Boyfriend not emotionally expressive
Dear Therapist: My Boyfriend Is Emotionally Unavailable
Family
I’m tired of feeling like I’m putting more effort into our relationship than he is.
By Lori GottliebBianca BagnarelliEditor’s Note: On the last Monday of each month, Lori Gottlieb answers a reader's question about a problem, big or small. Have a question? Email her at [email protected].
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Dear Therapist,
I'm in a loving, long-distance relationship with my boyfriend. We’ve been together for three years, and long-distance for one. We’re both graduate students, and, for the most part, I think we have a healthy, caring, and respectful relationship. But over the three years we’ve been together, the same issue has come up consistently: I am an expressive and emotional person who loves affection and attention, and while he will tell me he loves me freely, he is a reserved person who is just not wired to be very demonstrative.
I do my best to be understanding of this and I pay attention to the little things—he’s the most reliable person I know, and takes care of me in many quiet ways. But sometimes that doesn’t feel like enough, and I become resentful because it feels like I am putting more effort into our relationship than he is, even though I appreciate that he is trying.
We’ve moved past this issue a number of times, and each time we make some progress, but the fight continues to recur. I want to be a good partner to him, and set reasonable expectations given the human being he is, but I also don’t want to live my life always wishing my partner was just a little more romantic.
Recently, I’ve also been dealing with feelings of anxiety, loneliness, and depression and have been reaching out to him for support. He’s worried, and tells me he wants to help but doesn’t know how. It does mean a lot to know he wants to help, but I want him to figure out how best to support me—both because I would love if he were more solicitous and because it would reduce his stress as a partner to someone in need.
How do we address this issue in a positive, active way? Do you have specific advice you could give him on being a supportive partner to somebody in an emotional crisis?
Anonymous
Madison, Wis.
Dear Anonymous,
I’m sorry that you’re struggling with this aspect of your relationship and feeling like you don’t have enough support as you go through a difficult time. Yes, there’s a positive and active way to address this issue, but it starts not with advice I can give your boyfriend, but with advice to you, helping you develop a clearer understanding of why you’re feeling so dissatisfied.
One thing I tell many couples when they first come in for therapy is that the more one person believes that his or her partner should be different, the less initiative he or she will take to change things. Most people come in making a case for why the other person needs to improve. Spoiler: That never helps.
So let’s look at the problem you are facing and your response to it.
The problem is that you don’t think that your boyfriend demonstrates his love for you in a way that you imagine would feel more satisfying. Your response is to try to get him to perform certain behaviors that conform to your ideas about romance; in doing so, you set up him up for failure and yourself up for disappointment. Even though you’ve been through several rounds of this, you continue to focus on changing him, and that leaves you feeling more lonely, depressed, and anxious.
Of course you want your boyfriend’s love and support, but what I think you can’t see right now is that he’s giving you both: He’s checking in on you, sharing his concern, and asking you what he can do to help. Beyond that, there’s not much he can do, no matter how strong his love for you, because we can’t create inner peace for the people we love the most (something that’s true not just for our partners, but also largely for our children). Your boyfriend doesn’t have the answers to your emotional struggles—nor is he the answer to them.
He can be there for you, but he can’t fix your insides for you.
It will be hard for you to know how much of your dissatisfaction is about this relationship, specifically, until you understand more about your loneliness, depression, and anxiety. It might be helpful for you to sort through some of these feelings with a therapist, so that you shift the dynamic in the relationship from one in which you often find your boyfriend wanting (a futile cycle) to one in which you start to get curious about what love, and by extension romance, means to you. Does it mean that your partner intuits what your needs are even though you yourself aren’t clear on that? Does it mean that his way of giving and receiving love looks exactly like yours, and that if you love someone, you can control the way that person loves you back? Does it mean that your desires take precedence over his? And what does love look like from the perspective of the person you’re dating?
I see why you feel like you’re putting more effort into the relationship than he is, but I’m not sure that your boyfriend would agree.
