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How to overcome being hurt in a relationship


How to Get Over Hurt Feelings in a Relationship: 10 Ways

Are you and your partner having a rough time in your relationship? Do you feel broken that your romantic partner has betrayed your trust? Knowing how to deal with hurt feelings in a relationship can save you from emotional trauma. Learn in this relationship guide how to get over hurt feelings in a relationship.

Hurt in a relationship is a regular occurrence. It can be excruciating when someone hurts you beyond repair. But the truth is individuals are bound to hurt each other in a romantic or ordinary relationship. 

Many couples that hurt each other do so not because they are selfish or wicked. They do so because they don’t realize it. We all come from different backgrounds, and adapting to another person’s lifestyle can be difficult. Therefore, individuals don’t always see their actions leaving their partner broken.

For example, you’ve been working all day and are tired. You request that your partner at home prepares a meal before you return, but they don’t.  

When you ask them why, they say they slept off. Of course, you are well in your right to get angry, but your partner says they slept off, which is an uncontrollable action. Then, you both end up in a big fight. 

However, wallowing in pain and regret won’t solve the problem. Getting angry will only mess you up emotionally. And in the silence you created during the argument, resentment builds up. 

You go to bed feeling betrayed while your partner watches the TV or storms out. This behavior isn’t the best way to handle hurt in a relationship. 

Importantly, it is best to learn how to get over hurt feelings. Also, knowing how to move forward in a relationship after being hurt will help you focus on essential things in your life and become a better person. Read on to find out how.

How to get over hurt feelings in a relationship: 10 ways

Being hurt in a relationship by your partner affects you a lot. Regardless of what caused the hurt in a relationship, you must understand that pain is part of life. You will get better with time. 

But before you do, there are positive steps you can take on how to deal with the hurt. These tips will also show you how to trust someone again after they hurt you. Here they are:

1. Allow yourself to grieve

How to get over hurt feelings in a relationship? Feel every bit of pain that comes from the issue. There is no point repressing your emotions when someone hurts you beyond repair – it is! Someone whom you trusted just broke your heart. 

As an emotional person, you are allowed to cry and express how you feel. When you pretend you are fine, you will likely cope with the hurt through unhealthy habits. These include transferring aggression, lashing out at your friends, and smoking and drinking alcohol excessively.

2. Express your feelings clearly

How to move forward in a relationship after being hurt? Express your feelings in a healthy way. Now that you know how you feel. Don’t just camp in your house for days thinking and swimming in self-pity or transferring aggression either.  

Instead, get to the bottom of the hurt in a relationship. Even though it sounds silly, you should speak to yourself about your feelings. If you can’t do that, get a journal and write everything down without mincing words or holding anything back. Write or say everything you feel until there is nothing more to say. 

Related Reading: How to Share Your Feelings With Your Spouse

3. Accept your hurt

How to get over hurt feelings? Acknowledge your pain and label your emotions. When someone hurts you beyond repair, you feel disappointed. It can be painful that you can’t stand the person anymore and shut out the world. 

Nevertheless, recognizing the hurt for what it is can help you heal faster. Start by asking yourself, “Why do I feel the way I do?” Is it because of the fight with John or what he said during the argument? Keep asking these questions until you know where your ill feelings come from. 

For example, if it’s the words that hurt you and not the actual fight, you will know how to get over hurt from the fight. In this scenario, you can talk to your partner and tell them that the words they said hurt you.

Related Reading: How to Deal With Disappointment in Relationships: 10 Ways

4. Talk to the other person in the relationship

One of the best ways to get over hurt in a relationship is to let someone know they hurt you. Indeed, this might be difficult for a lot of people. But it can help you heal faster than you think. Besides, it is a way of building healthy communication in a relationship.

Start a conversation in a low and calm tone. Tell your spouse how you feel and how they crossed your boundary and hurt you. Ensure you don’t yell or lash out at them. When you are finished, allow them to talk and listen actively. That means understanding their point of view without judging. 

Remember, others might not even realize they hurt us. However, creating a safe place for communication will help you understand each other better.

5. Make positive emotional changes

How not to get hurt in a relationship? Manage your emotions. Indeed, you can’t change the way you feel after being hurt in a relationship. However, there are ways to move things around to soothe you. Otherwise, they can take over your life and make you lose control. 

