Married to a female sociopath

Understanding Female Sociopaths: Female Sociopath Checklist

In This Article

Sociopaths are antisocial personalities who have no respect for human rights or the feeling of people. People with this disorder can harm anyone for their personal gains.

They are highly self-centered and manipulative people. We can say that a sociopath is a person with no conscience, always thinking about their personal gains, and having it at any cost.

Also Try: Am I Dating a Sociopath Quiz

When we talk about women or female sociopaths, we find that they are more harmful than male psychopaths.

They feel pleasure by hurting others, especially women. They live by telling lies and deceive people or harming them. They have very sharp strategies to trap their victim. They can do anything to get to their goals.

Related Reading: Signs of a Sociopath

Warning signs of female sociopaths

The warning signs must be known by each person so that they may be able to protect themselves from a female sociopath.

Female sociopaths

  1. Never care for the rules, norms, and laws of society
  2. Never care for other peoples’ rights
  3. Have the skill to get control of people
  4. Break rules openly and shamelessly
  5. Manipulative and dishonest
  6. Usually, have a criminal record
  7. Hurt others for their own purpose and personal gains
Related Reading: Can Sociopaths Love

Sociopath symptoms in female

Sociopaths are too sharp, clever, and playful with the people around. It is not so easy to protect one from them.

The female sociopath checklist below will help you identify a sociopath.

  1. They have no empathy
  2. They are cold and self-centered
  3. Violate rights and hurt people easily
  4. They are control freaks and needs control
  5. They are risk takers
  6. They are deceitful and never true to anyone
  7. Do not fulfil promises
Related Reading: Traits of a Sociopath

Female sociopath traits

Sociopaths should not be considered as normal human beings.

They are the sufferers of mental disorder. They carry specific traits or behaviors.

These traits reflect their habits and their interaction with people that may help other people to recognize them, and stay away from them.

Related Reading: How to Spot a Sociopath

How to spot a female sociopath

Let’s see the traits of female sociopaths

  1. One of the traits is that they are not unaware of their surroundings
  2. They are rational and calculating
  3. Their behavior is a choice
  4. They do not have the ability to love someone, and neither be loved by someone
  5. They never care about people and their feelings as they have no empathy
  6. They do not learn from negative consequences
  7. They have a lack of conscience
  8. They are superficial

Related Reading: Sociopath vs Narcissist

Female Narcissist sociopath

Let’s see what a narcissist is before we discuss a female narcissist sociopath.

Narcissist and narcissism

A narcissist has extreme selfishness or great admiration regarding one’s own self, arising from failure to distinguish the self from external objects.

Such types of people lack empathy for others. They are recognized as self-centered or arrogant in society. They need all-time admiration. So, we may refer to narcissism as a mental disorder.

Related Reading: Dating a Narcissistic Sociopath

Narcissistic Personality Disorder (NPD)

NPD is a disorder in which an individual has the habit of bragging about their achievements and ignore others or exaggerate his own importance before others. They suffer from a mentality of self-superiority.

People with a narcissistic approach consider themselves superior. This behavior typically appears in adulthood. Individuals suffering from NPD have a habit of exaggerating about their own work or self-beauty.

A female narcissist sociopath may be quite difficult to handle. With all the traits and actions of a narcissist as well as sociopath, female narcissist sociopath can be very harmful to you if you are emotionally attached to her. She wants self-praise and admiration. Sociopaths have no empathy for others either. They lie about themselves and people.

The combination can be sickening!

Related Reading: Sociopath vs Psychopath

Female sociopath characteristics

While they are antisocial personalities, they have incredible social skills. This actually means that they have a sharp ability to learn social skills to fake being someone else.

They do this for their personal gains and purposes. They build relationships but for their own benefit; they have no feelings or exchange of feelings in them. They are more harmful than male psychopaths.

Related Reading: Living With a Sociopath

Actions of a female sociopath

Female sociopaths are too clever. They are patient enough and can hunt for their prey longer.

They are highly superficial and are naturally talented actors. Telling lies and breaking promises is not a big deal for them. They can betray their partners very easily. As clever species, they are masters in hiding their original or real personalities. They do not show their original personality as they are very conservative towards the people around.

