Infatuation vs crush
HERE IS THE DIFFERENCE BETWEEN LOVE, CRUSH AND INFATUATION | by Sahil Verma
I think many people often mistake crushes and infatuations with love. It’s easy to see how the two are mistaken for love because the feelings are so intense, but there is a difference. A big difference in fact. In the movies, adorable couples infatuated with each other fall in love and live happily ever after, right?
In real life, things tend to be a little different.
Crushes and infatuation go hand in hand and are very similar. Crush is defined as a brief but intense infatuation for someone, especially someone inappropriate or unattainable. Infatuation is defined as an intense but short-lived passion or admiration for someone or something.
Unlike crushes and states of infatuation, love truly sees and accepts their object of affection. Love is an intense feeling of deep affection. Love is patient, love is understanding, and love is forgiving. Love desires a deep connection, while infatuation craves physical interactions.
1. Feelings Come on Fast
Infatuation hits with an out of this world intensity. You saw them and you knew you had to have them. Love at first sight, so to speak. The feelings didn’t grow and develop over time, which is what happens with love, they were almost instantaneous.
Crushes come and go pretty quickly, usually in a matter of months. Love stays, whether the relationship works or not, the feelings are always there to some degree.
3. Sees Perfection
With crushes and infatuation, it is more about the idea of the person, than the person themselves. Maybe you think you would look great together as a couple, or one or both of you have a certain status in the community or a high income. The mind creates and envisions the perfect life together, and the happily ever after with Prince Charming.
4. Crazy or Irrational Behaviour
Crushes can lead to stalking, intense jealously, and obsessive behaviour. Sometimes the intense feelings of crushes can also cause risky behaviour and irrational thinking.
5. Based on Attraction
Crushes are often based strictly on physical attributes since you really don’t know the “real” person, and there is nothing else to go on except what you created in your head. The infatuation begins because you find them beautiful or hot, and strongly desire the person. Usually, the crush is someone who is out of reach for you.
1. Feelings Last
With love, feelings may not last forever, but they do last a while, whether you stay in a relationship or not. Love does not go away after a couple of months, or because you realize they are flawed or look a hot mess in the morning.
2. Accepts Them, Flaws and All
When we truly love someone, we see their flaws, and we accept them. Maybe he’s a little short, or she’s a little chubby, but if you are in love you don’t care.
3. Open and Honest
Love is willing to go deep. Love is open and honest. Love wants to share their hope, dreams, and fears, and hear about yours.
4. Only Eyes for Them
Love only has eyes for you. If the eyes wander, then you are not in love. Love isn’t blind to other’s beauty, but love’s eyes follow their heart.
5. Their Happiness Is Important
We are willing to sacrifice for those we love and put their wants and needs before our own. Love is willing to be inconvenienced, bored, and patient for the one who means the most.
6. Their Presence/Or Voice Brings You Comfort
Seeing their face, or hearing their voice can turn your whole day around, and instantly improve your mood. That’s a true tell-tale of being in love.
The initial feelings of crush and falling in love are very similar. The rush of euphoria happens in both cases. The butterflies and the feelings of pure joy at the sight of them happen in both cases. But with love, there are thoughts of a future together, and realistic expectations of each other.
What are your thoughts on crushes and infatuation? Do you believe that infatuation can turn to love? Have you ever thought it was love only to realize it was just a crush?
15 Infatuation And Crush Facts You Should Know By Now
Scientific Differences Between Infatuation, Crush And Love
At some point in your life, you have had a crush, right? That cute guy in high school who you swear you will "love" forever. Or that other guy in college who consumed most of your thoughts so you had to see him and be near him as much as possible. Or that guy at the office, who you believe to be "the one". All those times, we bet you thought you were in love. But, was it really love?
Many people mistake a crush or infatuation with love, the first two are so intense that it's easy to mistake them for love, but believe it or not, there's a difference, a big one. We tend to see our love lives as portrayed in movies where the infatuated couples fall in love and then live happily ever after... is that how it worked for you? We bet it isn't, in real life things are a little bit different.
Let's clear things up a little by talking facts about what is a crush, what is an infatuation and what is love.
1. Crush and infatuation are very similar
Crush and infatuation go hand in hand. A crush is a brief but intense infatuation about someone that's unattainable or inappropriate. An infatuation is a short-lived and intense passion or admiration or attraction you feel for someone. With infatuation, comes an intense physical craving.
2. Love is a strong feeling of intense affection
Love, not like a crush or infatuation, sees and accepts someone (the object of the affection) just as it is. Love is an intense feeling of deep affection. Love is so many things: patience, understanding, forgiveness. Love demands deep connections. Love seeks happiness too.
3. With a crush or infatuation the feelings come fast and are short lived
The intensity with which infatuation hits is... out of this world. You saw him and you just knew that you had to have him. Some called that "love at first sight". Infatuation doesn't let the feelings grow and develop over time, which is what happens with love. The feelings are instantaneous, they hit you like a ton of rocks.
Also, crushes come and go so fast, you may have a crush on him now but if nothing happens, that crush can go away in a couple of months. Love is for the long run, whether things work out or not, some form or it stays.
4. With a crush or an infatuation all you see is Prince Charming
When you have a crush or are infatuated with someone you see an idea of that person, not the real person. You form all these scenarios in your head like, you two would look so great together and at the same time, you create a great life for the two of you where everything is perfect, like in a fairytale.
5. Crushes and infatuation are based basically on physical attraction
With a crush, you don't actually know the real person so it's more base on the physical attributes of said person and, of course, on the "facts" you have created in your head. The infatuation begins because you find him extremely handsome or "so hot" and you strongly desire him.
