I hate my dad quiz

Will You End Up More Like Your Mom or Your Dad?

Image: YouTube

We are all in some way the result of who our parents are, and as much you might not like to admit it this applies to you too. Growing up, your parents, as loving as they probably were, drove you crazy at times, and you often wondered how they could be so lame and clueless. Now, as you grow older, you are becoming more and more like your parents every day. But which one of them is more like you?

Some dads are the type that can be irresponsible, some are funny, some are hardworking, some yell at you when you do something wrong, some lecture you, but pretty much all of them love and worry about you. Some moms are the type that make you a healthy breakfast and make sure your clothes are ironed for your first job interview, while others are the type that crack jokes and tell you about life in ways that your father never would. The older you become, the more you're like one of your two parents; it is just part of life. So if you want to find out which of the two you're most like, take this quiz. Maybe it'll explain why you are the way you are!

Which parent do you least want to be like?

My mom.

I'd really be alright with being like either.

My dad.

I don't want to be like either of my parents.

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How good are you at discussing your feelings?

I'm pretty good at sharing my feelings.

I have no problem discussing how I feel.

I can do it, but it's not going to be much fun for me.

I'd really rather not go into that.

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How into sports are you?

I follow sports pretty closely, but it doesn't dominate my life.

I don't really like sports very much.

I'm totally into sports. I can't get enough.

I care a little bit about sports, but I wouldn't call myself a fan.

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Which parent do you get into more intense arguments with?

My mom and I are always fighting.

It can get pretty intense with my dad.

I don't really have intense arguments with either of my parents.

It's pretty much equally intense with both of them.

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How affectionate are you?

I'm very affectionate. Some people have told me that I may even take it too far.

I can be pretty lovey-dovey, but I prefer not to be affectionate in public.

I'm a pretty affectionate person.

I care, but I tend not to show affection very much.

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How comfortable are you displaying affection publicly?

Generally so.

Not at all.

Very much so.

Slightly.

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Which word best describes your sense of humor?

Corny.

Silly.

Goofy.

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Are you more likely to use your words or your actions to express yourself?

I'd probably use my words, but I'd have to put it into action too.

I'd most likely use my words.

I might talk about it briefly, but I'd much rather just show it.

I'll absolutely let my actions speak for me.

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Which parent do people most often say that you look like?

I get that about equally for both.

People are always saying that I look like my mom.

I get compared to my dad's looks a lot.

I don't get that for either parent.

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Does Mom or Dad share your sense of humor more closely?

Dad and I are always laughing at the same things.

My mom has the same sense of humor as me.

It's a mix of both, but I might lean slightly more to my mom's sense of humor.

I laugh with both of them, but my dad is closest to my funny bone.

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Which parent do you go to first when you are involved in a crisis?

I will seek out my mom, for sure.

I'm fine with whoever is around.

I wouldn't seek out either of my parents.

My dad is the one I need.

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How much do you like to talk on the phone?

I talk on the phone plenty, but it does get old after a while.

Actually, I kind of hate talking on the phone.

I talk on the phone for hours every day.

I don't mind talking on the phone, but I'd rather hang out in person.

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How handy are you at fixing things?

I'm extremely handy, and can fix pretty much everything.

I'm able to handle most mechanical issues.

I can fix a few basic things, but I need help for bigger projects.

I'm not handy at all. I break more things than I fix.

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Do you act more like Mom or Dad when you get angry?

I haven't really noticed that I'm all that much like either of them.

I have to admit that I find myself sounding just like my mom when I'm angry.

I think there are aspects of both my mom and my dad when I get angry.

It's like my dad's in the room when I'm angry.

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Do you enjoy shopping?

I can tolerate shopping to a certain degree, but I like to make it quick.

I love to go shopping. It's one of my favorite things to do.

I despise shopping. I try to avoid it at all costs.

I enjoy shopping, but it's not something I do a lot of.

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When do you usually finish your holiday shopping?

Christmas Eve.

I'm done months in advance.

I'm done with a few weeks to spare.

The final week before Christmas.

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Which activity sounds most appealing to you?

Attending a Broadway show.

Netflix and chill.

Going out for dinner and a movie.

Going to a sporting event.

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Would you say that you're a worrier?

I definitely have some concerns when people I love are in a risky situation.

I let things go pretty easily. I know it's out of my hands.