Commonly, female sociopaths hunt for female or women as their victims. They love to see people suffer and can harm them easily. They are so self-centered and mean that they even use filthy ways to get their goals and personal benefit.

They want to win every time, and for this, they will pay any cost.

Related Reading: How to Deal With a Sociopath

How to deal with a female sociopath

You should not be afraid of a female sociopath. As you know their actions and symptoms, it will be easy for you to deal with female sociopaths. First of all, when you talk to them, be emotionally disengaged.

They have no emotions for you, so it is ok not to exchange any emotions with them. Secondly, they are not very nice to people, so you do not need to pay attention to behaving well before them. Build a transaction relationship. Minimize direct connection or interaction. Do not discuss your personal lives with them.

Related Reading: Can a Sociopath Change

As they are very sharp, they can figure out your weaknesses regarding your relations or life and use it for their benefits.


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5 Signs That You Are Married to a Sociopath Husband

In This Article

Has your relationship with your partner changed to an extent where you don’t know who he is anymore?

Do you often wonder – “Is my husband a sociopath?” or are searching for signs that you married a sociopath?

Then read on to find out what happens when a woman gets married to a sociopath husband and what can she do in such a situation.

Also Try: Am I Dating a Sociopath Quiz

Mark was the most amazing man KellyAnne had ever met—charming, articulate, seemed to sense her needs before she did, romantic to a fault, a passionate lover—with him she felt things she had never felt before, and at every level.

On the dating site where they met, Mark described himself as devoted, loyal, honest, interested in the arts and culture, a diehard romantic, and financially stable. He talked about his exploits as a traveler having climbed various peaks and visited numerous countries.

To KellyAnne, he was the embodiment of everything she had fantasized about since she was in her twenties.

Related Reading: Signs of a Sociopath

1. Initially, there were no red flags

After six months of dating, Mark moved in at her urging and the relationship intensified as he continued to be attentive, considerate, romantic and affectionate.

He traveled for work so was gone a few days every week. When he was away on work assignments, she felt a bit empty, mildly lonely, and she yearned for him: after all, he was an endless source of interesting conversation, laughter, wit and worldly knowledge. Because she saw him only a few days a week, each day he was home was an endorphin rush.

One month after moving in, he suggested they combine their finances. Although he made much made less than her, she considered this immaterial and readily agreed.

Four months after moving in, he asked her to marry him. She was elated and immediately said yes—she had found her soulmate, someone who got her, got her humor, her ideas, her love of nature, the arts and cultural events. She believed and told her friends that he “looks into my soul,” and her friends supported her after meeting him.

There appeared to be no red flags: her friends saw what she saw.

Related Reading: Can Sociopaths Love

2. He became aloof, irritable, and defensive

A few months after the wedding, however, slowly but steadily, she found her reality changing.

A distinct coldness and distance had set in with Mark and she began to sense that he was aloof, irritable, and defensive. She saw him becoming increasingly and deliberately manipulative to the point that she found herself questioning her perceptions, and memory of events and feelings.  

She felt as if she was frequently forced to question her instincts, ones she had relied on throughout her life, making her no longer trust her judgment, logic, reasoning and senses. But even at that time it never crossed her mind – “Is he a sociopath just making my life miserable?”

Related Reading: Living With a Sociopath

She described incidents where he would drink to intoxication (something he had never done prior to marriage) and would go into a rage, slamming kitchen cabinets and destroying her potted plants in the home. He would then blame her, telling her it was her fault he was angry.

If she only learned to treat him better, to listen to him, do as he asked, things would be better, he would adamantly pronounce. The triggers were unpredictable, as were his moods, and often she would not know who would be walking in the door at the end of the day—the loving affectionate man she met over a year ago, or the angry, argumentative and hostile man who now lived with her.

She often dreaded the evenings he would be home, primarily because of the “silent treatment” that she would have to weather for days if there had been an argument the day before.

Related Reading: Sociopath vs Psychopath

3. He attributed their conflicts to her “mental illness”

If she asked for affection, he would reject her and then tell her she was too needy and clingy. Their arguments and disagreements were, according to Mark, due exclusively to her irrationality, mental illness, “craziness” and misconceptions, and his behavior was designed to protect himself because she was not in her right mind and he needed to keep her in reality.

