Is narcissistic personality disorder inherited
Causes of Narcissistic Personality Disorder: Childhood, Genes, & More
Upbringing and childhood environment may be key factors in what causes NPD, but genetics could play a role, too.
Narcissistic personality disorder (NPD) is a complex personality disorder that’s often misunderstood. When you think of NPD, a grandiose sense of self, deep need for admiration, and difficulty empathizing may come to mind.
Someone with NPD can appear charming and self-assured on the surface. While these charismatic traits may look like confidence, they’re often masking insecurities rather than coming from a place of self-esteem.
If you live with NPD, you might be highly sensitive to criticism or have strong reactions to speech or behaviors you see as an insult.
It’s likely that narcissistic personality disorder is caused by several factors, such as environmental circumstances (including the child-parent relationship) and genetics.
You’ve likely heard the phrase “He’s such a narcissist!” thrown around. But where does narcissistic personality disorder factor in?
While most people show behaviors that could be seen as “narcissistic” — like selfishness or entitlement — narcissistic personality disorder is different.
When narcissistic traits disrupt many areas of your life (like your relationships or career), it could mean you meet the criteria for a personality disorder.
In general, NPD consists of patterns that show up in two or more of these areas:
- thinking
- emotions
- interactions with others
- impulse control
A clinician may diagnose narcissistic personality disorder if someone has five or more of these signs and symptoms:
- feelings of self-importance or superiority
- frequent thoughts about being good looking, powerful, or successful
- beliefs that they’re separate, special, or above other people
- a need to be looked up to by others
- feelings of entitlement to special treatment or an expectation that others should cater to what they want
- a tendency to take advantage of or exploit others
- difficulty empathizing with other people’s needs, desires, or emotions
- feelings of envy toward others, or beliefs that other people envy them
- behaviors that seem arrogant or proud
In general, there are at least two subtypes of narcissism: grandiose and vulnerable.
- Grandiose narcissism is what most people may think of as narcissism. People with grandiose narcissism may be more extraverted, have low levels of neuroticism, and openly express feelings of superiority.
- Vulnerable narcissism shares the same basic traits of NPD, but may involve more hidden thoughts and behaviors. Those with vulnerable narcissism tend to have higher levels of neuroticism and need more reassurance.
While they may still feel superiority, people with a vulnerable narcissism subtype tend to be fearful of criticism. In some cases, they may stay away from others as a result.
Environmental factors — such as culture and parenting — could contribute to the development of narcissistic personality disorder.
Some research suggests that narcissism scores were higher in individualistic cultures (which focus more on each person’s rights and goals) compared with collectivistic cultures (which focus more on what’s best for the group).
In the same study, researchers compared narcissistic traits among people who had grown up in former West Germany (an individualistic culture) to those who’d grown up in former East Germany (a more collectivistic culture).
The findings showed that narcissism was higher and self-esteem was lower in those who grew up in West Germany compared to East Germany.
In addition to culture, research suggests that childhood experiences could play an important role in causing NPD.
Negative childhood experiences, like being rejected or criticized by parents, may contribute to NPD in adulthood. At the same time, too much praise from parents could also lead to NPD.
Research suggests there’s a link between different parenting styles and narcissistic traits in adult children.
Still, there’s no “one” parenting behavior that always leads to narcissism.
Instead, combinations of parenting styles and other contributing factors (like genetics) may come together to cause NPD.
In general, these parenting factors are connected to higher levels of narcissism in children:
- overprotective, or “helicopter” parenting
- lack of warmth
- setting few limits or boundaries (leniency)
- praise that promotes perfection or unrealistic expectations (overvaluation)
- maltreatment or abuse
One study found that overprotection was linked to both vulnerable and grandiose narcissism in young adults. And while too much praise was linked to grandiosity, setting too few boundaries was tied to vulnerable narcissism.
Genetics may also play a role in contributing to narcissistic personality disorder.
In a 2014 study involving 304 pairs of twins, researchers found that some NPD traits were somewhat heritable (aka able to be passed on through genetics):
- grandiosity was 23% heritable
- entitlement was 35% heritable
Still, these traits seemed to exist independently from each other.