It takes a tremendous amount of effort to try to become a person you’re not, which is essentially what you’re asking of him. If I asked him what it was like to be your boyfriend, I’ll bet he’d reply with some version of, “I love her deeply, but I can’t seem to please her. Even when I do, a day or week later, she’ll be disappointed with me again.” From his perspective (and yours as well), he’s putting a lot into your relationship—his free expressions of love, his commitment and reliability, his quiet ways of taking care of you, his attempts to offer support for your struggles—but instead of letting any of that fill you up, it drains right out, as if his love were going into a colander rather than a bowl.
You might also consider: It’s hard to be romantic on command. It’s hard to be demonstrative when you’re walking on eggshells, wondering every time if your efforts will be met with approval or criticism. It’s hard to love someone who can’t always take it in. In these ways, he’s expending a tremendous amount of energy.
And despite how hard that is, he’s still choosing to be with you because he sees something wonderful in you. Some might call that romantic.
Just as therapists will suggest to couples, “Before you say that you don’t feel heard, it will help to consider how well you listen,” I would suggest that before you say that you don’t feel loved in the way you want, it will help you to consider how well you’re loving your boyfriend in the way he wants. Are you showing appreciation not just for what he does for you, but for who he is? Do you communicate your delight in him in ways that matter to him and not in ways that you prefer affection to be shown? Nobody enjoys being with a partner who’s thinking, You’d be perfect for me, if only you …
You might also think back to earlier relationships and whether you’ve felt a similar sense of dissatisfaction with your previous partners. Maybe these boyfriends, too, couldn’t seem to satisfy your ideas of romance. Or maybe they were sufficiently demonstrative and romantic, but left you feeling disappointed in other key ways.
If there’s a pattern, it’s worth paying attention to. Or perhaps this is your first serious relationship, and you have certain ideas about love and romance—partly from the culture, partly from whatever you experienced or witnessed in your family growing up—that have left you with a void you aren’t aware of but that you expect a partner to fill.
At this point, you have a wonderful opportunity—to learn more about this void. You may find that by exploring this, you’ll see your boyfriend through a different lens, or you may ultimately decide that you two aren’t indeed compatible. But whatever you learn about yourself in this process will help you to feel less depressed, anxious, and lonely—both independently and with any partner you choose.
Dear Therapist is for informational purposes only, does not constitute medical advice, and is not a substitute for professional medical advice, diagnosis, or treatment. Always seek the advice of your physician, mental-health professional, or other qualified health provider with any questions you may have regarding a medical condition.
By submitting a letter, you are agreeing to let The Atlantic use it—in part or in full—and we may edit it for length and/or clarity.
How To Deal With A Less Expressive Partner
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Relationships & Love
Relationships
Updated: Oct 26, 2022, 15:29 IST
Anannya Chatterjee
If you are an outgoing woman and dating a less expressive partner, or married to one, chances are you are living your life with a barrage of complaints and reservations. Well, while we don’t deny it does get a little difficult to deal with a partner who seldom expresses themselves, the best way is to never judge them for being the kind of person they are. To make your life a little easier, it’s important for you to realise the perks it offers, and balance your life accordingly because, at the end of the day, you love him. So stop complaining and read on...
1.
Accept the way they areIf you are sure about your partner and know that’s just a part of his nature and how he is as a person, you should probably learn to live with the fact that your partner might be less expressive or communicative but that doesn’t equate to them loving you any less. They aren’t doing it intentionally to hurt you. Believe in the fact that they love you in their own silent ways. Isn’t that beautiful?
2. Don’t keep nagging them about itDon’t keep pushing them and complaining to them all the time about how they don’t express themselves often. At times, you need to understand that silent love is a lot better than expressing it a thousand times a day. Love is all about sweet little gestures when needed. By nagging them about it, you may push them away further. Do you want that?
3. Their silence keeps the mystery aliveYour man being less expressive in nature works in your favour by keeping the mystery and suspense alive.
