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You feel like shit.You feel like shit. Double-click this passage to edit it.This is meant to be an interactive flow chart for people who struggle with self care, executive dysfunction, and/or who have trouble reading internal signals. It's designed to take as much of the weight off of you as possible, so each decision is very easy and doesn't require much judgment. Set aside some time--maybe an hour total- to allow yourself to work through each step. Don't rush or skip ahead--just follow the directions. Self care is important, and you deserve to devote some time to it. You may want to go through this routine as soon as you wake up, as a preventative measure. [[I'm ready for the first question.|Food]]Have you eaten in the last four hours? [[Yes. Next question!|Medication]] [[I could use a snack.|Snack]] [[No, I need a meal.|Meal]]Have you taken any medication you need to take? [[Yes, I'm all caught up on any medication I need to take.|Water]] [[No, I need to take my pill.|Meds]]Drink a glass of whatever liquid you like best. Water is ideal, but don't beat yourself up if you'd rather have tea, soda, juice, or milk. Soda will actually make you feel thirstier, but if it's easier for you, then that's okay! [[Okay, I did it.|Sleep]]Can you take a guess at how many hours you've slept out of the last 24? Everyone is an individual with different sleep schedules, but most people need 8 hours of relatively uninterrupted sleep. If you had less than that, and/or woke up frequently, and/or had nightmares, it might help you to take a nap. [[I am well-rested. Next question!|Pain]] [[I need a nap.|Nap]]Are you in pain? [[No, my body feels fine.|Discomfort]] [[Yes, something hurts.|Ow]]Next we're going to deal with other types of physical discomfort you may be in. Is something about your environment distressing or uncomfortable? [[Yes, my surroundings are less than ideal.|Environment]] [[No, it seems fine here to me.|Cleanliness]]Now we've taken care of the physical reasons that you're not feeling well. Now we're going to deal with the emotional ones. Obviously, this is a general guide, and can't pinpoint your exact problem. But troubleshooting is a good practice, and we're going to do our best together. In my experience, most of the people who would need a flow chart like this have a mental health problem of some type, so these questions are geared towards common mental health problems. You, of course, might have different needs, but starting here can't hurt. Do you know why you're in a bad mood, or not feeling well emotionally? (Remember, any answer is okay!) [[Yes, there's something on my mind. |I do know]] [[No, I don't know the reason.|I don't know]]Do you feel anxious, nervous, keyed-up, paranoid, scared, or on edge? [[Yes, I feel anxious about something specific.|Specific]] [[Yes, but I don't know why.|Not specific]] [[No, I don't feel very anxious.|Triggered]] [[I was feeling anxious, but I did my best to take care of myself. I'm ready for the next question.|Triggered]]Do you feel triggered? Are you having flashbacks? Is something traumatic or upsetting from the past weighing on your mind? Did you have a vivid nightmare? [[Yes, I feel triggered.|I am triggered]] [[No, I'm not feeling triggered.|Dissociated]] [[I was feeling triggered, but I did my best to take care of myself. I'm ready for the next question.|Dissociated]]Are you feeling dissociated, depersonalized, or derealized? Do you feel far away, foggy, or unreal? Are you not sure who you are? [[Yes, I'm dissociated.|Grounding]] [[No, I don't feel like that.|Depressed]] [[I was feeling dissociated, but I did my best to take care of myself. I'm ready for the next question.|Depressed]]Are you feeling depressed, sad, or upset? [[Yes, I'm feeling depressed.|Depression Fixes]] [[No, I'm not very depressed.|Lonely]]Are you feeling lonely or in need of attention? [[Yes, I'm feeling lonely.|Loneliness Fixes]] [[No, I'm not very lonely. Next question!|Foggy]]Are you feeling foggy? [[Yes, I feel foggy.|Exercise]] [[No, my head feels pretty clear.|Pets]]Do you have pets? [[Yes, I've got animals in my house.|Play with pets]] [[No, no pets for me!|Fun]]Take half an hour and do whatever you want to do right now. This can be anything: crafts, watching TV, laying on the couch, taking a walk, playing Farmville... your choices are literally endless! Obviously, don't do anything that's bad for you, like feeding addictions or harming yourself or others. [[I did 30 minutes of fun and now I'm ready to move on to the next step.