Older research indicates that NPD could be slightly more heritable than other cluster B personality disorders.
Personality traits may also play a role in how NPD presents.
Grandiose narcissism is generally connected to traits like:
- a sense of entitlement
- open focus on the self
- overpowering or domineering behaviors
On the other hand, vulnerable narcissism is marked by traits including:
- introversion, but self-focused
- high neuroticism (moodiness)
- alternating feelings of extreme pride and deep shame
Risk factors for narcissistic personality disorder are somewhat complex. NPD has been linked to a number of things, including parenting and environmental factors, as well as genetics — but all in a variety of combinations.
Certain parenting styles could be a risk factor for higher levels of narcissism in children. But they’ve often been studied in isolation or in different combinations, and with mixed findings.
Simply being male may be a slight risk factor, as narcissistic personality disorder is diagnosed more often in men.
It’s estimated that NPD affects 7.7% of men and 4.8% of women in the United States.
In the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders (DSM-5), narcissistic personality disorder is a cluster B personality disorder.
Other cluster B personality disorders include:
- antisocial personality disorder
- histrionic personality disorder
- borderline personality disorder
When a person with NPD seeks therapy, it may often be for different reasons other than managing NPD.
A person with NPD might seek therapy due to feelings of emptiness or periods of depression. In some cases, family or loved ones encourage them to seek help for relationship issues caused by NPD.
Diagnosis of NPD can be tricky, as it often coexists with other conditions. And on top of that, NPD can share symptoms with these conditions.
Some common co-occurring conditions for people with NPD include:
- substance use disorder
- anxiety disorders
- mood disorders
- other cluster B personality disorders
If you talk with a mental health pro about a diagnosis, they’ll likely start the process by asking you some questions.
These questions may involve your:
- coping skills
- defense mechanisms
- relationships with others
- long-term patterns of behavior
- childhood
There aren’t any FDA-approved medications for NPD. But if you experience another condition alongside NPD, you might take medication for:
- anxiety
- depression
- mood episodes
- psychosis
- impulse control issues
Certain types of therapy could help people with NPD recognize maladaptive, or unhelpful, thoughts and behaviors that are causing distress to themselves and others.
Transference focused psychotherapy (TFP) is one form of therapy that’s shown some promise for helping people with NPD.
Narcissistic personality disorder is a complex mental health condition that’s not always easy to diagnose.
It can also be tricky to narrow down exactly what causes NPD or predict who’s likely to experience it.
Research has shown there are many environmental and genetic factors — from childhood upbringing to culture to genetics — that contribute to NPD.
But when someone with NPD decides they want to make a change, help is available.
Some types of therapy can help people with NPD accept responsibility for their actions, learn about their feelings and thoughts, and build secure relationships. You can learn more about getting help for NPD here.
Causes of Narcissistic Personality Disorder: Childhood, Genes, & More
Upbringing and childhood environment may be key factors in what causes NPD, but genetics could play a role, too.
Narcissistic personality disorder (NPD) is a complex personality disorder that’s often misunderstood. When you think of NPD, a grandiose sense of self, deep need for admiration, and difficulty empathizing may come to mind.
Someone with NPD can appear charming and self-assured on the surface. While these charismatic traits may look like confidence, they’re often masking insecurities rather than coming from a place of self-esteem.
If you live with NPD, you might be highly sensitive to criticism or have strong reactions to speech or behaviors you see as an insult.
It’s likely that narcissistic personality disorder is caused by several factors, such as environmental circumstances (including the child-parent relationship) and genetics.
You’ve likely heard the phrase “He’s such a narcissist!” thrown around. But where does narcissistic personality disorder factor in?
While most people show behaviors that could be seen as “narcissistic” — like selfishness or entitlement — narcissistic personality disorder is different.
When narcissistic traits disrupt many areas of your life (like your relationships or career), it could mean you meet the criteria for a personality disorder.