Well, you can’t deny the fact that women love to unravel mysteries, don’t they? Their silence attracts women more than anything else. There is so much to explore about them, that the right woman will stick around and never feel agitated.
Isn’t that great? That cuts down on a lot of fights and uninvited arguments. Them being less expressive is a perk and you need to understand that, lady! They don’t believe in yapping all day long about petty and unimportant things in life. They have bigger goals in life to fulfill and prefer to invest their energy and time there.
With time, you will understand how mature they are. You may be the crazy mad self you are, and all they do is look at you and smile. That says it all. They love you and enjoy being around you. They let you take the lead and let you be. Not all men do that! Treasure him! His power lies in doing things in real when needed, and not just pretend to do things to make you feel good.
Now it’s for you to decide whether you want a man who will keep saying ‘I Love You’, to you a thousand times a day, or you would want to be with a mature man who would love you in his own silent ways without having to let the world know about it.
Read iDiva for the latest in Bollywood, fashion looks, beauty and lifestyle news.
Anannya Chatterjee
Relationships & Love
RelationshipsRelationshipsRelationshipsPartnerOrange Bikini Looks Helicopter Tours In India Vicky Kaushal MoviesReg Flags Mistaken For Romance Tara Rum Pum Movie Quiz Nora Fatehi’s Winter OutfitsDIY Hair Oil MixturesGovinda Naam Mera Review Bollywood At 28th KIFFSee MoreEvgenia Feofilaktova's boyfriend: “We will have the wedding of the century”
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Interview
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News
Just the other day, Evgenia Feofilaktova confirmed that she is not free.
The businessman Majid Giagia, who owns restaurants and hotels in several countries of the East, became the chosen one of the star of "DOMA-2". He is crazy about Evgenia and is ready for anything to make her his wife.
October 27, 2019 21:30150 686
Majid Giagia and Evgenia Feofilaktova
Until recently, Evgenia preferred not to advertise what was happening in her personal life, but now she is ready to share her happiness with her fans. She met a reliable caring man. “Now I really like this oriental tale, and come what may! It doesn't matter to me how our relationship ends - a wedding or not. But I am very happy. Finally, I can feel like a weak woman. For me, of course, it’s a little unusual that you don’t need to motivate a man, guide him, because Majid does everything himself. He blows dust off me, does not limit my freedom, does not force me to stay at home. And it doesn’t matter to him what country to live in, the main thing is next to me. He even agrees to move to Moscow, ”the businesswoman shared recently.
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Majid also broke the silence and, together with his beloved, gave an interview to StarHit, in which he talked about meeting her and shared his plans for the future.
Do you remember the first time you met each other? What was your impression then?
When I first saw Majid, I thought how serious and reserved he was. And the most important moment: in the first minutes of our acquaintance, when we walked to the car, he gently held my shoulder, as if taking care of me and protecting me. I immediately felt his concern. I don’t even know what to compare it with ... It’s like a lion protecting his cubs. nine0005
Our first meeting was two years ago. Then I literally drowned in her eyes, I was fascinated by her kindness. And she's not like everyone else. I have no words to describe our meeting. It was a business project that later turned into a serious love story.
Majid, can you say it was love at first sight?
Yes, definitely.
That is exactly what happened.
Majid was fascinated by Zhenya from the first meeting
When did you realize that you can't live without each other? nine0024
We have a very expressive and emotional relationship. He and I are choleric. When we abruptly stop communicating: he is busy with work, I do my own business, then I begin to understand that I lack expression, his powerful energy for a fulfilling life.
In the first seconds of our communication, I realized that I could not live without Zhenya and wanted her to become my wife. I was fascinated by her.
Do you think about children?
Yes, there are such plans. But first you have to get married. Then a year and a half later - a child. Such is my plan. I really want a second child, and then a third. I think you can give birth to a good man. Majid told me he wanted a princess from me. nine0005
Do you have quarrels, omissions. If yes, why?