|Reassess]]We've reached the end of this self care guide. It's time to reassess. Maybe now that you've done all this self care, you feel better-- great! Maybe you don't, and that's okay too. But hopefully you've cleared things up and you know what to do next to take care of yourself. You deserve self care, so even if it's hard, do your best! Good luck!When you need a snack, just pop some easy food in your mouth. If there's a specific food you want, it's okay to eat it! You don't have to eat perfectly healthy all the time-- no one does! Just also use your brain a little, and notice the quantity you're eating, and how healthy it is for you. You're probably just fine at trusting your gut and knowing what your body needs. [[Okay, I finished my snack.|Medication]]You haven't eaten in a little while, and your body needs fuel. It's time for breakfast, lunch, or dinner. If there's a specific food you want, it's okay to eat it! You don't have to eat perfectly healthy all the time-- no one does! Just also use your brain a little, and notice the quantity you're eating, and how healthy it is for you. You're probably just fine at trusting your gut and knowing what your body needs. [[I finished my meal, and I'm ready for the next step. |Medication]] [[I need some help!]]Medication needs to be taken on schedule, or your body might react negatively. Take some time now to take any pills, do any tests or injections, or apply any ointments prescribed by your doctor. If this is a persistent problem for you, you may want to set a smart phone alarm so you remember to take it at the same time every day. [[Okay, I took my medication. Next question!|Water]]Take a nap. You can finish this self-care guide when you wake up. Ideally, let yourself sleep naturally, and sleep until you wake up. Obviously, this isn't always possible. Otherwise, set an alarm for yourself, with plenty of time to wake up and get yourself together between your nap and your responsibilities. [[Okay, I'm well-rested now.|Pain]]If there is something your doctor has prescribed you for pain, you should take it or do it. For aches and pains, take an aspirin. You may also want to apply a heating pad or a cold pack on whatever hurts. If you have a stomach ache, there are medications for that, like Pepto Bismol, and hot tea may also help. Be nice to your body, and try to do "replace" the unpleasant pain with some pleasant alternative sensations, like good smells and pleasurable textures. [[I am all taken care of.|Discomfort]]Are your surroundings the right temperature? [[I'm too cold.]] [[I'm too hot.]] [[I'm just right.]]Does your body feel uncomfortable, sweaty, or dirty? [[Yes, I feel icky, gross, or unclean.]] [[No, I feel fine.|Do you know?]]Sometimes, we don't know the source of our bad feelings, and that's okay. We're gonna work through this together! [[Okay!|Anxious]]It sounds like there's something on your mind! We're going to do our best to take care of it. Set a timer for 15 minutes, and work on a solution. If it's something you can change, then great! If not, do your best to reach out to someone and talk about it. Remember, 15 minutes and only 15! You can go back to whatever it is after we're done working through this together. We're just taking baby steps in the right direction. [[Okay, I did my best.|Anxious]]You're feeling anxious about something specific. That's okay! Set a timer for 15 minutes and do something to take care of that worry. Maybe chip away at a task that seems insurmountable. You can do it! [[I'd like to try some grounding exercises too.|Grounding]] [[I feel better. Next question!|Triggered]]You feel generally anxious, but you don't know why. That's okay! [[I'd like to try some grounding exercises.|Grounding]]If you're feeling triggered, see if there's a practical action you can take to lessen your distress. Can you block that unsafe person from your Facebook, for example? If not, reach out and tell someone safe how you're feeling. Just express yourself! Human contact works wonders when you're not feeling well emotionally. Remember that you're here in the present, and nothing from your past can hurt you. If you like, you may want to try some grounding exercises to reinforce that idea. [[Okay, I'm ready for the next question.