In general, NPD consists of patterns that show up in two or more of these areas:
- thinking
- emotions
- interactions with others
- impulse control
A clinician may diagnose narcissistic personality disorder if someone has five or more of these signs and symptoms:
- feelings of self-importance or superiority
- frequent thoughts about being good looking, powerful, or successful
- beliefs that they’re separate, special, or above other people
- a need to be looked up to by others
- feelings of entitlement to special treatment or an expectation that others should cater to what they want
- a tendency to take advantage of or exploit others
- difficulty empathizing with other people’s needs, desires, or emotions
- feelings of envy toward others, or beliefs that other people envy them
- behaviors that seem arrogant or proud
In general, there are at least two subtypes of narcissism: grandiose and vulnerable.
- Grandiose narcissism is what most people may think of as narcissism. People with grandiose narcissism may be more extraverted, have low levels of neuroticism, and openly express feelings of superiority.
- Vulnerable narcissism shares the same basic traits of NPD, but may involve more hidden thoughts and behaviors. Those with vulnerable narcissism tend to have higher levels of neuroticism and need more reassurance.
While they may still feel superiority, people with a vulnerable narcissism subtype tend to be fearful of criticism. In some cases, they may stay away from others as a result.
Environmental factors — such as culture and parenting — could contribute to the development of narcissistic personality disorder.
Some research suggests that narcissism scores were higher in individualistic cultures (which focus more on each person’s rights and goals) compared with collectivistic cultures (which focus more on what’s best for the group).
In the same study, researchers compared narcissistic traits among people who had grown up in former West Germany (an individualistic culture) to those who’d grown up in former East Germany (a more collectivistic culture).
The findings showed that narcissism was higher and self-esteem was lower in those who grew up in West Germany compared to East Germany.
In addition to culture, research suggests that childhood experiences could play an important role in causing NPD.
Negative childhood experiences, like being rejected or criticized by parents, may contribute to NPD in adulthood. At the same time, too much praise from parents could also lead to NPD.
Research suggests there’s a link between different parenting styles and narcissistic traits in adult children.
Still, there’s no “one” parenting behavior that always leads to narcissism.
Instead, combinations of parenting styles and other contributing factors (like genetics) may come together to cause NPD.
In general, these parenting factors are connected to higher levels of narcissism in children:
- overprotective, or “helicopter” parenting
- lack of warmth
- setting few limits or boundaries (leniency)
- praise that promotes perfection or unrealistic expectations (overvaluation)
- maltreatment or abuse
One study found that overprotection was linked to both vulnerable and grandiose narcissism in young adults. And while too much praise was linked to grandiosity, setting too few boundaries was tied to vulnerable narcissism.
Genetics may also play a role in contributing to narcissistic personality disorder.
In a 2014 study involving 304 pairs of twins, researchers found that some NPD traits were somewhat heritable (aka able to be passed on through genetics):
- grandiosity was 23% heritable
- entitlement was 35% heritable
Still, these traits seemed to exist independently from each other.
Older research indicates that NPD could be slightly more heritable than other cluster B personality disorders.
Personality traits may also play a role in how NPD presents.
Grandiose narcissism is generally connected to traits like:
- a sense of entitlement
- open focus on the self
- overpowering or domineering behaviors
On the other hand, vulnerable narcissism is marked by traits including:
- introversion, but self-focused
- high neuroticism (moodiness)
- alternating feelings of extreme pride and deep shame
Risk factors for narcissistic personality disorder are somewhat complex. NPD has been linked to a number of things, including parenting and environmental factors, as well as genetics — but all in a variety of combinations.
Certain parenting styles could be a risk factor for higher levels of narcissism in children. But they’ve often been studied in isolation or in different combinations, and with mixed findings.
Simply being male may be a slight risk factor, as narcissistic personality disorder is diagnosed more often in men.
It’s estimated that NPD affects 7.7% of men and 4.8% of women in the United States.
In the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders (DSM-5), narcissistic personality disorder is a cluster B personality disorder.
Other cluster B personality disorders include:
- antisocial personality disorder
- histrionic personality disorder
- borderline personality disorder
When a person with NPD seeks therapy, it may often be for different reasons other than managing NPD.