As the relationship deteriorated, she began to question her reality and even her sanity.

One of Mark’s most distressing strategies was to use a countering approach, where he would heatedly insist that KellyAnne was not remembering events correctly when in reality her memory was entirely accurate.

Another common tactic would consist of Mark blocking or diverting the subject matter of a conversation by questioning the validity of her thoughts and feelings, redirecting the conversation to the supposed lack of validity of her experience as opposed to addressing the issue at hand.

Related Reading: Dating a Narcissistic Sociopath

4. He raised his voice and cursed her

In other situations, she described him as pretending to forget things that occurred, or breaking promises he had made to her and then denying that he had ever made such promises.

If she questioned or was on point in a discussion, he would become belligerent, raise his voice, call her names (e. g., retard, idiot, crazy, delusional, mentally ill) and curse at her. Sometimes he would flip the conversation, turning it against her so that the real issue was obscured and whatever was the source of the argument was her fault.

In session she described feeling overwhelmed by his moods, engulfed by the size of his ego and controlling behaviors, manipulated into questioning her reality and judgment, and losing her sense of self.

She described a relationship with two sets of rules:

one set for him and one for her.

He would go out on weekends (often without telling her)

She needed permission to go to dinner with her best friend.

He would look through her text messages and question her if there was text from a male; however, his phone was password protected and always with him.

Related Reading: Traits of a Sociopath

Her feelings were dismissed, discounted as if they were irrelevant; she felt as if she did not matter and felt devalued because she was continually being accused of being delusional, needy and unreasonable.

From a financial perspective, he had stopped putting money into their joint account and in fact was irresponsibly spending money needed to pay off credit card debt, bills and rent.

If questioned on finances he would angrily deflect the conversation to how she did not keep the apartment clean, needed to make more money, or how she had bought “expensive” jewelry last month.

As his anger intensified, he would drink more, and he would blame her for “stirring the pot” and trying to start a fight by asking questions about finances. He blamed her for his drinking, stating that he drank to self-medicate because she drove him “crazy” with her incessant neediness and need to be right.

She started to wonder whether she was married to a sociopath husband.

Related Reading: Sociopath vs Narcissist

5. Being gaslighted

It had become a malicious game of mind control, intimidation and bullying. She was a pawn on his chessboard, as she described it, and was constantly “walking on eggshells”. She no longer felt loved, important, cared for or safe, and the man who took over her life as a knight-errant had devolved into a hostile, domineering and parasitic cad.

She was married to a sociopath husband.

Related Reading: How to Deal with Gaslighting 

Sociopaths are hard to detect and many can maintain the early charms, affection, attention and passion for months.

They hide in the most vulnerable, blind spot of our emotional and rational mind, taking advantage of this emotional vision loss and awareness in unpredictable ways. They hide between the walls of our mind and heart, in undetectable and subtle ways, slowly, and at times methodically, creating partitions within ourselves.

A relationship with a sociopath may be one of the most disturbing, traumatic and reality challenging experiences many partners will have.

The superficial charm, intelligence, self-assuredness and daring of the sociopath are, in the early days of getting to know them, sources of exhilaration and anticipation for their partners.

This layer of their persona masks the underbelly. By keeping the surface level activity in adrenaline charged motion, they disguise a deeper absence of genuine honesty, conscience, sincerity, and remorse.

Related Reading: How to Spot a Sociopath

Red flags to look for if you think you may be in a relationship with a Sociopath

There are some sociopath relationship signs or signs of a sociopath husband/sociopath wife that you can look out for and ways to understand how to deal with a sociopath husband:

