I am giving up on life

The desire to radically change one's profession may be the result of burnout or a psychological midlife crisis. The causes of burnout are usually associated with overtime and stress. And you can read about the desire to change profession in connection with the psychological crisis in our interview with a psychologist. A crisis always strikes at the weakest point. If the weak point is professional self-realization, then you will want to start everything from scratch in the profession, catch up on something that seems lost, something to prove to yourself and others. nine0009

Whatever your motives, there are different options for how to proceed. In each case, it's up to you to decide. But it’s always better not to cut off the shoulder, but to act in a balanced way: if you now have an objectively good job, you have something to lose.

You put an end to your previous career, say goodbye to a boring profession and literally start everything from scratch in a new field.

Pros.
The opportunity to start a new life, plunge headlong into a new profession, environment and acquaintances, completely disconnect from what you are disappointed in or tired of, is always like a breath of fresh air. The first steps in a new profession usually cause excitement and a surge of enthusiasm. Because everything is new, and everything new seems interesting. nine0009

There are examples of successful transitions, and some people generally tend to change professions several times in their lives, as soon as they lose interest in the previous one.

Cons.
You are giving up the benefits that you deserved by previous achievements - a good salary, status and stability.

There are no guarantees that in a new profession you will achieve the same level of earnings and status (position level, weight, recognition in the professional community). Or it can take quite a long time. nine0009

It is possible that in terms of earnings, the level that you had in your previous profession is unattainable in principle in your new profession. Are you ready to lower your standard of living for the sake of your favorite profession?

At the initial stages, along with the pleasure of a new profession, you may have to experience psychological discomfort. Because you are starting your journey in an unfamiliar field, where no one knows you yet, and your previous achievements do not matter. You are again in the role of a beginner. But it is one thing to start such a path at 20 years old, and quite another thing at 30-40 years old, when you are already used to a certain status. nine0009

There is a possibility of disappointment in a new field. It seems attractive from the outside, but when you find yourself inside, it turns out that it has its own routine and its own shortcomings. It remains to be seen whether you want to put up with them.

Tips.
Try to act carefully and as carefully as possible. If it boils so much that you want to break forever with your former profession and not even think about it, it would be good to figure out the reasons first - otherwise the same reasons may soon catch up with you in your new profession. nine0009

To move into a new sphere from scratch, it is better to first create a financial cushion and prepare loved ones for the changes. The path to new success can be long and difficult.

It's great if you have an idea of ​​what you want to do next. It often happens that an acute desire to say goodbye to the former profession has already matured, and there is no clarity with the choice of a new business. Stepping into nowhere is not the best idea. It is worth passing at least a serious detailed career guidance test or consulting with career consultants. By the way, it happens that for the pleasure of work it is enough to reconsider the type of career or business role, while remaining in the same profession. nine0009

But if you decide to move, don't be afraid of failure. If it doesn't work out, if you don't like it - you can always go back to where you are a recognized pro. This is not a shame: you just explored a new area and at the same time gained new experience.

You already know what you would like to do, what attracts you. Try this business first as a hobby, without parting with your usual profession.

Pros.
You do not refuse stability and a good salary, status, but at the same time you try something interesting for you. nine0009

If you like the job, then the hobby can gradually develop into a profession - so that you enter it not quite as a beginner and even with a set of necessary contacts. It's much easier than starting from scratch.

In any case, a new hobby will allow you to switch and can give you energy to survive the burnout and frustration of your usual job.

Cons.
Not suitable for all activities. For example, it is still possible to conduct amateur lectures on the history of art in some local cultural center, but to engage in psychological consultations without being a professional psychologist, or to conduct classes with children without being a teacher, is unlikely. nine0009

Tips.
Start learning, attend thematic events, find groups on this topic in social networks and join them, subscribe to the stars of the professional community.

You will find a circle of acquaintances in a new professional environment and will be able to find out from those who already work there what are the disadvantages and prospects. This will allow you to make an informed decision whether you should transfer this business to the format of a profession or it is better to leave it in hobby mode.

You are doing a new favorite thing professionally in parallel with your usual main job: for example, in the evenings, on weekends, or you agree on a shortened work week for this at your main job. nine0009

Usually the second profession gradually "grows" out of a hobby. And an invitation to the first job in a new specialty also often comes from hobby friends - we wrote about such stories. But you can try to start a parallel profession from scratch - for example, go to school and immediately look for a job.

Pros.
You combine business with pleasure: a bored profession that gives you a stable income and status, with a profession that is more interesting to you or seems more useful than the main one. This is a good compromise: you don't have to worry about money and losing status. nine0009

If nothing works out in your new profession, you don't risk anything because you didn't quit your old job. If everything works out in a new profession, you can gradually completely switch to it when you become an experienced specialist in it, and not a beginner.