One of the ways to make changes about your feelings is to take positive action. Taking steps to fix an issue ensures you don’t dwell on your pain. For example, if your partner blames you for not helping out with some house chores even though you are always busy, try to do at least one house chore. 

Similarly, distract yourself from your emotions by staying busy. Read some books, visit a friend or go to the gym. You will hardly think about your problems when you are busy. Also, you can try engaging in some exercises, including yoga, running, and swimming. These activities will make you light-headed and focus on what’s essential in your life.

This video teaches how to master and control your emotions:

Related Reading: 14 Tips on How to Control Your Emotions in a Relationship

6. Don’t dwell on the past

How to trust someone again after they hurt you? Don’t focus on the past. Congratulations! You have felt the pain without repressing your emotions. You know precisely what you feel and why you feel that way. 

Now, quit feeling sad about it. Don’t let this event define you and your subsequent actions. You must find closure and move on. That means thinking positively, so you are not focusing on the issue.

One way to avoid dwelling on the past event after being hurt in a relationship is to learn from the problem. Highlight the lessons from the issue and create a feasible plan to deal with hurt and avoid similar situations in the future. When you take these actions, you become confident to move forward. 

Related Reading: How to Let Go of the Past: 15 Simple Steps

7. Focus on the crucial things in your life

Sometimes, being hurt in a relationship can make you blind to the good things in your life. Irrespective of what transpired between you and your partner, understand that you are not broken. You are as human as any other person in the world. Appreciate the good things and people in your life.

Start by listing the activities that make you happy. Make a conscious effort to reconnect with these activities. Focusing on these events can change the awful ways you feel about yourself. Importantly, be grateful for these things. Move closer to people that love you and improve your relationship with them.

Furthermore, try to make someone in your family or friends happy. Seeing others happy because of our actions can lift our spirit. Appreciate the little things such as a good meal or the ability to wake up and see a remarkable turn of events in your life.

8. Take responsibility

How to get over hurt feelings in a relationship? Acknowledge your role in the event. When we dwell too much on how we are hurt, it might prevent us from seeing our role in events. 

Think about the problem to know where you stand. Could you have spoken or reacted differently? Taking responsibility for your actions helps you know your weaknesses and shows you how to improve.  

Related Reading: Why Is Accepting Responsibilities in a Relationship Important?

9. Take care of yourself

How to move forward in a relationship after being hurt? Focus on self-care. Research shows that a self-care routine helps reduce or prevent depression, anxiety, stress, and anger. It also helps to increase happiness and improve your energy. 

Taking care of yourself can come in different forms, including financially, emotionally, physically, etc. For example, you can decide to take yourself out, get some new clothes, and eat good food. These events help to increase your self-worth and make you feel good about yourself.

10. Talk to someone

How to get over hurt feelings in a relationship? You may need to speak to another person. After all that is said, you might still find it challenging to move forward when someone hurts you beyond repair. That’s where you need the help of an outsider with a unique perspective. 

Your family members and closest friends might come in handy here. You will be fine if you trust their judgment and opinion. On the other hand, these people might not be capable enough to see through the hurt you feel. 

Hence, a therapist or relationship counselor might provide great insight into your issue. They can also help you develop healthy ways to come up with your problems and how to move forward in the relationship.

The bottom line

It’s inevitable not to hurt each other in a relationship. After all, we are from different backgrounds and have different dispositions towards life. When you are hurt, knowing how to overcome hurt feelings in a relationship is best. Thankfully, the tips in this article help you understand how to heal hurt in a relationship.

Repairing Hurt In A Relationship

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There is nothing like feeling betrayed by someone you love and trust the most. Betrayal, dishonesty, or unfaithfulness can rip apart a relationship and make trust seem impossible. These are five steps that you can take to rebuild trust and fix a relationship so that you and your partner can move on.

Offer a sincere apology. You must apologize if your actions significantly contributed to your relationship problems. You don't need to be held responsible for all that went wrong in your relationship. However, you should be honest about your mistakes and offer an apology for them. In your apology, you should address your errors and explain how they affected your partner. Remorseful statements should be accompanied by explanations about how you intend to avoid repeating the same mistakes in the future. If your partner apologizes, make sure you listen and allow them to make amends.

Forgive others. You cannot regain trust unless you first take control of your emotions and find inner peace in the situation. People are often reluctant to forgive because they don't want to make the other person pay. Forgiveness is not about the other person; it's about you and your emotional freedom. You can overcome anger and resentment by taking a step back and acknowledging your partner's strengths. Remember that everyone is imperfect and makes mistakes.

