Home » Misc » Definition of conditional love

Definition of conditional love


Conditional vs. Unconditional Love — Hudson Therapy Group

The term “unconditional love” is found all over songs and movie lines, but what does it actually mean for real life relationships?

To really understand this, let’s start by learning more about conditional versus unconditional love:

Conditional Love

Conditional love can be defined as just that--love with conditions. This means that your love for another person, or another person’s love for you, is contingent on certain actions, or things going on.

Common phrases used in conditional love:

“I will date you if you take me to prom”

“I will love you if you buy me this ring”

“I will stay with you if you don’t take that job”

See that common word if? That’s a clear indicator of a conditional relationship. In all of those phrases, the person is saying that they will enter the relationship, show their love, or remain in a relationship only if the person does or does not do a certain thing.

Those phrases are kind of stressful aren’t they? The other person is likely feeling trapped between two choices. Even more so, they feel as though they will only be loved based on their actions, rather than for who they are? Is that what love really is?

Unconditional Love

Unconditional love, on the other hand, is love without conditions. This is the kind of love that no matter what someone does, the other person will always love them.

Now, this isn’t always easy...especially when members of a relationship are in a disagreement. But through it all, there is always a sense of support, understanding, and compassion.

Common phrases used in unconditional love:

“I love you no matter what comes our way.”

“We will find a way to work this out together.”

“Even if I don’t agree with your decision, I am here to support you.”

The Difference

The difference between conditional and unconditional love is whether someone will be loved at all times, no matter what, or whether someone will be loved if they do or don’t do something. Unconditional love holds a feeling of acceptance and safety. People who experience unconditional love feel secure in their relationship and feel comfort in knowing that even if they struggle or misstep, they will always have a safe place to fall back on for support. Whereas, in conditional love, people oftentimes feel a lack of stability and trust. Moreover, they may feel like they have to mold who they are and what they do around someone else in order to continue receiving love. In all, unconditional love is something that is optimal for all of our relationships.

Not Only for Dating

Conditional and unconditional love is not something that can only be seen in our personal, intimate relationships, but applies to all of our relationships. Think of friendships, parent-child relationships, sibling relationships, the list goes on. In all of these connections, it is important to be aware of the dynamic and strive for a healthy, stable relationship built on trust, respect, acceptance, and unconditional positive regard for one another.

Hudson LCSW Group is a Westchester county counseling practice located in White Plains, NY. Our team of clinicians provide therapy for children, teens and adults.

Get Connected

RelationshipsHudson TherapyHudson LCSW GroupLove, Conditional Love, Unconditional Love, Relationships

0 Likes

Watch out for these Red Flags – Wild Simple Joy

374 shares

How do you know if someone’s love for you is conditional? Most people know what “conditional love” refers to, and no one wants to experience it. But few people really recognize the signs of conditional love. (I didn’t.)

Seeing conditional love for what it is takes a lot of insight and soul-searching, and bringing it into the light can change the scope of a relationship forever. Whether it is a relationship with a spouse, a friend, or your parents, conditional love can be painful. So read on for 9 signs of conditional love in any relationship, and an additional 8 signs your parents’ love is conditional.

*This post may contain affiliate links. Read our full disclosure policy, click here.

*Disclaimer: I am not a medical professional and do not offer this as medical advice. This is my own personal experience and I encourage everyone to seek advice from their doctor before making decisions about their health. To view our full disclaimer policy, click here.

What is Conditional Love?

Conditional love is a type of love that is based on “conditions” or circumstances that a person feels need to be present in order to give love to someone else. “Love” from this person may disappear during difficult moments and the person may withhold love in order to gain something.

Conversely, unconditional love is love without conditions. A person is able to love you at your lowest and at your highest, and they give love freely. They give love when they want to and also are willing to give you love when you need it.

When compared with unconditional love, conditional love falls short and can cause low self-esteem as well as the potential for depression and anxiety.