|Dissociated]] [[I'd like to try some grounding exercises.|Grounding]]Here are some ideas for grounding activities: -Take deep, calm breaths. -Notice and list things in your surroundings. -Expose yourself to strong, pleasant sensations, like a pleasing smell or a favorite blanket. -Say out loud your name, your age, the date, and your location. List some things you've done today, or are going to do. -Splash water on your face or run your hands under the faucet. -Do a body scan meditation, or pay close attention to each of your body parts one by one. -Make tea. Feel the warmth of it in your hands, and the taste as you sip it calmly. -Listen to music. -Play a categories game, and name some types of dogs, or clothing items, or gemstones, or countries, or anything else you can think of. -Write in your journal. -Take a mindful walk, either inside or outside. Pay close attention to your body and your surroundings. -Squiggle. Wiggle around. Dance. Stretch. Be silly and active for a few minutes. -Any other favorite grounding technique you've heard of or can think of. There's nothing wrong with experimenting! [[Okay! I did one or more of these things, and I'm ready to move on. |Anxious]]Feeling depressed isn't fun, but it doesn't last forever! Don't be mad or disappointed with yourself for feeling depressed. Take 15 minutes and accomplish something small, like loading the dishwasher or making a friendship bracelet. You are not a failure, and your situation is not hopeless! You are a superhero, even if it doesn't feel like it. [[Okay, I've done my best to take care of myself and I'm ready for the next question.|Lonely]]Everybody feels lonely sometimes. If you're feeling lonely, there's ways to reach out to people! You can talk to someone in your house, or call someone on the phone. You can also use texting or Facebook messenger to speak to someone. You may want to talk about how you're feeling, or you may not. Anything you want to talk about is okay! If that isn't or doesn't seem possible, you can post a general message on Facebook, Tumblr, Vent, or another internet service, about whatever you want! [[Okay, I did my best to take care of myself and I'm ready for the next question|Foggy]]If you are feeling foggy, you might need some exercise. Do you have the energy and ability to go for a walk? [[Yes, a walk sounds great.|Walk]] [[No, a walk would be too much for me.|No Walk]]Playing with pets can be a great way to take the edge off when you're not feeling well. It doesn't matter what kind of pet you have, just take some time to interact with them. Pet your cat, take your dog outside, feed your fish, hug your lizard... [[Good idea! I'm ready for the next question.|Fun]]Making a meal is hard for you right now, and that's okay! Everybody struggles with cooking sometimes. You have some options: -You can cook a meal for yourself. -You might have ready-made meals in the fridge. -You can get take-out or delivery. -You can go to a restaurant. Take-out, delivery, and restaurants are a little more expensive than cooking on your own, but how you spend your money is your decision. It's okay to treat yourself! If you're going to cook on your own, you have to decide what to make. A friend, partner, or family member can help with this. Here are some ideas for easy foods you can eat right now: -Pasta with butter, sauce, cheese, vegetables, and/or meat -Ramen noodles -Sandwiches -Rice -Grilled cheese (This can have meat on it, if you want!) -A smoothie or milkshake -Baked or fried potatoes -Eggs, pancakes, and/or bacon -Macaroni and cheese -Canned soup -Salad -Boxed mashed potatoes [[Okay, I have some food in my stomach. Time for the next question!|Medication]]If you're too cold, you can try putting on some warm clothes, using a space heater, turning up the heat in your home, putting on a blanket, and/or snuggling with a pet or another person. [[I'm not cold anymore.|I'm just right.]]If you're too hot, you can try putting on cooler clothes, turning on a fan, or turning up the AC in your house. [[Okay, I fixed it.|I'm just right.]]Are your surroundings dirty or smelly? [[Yes, it's gross.]] [[No, it's fine.]]It's hard to feel okay in an environment that is unfriendly for whatever reason. If your surroundings aren't clean, set a timer for five minutes and take care of the biggest problems, like leftover food, pet messes, or dirty clothes. Chores can be scary and exhausting, but that's not what we're doing here. We're just taking a little five-minute clean up to make ourselves and our homes happier! [[Okay, I cleaned up a little!