My parenting style is

Bright Horizons | What Is My Parenting Style? Four Types of Parenting

One of the interesting things about being a parent is that there is great variation in how we raise our children. At the same time, there are many commonalities from one parent to another. In fact, there is enough similarity that researchers like Dr. Diana Baumrind have tried to group parents into four common parenting styles.

The Baumrind parenting styles are United States-centric and it is not clear how well these styles describe parents cross-culturally. Each parenting style varies in at least four areas: discipline style, communication, nurturance, and expectations.

Baumrind Parenting Styles: Four Types of Parenting

Authoritarian Parenting

Authoritarian parents are often thought of as disciplinarians.

They use a strict discipline style with little negotiation possible. Punishment is common.
Communication is mostly one way: from parent to child. Rules usually are not explained.
Parents with this style are typically less nurturing.
Expectations are high with limited flexibility.

Permissive Parenting

Permissive or Indulgent parents mostly let their children do what they want, and offer limited guidance or direction. They are more like friends than parents.

Their discipline style is the opposite of strict. They have limited or no rules and mostly let children figure problems out on their own.
Communication is open but these parents let children decide for themselves rather than giving direction.
Parents in this category tend to be warm and nurturing.
Expectations are typically minimal or not set by these parents.

Uninvolved Parenting

Uninvolved parents give children a lot of freedom and generally stay out of their way. Some parents may make a conscious decision to parent in this way, while others are less interested in parenting or unsure of what to do.

No particular discipline style is utilized. An uninvolved parent lets a child mostly do what they want, probably out of a lack of information or caring.
Communication is limited.
This group of parents offers little nurturing.
There are few or no expectations of children.

Authoritative Parenting

What is authoritative parenting? Authoritative parents are reasonable and nurturing, and set high, clear expectations. Children with parents who demonstrate this style tend to be self-disciplined and think for themselves. This style is thought to be most beneficial to children.

Disciplinary rules are clear and the reasons behind them are explained.
Communication is frequent and appropriate to the child’s level of understanding.
Authoritative parents are nurturing.
Expectations and goals are high but stated clearly. Children may have input into goals.

What is My Parenting Style?

While you may hear of other parenting styles in the news, such as helicopter parenting, tiger parenting, or free-range parenting, many of these philosophies are extensions of Baumrind’s research-based parenting styles outlined above. Few of us fit neatly into one single parenting style, but rather, raise children using a combination of styles. Think of the four parenting styles psychology as a continuum instead of four distinct ways to parent. Ideally, parents can tweak their parenting style based on their children’s needs.

Factors in How Children "Turn Out"

Relationships. We know from research that parenting does impact kids. Research shows us that the quality of the relationship between parent and child has a huge impact on brain development—the actual architecture of children’s brains is influenced by parenting. Numerous studies have found that secure, healthy parent-child relationships impact children’s stress levels, social-emotional well-being, and even academic success. The work of parenting is figuring out how to have a warm, high-quality relationship with your child while also creating rules and expectations. This takes time and practice, and willingness to course correct when things are not working.

Temperament. Every person is born with a unique way of approaching the world—their temperament. Research indicates that a combination of family influence and genetic disposition affects how people approach and respond to situations. Temperament includes our activity level, emotional intensity and mood, how we react to new places, transitions, or changes, and our level of focus and persistence. In some cases, children and parents are similar in temperament and share many of the same reactions, perceptions, or opinions. At other times, children and parents may differ. In these cases, parents might need to adjust their expectations. As adults, we’re responsible for the quality and success of our relationships with children. Once we have insight into our temperament and our child’s temperament, we can learn to prepare children and plan or alter the environment, as well as our actions and reactions, to create a “goodness of fit.”

The Baumrind parenting styles offer a starting point for understanding how you generally parent. From there, you can individualize your style for you and your child, creating a “goodness of fit” that prioritizes strong relationships, clear communication, and effective rules and guidance.

Webinar: Getting to Know Your Parenting Style

When it comes to parenting styles, we all know that one size doesn’t fit all. So how can you ensure your parenting style is helping your child to thrive? Access the Bright Horizons® Family Matters webinar to find out.

Parenting Style Quiz | Psych Central

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Medically reviewed by Cydney Ortiz, PsyD — By Taneasha White — Updated on Feb 14, 2022

Your parenting style can affect how your child engages with the world and influence how they navigate their lives into adulthood. This can range from the partners and friends we seek out to our relationship with food and exercise.

There are three parenting styles.

Authoritative: This is a nurturing and supportive parenting style, with firm limits set for children. To try to control their child’s behavior, parents will often explain and discuss the rules and limits they’ve set. They will listen to their child’s point of view but may not consider it.