RELATED POST:
How to Find Your Soulmate in 7 Steps

Conditional Love Sign #1: You never feel good enough

Worrying about constantly doing more, being more, and feeling like you never live up can be a symptom of conditional love. When someone only gives you love in certain circumstances, or holds their love hostage from you on other circumstances, you begin to unconsciously draw conclusions about those set of circumstances.

When you have a nagging feeling that you will never measure up to that person’s expectations of you, it’s time to take a look at some of the other items on this list.

READ MORE: Why You Feel Like You’re Not Good Enough, and How to Change the Narrative

#2: They drain your energy

When you’re constantly trying to impress this person, whether they are a friend, sibling, or significant other, it can drain your energy really fast. You are working to live up to this person’s expectations, which is exhausting as it is. But then you begin to worry about what will happen if you fail, then your stress hormones are really going.

You begin to feel burnout over this relationship and you might feel drained whenever you’re around them.

#3: You dread seeing them

When I was married the first time, I was so tired of how I felt around my then-husband that I would make up excuses to avoid coming home. I would work late, schedule extra rehearsals, or even just go to the mall or a restaurant to walk around.

If you’ve been dreading seeing this person, chances are they might have conditional love for you. Often our gut will instinctively know something is wrong before our objective minds can define what it is exactly.

When someone loves you unconditionally, you feel safe around them. But if they love you conditionally, you likely don’t feel emotionally safe around them and may avoid them because of many of the other items on this list.

RELATED: I feel like a burden to my family.

Conditional Love Sign #4: They express love and pride in public

Does this person appear happy and loving in public, but the moment you get home, they shrug you off? This is a prime example of conditional love. The “conditions” of their love are that you’re there to make them look good to others. When you’re together in private, they aren’t interested in giving you love because those circumstances don’t meet their primary goal.

This is also a sign that your parents’ love is conditional. Parents may express how proud they are of you in public, like in front of teachers or friends. But the parent who loves you unconditionally is more likely to share their pride with you in close moments with just the two of you.

RELATED POST: Am I A Covert Narcissist? This Is How I Found Out

#5: They fall short in the “little moments”

Usually someone who loves conditionally is there for you in the big moments because it gives them something they want, like a way to be in the spotlight. But a life isn’t built on the big moments. Life is made in the little moments.

So the time you had a bad day at work and they refused to console you, or called you “sensitive” for needing support through anxiety or worry, these are those little moments that they might fall short because they don’t get anything out of it for themselves.

RELATED: What Does Love Feel Like? 25 Signs You’re In Love!

#6: You’ve caught them gaslighting you (or someone else)

Gaslighting has become a household word over the last half a decade. The term “gaslighting” refers to when a person twists words and questions your sanity or beliefs in order to maintain control over you in a relationship.

A prime example of gaslighting is using “always” or “never”. Maybe you approached a person about how they could have handled something better with your relationship and they respond with: “You always blame me for everything that’s gone wrong in your life.”

RELATED POST: Apologizing to An Ex in 7 Steps

Conditional Love Sign #7: They’re highly judgmental

Being judgmental is another sign of conditional love. Maybe you witness them sharing gossip, talking behind people’s backs, or even making comments about random strangers.

But when you spend enough time with this person, you begin to internalize their judgments. If they’re judging someone for being overweight, you may start paying more attention to your weight. If they’re judging someone for having tattoos, you will rule out ever getting a tattoo, just to please that person.

You may also worry that this person is judging you behind your back.

RELATED: How to Practice Non-judgmental Mindfulness

#8: They keep “score”

Keeping score is a highly toxic relationship practice in which one person brings up a grievance, and the other person tries to top that. Perhaps it was something that happened in the past, and the other person responds with 2 or 3 ways you did the exact same thing. Or maybe they tell you you did something even worse.

Either way, that person is trying to dodge responsibility by shifting the playing field. But when people love you unconditionally, they will take your grievances seriously.

#9: You never feel like you’re on the same level

Power imbalances in relationships are a huge red flag that something is not right. Whether they purposefully try to put themselves above you, or use manipulation tactics that get you to do what they want, feeling like you’re on different levels can mean that the other person only wants to give you love when you’re on the same level.