We have no quarrels.
Rather, we have such emotional conversations on the verge ... I would not say that this is grinding, but we can discuss this or that issue for a long time. It happens emotionally, everyone gives their arguments. In the end, he says to me: "Baby I love you." This is where our conversation ends.
No quarrels. I do everything to make her happy next to me.
Majid doesn't speak Russian. Does the language barrier interfere?
I learned German from school. She knew him very well. I've been learning Italian for many years, but didn't think about learning English until last year. Then I began to teach him, as I felt, because with Majid we communicate exclusively in English. By the way, our communication helped me to improve my language very well. I confess that at the beginning it was hard for me to express myself, because I am a very emotional person and I want to colorfully describe the situation. In my opinion, English is a "stingy" language, so many things have to be told very dryly.
If there are any difficulties, then gadgets come to the rescue. But if I get confused, then I will surely master it perfectly. Now I know for sure that Daniel also needs to learn English. nine0005
The businessman gets on well with Evgenia's son
Speaking of marriage. What should be the celebration of your dreams?
If it comes to this, I would like to sign first, because the preparations for the wedding are a long and dreary process. If we have a wedding, it will be luxurious, such a person I am - if done, then at the highest level. But so far I don't have an obsession with having a wedding celebration.
I agree with Zhenya. We will have the wedding of the century! nine0005
Which of you will be the head of the family?
About two months ago I was sure that in all respects I would always be the main one. Because it has always been like that, no matter what anyone says. I was the pivot. In this relationship, I honestly have no control over the situation.
Majid dominates and I feel his powerful energy and I can't handle it. No matter how much I want to be the main one, I’m unlikely to succeed. The main one is him.
I think both of us will be the main ones in the family.
What will you never forgive each other for?
I won't forgive my man for betrayal. Betrayal doesn't matter. No, I'm not the owner, but the person who betrayed the family is no longer worthy of trust. Life is fast paced, so you need to surround yourself with only good worthy people. And if you don’t trust a man, then why live with such a person?!
I won't forgive Zhenya for not having appeared in my life earlier.
For Evgenia, family has always been in the first place
Evgenia, some netizens do not believe in your relationship, believing that this is PR. What will you answer them? nine0024
Yes, I heard that. No, PR is not about me, I don't need it. If I wanted dubious fame, I would go to all these shows, shed tears, talk about divorce, about the betrayal of my ex-husband.
Yes, I am invited to programs on federal channels, but they are not at all interesting to me. I like a quiet harmonious life. I will say more: I would never publish our joint pictures with Majid, but he wanted to tell the world that we are together. Since he considered it necessary, I will not argue, I will also share my happiness. Even at DOM-2, when the choice arose between family and scandalous fame, I, without hesitation, chose the first. For me, family will always come first. nine0005
Majid, what are you ready for for Eugenia?
Ready to fulfill all her dreams!
Photo: personal archive
Text author: Marina Sattarova
Youth slang in English, words and phrases with translation
Proficiency in a foreign language as a native language is, first of all, the ability to easily and naturally communicate on any topic with native speakers, regardless of their gender, age, cultural and other individual characteristics.
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This is the same lively colloquial speech that you hear in shops, cafes, clubs, public transport and on the street while traveling abroad. A significant part of it falls on the so-called non-literary vocabulary - jargon and slang, which we will talk about in this article.
To clearly understand English youth slang, use it confidently and with taste in appropriate situations, check out the concise dictionary of colloquial words and phrases that we present to your attention below. nine0005
The material includes the most commonly used colloquial constructions and is collected on the basis of dialogues from popular western TV series, entertainment TV shows, modern musical compositions and popular posts in international social networks.
Instead of a preface: the concept and features of slang in the English language
Recall that this term is used to denote a special category of colloquial speech that is not included in the concept of a literary norm.
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Slang is words and phrases that are used by certain age and social groups of the population in certain situations, most often by young people.
