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Making a crucial decision between two lovers


16 Criteria to Pick One Who’s Right for You

Lucky you! There are two people who you like, and they like you. But which one do you choose? Here’s what to do if you’re torn between two lovers.

Not many people will be faced with the decision to choose between two people they really like. Even if a person is torn between two lovers, one person usually doesn’t reciprocate their feelings all that much. It’s uneven.

So if you’re in this situation, count yourself lucky. Or not, because this will be a very hard choice to make!

If you’re genuinely into two different people who both want you back, you’ll have to do some serious thinking. This will be a major decision, so make sure to think through things deeply.

[Read: Love triangles and the crazy complications it can bring into your life]

The biggest problem with having to choose between two people

Some people don’t really understand why it must suck to be torn between two lovers. Honestly, they just don’t get it. They think that you can just pick one and be completely happy with one, so what’s the problem?

Well, you have really strong feelings for both people. If you lose one of them, you’ll end up hurting. So either way, you’re in pain.

That’s what makes the decision so hard. No matter what you do, you’ll be hurting someone you care about and you’ll be hurting yourself, too. [Read: How to make up your mind when you’re in love with two people]

Criteria to use when you’re torn between two lovers

When you’re young, it’s more difficult to know what kinds of criteria and/or qualities you need to be looking for to determine long-term compatibility. For instance, your standards right now might be “Hey, they’re cute, fun, and I like them! Let’s get into a relationship!”

But ask your parents or grandparents, and they will say, “being cute and fun is just the beginning…”

In other words, there are so many things to consider when you are choosing a life partner. And even if you’re not ready to choose a life partner, it’s important that you sit down with yourself anyway and try to figure out your “must-haves” and your “deal-breakers” in a relationship.

So, that is the first step. If you’re still at a loss for where to start, don’t worry. Here is a list of things you really need to think long and hard about when you’re torn between two lovers. [Read: Honeymoon phase – how to calculate how long it will last with you both]

1. Age difference

There are many people who think that age is just a number. And while that is true *some old people still think they are 18*, when it comes to relationships, age can be a big factor.

For example, let’s say you are 25 and you meet an awesome, charming 43-year-old. They are hot, and you are in love. 43 is not that old. But if you want children with this person, they will be a minimum of 61 years old by the time your first child is out of the house. And you will be 43. Suddenly, you are with someone in their 60s. And when you are 62, they will be 80. See? That really puts it into perspective.

At the ages of 25 and 43, it’s not that big of a deal, because you are both still young and healthy. But 62 is a lot younger than 80. You may have to be a caretaker for a good portion of your life. Just some things to think about. [Read: 18 foundations of a good relationship that separate the good and the bad]

Another aspect of age differences is not sharing the same memories, or growing up in the same era. Let’s say you want to go to a concert of a band that you grew up with. But maybe your significant other wasn’t even born yet when that band was popular. How awkward would that be? You didn’t grow up with the same things, which can make your feel eons apart in terms of similarities. [Read: The dating age rule – What’s an acceptable age gap in a couple]

2. Marriage and children

Even if you don’t have much of an age difference, are you both on the same page with marriage and children? If you dream of getting married and having kids, and they are lukewarm about both of them, then you probably aren’t a good match.

Many people will tell you not to talk about such things too soon in a relationship. But why? Those are some very important things to consider when you are deciding who to pursue a relationship with. [Read: 50 relationship questions to test your compatibility instantly]

Or maybe one or both of you already have kids. If they do, and you don’t… do you like their kids? Are you ready to be a step-parent someday? Or if you have kids and they don’t, will they understand your role as a parent and your need to prioritize your kids? And if you both have kids, do they all get along?

These are big issues that need to be considered when you are torn between two lovers.

3. Religious & political viewpoints

Most people would agree that having similar religious or spiritual views is important in a long-term relationship, especially if you are going to have children. If you have very different ways of looking at God and/or the afterlife, you might not understand each other. [Read: 17 most important things in a relationship that hold it together]

As for politics, many would advise avoiding that topic altogether. But let’s face it – in recent decades, people seem to have very strong opinions one way or another. If you’re a liberal, could you see yourself being with a conservative? Or vice versa? Liberals and conservatives have very different ways of looking at the world.

4. Introvert vs. extrovert

Introverts aren’t necessarily shy. They can be friendly and social. But they also need a lot of alone time. When they are in a social gathering, they tend to get drained. So, they need to recharge themselves by being alone.

