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How Do Men and Women Differ in How They View Sex?

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Understanding Differences

Dennis and Barbara Rainey

·6 min read

We believe that sex is a beautiful, God-given desire that can bring a husband and wife together in oneness. We also believe sex is a thermometer that measures the depth of the relationship—its presence or absence often indicates the level of commitment and intimacy in other areas of your marriage. For sex to be truly satisfying to both partners, each has to risk being totally open and vulnerable to the other. Each person in the marriage should feel needed, wanted, accepted and loved sacrificially. And one of the keys to building this type of relationship is understanding the general differences between men and women in how they view sex. These differences cause certain expectations on the part of men and women that often lead to misunderstanding, frustration, and disappointment. The chart that follows is a general guide to the differences between men and women in this area. Obviously, this chart is not absolute comparison—it compares the general tendencies and differences between men and women and how they view sex.

Differences in Sexuality

	Men	Women

ORIENTATION	Physical Compartmentalized Physical oneness Variety Sex is high priority	Relational Wholistic Emotional oneness Security Other priorities may be higher

STIMULATION	Sight Smell Body centered	Touch Attitudes Actions Words Person-centered

NEEDS	Respect Admiration Physically needed Not to be put down	Understanding Love Emotionally needed Time

SEXUAL RESPONSE	Acyclical Quick excitement Initiates (usually) Difficult to distract	Cyclical Slow excitement Responder (usually) Easily distracted

ORGASM	Propagation of species Shorter more intense Physically oriented Orgasm usually needed for satisfaction	Propagation of oneness Longer, more in depth Emotionally-oriented Satisfaction often possible without orgasm

How much of what you read in this chart is true of your own sexual relationship with your spouse? When we read through information like this, we are reminded of how God takes a man and woman with such different needs and uses those differences to complement each other—to create a “one flesh” relationship. Most men tend to focus on the physical aspects of a relationship. They are stimulated, drawn, captivated by the sight of their wife. They get excited or at least interested quickly by visual or physical stimulation. Most men can be ready for physical intimacy in minutes. Once sexual release is in the forefront of his mind, it becomes dominant in his focus. Men at this point are ready to move ahead with the process of seeking sexual release through intercourse. Generally, men put a much higher priority on sex than women do, and women have a different orientation that demands a different approach. A woman is more oriented to the relationship. A man wants physical oneness; the woman desires emotional oneness. Sight, smell, and the body stimulate a man. Touch, attitudes, actions, words, and the whole person stimulate the woman. A man needs respect, admiration, to be needed physically, and respect. The woman needs understanding, love, to be needed emotionally, and time to warm up to the sexual act. The man’s sexual response is acyclical, which means any time, anywhere. The woman’s response is cyclical, which means she goes through times when she is more interested in sex than others. A man responds sexually by getting excited quickly, while the woman is much slower. During sex, a man is single-minded, while his wife might be easily distracted wondering about the children, the doors, the noise outside, or other minor things going on around them. The last major difference is the release or orgasm. Most of the time a man’s sexual release will be relatively short, intense, and intensely physical. This should not trouble a wife; God made your husband this way. You see, this intensity was not meant to impede a relationship, but to enhance and strengthen it. One result of this powerful sexual release is a sense of closeness that a husband feels toward his wife. Even if he does not express it, God has put it in his very nature. He is drawn to his wife in a way that meets this most personal of needs. Husbands will create conflict in a relationship when they focus on the physical side of sex and forget that the woman needs the relationship. And wives often fail to understand how a man’s self-image is vitally linked to his sexuality. Many wives express that they are offended because their husbands are such sexual creatures. This attitude communicates rejection to a man. To ignore his sexual needs, to resist his initiation of sex, or merely to tolerate his advances is to tear at the heart of his self-esteem. We encourage you to pray together about your sexual relationship. Pray for yourselves, that you each will be selfless. Ask God to give you the wisdom and strength to meet each other’s needs. The Holy Spirit can guide you and lead you to be a better lover. Now you may say, “the Holy Spirit wants to help me be a better lover?” Absolutely! Husbands, I would encourage you to pray aloud for your wife during the “afterglow”—after you have shared in love together. What finer moment than to say, “Lord Jesus, thank you for this woman you’ve given me. Thank you for what we have just enjoyed together, thank you for her, thank you for her love, and thank you for her trust in me as a man.” That’s got to make your wife feel nourished, cherished, and loved which is what this is all about. Sexual response for you and your spouse is a learned experience. God wants you to learn together how to please each other and experience this incredible act of oneness that He reserved for marriage. Even if you have been uninformed of the differences between men and women, and have experienced some pain as a result, God can and will redeem this aspect of your marriage as you seek Him and apply His truth to your lives. Commit yourselves to learn God’s ways and plan for marriage and your sexual relationship.