|No, it's fine.]]Do you feel unsafe because of the people, or lack of people, in your surroundings? [[Yes, there are too many people here, or people I don't feel comfortable with. ]] [[I am alone and I don't like it.]] [[No, I'm good.|Cleanliness]]If you can, try to remove yourself from situations that are overwhelming or feel unsafe. If you can't relocate entirely, take frequent breaks, or tune out with headphones. [[I did my best. On to the next step.|Cleanliness]]Being alone can feel really scary and unsafe. In reality, if you take basic precautions, you're almost certainly fine! However, getting a friend, making a phone or Skype call, playing with a pet, and/or turning on the TV or music can help. [[I reached out to someone and I'm feeling better. I'm ready for the next step.|Cleanliness]]Do you have the energy and ability to take a shower? [[Yes, I'll take a shower.]] [[No, I need another solution.]]Take a shower and get dressed in new clothes afterwards. You'll feel much better! [[I've done that and I'm ready for the next step.|Do you know?]]If you are unable to take a shower, here are some things to do instead: -Wash your face -Put on lotion -Change your clothes -Use dry shampoo -Whatever physical self-care activity you like best! [[I'm clean and I'm ready for the next step. |Do you know?]]Walks are really good for both our bodies and our minds. Take a walk of whatever length you choose! You're not trying to burn calories or get to a particular destination; you're just taking a pleasant stroll. Enjoy it! [[Okay, I am back from my walk and I'm ready for the next question.|Pets]]If you can't take a walk, that's okay! Here are some alternatives: -Jumping jacks -Bouncing on the bed -Dancing -Push ups or sit ups, if you like doing them -Walking up and down the stairs -Yoga -Wiggling, squirming, jiggling around; being silly and active and having fun! If none of those are or seem possible, just sit outside for some fresh air! [[Okay, I did some exercise to the best of my ability. I'm ready for the next question.|Pets]]Double-click this passage to edit it.
I feel superfluous | PSYCHOLOGIES
Knowing Yourself A Man among People
“I feel out of place”, “no one is happy with me” - someone who constantly feels rejected, is distrustful of contacts with other people. The slightest inattention on their part makes you feel helpless again and again. “Once having experienced this painful feeling, such a person unconsciously expects that everything will happen again: he will be betrayed, abandoned,” explains existential psychotherapist Svetlana Krivtsova. nine0003
Trying to avoid such a development of events, each time he tests the strength of the relationship and, as a result, he remains alone again. “Trying to arouse interest in himself, to please him, he gradually becomes dependent on the opinions and assessments of other people,” continues Svetlana Krivtsova, “and his suspiciousness simply exhausts those who are nearby. Relationships become formal, often full of hostility, and eventually end.” To live in constant expectation of a break is to provoke a break.
“When I was four, my older brother became seriously ill and my mother sent me to stay with my grandmother for a few months,” says 29-year-old Yaroslav. “I was very worried: it seemed to me that I behaved so badly that my mother had to abandon me. ”
The fear of being abandoned first appears in childhood and is usually associated with sudden (often prolonged) separation from parents.
“Little children cannot understand the meaning of adults' actions and suffer from loneliness,” explains Svetlana Krivtsova. “The memory that you didn’t please your parents in some way and therefore turned out to be unnecessary remains for many years.” Those whom their parents really “abandoned” in childhood, without supporting them in a difficult situation, can also feel their abandonment. nine0003
“I am learning to talk about my feelings”
Valeriya, 33 years old
“I know well what it means to be unwanted. When my little sister was born, my mother quit her job to take care of it. Maybe my fears appeared then? I always felt that I was not with them. At school, too, no one wanted to be friends with me, and as a teenager, I was absolutely sure that I was unworthy of love. And indeed, no one paid attention to me, I was invisible.