On the other hand, extroverts aren’t always the “life of the party” either, but they do get their energy by being around people – and not by being alone. So. let’s say you’re an extrovert, and one of the lovers you’re considering is an introvert. How compatible will you be? [Read: Introvert vs extrovert – Why it’s fluid and what splits these two personalities apart]

What if you have a desire to always go out and be with people, and they are more of a homebody and don’t want to go out with you? How would you handle that? Or maybe it’s reversed and you are the introvert and they are the extrovert. Sometimes it’s difficult to understand someone who has an opposite personality to you.

What to do when you’re torn between two lovers

If you’re still stuck and have no idea what to do after writing down your “must haves,” “deal breakers,” and considering the above criteria, we can help you even more.

Just remember that it’s ultimately up to you and you have to do what’s best for your future. That being said, here’s how you can make a decision when you’re torn between two lovers.

1. Get to know each deeper

You should’ve already known to do this but better late than never. Make sure you really, really know each of them at their core. And this doesn’t mean just knowing their favorite colors or their favorite foods.

Know what they’d grab if their house caught fire. Know the one thing they hate most in the entire world. You should have a really deep sense of knowing each of them.

Only then can you fairly choose the right person. [Read: 30 deep questions to ask someone before you get in too far]

2.

Think about your future

And think about it hard. If you have no idea what you want in life or where your life is heading, can you really make a solid decision about who to be with when you’re torn between two lovers? Probably not.

The truth is, you can’t see a future with someone when you can’t see a future at all. You won’t know who will fit best in your life if you’re not sure what that life will look like. So think long and hard about what you want for your future. [Read: What should I do with my life? 16 steps to design your ideal future]

3. Take physical attraction out of the equation

Don’t even consider what either of them looks like. Judge this as if you were blind but still had the same feelings for each person.

The reason for this is because you can easily be drawn toward one simply because they’re more attractive than the other, who might actually be the better match for you. If you couldn’t even see either of them, who would you choose then? [Read: 150+ very deep relationship questions every couple MUST ask each other]

4.

Notice your personality around each

Does your personality change with one person but not the other? Are you able to be more of yourself around one of them?

If so, that’s the person you should be with, not the one who makes you change your personality.

Also, pay attention to what your personality is like with each. Are your happier and laugh easier with one? That’s the person you’ll want to choose if that’s the case. Decide on the person who’ll bring out the best in you.

5. Think about the dynamic of each relationship

How are each of the relationships? You might not be in an exclusive relationship with either but you still have a certain dynamic with them.

If you have a really fun, light-hearted nature with one but a more serious, lusty dynamic with the other, go for the fun one.

Chances are, you might have a lot of strong sexual chemistry with the other one, but can you kick back and have a really good time? That’s what matters. [Read: What makes a good relationship? 30 signs of a great relationship]

6.

Seek help from friends

Get your friends together and ask for their opinions. No, not on the two lovers, but who you seem better with.

Ask who you end up talking about more and get an outside opinion on how you act with both because your friends can see more clearly than you can. Have them help you when you’re torn between two lovers.

7. Decide whose lifestyle is the most similar to yours

This is really important because someone with a completely different lifestyle just won’t work with you, even if you really like them. You need someone whose life is very much like your own.

Does one of them want to go out and do the things you do regularly while another would prefer to skip those things and do something they like but you tolerate?

You don’t have to have every little thing in common, but you should have a generally similar lifestyle. [Read: 13 things you need for a perfectly happy life]

8. Think about your family, too

It’s true that your family doesn’t have to approve of your partner in order for you to be with them. However, if your family is important to you, you’ll want to make sure the other person can fit in well with them.

Which of the two would mesh well in your family? Does one person clearly stand out? You might want to think about choosing that person if your family is a major part of your life.

9. Discuss morals and values

You need to know where both people stand on serious issues. You need to know if your morals and values line up. If they don’t, you clearly can’t be with them because you’ll have major issues down the line.

You don’t have to have a lot of things in common with your partner in order for it to work, but the things you do NEED to have in common are your morals and values. Get to know theirs and choose wisely. [Read: What does being compatible mean in a relationship? Are you?]

10. Do you feel like you’re cheating on one of them more than the other?

This might be a little odd because you’re seeing two people. You might feel a little weird about it.

But which person do you feel the most guilty about when spending time with the other? That’s the person you have the stronger feelings for.