I worry all the time. It's kind of a problem.

I don't worry all that much, unless there's a pretty good reason to be concerned.

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How likely are you to discuss gossip?

I have no interest in gossip.

I try to avoid conversations like that, but I do get suckered in once in a while.

It's inevitable. I love to catch up on the latest rumors.

There's a strong possibility. I know it's kind of wrong, but I can't help myself.

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How appealing is fishing to you?

I enjoy eating fish, but the whole catching part freaks me out.

Gross. No thank you.

Fishing is appealing to me, but I haven't really gotten into it yet.

I love fishing, and I go on a regular basis.

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Which of your parent's fashion sense is most like your own?

I'm going to go with neither of them.

I relate a lot more to the way my mom dresses than my dad.

My dad's style is definitely most like mine.

I guess I have equal influence from each of them.

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Do you enjoy talking about cars?

Yeah, that's one of my favorite subjects to discuss.

I have no interest in talking about cars.

I can carry on a very basic conversation, but that's about it.

Sure, it definitely comes up from time to time.

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Which parent are you most likely to go on an outing, trip, or adventure with?

I would much rather do something like that with my mom.

My parents are basically inseparable, so it would be with both of them.

It's about equally likely that I'll go with either of them.

Dad and I would have a lot more fun with something like that.

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Have the people you have dated been more like your mom or your dad?

A few of them did have some characteristics in common with my mom.

The good ones have been a lot like my dad.

A few of them have definitely reminded me of my mom.

I suppose there have been some similarities to my father.

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Did you have any pets growing up?

Yes, we had a dog.

We had a bunch of pets.

Yes, we had a cat.

No, we didn't have any pets.

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Which restaurant would you prefer to eat at?

Olive Garden.

Applebee's.

McDonald's.

Buffalo Wild Wings.

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How appealing does gardening sound to you?

It's alright, but sometimes it just feels like more work.

I absolutely love to tend to a garden.

I'm not really into the whole gardening thing.

I enjoy it from time to time.

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Would you rather sleep in a tent or in a hotel room?

I would much rather sleep in a tent out in nature.

The whole tent thing sounds awful. I'm only doing the hotel room.

I might consider doing some RV camping, but I'm probably not interested in doing a tent.

I'd rather do the tent, but I do want to be fairly comfortable.

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Which hobby sounds most appealing to you?

Traveling.

Cycling.

Cooking.

Stamp collecting.

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Do your friends think your mom or your dad is cooler?

They think they are both equally cool.

Definitely my dad. He's actually pretty hip.

My mom, for sure. She's way cooler than my dad.

They think they are both equally lame.

FINISH QUIZ

You Got:

Do you love or hate your family? Quiz

Personality tests -» Family -» Other Family

15 Questions - Developed by: - Developed on: 2004-07-15 - 123,972 taken - User Rating: 3.3 of 5 - 21 votes - 42 people like it

We all love our family...or do we?
Find out how you love your family...do you tolerate them, hate them, or are you just going through a rough patch in life where you hate everything?

2
Your little sibling ransacked your room. How long will you hold this over their head?

They won't have a head left when I'm done with them.
My door is locked. Unless they butchered the door down, there is no way they got in.
First, I get whatever the devil took from my room. Then, they die.
Every time I want something.
I wouldn't.

4
You are out with a group of friends and see your mother. You:

Wave, but head into the closest store.
Hide.
Turn around and walk the hell out of there.
Walk over and introduce your friends.
Walk like you didn't see her, but say 'hi' politely if she notices you. then, go on your way.

5
Your parent gives you an 8 o'clock curfew, you are 16. You:

Ignore it and walk out the door.
Crawl out your window after curfew.
Call at 8 o'clock and plead with your parents.
Flick them off on your way out the door.
Come home at 9 o'clock.

9
When you turn 18, what is the first thing you will do (or did)?

Go to college, but instate.
Move out.
Well, I was kicked out.
Go to college, far away from 'home'.
Go to school part-time and work to save up for a place.

10
You little sibling is tagging along after your friends and you. What do you do?

Tell him to back off.
My friends don't come over my house and when they do we're locked in my room.
Let her hang with your for a bit, but then she has to go.
My sibling knows better.
Let him hang. I don't see the harm. My friends won't mind and he won't stay long.