  1. Sociopaths are masters of deception, influence and manipulation. Stories rarely have a factual basis, and who they proclaim to be rarely checks out—but they are highly skilled at creating a believable storyline, even when forced to do so on the spot.
  2. Following an argument, a sociopath will rarely give a contrite apology or show remorse. Instead, the responsibility for repairing the relationship will be on you. If you are married to a sociopath husband, your repair efforts will often be rebuffed or used against you as a sign that they are right.
  3. Mostly a sociopath husband or wife believes his/her own fabrications, and will go to great lengths to prove their point, even if it is groundless. Their need to prove that their lies are the truth will come at the price of your reality and psychological health. Essentially, over time, like Novacaine’s anesthetic effects slowly numbs your reality, their outlandish claims and assertions will have you questioning your sanity.
  4. They frequently use anger to control the conversation.
  5. They are skilled at deflection. An argument or discussion regarding a destructive behavior on their part can result in a quick distraction using any number of logical fallacies, such as:
  • Appeal to the stone: discounting your argument as illogical or even absurd simply because they say it is.
  • Appeal to ignorance: if you are married to a sociopath husband, any claim they make must be true because it cannot be proven as false, and any claim they state is false must be false because there is no proof that it is true.
  • Appeal to common sense: if they can’t see your point as true or realistic, then it must be false.
  • Argument with repetition: if an argument from the past resurfaces, they will claim it no longer matters because it’s an old issue and has been beaten to death. An old argument, because it’s old, and even if it hasn’t been resolved, is unimportant now because it’s in the past. However, if they raise an issue from the past, it automatically is relevant without question.
  • Argument from silence: if you are married to a sociopath husband, any absence of evidence to support your claim or position means it’s baseless. If you do provide evidence, it often means that the “goalpost” of the argument has to be moved by them in order to maintain control.
  • Ad hominem argument: your argument, even if based in reality and demonstrably true, is nonetheless invalid because you are crazy, irrational, too emotional, etc.
  • Ergo decedo: because you associate with someone he dislikes or hold ideas he rejects (e. g., you’re a republican or democrat, you belong to a certain group or religion), your argument is baseless and therefore does not merit real discussion.
  • Shifting the burden: if you are married to a sociopath husband or wife, you are required to prove all claims or assertions, but they are not. Further, even if you do prove the validity of your claim, it will be discounted through the use of another logical fallacy.
Related Reading: How to Deal With a Sociopath

Being “love-bombed” is a phrase often used by women who become involved with sociopaths or if a woman is married to a sociopath husband, at least in the early days.

This term highlights the superficial charm, charisma and passion that so frequently overwhelms their typical sense of caution while living with a sociopath husband or boyfriend. However, the real person underlying the charismatic exterior is one with a lack of conscience, shame/guilt or remorse, and limited genuine emotion.

The life of a sociopath is a well-crafted and strenuously defended lie, their compelling stories are but fabrications, and you end up as a pawn on the chessboard of their life.

But if they have such a problem with their partner, why do sociopaths get married?

The idea of a sociopath and marriage should not go together yet they get married. This is because they want someone committed to them, a person they can blame for everything. They also get married to create a positive image of themselves.

Related Reading: Divorcing a Sociopath

Therapy for sociopaths and those married to a sociopath husband

What to do if you are married to a sociopath husband? Sadly, for most sociopaths, therapy is not an option—self insight, self-honesty and self-responsibility, critical qualities for a successful therapeutic experience, are simply not part of the sociopath’s repertoire.

Couples therapy may result in a few behavioral changes, but these tend to be short-lived and disingenuous—lasting only long enough to “get the heat off” of the sociopathic husband.

Related Reading: Can a Sociopath Change

This is not to say that there is absolutely no hope for change in a sociopath; some will, at times, make changes that reduce the strain on their relationships. But it is the rare sociopath who can sustain such changes over a period of months or years.

7 clear signs that your man is a sociopath

"I'm not a psychopath, but a highly active sociopath ..." - the great detective Sherlock Holmes, played by Benedict Cumberbatch, said to himself. Is there a difference between a psychopath and a sociopath? Undoubtedly. Psychopathy and sociopathy are two facets of antisocial personality disorder. You can meet one or another form of the disorder in only 1-3% of the population. An interesting fact, but it is men who are most often subject to it. Therefore, if you want to check your friends for sanity, start with the guys. And if psychopathy is a congenital disorder, sociopathy is the result of trauma received in childhood, usually through abuse - physical or emotional. nine0007

People suffering from antisocial personality disorder, in particular psychopaths, are those whose behavior does not comply with generally accepted norms of morality. Such individuals often lack empathy, they do not know how to empathize. What about sociopaths? These people with a mental disorder react to stimuli with outbursts of violence or too emotionally. Examples of sociopaths in movies include The Joker in The Dark Knight, Sherlock Holmes in Sherlock, House in the series of the same name, and Alex in A Clockwork Orange. Let's look at seven signs that will help you recognize a sociopath. nine0007

A sociopath can play nice if he wants to.

