I am a serious person
3 Reasons You Should Befriend an Intensely Serious Person | by Dawn Bevier
We can help you see the world in a new way — and hopefully, you can do the same for us.Image by Nikkitink44 on Pixabay
I must admit. I’m not really a person who might want to spend a weekend with. Or even a whole day. Why? I’m what you might call an intensely serious personality. And that can be off-putting.
The Instagram scrolls with vanity shots? I have no tolerance for them. The funny memes or The Office allusions? I wouldn’t know them because I don’t watch tv all that much, especially comedies. The Youtube videos where people film themselves eating lemons or acting foolish for worldwide attention? They turn me off. They bore me. I’ve got better things to do with my time.
And brood some more.
I’m in my head twenty-four hours a day. And it’s hell in there at times. The doors are locked tight and I’m surrounded by all sorts of people — Fear, Ambition, Desire, Regret, Disgust. (Did I mention I’m claustrophobic?)
Yet ironically, this place holds a bittersweet place for me. I have to stay there. Because a part of me believes that the answers to all my dreams and questions are in there — somewhere — and I just have to be brave enough to hang around, find them, and make friends with them.
You see, I’m a learner, a feeler, a thinker, and a doer. And that almost sums it up. (Sad, isn’t it?)
And if you are not doing one of these things with me, you usually won’t get a second glance.
And perhaps this is why they will need to hire mourners to attend my funeral so I won’t be embarrassed looking down from the great beyond.
Don’t get me wrong. I do have friends, but they are few and far between. However, they are the best type of friends because they understand (and maybe even love some) of the things my personality type can bring to their life.
So, how can getting to know that serious person in your own life benefit you or make your existence more worthwhile?
We can help you think things through when you are struggling.
No one has pondered all the sides of a situation as much as a serious person. Very few choices we are faced with are trivial to us. After all, we are constantly looking at the bigger picture. If I eat this brownie, will it set off a chain reaction that will derail my whole diet? If I take this day off of the job, is the time at home worth the mountain of work I will come back to the next day? If I don’t work a little on this work project today will it mean the end result is sloppy, unorganized, and an obvious indicator of my lack of responsibility and work ethic?
We can help you sort through all the possible questions and concerns when you have an issue with which you are struggling. Just beware: we will bring it all to the table. Don’t expect to leave the conversation wearing rose-colored glasses. But do expect to be heard. And please appreciate us for listening and thinking so intently about your problems with you. It means we care.
We can introduce you to the beauty of the arts.
Most serious people strive for perfection in their lives and when we see that spark of genius and perfection in the creative arts, it mesmerizes us. We can feel a nocturne of Chopin’s in a way very few can. We can somehow inhabit the mind of the artist or jump into the landscapes that Monet brings to life on the canvas. We also love to explore all the beautiful and painful questions that arise from the pages of a novel or poetry.
And we love to share our feelings of admiration and thoughts on these creative souls and their masterpieces with a willing listener. We crave other souls who see the majesty of these things that are so often taken for granted. And if you tell us that you’re not a fan of these artistic creations, we would adore spending hours with you explaining why the arts are one of life’s greatest gifts.
Maybe we can bring beauty and passion into your life that you didn’t know existed — the joy that can spring from a simple musical note, painted canvas, or written word.
We can motivate you to be your best.
Achievement is a one of the serious person’s greatest passions.
We strive constantly to be better at the things that matter to us. And if you need a good kick in the pants to get to work on your dreams, come see us. We can encourage you. Give you steps to accomplish the goals you have set for yourself. Likely, we can provide numerous options to get to this place of success because we have researched them all for ourselves. We, again, will not make the journey to your best self look painless and simple, but we will remind you of the benefits that can be gained and the wonderful ways your life can transform if you will only work towards your dreams. We can do this you see because these inspirations are what keep us going through all the hard work and intense focus we place on our own life ambitions.
So listen to us when we tell you about visualization or small habit formation or behavioral therapy. We might just help you achieve things you never imagined.Image by StockSnap on Pixabay
What can you do for us?
Free us, please. Just for a few hours. Unlock the doors that cage us to our cerebral faculties and show us how the “other half” lives. Force us to go to a funny movie or watch just one hilarious video on social media. We might roll our eyes — but then we might laugh. And if we do, you know that you’ve done something pretty special, right? Because laughing for us doesn’t always come easy.