A person with NPD might seek therapy due to feelings of emptiness or periods of depression. In some cases, family or loved ones encourage them to seek help for relationship issues caused by NPD.
Diagnosis of NPD can be tricky, as it often coexists with other conditions. And on top of that, NPD can share symptoms with these conditions.
Some common co-occurring conditions for people with NPD include:
- substance use disorder
- anxiety disorders
- mood disorders
- other cluster B personality disorders
If you talk with a mental health pro about a diagnosis, they’ll likely start the process by asking you some questions.
These questions may involve your:
- coping skills
- defense mechanisms
- relationships with others
- long-term patterns of behavior
- childhood
There aren’t any FDA-approved medications for NPD. But if you experience another condition alongside NPD, you might take medication for:
- anxiety
- depression
- mood episodes
- psychosis
- impulse control issues
Certain types of therapy could help people with NPD recognize maladaptive, or unhelpful, thoughts and behaviors that are causing distress to themselves and others.
Transference focused psychotherapy (TFP) is one form of therapy that’s shown some promise for helping people with NPD.
Narcissistic personality disorder is a complex mental health condition that’s not always easy to diagnose.
It can also be tricky to narrow down exactly what causes NPD or predict who’s likely to experience it.
Research has shown there are many environmental and genetic factors — from childhood upbringing to culture to genetics — that contribute to NPD.
But when someone with NPD decides they want to make a change, help is available.
Some types of therapy can help people with NPD accept responsibility for their actions, learn about their feelings and thoughts, and build secure relationships. You can learn more about getting help for NPD here.
The narcissists among us are unpleasant but highly successful people
- Sean Kuklan,
- BBC
Subscribe to our newsletter: it will help you understand the events.
Image copyright, Getty Images
Psychologists have long known that narcissistic people are often annoying and unpleasant to talk to, but studies show that they are often ahead of the curve when it comes to professional success. nine0018
While their personalities may be off-putting to many, psychologists believe that narcissists' inherent sense of superiority over others gives them self-confidence and increases their reluctance to admit defeat.
- How collective narcissism governs world politics
- I can't bear to get married: why do people marry themselves?
- How to Convince Yourself You're Rich
An international team of researchers has concluded that narcissists tend to be highly successful in education, work, and romantic relationships. nine0011
Inflated self-esteem inherent in them contributes to strengthening the feeling of self-confidence.
Narcissism, from the point of view of psychologists, is a personality disorder characterized by a belief in one's own uniqueness, a special position, superiority over other people, an inflated opinion of one's talents and achievements, and preoccupation with fantasies about one's successes.
Image copyright, Getty Images
Image caption,Narcissists have no doubts about their own uniqueness
However, Dr Kostas Papageorgiou, a psychologist at Queen's University Belfast, notes that it is often people with these mental traits who are most successful in society: their inability to accept negative attitudes from others and their thirst for attention can increase motivation and make them charming in the eyes of others of people.
"If you reject the moral attitudes accepted in society and focus only on what brings a person success," says the psychologist, "then in this case narcissism may seem to be an exclusively positive set of qualities." nine0011
"If you have narcissism, you are absolutely convinced that you have no equal and that you deserve a reward," says Papageorgiou.
Crazy About Yourself
Photo Credit, Getty Images
Skip the Podcast and continue reading.
Podcast
What was that?
We quickly, simply and clearly explain what happened, why it's important and what's next.
episodes
End of story Podcast
Such qualities of character can be unbearable for others, but, according to Dr. Papageorgiou, such boundless self-confidence gives people an unbending character and a willingness to respond to external challenges.
Currently, according to the psychologist, narcissism is attracting more and more attention due to the fact that it is widely reflected in popular culture - in social networks, television programs and public politics.
Dr. Papageorgiou is part of a group of psychologists, including scientists from London, Texas and Manchester. Together, they studied the behavior of more than 300 teenagers during high school final exams and concluded that narcissists often score higher on exams, even though their intellectual abilities may be lower than others. nine0011
Psychologists note that along with selfishness and the desire for dominance, people with narcissistic disorder also display such traits as determination and resistance to trials.
