I am just not good enough
Always Left Feeling Not Good Enough? The Real Reasons Why
By: Pabak Sarkar
by Andrea M. Darcy
Tried positive thinking and affirmations? Read all the advice about self-confidence?
But deep down still are left feeling not good enough?
I feel like a failure
Low self-worth often stems from very deep-rooted issues. This becomes clear looking at the common reasons for not feeling good enough.
[Want to talk to someone about your secret beliefs you are not good enough? Book a Skype session with a therapist you like, be talking as soon as tomorrow.]
7 Reasons For Feeling Not Good Enough
1.You have hidden core beliefs that are running the show.
The thoughts we actually hear in our heads are far less powerful than those that lurk in our unconscious. Low self worth is inevitably connected to the buried and hidden assumptions about the world, others, and ourselves that we mistake as fact.
These ‘core beliefs‘ are often formed when we were children, with a child’s simple perspective. So they can be surprisingly dramatic and untrue. And yet we unwittingly base all our life decisions around them.
For example, a child with a parent who suddenly leaves one day without offering a reason is not evolved to understand an adult having a mental breakdown, or running off for space after a fight. In the child’s mind, the core belief ‘if you love someone they leave you’ takes hold. Even if the parent comes back a few days later the belief sticks, and the child grows into an adult who never lets anyone close.
2. If you listen deeply, your inner voice is actually critical and judgemental.
By: Alejandro Forero Cuervo
It is easy is to convince ourselves we are ‘positive thinkers’.
And yet many of us don’t actually take the time to properly listen to our thoughts. If we do, we might discover it’s a radio show of negativity.
Mindfulness is a wonderful technique for slowing down enough to hear your thoughts clearly. It is about listening and letting go to thoughts without judgement. Learn more in our free ‘Guide to Mindfulness’.
3. You surround yourself with critical people.
Of course some of us don’t even need negative thoughts to ensure we always feel not good enough. We let other people do the job for us by consciously choosing toxic friendships and unhealthy relationships.Then others put us down no matter how hard we try.
4. You had critical, demanding, or aloof parent(s) that left you feeling not good enough.
Yes, perhaps you had a ‘good childhood’. You lived in a nice house, your parents never divorced. You never wanted for anything.
But then again, perhaps you did. Perhaps you wanted for the approval and love that every child needs.
If your parent(s) always wanted you to smarter, or quieter, or sportier, or if they favoured your sibling…. ? Whatever it was, the message was that you were not enough as is. It might have just been that your parent was not good at loving due to their own unresolved issues.
As children we naturally seek approval and love. So we learn to suffocate our real personality and become the ‘good’ child, at the price of turning into an adult who never feels a sense of worth.
5. You main caregiver couldn’t offer you stability or safety.
Some children have a parent who is simply unable to offer them an environment of safety where they can trust their parent to be there for them. Perhaps you parent was an alcoholic, suffered depression, or was in a toxic relationship that demanded all their attention.
If a parent is unwell the child can feel responsible for the parent’s happiness. If only you acted a certain way, did certain things, were somehow a better/smarter child your parent would be ok. But of course a child can’t fix such a parent or situation. So their endless codependency evolves into a belief they are not good enough somehow.
6. You didn’t get enough ‘attachment’ as a kid.
By: Beatrice Murch
What both these points about parenting involve is not having a caregiver who was able to offer unconditional love and trust, or what is called ‘attachment’ in psychology.
Attachment theory believes that for the first seven years of life a child absolutely needs unconditional love and to be able to trust his or her primary caregiver. If this doesn’t happen, we can end up with ‘anxious attachment’, which involves never trusting yourself or others and lacking confidence.
7. You experienced strong trauma(s) in the past.
Of course one way to develop negative core beliefs quickly as a child does not necessarily involve poor parenting.
Childhood trauma decimates a child’s sense of worth.
