company closed the American business.

At the end of 2019, some of the directors, led by Singh, repeatedly asked Bowes to spend less, but they did not know about the exact waste. It was only later that they discovered that the company was spending $7-8 million a month. Because of this, the $226 million raised “evaporated” in less than two years. nine0003

In 2020, the pandemic made everything worse. Bose appeared to have found a way to keep the business afloat, signing a $22 million deal with the Indian government in April to supply 10 million masks. But six months later, she was sued for failing to deliver 3.2 million personal protective equipment on time. . The court has not made a final decision so far.

In September of the same year, CFO James Perry left the company, and by November, Zilingo barely had enough money for the coming month. nine0003

Source: Bloomberg

"It's always my fault": what Bowes expected in the end

In January 2021, Bowes met with Singh. He said that the founder of the Mensa Brands investment company, Anant Narayanan, is looking at new projects for himself, and suggested that the entrepreneur transfer the management of Zilingo to him.

Shocked, Bowes refused, and then wrote to Singh that the resignation would undermine her reputation - everyone would think that she could not save the company. He told Bowes not to take the idea into his head and advised him to focus on indicators, as well as finding a new financial director and investments. nine0003

After that, Bose got into an argument with co-founder and CTO Kapoor. She admitted that the company was unlikely to "reach its goals" and complained of corporate injustice.

“When something goes wrong, it's always my fault, but when something good happens, everyone is right there to take credit for themselves. I don’t like that I’m tearing my ass here, and they criticize me for it, ”she wrote.

On Singh's advice, Bowes started looking for money. In July 2021, she took out a $40 million mezzanine loan from Indies Capital Partners and Varde Partners, but she could not raise more - neither from private investors nor from venture capital funds. nine0003

Potential depositors have heard that Indonesian merchants are faking transactions to "tip the service on discounts". At the same time, it was Indonesia that accounted for most of the company's total turnover in 2021. There was no evidence that Zilingo was aware, but no one wanted to take risks.

Shailendra Singh. Source: Tech in Asia

In March 2021, Bowes received an anonymous “Wait for the storm” message, and a few days later, an invitation to meet with investors. There, Singh, along with two other shareholders, said that they had received complaints of negligence and misrepresentation of financial statements and therefore suspended her while the independent commission investigated. nine0003

A week later, the board members learned that Bowes had been receiving 50,000 Singapore dollars every month since 2019, or $36,300 at the rate of August 5, 2022. Despite the fact that in the contract her salary is 8500 Singapore dollars. The co-founder said that the calculations are inaccurate, but she still did not name the real numbers.

The Board also noted the differing revenue figures for the most recent financial year that the company shared with third parties. It's $190 million, $164 million and $140 million. Bowes explained:

$190 million was in circulation before the mask mess.

$140 million were reported to attract investment.

Bloomberg News, meanwhile, uncovered another document for investors, in which the company's revenue was only $40 million. Bose admitted to him that Zilingo used "aggressive methods" for calculations. However, this, according to her, is standard practice - and all investors knew about it. nine0003

The now former CEO called the situation an "unfair witch hunt" and disagreed with the allegations. She said that the company, at the request of shareholders, cut costs by 70% from the end of 2019 to the end of 2021, although it was not easy.

And later filed a counter-complaint with the board and asked for the removal of Kapoor and then-COO Aadi Vaidya "for poor performance and poor leadership." The latter resigned himself - at the end of July: he wanted to "move on and reconsider priorities. " nine0003

Now the board of directors is discussing the liquidation of the business, although back in February, after another investment, the startup was valued at $1.2 billion.

Obsessed with control: how Bose led the

team

Despite the positive impression that Bowes made on investors and colleagues at first, she kept employees at bay. She told one that if they crossed her path, they would not get a second chance in the startup industry - her connections were so strong. She publicly shamed others and stated that it would be better if she did everything herself. nine0003

One day, Bowes also called one of the employees in the early hours of a Sunday, ten times without getting a response. After that, she said that the employee ignoring her, apparently, "does not care enough about the affairs of the company."

She is a narcissist, ready to throw anyone under the bus for the sake of saving her own skin.

former employee of Zilingo

Before being fired, Bowes was already asked about leadership style in a discussion panel. According to sources, she was silent for a long time, then defiantly stared at the sunset, and only then answered: “I founded the company at 23 years old. At first, I wanted to be in control. And, of course, I made mistakes. But when eminent specialists came to the leadership, I, it seems to me, lost that manic craving for control. nine0003

She also denied the allegations in an interview with Bloomberg in July 2022. But nevertheless she admitted that in the future she would try to behave more restrained and be more sensitive to colleagues and communication in general. “Managing people, relationships, communication – that’s what is of paramount importance. Now I understand it,” she said.