This lexical layer is very dynamic: new expressions are constantly appearing in it, and old ones - losing popularity and predictably going out of use - are gradually forgotten and disappear.
Slang is closely related to culture, history and other social aspects of the life of the country. That is why, when mastering spoken English, experts recommend not to dwell solely on the development of common and literary vocabulary, but to pay special attention to the study of slang, in particular, as a linguistic reflection of the life of young people and adolescents. nine0005
The main features of the units included in this lexical layer include the following:
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brevity. Often new colloquial phrases and words replace longer and more difficult to pronounce constructions. Young people like to speak briefly and succinctly.
For example, the popular slang word "Watcha", which translates as "How are you?" or "How are you?" was compiled from the phrase "What cheer". - nine0004 Emotionality. Youth speech is expressive and expressive; there is practically no emotionally neutral vocabulary in it. Therefore, when studying modern slang in English, clearly remember what shade each individual phrase carries. So, the word “Noob” means not just a beginner, but a person who does not know how to do something, pestering with questions and constantly complaining about his failures, without making any attempts to learn a particular business. This designation is clearly negative, dismissive. nine0005
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Popularity. Thanks to the Internet, English colloquial vocabulary is spreading around the world at an incredible rate. As soon as a new phrase is heard in a popular series, the very next day it is used with pleasure on all continents.
Interestingly, the meanings of slang expressions are not always interpreted correctly: there are cases when a replica of the protagonist from a movie or a line from a song acquired a fundamentally different meaning simply because the audience or listeners perceived it in their own way, not in the way that the authors of the original text assumed.
That is why it is better to start studying English slang with dictionaries, which provide not only the correct translation of each individual phrase, but also a detailed description of the features of the context in which it is appropriate to use this construction. nine0005
Immersion in the atmosphere of colloquial speech is better to start with individual words, after which you can proceed to the study of whole phrases and sentences. It is in this sequence that we have prepared our today's material.
English slang: examples of words
In the table below, we have collected the most popular expressions among young people with a translation and a detailed explanation of the circumstances in which it is appropriate to use each of the proposed constructions. So you can not only remember new words, but also understand the principle of their use in everyday speech.
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| Word/phrase | Translation | Explanation, shade of meaning |
|---|---|---|
| awesome | Awesome, classy, awesome | Positive meaning, emotion of admiration and delight |
| Swag | Stylish, trendy, cool | nine0167|
| props | Respect | |
| Dig | Get high, trudge | |
| fam | Family | |
| Unreal | Unreal, cool, fantastic | |
| Kudos | Bravo, respect nine0170 | |
| piece of cake | Something incredibly simple, affordable, that you can do in a jiffy | |
| Bee's knees | Something amazing, out of the ordinary | |
| Blinding | Gorgeous, amazing | |
| Savage | nine0169 Brutal, cool||
| Sauce | Self-confident, successful person | |
| Slay | Pleasantly surprise, impress | |
| Zonked! | Otpad! | |
| Crap | Nonsense, nonsense | nine0259 Negative connotation, neglect, contempt|
| Trash | Something unpleasant, bad, sucks | |
| Dodgy | Unreliable, not trustworthy | |
| Petty | A man who tends to make a molehill out of a fly, inflate the problem | |
| Stan nine0170 | A fan who is literally obsessed with his idol | |
| epic fail | Failure, big failure | |
| Photobomb | A photograph ruined by a person who accidentally entered the frame | |
| Diss | To humiliate, insult, speak badly against someone nine0170 | |
| Shattered/Knackered | Incredibly tired, exhausted, exhausted | |
| Meh | Uninteresting, nothing of himself, no | |