Most children feel responsible for the trauma, particularly if it is physical abuse or sexual abuse. They internalise the idea they are bad and worthless, so deserved it.
So is feeling not good enough always all about the past?
It is inevitable that the environments and experiences of our childhood affected us. Of course there are other factors. Some of us born with a naturally more sensitive personality, for example, so suffer more.
And sometimes it is a marked trauma as an adult that leaves us not feeling good enough, such as a betrayal. Even then, though, we will find our confidence an self-worth suffers more, and we take longer to recuperate, if we had previous trauma in our early life or poor parenting.
What sorts of therapy help?
If trawling through your past just isn’t your thing, take heart. Cognitive behavioural therapy (CBT) is shown to raise self-esteem, and it does so by focusing on your present day issues and changing the way you respond to thoughts.
And humanistic therapies like person-centred therapy can help your confidence by showing you the personal resources you already have, and helping you grow these inner resources and use them to make better choices. Or try compassion-focused therapy (CFT), which teaches you how to be gentler with yourself and others.
Want help to overcome not feeling enough in life? We put you in touch with top talk therapists in central London locations. Not in London or even the UK? Find a quality Skype therapist on our sister site.
Still have a question about low self worth? Post in our comment box below.
Andrea M. Darcy is our lead writer and is also a therapy consultant helping people find the right therapy for them. She grew up in a radical fear-based Christian group that meant she hit adulthood with no self-esteem and had to build it herself. These days, feeling good about herself is second nature.
7 Things to Remember When You Think You’re Not Good Enough
“We can’t hate ourselves into a version of ourselves we can love.” ~Lori Deschene
Sometimes I am really terrible to myself, and I relentlessly compare myself to other people, no matter how many times I read or hear about how good enough or lovable I am.
On an almost daily basis, I meticulously look for evidence that I am a nobody, that I don’t deserve to be loved, or that I’m not living up to my full potential.
There is generally a lot of pressure to “stack up” in our culture. We feel as if there is something wrong with us if, for example, we’re still single by a certain age, don’t make a certain amount of money, don’t have a large social circle, or don’t look and act a certain way in the presence of others. The list could truly go on forever.
Sometimes in the midst of all the pressure, I seem to totally forget all the wonderful, unique things about myself.
I get stuck in my head and allow my inner critic to completely tear apart my self-esteem until I hate myself too much to do anything except eat ice cream, watch daytime television, and sleep.
The other day, while I was beating myself up over something I can’t even recall at the moment, I read a comment from one of my blog readers telling me that one of my posts literally got them through the night. Literally. And if that one simple word was used in the intended context, this person was basically telling me that one of my posts saved their life.
I get comments like these on a pretty regular basis, and they always open my eyes to just how much I matter, regardless of my inner critic’s vehement objections.
Such comments also open my eyes to all the things we beat ourselves up over that don’t matter—like whether or not we look like a Victoria’s Secret model in our bathing suit, or whether or not we should stop smiling if we’re not whitening our teeth, or whether or not the hole in our lucky shirt is worth bursting into tears over.
Lately I’ve been trying harder to catch myself when I feel a non-serving, self-depreciating thought coming on. And I may let these thoughts slip at times, but that’s okay because I’m only human.
While my self-love journey is ongoing, here are a few things I try to remember when I’m tempted to be mean to myself:
1. The people you compare yourself to compare themselves to other people too.
We all compare ourselves to other people, and I can assure you that the people who seem to have it all do not.
When you look at other people through a lens of compassion and understanding rather than judgment and jealousy, you are better able to see them for what they are—human beings. They are beautifully imperfect human beings going through the same universal challenges that we all go through.
2. Your mind can be a very convincing liar.
I saw a quote once that read, “Don’t believe everything you think.” That quote completely altered the way I react when a cruel or discouraging thought goes through my mind. Thoughts are just thoughts, and it’s unhealthy and exhausting to give so much power to the negative ones.