Permissive: Permissive parents are known to be loving and warm but don’t usually monitor their children closely or set hard boundaries with clear expectations of appropriate behavior. According to the American Psychological Association, children who grow up with permissive guardians tend to be impulsive, rebellious, aggressive and have challenges with self-reliance and self-control.
Uninvolved or flexible: Parents who are in the category of flexibility or uninvolved (sometimes called laissez-faire) have a style that may be seen as unavailable, neglectful or absent. Children of these parents may have challenges with self-esteem and seek out unhealthy substitutions for parents. According to a 2019 study, people with uninvolved parents often have trouble with social relationships and emotional regulation.

This brief, time-saving questionnaire is designed for anyone who may have questions about the parenting style they were raised under.

The quiz could also be helpful if you have questions about your own parenting style or about your child’s responses to your decision making.

This online screening is not a definitive tool. The quiz will not determine the reasoning behind your feelings and behaviors or your children’s.

Still, it can be useful if you’re thinking about where to begin conversations or determining whether you’d like to consider therapy for yourself, your child, or your family.

Instructions

For each item, indicate how much you agree or disagree with the statement. Take your time and answer truthfully for the most accurate results. (If both parents are available, it might be a good idea for both to take the quiz and then compare their parenting styles.)

This online screening is not a diagnostic tool. Only a trained medical professional, like a doctor or mental health professional, can help you determine the next best steps for you.

Ready to start therapy? Our Find a Therapist resource may help.

Last medically reviewed on February 13, 2022

3 sourcescollapsed

Kuppens, S, et al. (2019). Parenting styles: A closer look at a well-known concept.
ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC6323136/
Mendez, S. (2021). Types of parenting styles and effects on children.
ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/books/NBK568743/
Parenting styles [Fact sheet]. (n.d.).
apa.org/act/resources/fact-sheets/parenting-styles

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Medically reviewed by Cydney Ortiz, PsyD — By Taneasha White — Updated on Feb 14, 2022

Test for parents "Your parenting style"

There are four parenting styles: authoritative, authoritarian, permissive and liberal. Take the test and find out what style you use in raising your child.

Your parenting style test

To answer the question, choose one statement that is closest to you. The passage time is not limited.

Below are detailed descriptions of each result and recommendations for parents.

And this graph will help you better understand in which case and what the child may lack.

The most healthy and harmonious parenting style is authoritative. With him, there is equally much love and expectations from the parent. If it turns out that you have a different one, you can change the approach a little. With an authoritarian style, add more love; with liberal - a little more expectations and reasonable control; conniving - both love and expectations

Permissive style

Parents who are characterized by this style of upbringing expect little from the child, and show love too little. Relations with him are neutral or cold. “He will somehow grow up, but we could,” - everything is built on this belief.

Pros . The child is independent beyond his years, he can take care of himself and, if he wants, of others.

Minuses :

The child lacks love and warmth. He does not know how it is to be loved, and does not know how to show his feelings.
It is difficult for him to trust people and the environment, he is not sure of anything or anyone. Hence the constant stress.
Can grow closed and suffer from this closeness. Not able to build trusting, strong relationships with people.
He does not know his place in life, because in childhood no one was engaged in his development, the search for points of interest and strengths.
Has problems with self-esteem, even if from the outside it seems confident.

Recommendation . It is important for a child to feel the attention, support and love of a parent - this is the foundation that motivates them to go forward and overcome difficulties, fight for their happiness and believe in themselves.

Equally important is setting expectations. To develop independence in a child, celebrate successes and show that he can learn anything. The assistance of parents in realizing the potential is what helps a person find his place in life and achieve results in the chosen activity.

Start paying more attention to your child, communicate with him more often and take care of the house together, offer developmental activities according to age. Praise him, feel free to hug him. Let him feel that he is important to you.

Liberal style

Liberal style is characterized by low expectations, while the parent shows a lot of love and builds a warm relationship with the child. He does everything he asks, and does not forbid anything. There are few requirements for the child, he grows up in an atmosphere of permissiveness.

Pluses . The child does not lack love and attention at home. He is happy and calm with his parents.

Minuses :

Over time, there are problems in communicating with peers. The child does not know how to listen to others and respect their wishes. At the same time, he does not know how to designate and defend his borders, because no one set an example for him.
The child gets used to being praised for every little thing and is surprised when strangers, for example, teachers, require him to take his activity seriously. As a result, he often abandons her and accumulates resentment in himself.
It is difficult for a child to solve problems on his own, because he is used to the fact that his parents do everything for him. He cannot take the initiative, take a leadership position.
All his life he is looking for support in others.
Grows up infantile, does not want to grow up.
Does not know how to control himself.
Feels socially useless.
Has vulnerable self-esteem.