You can forgive yourself. You might have made a significant mistake in your relationship, or you may have taken responsibility for the actions of another person. If you want to improve your relationship, it is essential to forgive yourself. Self-forgiveness is about self-acceptance and self-compassion. Recognizing your self-worth is a critical component of self-forgiveness. You deserve to be treated with respect, regardless of your imperfections and weaknesses. Keep in mind that your partner chose to behave a certain way, and it reflects who they are.
  

The future is what you should be focusing on. It is easier to forgive if we know that they won't repeat the same mistakes. Ask your partner to make the necessary behavior changes and show respect. Ask for specific behavior changes to help you repair the relationship if your partner has violated your trust. You could ask for financial accountability, limited access to social media, and the cutting off relationships. This could mean more dates, more physical affection, greater openness to feelings, and relationship counseling with qualified therapists.

Regain your faith. Although it can be challenging to accept, there is always a part of faith in trusting another person. It's easier to have faith when you aren't being let down. However, you might feel overwhelmed by doubts, distrust, and even paranoia after a betrayal. You can only decide if the person has done enough to restore your faith.

Our caring therapists can help you overcome life’s greatest challenges. Contact us today!

It hurts me, it hurts: how to survive the loss of a relationship?

Psychologies: Why is it so hard to leave?

Victoria Dubinskaya: There are several reasons. The first is that at a basic, biological level, we need someone nearby, without a relationship we cannot. In the mid-twentieth century, neuroscientist Donald Hebb experimented with volunteers, trying to figure out how long they could be alone. Nobody made it for over a week. And subsequently, the participants' mental processes were disturbed, hallucinations began. We can do without a lot of things, but not without each other. nine0005

But why don't we live peacefully without everyone?

VD: And this is the second reason: we have many needs that we can only satisfy in contact with each other. We want to feel valued, loved, needed. Third, we need others to make up for what was missing in childhood.

If a child had distant or cold parents who raised him but did not give him spiritual warmth, in adulthood he will look for someone who will fill this emotional hole. There may be several such deficits. And frankly, we all experience some kind of deficiency. Finally, just interest: we are interested in each other as individuals. Because we are all different, each is unique and unlike the other. nine0005

Will it hurt when you part?

ID: Optional. Pain is a reaction to injury, insult, insult, which we often experience, but not always. It happens that a couple breaks up, so to speak, beautifully: without screams, scandals, mutual accusations. Simply because they are no longer connected.

Parting by mutual agreement - and then there is no pain, but there is sadness. And pain is always associated with a wound. Hence the feeling that something has been torn out of us. What is this pain about? It is an indicator of the significance of the other for us. One disappears from our life, and nothing changes, as if it never existed. And the other leaves, and we understand how much everything was connected with him! We experience relationships as a kind of channel for the movement of life. nine0005

As soon as I imagine the one I love, something immediately begins to rise inside. An invisible force is pulling towards him. And when it is not there, it turns out that the channel is cut off, I simply cannot live what I want in full. Energy rises, but goes nowhere. And I find myself in frustration - I can not do what I want! I have no one. And it hurts.

Who has the hardest parting?

VD: Those who are in an emotionally dependent relationship. They need the one they have chosen like oxygen, without it they begin to suffocate. I had a case in practice when a man left a woman, and she fell ill for three days. I didn’t hear or see anything, despite the fact that she had a baby! nine0005

And she was killing herself, because in her understanding, with the departure of this man, her life came to an end. For someone who is emotionally dependent, the whole life narrows down to one subject, and that becomes irreplaceable. And when parting, the addict has the feeling that he was torn to pieces, the support was removed, he was made disabled. It's unbearable. In Austria, they are even going to introduce the name of a new disease - "unbearable love suffering."

How are emotional dependence and wounded self-love related - “I was rejected”? nine0004

ID: These are the links of one chain. Wounded self-esteem comes from self-doubt. And this, like the tendency to addiction, is the result of attention deficit in childhood. In Russia, almost everyone has low self-esteem, as it happened historically. Our grandfathers had flints, and our parents are very functional - work for the sake of work, pull everything on yourself. One question for the child: “What grade did you get at school?” Not to praise, to cheer, but to demand something all the time. And therefore, our inner confidence, understanding of our significance, it is underdeveloped, and therefore vulnerable. nine0005

So uncertainty is our national trait?