Bowes' May interview for The Straits Times. In it, she admits that she still does not fully understand why she was suspended

Zilingo is not the only startup in Sequoia Capital's portfolio that has ended up mired in controversy and investigation. The co-founder of fintech startup BharatPe, for example, was accused of misappropriating corporate funds. And the Trell video service was suspected of misrepresenting financial reports.

The Zilingo story is just another reminder for the tech community of the importance of appointing good managers and remembering to include independent members on the board of directors, not just founders and investors. nine0003

In this case, the company can at least hope that "in a bad turn of events, the brakes will work automatically," says Dmitry Levit, founder of the venture capital fund Cento Ventures. Especially if the project puts on aggressive growth.

Obsession: what is stalking and how to deal with it

Love and sex

Even if you are not a millionaire blogger or a pop star, you can easily become a victim of persecution. Social networks have made our lives too open. Here you are sitting in a restaurant, which you inform your subscribers about, and suddenly an annoying admirer comes there “quite by accident”. Coincidence? We don't think...

So, let's figure out what can be considered a manifestation of attention or romantic courtship, and what should scare you? Your ex won't leave you alone even though you made it clear to him that it's over. At the same time, he not only calls and writes, but for some reason always ends up exactly where you are: at the same concert, in the same bar, at the same premiere. A stranger who recognized your place of work on social networks, without warning, arrived at the office with flowers and is waiting for you at the exit. Or the new fan you didn't call after the first date keeps texting and trying to meet up and even hooking up your girlfriends and following your mom. In social networks, an unknown (or famous) fan or fan writes strange messages to you, besides, reacting to all your photos and comments on your personal page. If any of the above is in your life, it seems that you have become a victim of a stalker. nine0003

And if you want to get to know who they are, watch the series "You" or the movie "Fatal Attraction". The main characters in them are bright representatives of such a phenomenon as stalking. Fortunately, not all stalkers are maniacs in life, but still their behavior is no less frightening. And, unfortunately, it is almost impossible to protect yourself from such people with the help of the judicial system.

N is absurd. I sit at home, then turn on, then turn off the phone. Sometimes I need to make a call - and all this needs to be done instantly, otherwise the iPhone will be raped by an attack from one cherished number. The caller is sitting downstairs in the car. Guards. nine0003

You don't understand: has he seriously lost his mind, and you need to call the police with paramedics, or is it just a tantrum - nasty, but short-lived? Well, how can an adult man, having received a resignation (relationship - less than a month), arrange this show with giraffes?

My version (and I insist - out of harm): this is such childish selfishness - I will lie on the floor of the store, squeal and piss under myself until my mother buys a toy. And not because the toy is needed (no one remembers what kind of toy we are talking about), but ... out of principle. Once something happened, and now you are proving something there. nine0003

Nevertheless, it is scary to go outside, because tears, women's howls, persuasions will fall on you. What to persuade? love me back?

Or Vladimir, in all seriousness, in an ambush. He has professional equipment - a telescope with a range of kilometers. He sits in the bushes and follows his mistress. He is waiting for her to come with another. She comes. Then he watches her windows (no longer from the bushes, it seems that he somehow got on the stairs of the house opposite). The mistress did not agree on an exclusive with him, she is free to sleep with anyone. But Vladimir stubbornly follows, calls, arranges scenes. He is fired, but he does not give up. I am now telling you about a successful man, married, with children, who puts on a wig, camouflage - and watches the girl all night long. nine0003

Don't say it's love. Any feeling, phenomenon or object has clear boundaries. Love with persecution, torture of an object is a mental illness with a fetish in the form of a person.

Love is bright, kind and altruistic. The essence and meaning of love is reciprocity. If this is not so, it is not love, but spiritual problems. A riot of passion is good only if it is two-sided.

Wikipedia says that “stalking is unwanted obsessive attention to one person by another person or group of people. Stalking is a form of harassment and intimidation; as a rule, it is expressed in the pursuit of the victim, tracking her. nine0003

Men make up 83% of stalkers, and women make up about two-thirds of the victims of stalking. About 50% of stalkers are ex-partners who start stalking after a breakup or divorce.”