Such people are no smarter than others, but have a higher level of confidence and perseverance, which often leads them ahead of more capable students.
Charming monsters
As Dr.
Papageorgiou points out, these differences manifest themselves not only at school, but also later in life - at university and in professional life, as well as in the sphere of love relationships. nine0011
According to him, people with narcissistic syndrome tend to have more sexual partners during their lifetime.
"They are distinguished by the ability to charm. If you spend a lot of time and effort trying to charm and convince others of your unique qualities, in their eyes you often really become an attractive person," notes the psychologist.
He believes that the increase in the number of people who exhibit this behavior may also have an evolutionary component: success in the sexual sphere leads to the fact that narcissists are more successful in spreading their genes. nine0011
According to the scientist, in about 60% of cases, the narcissistic syndrome is inherited; in other cases, it occurs under the influence of the environment.
"Narcissists can behave in the most terrible way in relation to the people around them, - notes the psychologist. - But this is by no means an inevitable reality, since the influence of these character traits is controllable."
"It is important not to allow such people to manipulate others - they can be influenced to curb their negative traits," says Dr. Papageorgiou. "These properties are not positive or negative. They appeared as a result of evolution and should be considered manifestations of human nature." nine0011
how to recognize a moral abuser and fight back
Moral abuse, or abuse, in the Russian context is considered almost a phenomenon that lies within the framework of social norms - but in reality it is often the result of a narcissistic personality disorder. For a healthy person, such communication can be very destructive and can cause deep depression.
T&P told how to identify a moral abuser and fight back.
What is narcissism? nine0101
The very word "abuse" is translated from English as "violence" and "abuse".
Abuse in interpersonal relationships is familiar to most of us - but not everyone knows that they may not be the result of neglect, but the result of narcissistic personality disorder (NPD), which affects one of the participants in the relationship. This pathology occurs in a significant number of people: from 1 to 8% of the total population of the planet, according to various estimates. According to the DSM-V international classification of diseases, it can be defined by the general signs of a personality disorder (grand conceit, fantasies of unlimited power or ideal love, belief in one's "exclusivity", the need for an exaggerated expression of delight in one's address, the illusion of one's own special rights, a tendency to exploit people, lack of ability to empathize, envy and arrogant attitude towards people), which are accompanied by specific violations in the work of the individual and in the process of building interpersonal relationships. nine0011
A person with a narcissistic disorder is self-focused, obsessed with the idea of his own greatness and superiority, clinically incapable of empathy and does not feel guilty for wrongdoing. He devalues what is connected with others and idealizes what is connected with himself. At the same time, the narcissist does not suffer from hallucinations, does not show signs of manic states, and generally gives the impression of a completely healthy person.
Perverse narcissists do not choose weak or insecure people as their "victims". Their target audience is bright smart and smart people. nine0056
Of course, not every person with NPD will start acting out if you get close to him. As with any mental health diagnosis, this one has a fairly wide gradient, so that the patient may or may not be aware of the problem, or may not be fully aware of it, struggle or not, persistently change therapists in search of a truly effective treatment, or methodically bring partners to suicide.
A really dangerous type called "perverse narcissist". This definition was first voiced by the French doctor of psychiatry, specialist in the field of victimology and criminology, Marie-France Yrigoyen, author of the book Moral Harassment.
A distinctive quality of perverted narcissists is the ability to turn any situation on its head, distorting its details and the partner’s conclusions (“perverted” - from the Latin “pervertere” - “pervert, twist”). It is they who choose moral violence as an instrument of interpersonal relations, and it is not easy to get away from them without crippling the psyche. nine0011
How to identify a perverted narcissist?
Perverted narcissists do not choose weak or insecure people as their "victims". Their target audience is bright smart and smart people, open, successful, impressionable, full of optimism and vitality. Often, relationships with perverse narcissists end for their spouses and friends with clinical depression and suicide, even more often with psychological trauma, which then heals for years, if healed at all. A perverted narcissist can be identified by distinctive behaviors that they usually fail to completely disguise, despite developed adaptive skills and a brilliant image.