Recommendation . It is important to understand that love does not mean permissiveness. If a parent does not teach a child to solve problems on his own, take himself and his activities seriously, control himself and take responsibility, he will be greatly disappointed in adulthood. And endless trips to psychotherapists.

In education, shift the emphasis towards the development of independence in the child. Connect him to household chores, do not hesitate to ask him for help. Entrust the child with an area of \u200b\u200bresponsibility - for example, feeding pets. Let him feel not only loved, but also a necessary, useful member of the family. Treat your child as an individual, not a helpless creature.

Authoritarian style

This parenting style is typical for parents with high expectations, but not able to show unconditional love. The relationship with the child is cold. The days are scheduled in advance, the profession is chosen, the scenario of life is planned, and deviations from it are punished.

Pluses . The child masters a certain type of activity well, in the future it often becomes a profession.

Minuses :

There is no independence and determination, the child is constantly waiting for someone's instructions.
Does not feel needed and loved, hence the problems with the manifestation of feelings and self-esteem.
The child lacks freedom - he does not influence decisions in his life and feels out of place.
Cannot indicate personal boundaries.
Constantly trying to please everyone.
He is never satisfied with himself, he is waiting for evaluations from outside.
Often such children succumb to the influence of "bad company".
In adulthood, regular trips to psychotherapists threaten.
Does not live the life he wants, is engaged in an unloved business. Moreover, the child does not know what he wants, because the choice was made for him long ago.

Recommendation . A child needs parental warmth and love. Without them, he cannot develop harmoniously and feel happy. It is worth starting with manifestations of love: communicate with the child, support, do housework with him together. Gently direct rather than make decisions for him.

Give more freedom: choose from among several activities that you like, clothes that you like, etc. And every time you want to force a child to do something against his will, ask yourself: “What drives me? Why am I doing this? Why do I force my child to do what he does not want?

Focus less on accomplishments. Feeling happy is no less important than being successful in your work. Only the path chosen for oneself independently and consciously can bring satisfaction and joy.

Authoritative style

The most harmonious and healthy parenting style. It is characterized by many understandable expectations and also many manifestations of love from an adult. The relationship with the child is warm.

The parent sets the rules, but the child knows that his opinion is also important and is not afraid to express it. He can participate in decision-making in accordance with his age, the responsibility that he can take on at this stage. Feels like a useful, full-fledged member of the family.

Pluses :

The child feels support and love in the family, he always feels good at home.
Grows up as an independent and self-confident person.
Knows how to mark personal boundaries.
Respects the wishes of others.
Initiative, easily takes a leadership position and cares about others.
Can adapt to a constantly changing environment.
Has a healthy, strong self-esteem.
Not afraid of difficulties, because he is used to thinking and finding solutions.
Knows his place in life.

Cons . This style of parenting implies a willingness to work on oneself and a high degree of awareness on the part of parents.

Recommendation . In order for the child to continue to develop harmoniously, and peace reigned in the family, do not forget to find time for yourself and your favorite activities. It is important for a child to see parents happy, not exhausted.

Marina Belykh — AMI Montessori teacher, neuropsychologist and expert of the online course "Development and upbringing from 3 to 6 years old"

Editor: Camila Klenowitz

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Questionnaire "Your parenting style"

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Tests for parents
The test questionnaire offered to you is taken from the book “Emotional Intelligence of the Child. A Practical Guide for Parents”. According to the author of the book, psychologist John Gottman, in order to become good parents, you need to start with introspection. Take this quiz to find out what kind of parenting style you have.

The most advantageous when raising a child, according to J. Gottman, is the emotional educator style: “All parents love their children, but, unfortunately, not everyone is engaged in emotional education. Awareness of its need does not automatically follow from their love or from the decision to use a warm and Emotional parenting is more like an art, requiring mindfulness, listening, and problem-solving behaviors that my colleagues and I have found in healthy, well-functioning families.

We can call these families emotionally intelligent. I believe that almost all moms or dads can become emotional caregivers, but many of them will have to overcome certain obstacles. One of the obstacles may be the habitual attitude to emotions, adopted in the homes where they grew up. Lack of skills to listen to your children can also get in the way. These difficulties may prevent them from becoming those strong mothers and fathers, the support for children that they want to be . .. "

INSTRUCTIONS.

In this test, you have to answer questions about negative emotions - sadness, fear and anger - that you and your children experience.

Please mark the answer that best matches your opinion. Try to answer all the questions (P=Correct, F=Incorrect).