11
Your mother calls. How long do you talk?

Forever, I have to catch up.
She doesn't know my phone number.
For about 30 minutes.
We do the pleasantries and hang up. She only called to make sure I was alive.
We get a long okay, so about 15-20 minutes.

15
If you could trade one family member, who would it be?

That's not a fair question.
I couldn't pick just one.
Ask me again tomorrow and it will be someone different.
They can stay the same, I don't talk to them anyways.
I don't know.

I hate my father, he makes me sick. He crippled my whole life

Requests for helpWrite your story

Good people, tell me what to do, I just don’t have the strength anymore. The fact is that I don’t hate my father, he makes me sick. I just don't hate him to the core. He is a moral monster and a schizophrenic and scum, he has crippled my whole life. Since childhood, he mocked me and my mother. He constantly beat me and humiliated me, and he threw himself at my mother with a knife in front of me and promised to kill her. He constantly intimidated us and mocked us, he convinced me that no matter what happened that I was always to blame for everything myself, when I was badly beaten as a child, and I told him about it, he told me it was your own fault, he would never do anything for me interceded. He is very afraid of other people and in public he is as they say: quieter than water and lower than grass. And no one knows about this what a horror happened in our family. I have already grown up, he lives separately, but sometimes he comes to us, but I am still afraid of him and hate him, I want to tell him everything, but I am afraid, because when you tell him the truth, he becomes furious and climbs to fight. After his 'upbringing', I began to have very serious health and mental problems. On a nervous basis, I constantly want to go to the toilet and because of this I can’t go out anywhere and get a job, I have to constantly stay at home, I have no friends, and I generally keep quiet about my personal life. I just can’t communicate with people, I start to shake all over, I’m even afraid to look people in the eye. I became afraid of people. I have become withdrawn and I am constantly depressed. I just don’t know how to continue to live with all this, I feel bad and my condition is getting worse. I want to end my existence, but I'm afraid to take this last step. And he always wonders why everything is so bad with me, why I'm always angry and don't call him dad, but my tongue just doesn't dare to call him that. I envy those children who grew up without a father. Do not advise just to forgive him, I can not do it.

Lost, age: 22 / 01/04/2011

Responses:

Hello! I'm sorry, I don't know what your name is. ..
I'm afraid that I will not tell you exactly what you are waiting for, but no one can help you except yourself.
Maybe this is a cruel truth, but a person makes himself and this does not happen in one day or a week. This is a very long and painstaking work, but believe me, the result is worth it.
you just need to learn to talk to yourself, to understand yourself, to control. You should not withdraw into yourself, you need to communicate with people, learn from mistakes (better than strangers). and then one fine moment you will just be able to show your father that you are not afraid of him.
But first, you should treat your nerves, and it is better if you have the opportunity to go somewhere when your father comes, so as not to meet him at all.
And remember, everything depends only on you, you need to strongly want to live a normal life and strive for it. And suicide is the simplest thing a weak person can do, prove to your father that you are strong and think about your mother. She didn't have a sweet time. You must become her support.
Good luck!

Mariza, age: 01/26/2011

Hello my dear friend!
When I was very ill, I always called the helpline. And they helped me. Call you too! Go to a psychologist, sort out the problem together, like trainings.
And one more thing helped me! I wrote a letter to my father. I tried many times, it didn't work the first time. Because when I started to write, I returned to the past, and it hurt me wildly. To say you will cry is an understatement! I sobbed!!! The letter was long! It hurt so much! After I wrote it, I burned it. And can you imagine, it became much easier!
And about health, go to the doctor, let him prescribe treatment, get treated! if necessary - lie down in the hospital, for the sake of your health! Most importantly, set a goal for yourself! That despite the difficulties that you have overcome in life, you will come out with dignity! You will succeed!
Be sure to contact a specialist either by phone or arrange a home consultation. It is even possible that health problems will go away when you cope with your mental state!
And you need to forgive your father. For myself. You don't have to tell him about it. Just forgive for yourself, for your soul. There are many ways to forgive. I wrote you one of them :)

The main thing is not to lose faith in yourself! I am sure you will emerge victorious from this fight! :)

Enigma, age: 01/21/2011

You are not lost!!!!!! You are just suffering because of another person. Try, please, find a psychologist, psychotherapist, psychoanalyst. Talk, tell him everything, do not be shy. You are not to blame for anything. life because of the wrong actions of your parents. Everything can and should be corrected. And you can always end your life. You have to fight for it. Find a psychologist by all means. your girl is waiting for you somewhere. Your true love. And maybe it’s not easy for her now either. And maybe she only needs your care and support. your father to you.