One practice of unconditional love is to meet a person where they are.

There are some additional signs that your parents’ love is conditional that are specific to a parent-child relationship.

#10: You can’t express your opinion or feelings around them

Often, a condition of a parent’s love is that their children share the same feelings and opinions to keep them in their own comfort zone.

Sometimes, parents can try to control the emotions of their children. Whether through toxic positivity or through emotional manipulation, some parents will do everything in their power to control the feelings of their children in order to validate their own emotions.

It applies to opinions too. When adult children have different opinions than their parents who give love conditionally, they will often shut their adult child down and refuse to speak.

Conditional Love Sign #11: They still see you as a child

Conditional love from parents can be a way to control their environment. It’s not always because they’re trying to be mean, but often they lack the emotional maturity to figure out a better way to deal with a world that feels out of control.

And one way that they maintain a status quo is by not adjusting to the ever-changing person that is you. They may treat you like you’re a child and refuse to see the life experiences you have had as an adult.

#12: You’ve always been a perfectionist

A sign of conditional love from a parent is that you are a perfectionist. When your parents’ expectations are high, almost unreasonable, and you realize this from an early age, you begin to pick up habits that will keep the love flowing.

So you work hard at school and try to be the best to prove to your parents that you are worthy of their love. Sure, you work hard for yourself too, but if you are a perfectionist or over-achiever, look deep down and see if your work ethic really stems from parents who you felt would withhold their love if you failed.

#13: You wonder if they talk about you negatively with others

Because people who love conditionally have a tendency to dole out judgment like ice cream, you witness them judging others on a regular basis. And it has always crossed your mind that they might talk about you behind your back as well.

Especially if you have siblings and you hear your parents (or one of them) talk about your siblings negatively, you can probably bet they’re doing it to you when you’re not around too!

RELATED POST:
What is Mom-Shaming?

Conditional Love Sign #14: They have unreasonably high expectations of you

Going back to #12, if you have perfectionist tendencies, you can probably bet that they have high expectations of you. Now, parents who give unconditional love are also capable of having high expectations, but there is one key difference.

Unconditional loving parents will still love and support their child when they fail. Parents who love conditionally will offer advice like a mild “Suck it up” or even a more damaging “That’s what you get when you only put in half-hearted effort” (even if you tried your best).

#15: They shut down conversations

A sign of conditional love from your parents is that they have low emotional intelligence. Often this results in needing to stay in their comfort zone. They lack the necessary skills to effectively and courageously handle difficult situations.

Therefore, when a conversation reaches beyond their comfort zone, they will shut the conversation down. Whether it’s with an “I don’t want to talk about this any more” or a more harmful statement like “You’re always making these ridiculous statements, and I don’t want to hear them,” this is what you’ll hear.

#16: They don’t acknowledge your achievements

Often, parents who love conditionally will only acknowledge your achievements if there’s something in it for them. Maybe they want praise and attention and your achievement doesn’t get them that. Or maybe they secretly wish you want to follow in their footsteps, then they’ll likely ignore your achievements that are not exactly what they would do.

Sometimes, conditional love is in fact so conditional that parent criticize each and every accomplishment that their children make.

#17: Your parents’ relationship with each other had a power imbalance

One sign that your parents’ love is conditional is that there is often a power imbalance in their own relationship. Whether they are still married or divorced, you can tell from their interactions with each other.

Perhaps one criticizes the other for being sensitive, putting them down or invalidating their own emotions. Maybe the other parent can be caught emotionally manipulating or gaslighting the other.

These displays of imbalance or power-grabs are red flags that they are expressing repressed emotions from receiving conditional love from the other.

Conclusion

Conditional love is difficult to go through, and it may cause anger and resentment once you realize that someone’s love for you comes with strings. These 17 signs of conditional love will help you determine if someone you love is only conditional. You might need to put up some healthy boundaries in order to deal with people who try to set conditions for their love.