3. There is more right with you than wrong with you.
This powerful reminder is inspired by one of my favorite quotes from Jon Kabat-Zinn: “Until you stop breathing, there’s more right with you than wrong with you. ”
As someone who sometimes tends to zoom in on all my perceived flaws, it helps to remember that there are lots of things I like about myself too—like the fact that I’m alive and breathing and able to pave new paths whenever I choose.
4. You need love the most when you feel you deserve it the least.
This was a recent epiphany of mine, although I’m sure it’s been said many times before.
I find that it is most difficult to accept love and understanding from others when I’m in a state of anger, shame, anxiety, or depression. But adopting the above truth really shifted my perspective and made me realize that love is actually the greatest gift I can receive during such times.
5. You have to fully accept and make peace with the “now” before you can reach and feel satisfied with the “later.”
One thing I’ve learned about making changes and reaching for the next rung on the ladder is that you cannot feel fully satisfied with where you’re going until you can accept, acknowledge, and appreciate where you are.
Embrace and make peace with where you are, and your journey toward something new will feel much more peaceful, rewarding, and satisfying.
6. Focus on progress rather than perfection and on how far you’ve come rather than how far you have left to go.
One of the biggest causes of self-loathing is the hell-bent need to “get it right.” We strive for perfection and success, and when we fall short, we feel less than and worthless. What we don’t seem to realize is that working toward our goals and being willing to put ourselves out there are accomplishments within themselves, regardless of how many times we fail.
Instead of berating yourself for messing up and stumbling backward, give yourself a pat on the back for trying, making progress, and coming as far as you have.
7. You can’t hate your way into loving yourself.
Telling yourself what a failure you are won’t make you any more successful. Telling yourself you’re not living up to your full potential won’t help you reach a higher potential. Telling yourself you’re worthless and unlovable won’t make you feel any more worthy or lovable.
I know it sounds almost annoyingly simple, but the only way to achieve self-love is to love yourself—regardless of who you are and where you stand, and even if you know you want to change.
You are enough just as you are. And self-love will be a little bit easier every time you remind yourself of that.
About Madison Sonnier
Madison is a writer of feelings and lover of animals, music, nature and creativity. You can follow her blog at journeyofasoulsearcher.blogspot.com/ and buy her first eBook through Amazon. She loves making new friends, so be sure to say hi if you like what you see!
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Quotes about what is not good enough: current school news
Filed in quotation by Dynamic Energy July 21, 2022
– Quotes About Not Good Enough –
Are you looking for quotes about the feeling of inferiority in someone's eyes? Top quotes have been collected for you that you are not good enough, sayings, messages, statuses and signatures.
While it's important to understand that their immaturity doesn't mean you're unworthy, these not good enough quotes will nonetheless make you feel less alone if you ever feel that way. nine0003
1. "Nothing will break you faster than offering your best to someone and that's still not good enough." — MV Poetry
2. “I guess I'm just not good enough for anyone. I can't force anyone to stay. I'm not even good enough to explain. - Unknown
3. “She doubted her beauty because of him, he left scars on her self-esteem ...” - Rh sin
4. “And if you don’t like me, how do you like me; I understand. Because who would really pick a daisy in a field of roses? - Unknown
5. “If I asked you to name everything you love, how long would it take you to name yourself?” - Unknown
6. “Honey, the right guy will make you a priority. If you feel like you're not good enough, it's because he's not good enough." — Steve Maraboli
7. “The only person who deserves a special place in your life is someone who has never made you feel like you are his version.” ― Shannon L. Alder
8. and you drink too much and try too hard. And you go home to a cold bed and think, "That was great." And your life is a long line of beauty." ― Gillian Flynn. Quotes About Not Good Enough
9. “Never get mad at repairs. There is nothing good in anger. Are you angry with someone? The sun is setting, just drop it now." ― Israelmore Ivor
10. “But I wasn't good enough. You have to understand this about me - I'm not a hero; not one who uses unknown reserves of courage; not one who succumbs to circumstances. I am an understudy who chokes on his lines when he is forced to come on stage. I've never, never been good enough." ― Dexter Palmer
11. “I was never good enough for my mom and she never let me forget it,” I whisper as soon as we get to the front of their house, “Ryan doesn’t say a word, but sometimes he makes me feel that way. ” ". - nine0003
12. "You're not good enough." God, that voice; nails on the board. I want to drown that voice in buckets of piss!” ― Efrat Cibulkevich
13. "Stop thinking you're not good enough."