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How Important Is Sex for a Man

In This Article

While most women let emotional connection take precedence over a physical connection, for men sex is one of the many ways he shows love.

Men and sex

Contrary to the popular belief that attributes men’s hunger for sex as selfish, men look at sex as a path to reach mutual satisfaction, render pleasure and thrill to their partner and improve as a lover.

However, the straight and crisp answer to “how important is sex for a man” is that sex is one of the most crucial reasons why men want to be in a relationship in the first place.

It sounds shallow but men are wired in a way that sex or the prospect of sex makes them attracted to a woman. Love comes into the picture well after the attraction episode.

You might wonder why it is that men care so much about sex. Or why is sex so important to men? Women have wondered for years why this always proves to be one of the most important aspects of any relationship.

Though sex matters to women at first, when they get comfortable in a relationship or when there are other things going on in the dynamic, then sex is often the first thing to go.

In most cases, this will NEVER happen for a man, and there are deeper reasons for this than you might expect. There is a multitude of reasons why sex in a marriage is so important to men, and why it always will be.

Men need to have sex in a relationship because it shows strength

To understand the importance of sex in a marriage, you have to look at this from a male point of view, and that may be hard at times.

Women need the romance, the passion, and the chemistry to tell her that the love is alive and going well.

Women need to be loved and cherished, and this is often through verbal signs of affection. Men, on the other hand, are very straightforward and almost primal in their needs.

The importance of sex for men is different than a women’s as men need to have sex in a relationship because it shows strength and unity.

Though sex may at times be just another chore for women, this will never be the case for men, men need sex. This is how men see that the relationship is alive and strong, and when that is missing he starts to panic.

He needs sex to ensure that you are happy together and that you are both getting what you need out of the relationship with one another.

Why is sex so important to men?

Importance of sex for men lies in the fact that sex matters to men in any relationship, and now you can understand exactly why that is—understanding the importance of sex can really ensure that you keep this as a priority to show him that you love him and care about your relationship!

Here’s why sex is important to men in a marriage

Sex is the way men connect

Relationships and sex are not mutually exclusive. If you want to know how men think about sex in a relationship, then think of it as the one thing that keeps you connected.

No matter what else is going on or how far apart you may feel at times, sex is what unites you. It shows him that you make him a priority and that you will always care about how he feels.

Why is sex so important in a relationship?

It really is that important to him and so when he sees that you are making sex in a relationship a priority, he will stay committed to you and know that you feel the same way about him. He needs this connection, for it’s less about just physical intimacy and more about staying strong as a couple in a way that he really understands and appreciates. This is why sex is so important to men.

Sex is a way to stay close

How important is sex to a healthy relationship?

Even if you have a fight, you may use sex to reiterate that connection. In his mind, you are showing that you are close to one another when you are physical with one another.

The importance of sex in marriage is paramount because it is a pathway to build an emotional intimacy too. This is your connection, this is your bond, and this is how you show that you love each other.

The importance of sex in marriage cannot be undermined if you are looking at creating a lasting bond with your partner and enhance the happiness in your relationship.

Sure words are nice, but this very physical act helps him to see that things are good that you understand the importance of sex for men and that you are happy with one another.

He needs that reassurance, and he needs to have sex in a relationship to show that you are a well-aligned couple.

When the sex is good and it’s present, then he can move forward knowing that he has a partner and that makes him happy. That should answer the question, “why is sex so important to men?”

The importance of sex in a relationship to him means that there is a true bond present and it’s alive and kicking!

Sex is a way to unite

Sex in a relationship means that this is how you unite, even when everything else is stressful or you have a disagreement.