But the good news is that unconditional love does exist, and it is possible that you can find it. Make sure you learn more about Unconditional Love and How to Give It.

374 shares

Conditional and unconditional love | mysit

What does

conditional

parental love lead to?

The main task of motherhood and fatherhood is to love

children. Researchers of child psychology

distinguish conditional

and unconditional love for children.

What is the essence of conditional love and

what are its consequences?

First try to answer the following questions:

* How often do you call your child: “Come to me: I will say or show something?”
* How often does your speech sound: "If you..."?
* How often do you use "we" when you mean only your baby?
* How often do you use commands instead of asking your child?
* How often do you raise your voice to a child?

If you find that your answer is yes to at least two questions and fits every day you spend with your child, then conditional love prevails. nine0003

Conditional love is when a parent shows or gives love to children only after they meet certain conditions or requirements. Conditional love is love "for something...", which is the opposite of unconditional love - "love for nothing". Conditional love puts some limits on the existence of love in general: it is real only as long as the child meets some of its conditions (always different, depending on the circumstances). Conditional love tells the child: “I love you, but I can’t accept you completely, I can’t agree with something in you, you have to change in order for me to love you.” Such parental messages, most often, come from the unconscious part of the psyche of mothers and fathers. This is because the parents themselves were accepted by their own parents with conditions. This vicious circle can be broken only by understanding how the mechanism of conditional love works. Conditional love is bought. The price of this purchase is behavior. Most often, conditional love comes from adults who do not accept themselves, do not love themselves and broadcast the same message to children. nine0027 Carl Rogers, the founder of the humanistic trend in psychology, showed in his writings what conditional parental love leads to. If a child lives in an atmosphere of claims and demands on him, where the love of adults depends on his behavior, then over time he begins to deny or even hate in himself those parts of the personality for which his parents do not reward him with acceptance. What is condemned by parents cannot be valuable for the child. Remember this! With this message, the child will enter adulthood. Often such children become adults who find it difficult to consider themselves worthy of some kind of award, respect or good treatment. nine0027 The manifestation of parental love directly affects the formation of children's self-esteem. The more conditions and requirements adults put forward to a child in order to receive love and support, the more underestimated will be the self-worth of an adult. When a child grew up in an environment where he received acceptance only under certain conditions, the more demands on himself and, to his happiness, a 30-40-year-old person will put forward. And the opposite example, if in childhood children are accepted unconditionally, the easier it will be for them in adulthood to love themselves, accept, protect and take care of their needs on their own. nine0027 Often there is conditional love, which is expressed by the desire of parents to make children unnecessarily dependent on themselves. The child is very dependent on his parents in the first year of his life. If this dependence does not decrease as the child grows, then this becomes a serious obstacle to the emotional life of the child and the whole family.

Most adults cannot imagine love without commitment. Society always insists that responsibility is needed in all matters. Moreover, parenthood should be super responsible. Many adults take such a call of modernity very literally and push to the back of their souls the qualities that are so necessary for unconditional acceptance: tolerance, respect, closeness. Regarding the upbringing of a child, obligations usually lie in the area of ​​“exemplary behavior”, “success”, “excellent or good education”. No one denies the importance of discipline and commitment to children, but it is important to remember that trying to manipulate behavior to win love makes children very unhappy and sad. The child is most afraid of losing parental acceptance. If he is placed in conditions where love is not given “just like that”, but it needs to be received “for something”, then it lays a stereotype of behavior for life: there is no love in the world, it must be earned. nine0027 As adults, such people go through life with all their nature with one single goal - to earn love, acceptance of the people around them with their actions and behavior. Such people do not experience pleasure and pleasure from life, relationships, creativity. All the impulses of their souls are aimed at one thing - what should I do to be loved. This is one of the saddest consequences of surrogate parental love. The belief that “I’m not good enough on my own” clings tightly to the roots of conditional parental love and is the cause of many people’s suffering. If you feel that this text - the words concern you personally, then turn to psychotherapy, work through these thought blocks in order to be able to create healthy parenthood in the family. nine0003