14. "What a fool I am, thinking I'm good enough."
15. "I'll never be good enough for anyone."
16. "If the best is possible, good is not enough."
17. "I'm really sorry that I'm not good enough."
18. "You can never be good enough." - Debbie Fields
19. "I'm sorry that everything I do is not good enough."
20. "I don't think I'll ever be your first choice."
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21. "Sometimes I feel useless, like white chalk."
22. “I will never be good enough for you. I understand."
23. "Stop looking for happiness in the place where you lost it. "
24. "Self-doubt is the anchor that keeps our ships from sailing."
25. "You did everything you could, but it's still not enough."
26. "I seem to live every day trying to impress someone."
27. "Good enough is never good enough." - Alfred Bertram Guthrie
Good enough or smart quotes
28. "If something isn't good enough, stop doing it" - Jonathan Ive. nine0003
29. "No matter how hard I try, I've never been good enough for you."
30. “Better is not good enough; the best is yet to come!” - TB Joshua
31. "Better than nothing is not enough for you!" — Greg Behrendt.
32. “I'm sorry I'm not good enough for you. But trust me, I tried to be like that."
33. "Good is not good enough when the best is expected."—Lou Lamoriello
34. "Don't let anyone make you feel like you're not good enough." nine0003
35. "First of all, never think you're not good enough." - Anthony Trollope.
36. "At your best, you still won't fit the wrong person."
37. "When people say you're not good enough, ignore them."
38. “I don't blame you for leaving me. I blame myself for not being good enough."
39. "Just the way you did last time wasn't good enough." - Michael Jackson. Quotes About Not Good Enough
40. "Sometimes I feel like I'll never be good enough for anyone or anything."
41. "I am learning to love the sound of my footsteps moving away from things that are not meant for me." — AG
42. "I hate to hear something absolutely kills you from the inside and having to act like you don't care."
43. "And it's easy to believe you're not good enough if you listen to everyone else." - Mackenzie Astin.
44. “It's a lie to think you're not good enough. It's a lie to think you're worthless." - Nick Vujicic nine0003
45. “No matter how good a woman you are, you will never be good enough for a person who is not “ready”.
46. "The worst feeling in the world is knowing you did your best and it still wasn't good enough."
47. "Your efforts will never be enough when they are spent on the wrong person." Quotes about not being good enough
48. “Shame is the strongest, It's the fear that we're not good enough.” - Brené Brown.
49. “We are afraid of failure, ridicule, rejection. We're afraid we're not good enough." - Rhonda Britten
50. “Rejection doesn't mean you're not good enough; it means that the other person has failed to notice what you are offering.”
51. “And above all, never think that you yourself are not good enough. A man should never think that way.” – Isaac Asimov
52. "Sometimes I feel like no matter how hard I try, no matter how much I give, I'll never be good enough for anyone." Quotes About Not Good Enough
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53. “Come on. Tell me that I'm not good enough. Tell me I can't do this because I'll show you over and over again what I can do."
54. “I guess I'm just not good enough for anyone. I can't force anyone to stay. I'm not even good enough to explain. nine0003
55. “You're good enough, smart enough, pretty enough, and strong enough. Believe it and never let uncertainty rule your life."
56. "You will never be good enough for everyone, but you will always be good enough for someone who really appreciates you."
57. “The way you talk about yourself / the way you humiliate yourself / to nothingness / is an insult.” —
58. “I can’t even explain what I feel anymore, my thoughts are so confused in my head that I don’t even understand them.” - Unknown
59. “There is always a way to get better. You can never be satisfied. You can never say, "That's enough." - Kron Gracie.
60. "Be patient in everything, but above all in yourself." — Francis de Salle
61. “It's a lie to think you're not good enough. It's a lie to think you're worthless. - Nick Wujisik
62. “Darling, the right guy will make you a priority. If you feel like you're not good enough, it's because he's not good enough." — Steve Maraboli
Smart enough or cool quotes
63. “All you can do is all you can do… If all you can do is still not good enough, then do something else.”
64. "The moment someone tells you or makes you feel like you're not good enough, that's the moment you know you're better than them."
65. “Don't let anyone make you feel like you're not good enough, smart enough, or cool enough. Mind your own business.” – Benji Madden nine0003
66. “Never say you're not good enough. If that person doesn't see how great you are, then they're not good enough."
67. "Nothing knocks you off your feet faster than offering your best self to someone and that's still not good enough." — MV Poetry
68. “I wanted to be everything you love. And yet, unfortunately, I'm haunted by the thought that I never lived up to your standards.
69. “There comes a point when you have to realize that you will never be good enough for some people. The question is, is this your problem or theirs? nine0003
70. “We start to feel not good enough and we take our heart energy and feel our true expression and it hurts!” - Agapio Stasinopoulos.
71. “I put a lot of pressure on myself. I feel like something is wrong and I won't stop until I feel like I did it. I'm never satisfied." — Jay Cole
72. “Don't let anyone tell you that you're not good enough. You're good enough, you're too good. Love your family with all your heart and listen to them.” — Gerard Way Quotes About Not Good Enough
73. “The nice, right guy will make you a priority. If you feel like you're not good enough, it's because he's not good enough." — Steve Maraboli
74. “Never think you're not good enough yourself. A man should never think that. People will take you very much at your own risk. — Anthony Trollope
75. “I was never good enough, not for you, nor for those who came before you, I was never worth your love, and every time I thought you looked at me you never saw me." nine0003
76. "They never hurt your feelings or make you feel like you're not good enough, but rather strengthen you and show you what makes you special and even beautiful." -
77. “Sometimes things go wrong even when you do your best. It just shows that none of us are perfect. So I keep trying with all my heart, and if that's not enough, I'm not going to hang my head." — Louis Tiant
78. “Don't let anyone tell you who you can be. Don't let anyone tell you that you're not good enough or smart enough. Remember that there is no one better than you. Everyone puts on their pants one leg at a time.” — Farrah Grey. nine0003
79. “There is not a single land that has never felt unaccepted. At some point in our lives we feel like we're not good enough, but we have to take a step back and realize that we're good. " - Jussie Smollett
80. "Never let anyone tell you that you or your dreams are impossible, incredible, or not good enough for their taste, especially if they have no experience or knowledge of your true heart and powers." -
81. "And it hurts that I can't be what everyone wants or needs, and it hurts that I can't be what I want or need because I'm not enough and I won't be enough and I'll never be close enough and I'm just fucking tired. nine0003
82. “You are good. But it's not enough to just be good. You must be good for something. You must be of service to the world. The world should be a better place because of your presence. And the good that is in you should spread to others.
83. “You must understand that if you are not signed right away, it is not because you are not talented. It's not because you're not good enough. The stars must align perfectly to get the contract. And sometimes it works and sometimes it doesn't." - Carmen Rasmusen nine0003
If you find these quotes encouraging, mentally remember the ones that spoke to you and think of them whenever you feel down and need motivation.
Belief "I'm not good enough", Psychology - Gestalt Club
Belief "I'm not good enough"
- Author of the article: Anna Maksimova
If you continue this phrase, you get "I'm not good enough in order to be loved, to be loved. "And this conviction - cornerstone of low self-esteem. Beliefs follow. about his unworthiness of something good: well-being, decent men, health, career advancement, success, and ultimately account, again, love. nine0003
And these beliefs give rise to great anxiety. own mistakes and failures are heavily criticized, and successes and achievements are depreciate. That is, if I make a mistake, it is because I - stupid, stupid, inattentive and other "not-so-as-it-is-needed". But if you have achieved something, then it seems to be a matter of chance, coincidence or just not important enough to prescribe in their merits, it does not matter. Anyone could. This too easy to be proud of. And a new sky-high bar that must be reached in order to feel sufficient. And of course, such cockroaches come from childhood. Where else! When a child does not know unconditional love from the outside parents. nine0003
The process of upbringing seemed to be permeated with a message, parental broadcast "You're not good enough for us to love you." Child feels a lack of attention, care (not functional feed-drink-sleep put to bed, namely, attentive care, with taking into account the needs of the baby), affection, tenderness. Wherein, there is criticism for mistakes, due to which another belief in the piggy bank of self-doubt: "I have no right make mistakes, my mistakes say that I'm bad. "And in a bunch to criticism - depreciation of the merits of the child, their ignoring. Parents were not proud of the success of the child, did not rejoice at them, did not recognized the significance and importance of victories. nine0241 The child is small, it is difficult for him to understand the background of such an attitude. AND also, children are self-centered, that is, everything that happens to them - connect with themselves. If something bad happens, it's because they did something bad or because they are bad themselves. A trivial conclusion follows from this: if they don’t love me, then I don’t I deserve love, I'm not good enough... Therefore, I need to become good. Be helpful, help, do good, achieve success, new heights, go through the entire social ladder to the very top. Observe all social canons of righteous social life. nine0003
True, this does not reduce anxiety. After all, any success depreciate, and because of mistakes and shortcomings, you engage in self-criticism. Reinforcing again and again the conviction "well, yes, exactly, not enough good." What you run from always comes back. get rid of the feeling of worthlessness, unlovedness, unworthiness with every mistake, and with every merit - you run back into that or self-depreciation. But here's a trick you can do: translate focus of attention from yourself to those people from whom the message "you not good enough. " As I said above, the child is self-centered. And if they don’t like me, then it’s my fault, something is wrong with me. And this perception helps to avoid feeling powerless. That's why that with the attitude of significant people, significant adults, I have nothing can't help it, I can't fix another to love me. But I can fix myself, I can reshape myself. nine0003
The child diverts attention from what he has no control over to what under his control - himself. So here's to letting go belief "I'm not good enough", it's useless to argue with yourself and prove otherwise. Keep a diary of success, forgive your oversights, rewrite their virtues and blah blah blah. because it again focuses on itself, it is like an attempt to prove to myself that I deserve. But there is no love! good attitude towards I don't! Remember who you expected the relationship from "You certainly good and loved "and from whom this relationship was not.
From whom it was important to receive this, but who could not give it? And attention now you need to focus on these people. What happened in their lives that they could not give unconditional love, could not care, could not nourish affection? What went on in their minds and hearts? What could be the life history of these people, that they filled with a resource in order to love you fully and carefully? And then a personal story grows: the children themselves from the orphanage, survived hungry times when there was nothing to eat, their own parents did not pay attention to them, or even were alcohol addicts, social instability, lack of money, depression, forced to work for several jobs, fatigue, exhaustion, ill health, psychological problems. nine0003
When the understanding of the processes that took place in the soul of those adults from whom there was not enough love, then will come the realization that with me, it turns out, everything is in order! Everything is with me OK. All that remains is to grieve, mourn, cry out the experience a childhood that lacked love. Further, if I'm fine, I'm fine, I deserve both love and advancement at work, and a good attitude, and respect.