11. Assess how you feel before seeing each

Who are you most excited to see? Do you do anything extra special for one that you don’t do for the other?

Pay attention to your mood and excitement levels for a little while and see if there’s a trend. Obviously, the person you anticipate seeing more is the person you care about more.

12. Flip a coin

This may sound like the worst advice, but hear us out. If you assign one lover to heads and the other to tails, flip the coin and see who wins. Then decide how you feel.

Are you relieved or disappointed by the results of the coin toss? Depending on how you feel, that’ll tell you who you should really be with!

[Read: 20 questions to help you choose between two people you love]

Being torn between two lovers is never easy. You’ll have to let one of them go. Make sure it’s the right one by following these guidelines for choosing which you’d like to be with.

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Caught Between Two Loves? | Psychology Today

Consider these scenarios:

  • Madeline has been married to Ron for seven years, and she’s having an affair with Quinton. The chemistry with Quinton is amazing, and he says that he’s ready for Madeline to end her marriage and build a life with him. Ron is a good man, but she feels a million miles away from him. She feels stuck and alone.
  • Jorge has been seeing two guys for several months — Paul and Erik. Jorge adores Paul’s intellectual curiosity, and he feels close to Paul’s family and network of friends. However, Jorge finds Paul to be socially awkward and “low energy.” Jorge is drawn to Erik’s adventurous spirit and unpredictability. At the same time, Jorge worries about Erik’s drinking and history of relationship turmoil. Jorge worries that his inability to commit puts him at risk of losing them both.

These snapshots of people caught in love triangles are pulled from situations I have seen over the years with therapy clients, students, and friends. Although Maddie and Jorge's situations are clearly different — an affair versus dating — there is a common thread: Both are at a crossroads in their love lives, needing to make a difficult choice between two partners.

Source: wavebreakmedia/Shutterstock

Being caught in a love triangle is painful. Feeling stuck and unsure how to proceed can create ruminative thoughts and emotional suffering. And the longer a person is stuck, the more opportunities they have to behave in ways that are deceitful or that otherwise increase their chances of losing both partners. Further, watching yourself behave deceitfully erodes your sense of your own integrity.

What should you do if you find yourself caught in a love triangle, unable to figure out your next move? As Albert Einstein said, “We can’t solve problems by using the same kind of thinking we used when we created them. ” So here are three questions you can use to help get unstuck. These questions invite you into a new stance vis a vis the love triangle, and a shift in perspective can open up a new pathway toward insight and clarity.

1. "In which relationship do I feel most able to bring in my fullest and most wholehearted expression of myself?"

People caught in a love triangle often make side-by-side comparisons of their two love options. We can easily imagine Madeline and Jorge making pro-and-con lists, weighing the positive and negative qualities of each partner and making a decision from there. It’s not that this approach is bad or wrong, per se, but it's limited, as it leaves a huge variable out of the equation — you. It ignores the fact that YOU plus ME equals WE.

We are so much more than static and contained sets of personality traits and qualities that can be listed and compared. Intimate relationships are wrought in the dynamic space between partners. How you “show up” to the relationship changes how the other person “shows up” for the relationship. And vice versa. Intimate partners create dances of interaction made up of choreography that profoundly affects each of the dancers. Therefore, a far braver question is: “In which relationship do I feel most able to bring in my fullest and most wholehearted self?” This is a question that invites introspection, and the ability to introspect — to turn your attention inward in order to examine your thoughts, feelings, and beliefs — is essential for the creation of a healthy and happy intimate relationship.

2. "What keeps me from making a choice?"

Notice the subtle but meaningful difference in these two ways of asking the same question:

  • “Why can’t I choose?”
  • “What keeps me from making a choice?”

The first version (“Why can’t I choose?”) invites an explanation (“I can’t choose because…”), and explanations tend to involve one of two things — shame or blame.

  • Shame: “I can’t choose because I’m afraid/broken/stupid/neurotic/selfish/lazy.” Great; you already felt stuck. Now you feel stuck and damaged.
  • Blame: “Maybe I can’t choose because my stuckness proves that neither one of them is my soulmate”; “I can’t choose because of how they are acting”; “I can’t choose because the institution of marriage is flawed”; etc. Pointing the finger at some external factor keeps you passive and disempowered.

The second version of the question (“What keeps me from making a choice?”) is what people in the field of marriage and family therapy call a constraint question. Constraint questions invite reflection and curiosity, opening up the possibility for growth and insight. For those caught in a love triangle, asking yourself what keeps you from making a choice grants you direct access to what may be the very heart of the matter — the hidden payoff.