Lilu, age: 01/27/2011

How familiar everything is! Drunken brawls, insults, constant unwillingness to live, suicide attempts ... THANK GOD that did not work out. I believed in God since childhood, or rather I knew that He exists. happiness? Give it to me, please!" And He gave it. My husband is the best person in the world, I have kind. smart children. Of course, the past weighs. I forgave him (I hope). I am looking for salvation in the Orthodox Church, I sing on the kliros. Find a good priest and talk, trust him.

r.b. Tatiana, age: 44 / 01/05/2011

Hello. I know many people with a similar situation.

Eminem. His parents did not love him, did not care, they only beat him or completely forgot that he needed care. That he is still too young to take care of himself. The father abandoned the family when he was a toddler. Mother is an alcoholic and hysterical. But he did not understand what was happening and why he was doing it. And then he started talking openly about it to everyone. And he made millions. Because he went further, signed contracts and performed on stage. Stood in flames, fueled by fear and pain. But he didn’t give up everything, he didn’t retreat.

Watch the movie "Cool Georgia" with Lindsay Lohan. There, the stepfather acted as an antipode. But in general, this situation is real. I had acquaintances and now I understand what influenced their unbridled character.

God Himself experiences feelings of rage and anger. He made the Great Flood, sent 10 curses. Because he was angry at the people bathing and praising sin and doing indecent things. I guess it's not your concern now. God protects his sons. And he'll deal with your father himself. But he keeps a chance for repentance to the last. He loves His creations, but according to His laws, those who do evil deeds and neglect His instructions will be punished. As if someone in his state violated the law, he would answer before the court at the request of the victim. God is patient.

Your father does not know and does not understand how wrong he is and what this can lead to. Jesus prayed on the cross: "God, forgive them their sins. For they know not what they are doing!"

It's just that you really want to get better. Therefore, do this for yourself: turn to Jesus in prayer to deliver you from the influence of your father; and to add reason. Find other interests. For example: love helps to forget about all the difficulties. If some girl surrounded you with care. Your thoughts would be about her. And you would feel the change all over your body. Under the influence of endorphins, the pain recedes. :) Falling in love helps to rise to heaven. This is a very useful and nice thing. I think you have a lot of unspent love. With her, you would experience less, and more - enjoy life. You just need to find someone who would complement you and share these amazing feelings with you. For starters, you can fall in love with some actress and dream about her. Still better than filling your mind with thoughts of difficulty. And carry them all the time with you - like a bag with a heavy load.

Sunny , age: - - / 01/06/2011

Buddy, hold on! If you are not at all able to, go to the Ioninsky monastery, turn to the abbot, explain your condition. These kind monks will help! You can live at the monastery, work there, improve your health by the grace of God .. And this will benefit you too. and others who are even worse off than you. The monastery helps children with cancer and little orphans in orphanages, we need volunteers who will just work. There you will find kind and humane friends who will become your support. And there are no bad and evil there a priori. Here you will warm up among them, you will gain strength .. And then we'll see. Hug you. Buckle up and act.

Endless, age: 34 / 07.01.2011

The previous request from
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Press version

"For which I hate my father?" Addiction.

Family disease

"Why do I hate my father?"

A letter has come to the editorial office of a popular magazine, where I published my materials from time to time. Here it is.

"I am 17 years old. I study at one of the schools in Yekaterinburg. My grandmother subscribes to your magazine. I read it when I visit her. It seems that in the second issue of 1998 I read an article about how to love children, "Unconditional love". This article convinced me once again that my parents are far from Makarenka. Mom has only one excuse: "What character is given to a person, this will develop." On this basis, she accuses me of selfishness. Yes, maybe this is so, I don’t argue. In this family, everyone except the mother loves only themselves. But I’m not only a “selfish”, I’m also a “insignificance” and a “creature”. I'm always against), but this only led to the fact that she or I ran away to drink valerian.0003

My mother is 45 years old, my father is the same age. I love and respect my mother, although less every year. I hate my father.