| Peanuts | Very low price or salary | |
| Porkies | Lie, not true nine0170 | |
| Cheesy | Tasteless, vulgar | |
| hard cheese | Difficult situation | |
| Pearl shaped | Wrong, awry, not according to plan | |
| Botch | Work haphazardly, slipshod | nine0167|
| faff | Pull rubber, postpone things for later | |
| splash out | spend a lot of money | |
| gutted | Frustrated, devastated | |
| Haggle | Bargain, bring down the price | |
| Stroppy | Buka, slut | |
| wangle | Cunning, circle around the finger | |
| no worries | No problem, easy | Shows self-confidence |
| Cram | cramming, learning by heart nine0170 | It is used both in speech about oneself and about other people; does not carry a negative connotation |
| Fortnight | Two weeks | Literally - "14 nights" |
| Stuffed | Fed up to the brim | The phrase “Fit to burst” has a similar meaning - “I ate so much that I was ready to explode” nine0170 |
| goat | Greatest of all time | It's not "goat", it's an abbreviation for "Greatest of all times" |
| DIY | Do it yourself | Abbreviation for the popular phrase "Do It Yourself" |
| Bae | Favorite (darling), baby nine0170 | This is a mixture of two expressions - "Baby" ("Baby") and "Before anyone else" ("Ahead of everyone else") |
| Earworm | Song stuck in my head | Literally - "worm in the ear" |
| Lookalike | doppelgänger, a person who is very similar to another | "Look" + "Alike" nine0170 |
| binge-watch | Watching a large number of episodes of the series without interruption | Binge + Watch |
| staycation | Vacation in hometown | "Stay" + "Vacation" |
| Budge up | move over nine0170 | Used as a request to a person who has taken up too much space |
| Blimey! | Fathers! Well, you must! Wow! | That is a distorted variation of the phrase "Blind me!" - "May I go blind!" |
| Chin wag | Long, pleasant conversation | "Chin" - "chin", "Wag" - "nod"; that is, a conversation in which the interlocutors nod to each other as a sign of understanding nine0170 |
| Do | A party | A lot needs to be done for a party, so the analogy is drawn with the verb “do” - “to do” |
| Gobsmacked | Extremely surprised, dumbfounded | "Gob" - "mouth", "smack" - "hit"; that is, a person slaps his hand on his mouth from the strongest surprise | nine0167
| Jolly | Highly | Analogue of the literary "Very" |
| Sorted | Decided | About a problem, a difficult task |
| All right? | How are you? How is it? What's up? | Used as a greeting nine0170 |
| ship | Relationships between fictional characters (TV series, books, etc. ) | The word is used in those situations when you are extremely worried about these fictional relationships and do not want them to stop according to the plot of the work. |
| OTP (One True Pairing) | A couple of characters in a book, movie, or TV series that you follow closely nine0170 | At the same time, the phrase emphasizes that you do not want the characters to part, regardless of what kind of relationship they have (friendship, work or love) |
| salty | Injurious, painful, unpleasant | By analogy with the Russian "salt in the wound" |
| Wonky | Unsteady, tottering, changeable nine0170 | |
| Blatant | clear, obvious | |
| Sod's law | Villainy rule | |
| Flog | sell, sell | |
| Grub / Nosh | nine0169 Quick snack||
| Kip | short sleep | |
| wind up | joke, joke | |
| row | Argument | |
| easy peasy nine0170 | As easy as pie | |
| Cheerio! | Bye! Goodbye! | |
| Suh! /Hey! / Yo! | Hello! | |
| Zam | Exam | |
| pre sci | Preliminary Exam | |
| soph | Sophomore | |
| Ret | Cigarette | |
| Baltic | Very windy weather | nine0169
Many of these words can also be found in Russian slang, which develops, for the most part, due to borrowings from the English language.
Take, for example, the word "thrash": it has confidently taken root in the colloquial vocabulary of our compatriots, retaining its original meaning and method of use.
Sample phrases and sentences
If slang words are recommended to be used in a conversation - even informal - as carefully and dosed as possible, then with whole sentences you need to be even more careful. A couple of colloquial phrases inserted into ordinary speech may go unnoticed. A lexical construction with a pronounced negative connotation, such as, for example, “He is all mouth and no trousers”, can confuse the participants in the conversation. nine0005
Therefore, before demonstrating your deep linguistic knowledge, make sure that your interlocutors are ready for such expressions.