Show us how to relax. Remind us that it’s sometimes fun to eat dessert first. Make us put our work away for a few hours and just “chill.” This is a unique and valuable skill that, for all our learning, we have never been able to master. If you can bring us closer to achieving that divine state, there is no end to how that might affect our lives in a wonderful wonderful way.
The bottom line
Don’t look at the quiet soul sitting deep in thought in the corner and label him a “wet rag” or “Debbie-downer.” We serious people can’t help that we are stuck in our heads. It’s our living space, after all. And we may not know any other. So you show us your world, and we’ll show you ours. And maybe, at this magical joining, the yin and yang may finally meet and show us the truth: that the most beautiful life is one that combines both elements together in harmony.
Overly Serious Coping
Are you a serious person? Do you have overly-serious coping? What does that even mean? A dictionary definition of serious is showing deep thought, not joking, or a situation that requires careful thought. An example of serious is wearing a full suit to a casual dinner; serious attire. An example of serious is a person who doesn’t smile or laugh easily; serious person.
Of course there’s a time to be serious. But there are also times to be playful and teasing. It’s all about context and being flexible. Being overly-serious is like the person who wears a shirt and tie to the backyard barbecue. Sometimes it can make others uncomfortable and the research shows that being able to play and laugh is important for relationships and for coping well.
Being too serious can come from catastrophic thinking, or fearfulness. For some, it comes from being (perhaps unknowingly) on guard. What if you say the wrong thing or hurt someone’s feelings? You cope with worry and concerns and fears by having a serious view of life and what could go wrong.
For others, it’s just the way they live their life. They see life in serious ways.It’s true of course that life has many serious, difficult experiences.So perhaps playfulness and teasing may seem confusing or you don’t see the point. Maybe you don’t get how you are being overly-serious.
One of the ways of being too serious is hearing what others say literally. Imagine that I tell someone, “I love your hair that way!” with lots of enthusiasm. He responds, “So you hated it the other way?” I take him seriously and start apologizing. “No,no, it looked good the other way too, I just prefer this style. ” Nothing wrong with that response, unless I over-apologize and become flustered. The truth is he is playing with me. I’m responding in all seriousness. How much more fun if I responded with a smile, “Yeah, I’ve been wondering for years when you would change that hairstyle.” Now we’re playing, enjoying the exchange. The mundane interchange is spiced with humor. (Okay, sometimes teasing can fall flat. That’s awkward, but it can be managed.)
Why tease? Teasing is a way of showing someone you like them. It adds fun to the interaction. Teasing is kind–if it’s not kind, has an edge, then it’s something else, not playing.
Overly-serious coping can mean that you are task-oriented to a fault. You focus on getting a job done. No messing around and wasting time.When moving for example, you focus on all those boxes. The mess! Unpacking, getting rid of the mess, and being able to function in your home is a top priority. You don’t want to “waste time” by playing around. When friends or your spouse puts on a Micky Mouse hat that was in one of the boxes and starts to sing, you smile and keep working. You don’t take a second to laugh with him or sing along.
What about work tasks? Is there a manual to be written? Dishes to be done? Then buckle down and do it. Teasing and joking around is “wasting time.” If others are goofing off, you’re impatient. You could be finished so much faster if everyone just focused on the task. Work first, play later, right?
Hmmm, not so much. Turns out that playing around makes work more fun. The time goes faster and youfeelbetter while you’re doing the work. It’s not so grueling. Over- seriousness adds to the tediousness or drudgery of the task, not only for yourself but for everyone else. Playing around can take only minutes, but adds relaxation, fun and friendliness to the situation.
Playful teasing, goofing off, and finding things to laugh about are part of how people bond and adds joy to the day and routine tasks.. Putting on a Christmas hat you’ve unpacked in July and sing a Christmas carol? It’s all in good fun. It’s also one of those things you can choose to laugh at…or not. Sometimes having fun is a choice to pay attention to small, amusing things that happen.
When the dog climbs on those moving boxes, seemingly to keep you from carrying them to the truck, you could grumble and fuss (after all, you’re probably tired) or you could laugh or smile at their antics.
It’s a dialectic. There’s probably a long list of things to be serious about and at the same time there are small things we can notice for smiles and laughs. Doing so adds to your coping skills.