Why do I hate my father? For all! He disgusts me because of his "method of education", most likely. He can hit me, and my sister (she is 19 years old), and my mother. Of course, most often we get with my sister. He also began to add obscenities to the assault. Believe me, he does not hit lightly, but he is strong, very strong. One was building a cottage. When we moved to a new apartment, I did everything with my own hands. If the car breaks down, he repairs it himself.

But even the beatings, perhaps, I could forgive him. Another thing is worse - he kicked his mother-in-law, my grandmother, out of the house. I love and respect her the most. She alone is able to forgive me, but they are not. They remember all my misdeeds, to the smallest, and always reproach. And the father himself did not ask for all the insults, either from my sister or from my mother. When I tell my mother all this, she begins to feel sorry for her father: he is an ulcer, he is the breadwinner of the family, and so on.

Because of this, in essence, we have disagreements with my mother. All this has been going on for as long as I can remember. And finally, I'm tired of all this. What have I done?

I study just as before, well, I read quite a lot, others - my peers - don't read at all. But my interests have changed. I run away from home at the slightest opportunity. Now I'm mainly interested in taverns, rags, guys. I drink, I smoke. Rather, I drink (how much they pour). I lead a happy, carefree life. I don't believe in anything. Nothing! I am mentally alone, I suddenly realized this. Relatives - strangers, friends, in essence, not friends, but so. Everything is boring to the point of nausea. Often such a mood that you do not want to live. Ahead is emptiness. Scary. Or maybe this is life itself?

I don't know why I wrote. I would like to share with someone. Or ask for advice on what to do...

Yours faithfully, Lena T.

In my comment, I noted the following.

Lena's feelings are heated to the limit of tolerance. Her life is difficult. And her whole family, probably, lives with the same intensity of feelings. For Lena, this intensity is higher, since it is multiplied by the age of 17 years. "Emotional conversations" in this family end with the intake of valerian. Children are "brought up" with assault and foul language. In the course of labels such as "selfish", "insignificance." Not only Lena has bad relationships with father, but sister, mother, grandmother too - both with him, and, possibly, with each other. Lena's hand firmly deduced in the letter: "I hate my father."

But here's what else I saw in this desperate and even cruel confession. Lena loves her father. And suffers from a lack of reciprocity. Lena is trying to find the love she lacks on the side: "I'm mainly interested in taverns, rags, guys." And he doesn't find it. If I had, I wouldn't have written such a desperate letter. And he won’t find it ... because until there is peace in the soul with his father, there will be no loving boyfriend either. Such is the psychological law: until a person has accepted his parents in peace, has not forgiven their offenses, he will not find peace within himself. And people are badly attracted to an embittered person.

Lena is currently setting herself on fire. The brushwood for her fire is hatred for her father. I read this letter and do not understand whom she hates more - her father or herself?

In very ancient times, one ruler was interested in the essence of good and evil. He asked the sage which organs in a person personify the most beautiful in him. The sage silently left, and after a while brought the master the heart and tongue of the beast. Then the master asked to show him the most disgusting organs. And again the sage brought the heart and tongue. The overlord exclaimed in surprise: "You bring the same thing as the best, and as the worst, why ?!"

The sage replied: “If what a person feels and thinks comes from a pure heart and the tongue speaks only honestly, then the heart and tongue are the most valuable organs. The person to whom they belong feels healthy and happy. If the heart is closed and hides his feelings, and the tongue speaks false and unjust, then the heart and tongue become a true punishment for the one to whom they belong. The discord and misfortunes that they vomit fill him from the inside, and happiness turns away from him.

Lena's letter shows that she knows how to feel deeply, how to be sincere. Each written word opens Lena's heart, and does not hide secret motives. Her tongue is honest and her heart is open. That is why I think that Lena is able to overcome difficulties, including the difficulties of self-knowledge and self-determination in life. That is why I tell her: many people, including myself, have been solving the same problem - how to establish a calm, kind relationship with their parents. For me, at one time it turned out to be a very difficult thing to forgive my parents. I also suffered and suffered for a long time ...

If the heart is filled to the brim with anger and indignation, even if it is just, then what good is this to Lena? Life is bad, painful. Neither taverns nor rags help.

She wrote that she was leading a "fun, carefree" life. In fact, she is not having fun, but applying painkillers to her emotional wounds.

There is another way - to fill the heart with other feelings. Love. Sympathy. Self-respect. And then self-destructive behavior will become simply impossible, the need for it will disappear. For this, it is necessary to free the heart from anger and hatred. How?