TEST

1. In fact, children have little reason to be sad. P N

2. I think that if anger is under control, then it is quite normal to experience it. P N
3. Children who show their sadness just want adults to feel sorry for them. P N
4. When a child is angry, take a short break. P N
5. When my child is sad, he starts misbehaving. P N
6. When my child is sad, he expects me to fix the world and make it perfect. P N
7. With my rhythm of life, I have no time for sadness. P N
8. Anger is a dangerous condition. P N
9. If a child's sadness is ignored, it goes away by itself. G F 10. Anger usually means aggression. P N
11. Children often pretend to be sad to get their way. P N
12. I think that as long as sadness is under control, then everything is fine. P N
13. Sadness must be overcome, experienced, and not obsessed with it. P N
14. I don't mind talking to my child about sadness, as long as it doesn't go on too long. P N
15. I like cheerful children more than constantly excited ones. P N
16. When my child is upset, this is a good time to start problem solving. P N
17. I help my children get over their sadness quickly so they can start doing more enjoyable things. P N
18. I do not think that if my child is sad, then he can be taught something. G F 19. I think that children are sad because they attach too much importance to the negative aspects of life. P N
20. When my child gets angry, he turns into a real rascal. P N
21. When a child is angry, I set limits. P N
22. When my child is sad, it means that he wants to attract attention. P N
23. Anger is an emotion worth exploring. P N
24. Most often, children get angry because of immaturity and lack of understanding. P N
25. I am trying to change my child's anger into cheerfulness. P N
26. You must express the anger you feel. P N
27. When my child gets upset, this is a chance to bond with him. P N
28. In fact, children have almost no reason to be angry. P N
29. When my child is sad, I try to help him understand what is upsetting him. P N
30. When my child is sad, I show that I understand him. P N
31. I want my child to experience sadness. P N
32. It is important to find out why the child is sad. P N
33. Childhood is a happy time, so a child should not be sad or angry. P N
34. When my child is sad, we sit down and talk about sadness. P N
35. When my child is sad, I try to help him find out why. P N
36. When my child is angry, this is an opportunity to get close to him. P N
37. When my child is angry, I try to experience this feeling with him. P N
38. I want my child to feel angry. P N
39. I think it's good that children get angry sometimes. P N
40. It is important to understand why a child is angry. P N
41. When my daughter is sad, I warn her that she will have a bad temper. P N
42. When my child is sad, I worry that he will become a pessimist. P N
43. I don't try to tell my child anything in particular about sadness. P N
44. The only thing that can be said about sadness is that it is perfectly normal to express it. P N
45. I'm not sure what can be done to get rid of sadness. P N
46. Little can be done for an upset child, except to comfort him. P N
47. When my child is sad, I try to let him know that I love him no matter what. P N
48. When my child is sad, I do not quite understand what he expects from me. P N
49. I don't really try to tell my child anything in particular about anger. P N
50. The only thing that can be said about anger is that it is perfectly normal to express it. P N
51. When my child is angry, I try to be sympathetic to his mood. P N
52. When my child gets angry, I try to let him know that I love him no matter what. P N
53. When my child is angry, I do not quite understand what he expects from me. P N
54. My child has a bad temper and it worries me. P F 55. I believe that a child should not show his anger. P N
56. When angry, people do not control themselves. P N
57. Children express anger in the form of fits of rage. P N
58. Children get angry to be able to go their own way. P N
59. It worries me that when my child is angry, he tends to destroy everything. P N
60. If you allow children to be angry, they will think they can always do as they please. P N
61. In anger, children do not respect anyone. P N
62. When children are angry, they look funny. P N
63. Usually anger prevents me from drawing the right conclusions, and I do things that I later regret. P N
64. If my child is angry, then it is time to solve the problem. P N
65. When my child gets angry, I think it's time to spank him. P F 66. When my child is angry, my task is to stop it immediately. P N
67. I don't attach much importance to a child's anger. P N
68. When my child gets angry, I don't take it too seriously. P N
69. When I get angry, I feel like I'm going to explode. P N
70. Nothing can be achieved with anger. P N
71. The expression of anger causes a strong excitement in the child. P N
72. A child's anger is very important. P N
73. Children have the right to be angry. G F 74. When my child goes crazy, I just find out why. P N
75. It is important to help the child understand what caused his anger. P N
76. When my child is angry with me, I think, "I don't want to hear that." P N
77. When my child gets angry, I think, "If only he could learn to be flexible." P N
78. When my daughter gets angry, I think, "Why can't she accept things as they are?" P N
79. I want my child to be angry so that he can stand up for himself.
Learn more

My parenting style is

Bright Horizons | What Is My Parenting Style? Four Types of Parenting

More on Parenting Styles:

Parenting Style Quiz | Psych Central

Ready to start therapy? Our Find a Therapist resource may help.

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Test for parents "Your parenting style"

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Questionnaire "Your parenting style"