When we avoid making a choice, it may be because we are earning a hidden payoff, and by turning your attention inward, you can identify what your hidden payoff is. One possible hidden payoff is that the love triangle protects you from something that scares you. And when it comes to love, there’s plenty of stuff that can feel pretty darned scary — fear of heartbreak, fear of disappointment, fear of boredom. Those fears are legitimate, and at the same time, limiting. Here are two things to remember about fears:

  • When we take the risk of confronting them, we reap the reward of experiencing our own resilience.
  • Our fears tend to stem from messages and experiences that go way back, usually to childhood, and tools (like books and therapy) can help you move through old fears so you can feel empowered in love.

3. "If my best friend was in this spot and asked me for guidance, what would I say to them?"

People who know us well can talk with us in a way that is simultaneously compassionate and honest. They can love us, while inviting us to step into the best versions of ourselves. They can offer us their gentleness, while insisting upon our accountability. This third question gives you the opportunity to do for yourself what a good friend would do for you, and it may help shine light on what your next steps need to be.

Intimate relationships are messy. They are full of complexities and uncertainties that can bring out the best (and the worst) in us. If you are caught in a love triangle, you are wrestling with the very essences of attraction, love, commitment, and integrity. These three questions are pathways designed to help you access your internal world and find there the answers that you need.

Lovers tarot card parsing the meaning and popular interpretations

Lovers tarot card, also known as Eros and Children of the Voice, Love, Two Paths, Fork, Oracle of the Almighty Gods, Lovers, looks relatively simple. But don't underestimate her. Interpreters convince that the meaning of The Lovers is one of the most confusing in the entire deck. The map shows the Garden of Eden. The figure of a naked man hides the Tree of Life, the female figure hides the Tree of Knowledge.

General meaning of the tarot card 6 Arcana

Arkan Lovers promises a change in lifestyle, experiences on the personal front. The card is a harbinger of an imminent choice that radically changes the everyday life of a person. Probably, you have to take a step forward, realize yourself, the purpose of life, the importance of creation. 6 lasso tarot - a symbol of the secret understanding of love. A small step will help a person discover new information. This value is fixed in the name "Choice".

Waite's universal tarot card Lovers means the forthcoming fork in life's path. The choice made will irrevocably change the life path of a person, lay new obligations on his shoulders. Eros symbolizes a bold decision made from the heart. This interpretation is due to the historical context: marriage has always combined calculation, duty and love. Union due to emotions is a difficult choice. Previously, he changed life radically. The tarot card warns that a serious test is coming soon, and the decision will come from the heart. nine0003

Tarot Lovers reminds of the responsibility that the decision made imposes on the individual. This is a symbol of the closest connection of the outcome with freedom, the effect with the cause. She recalls that fate, giving a choice, tests a person for strength. Eros symbolizes the need to make a wise and harmonious decision. Do not expect everything to go like clockwork: it will definitely take effort. You may need to seek help.

Key Ideas

The Lover's Arcanum is intuitive for everyone. Most often, people turn to tarot for advice on the personal front. Love is the obvious meaning of Freedom. It is captured by everyone. In fact, the true meaning and main idea is Test, Choice. It is not easy to make it, especially if the point of no return comes, it will not work to fix the perfect. nine0003

Arkan predicts a personality conflict. The state of difficult choice, symbolized by Eros, can be associated with a many-headed hydra - so many thoughts arise at the same time. Most often, the Lovers tarot reflects the conflict of a cold mind and hot emotions. Reading the Oracle, they understand that before the person is the need for a choice that will change the future.

The Liberty card indicates lasting effects. Perhaps the decision will affect the rest of your life. The choice is not only a partner, but work, education, home, lifestyle. The alternatives of choice symbolized by the Two Paths are mutually exclusive. nine0003

For a long time the Fork has been interpreted positively. Lovers predict the right choice, symbolize sincere actions that reflect real aspirations.

The position of the past appears if the Oracle speaks about the consequences of a decision taken in the past. He is interpreted as a person who dared to reject the arguments of reason. You can understand the card as the need for courage to make up your mind. It is likely that others are trying to manipulate the person, so it is necessary to identify this and protect yourself. It is important to make a voluntary choice without doubting it. nine0003

The eventual idea of ​​the Children of the Voice is a union. They symbolize romance and a pleasant connection, mutual attraction. Tarot interprets love as a gift from God, worth the effort.