The ways in which parents try to conditionally love the child:
- Overprotection: ignoring the real needs of the child, caring for what is not essential for the child at the moment.
- Blackmail: The use of parental authority to force the obedience of children.
- Tone of voice: rising even in moments when there is no danger to the child's life.
- Threats: intimidating a child, even if you never intended to carry it out.
- Pleasure: depriving a child of dessert if he refused or forgot to do something. nine0027 - Punishment: leaving the baby crying in the crib without comfort.
- Condemnation: show anger at the moment the child recognizes some indecent act.
Conditional love exists. She is real. This does not mean that this kind of love is contraindicated and not needed. Of course not! Conditional love is love where cooperation and contractual relationships are important without the need for complete acceptance. Conditional love is simply necessary in the relationship of a man and a woman, an employee and a subordinate, between friends. This love must exist and partly it must be taught to the child. nine0003

E. Frome, psychoanalyst, representative of the Frankfurt School of Psychotherapy, in his book “The Art of Loving” determined that maternal love is unconditional love, at the same time, a kind and patient father should set an example of conditional love in the family. The ability to balance these two types of love will create a good foundation for the mental health of children.

Unconditional love in practice!

​

​ It is easy to understand the idea of ​​unconditional love, but it is not easy to implement it in real life. The value of the idea of ​​unconditional parenting is that children do not have to earn parental approval. Loving children is important without any "if". The child came into this life - this is the only reason to love him and take care of him. The essence of unconditional acceptance is that not we, adults, should be sure that we love children sincerely, without putting forward any conditions, but the children themselves should be sure that they are loved just like that. nine0027 A wise parent always thinks about the consequences: what will happen to the child in the future? A wise parent understands that childhood is the period when the foundation of all subsequent life is laid. As for the consequences of unconditional love, be sure that the result is only positive. Saturated with love in childhood, the child will become a sensitive and responsive adult. A child who is accepted by his parents will be able to accept himself on a fundamental level in adulthood. Even in times of defeat and failure, such a person will be able not to judge himself excessively and will allow room for mistakes in his life without undue remorse. nine0027 This has already been checked many times!
Loving children unconditionally is not only right, but it is also very reasonable. If this need of the child is satisfied, then the ability to accept other people as they are develops, a sense of help and compassion becomes the basis for personal development. If children are the flowers of life, then unconditional love is watering those flowers. With unconditional acceptance, children flourish.
One can love a child unconditionally, but he may never know it. Very often, difficulties in family relationships happen because parents do not have the experience of expressing their unconditional love. What can be done so that the child we love also feels love and can respond in the future to the call of life - "Love"? nine0003

How to show unconditional love?


Example 1 Child and food. Respect
Trust your child and their needs. If for some unknown reason, the child refuses to eat, respect it. Do not try to feed him in any way. Let the diet be broken, let the food cool, but you will follow the child, his impulse and show that he is loved in his refusal to eat right now. It means to respect the child. This is not a trifle: this position of an adult lays the foundation of respect between you and the child. Letting your child decide when he is full and when he is hungry is an example of unconditional acceptance. Here you will never make a mistake. Hunger is a natural instinct. Allowing your child to self-regulate their diet teaches them responsibility for meeting their own needs. By doing this, the parent creates space for the baby to learn to trust himself. Only by demonstrating respect to the baby from the mother, the child will learn to respect himself. This is an important part of unconditional love. nine0003

Example 2 Child and food. The right to choose
Taking care of the baby's health, every mother tries very hard to cook only wholesome food. Unconditional love is the love of mom and dad when the right to choose in a relationship is provided. When preparing meals, do not forget to include in the "menu" the possibility of choosing dishes for the child. Set the table with several dishes. For yourself, be sure that absolutely everything is useful and necessary for the baby. By creating conditions for the manifestation of independence, you teach him to listen to himself and show that you approve of the choice of a young son or daughter. These playful meals will create warm friendships between children and parents from early childhood. They will fix parental attitudes in the mind of the baby: “I appreciate you, therefore I give you the right to choose!” nine0003