In general, the following details should alert the potential “victim”. nine0011
1) The person speaks negatively about past partners, blaming them verbosely for problems or a breakup.
2) A person is not inclined to plead guilty and shifts responsibility to others.
3) Having met this person, the partner began to sleep less, eat poorly, lose weight, become dizzy in his presence, or faced other unpleasant changes in the area of well-being. It is generally accepted that lovers and friends of perverted narcissists begin to lose psychosomatics early, and this happens even against the background of a visible absence of problems. nine0011
4) A person seeks to bind a partner to himself as early as possible, up to marriage or moving.
5) Perverse narcissists sometimes have "inhuman reactions", although in general such people carefully monitor their behavior. Like patients with psychopathy, they do not experience emotions in the conventional sense of the word, but they imitate them perfectly.
Narcissists are able to observe others, calculating successful mechanisms of influence, but in unusual circumstances they can show insensitivity, a lust for power, or anything else that lies outside the scope of normal reactions. For example, such a person is able to tell how “well” he punished the offender (and the punishment will look disproportionate to the offense), how witty he used someone, or how interesting it is to watch other people suffer. nine0011
How does abuse work?
Researchers sometimes refer to the first stage of a relationship with a perverse narcissist as a "honeymoon". During this period, a partner can come to visit his “superhero” and find that he has prepared his favorite dish from childhood, or find an exact copy of a long-lost precious pendant on his desk, or get tickets to Bora Bora for a name day. The honeymoon looks perfect, but it can't last forever. After all, in place of self-esteem, a perverse narcissist, figuratively speaking, gapes a bottomless hole into which all the delights of others and his own achievements are sucked in vain.
Due to a personality disorder at heart, such a person feels insignificant, experiences desperate envy and anger. The lack of empathy does not allow him to empathize, and the illusion of his own greatness does not allow him to perceive other people as equals. For a while, the narcissist manages to hold back negative feelings (solely for strategic reasons), but then his patience ends. nine0011
The laws of communication are depreciated, respect disappears, and from a precious chosen one or dear friend, the second person quickly turns into a disenfranchised violator.
The moment this happens, the "honeymoon" ends and the so-called "ice shower" phase begins. A prince or princess suddenly, often in just one terrible day, turns into an unpredictable aggressive creature that attacks a partner with the cruelty of a chimera and manages to turn his whole picture of the world upside down in a few hours. The laws of communication are depreciated, respect disappears, and from a precious chosen one or dear friend, the second person quickly turns into a disenfranchised violator.
nine0011
As is normal for a mentally healthy person, a lover or friend of a patient with NPD in such a situation is likely to begin to suspect that there is some guilt in what happened. This is exactly what the perverted narcissist needs. At the second stage of the relationship, his task is to destroy the partner’s self-esteem, humiliate him and thus assert himself. This is why such people tend to keep partners around, resurrecting honeymoon circumstances as necessary, and then re-assuming their basic aggressive form. nine0011
Boycott and inexplicability
Despite the fact that from the point of view of the victim, the behavior of a perverted narcissist looks unpredictable, in reality this person uses recognizable techniques, which are described in detail in the first Russian-language book on communication techniques for patients with NPD - "Fear, I'm with you" writer and journalist Tatyana Kokina-Slavina:
- "an attack of anger" when a narcissist in a harmless situation suddenly shows wild rage;
- gross violation of an important promise or defiant failure to fulfill obligations; nine0004
- "accidental" disclosure of a shameful secret, which becomes available due to the stuffing of compromising evidence;
- a pause in communication not agreed with the partner - that is, a boycott;
- a statement about an allegedly impending breakup or a frank hint that a breakup may occur, presenting a list of conditions;
- tangible but unmotivated cooling of relations.
Of course, all of the above can happen in relationships without NPD, healthy or not, for a variety of reasons. The following criteria can be used to correctly assess circumstances and test them “for narcissism”:
- presence of a strong negative emotional response,
- suddenness of antics and lack of clear motives,
- denial by the alleged narcissist.