Photo by Timothy Barlin on Unsplash
Mickey Mouse Hat Photo by Leighann Renee on Unsplash
A serious person - does seriousness go hand in hand with joy, and if not, is it necessary?
How did we start with wings,
What will we become in the end?
In the last couple of weeks I've been full of mountain skiing and concerts on my pages, apparently, it's time to return to serious topics. And it is the seriousness that I want to talk about today.
Some people ask me: how did you even come to this? Blogs, some guitars… It's like you're sixteen years old. It's not serious somehow. Serious, it seems, he was such a man, a lawyer, he was engaged in a serious matter, and now ... Some kind of garbage is toiling about. nine0003
An interesting question that made me think: what kind of fetish do we have about seriousness? And that is really serious? And why do you need to be serious , and not happy ? Who prioritized? Where did the belief that only the serious can be successful come from?
My own experience and the experience of those I observe around me convinces me that excessive seriousness rarely implies joy, and if there is no joy, then what the hell is success?! Your brilliant career isn't worth a damn if it doesn't bring you happiness. nine0003
In fact, for most people, "serious" means "boring." The edge is very thin. A serious book is a boring book. A serious theatrical production is when you have to sit with a smart look and try not to fall asleep. A serious lawyer is such a pot-bellied guy in a huge leather chair against the backdrop of a cabinet full of codes and collections of court decisions. There is a gold watch on his hand, longing in his eyes. The profession is such, what can you do (there are a priori such “serious” professions). Whatever one may say, it is difficult for a lawyer to jokingly and with cheerful enthusiasm carry out a major M&A deal. Of course, as a professional he can be is interesting , but there is not much fun and joy in .
Yes, in general, it is difficult to reproach me for frivolity. I, it seems, is not a bastard ... so to speak, non penis canina , if scientifically. He made a successful career as a lawyer, worked in reputable offices for seventeen years, and now I can state with responsibility that the seriousness in them is often not real, fake.
What does the notorious corporate "seriousness" look like? There is such a myth about serious uncles and aunts in respected serious offices. At the same time, you sit at “serious” meetings and cannot help smiling: some overdressed horseradish in a gold frame puffs, puffs out his cheeks, tries to impress, crush everyone around with his “authority”. And the people quietly giggle into the rag, because they know that there is nothing behind this inflated facade - emptiness and cynicism (into the rag, because it's scary in the open). Seriousness is not a sign of intelligence. What is serious in such "seriousness"? nine0003
And you sit there and think - what the hell am I doing here?! As Radiohead's Thom Yorke sings, "What the hell am I doing here? I don't belong here." Why should I listen to all sorts of donkeys? I have completely different interests and priorities, and here I am selling my life ... I give it for loot. And the time is tick-tock, tick-tock, tick-tock... And it becomes sad. It's kind of boring. And ashamed. Did not live up to the expectations of the Universe, becoming sad.
The real problem is that I've been "serious" for too long. So long that it became boring . Boring with others, boring even with yourself, and this is the last stage. And where there is boredom, there is sadness. And where there is sadness, there is no place for happiness. This is the main danger that very serious people are exposed to.
"In the soul of every notary lies the remains of a poet," said Flaubert. This phrase sunk into my soul and for many years I constantly thought: why should there be exactly remains of ? Why can't there be a living poet there? Is it possible to combine ? Now I understand: a few people can, but in the bulk - no.
They ask, when did you decide to change everything? Was it spontaneous or just accumulated? I will say this: most of all it was like a Japanese bamboo fountain - drop by drop, drop by drop, and then it turns over.
I remember when I was fifteen I wrote to myself: “I don't want to become stiff. I don't want to turn into a log. Don't ever let yourself get numb!" And at the age of thirty-seven, I realized that I had practically turned into a log. nine0003
Stunned like a log,
Remaining from the alley,
Everyone is equal to me,
I don’t care…
— Marina Tsvetaeva has such lines.
And if the spell of "successful, serious and practical" life is not removed now, then this will never happen again. The stiffening will happen irreversibly...
Someone wrote that I am a romantic, that I am not practical. I do not agree. I could be called an incorrigible romantic and reproached for idealism and impracticality if I were twenty-two and my entire career would not be behind me. But I'm thirty-seven, and I realized that painstaking work on myself is by no means romantic, but very practical. It is ultimately a matter of survival. nine0003
A romantic is someone who hopes for the best, leaving his fate in the hands of others, someone who hopes that will take care of him . A romantic does not waste time on his development and health, and hopes that everything will be fine in the end. Will not be. The body refuses to function normally when you have no purpose and meaning, when you live like a vegetable. Therefore, I is exceptionally practical and not at all romantic.