Example 3 A child is learning to walk. Patience
Suddenly the time comes when the child begins to stand up, climb, move independently. If you are an attentive parent, then you will agree that children immediately start running, walking comes later. Ensuring the safety of the child is increased excessively during this period of his life. It is important these days to clearly define the baby what is allowed and what is prohibited. The aspect of unconditional love of this period is not just to forbid certain things to the baby, but it is important to instill in him a sense of security. This means that it is desirable to give a small child the opportunity to make mistakes, under the supervision of loving adults. This will contribute to the development of self-preservation and caution. Slow parental support with patience and calmness will assure the baby that he is welcome and loved, and he will develop his own self-confidence. nine0003

Example 4 Child and sleep. Proximity
A big test for parents can be the process of falling asleep a small child. Often parents complain that the child refuses to go to bed at the appointed time. As experience shows, many children cannot fall asleep alone in the crib. This is a problem for busy moms. But the essence of unconditional love is that the child needs the physical proximity of the mother to feel safe. If a child feels lonely during the period of falling asleep, he may simply hate sleep and will resist and refuse to sleep with all his might. A cranky child craves warmth and touch before going to bed. This fear, the fear of being alone before going to sleep, can persist throughout later life. In adulthood, this will manifest itself as insomnia. The task of the mother during childhood is to be with the child at bedtime for as long as there is a need for this for the child himself. While falling asleep, feeling close to a loved one, the child is imbued with unconditional love. Let it happen in your relationship! nine0003

A child is born and is an extension of its parents. This connection is never broken. The baby is especially close to his mother and is sensitive to her outbursts of emotions, feelings and experiences. The first rule of unconditional motherly love is to follow maternal instincts, to be close to the child, to feel him and to guess the needs. Every woman has these qualities by nature. Perhaps sometimes you need to practice and develop your motherhood. This process is exciting!


Source: http://www.stranamam.ru/article/8299944/

Conditional and unconditional love, what is the difference and what is true love?

Unconditional love is so different from the love we are used to receiving that most of us don't really know what it is.

Nowadays, "love" means various forms of falling in love, passion, intimacy, affection, codependency and selfish needs, and this is not about real love.

True love is a rare and incredibly valuable feeling. The moment you experience true unconditional love is the moment you feel fully seen, understood, forgiven, accepted, and able to love yourself for who you are. It is the most inclusive and liberating feeling you will ever experience. nine0003

Unconditional love is the most healing force in the universe. But unfortunately, we are so starved in our daily lives that we become emotionally and spiritually unhealthy. One of the saddest looks you will ever see is from a being that has been deprived of unconditional love.

« Love is long-suffering, merciful, love does not envy, love does not exalt itself, is not proud, does not act outrageously, does not seek its own, is not irritated, does not think evil, does not rejoice in iniquity, but rejoices in the truth; covers everything, believes everything, hopes everything, endures everything. Love never ceases, although prophecy will cease, and tongues will be silent, and knowledge will be abolished. nine0102 »
Bible 1 Corinthians 13:4-8

Unconditional love means to love someone or something without any conditions. In other words, no matter what the other person says, does, feels, thinks, or believes, we still love them unconditionally. Unconditional love can also be applied to other beings such as animals. But perhaps most importantly, unconditional love can be applied directly to ourselves.

The more we are able to love ourselves unconditionally, the more we will be able to love others in the same way. This principle echoes the famous words of Jesus, “Love your neighbor as yourself,” and other enlightened masters such as Lao Tzu, who said, “When you accept yourself, the whole world accepts you.” nine0003

« If we summarize everything that is called love in the world, then we get some intense feeling mixed with physical attraction, the desire to possess and control, as well as addiction, eroticism and novelty. Such “love” is usually short-lived and changeable, and depending on the circumstances, it either grows or decreases. When plans are frustrated, then in place of this emotion, anger often appears, which until now has been hiding under the mask of love. It is widely believed that from love to hate is one step, however, what is being said here is not Love at all, but rather a sentimental feeling of dependence. nine0102 »
Dr. David R. Hawkins

Conditional love is the exact opposite of unconditional love. Indeed, conditional love is not "love" in the truest sense of the word, because it comes from the ego, not from the heart.