You as a woman may not understand it but if sex isn’t present then he’s immediately concerned and knows that something is wrong. It helps him to see that everything is really okay and that he can look at you as a partner in the long term.

Other key facts on why sex is so important for men

The male ego is often tied to sex

A man’s ego can be very fragile. The importance of sex in marriage cannot be underlined enough as being able to sexually satisfy their spouse greatly panders to a man’s ego.

Why sex is important is because most often sex is tied to his ego since that is what motivates him, keeps him going.

Why men love sex? It is important for him to please his woman and if she dismisses bedroom problems constantly, then he may take it very personally. If you have intimacy issues, talk about it (in a manner that won’t hurt his ego) with him. Men do appreciate honesty as well.

Men see sex as a celebration

Men wish women would take more of a ‘carpe diem’ approach to sex. On the long list of our priorities, sex should not be on the bottom rung.” says Dr. Schaefer. The importance of sex has always been primitive to most men.

Men want women to make sex a priority.

Sure, in a marriage, there could be loads of other important tasks and decisions to be made on a daily basis. But, for the health and longevity of the relationship, sex must always be prioritized.

Why men need sex? Sex brings with it a plethora of health benefits. And if you consciously do that by scheduling sex, think of the other benefits that will enhance a man’s overall well-being: sex alleviates anxiety and stress, reduces blood pressure, promotes healing and bonding.

Men love fantasies

Why is sex important in a relationship for both men and women?

Men want to share their fantasies but worry their wives will shame or judge them,” says Dr. Kort.

Encourage your man to speak his heart out to you. Why stick to the same old routine day after day? Ask him what excites him and then go with the flow.

Instead of worrying about, “why do men want sex so much”, you can even reveal your own fantasies with him and open yourself to these possibilities.

Men love sex for sex’s sake

Why sex is important? The importance of sex for men is irreplaceable as it is a pleasurable act for both that significantly boosts intimacy between a couple.

Why do men need sex? “Men want their wives to enjoy raw sex, not just endure it or take it personally. For men, it’s not about dominating a woman, but ravishing her” says Joe Kort, Ph.D., a psychotherapist, and sexologist. What’s best, then? At times, enjoy some ‘throw-me-down’ sex with your man!

Men love praise

Men are no different from women when it comes to compliments! When you compliment your man, it boosts his sexual confidence.

How important is sex in a relationship?

Sexual bliss is a great booster in a relationship. When you are sexually satisfied, and you praise your partner for performing well between the sheets, you contribute hugely to their sense of self-worth, while also cementing your bond. That also goes on to answer the pertinent question, why men need sex and what makes a man good in bed.

This praise can be showered before and after your intimate moments. Men are conditioned to constantly worry about things like size, performance and the like. That’s a lot of pressure on them. When you praise your man in bed he will be willing to help you enjoy the experience as much as possible, even if it means sacrificing some of his own pleasure.

However, when you share positive affirmations with him, it not only takes the pressure off but lets him know that you deeply love and care for him too.

How important is intimacy in a relationship?

To satiate the carnal desires of two individuals in a relationship, and display affection, couples need to underscore the importance of a physical relationship.

Is sex important in a relationship?

On how important is sex in a long term relationship when there is none or limited sex in relationships, there could be other underlying relationship problems. So if you are in a long-term relationship, watch out for any signs of a dwindling sex life.

No matter what else is going on, your man can look for sex in a relationship with you and know that he will always have that with you—this is how you remain united and bridge the gap even if there is a temporary setback.

On how important is sex to a man in a relationship, he cares about you and he wants to show you that in a physical manner. Also, to cement emotional bonding with a man, it is crucial to understand and accept the importance of sex in a relationship.

The importance of sex for men manifests in both the emotional and physical aspects of a relationship.

That’s how important is sex in a relationship, as sex is a demonstrative action for both physical and mental intimacy that you share with your spouse.

This is how he does that, so remember the importance of sex for men and that sex will always be of great importance to your relationship!

Stages of development of relations between a man and a woman //Psychological newspaper

Search, recognition, satisfaction of needs, exchange, accumulation and bestowal - mature people almost immediately find themselves at the stage of giving, "in a royal position" . ..