Such denial can take the form of gaslighting, a form of psychological abuse designed to dissuade the partner from what he saw clearly, confuse him, and lead to false conclusions. Typical phrases in this case sound like “nothing happened”, “I don’t understand what you are talking about”, “you complicate everything”, “you overreact to ordinary remarks”, etc. As a rule, such an onslaught greatly deprives balance, so that the person really begins to doubt himself. nine0011
An ugly scene after the "honeymoon" completes the first circle of relationships, and after that communication becomes cyclical.
The positive phases begin to gradually narrow, the negative ones grow, so that the relationship becomes like a manic-depressive disorder, and codependence forms between partners. “Be prepared for more and more frequent cycles,” says Israeli writer and narcissist researcher Sam Vaknin, author of Surviving the Narcissist, Malignant Self-Love, How to Divorce a Narcissist and a Psychopath, and others. and then devalues and discounts the object of its original idealization. This sharp, heartless depreciation is aggression. The narcissist exploits, lies, makes no sense, insults, ignores, manipulates, controls. The narcissist is built almost entirely on control. This is a primitive and immature reaction to circumstances in which the narcissist, most often in childhood, was helpless. nine0011
In dealing with partners, perverted narcissists often appeal to their "hypersensitivity" and tendency to create problems "out of the blue." A person steadily loses his rights in communication with him: the right to ask questions and receive answers, to talk about his feelings and get angry.
Anger and discontent turn out to be "unreasonable" or "irrational". Indeed, in order to gain complete power over a partner and legitimize the absence of human feelings, the perverted narcissist needs to depersonalize him, destroying his “I”. nine0011
In the second stage of the relationship, the perverted narcissist has two recognizable tools: "holding tactics" in dialogue and "waterboarding". The first technique is usually expressed in the fact that the discussion of relationships, as well as the ability to express one's thoughts and feelings, is blocked. The narcissist diverts the topic of conversation, digresses into other things, reduces the conversation to a joke, puts it off for later, mocks, complains of feeling unwell, and devalues the interlocutor in other ways. For example, patients with NPD often display a hostile coldness that is denied. This strategy allows them to make their partner angry and cry, then to ridicule his anger and thus humiliate. nine0011
“Water torture” is performed without raising the voice.
In the process, the narcissist twists, turns inside out, and absurdizes the words of the partner without removing the bored haughty mask. Of course, not everyone can stand this kind of treatment, so many narcissists lose their victims at some point. This causes fear and even panic in them, so that the methods of moral violence are instantly replaced by a new "honeymoon". This game can go on for many months or even years.
How to deal with a perverted narcissist? nine0101
The only way to escape moral abuse from a perverse narcissist is to stop communicating with him. It must be understood that such people behave this way because of mental pathology, and they cannot be re-educated, changed, healed, remade or saved. Only a psychotherapist or psychiatrist, who is able, among other things, to prescribe the necessary medications, can partly solve his problem. Doctors today don't know why patients develop narcissistic personality disorder. Some experts are sure that it is genetically transmitted, others believe that it is only a matter of upbringing, when a person is not paid attention to in childhood, or, on the contrary, they evaluate him too harshly.
In addition, there is a theory that the incidence of NPD increases during unfavorable periods of history. One way or another, none of the narcissists is to blame for getting sick, even if they behave like a sadist. Although this, of course, does not mean that you can allow him to torture himself. nine0011
As with any painful relationship, it is better to leave this one with the support of a psychologist, or even better, a psychotherapist. There is absolutely no shame in asking for help: after all, we do not hesitate to show our injured ankle to the surgeon instead of applying psyllium leaves to it for weeks. Talking with a specialist will help you get over the pain of humiliation and loss, begin to put everything in its place, understand what exactly happened, and find ways to cope with it.
The only way to escape moral abuse from a perverted narcissist is to stop communicating with him.
An intermediate option: to leave the narcissist in place and improve oneself, unfortunately, does not exist.