At some point, the feeling of rejection became too painful, but it helped me to see myself from the outside: I turned out to be so closed, gloomy. Now I try to be more sociable, to speak more openly about my feelings, to articulate more clearly what worries me. Surprisingly, my loved ones now talk about restraint and vulnerability as the best features of my strong character. nine0003
Sometimes parents force a child very early to take on “adult” responsibilities, to sacrifice their interests in favor of a brother or sister, and the child grows up, confident that no one cares about him. “We feel the most severe pain in those moments when we experience our own worthlessness,” says Svetlana Krivtsova. “If they do this, it means that it is possible with me, it means that I am not worthy of another.” Feeling “worst of all”, building relationships with others is excruciatingly difficult. There are unconscious "filters" through which the growing child "reinterprets" the world in his own way . .. and always not in his favor. nine0003
The ugly duckling
Some people are always preoccupied with adjusting their behavior to the expectations of others. “The reason is the feeling “I ended up here by chance, I am an ugly duckling among white swans,” explains psychoanalyst Marie-Dominique Linder. - This painful feeling is especially strong in adolescence. The teenager is trying with all his might to hide his dissimilarity so that his peers do not push him away, do not expel him from his company. Becoming an adult means overcoming this crisis and asserting yourself as a person. nine0003
What to do?
Understand the “history” of your feeling
Try to remember when the painful feeling of rejection first arose. What event changed your attitude towards yourself? Once you understand this, you can begin to control your experiences.
Do not dramatize
Try to talk freely about your feelings, write down your story. Humor helps you connect with people. By saying what you feel, you will slightly weaken the power of the image in whose captivity you live. nine0003
Open up to people
Don't wait for someone to help you. It takes serious effort to build relationships. Take the first step by trying to see the other person as an ally rather than a potential offender.
Accept it as a fact: you are different from others (just like they are from you) and you don't need their approval to be yourself. By refusing to live dependent on the judgmental gaze of others, you can finally grow up. nine0003
Advice to a stranger
How to help someone who feels rejected in any situation? In a conversation, focus on his opinion, emphasizing that his point of view is important to you. But at the same time, do not indulge, this will lead to the opposite effect: your interlocutor may feel dependent on you, which will increase his feeling of rejection, because you cannot be with him all the time.
Be sincere in your intentions. The fact is that a person who considers himself useless doubts that he can arouse interest in himself. You can convince him that he is really worthy of attention and love only by sincerely communicating with him. nine0003
Text: Tatyana Galesa Photo source: Getty Images
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I feel... but bad . What to do with stress at all times — Career on vc.ru
An article by Tatyana Shcherban, a teacher at the SKOLKOVO business school and a trainer in people management, specially for Atsearch.
Tatyana answered three exciting questions about stress:
- How are stress and psychological needs related? What are the needs and what kind of people do they correspond to? Find yours :)
- How stress manifests itself in each type of people. What does a person begin to do and how to behave? Get to know yourself or colleagues :)
- What should a manager do? How to respond to someone else's stress? What and how to say depending on the type of need?
1. “Don’t worry – be happy.” Does it piss me off? nine0003
Just as our body cannot do without food and water, so our psyche cannot but eat - it also has vital needs. Eric Berne's student Tybee Keiller identified 8 needs in his Process Communication Model (PCM). Each of us has all eight, of which one or two are the most relevant for a person in the current period of life.
Psychological need is the strongest desire that our psyche seeks to satisfy in any way, including negative. Not meeting your needs causes stress. This means that awareness of our psychological needs gives us the keys to understanding our stress, and their positive satisfaction - to stress management. nine0003
So, eight psychological needs. Find the most relevant one for you:
- Organization and planning of time. This is the need for maximum ordering of one's (and not only) life, to reduce uncertainty, the need to devote time to quality planning.
- Recognition of one's work - its scope and quality. Recognize that I work hard and work well.