The Minor Arcana signals about the reciprocity of feelings. In the absence of negative cards near, the alignment is interpreted as a quick meeting with a loved one, who will become a faithful companion for a long time. Arkan does not call for speeding up events, looking for a lover, but asks not to miss the feeling, to open up to him in time.

The Razvilka card indicates participation in an alliance, the need for joint efforts. It shows that there is someone who has a strong influence on a person. Lovers are a symbol of the desire for communication, the search for a common point of view. nine0003

Upright position

In the upright position, the meaning of the Arcana Lovers symbolizes the emotional sphere, the ability to achieve harmony through overcoming difficulties and rejecting erroneous ideas. Arkan means sincerity. It reflects numerous details of the situation, finally forming into a whole picture. In the upright position, Eros is a symbol of the resolution of a long-troubled problem.

The Lovers and the Magician are interpreted as an amazing ability to get out of an impasse, even if it seems impossible. If they are guessing at tarot for a person, the combination reflects a sex symbol. If the Choice rolls with the Hierophant, the tarot predicts a lawful relationship. nine0003

Reversed

If Lovers is a reversed tarot card, the lasso means the incompatibility of lovers, unrequited attraction. Sometimes the meaning is as follows: the two feel good together, they are like relatives, they enjoy communication, but the feelings are only platonic and do not have a chance to reach a different level. If the Lovers are surrounded by negative cards, a fortuneteller has recently lost a loved one, they are interpreted as a connection with the soul of the departed.

Reversed Lovers predict an early unsuccessful marriage without strong feelings. It will probably fall apart. Those in love with tarot talk about problems on the personal front, jealousy, possessiveness, disappointment, indicate a union that suppresses individuality. nine0003

Surrounded by negative cards Lovers predict betrayal.

If fortune-telling was conducted on a certain person, the tarot layout is considered negative, warning that there will be no happiness in the union, the marriage will not take place. Reversed choice indicates the need to love yourself first. Only such a person will be appreciated by a partner. Sometimes Eros symbolizes a lost chance, an unrealistic goal or an idea that cannot be realized.

If the Lovers tarot appears accompanied by a Priestess, the choice is due to a hidden meaning. The appearance of Lovers with the Ace of Swords is a symbol of a cold mind, the ability to keep emotions under control, not allowing reckless love. The combination with the Force indicates a test of temptation, with Death - the inability to influence the situation, regardless of the choice made. nine0003

The meaning of the tarot card Lovers in layouts

For the correct interpretation of the meaning, you need to look at the neighboring cards. The lasso is considered a binder for the surrounding symbols. Reciprocity is the keyword of the Lovers. They are a sign of unity before it fell apart. Arkan speaks of fusion, synthesis, carries positive energy. As a resultant card, Eros is interpreted as impending success or stability.

This tarot lasso speaks of strong emotions, mostly positive, but sometimes terrible. The stronger the feelings unsettle, the more difficult it is to decide. For the card, there is no difference between platonic and physical love. It symbolizes a frivolous perception of a difficult situation, an underestimation of what is happening or excessive emotionality. nine0003

The Lovers card does not show business relationships if they are based on respect, not love, attraction.

For career and work

6th senior Arcana tarot - a symbol of the upcoming choice between professions, spheres, paths:

  • The card appears on the eve of a tempting offer, sometimes indicates the opportunity to make a passion for work. It means a wise decision.
  • If it is planned to join forces for the benefit of some cause, Lovers predict good luck. They mean creative unity for the common good. nine0066
  • The Lovers card is an indication of a fruitful partnership, a successful, mutually beneficial alliance, harmonious relationships. It means trust and the ability to compromise, cooperation, willingness to make concessions for the sake of results.
  • Arkan predicts work that will bring pleasure.

If they read tarot for events, Lovers are understood as the successful conclusion of an agreement, union, organization of an event that strengthens the team. Less commonly, it is a symbol of a passionate person who is passionate about work. Lovers point to a chance to get into the management team of the company and turn out to be the person on whom all the affairs of the company depend. This can be achieved through trust and personal relationships. nine0003

If the card is drawn accompanied by the Wheel of Fortune, the tarot predicts the benefits of the decision. The combination with the Three of Wands is interpreted as the ability to enter into winning agreements.

