Man ready for marriage
4 signs that a man's ready for marriage — and 4 that he's not
Men and marriage — ever wonder what it takes to get the two together? If you're trying to get your boyfriend to make a commitment, I have good news and bad news.
The good news is that you can stop trying to manipulate, sweet talk or pressure him into proposing. The bad news is that there's nothing you can do to speed up the process.Shutterstock
That's not to say it'll never happen. Men fall in love and get married every day. But men have their own biological clocks.
When they're ready, they head down the aisle — but not a moment sooner. In the meantime, it's not possible to convince a commitment-phobic guy that you're the best thing that will ever happen to him — even if you are! If you're anxious to get married, your best bet may be looking for someone who doesn't need convincing to get down on one knee.
The "Sex and the City" gang once compared a marriage-ready man to a taxi: At a certain point in his life, he becomes ready for commitment. His "available" light goes on and the next lady in his life gets the ring.
Luckily for us, it's not that hard to tell the difference between a man who's got the light on and one who's just driving around in the dark. Want some help?
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Here are four hints that a man has present-day potential to become a mate for life:
His oat-sowing days are over
According to John Malloy, author of "Why Men Marry Some Women and Not Others", which details the results of a survey of 2,500 men, the singles scene no longer appeals to a man who is ready to marry. Malloy interviewed men from ages 17 to 70 who were about to marry; all admitted they felt increasingly out of place in the bars, pool halls and dance clubs that were once their favorite hangouts.
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He's financially independent
Tina Tessina, Ph. D., a California psychotherapist, explains, "Men do have a biological clock, but their timing is different from women. Most men's priorities tend to be focused on winning financial security before having a family. If he's still struggling to pay his bills, he's not going to want to add the burden of supporting a wife."
To take it further, the man you're looking for is a grown-up—someone who can be counted on. He's able to commit to a job, not to mention family and friends.
On the romantic front, even if he's not ready to wed right away, he's at least able to discuss the concept of commitment.
He's discovered his desire to be a dad
Carol Morgan, a Boca Raton matchmaker, observes, "He's ready for marriage when he stares longingly at kids and suggests you would have beautiful children."
If your man isn't as straightforward, take a cue from John Malloy, who says, "Most men want to be young enough to teach their sons to fish and play ball and do the male-bonding thing. "
His research found that age can have a great effect on a man's attitude toward marriage. Most college-educated men don't consider marriage as a serious possibility until age 26. In fact, they enter a phase of high commitment between the ages of 28 and 33. Men who've gone on to graduate school—doctors, lawyers, etc. — hit their commitment-peak phase from age 30 to 36.
But Malloy says that once a single man hits 37, the chances that he'll marry start to fade. And after his 43rd birthday, he'll probably remain a bachelor for life.
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That's not to say that a man won't catch marriage/fatherhood fever later in life.Shutterstock
He's your boyfriend in name — your husband in spirit
Relationship expert April Masini, author of "Date Out of Your League", explains, "When a man is ready to become a husband — your husband — he starts acting like a husband. For instance, he will make plans for the future, introduce you to his friends and family, and not only call you daily but want to tell you the details of his day and have a desire to hear about yours. "
Carol Morgan adds, "He's honest and open, and when you enter the room he doesn't immediately make his computer screen go black so you can't see what he's doing. He'll even — gasp! — let you answer the phone [at his place]." And if he makes room for you in his closet, baby, your single days are numbered. He'll also listen when you tell him that you're ready for marriage.
Malloy says that the key finding in his book about men and marriage was this: "Seventy-three percent of the women coming out of marriage-license bureaus with their future husbands told us that they put pressure on their man to get a proposal. In most cases, this pressure didn't involve an attempt to manipulate their man into marrying them but was simply a result of telling their man what they were feeling."Shutterstock
If you're not sure about your guy's intentions, take notice of the way he acts and, more importantly, the way he talks about your future. If he's making promises but hasn't delivered in a reasonable amount of time, or if he objects to any talk about your future at all, his prospects for becoming a groom are probably pretty grim. But don't just assume he's not ready. Be direct with him and tell him how you feel. Then you'll know exactly where you stand. If he's not ready, he's not ready. In that case, better to move on to a man who is. Who knows if he'll be flashy, but his "available" light will certainly sparkle.
Signs he's not marriage material if he:
- Says he has no interest in tying the knot. Instead of trying to change his mind, believe him and move on.
- Buys a Porsche. Or other high-end items that no man saving up for a ring or a future would purchase. "If he acts financially immature and irresponsible, he's thinking 'me,' not 'we,'" says Morgan.
- Calls his married friends "losers." If he wants to couple up, he considers a man and a woman building a future together beautiful, not pathetic.
- Continually makes you cry —and they're not tears of happiness. If he's unreliable, abusive, a liar, cheat and/or uber-flirt, divorce yourself from this relationship before it takes a trip to court to do so.
A version of this story was originally published in May 2011.
Is He Ready for Marriage? Put Him to the Test
If you’re looking to marry, how do you know if he’s the one? Besides giving due weight to chemistry and other concerns, you can do some “litmus testing” to find out which qualities he has that you can accept and which ones spell trouble.