Like psychopaths, sociopaths are good at imitating attractive personality traits. Photo © Shutterstock

Like psychopaths, sociopaths are great at imitating personality traits that attract others. And the widespread popularity of the "bad boy" image only helps to take root in society. Of course, until these people begin to show their true colors and scare loved ones with mood swings. In addition, experts often note the sexual attractiveness of a person with antisocial personality disorder. Sociopaths often engage in promiscuity. nine0007

Behaves too eccentrically and unpredictably

One of the distinguishing and brightest features of a sociopath. And even though he, like a psychopath, does not experience feelings, he is practically not able to control emotions. Such people can suddenly do spontaneous, inexplicable and often risky acts. The impulsiveness of actions betrays psychopathic suspects during the investigation. And although their behavior cannot be predicted, it is easy to bring out aggression and emotions. nine0007

Sociopath has almost no close relationships

Sociopaths are not able to build long-term emotional bonds with people. Photo © Shutterstock

If you remember, both Sherlock and House had only one true friend. The presented sociopathic heroes had neither family nor friends as such. And the Joker, for example, had a girl with a not very healthy psyche, and the antagonist himself wanted to kill his beloved, she was just lucky. In life, everything is more prosaic. People with the disorder have few acquaintances and almost no romantic relationships. And if there are still madmen who want to get close to a sociopath, they soon realize how feigned was the image they fell in love with. A person with an unhealthy psyche constantly makes scandals and tantrums, behaves emotionally unpredictably, and then blames the people around for all the sins, even if he himself is to blame. In addition, sociopaths are not capable of building long-term emotional bonds with people. nine0007

A sociopath is smart and quick-witted

The ability to adapt and disguise, sometimes show and say what is expected of you, requires a flexible mind. A sociopath is by no means a stupid person, most of them are very smart. Otherwise, they would not be able to maintain the image in such a way that they would be believed, as well as to navigate in enchanting lies, without getting confused and without making mistakes.

A sociopath does not particularly strive for career growth

Another distinguishing feature of people with this disorder is that they live in the present. Sociopaths don't care about tomorrow or the consequences of actions that come sometime in the future. For such individuals, there is only a goal and a path to it. They don't care if their actions hurt the feelings of others. Sociopaths will definitely not follow any generally accepted rules. They are generally thrown into anger by the need to obey or rely on some kind of laws. nine0007

For a sociopath, a lie is the second truth

Sociopaths are such skillful liars that it is incredibly difficult to distinguish truth from lies in their stories. Photo © Shutterstock

If you suddenly communicated with a sociopath, you can be sure: you do not know anything about this person. To relieve boredom, people with antisocial disorder embellish and lie about everything that has happened in their lives. They are such skillful liars that it is incredibly difficult to distinguish truth from lies in their stories, because everything is arranged in such a way that the picture is formed and no one doubts the words of a sociopath. nine0007

A sociopath is a skilled manipulator

Sociopaths are not only skilled liars, but they are also excellent at manipulating others. They do something imperceptibly: a person does not even understand how he got hooked. It is important for them to receive benefits, for which any means can be used. And sometimes sociopaths make plans involving several people or entire groups just for their own amusement.

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Especially dangerous persons, or Let's talk about sociopaths . But nothing. A sociopath is a subspecies of a psychopath, many researchers use these words as synonyms.

nine0078 It makes sense to refer to psychopaths all pronounced destructive people , whether it be a malignant narcissist, a sociopath or a paranoid.