Relying on the well-known position of K.-G. Jung about the duality of the human psyche, which manifests itself in the fact that the psyche of a man includes not only the masculine, but also the feminine principle (animus), and the psyche of a woman includes not only the feminine, but also the masculine principle (animus), it can be assumed that the masculine and feminine in inner space are not only in the active process of being, but also more or less successfully interact with each other.

The relationship between the male and female principles in the inner world is mirrored in the stages of development of the relationship between a real man and a woman.

1 . The initial stage in the development of relations is stage search . It consists in the process of searching for reflections of your inner male and female parts in real people - representatives of the opposite sex.

In fairy tales, the search for male heroes is their famous campaign for happiness, the search for adventure. For heroines, this is the selection of suitors, classically arranged by kings for their daughters. These plots reflect the healthy canons of search activity: men themselves win their happiness, this happens in competitions, struggles, overcoming themselves and various obstacles. Women, on the other hand, receive the groom who won the competition arranged by her father, that is, the groom approved by the father, which indicates the most important moment in the transfer of paternal responsibility to the chosen one of the daughter. Thus, fairy tales teach that a woman's search experience should be carried out under the wing of a father's protective function, the patronage of a strong man, and those who test a woman's future chosen one should be, first of all, her father.

Since today many women are being formed in the absence of full-fledged father protection, the protective paternal function may well be performed by healthy masculine principle of woman, initiated (developed) to a well-functioning internal paternal protective principle.

The decline of the paternal function in modern Western society has led to the fact that today the stage of a conscious search for a partner is preceded by a more unconscious kind of search activity. It can be distinguished as the zero stage of the search. We named her flesh . We are talking about a deliberately depersonalized process of satisfaction by people of their sexual needs, although these relationships never reach complete depersonalization. Any, even the most fleeting contacts between a man and a woman, have infinite depth. The denial of this depth serves the immature person only as an attempt to protect himself from the fear of rejection and from a vague sense of his incompetence in the field of relationships.

A high level of such competence is typical only for a mature person. The maturity of the male phenomenon (both internal and external) is especially important here. When the masculine reaches maturity, it ascends to the stage of fatherhood, which is a reflection of the divine paternal principle. Therefore, the connection is obvious: to the extent that real fathers emotionally ignore their children, their maturing children are deprived of the spiritual experience of relationships to the same extent.

The bodily stage is dictated by instinctive motives, which, in the absence of paternal protection, act as an archaic mechanism of procreation that has been exposed. The instinctive nature of the zero stage of the search also contains a very specific spiritual goal: to find your true half through some kind of “sexual testing”. The bodily stage of the search is common not only among young people, but also among people of other age groups, when they are directly or implicitly engaged in the search for a "life partner".

Everyone who has experienced the collapse of relationships, as well as married men and married women who are experiencing family, age and other personal crises, return to the search stage. Unmarried men and women live in a state of search without always being fully aware of it. An obsessive search for a partner is a sign of a certain immaturity of the individual. This statement suggests a simple conclusion: the initiation of the maturation of the personality brings relief from the compulsion of seeking.

At step of the search , often marriages are made and children are born. However, to achieve harmonious relations, search motives alone are not enough. In the process of searching, its participants strive primarily for such an important emotional component of relations as recognition. As soon as recognition is carried out, the relationship moves to the next, higher stage of development.

2. The essence of relationships at the stage of recognition is that a man and a woman, as it were, recognize each other as their own domestic male and female .

Meeting a person who sufficiently reflects certain features of the inner male and female aspects of our personality brings a state of special delight. This is the well-known period falling in love , which in the analytical sense can be considered as the moment of successful “projection ejection”. At this stage, for the first time partners really find and recognize male and female parts of your soul in each other. A man finds in his beloved features of his inner woman that are significant for him, and a woman finds in her chosen one an aspect of her inner man that is especially relevant for the development of her femininity. It is noteworthy that at first the ideal aspects of the male and female projections are “thrown out” onto the partners. But as the relationship develops further, more and more traumatized fragments of the anima (feminine in a man) and animus (masculine in a woman) are “thrown out”, those that require healing in the first place. Fortunately, partners with cosmic precision contain in the inner world a sufficient number of suitable for each other, both ideal and damaged fractals of male and female. It follows that any final separation indicates that the personal "mirror" of the partners ceases to take place to the extent that is necessary to maintain their union. In other words, they cease to be reflections for each other due to the fact that the structure of the personality of one of them changes at a rate different from the rate of change of the other.