Experience in two different professions allows you to look at work processes from an unexpected angle in each of them. You may have ideas on how to combine the advantages of both professions in one activity. nine0009

Cons.
You will have almost no free time, and more duties and responsibilities. It is one thing to do something as a hobby, purely for fun and not responsible for anything, another thing is to do it on a professional basis and be responsible. As a result, fatigue and stress are possible. Some people have enough energy for two professions, some do not.

Tips.
Soberly assess your strengths and workload at your main job: do they allow you to take on a new additional load? Keep in mind that at first parallel work will take a lot of energy, even if you only do it a couple of days a week. Just because you have to dive into everything new. nine0009

Think about how to free up time for a second job and set aside at least one day for a good rest to recuperate. Option: agree on a shortened working day or a shortened working week at the main place. If this is not possible at your current job, you should find a more forgiving option before starting to work in a second profession.

____________________
Do you have several ideas at once, what would you like to do in parallel with your main job? Try to choose what suits you best with the help of a detailed career guidance test. nine0009

Good luck! There should be a place for pleasure in work.

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“I myself!”: why we refuse help and how to learn to accept it

April 11, 2022 Life

Children's experience is to blame for everything, but it can be overcome on your own with the help of psychologist's tips. nine0009

You can listen to a short version of the article. If it's more convenient for you, turn on the podcast.

What beliefs prevent us from accepting help? This also affects his attitude to help. Here are some common beliefs why we refuse it.

Accepting help means being obligated

Perhaps the parents were of the opinion that any service must be repaid. And in order not to become a "debtor", you need to reject such proposals. nine0009

Kristina Kostikova

Psychologist.

At the bottom of this belief lie difficulties in building interpersonal boundaries, lack of emotional separation from parents, as well as the fear of being bad if you refuse a person who has already helped you.

Another common reason is parental manipulation. Doing something for the child, they automatically thought that now he is obliged to do something for them. By refusing, he faced reproaches of ingratitude. nine0009

The child came to a logical conclusion: since it is impossible to refuse mutual favors, it is better not to ask mom and dad for anything. Having matured, he extends this belief throughout his life and tries to protect himself from such manipulations as best he can.

Accepting help means admitting one's weakness

Parents tried to convince the child that he shouldn't share his difficulties with others. To admit that you couldn't do something meant to make yourself vulnerable, and this could be taken advantage of by enemies. It is possible that family members tended to deny the existence of problems in principle. nine0009

All this gave rise in a person to an internal ban on accepting help, as well as great tension and doubts about how normal it is to experience difficulties.

Accepting help means not coping with the task

This happens if a child was praised only when he did something on his own. Only the results obtained through pain and difficulties were valued. And if he was helped, it is no longer his merit. Then the child could hear reproaches, sarcasm, ridicule.

Kristina Kostikova

Psychologist.

Growing up, a person unconsciously begins to look at his life through the prism of "it counts - it does not count." Accepting help means losing the inner game with his parents and himself, so he will avoid it in every possible way.

To accept help means to redo everything later.

A person is sure that his potential helpers will do everything wrong. As a result, time will be wasted and will have to be redone. The parental pattern of behavior here is guessed “from three notes”. The child was asked to do something, and then, instead of gratitude, they were scolded for the inability to cope with the task. nine0009

Kristina Kostikova

Psychologist.

As you can see, behind all the above reasons lies a deeper layer of perception. From all situations, the psyche of people has learned that it is not safe to accept help. Refusing it, people simply do not want to face unbearable experiences for them.

How to deal with limiting beliefs

There is no universal way, because everyone has their own reasons for refusing help. To learn to accept it, it is important to find exactly what belief is blocking you and work with it. Kristina Kostikova advises to think over several questions:

• Why do I refuse to accept help?
• What do I associate with accepting help?
• Am I eligible for assistance?
• What will I think of myself if I accept it?
• How would I feel if someone helped me?
• What do I think of people who easily accept help when they need it?
• What was the attitude towards help in my family?
• What am I afraid of? What is the worst thing that can happen to me if I accept help? nine0200

When the cause is found, it is important to realize that you have chosen a strategy of behavior as the only one available and safe for your psyche. This is fine. Living organisms tend to adjust and adapt to the environment in which they are located.

Don't blame or scold yourself for this. Judging parents is also not an option. They did the best they could and could not share with you what they did not possess themselves. But you have to wonder if this strategy is good for you now. If not, change it. nine0009

You need to see that unconsciously you transfer the situation of interaction with your parents to everyone around you. But other people are not your mother or father. Try to accept help and prove to yourself the opposite, positive side of this process. Even if you feel that you are falling into previous experiences, explain to yourself the true reason for what is happening, try to support yourself and act in a new way.

Kristina Kostikova

Psychologist.

Accepting help is absolutely normal. We are living people who can have difficulties. You will be able to move on much faster and more joyfully if you understand that each of us sometimes needs support and support.

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