The meaning of this and other jargon in English will be discussed later.
| Phrase | Translation | Explanation, shade of meaning, example |
|---|---|---|
| Bent as a nine-bob note nine0170 | dishonest, corrupt | This businessman is bent as a nine-bob note, don't deal with him |
| All mouth and no trousers | Promises a lot but delivers nothing | This phrase is used as a warning: do not do business with this person, he will not fulfill the promise |
| Not my cup of tea nine0170 | Don't like it, don't like it | Knitting is not my cup of tea. Knitting is not mine |
| go bananas | go crazy, worry a lot, worry | I simply went bananas when my husband left me. I couldn't find my place when my husband left |
| Know one's onions about | nine0169 Good at somethingTrust him: he knows his onions in trading. Trust him: he understands trading | |
| Do one's nut | Get into a frenzy | Your mother will do her nut when you tell her the truth. Your mom will be furious when you tell her the truth. |
| Full of beans nine0170 | Full of strength, energy, enthusiasm | Linguists note that we are talking about coffee beans, which energize a person. |
| Bits and bobs | A set or collection of things | He brought me some bits and bobs, such as books and games. Now I didn't feel so bored at the hospital |
| Old Bill nine0170 | Policeman | "Old Bob" is sometimes referred to as the entire police service as a whole. |
| Bob's your uncle! | Voila! | This phrase is put at the end of the sentence to emotionally complete the thought. |
| Take the Mickey out of someone | Laugh, make fun of, make fun of someone nine0170 | This phrase has a clearly negative connotation. |
| Use your loaf | Think for yourself, use your own head | Here the word "loaf" ("loaf") is used instead of the word "head" by analogy with the phrase "loaf of bread" |
| Give someone / Have a butcher's | Let someone look at something / Look at something nine0170 | I wanted to have a butcher's at his new photos, but he didn't let me do it |
| rabbit on about something | chat about something | From the phrase "rabbit and pork" - "talk", "gossip" |
| I haven't seen you in donkey's years! | Haven't seen you in years! | Can be used in relation to third parties: "I haven't seen him / her / them in donkey's years!" nine0170 |
| Throw a spanner in the works | hinder, hinder, destroy | In Russian there is an analogue - "put sticks in the wheels" |
| Visit lady Perriam | Go to the toilet | Lady Perriam, after whom this expression appeared, gave one of the British colleges a building with toilets nine0170 |
| Live in a birdcage | Live in a student residence | The hostel is quite logically compared to a birdcage |
| TBT (Throwback Thursday) | Thursday memories on social media | Users of Facebook, Twitter, Instagram and other social networks use this hashtag for old photos associated with certain events in the past. nine0170 |
| WCW (Woman Crush Wednesday) | The environment in which photos with a lover appear on social networks | By analogy with the previous phrase |
| MCM (Man Crush Monday) | Monday, on which they post a photo with a lover | By analogy with the previous phrase. |
| Sis is the new Bro | Sisters in spirit | It is used in those situations when it is necessary to emphasize the closeness of people, by analogy with "brothers in spirit." |
| Give somebody a shout-out | publicly thank someone | I'd like to give a shout-out to my English teacher. |
| out of the blue | Without any reasons | Used to describe a situation that happened suddenly. It looks like the Russian "fell from the sky" |
| Buzz me in | open the door for me | The word "buzz" sounds like the sound of a bell on the front door. |
| Crack someone up | nine0169 Make you laugh a lotHe's constantly cracking me up. He constantly makes me laugh | |
| You are on thin ice | You're about to cross the line | Similar to the Russian "to walk on the edge (point) of a knife" |
| Dig your own grave | Do something to hurt yourself | nine0169 Literally: "Dig your own grave"|
| Call it a day! | Forget it, end it, get it out of your head | Don't worry about the dress you've stained. Call it a day, we'll buy a new one! |
| Break a leg! | Wish you good luck, success in your business | Despite the translation (“Break a leg”), the phrase has a positive meaning by analogy with the Russian “No fluff, no feather” nine0170 |
Taking into account the current pace of development of social networks and various messengers, it is obvious that the dictionary of English slang, jargon and idioms will be replenished with new examples.