Lena can understand that she is now an adult, that she is independent and can create her own life according to her own plan. As an adult, not as a rebellious teenager. Life is such a box, from which they take out only what they put in it. It is quite capable of understanding even a 17-year-old person. “The mind does not wait for a beard,” says the proverb. Of course, it is difficult to get rid of feelings, but you can not cultivate them. We must also think, and not just suffer. If Lena cherishes her suffering, then I may suspect that it is beneficial to her. Perhaps, in her own eyes, suffering gives her the right to taverns. It won't take long to get addicted.

To understand is to forgive. Lena, try to understand your parents. And remember that this is for you, not for them.

What kind of family - conflict or harmonious - does your father come from?

How did he live as a child? Maybe it was from there, from his family, that he got the habit of solving problems by "power" methods? Lena's father reacts violently and emotionally to difficulties. Many doctors believe that this is good for his health. If he had held back, he might have had not only an ulcer, but also a heart attack. Behind her grievances, Lena does not notice that her father suffers a lot. He may also suffer from his difficult nature. No wonder, as Lena writes, his mother pities him.

Lena, you can become a biographer of your parents. Ask, before it is too late, about what they have experienced and are now experiencing. I am sure that you will find something for which you can love, respect and forgive them.

Why do I ask a girl who is confused in her relationship with her parents to change her anger to mercy? Yes, because I know for sure (both as a person who has already lived in the world and as a specialist) that when we hate someone, we hate ourselves.

Negative feelings reduce our vitality. They seem to knock out from our hands the building material from which we can build ourselves as a self-confident, life-satisfied person.

In the psychotherapy group with which I work, there are people aged 40 and over who, like chains, carry complaints against their parents. Although with difficulty, they get rid of this burden, changing anger to mercy.

This is how I answered Lena 2 years ago. Then I met with a number of similar stories in psychotherapeutic practice. And made the following notes.

Fathers and daughters

Love is like suffering

Olya was sent to me by her father. She has been crying every day for the second month and calls Igor every day in another city. The girl suffers from love for Igor. Father - my colleague, a doctor - asks to treat Olya, perhaps she has depression.

Olya suffers from unrequited love. She selflessly loves Igor, she says that she cannot live without him.

Briefly, the history of their relationship is as follows. After the institute, where Igor and Olya studied together, Igor went abroad, where he found a job in his specialty. Olya went after him. An influential father helped her find a place in graduate school, though not in her specialty. Olya was ready for anything just to be close to Igor.

There, abroad, their relationship began to be a mess. Once, while still at the institute, Igor confessed his love to Olya, and now, when Olya left her hometown, her home and went after him, Igor behaved like a dismissal.

He was always busy with work, saying that he was doing experiments in his laboratory until 11 p.m. On Sundays he has tennis. He did not have enough time to meet with Olya.

Once, on the occasion of his birthday, Igor invited guests, pointed out to Olya three girls among them and said that he slept with each of them.

Having reached this point in her story, Olya began to cry loudly. The insult that Igor inflicted on her feminine vanity is from the category of such injections that are difficult to forget and rarely forgiven. But Olya continues to love.

Olya's friends took part in her life. Some sympathized, others condemned. They said that she allowed Igor to wipe her feet on her, that she had no pride.

My diagnosis: codependency.

I again remembered a book about codependency with a very characteristic title "Women who love too much."

I'm interested in the roots of co-dependency, where does Olya come from. It is necessary to understand the nature of relationships in the parental family.

I know Olya's family. There are no alcoholics. My father is very caring, he works hard all his life and achieved a lot. I myself saw how he left the department with patients only at 21 o'clock and said that he always lingered so late. I had no doubt that the father adored his daughter.

I was surprised to hear from Olya that not only did she not have warm feelings for her father, but it was hard for her, even impossible, as she put it, to be in the same room with him. Six months ago, they parted when Olya left abroad. She had to force herself to hug her father goodbye at the airport.

I ask Olya a few questions about her early childhood:

– Tell me, Olya, do you remember yourself as a little girl sitting on her father's lap?

- No, I don't remember.

– Do you remember his hands, his touches?

- We have a photograph where my father is holding my hand, but I don't remember such sensations at all. He may have touched me, but my body doesn't remember anything.

- How did you perceive your father as a child?