In the past, many men could not accept being abandoned by a woman. There were even these "competitions" - who actually abandoned whom. As if for adequate people it matters. I had one man who came back into my life twice, making great efforts, was perfect, and then abruptly changed his behavior - and I immediately exposed him again. For the third time (here he already moved me to pity - he portrayed some kind of misfortune, begged to stay with me for a week), he changed the strategy. Realizing that the line “she’s softened, now I’ll show her who’s the boss” doesn’t work, he went into the kitchen and said: “I understand, we don’t fit together, I’m breaking up with you.” Well, I, satisfied and happy, said “OK!”, afraid to frighten off luck. He repeated: “It is I who part with you!” “Well, yes, of course, I’m in shock, God, how can I live,” I said in a monotone. To be honest, this did not bring him much joy, but it was clear that he was happy that it was "he left me." “Well, you idiot,” I thought, imagining life without his troubles. But it was a humane version of persecution. nine0003

Real possession is a serious illness. It is dangerous, even though it has different variations. It is not for nothing that a very strange kind of stalking is called “nonsense of love charm”. He is the Clerambo syndrome, he is also erotic nonsense.

As a child, I had a friend who told very true stories that a famous singer was in love with her. These tales were very similar to the truth. You are given a thoughtful, reliable story, sincere experiences. Miscellaneous small details. But at some point inconsistencies come out. Somehow the person is talking. And you understand - he is delirious. Another friend, already in adulthood, said that she had a connection with one minister. She also worked in the government, so their acquaintance did not seem to be something impossible. Smart successful woman with a brilliant career. Well, a man tells you about a secret (he is married) relationship that lasts for many years - nothing out of the ordinary. It's not like she's been abducted by aliens. Lots of details and, most importantly, the stories are so ordinary - no outstanding adventures, nothing strange that could suggest fantasies. For five years she fed me stories about that minister from time to time. And then I started to suspect. Didn't make ends meet. Then a mutual friend admitted that he did not want to betray her (childhood friend), but since I guessed, he laid out how everything really is. This woman takes every opportunity to be where the minister is. If she had a small talk with him, it's like a relationship year in her mind. Sometimes she is blown away - and in the middle of the night she bombards him with messages. The man reacts with dignity - either he pities her, or he has nerves of steel. A separate part of her life is hatred for his wife. She knows everything about her. Sometimes he watches. Criticizes everything, including children. And this has been going on for 20 years. Of course, she doesn’t have a personal life - but she believes that she has an affair. nine0003

Sometimes these people are just intrusive. Sometimes they are dangerous.

I had a lover who I kept just in case - and the funny thing is that it only lasted a month. He once called me, and I lied that I was going to visit relatives. In fact, another lover came to me. And so he leaves for work in the morning, and then the doorbell rings. I opened it without asking, I thought he forgot something. And there, this one. He bursts into the apartment and starts a tantrum - they say, he sat on the bench all night, and I, the bitch, was with another. It was scary. And then, lo and behold, the second man really forgot something and returned. And exposed the idiot. I had to twist it a little. nine0003

Such people are not able to control what happens to them. Sometimes they are frankly stupid, and sometimes they are smart, and then they more cleverly confuse the tracks, inspire confidence. And they can convince you that this is all love. But you don't believe.

Images from the series “You”

A very simple test: if a person complicates your life, if he convinces you to do something that you don’t want at all (at least accept him), then your interests are not important to him from the word “ at all". Oddly enough, the police scare them. Threaten. If he knows that the police will not do this, feel free to lie that your new man hired security, he has a staff and these guys are harsh. This usually works. nine0003

Stalkers realize they cannot control you. But the main thing is not to be fooled by myths about unbridled love that drives a person crazy. Stalking has nothing to do with love. And stalkers are cunning and prudent. Their goal is not you, but a sense of control, victory over you. Their addiction is more of a disease. And here it is necessary to make it clear that you and only you manage your life. Don't feed their interest. Do not engage in dialogue and do not answer questions. Do not try to convince or regret. The stalker can understand your attention as hope. nine0003

And most importantly - be sure to write a statement to the police and inform the stalker about it. There can be several options for filing an application - according to the Criminal Code of the Russian Federation (Articles 137 of the Criminal Code of the Russian Federation "Violation of privacy" and 119 of the Criminal Code of the Russian Federation "Threat of murder or infliction of grievous bodily harm") or according to the Code of Administrative Offenses (administrative articles: "Insult" in Code of Administrative Offenses of the Russian Federation 5.

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