- Sensory needs - it should be cozy, tasty, beautiful, warm and fragrant around. This is the need for comfort and self-care, getting pleasure from this. nine0090
- The need for unconditional recognition of a person is to feel (not to know, but to feel) that they love me, not because, but just like that.
- Recognition of opinion / contribution - receiving recognition of my contribution, that I brought something, changed something in society, in the profession, in the world, at least at the level of opinions and beliefs of others.
- The need for solitude, time for yourself and immersion in your own world. Not to be confused with loneliness! nine0090
- Need for excitement - thirst for adrenaline, love of risk, battle, victory.
- The need for playful contact, when "our whole life is a game" and "time is not business - it's an hour of fun", but vice versa.
Everyone has all eight needs, but only one or two in a given period of life for a person are the most relevant. It depends on them how stress will manifest itself.
2. JOYFUL STRESS, STRESS DREAM AND OTHER WAYS TO LIVE STRESS. nine0003
Time management/planning (point 1) and Recognition of one's work (point 2) are characteristic of people of the same personality type.
If these needs are not met, the mechanism “if they don’t tell me that I work well, then I work badly” is launched. The need is not satisfied. A person under stress begins to work even harder and harder, proving how much and how well he plows. Working non-stop, he drives himself, losing details from fatigue and making even more mistakes. There is a self-reproach - "it means that I did not finish watching." Over-control and anger at others turn on - “I don’t understand how you can work like this! Why should I go after everyone and remind! Don't you understand how important this is?!" nine0003
Sensory needs (item 3) and needs for unconditional recognition of personality (item 4) also work in pairs.
When they are dissatisfied at the peak of stress, the mask of a whiner is launched. A person really wants to get the love of others, and he begins to try extremely hard to please everyone and adapt to everyone. Because of the fear of rejection, he begins to fuss and make a bunch of small annoying mistakes, incurring the wrath of those around him along with the expected love and care. As a result: “I try so hard for you, but I can’t succeed! I'm bad, I let you down. There is nothing to love me for.” nine0003
If the need for Recognition of an opinion or contribution (point 5) is not met, an attack is launched on you.
At the peak of stress, such a person starts lecturing you. He feels himself on the podium and will already now in any way receive your attention to his point of view. I note that he does not expect agreement with his opinion. He wants society to recognize that his opinion / actions have changed something in this world, profession, industry, business, etc. If he does not receive such recognition, he, without noticing it, begins to impose his opinion. An arrogant moralizing is launched using complex abstruse phrases and great quotes. As a result, he humiliates the position of the interlocutors, which repels others. nine0003
The need for solitude (point 6) when dissatisfied gives rise to a stress dream.
A person, even being in society, goes into his speculative world, becoming "invisible". This "mink" is necessary in order to be with yourself, in your dreams and thoughts. Phrases start but cut off in the middle. Projects start but do not end, because at the peak of stress, such a person can get lost in his inner world, where there is a lot of unspoken, unresolved, desired and invented. He walks around these thoughts as if in a circle, without moving on to action. There is a big risk that others will not notice this stress and will not help. Despair accumulates inside “It turns out that nobody needs me?”. nine0003
Unsatisfied need for excitement (point 7) provokes a person to create drama or crisis.
The mimicry of a shark turns on and the person begins to manipulate others, pushing people's foreheads together and not trying to help. Why help? After all, I am strong, everything is OK with me, and you, let's try to cope on your own. Very often people do not perceive such behavior as stress, involuntarily becoming puppets in its drama. And such a person, feeding his stress, sneers contemptuously and tells you: “Well, every fool can handle money .... What's weak?!" nine0003
Stress play occurs when a person does not satisfy his need for play contact (point 8).