Meaningfulness is practical. Health is practical. Self-realization is practical. A meaningful life is practical. And by the way, is very productive .
Practicality can be understood as a lie. Including himself. Honesty is really not practical and risky. She could cost you your life. But it can also give you life.
So how did I end up like this?
Just tired of lying. To yourself and others. Tired of pretending to be serious. Tired of playing the role of a "serious" person, because there is nothing serious in this exaggerated "seriousness".
Seriousness in itself has no value if there is no joy .
I'M A SERIOUS PERSON
"I'm a serious person, I won't indulge in your esoteric nonsense!" You must have come across this statement. Or maybe that very serious person is you?
I'll tell you a story.
In the early 2000s, our advertising agency worked with a large client. Very large - one of the leading developers in the south of Russia. In addition to the construction business, there were banks, grain, a fuel company, politics - the owner was more than serious. Meetings, briefings were held every day, concepts and budgets were defended, all work was based on numbers and graphs. And on the desktop of the big boss were stone spheres. And in the office everything was thought out to the smallest detail - from drawings with sacred symbols to plants. And the days of important transactions were chosen with the help of an astrologer. nine0003
And before serious negotiations, the owner flew to the mountains for several days and returned from there full of energy, with energy of such concentration that any walls would break through.
Business went uphill, employees and partners tried to keep the bar high, they flew to study in the best business schools in Europe, and the wise owner from time to time called the full-time witch into the office and ordered a special collection of herbs through a personal assistant.
No one could outplay him, and even employees who knew the boss well could neither trick him, nor manipulate him, nor hide some flaw from him - he saw through everyone. nine0003
Behind every successful man is a strong woman.
Behind every accomplished and wealthy person there is a synthesis - a synthesis of rational and spiritual, secular education, life experience and sacred knowledge, a team of professionals and strong witches, financial strategies and astrological forecasts
does not deny. He, at a minimum, admits that everything can exist - even what he does not understand or does not yet own. This applies to everything - from the potential billions that are somewhere (we admit this fact), which means that they can be appropriated, drawn into this reality, to magical abilities that can affect the outcome of the most difficult negotiations. nine0003
Denial is a deliberately weak position, it deprives of prospects and opportunities and gives odds to those who allow themselves to look at the world differently, to see it in volume, to act not only according to strict rules, but also holistically, intuitively, irrationally, but very wisely.
A mix of tools and knowledge, a synthesis, a living space that is constantly transforming to suit tasks. Somewhere you need to strengthen the ratio and conduct an additional audit without any magic. And somewhere the right runostav will work better than the most professional negotiator. nine0003
Much later, already working in the capital, my team and I became convinced that "esotericism" had long ceased to be a hobby of housewives who read horoscopes mixed with recipes, something forbidden or shameful.
For centuries, secret knowledge was elite information, accessible only to the powerful of this world, rulers, clergymen. Wisdom, intuition and the ability to influence what is happening not only gave power and influence in obvious ways, helped to achieve results where ordinary people doubted, gave up or did not know what to do. nine0003
Remember the story: pharaohs, kings, kings, fearless warriors and influential politicians - all of them, except for noble birth and excellent education, possessed what is commonly called "esotericism" today - knowledge about the magical laws of the Universe, about subtle plans, energy, stars, symbols, minerals, herbs and potions. Their goals have always been aimed at transforming themselves and the world and were not limited to one victory or a successful deal.
Studying esoteric knowledge is simply necessary if you are a serious person. Otherwise, you will narrow the horizons of your opportunities and influence to a boring home-work-vacation track and never know your real potential. nine0003
Those who have never felt their real impact on life and have not enjoyed the result call this knowledge “nonsense”.
It's like with sex - up to a certain age, children, seeing adults kissing, make faces and say: "Ugh, I'll never do that, it's disgusting."
And then they grow up and understand something about this process.
If you are still afraid of "subtle matters", just try to work with them. You'll like it.
But to the question of what to choose - astrology or Human Design, Tarot cards or runes, an herbalist grandmother or a northern shaman, we will answer you in one word: synthesis.