Inverted Arcana tarot predicts the failure of the plan, is considered an occasion to analyze the attitude to work. If the Lovers are accompanied by the Devil, a rash decision will lead to irreparable consequences. In combination with the Ace of Wands, the inverted Children of the Voice are an indication of insurmountable obstacles. nine0003

For finances and property

Lovers tarot card indicates expenses, rash spending. It is unstable, symbolizes frivolity, eccentricity, but still helps with finances. Lovers recommend improving the situation by creating a pleasant atmosphere, establishing personal contact with partners and clients. The tarot is a reminder that people tend to be generous if they enjoy the service.

Tarot lovers are advised to introduce into the business small, pleasant details for customers - insignificant gifts, small discounts. They remind us that joy is also a commodity. nine0003

Arkan indicates an incorrect assessment of the monetary situation - it seems that things are better than they really are. The profits earned will soon be spent on insignificant purchases. Lovers talk about the joy caused by money. Sometimes it indicates an attitude towards shopping as a game. Joy gradually turns into uncontrollable excitement.

Another meaning of the tarot card is the profit received as a reward for a successful alliance and teamwork. She predicts unexpected financial support or help from loved ones. nine0003

For love and relationships

Tarot card Lovers in a relationship symbolizes sincerity, deep feelings, the right path. It means that the choice is made with full responsibility. Sometimes the sixth lasso of the tarot is interpreted:

  • as a new relationship, and always good, harmonious;
  • as a strong connection and complete dedication.

In the layout indicates a successful marriage. Lovers are a symbol of passion, attraction, obligations of partners. This is the most positive card for a person looking for a good relationship. It indicates an inner readiness, the ability to meet and accept the right person. Lovers mean sexuality, love, the alchemy of the world. nine0003

The Choice card means a fork in the road: either you have to leave your freedom in the past, or give up your loved one. It is also cooperation, the closeness of partners separated by a barrier.

Cards will help the fortuneteller understand relationships and love. The meaning of the tarot Lovers is the ability to see in the chosen one the features that are absent in oneself. The card calls not to fight the given, but to accept it, to open your eyes. She is a symbol of the unity of antipodes, able to come to unanimity, wisdom, to know empathy, to build harmonious relationships. nine0003

On the psychological state

The card predicts pleasure, frivolity of life position, inability to perceive what is happening as important.

Lovers talk about euphoria, uplift, emotionality. Reasons may be real, but self-deception is possible.

Eros symbolizes strong emotions - negative or positive. Euphoria sometimes comes from sports, the reactions of others to achievements, but it can also come from bad habits. Sometimes 6 tarot lasso speaks of negative emotions - hatred, jealousy. The key feature is the inability to correctly assess the situation, to control what is happening. nine0003

Other spreads

The health spread indicates a good condition if the Lovers fell in a straight position. If the person they are guessing at is sick, the tarot predicts a speedy recovery. Inverted Arkan - a symbol:

  • diseases of the hormonal system;
  • psychological disorders cured by the love and tenderness of a loved one.

Sometimes the card speaks of a dismissive, frivolous attitude towards one's body. Occasionally, the meaning of fallen Lovers is sexually transmitted diseases. nine0003

If the card is turned upside down, it is interpreted as a symbol of independence. She speaks of difficulties, confusion. Sometimes Lovers are a symbol of a partner who suppresses his personality, less often - indulgence in his weaknesses.

Reversed Lovers indicate the influence of opposite forces on a person. Sometimes they symbolize the impossibility of deciding due to internal uncertainty due to devotion. If an inverted card falls out several times, this is interpreted as a lack of responsibility, a feeling of guilt for wrong actions. nine0003

Lovers Tarot Arcana as a card of the day

As a card of the day Lovers signal the need to make a final decision. If this was preceded by long doubts, it is especially important not to miss the moment.

6 Arkan is a symbol of a chance given by fate. To do the right thing will help the inner mood - just listen to yourself. Arkan promises a positive outcome, guides on the right path.

Council

The Lovers card advises to enjoy joy. nine0003

Arkan recommends making a final decision, avoiding fuss.

Tarot does not encourage rash decisions. It is necessary to consider possible options, analyze the consequences.

Lovers reflect the voice of the heart. They urge you to listen to yourself, to be sincere, because attempts at self-deception will not lead to good.