In fairy tales recognition of (falling in love) corresponds to the moment of the plot when meeting of beautiful heroes takes place. Falling in love, which is usually symbolized by the magical, wonderful acquaintance of the characters, is only the initial, starting point of the relationship. In the language of fairy tales and myths, the experience of collective consciousness tells us that the moment of the meeting of a man and a woman is not sufficient to conclude a harmonious union. Therefore, separating forces soon invade the paired space of the heroes in love, and the blessing characters sooner or later show them the way to overcome obstacles.

So, lovers always have a whole series of tests , which means the need to go through a number of stages in the development of relationships. Climbing the "ladder of relationships" is an inevitable work, and only by climbing these sacred steps, a man and a woman achieve joint happiness.

3. The stage (stage) of recognition is replaced by stage of satisfaction of unmet needs . This is a period of healing of internal traumas, living those "missed" stages of personal development, where the children's needs of partners were not satisfied or insufficiently satisfied, and in connection with this, certain psychological deficits and "holes in the Self" were formed (G. Ammon). These include the early childhood desire for unconditional love (love me for who I am), when the baby needs complete and absolute acceptance, understanding and timely care and participation. Deficiency of the Self can refer to the sphere of bodily, creative and other needs. At the stage of satisfaction of needs, a man and a woman involuntarily and passionately expect from their partner those actions, actions and feelings that they did not expect or did not receive enough from their own parents in childhood.

The “mirroring” of reflections of a man and a woman in each other that is present here is also explained by the fact that each of the partners actually contains in the structures of his personality a rich potential to satisfy (or pseudo-satisfy) the unsatisfied needs of the other.

Often the unconscious principle of "satisfaction from the opposite" is used here. For example, if a woman was rejected by her father or mother as a child, she finds a man who will reject her. In the course of such relationships, a woman finally gets the opportunity, not realized in childhood, to throw all her strength into ensuring that she is still recognized “by all means!”. In this case, a woman manifests a hypertrophied childish need to recognize not only the significance of her personality, but also to recognize her femininity. If satisfaction does not occur or it is not enough, the relationship between a man and a woman can get stuck at this stage. A simple example of such a stuckness is the vicious circle of parting-reconciliation in relations with dependent (alcoholism, drug addiction) partners.

A man, who has not been able to psychologically separate from his mother and does not have a healthy male model in the person of his father, strives for a relationship with an authoritarian woman. His main unconscious motive is the desire to defeat her and free himself from her controlling influence. The illusion of victory and liberation is given not only by alcoholism and drug addiction, but also by workaholism, as well as other infantile forms of behavior based on the avoidance of responsibility for relationships: spiritual, material, sexual, and others.

On the other hand, partners at the same time expect and demand from each other absolute love and unconditional acceptance, which they have lacked since childhood. Since the stage of satisfaction of needs has the character of mutual dependence, and the latter, as a form of captivity, always causes a desire to be free, such relationships hide large reserves of repressed aggression, which breaks out from time to time.

Thus, at the stage of satisfaction of needs, a man and a woman, like babies, strive for "absorption". They want receive, absorb, imbibe missing love and acceptance not only from each other, but also from parent families and even family branches of each other. They are ruled by an acute desire to saturate their Self as much as possible, to fill its voids, that is, to get everything that is possible from some large undifferentiated object of the “parent world” (“primary group”), the relationship with which once led to a feeling of an equally acute deficit. in the field of the emerging I. The unconscious greedily “discovers” this “large nourishing object” in the partner.

The symbolism of fairy tales contains an indication of a direct way out of the “imprisonment in the dungeon” of unsatisfied needs. This is the symbolism of battles with villains - internal traumas, split off aggression, etc. This is the period of the struggle with the dark aspects of the personality for the liberation of the miracle of female nature, full of healing powers. In other words, in order to liberate the fabulous beauty - the treasure of the highest femininity - it is necessary to overcome the whole complex of internal imperfections contained in the damaged areas of the male and female principles.