Previously, sociopaths were called geboid psychopaths, antisocial psychopaths, then they began to be diagnosed with "antisocial personality disorder", now they call it dissocial. Otto Kernberg speaks of these people as "malignantly grandiose", Robert Haer as snakes in suits and devoid of conscience , other researchers call them unborn souls and human predators. Let's talk about these people who are considered the most dangerous of the aggressors. nine0007

The International Classification of Diseases (ICD-10) lists criteria for diagnosing a sociopath . You need to score at least three. These are:

- heartless indifference to the feelings of others, inability to empathize;

- distinct and persistent irresponsibility and disregard for social norms, rules and duties;

- inability to maintain stable relations in the absence of difficulties in establishing them;

- extremely low frustration tolerance and a low threshold for the appearance of aggressive, including violent behavior; nine0007

- lack of awareness of one's guilt or inability to learn from negative life experience, especially punishment;

- a pronounced tendency to blame others or offer plausible explanations for behavior that leads to conflict with society.

- additional symptom: constant irritability.

According to DSM-IV (American classification), the criteria are approximately the same:

- inability to comply with social norms, respect laws, manifested in their systematic violation, leading to arrests; nine0007

- hypocrisy, manifested in frequent lying, using pseudonyms, or deceiving others in order to gain benefits;

- impulsiveness or inability to plan ahead;

- irritability and aggressiveness, manifested in frequent fights or other physical confrontations;

- riskiness, without taking into account the safety for oneself and others;

- consistent irresponsibility, manifested in a repeated inability to maintain a certain mode of work, or to fulfill financial obligations; nine0007

- lack of regrets, manifested in rationalization or indifference to harming others, mistreating others, or stealing from other people.


For those who absolutely need to distinguish sociopaths from narcissists, I will say that any pronounced narcissist is sociopathic by definition. Yes, he usually does not violate social norms as clearly as some (not all!) sociopaths, but the sociopathic essence of a narcissist is already manifested in evading child support, driving while drunk or, for example, blackmailing victims with intimate photos, leaking commercial information competitors, etc. nine0079

And these are only external manifestations of anti-sociality, which are condemned in society. If we evaluate the immorality that permeates the entire narcissistic being, and which leaves an imprint on all his actions, but which is hidden from the naked eye, the sociopathic nature of the narcissist is beyond doubt.

There is a close relationship between psychopathic and narcissistic states, ,” writes Nancy McWilliams. - Both types of character reflect a subjectively empty inner world and the dependence of self-esteem on external events. nine0079

Some theorists place psychopathy and narcissism in the same dimension, which is characterized as narcissistic; the psychopath is seen as the pathological end of the narcissistic continuum.

I think that antisocial and narcissistic people are different enough to have their own continuum for each type. Most sociopathic people are not characterized by repetitive idealization, and most narcissistic characters are not subject to omnipotent control . However, many people have some of the features of both types, and each of them is characterized by inflation of his own "I", writes McWilliams.

As you can see, the nuances are almost indistinguishable and do not play any role for non-specialists, since both the sociopath and the narcissist are comprehensively dangerous, and these disorders are not subject to correction .

"Trick" everyone

The motive that drives a sociopath through life is to "trick", "trick" everyone. He has a need to constantly assert his power . This allows the sociopath to maintain the illusion of his grandiosity, omnipotence, on which the shaky structure of his personality balances.

The sociopath's psychological defense is the so-called omnipotent control. If a sociopath fails to assert his power, he has a feeling of anxiety, danger (after all, if he didn’t “do”, then they will “do” him!), he gets angry. In fact, at this moment he feels defenseless, totally defenseless, and this is unbearable for him. nine0007

Sociopaths usually have high self-esteem—it's no coincidence that Kernberg calls them malignantly grandiose. A sociopath looks at others with at least contempt, which can easily, in seconds, be able to flare up with hatred.

But sociopaths also experience a kind of insignificance when they fail to assert their power - especially if this happens time after time. Psychic protection fails, their grandiose self-image fluctuates, and they rush to restore it. How? Of course, violence. The other way is unfamiliar to them. nine0007

“Anyone whose self-images reflect unrealistic ideas of superiority; he who avoids the obvious fact that he is only human will try to restore self-respect through the exercise of power," , writes Nancy McWilliams.