Live human speech, unlike Internet communication, changes less rapidly, although it also tends to simplify and emotionally saturate lexical units.
Slang in written communication
Correspondence and active commenting on posts on social networks, SMS and messaging in instant messengers is hard to imagine without the use of colloquial vocabulary.
Interestingly, written slang differs from the literary norm not so much in expressiveness as, first of all, in brevity. There is little emotionality in it, since its main task is to save the time and effort of the writer. Here are some of the most popular expressions, many of which you have probably seen on Facebook or Twitter: nine0005
| b | to be |
| eight | ate |
| c | watch (see) |
| 4 | for |
| r | are, are (are) nine0170 |
| u | you (you) |
| ur | your (your) or you are (you are) |
| y | why |
| activ8 | activate |
| gr8 | nine0169 great|
| m8 | comrade (mate) |
| l8r | later (later) |
| b4 | forward, before (before) |
| there4 | therefore (therefore) |
| 2day nine0170 | today (today) |
| w8 | wait |
| 3SUM | threesome |
| H8 | to hate |
| NO1 | nobody (no one) |
| NE1 | somebody (anyone) |
| 4eva | forever (forever) |
| soz | upset (sorry) |
| 2moz / tomoz / 2moro | tomorrow |
| 2NITE | tonight (tonight) nine0170 |
| TX | thank you |
| 2dA | today (today) |
| addy | address (address) |
| sez | will say |
| cuz/bcuz/bcz/bcos/bc/coz/bcoz nine0170 | because (because) |
| plez | please |
| probz | probably (probably) |
| w/t | with |
| s/t | something (something) |
| b/f | friend, boyfriend |
| g/f | girl (girlfriend) |
| b/r | bedroom |
| h/w | homework |
| c/w | class work nine0170 |
| pce | peace |
| SPK | speak (speak) |
| PPL | people (people) |
| btw | by the way (by the way) |
In writing, as in colloquial speech, the use of jargon and slang in English is extremely situational: such phrases are typical for teenagers and young people who communicate with each other on abstract topics.
In business correspondence, such abbreviations are almost never found. nine0005
How to learn English slang?
First of all, let's decide whether it is necessary to specifically study this language layer at all. Some people are sure that for full-fledged communication in English it is enough to know book vocabulary, while jargon and slang will be remembered by themselves, in the course of direct language practice.
Linguists do not agree with this point of view and note that in certain circumstances the study of the spoken layer of a foreign language is no less important than familiarization with the literary form. Let's look at some of these situations: nine0005
- You are planning to move to another country for long-term study, work or permanent residence.
- You like to communicate with foreigners - verbally or via the Internet - in an informal setting.
- You set a goal to master English at the level of a native speaker.
Thus, youth slang, jargon and idioms in English should, at a minimum, be known and be able to use in appropriate situations.
To learn foreign slang, experts recommend doing the following:
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Use modern dictionaries. It is important to understand that colloquial vocabulary is extremely changeable and dynamic. Constructions that were relevant 5 years ago are not used at all today or have a completely new meaning.
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Practice live communication. Find a foreign friend to chat or Skype. Communicate with him on a variety of topics, using not only bookish, but also informal vocabulary. nine0005
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Watch movies in the original. Start with popular films that you have already watched with translation, and then move on to new series and movies. If you find it difficult to perceive what is happening on the screen by ear, choose a video with English subtitles.
In order to successfully master all types of English youth slang, it is important to understand that no dictionaries and textbooks can replace live human communication and work with a qualified linguist teacher.