Caution

Arkan Lovers warns against rash, careless decisions, but at the same time indicates the fallacy of tightening. There is enough data for the right action - you just need to analyze the situation. Inaction is seen as a decision. nine0003

Since the card indicates a possible meeting of an important person, it is also a signal to be careful not to push him away. When meeting a new person, take a closer look, trying to understand what the prospects for acquaintance are.

Lovers in combination with other tarot cards

The most significant combinations:

  • The combination of Lovers and Jester tarot cards is an indication of irrational behavior, absolute faith in luck.
  • The combination with the Empress speaks of physical pleasure. nine0066
  • Dealing with the Hermit is a signal of loneliness.
  • Lovers and the Hierophant symbolize firm adherence to principles, confidence, sincerity.
  • Children of the Voice and Death signify in tarot a sudden change in lifestyle.
  • With the Devil, the card indicates a threat to relationships and dependence on the chosen one.
  • The combination with the Tower communicates the importance of making a decision right now.
  • Love and the Three of Swords mean separation.
  • If Love falls with the Two of Cups, this is interpreted as a connection. nine0066
  • Lovers combined with the Five of Cups means the destruction of current relationships.
  • The appearance of the 6th Arcana with the Nine of Cups signals carnal pleasure.
  • In the reading of the Ten of Pentacles, the card predicts a long-term relationship.

The tarot cards allow you to learn about the present and the future, to open the veil of secrecy over hidden symbols. To correctly read these symbols, you need to know the meanings of not only each card separately, but also the influence of position on the meaning. nine0003

Best Decision Making Guide

Theodore Roosevelt said, “At the moment of making a decision, the best thing to do is to make the right decision, the worst thing to do is to make the wrong decision, and the worst thing to do is not to make any decision.”

And yet, when it comes to making decisions, we are afraid of taking the wrong step. As a result, we sit idle in the hope that the right decision will come naturally over time. You already know that this is not the best way, especially when it comes to the distribution of work tasks and team management. Instead, it makes sense to identify what skills and tips will help you make faster decisions that previously baffled you. nine0003

“Leaders aren't afraid to make decisions,” says behavioral and marketing psychologist Dr. Elliot Jaffa. "It's only for the followers."

Indeed, the ability to make decisions is one of the pillars of effective leadership. But, no offense to Teddy Roosevelt, this is easier said than done. Let's see what strategies will help you develop decision-making skills.

Obstacles to making the best decisions

We have all had good and bad decisions in our lives. Why is this happening? Many factors influence the consequences of our decisions. nine0003

“One of the obstacles is the false belief that we don't have time to think,” explains Mike Kallet, CEO of HeadScratchers and author of Think Smarter . “It’s stupid because if you don’t think things through well, you will make mistakes and end up wasting more time, not to mention wasted money and missed opportunities.”

As a result, when it comes to decision making, we often prioritize speed over efficiency. “We get paid to do business,” Kallet continues. “And we ourselves like it when the work goes well. And when we take a break to think about a problem, we often feel like we're wasting time." nine0003

Another obstacle to decision making is obsession. “Decision fixation comes from the way our short-term memory works,” says Yolanda Berry, MSc in Behavioral Economics and Principal Consultant at UK Behavioral Economics.

Berry gives a simple example. If you ask someone for the last two digits of their social security number, and then ask them to guess the number of African countries that make up the UN, the number given will be higher if the number was closer to 99 than to one.

“Although there is no direct connection between the two answers, the fact remains that the number left in our short-term memory affects our ability to make correct guesses,” she says.

Decision fatigue is another phenomenon that can seriously affect the search for reasonable decisions. “There is strong evidence that the number of decisions affects their quality,” Berry continues.

Studies have shown that physicians are more likely to prescribe antibiotics at the end of a shift than at the beginning. And judges are more likely to turn down parole requests in the evening than in the morning. This clearly proves that decision fatigue is real. This significantly reduces our chances of making the right choice. nine0003

How to make good decisions

Now that we have identified the barriers to making good decisions, it's time to determine what strategies increase the chances of overcoming them. Here are six tips to improve your own decision-making skills.

1. Get to the heart of the problem

If you don't know where to start, Kallet's advice is to first determine what the problem is—what exactly we have to deal with. By clarifying the essence of the problem, you can better prioritize. nine0003

“Most of the mistakes in decision making come from not fully understanding the problem and not starting from it, but from the solution found,” Cullet explains.

“What is the purpose of our meeting - is it to make a decision by the time it ends, that is, in an hour, or is it to explore all possible options? asks Teresa Houston, Ph.D. and author of How Women Decide in the Harvard Business Review Ideacast. “These are very different goals.” nine0003

By understanding the problem and prioritizing accordingly, you will have a basis for making a more informed decision.