A sociopath (and indeed any aggressor) views all relationships as a hierarchy. For him there is only "passive" and "active" - ​​partnership is incomprehensible and inaccessible in principle . If it is not possible to assert power by violence, the predator occupies a lower place in the hierarchy and waits for an opportunity to be at the top again. nine0007

Covert and overt

Sociopaths can be "overt" and "undercover". The "explicit" ones behave frankly destructively and even flaunt it - for example, the hero of "Mechanical Orange" (in the title photo).

But an obvious sociopath is not necessarily an outright renegade and scumbag. He can wear the mask of an eccentric, "non-systemic" person, a personality of "broad", "progressive" views. For example, the immoral way of life of Maria Polozova (“Spring Waters”) or Vicomte de Valmont is no secret to anyone, but they do not receive large-scale social condemnation that would force them to go “underground”. nine0007

Helen Bezukhova is so impenetrable and outwardly "decent" in her immorality that she manages to gaslight the entire high society , doing absolutely nothing for this. Only one Marya Dmitrievna Akhrosimova calls a spade a spade and, going up to Helen at the ball, rudely says to her: “It seems that now they have begun to marry from a living husband?” (from memory)

At the same time, Peer Gynt (pictured below), behaving eccentrically and “out of the system”, after one of the tricks (taking away from the wedding and seducing someone else's bride), fellow villagers are expelled from the village. nine0007

"Secret" sociopaths, on the other hand, fiercely observe the so-called mask of social normality . These are the most dangerous and often the most seductive predators. Let us recall the Marquise de Merteuil, who is known in the world as the standard of chastity and high morality. Let's remember the "charismatic killer" Ted Bundy, who was remembered by many as a charming, benevolent guy. Who would have thought that this charmer, who successfully worked on the telephone support line for victims of domestic violence, brutally kills women?! nine0007

“If among the English they decided to find an absolutely happy person who had nothing more to wish for, the competition committee would most likely choose Neville Strange, ,” writes Agatha Christie about the cruel and prudent killer in the novel Zero Hour.

This man was well known to the British public as a first-class tennis player and generally versatile athlete. True, he never played in the Wimbledon final, but he confidently held on for several qualifying rounds, and even became a semi-finalist in mixed doubles. His sports hobbies were, perhaps, too diverse for him to become a tennis champion. He was an excellent golfer, an excellent swimmer, and made some serious climbs in the Alps. nine0140

At thirty-three, he had enviable health, good looks, a lot of money, an absolutely exceptionally beautiful wife, whom he had recently married, and, apparently, did not know worries and worries in life.

A secret sociopath can become obvious if he no longer needs to hide aggression if, for example, it becomes socially approved . For example, the "night porter" Max in civilian life wears a mask of social normality, but under the fascist regime he reveals his "talents". Juliette, the heroine of the Marquis de Sade, shows her mental defect on a grand scale when her “self-expression” is approved and sponsored by persons in power. nine0007

Eric Bern distinguishes the latent (passive) and active sociopath. Latent "behaves most of the time quite decently, accepting the guidance of some external authority, such as religion or law, or becoming attached at times to some stronger personality, considered as an ideal."

The active sociopath is “devoid of both internal and external delays. If he can pacify himself for a while and put on a mask of integrity (especially in the presence of people who expect decent and responsible behavior from him), but as soon as he is out of reach of persons authoritative for him who demand good behavior, he immediately ceases to restrain himself. nine0007

I'm bored, demon

A sociopath, unlike a narcissist, is considered an absolutely conscious manipulator. This person tells you “I love you”, knowing full well that he is lying - in contrast to the narcissist, who, in moments of idealization, may think that he is really in love, albeit superficially and fleetingly. But to me, it makes no difference, and you shouldn't think narcissists are "better" than sociopaths on that basis.

The soul of a sociopath is dead. In fact, she was not born. nine0079 Therefore, , in order to feel alive, he resorts to various dangerous things, likes to tickle his nerves. That is why he often looks dashing, brave and even heroic.