Marriage-readiness is necessary. It can’t be forced. When he’s ready, he’s ready and not a moment before. If you’re able to manipulate a not ready man into marrying you, he may resent you for a long time. You don’t want that, do you? So do test for readiness.
The “Sex and the City” television characters once compared a marriage-ready man to a taxi: At a certain time, he becomes ready to commit. His “available” light goes on and the next woman in his life gets the ring.
You can tell the difference between a man who’s got the light on and one who’s just driving around in the dark. Here are some positive signs of his readiness:
- The singles scene no longer appeals to him.
- He’s financially independent.
- He’s at least able to talk about the idea of commitment.
- He wants to be a dad or is willing to be a step-dad, if this applies to you.
- He’s your boyfriend in name — your husband in spirit. He makes plans for the future, introduces you to his family and friends. He calls you regularly, wanting to hear about your day and to tell you about his. He’s open and honest.
Financial independence relates especially to a man who desires to start a family because he’s likely to want to be financially secure before marrying. Regardless of your age and life stage, if you want a responsible partner who is able to commit to a job, pay his bills, and so on, look for these qualities.
If a man objects to any talk about your future, he’s probably not ready for marriage. To further test the waters, tell him directly how you feel. You can say candidly that you’re wondering whether he’s dating with the hope of finding a wife or if he’s just, well, dating.
Signs that He’s Not for You
If he says he doesn’t want to marry, believe him and move on. But even if he does want it, make sure the answer to questions like these is a clear no:
- Does he spend irresponsibly?
- Does he speak negatively about marriage?
- Does he hurt you by being unreliable or abusive; or by lying, cheating, or flirting with other women?
Watch out for red flags. If you want a good husband, know that a yes to any of the above questions is a likely disqualifier, even if he’s charming and says he loves you.
Test for Long-Term Compatibility
Talk about what your lives together would look like after marriage. Even many couples who live together first say that marriage changes their relationship.
Say what matters to each of you. Maybe my husband sensed that I wasn’t cut out for a traditional gender-based division of responsibilities. One evening while we sat on my living room couch, well before we got engaged, he said, “I’m not the kind of guy who expects his wife to have dinner on the table at a certain time each evening.”
Green light for me. I could be myself with him.
This is the main thing to test for: are you fine being yourselves with each other and able to accept your differences over time?
9 signs that a man is ready for marriage
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Marriage and the creation of a family, the so-called unit of society, is a natural process and a decision that every person comes to sooner or later. Couples who are in a long and high-quality relationship often think about marriage, but it’s so common that a man usually makes a marriage proposal. How do you know if you're ready to start a family?
1. A girl's opinion becomes more important than her friends' opinion
No, that doesn't make you a heel. This makes you a person who respects the point of view of your significant other. Often, such behavior in the companies of young people becomes an occasion for jokes, but this only means that a man truly appreciates his woman. After all, in the end, he will have to build a life and have children not with his best friend, but with her. nine0004
2. You have such a thing as a “joint budget”
In this case, you most likely already live together. Here, common expenses are inevitable - a communal apartment, sometimes renting an apartment, food ... How and who pays for all this pleasure - you need to decide. If you have come to a consensus on this issue, then you can safely add a plus sign to your readiness for marriage.
3. When making a decision, you also think about your soulmate
When you are one family, then every major decision you make will somehow affect your partner. Thinking only about yourself, as it was before, can be bad for relationships. There will be more need to consult and discuss the decision with the wife. If there is no willingness to share your life with someone else, then it is better not to rush into the wedding. nine0004
4. You will never disappear in an unknown direction without warning your beloved
In puberty, you could do this: turn off your phones and go into the sunset, leaving your friends and parents in the dark. Because such actions characterize, as a rule, young infantile people who are not ready for responsibility. An adult understands the need to report his location, time of arrival home and other things, because he is aware that he can be worried and worried about him. nine0004
5. You know how to distribute household chores
Gone are the days when a woman's place was at the stove, and she had to take on all household duties alone. In most modern families, both work, which means that it is more logical to divide household chores into two. Here the ability to negotiate with each other about everyday life is important - who, where and what can do. It's better not to get married if you need a girl-mother or a girl-housekeeper. Get cleaning. Cheaper and more efficient. nine0004
6. You calmly communicate with her relatives
In principle, it is not necessary to send them pictures in the “Good morning!” WhatsApp every day, but avoiding contact with the family of the chosen one is corny ugly. Relatives are not chosen, not everyone can please you, but it is necessary to try to establish contact. First of all, with parents and sisters and brothers. If you have the intention of getting married, then you will accept this part of her life.
7. You are not afraid of responsibility
Fear of responsibility is a scourge of young people. Up to a certain age, most men are afraid to take care of others or for something else. And marriage is a big responsibility. After the wedding, you will be one family that will go to each other shoulder to shoulder and cover your back in case of emergency. There is nowhere without a sense of responsibility for each other.