With a lack of resources in the field of the protective function of the male and the restoring forces of the female, partners during this period may experience depression, psychosomatic disorders and painful breaks in relationships.

If a man and a woman overcome the stage of satisfaction of needs, having managed to saturate the deficits in the Self (having received the necessary recognition from the partner and his family, and also - due to their social successes or - directly working on changes in personality, etc. ), the relationship rises to the next step - exchange stage .

4. In step of exchange , projection release sufficiently occurs. Partners gain the ability to see each other as real people, and not fragments of their inner virtues, imperfections, or fragments of family figures from childhood. Relatively autonomous and integral, mostly freed from dependence, partners now naturally complement each other, each feeling their own value for themselves and for the other. At this stage, parting is not too painful, and creating together becomes more productive than ever before. A man and a woman exchange their specific qualities and properties: he gives her his strength and protection, she gives him healing support and care. They are already able to easily perceive each other as they are, they can already admire (“Oh, what (what) you are wonderful (s)!”), And not be proud (“Look what (what) value I have!” ) to each other, as in the previous step. Each is able to recognize and appreciate the reality of the other, different from his own, and its inevitable changes.

The internal union between the male and female parts of the personality at this stage of the relationship is already concluded and bears fruit . The sacred male and female forces of any of the partners, having united to a sufficient extent, as a universal generator, now “produce” in the inner world all the energies necessary for happiness and personal development. This is the secret of healthy spiritual independence of mature partners.

In fairy tales, this corresponds to the final to marital union many experienced heroes. The outside world no longer poses serious threats to their relationship; it is common for such an alliance, as a whole, to enter into bold contacts with society. Relations here are distinguished by the presence of healthy boundaries between the couple and the outside world, an accurate perception of physical time, the real responsibility of partners to each other and in relation to external phenomena. Here the opportunity to build your life and the life around you in accordance with your plans and dreams is most fully manifested, to be the cause of what is happening, to be yourself.

5. Relationships exchange at subsequent stages lead to the accumulation of huge internal resources and the emergence of a need to give one's strength and experience, to give love and excess of vital energy not only to each other, but also to the world. Therefore, we called this stage of relations the stage of giving .

Such a high level in the development of relations is not necessarily achieved in the final period of the joint life of a man and a woman, although it represents a significant spiritual peak. If a new relationship enters mature man and woman, they can immediately be at the stage of giving.

Getting into the emotional atmosphere of a couple who has reached this stage, people feel “at home”, more clearly feel their own value in their presence, and invariably receive an impetus to further development from communication with such a couple. Moreover, this happens regardless of how the participants in the interaction are aware of these processes. Relationships at the stage of giving are distinguished by the ability of a mature couple to automatically harmonize the world around, change it in a creative direction, create something new and broadcast it outside.

The stage of giving can be symbolically described not only as a married couple, safely nurturing numerous grandchildren and great-grandchildren, but also as a couple owning an eternally fruitful garden. Figuratively speaking, the canning of vegetables and fruits has already reached such a scale that, due to the cans filling the house, there is nowhere to put your foot. In this situation, distributing supplies to others is a natural urgent need, the only way out, the only way to keep the house in order and comfort.

In symbolic language, this corresponds to the moment of the fairy tale plot, when the heroes united in a happy union reach the royal position at the end of the story: concluding a marital union, the fairy-tale bride and groom become King and Queen.

***

Considering the stages of relationship development, it is easy to see how great the healing power of the relationship process itself is for the spiritual development of both a man and a woman, and their offspring.

It is important to note that often relationships in married couples have the characteristics of several stages at once. The conditional division of the process of evolution of relationships into stages is a convenient way to analyze and comprehend this process, and in life it proceeds in the same way as the flowering of plants: some are already fading, others are just beginning to bloom, but at certain periods we can see flowers of both those and other plants at the same time..

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Man and woman: friendship or a trap?

Psychologist's answers to the eternal question - is friendship between a man and a woman possible, and what to do if you want not friendship, but more.

She is pretty, easily makes new acquaintances, interesting as a person and successful. All the men she meets are happy to become her friends. But no more. Nothing personal, they discuss with her all the vicissitudes of their novels with other women.