The psychopath Dolokhov ("War and Peace") initiates duel after duel, as if not fearing that he might be killed. But where does his prowess go when Pierre Bezukhov wounds him! Nikolai Rostov is amazed to the depths of his soul when he sees Dolokhov sobbing and, as it were, “softened”. But soon this "sensitive" person, supposedly doting on his old mother and hunchbacked sister, prudently brings his "friend" to ruin. nine0007

A psychopath does not feel the joy that a normal person would feel when listening to their favorite opera, pedaling through a pine-smelling forest, kissing a loved one, carving a part, making a stool, or collecting material for a future book. He definitely needs something "invigorating", "adrenaline": make a turn on a plane under a bridge, dive into a crevice between glaciers, steal someone else's bride (Pechorin, Peer Gynt, Anatole Kuragin) . This - and also hatred, rage - at least briefly revive him. nine0007

* “Seryozha was very fond of demonstrative behavior “with an adrenaline rush,” says a reader. - Deceived me to have sex on the side of the freeway. In public places. In the bus. I regard it as self-destructive with demonstrativeness. Well, with showing your sense of superiority, spitting on society, on my feelings, dominating and humiliating me.

I assembled a motorcycle from what the gods sent. This monster of Frankenstein traveled with the help of such and such a mother, not otherwise. Because it was assembled from several Soviet old bikes. Half of the wiring did not work, oil flowed into the brakes, the footboard fell off and scraped along the ground, the battery was tied with a rope. And he drove it for a hundred. He didn't even have a helmet for himself, let alone a passenger one. nine0007

He liked to drink on occasion and play pranks in a drunken stupor. Ride a car / motorcycle, fight, go swimming in the river in the cold .

The psychopath is absolutely unreliable, although he promises extremely plausibly seven miles to heaven. But taking what he needs (a golden strainer, a chair from the Gumbs collection, a jar of jam, a dish of meatballs), without the slightest regret leaves you in debt, dying and with seven shops. No conscience gnaws at him - it does not show signs of life at all. nine0079

Not all psychopaths behave seductively. There are frankly unpleasant people among them, and there are many of them. For example, Iago (Othello), who is in eternal malice and does not hide this. The self-satisfied and tough background Koren, calling for the destruction of "germs" in the person of some representatives of humanity ("Duel" by Chekhov). Some Kabanikhs and Wild (Thunderstorm by Ostrovsky).

Disgusting to a normal person is the “great orator” Hitler, who spurts with hatred. But even such “obvious” psychopaths, with all the immorality of their actions, often cause people not so much disgust as exalted admiration and awe. nine0007

The most dangerous psychopaths can be totally charismatic, that is, they can spread their spell not only on a specific victim, but also on large groups of people.

But even those sociopaths who do not consider it necessary to seduce everyone are able to turn on their manipulative charm and literally blind a potential victim. That's why you should be very alarmed by the "magnetic", hypnotically charming people . Not to say that they are all psychopaths, but with a high degree of probability it is. nine0007

Children in the basement played Gestapo

Sociopathy blooms in a double flower in childhood. Little sociopath constantly lies, steals money from parents, skips school, runs away from home, tries alcohol and drugs early. He can terrorize peers, up to and including murder. Sociopathic children are portrayed by Agatha Christie in the novels Crooked House and Zero Hour. For example, the brilliant and impeccable Nevil Strange committed his first murder at the age of six. nine0007

“Two children played with a bow and arrow, one child sent an arrow that hit another in the vital center, death occurred. An investigation was scheduled, the surviving child was in complete shock, condolences followed over the accident, everyone sympathized with the perpetrator of the deed.

But this story has another side. A certain farmer some time before the incident (...) noticed a child practicing archery. It is these preparations that are bad. nine0078 A child with a murderous intent in his soul secretly fills his hand day after day from everyone, then waits for the right moment - an awkward shot, a catastrophe, feigned grief, despair. It all sounds incredible - so incredible that in court they most likely would not even listen to it.

A maturing sociopath "masters" all new types of violence. Some gravitate toward sexual violence and murder, others choose the path of fraud, others become leaders of destructive cults...

Of course, most sociopaths swim much more shallowly. But they pose no less of a threat to society. These are drunken reckless drivers, malicious non-payers of alimony, people with “uncommon lightness in thoughts”, fluttering from woman to woman, overgrown “infants” living on the money of parents and partners .

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