8. You are ready to support romance
This may not be felt at first, but in the future, the ability to maintain romance in marriage will play a big role, because you will get used to each other, you will live together, feelings may begin to fade. Therefore, we must not forget that at least on Valentine's Day, your beloved woman can arrange an excellent date. nine0004
9. Do you think about your future life, considering the presence of your beloved in her
Did you plan where you want to live? What area to work in? What are your goals and dreams? If you began to think about marriage, then probably your chosen one already has a similar outlook and ambitions in life, but your plans for further existence may be radically different. It may even be worth discussing this moment together. But if you are thinking about being, periodically forgetting or simply not considering the existence of a girl in your life, then do not rush into marriage. Better yet, forget about this idea for a while. nine0004
The ring is not far off. How to understand that a man is ready for marriage | Psychology of life | Health
Is it possible to understand that a man is ready for marriage? Of course, the psychologist Elena Milto is convinced . She told AiF.ru about signs that will easily betray a chosen one with very serious intentions.
Sign No. 1. He is proactive in interacting with you
does not wait, but takes responsibility. This must be present in a relationship: I cooked (ordered) dinner, booked a house for the weekend, sent an unexpected SMS “I love you, my girl” or a bouquet of flowers, etc.
Sign No. 2. He does not hide his finances
The level of a man's earnings is perceived as a sign of his wealth and success. This is often a reinforcement or even the basis of his self-esteem. nine0004
Is your partner open about financial matters? Or maybe he consults and shares his plans? Improves, develops, grows and does not hesitate to discuss such topics? This definitely speaks of his maturity and responsible attitude towards himself and his other half.
Sign No. 3. He pronounces “We”
“We” as a new construction in his speech is not just a nice bonus in a relationship, it is a demonstration of unity, which is quite difficult for men. This means that a real integration of you into his world has taken place. nine0004
Sign No. 4. He is attentive to details
A person will not delve into the nuances when he does not care. If the chosen one asks, clarifies - rejoice, he cares about you!
Of course, in any couple there will be conversations on other topics too, this is normal. But separately appreciate and support conversations that begin with a man’s sincere interest in your work, feelings, relationships with someone (for example, with your mother), etc.
Sign No. 5. He builds a joint future
Men generally see the end goal, but plan differently from women. It is only normal for the fair sex to imagine being married to a person already on the first date.
The stronger sex relies on its "today". Therefore, if he brought you into the future, this is definitely an important signal.
Sign No. 6. He invests in you and your relationships
This item is not only about money, although it is about them too. Remember: any person greatly values \u200b\u200bwhat he invested in, what he spent on. This is how our brain works. The more strength a man puts into a relationship, the more he will appreciate the time spent together, the gifts chosen from the heart, and the emotions that you give him. nine0004
Sign No. 7. He is attentive in bed
If a man wants a serious relationship with you, then he will pay attention not only to the technical side of the issue, but also to the qualitative, emotional one. He will definitely take care not only of himself, but also of your pleasure.
Sign No. 8. He supports you
He is there when you get sick or when you doubt something, when you make some difficult choice in life, go through a difficult period, etc. It is very important for every woman, no matter what she says, to have a partner's shoulder nearby, and it's good if you find it. nine0004
Sign No. 9. He introduced you to his family
Usually women take this step much easier than men. If the acquaintance with the family nevertheless happened, it is absolutely certain that you are important to him, he also needs plans for you.
But there is a nuance: the acquaintance should not be formal, but well worked out by the man himself.
Sign No. 10. He introduced you to his company
Family is not always the most sacred thing for a man. Often these are... his friends. Especially the bosom ones, the very best, from childhood, from the army, with whom more than one pood of salt was eaten. Were you introduced to these people? Then congratulations! nine0004
Sign No. 11. He speaks and does, and not only speaks
Everyone knows that a person should be judged by his actions. It is the deed that matters, not just the words. To come to the rescue not only with advice, but also with a specific act is a sign of a real man and a serious attitude towards you. Bonus - if this happens without persuasion and begging, but on the chosen one's own initiative.
Sign No. 12. He took off his masks
The depth of a relationship is measured by their openness, honesty and lack of fear of each other. If together and mutually you feel that you can tell almost everything to your partner and at the same time be accepted and understood - this is not just a great happiness, such a person must be protected. nine0004
Sign No. 13. He accepts you "out of dress"
Life is not a movie where you wake up already in full dress, smiling all day, no matter what happens. You may get sick, not put on makeup, you may be in a bad mood, etc. If a man accepts you differently, not only in a dress, in heels and in a good mood - this is a sure sign that he is comfortable with you, and not with your ideal image.
Feature #14 He gives you freedom
Each of us lives our own life. In a happy and effective relationship, one never puts pressure on the other, subdues, humiliates! A good partner always remembers this and gives his other half freedom in choice, in manifestations of feelings, in development, opinion, clothes, etc.
Sign No. 15. He consults and asks for help
In our country, if a man asks for help, he is immediately written down as a weakling. Not surprisingly, the culture of asking for support among the stronger sex is almost absent. But if the chosen one nevertheless gathered his strength and asks to give him a "shoulder", do not disregard this request. It is about trust, which is one of the foundations of harmonious relationships.