The person is ostentatiously stupid: “trying to figure out” what is written here or what you are telling him now, but… “Pfft! It's sooo difficult! How do you do it! Ufff! No, well, if everything were clearly written here, I would have understood everything a long time ago !!! Oh, how tired I am!!! He begins to joke, tell stories, change the subject, offer to relax, enjoying the attention to himself. He wants to relax already and live playfully! “Why are you all so serious?!” nine0003
Manifestations of stress are richer than what I list. Tybee Keiller proved a mini-script: these are the primary second-by-second signs of the onset of stress. In our Communication Process Model (PCM) trainings, we analyze these signs in detail and teach how to work with them in order to stop the development of stress and return communication to a constructive one. And within the framework of the article, I will further give the basic principles of communication with a person at the peak of stress.
3. WATER WILL NOT HELP A COFFEE DRINKER
The general principle is as follows: in order to reduce or remove the intensity of stress, you need to “feed” the need. Here are the short principles:
1. Organization and planning of time and Recognition of one's work
Stress Peak: Over control and an attack on your thinking in the form of frustrated anger
What to do:
- Give thanks for doing something well and/or planning something. Just describe it in detail. “Thanks to your qualitative risk assessment in the Delta project, the efficiency of the just in time delivery process increased by 7%. What plan do you propose for the Gamma project?” nine0088
- Ask for advice and listen carefully to expert opinion. Ask questions on the study of the topic, dive into the details. Give thanks in the style of: "I finally figured out the topic, because you structured everything."
2. Sensory Needs and Needs for Unconditional Personal Recognition
Peak stress: stupid mistakes, self-deprecation and whining
What to do:
- Turn on all your empathy and care, show understanding and compassion. Offer support, your time to listen to the emotions of such an interlocutor. Say how much you appreciate him/her and that you see his/her experiences and empathize, how you want to help and support. "It's good to have you on my team! You warm everyone with your warmth and attention. Thank you!" nine0088
- Offer something warm, tasty, tactilely soft. “Let me offer you some water. I have time - I will gladly drink tea with you, and you will tell me everything.
3. Recognition of an opinion and/or contribution
Peak stress: Notations and an arrogant attack on you as a person
What to do:
- You need to hear the grain of the statement and take it into account, suggesting a discussion, asking a question at the end. For example, “You are talking about a very important topic. If I heard/understood you correctly, you want to say that…?” “Thank you so much for bringing this topic up. I find this important and very ambiguous. And what do you think, if you look at it from the other side, then ... What do you think? nine0088
- It is helpful to recognize the effect that his/her opinion has had on you: “Now you just talked about the consequences for the next generation, and I saw the interconnections in a new way. This provides significant food for thought from a different angle, don’t you agree?”
4. Need for privacy
The peak of stress: withdraws into his own world and passively waits
What to do:
- Give a pause and the next steps. "I'll give you as much time as you need." “Think calmly. Do not rush." “Take an hour to think about the possible trajectories of events. I'll be back in an hour and we'll discuss possible plans of action." Return to the person to discuss plans after the promised time. nine0088
5. Need for excitement
Peak stress: manipulation; blaming others for being weak.
What to do:
- We need a straightforward reaction - openly stop the manipulation. Your task is to show that you see what the person is doing. Give a positive challenge, turn it into action, especially one that promises big turns and big wins. “This client is the toughest nut to crack. He is tough only for Bisons like you! I bet you a bottle of 20 year old whiskey that you will tear it! Get us an exclusive contract!" nine0088
6. Need for play contact
Peak stress: ostentatious zeal and blaming others for one's difficulties; shifting responsibility to others
What to do:
- He is bored. Your task is to distract \ entertain, make the task easier, fun, playful in form. "Want a joke! Briefly speaking….". They told and returned to the question in the style: “That's it! The game is called - the faster we overcome this report, the faster we pull the coffee "
- Pay attention to this unique creativity and spontaneity! "Cool joke! What a cool thing you have on your desk! Class! You are unique! Shoes - finally fire! WOW is GENIUS!!!"
Stress can be stopped before its peak. To do this, you need to train your ability to see the mini-script of the development of stressful behavior and develop the skill to switch to the language of the interlocutor.