Unlike unconditional love, which is given freely, conditional love must be “earned”. When this false form of love is earned, only then is love, respect, and kindness given.

While unconditional love is limitless and immense, conditional love is restrictive and limited. While unconditional love doesn't need anything, conditional love is only given when something is received. nine0003

The equation is:

I will only love you if _____ (you do it, you say it, you provide it, you make me feel this way).

Conditional love is inherently selfish and self-centered. Conditional love lasts only as long as certain unspoken rules are maintained or followed.

Some of the more common unspoken rules behind conditional love include:

  • I will only love you if you make me feel good.
  • I will love you only if you look attractive.
  • I will love you only if you are successful and popular.
  • I will only love you if you have a good career.
  • I will only love you if you do what I say.
  • I will love you only if you believe, as I do.
  • I will love you only if you support my bad habits. nine0139
  • I will only love you if you keep giving me money.
  • I will love you only if you are good in bed.
  • I will love you only if I can control you.
  • I will love you only if I approve of your life decisions.
  • I will love you only if you behave properly.
  • I will love you only if you sacrifice something for me.
  • I will love you only if you give up your dream. nine0139
  • I will love you only if you love me.

You can see how conditional love is doomed to failure and absolute suffering.

Relationships with partner, children, family, friends and parents can be conditional love. Many of us have experienced these kinds of shallow relationships.

Unconditional love does not need to be earned or proven. She is eternal and endless. If you want to learn how to experience unconditional love, you must be willing to change your habits. nine0003

Here are some effective ways to practice unconditional love for yourself and others:

1. Whenever you experience unloving emotions, accept them instead of pushing them away

We are taught from childhood to avoid and suppress "negative" emotions. Hidden emotions begin to create darkness. The practice of accepting how you feel instead of fighting to stop the emotion or artificially force yourself to be happy. Respect your emotions and the messages they bring.

2. Practicing mindfulness and connecting with your body

How do you feel about your body? Do you feel pain, fatigue, stiffness, tension or heaviness? The practice of consciously observing these sensations without judgment. Breathe deeply and allow yourself to relax. Watch your body and let whatever you feel be, you will have access to deeper levels of peace.

3. Embrace your negative thoughts and habits

Remember, it's okay to fight negative thoughts and habits. It is important to remember that these thoughts and habits do not define you - you allow them to exist, but you must not identify with them. Accept your tendency to be negative and even self-hating. Even self-hatred is an opportunity to forgive and practice unconditional self-love. nine0003

4. Ask yourself: “Am I setting conditions on this relationship?”

Be honest. Does someone's behavior or beliefs get in the way of loving them? It is normal to feel angry and discouraged towards another person. What can you do to open your heart to the person or group of people in your life?

5. Giving something to others without wanting anything in return

You can try this little practice every day. For example, you could give a compliment, do a favor for someone, skip someone ahead of you in line, or take any other form of help that will brighten up the other person's day. nine0003

6. Be aware of triggers that make you switch off

Triggers are wounds within us that have not yet healed. When someone touches our unhealed wound, triggers cause us to react with anger, self-isolation, and even hatred. By paying attention to your triggers, you will develop more self-awareness. The more mindful you are, the more you can practice loving yourself and forgiving others.

7. Forgive others (and yourself) and free yourself

Forgiveness is an act of self-liberation. You do not forgive others for the sake of being a self-righteous saint, you forgive in order to release the weight of resentment from your heart. Think of all the grudges you might be holding right now. What can you do to find peace through forgiveness? nine0003

8. Practicing loving yourself and others "as is"

Unconditional love means accepting all the good, bad and ugly things about yourself and others. Remember that no one is perfect and no one can ever be perfect.

Learn more