There is a lot of talk about whether a man and a woman can be "just friends". Someone argues that there can be no such friendship at all, because their interests are too different. And others are sure that in such couples at least one of the partners is secretly or clearly in love with the other.

The second may respond to these claims in different ways. Prefers not to notice or sincerely does not notice? Perceives only as an “intellectual muse” or holds for “his boyfriend”, to whom you can say anything you want? And, of course, it is especially difficult to untie this tangle of unspoken expectations if it is the girl who is in love, and the guy diligently maintains only a friendly level of contacts.

If you're one of those girls, and this isn't the first time you've been in this "friend trap", it's most likely because you take a wrong turn at the very beginning of a relationship and don't try to look sexy and feminine. As soon as you met, you wanted to prove to him what a good, loyal and trustworthy companion you can be ... And by doing so, you remind him too much of his sister.

Or: you were so desperately happy to meet him that you went too far with signs of attention. This immediately shows him that you are eager to be with him, regardless of his behavior, and that he does not need to do anything special to keep your interest.

Being trapped in friendship is rarely pleasant. You are stuck in the hope that one day everything will change. He likes to spend time with you, but for him you are just a friend with whom he can keep secrets, but not a romantic partner. But you know for sure that you would be a perfect match for him. And worse, it keeps you from dating someone else because you're completely focused on them and don't want to miss your chance. Every time he's free again after another girl, you think it's a great opportunity for him to finally notice you. You hope one day he is aware of that you have been around all this time.

And this is not surprising. Isn't it true that you can immediately name a dozen Hollywood films with just such an ending? The guy and the girl have been friends for a very long time, but they sleep with someone else. And now, years later, one of them (usually a guy) suddenly comes to his senses and falls in love with this particular girl at some particularly dramatic moment - for example, when she gets on a plane to fly away from him forever. And then he realizes that it is with her that he would like to spend the rest of his life.

How to get out of the friendship trap

If you want to get out of the friendly embrace of the man of your dreams (and fall into his arms in a completely different status), you should not watch Hollywood movies. You need to do something completely different. Here are some possible solutions.

Stop being his psychotherapist . Perhaps your friend likes to talk to you about girls and get friendly advice on how to behave with them. And you give him this advice - because such conversations prove how much he values you and how frank he is with you. But this is precisely what prevents him from perceiving you as an object of love. Just tell him that you are tired of such conversations and will not touch this topic anymore.

Don't be afraid to voice your disagreement . When we try to get someone's attention, we want to show how much we have in common. And we prefer to keep silent about our true opinions and tastes, if they differ from the point of view of a partner. However, if you only say “yes” to everything and always, you cease to exist for him as a person. Paradoxically, disagreement can create more attraction and make your bond stronger. But - in moderation, of course ... If you suddenly turn from a timid and sweet Snow Maiden into an Amazon on a horse, sweeping away all life in its path, few people will like it.

Show him that you can be sexy . If you casually (in response to his stories about pretty girls) mention your personal life, guess how quickly his imagination will work in this direction. It turns out that you are also interesting to someone as a woman - wow !!! Of course, if you just stand in front of a man and say that you would like to go to bed with him, after he recovers from the shock, he will most likely feel intimidated. But if you say, “Oh, this jacket is so sexy!” or “How wonderful your deodorant smells! No girl could stand against him!", it will be much more elegant. Or if you secretly tell him about your “buttons” that trigger your erotic fantasies, he will know how to press them. You send him two messages at once: you tell him that he is very sexy in this new jacket, but also make it clear that it is not customary to talk about sex between the two of you. Where do you think this will lead?

Be busy. You don't have to be ready every time he calls you. As one old song goes, "how can I miss you when you're always there"? Victims of the friendly trap are always tempted to drop everything and run to help. Because you're hoping that maybe just this time things will go differently. But - if you have your own life, not always connected with him, it lifts you in his (and in your own) eyes. Intrigue fuels his curiosity, and a full, interesting life makes you less obsessed with just this relationship.

Bring more physical contact into your relationship with him . Touching a person while walking or talking, taking their hand in support, or kissing them lightly on the cheek goodbye are all things that make physical contact a common thing. And what awakens your and his sexuality. If you are tactile enough with friends and colleagues, it will be easier to touch the man of your dreams.
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