VD: You could say that. Another national feature is that we are afraid to be vulnerable. What were we told in childhood when it was bad? "Stay calm and carry on!" Therefore, we hide the fact that we are in pain, cheer up, create the appearance that everything is fine, and try to convince others of this. And the pain comes at night, does not let you sleep. She is rejected, but not lived. This is bad. Because the pain needs to be shared with someone, to mourn. Psychologist Alfried Lenglet has an expression: “Tears wash the wounds of the soul.” And it is true. nine0005

What is the difference between separation and loss?

VD: Separation is not a one-way process, it involves at least two people. And we can do something: react, say, answer. And the loss puts us before the fact, this is what life confronts me and that I need to somehow work it out inside myself. And parting is an already processed fact, meaningful.

How to alleviate your suffering from loss?

ID: That's just the processed losses become more tolerable. Let's say you're struggling with the fact of aging. Let's analyze where it comes from. Most often, we hold on to youth, when we have not realized something in life and as if we want to go back in time and have time to do it. If we find this reason that we once didn’t finish it like that, work it out, you can transfer the loss of youth to the rank of parting and let it go. And still need support. Drama happens when they are not. Fell in love, broke up, looked back - but there is nothing to rely on. Then parting turns into hard labor. And if there are close friends, a favorite business, financial well-being, this supports us. nine0005

How to deal with the pain of a breakup: 9 tips

September 1, 2017 Relationship

To make the pain of a breakup go faster, here are some tips to help you get through the breakup.

Do not promise to remain friends

In an ideal world, former lovers part with a smile and promise to be friends to the grave. In reality, it can be painful to see someone who previously gave love and affection, and now put someone else's photo on the desktop. If the wounds haven't healed, allow yourself to be selfish and don't promise to stay with your ex or former friends. At least until the moment when passions subside and spiritual wounds heal. nine0005

Unfriend in social networks

The problem of modernity is that every step of a person is captured on the Internet. If you're heartbroken, turn the page and don't be friends with your ex on social media. You don’t need to know where the ex-lover spent his vacation, with whom he went to the movies, or what gifts her new boyfriend fills up yesterday’s passion. If the hand does not rise to press the treasured button, at least exclude the news of the former from the feed. And there - time will tell.

Delete saved messages and conversations

New life - clean archives in the phone and instant messengers. No matter how sorry the past is, delete all chat messages to avoid the temptation to re-read them in a dreary mood. Otherwise, drunken tantrums, as well as calls, for which you will be ashamed later, are provided to you. Both of you are already different people, and there is no return to the past. It's time to clear the memory.

Delete the number of the former

Annoying calls with attempts to explain yourself will not bring any benefit to anyone. You will be hurt, the ex will be embarrassed. Delete the numbers of ex-lovers immediately after a breakup. After a couple of months of silence on the air, you may well not want to communicate with someone you once passionately loved. nine0005

Rearrange your apartment

After a breakup, girls often want to do something with their appearance: to spite their ex, cut their hair or dye their hair bold pink. Not worth it. Instead, rearrange your apartment, or at least your bedroom, so nothing reminds you of lazy Sunday mornings in bed. There is no way to rearrange the furniture? Buy a couple of new sets of underwear. A new chapter in life - new bedding. Guys, it won't hurt you either.

Go in for sports

Sport will not only help you tone up your body, but also improve your mood by releasing endorphins. If the pain of breaking up is too strong, sign up for boxing and beat the bag from the heart. Naturally, under the supervision of a coach.

Do not rush to meet others

Spontaneous sex with strangers has not yet cured anyone of heart pain. It will only get worse. Take your time, take care of yourself, the desire to enter into a relationship will come later. Watch all the films and programs that the former half did not want to watch, go to those places where there was no time to go in the relationship. Consider yourself on a 30-day love detox. nine0005

Don't whine on social media

Don't rush to let the world know how hurt you are. The pain will pass, but the sediment and the glory of the whiner will remain. Leave vague statuses, tearful poems and other vanilla things for teenagers. You are higher and stronger than this. So be it, one photo can be posted. But only the one where you are happy and satisfied with life.

Don't analyze the past

"If I hadn't started a fight", "if I had become a blonde", "if I had come home from work earlier" - you can continue indefinitely.

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