2. Get rid of the need to make secondary decisions

Stop for a moment and remember the most famous entrepreneurs in the world. Now imagine their most famous clothing. Strange request, right? But I bet you're now imagining Steve Jobs' famous black turtleneck or Mark Zuckerberg's unchanging gray T-shirt. nine0003

We have already discussed the impact that decision fatigue has on the quality of our decisions. By delegating responsibilities, automating work, or even forgoing decisions that you don't have to deal with personally, you can save mental resources for more important things.

"Advance planning and decision making will take some of that fatigue away," says Berry.

Preparing the dinner menu for the whole week in advance, shifting the decision of issues that no longer concern you to the shoulders of another employee - this clearing of mental space can help you a lot. nine0003

3. Multiple Choices

“Most people stick to Plan A and never think about Plan B, C, or D,” says Dr. Jaffa. When trying to make a decision, it is important to find options that are truly different from each other.

Houston explains that we easily fall into the trap of being limited to one choice, but convincing ourselves that there really are two: “We often think: should I do this or not? Hire Samantha or not? Should I take a break and walk for half an hour or not? In each of these cases, we have only one choice - I either change something, or stay the same. nine0003

Generally, Houston says, it's best to pick three good alternatives. She gives the example of a company deciding whether to build a garage.

“Instead of having a garage or not, here are three options: build a garage, give all employees bus passes, or let them work one day from home,” she continues. “These are all solutions to the same problem, but they are very different from each other.”

If you find several possible choices, the quality of the final decision will naturally improve. In doing so, you really choose the best opportunity, and do not limit yourself to yes or no frames. nine0003

4. Develop a structured approach

It's strange to try to structure your decision making. But believe me: it can be a good help for you.

“A great way to minimize the impact of fixation and other cognitive biases is to carefully structure your decision-making process,” advises Berry. “Training the brain to follow the same routine can help reduce the impact of extraneous memories.”

This may seem too complicated, but this is a misleading impression. Your procedure can be quite simple - for example, come up with a sequence of questions that you will ask yourself every time you have to make another decision. nine0003

“That's why the most effective project managers always see the risks and dependencies clearly when they plan a project,” continues Berry. “Flow charts, action plans in difficult situations and decision matrices not only help to get rid of cognitive distortions, but also help to make decisions in advance based on a whole block of possible scenarios.”

Sit down and think about how you might structure your decision-making process. Whether it's a sequence of steps to take or items to consider, a chart like this will help you make choices with all the information you need. nine0003

5. Postpone the moment of making a decision

You have probably already heard that before making an important decision, you need to “sleep” with it. If you've previously rolled your eyes and thought it was banal, we advise you not to brush it off so quickly. As it turns out, postponing the important decision a little, you really can make the most successful choice.

"Whether you're actually sleeping or not, the bottom line is that it's always good to push back the moment of choice a bit," Huston says. “It may not be possible to delay it for a week, but even one hour can significantly affect the result.” nine0003

Consider, for example, a study conducted at the School of Business and Economics at Maastricht University: using the Ultimatum game and 168 participants, scientists concluded that postponing a decision a little, we usually achieve the best results.

6. Look outside

When you're trying to solve a problem, it's easy not to see the forest for the trees. That is why scientists advise looking at the situation by asking yourself one question: What advice would you give to a friend in the same situation? nine0208 An outside perspective can give a more objective picture and help to take into account all the available information and different points of view on the problem.

This is supported by research from the University of Waterloo and the University of Michigan. The researchers conducted a survey among 100 people and asked a question about relationships. Some were asked to imagine that their partner or spouse was cheating on them, others that their friend was the victim of infidelity. Participants then filled out a questionnaire that assessed their rational thinking skills. nine0003

“As the researchers expected, respondents who tried to help a friend showed a more rational approach than those who thought about themselves,” explains Melissa Dahl in an article in New York Magazine.

If you feel like you can't make up your mind about anything, try the same tactic and look at the situation from the outside. Ultimately, this will help to find a more reasonable solution.

It's time to make the right decisions

The ability to make the right decisions is one of the most important components of effective leadership. But, unfortunately, this is often easier said than done. nine0003

If you (like many of us) find it difficult to make decisions, here are some helpful strategies that can help you develop this valuable skill: