I want my best friend back

Why We Drift & 20 Ways to Feel Close

You think you will be BFFs forever, but sometimes that doesn’t happen. So, if you want to get your best friend back, here are the ways you can do it.

Did you have a big fight with your best friend? Or have they been hanging out with someone else lately? These things happen. However, just because you two are in a slump doesn’t mean the friendship is over. There are ways to get your best friend back.

Why do friendships end?

When you are best friends with someone, you think that you will be that close for the rest of your lives. But that’s not always what happens. Sure, we expect our romantic relationships to end, but not our friendships.

So, if you want to get your best friend back, then you are probably wondering why it even ended in the first place? Well, you may already know. But then again, you might not. So, let’s start with discussing all the different ways a best friendship could end.

There are two main ways: drifting apart and a deliberate ending.

[Read: One-sided friendship – 15 clear signs it’s time to cut them loose]

Drifting apart

This is probably the most common way that best friends end their relationships. Let’s face it – life is always changing.

People grow up, move, and their paths can go two different directions. So, here are some of the ways you can drift apart from your best friend.

1. Graduation

Even if you knew your best friend from birth, there always comes a time when life changes drastically, and a graduation is usually that point for a lot of people.

Whether it’s high school, college, or graduate school, getting your diploma or degree usually makes people change their lives.

2. Marriage

If one or both of the best friends get married, that can change the friendship too. Let’s say just one of them got married and the other one is single.

Well, those are two very different worlds. The married one will be hanging out with their spouse all the time, and the single one will be going out and trying to find “the one. ” So, suddenly, their relationship status is very different from each other. [Read: Losing a friend – 30 ways to face the pain of best friends drifting away]

3. Kids

Having kids is similar to your marital status – it changes your life a lot. But children change your life even more.

When you have a baby, your life is no longer your own. You can’t be selfish anymore and do whatever you want, whenever you want. Instead, you have to prioritize your child or children before anyone else – even your best friend.

4. Geography

Some people never leave their home town, while others move half way around the world from where they were born.

So, if one or both of you moved far away from the other, it’s much more difficult to maintain a close relationship long distance. You can’t see each other face-to-face anymore, and you’ll both probably form new friendships in your new place of residence.

5. Age differences

When we’re young, it’s more likely that we will have friends of our own age. But as life goes on, sometimes we can become best friends with someone who is much older or younger than us. And that might not be a problem, but perhaps down the line, it will be.

For example, maybe the two of you both have kids. But the older friend’s children grow up and move out before the other one’s. Then, one is in the empty nest phase, while the other one is not. [Read: 24 signs you have really shitty friends and need to get some new ones]

6. Incompatibility

Just as you can grow apart from a romantic partner, you can with a friend too. Maybe one of you started to get into partying and the other one didn’t want to follow that path.

Or one is an extrovert and the other one is an introvert. As time goes by, both people’s true inner selves begin to reveal themselves. And unfortunately, sometimes they discover that they are simply not compatible with each other anymore.

Deliberate ending

Sometimes friendships don’t just drift apart. They can end suddenly – or even explosively – much the same way that a romantic relationship might end.

These are much more painful to go through, but they do happen. And here’s why. [Read: Clingy friend – what makes them and 22 easy ways to fix the friendship]

7. Misunderstanding

Let’s say that your friend’s boyfriend decided to give you a call to ask advice about them. You don’t want to talk to their boyfriend, but you’re trying to be nice.

If your friend finds out, they might think that you are emotionally cheating with their partner. You’re not, but you can’t convince your friend otherwise. Big misunderstandings can lead to sudden endings of friendships.

8. Betrayal

You can take the above scenario and take it from a misunderstanding into an outright betrayal. Maybe one of you really did try to steal the other person’s romantic partner.

That is a huge no-no in friendships. But it does happen. Whether it’s cheating, lying or some other betrayal, this is bound to end a friendship. [Read: When best friends become enemies]

How to get your best friend back – The most important steps that work

Now that you know how and why friendships can end, let’s talk about how you can get your best friend back.

You can still save the relationship. All you need to do is you just need to figure out how. So, don’t go burning all your memories and photographs in a rage, here are some helpful tips for getting your best friend back.

1. Assess what happened

Did you two just fizzle out or was it a fight that resulted in you two splitting up? This may sound like a breakup, and it actually is. Your best friend is your pea in a pod, so obviously, this is upsetting. You need to evaluate what happened and figure out where it went wrong.

If you’re not sure, you can always talk to someone you trust about the situation and see what they think. Sometimes it’s easier to get a third party opinion on the matter to see if you did something wrong. They also help you realize where your behavior was inappropriate.

2. Give them space

Sometimes, they just need a time out, some space on their own without you hunting them down. You probably think talking right away is the best way to fix the situation but for some, it’s not. So, take some time off from them and wait to see if they message you first.

If they don’t, message them after a week of not speaking. If you tried to contact them earlier and they don’t respond, give it more time. They’ll reply when they’re ready.

3. Put yourself in your best friend’s shoes

Sometimes it’s hard to understand why your friend isn’t speaking to you, but they’re your best friend for a reason. You know them, you know what they’re like. What you need to do is put yourself in their shoes and see how they’re feeling. Maybe you said something very hurtful.

Take some time to think about it. This tip goes great with #2 because, during that time out, you’ll have the time to also think about how they’re feeling. [Read: Good friends are like stars – 18 ways to build lasting friendships]

3. Make amends

Someone has to apologize. Whether it’s you or them. If you don’t think you did anything wrong, well, evaluate whether or not you need to apologize. Sometimes it’s better to say sorry and save the friendship.

Even if you didn’t think what you did was wrong, someone will have to be the bigger person and take that step in order to move past the situation. So, if you want to be friends again, you’re going to have to say you’re sorry. [Read: 16 things you need to give up to have a happier life]

4. Don’t get defensive

Whatever the reason is, you may feel the need to get defensive. Maybe your friend is hanging out with a girl you don’t like, and of course, it’s going to look like you’re jealous, because you are.

So, before you start swearing and telling her that her new friend is a skank, just take it down a notch. This isn’t going to get her back.

In fact, your best friend is probably going to distance herself from you. So, take a deep breath whenever you feel like you’re going to say something you regret.

5. Let them speak

When you’re on a roll and really trying to make your point clear, you basically end up swallowing the conversation. So, let them speak. Sure, you have a lot to say, but this is your best friend.

Just calm down and listen. And by listening, we mean waiting for your turn to talk. Be present in the moment. If you let them talk, it shows them that you care and want to fix the situation. [Read: How to fight fair with someone and grow closer]

6. Talk about what you need to change

If your fight was because you drink too much, then you need to make some changes in your life. Or if you criticize your friend too much, just back off.

If you want to get your best friend back, these are things you need to change, and you need to tell your friend that. It shows you’re aware of your actions and how they affect your friend.

7. Put in some effort

Now that you finished discussing the situation and everything seems like it’s in the clear, put some effort into the relationship. Give your best friend a call or text something about your day.

It doesn’t have to be an important text, and it can be small talk. Anything to help you move on from what you experienced. This also shows your interest in rebuilding the friendship. [Read: The 8 kinds of friends everyone needs in their life]

8. Go out

So, that awkward part is over and done with. Now, you need to get your friendship back to normal. Do everything you normally do with your best friend.

Go for a walk, watch a movie, go to the mall. Whatever it is, just make a plan and do something fun together. If you stay quiet after making amends, it puts you both in a weird spot and keeps you dwelling on the past.

9. Be persistent

If your friend ignores you and doesn’t let you speak to them, be persistent. Okay, that doesn’t mean calling them every hour and leaving 30 voice mails on their phone.

If you really want them in your life though, you won’t give up on the friendship. The situation may be sticky, but that doesn’t mean you can’t fix the relationship. [Read: How to avoid the awkward tension after an argument]

10.

Remind them of a memory

Sometimes people get wrapped up in the negative mindset that they forget about the positive memories they shared with you.

Remind them why you’re best friends. Maybe you have some funny pictures or memorabilia to make them think about the good times they shared with you. You need to show them these things.

11. Do something special for them

Maybe their favorite treat is red velvet cupcakes. Why don’t you bake them some? Or maybe their favorite band is coming to town to play. Go see it with your best friend. Who cares if you don’t like it. You’re trying to save the friendship!

Do something that shows them you care and that you want it to work out. [Read: 18 insightful reasons why you don’t have any friends]

12. Be public with it

Okay, you don’t need to make a sign saying, “we’re best friends again” and display it at City Hall. But, if you want to get your best friend back, post things on their Facebook page or like their statuses and photos.

This is actually a pretty good way of saying sorry. Don’t overdo it by liking and commenting on everything. But even posting a YouTube on her page can do the trick. Thank god for Facebook, eh?

[Read: 22 signs your best friend isn’t your best friend anymore and why you drifted]

A best friend isn’t easy to find and once you have someone that knows you like the palm of your hand, you don’t want to let them go. So, follow these steps, and you’ll get your best friend back.

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How to get a friend back after you hurt them

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Friendships go through rough patches from time to time. As humans, it’s normal to sometimes disagree with friends.

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However, friendships can be tricky and they can be broken in an instant if you don’t maintain them or keep the lines of communication open but don’t worry! It is never too late to get your friend back.

So today I’m sharing how to get a friend back after you hurt them. No, this is not the kind of hurt where the friendship has ended permanently.

We’re talking more like one of those situations where someone did something really wrong but it wasn’t out of malice or with bad intentions. So let’s share how to get get back into friendship mode.

It is important to revive relationships from the past.

One of the worst arguments I ever got into with a friend was due to miscommunication on both of our parts. It was my bachelorette weekend and I felt very little effort was taken into planning it.

My friend felt I was unappreciative.

We both said things we shouldn’t have said. If you want to start over or get your friend back, this guide will help you figure out the steps you need when it comes to how to get a friend back after you hurt them including my own personal experience.

1. Acknowledge what happened

Some people get into arguments and pretend it never happened. Acting like a situation never happened may work for some but it doesn’t help prevent the situation from ever occurring again.

It’s doesn’t allow both parties to understand each other. It doesn’t help both parties understand what went wrong and how to improve in the future so it doesn’t occur again.

Acknowledge what happened, first. Don’t ignore it. Don’t act like it never happened. Don’t suppress it. Acknowledge the situation for what it is.

2. Apologize to your friend

Second, you’ll need to apologize to your friend for what happened. An apology isn’t about making excuses or playing the blame game; it’s simply expressing regret.

So make sure, to be honest with yourself when thinking about how you’ve wronged them and accept responsibility for any part you had in breaking up the friendship.

It’s not just enough that they know that you’re sorry, but also that they feel like you understand where they’re coming from. An effective apology can immediately clear the air and set the tone for rekindling friendship conditions again.

If your friendship was broken due to something that happened a while ago, then apologize and explain that you didn’t think it was relevant anymore but you’ll do whatever is necessary for them to no longer feel hurt despite the time that has passed.

If your friendship is just starting to sour, then apologize for whatever went wrong and ask them what would help them forgive you.

3. Make time for some friendship activities

Once your apology has been accepted, make time for the friendship and activities. Perhaps going out to eat, going to a duo paint night, or something that will allow you two to start rekindling your friendship.

I don’t suggest waiting around after the apology and not interacting with each other because it may make the friendship problems worse. Especially if they feel like you’re blowing them off or trying to brush the issue under the rug.

It’s also important that you don’t use this excuse as a way of avoiding friendship issues in general. Plan time to hang out, chat or partake in friendship activities together.

If you’re seeing your friend more frequently, then that’s a good sign that friendship conditions are headed in the right direction!

I asked a few of my friends for their advice when it comes to how to get a friend back after you hurt them. Here’s what they say…

“Apologize for what happened and tried to meet up with them soon after. I highly recommend treating them if you were in the wrong. Treating them to dinner or a drink”
Learn how to be the bigger person and sincerely apologize when you’re wrong. Not only that, but learn from the situation. No one wants apology after apology if the actions remain the same. Apologize and change your actions.

Friendships go through rough patches. As humans, it’s totally normal to sometimes get into disagreements with friends.

However, it’s also important to acknowledge, apologize and ensure actions moving forward align with that apology so you can have a healthy, happy and thriving friendship with your pal.

What to read next:

How to reconnect with someone you stopped talking to
How to cheer a friend up over text
How to make female friends as an adult

PIN FOR LATER! How to get a friend back after you hurt them

6 steps to get your ex friend back

April 20 Relationships

If you're in a fight, it doesn't have to be forever. Repairing a relationship can be easier than you think.

The older we get, the harder it is to make new friends. And to restore relations with the old ones, especially if you once quarreled and did not communicate for many years, it may seem like an impossible mission. Everyone has their own life, new interests and social circle. Suddenly the paths diverged so far that they will never converge again? Suddenly, the resentment was so burning that it still has not cooled down?

And yet, if you really miss your friend and your relationship, you should at least try to restore them. Here's how.

1. Make contact

The first step will take courage and a little effort, but it's a must. It’s good that now you can not call a person and not talk to him, but write to him, say, on Facebook*. This will reduce the degree of awkwardness a little.

Start with a warm greeting, tell a friend that you remembered him and realized that you missed him, ask how he is doing.

If an interesting and active conversation starts, this is a good sign. At least you are welcome and you still have something to talk about.

But if you get ignored or cold monosyllabic answers, most likely, the attempt to establish communication has failed.

Find a way out 😊

How to make friends at any age

2. Get to know a friend again

Ask him where and how he lives now, where he works, what his hobbies are. You will be surprised how much a person can change in a few years.

Maybe you no longer have the same values, goals, or interests, and this new old friend will no longer be so sympathetic to you. Or maybe, on the contrary, you will now have even more common topics and fewer reasons for conflict.

3. Suggest meeting

Live communication is still different from correspondence and even video chats. You can see the emotions of the interlocutor, feel his mood, catch whether there is tension between you. And in general, to understand how easy it is for you to communicate with each other and whether it is worth continuing to communicate.

Perhaps it will be easier to discuss some old grievances during a personal meeting, if you still have them.

4. Prepare for an unpleasant conversation

If the last time the conversation ended due to your fault - you upset a friend, stopped giving him time, said or did something unpleasant - he has the right to be offended. And it may well remind you of how it all ended.

It would be nice to analyze why you behaved in this way and what to do to prevent the situation from happening again.

For example, in the past you did not support a friend during a difficult period for him, because you were too busy with yourself and your own affairs. See if you can be more empathetic and supportive this time around.

Or you gossiped behind a friend's back - and this is an occasion to learn to be more restrained and appreciate the trust that you have been given.

In a word, it will be great if you admit that there is your share of responsibility in breaking up the relationship. And maybe you will consider it necessary to apologize - if there is anything for it.

In the opposite direction, this approach also works. If you have offended you, you have the right to expect that a friend will admit his guilt and behave differently.

5. Meet more often

It takes 200 hours of communication to develop friendship into a strong friendship. You're basically starting a relationship from scratch right now, so it's likely to be a year or two before your friendship gets back to where it was.

And it will need to be fed all the time. Chat in messengers, have Zoom parties, go to cafes and exhibitions together, go on trips and so on. Naturally, all this should not be an obligation - if you are easy and fun together, you will have many hours of pleasant communication.

6. Don't repeat past mistakes

Start treating your friend more carefully if you used to pull the blanket over yourself and didn't notice other people's problems. If you have analyzed your behavior and realized that it was toxic, learn to communicate without aggression, including passive, and psychological violence.

Master the techniques 😎

How to get your way without manipulation or coercion

Be ready to support a friend if they have difficulties. Don't disappear, don't ignore messages, and remember that friendships need time, just like any other area of your life.

If the problem was not with you, carefully watch how your friend behaves, whether he offends you, whether he violates your boundaries, whether he tortures you with ignorance. If something happens that you don't like, feel free to politely say so and explain your emotions.

Have you ever wanted to reconnect with a former friend? Were you able to rekindle the friendship? Tell in the comments.

How to get a friend back if he doesn't want to communicate? Methods and psychology

Have you lost your relationship with your best friend? Did you have a fight or didn't share something? How to get a friend back? A person whose trust has been undermined will find it difficult to whitewash his good name. Therefore, try to always think about what you are saying and act only after you have assumed all possible scenarios. But if the disaster has already happened, how to correct its consequences?

Do not deprive yourself of the opportunity to make peace

You had a fight with your friend and now you want to get your friend back? How to do it? The ground for reconciliation must be prepared immediately after a quarrel. Wean yourself from the habit of gossip. If you had a fight with a person, this does not mean that now you can publicly insult him and give out all the secrets. Have respect for the person you have yet to deal with. Don't do things that you might be ashamed of. If you gossip about a person behind his back, then do not think that the person will not know about it. There will always be evil tongues that can not only literally convey your statement, but also multiply it with their own thoughts on this matter.

Do not wash dirty linen in public

Have you quarreled with a loved one? Do not tell right and left the reason for your quarrel. Why would anyone know about her? The fewer people involved in relationships, the easier it will be to establish them. If you ask for advice on how to make peace with a friend, tell the situation, cover a friend in a not the best light, then in the end you yourself will give rise to rumors. Do not do that. Are you having problems with a friend and don't know how to get your friend back? Think with your head. People who communicate well with each other are quite aware of the habits and character of the person with whom they spend a lot of time. Think for yourself how you can resolve the quarrel. Do not bring such a question to a family council or to a meeting of friends.

Wait for the time

It is impossible to heal immediately inflicted wounds. For this, some time must pass. Therefore, before you go to put up, wait at least a day. Your feelings will subside, a friend will come to his senses, and then you can talk. If you go to apologize on the day of the quarrel, then any wrong word can add fuel to the fire and increase the scale of the conflict. As the famous saying goes: the morning is wiser than the evening. Do not solve your problems in the evening with a tired head. Better sleep with the problem. In the morning, a quarrel that seemed like a disaster in the evening will seem like a trifle.

How to get a friend back? After you've had a fight, give each other time to cool off and think about the subject of the dispute. In a few days, you and your friend can reconsider your views and better understand the opponent's point of view.

Understand the cause of the breakup

While you are at home thinking, you will have time to understand the cause of the conflict. Sometimes quarrels break out of nothing, but they flare up very strongly. Remember that there is no smoke without fire. Every effect must have a cause. If the quarrel took place, then you need to find the reason why it happened. Think about what could become a bone of contention. The reason could have arisen some time ago, but you did not eliminate the small conflict, and now it has snowballed your friendship.

Is it possible to get friends back after a quarrel? Can. But before you take any action, you need to understand yourself. You must be sure that you understand the cause of the conflict. Only by realizing the problem, it can be quickly and easily eliminated.

Change your character

Don't know how to get your former friends back? If people moved away from you, then they had reasons for that. Try to find them. Most likely, they did not like your character or demeanor. Rethink your outlook on life and yourself. Perhaps you are not as pleasant a person as you seem to yourself. If a lot of friends have abruptly turned away from you, then you should urgently take serious measures. Talk to loved ones. Ask them frankly what is wrong with you. Say that you are not offended by criticism and that you need it in order to work on yourself. Listen carefully to what they tell you and act. Change your habits, behavior, character. This will help you get back the people you lost soon.

Ask for forgiveness

People don't like to apologize. But this is necessary if you want to return old friends. You need to approach the person whom you offended or offended and sincerely ask for his forgiveness. Say that you were wrong, mention that you understood your mistakes and are struggling with your shortcomings. There is no need to say something about a friend in an apology. Do not go over to his personality, because otherwise you can break loose and inadvertently say something personal. Don't use the pronoun "you" at all. When you apologize, you need to talk about yourself and your shortcomings. You cannot correct other people's mistakes. And if a person is truly dear to you, then you will be able to come to terms with the negative character traits of a loved one.

Don't put pressure on pity

How do I get my boyfriend back? You will need to try to regain the trust of a person. When people's roads diverge, people reconsider their views on life and on the people around them. A person is used to blaming himself for all troubles. Do not be surprised that it will be difficult for you to ask for forgiveness. Even if you didn't initiate the quarrel, you couldn't temper the conflict, and so it turned into a disaster. Apologize to the person and take all the blame. Such an action will show your friend that you are ready to change and take responsibility for your actions. What should not be done? In no case do not put pressure on pity. This is the last thing a reasonable person can do. It’s not worth humiliating yourself and moaning that you feel very bad and you can’t live without a boyfriend, it’s not worth it. This will not elevate you in the eyes of a friend, but, on the contrary, lower you even lower.

Do something nice

Wondering how to get your best friend back? Do something nice for the person. For example, bake a cake and come and put up with your culinary masterpiece. Does your friend love seafood? Then invite him to a seaside restaurant. When you appease the soul of a person, it will be much easier for him to forgive. The conversation will take on a more friendly look, and this will quickly restore past relationships.

You can do something good for a person if you know exactly how you can help. For example, if you work with your friend in the same office, help him with some part of the assignment. Do not ask permission to do something, but simply do a good deed without expecting any reward for it.

Don't get out of sight

To quickly renew your friendship, you should not leave your friend for a long time.

Learn more