– He always seemed to me strict, inaccessible. Like a monument on a pedestal.

– How is Igor now?

- It looks like inaccessibility and coldness. Let's remember this Olino "it seems".

From the story of a married 42-year-old Alevtina:

– As a child, I was always angry with my father because he offended my mother. I couldn't express my anger. Now my husband offends me. My feelings for my husband are exactly the same as I felt for my father. The only difference is that then I could not openly be angry with my father, and I pour out everything that I feel on my husband. And it comes to assault.

Mother of two children Irina, 29 years old, lives in a marriage with a "difficult" husband who drinks, walks, does not come home for three days. About her experience of communicating with her father in childhood, Irina says:

– My parents separated when I was two years old. My father tried to visit me, but my mother prevented this. Mom was very offended by his adultery. When I went to school, my father sometimes met me on the street and gave me gifts. And then my mother said that he had nothing to do, so he follows me. And he pays me off with gifts because he feels guilty.

Practically in all three destinies with the experience of difficult relationships between women and men, one common pattern can be traced: the father as a warm, caring, loving person with whom the daughter - a little woman - could have a "love affair", was absent. Because of being busy at work (workaholism?), because of a conflicting relationship with your spouse (maybe even fought - domestic violence), or because of adultery and alcohol abuse - it doesn’t matter even because of what. It is important that he was emotionally unavailable to his daughter, he was at an emotional distance. Whether he was at home or not (divorce) is not so important.

Many fathers do not know the needs of their children. The main need of children is love. Perhaps Olya has already forgotten how, as a girl, she tried to caress her father, to please him, but he ordered in an imperative, peremptory tone: "Now it's time to sleep." Or, looking absently at my daughter's drawing, he remarked quickly: "Good drawing, but now go for a walk." Or even sharper: "I told you not to bother me!"

The most painful feeling in childhood is when we feel rejected by those we love. Those who have experienced this feeling and in adulthood are more than afraid of being rejected, abandoned. In some cases, as with Olya, emotional hunger not satisfied since childhood pushes the girl to acts that are strange at first glance. To excessive and painful attachment to his chosen one. The desire to belong to someone is so strong that the girl literally sticks to the guy and suffers from him what is not necessary to endure (high tolerance for offensive behavior).

Noteworthy in this sense is the testimony of Anastasia Ivanovna Tsvetaeva. I read in her book "Memoirs":

Father was more like a grandfather to us: playful, affectionate, narrow-minded.

And in another place:

His absent-mindedness, touching in everyday life, created legends about him. We were not surprised, dad always thinks about his Museum. Somehow, without explanations from adults, we understood this.

The image of the father: kind, touching, immersed in his own affairs - during the childhood years of Marina and Anastasia, their father was absorbed in worries about creating the now world-famous Museum of Fine Arts named after A. S. Pushkin. And for children, he was an emotionally unavailable person.

Here Anastasia Ivanovna tells about her first ardent love and after it a hasty, subsequently unhappy marriage. The first meeting at the skating rink:

There was something dazzling, undoubted, never seen, necessary in this man who had flown up and rushed off. Everything stopped. Only one thing was important - his return.

And further in the same tone:

Who is he, this amazing man, mocking to the marrow of his bones and - I can smell him! - lyrical to the depths of the heart, not amenable to comprehension and description, tearing out of them like an eel from the hands ?!

Is it possible for a person (just a person, and not that ideal hero who cannot be "understood and described") to endure such intensity of feelings, such a game of imagination, such a high level of expectations?! Young Asya Tsvetaeva, as you know, soon went through the drama of divorce.

My client Olya's chosen one, either because of his upbringing and spiritual development, or the times are really different, cruel now - only he rejects Olya's "excessive" love, resorting to insults unworthy of a man.

You say, what about the long, happy in its own way, though not cloudless marriage of Asya's sister Marina Tsvetaeva with Sergei Efron, because they had one father?

Well, firstly, at other times Sergei Efron had a very difficult time, as evidenced by his letters.

I would like to draw the reader's attention to Marina Ivanovna's romantic hobbies. There were many. And everything is the same in everyone: the intensity of feelings, the idealization of all the qualities of a "hero", a high bar of requirements, then a decline, similar to disappointment in a "hero" who did not live up to expectations.

Cordelia's words from "King Lear" by W. Shakespeare come to mind: "I will pass on my love for my father to my husband."

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