6. Love is a dynamic process
Love's dynamic process means that while the relationship grows, matures and goes through all kinds of experiences that put it under a lot of pressure, love brings out the best of each of you. Because of love, you are able to work as a team, to understand and to be flexible. This dynamic process of love means you share emotions, trust and the growth of the relationship.
7. Much of what make up the difference between love and infatuation is chemical
Infatuation is often only lust. We lust after someone because our bodies have decided that he would make a good mate procreator, not for any other conscious reason. You are attracted to him, you think he's good looking and has a pleasing personality.
This chemical lust you experience during infatuation is fueled by estrogen and testosterone (sex hormones). Each of us has both hormones present in our bodies and both are required during the lust process. As the level of both hormones goes up, you become antsy, a little bit aggressive and you lose focus on anything that's not sexual gratification. Fueled also by Norepinephrine and noradrenaline your body reverts to the most animal state, that's instinct needed for species survival.
When things start to change from lust to attraction, the brain starts pumping a mixture of dopamine and oxytocin. The hormone responsible for creating feelings of happiness and reward is dopamine. That's the reason why when you're around him you feel good, your brain feels rewarded and when he's not around you feel like a junkie needing her "fix", you need another "dose" so you can feel happy and good again.
When love's involved, oxytocin is also released. Oxytocin also called the bonding chemical, is released to create a bond between two people. For example, oxytocin is released into the brain during breastfeeding, during pregnancy and even during sex so that you are urged, chemically, to feel emotionally closer to your baby, or to your lover. The bonding doesn't happen in a snap of a finger, it takes time, that's why love takes longer to develop.
Infatuation is the chemical need created by dopamine and oxytocin. It is not a conscious choice, you are just about appeasing that chemical need, not about the actual person. Love compels you to be selfless, infatuation is just a chemical need to stop that feeling of pain when you don't have him near.
8. Love occurs without awareness or intention
With love, you don't expect anything in return. Love also contains intimacy and passion, it contains forgiveness and love's patient too. True love will grow through time and will continue throughout your life. It's unconditional and understanding.
9. With infatuation you have blinders on
When you're infatuated with someone your world revolves around him, your gaze is only for him as well as your thoughts. You wear blinders all the time, nothing can compare to him, to his looks, to his intelligence, to his creativity. What you don't see thanks to those blinders, is what everyone else sees. He's not perfect (far from it) and your relationship has so many flaws, some very destructive traits and behaviors that are making you take some very bad decisions.
10. Love makes you want to create a better life for you in all areas.
Love makes you want to be a better friend, a more loving person, makes you want to be the best at what you do, to make a success of your life. If you have feelings of love and if you're truly in love with him, you'll want to embrace your life, to make it better, to be a better person.
11. With infatuation you get really, really jealous
Infatuation goes hand in hand with jealousy. Since your relationship is not based on trust, whenever you see him talking or laughing or just hanging with another woman, you get really jealous. That's because you want to show her and everyone else that he's yours. If you're infatuated you're in a constant state of losing him to someone else. You haven't developed that confident feeling that only comes when you're really in love, you're not connected.
12. Love's grounded in reality and it takes times
Love's not instantaneous like infatuation, it takes time to grow in your heart. How much time? There's not a definitive answer to that, it'll depend on the person. Love is also grounded in reality, it happens when you get to know him really well. When you've seen his humanity, his positive and negative traits; when you've shared with him his good and bad days and when you know his weaknesses and strengths.
13. Infatuation needs perfection to survive
If you're infatuated with him, to your eyes, he must be perfect. You need to see him like he is larger than life. If there's any hint of reality, your illusion will be shattered and you don't want that. In your illusion, he must be courageous, he must be beautiful and without a blemish.
14. Love's a 360 degree view, not just some angles
Love makes make you and him... real, it makes both of you real. That's why it's scary too because it makes you reveal your real self, it makes you vulnerable to him. It shows all the good but also, all the bad and crappy stuff. You get to see the whole picture, not just the pretty angles you like best.
15. Infatuation wreaks havoc in your self-confidence
Since infatuation seeks perfection (needs it actually), you are going to want to be perfect for him too. So you let that illusion consumed you and you put up a very fake version of you, where you show only the good sides. The superficial version of you, all smoke and mirrors and that is exhausting.
What Are The Psychological Effects On Teenage Boys And Girls?
You've been a teenager right? So you know that during those years common sense and reason are in very low supply, actually, they fly off the window. Teenagers (boys and girls) are highly emotional and if you add to that all the hormones bouncing around inside their bodies, all their world could turn confusing, emotions included.
If adults find it difficult to make the distinction between crush, love, and infatuation, for teenagers those emotions could add to all the confusion they're facing. You should be able to help them sort out their emotions by explaining to them what is love and what is infatuation so they can navigate those waters with enough information so that they don't drown.
Teenage romantic relationships have positive and negative effects or aspects that you should consider too. Here is a couple of them.
Teenage crushes and infatuations can help them with psychosocial development
Teenage romantic relationships, whether a crush or an infatuation, helps them be more self-aware. It's a training ground for adult intimacy. These relationships can give them an opportunity so they can learn to manage all strong emotions, gives them grounds to negotiate conflicts. Also, they can learn to communicate their needs and be aware of their romantic partner's needs too and how they can respond to them.
If a teeanger can't discern between love and infatuation, it can lead to unhealthy outcomes
If a teenager is convinced that what he's feeling is "the real thing", he may cling to his girlfriend to the point where nothing and no one else exists. He can cut himself from friends and family.
Unrequited love can also lead to unhealthy outcomes. If a teenager becomes infatuated (with all the intense fantasies that are characteristic of infatuation) and his "love" is not reciprocated it may lead to acting-out behaviors like aggression and/or stalking. Also, it can lead to depression and low self-esteem.
It's not easy to make the distinction between love, infatuation, and crush, especially in the early years. But after so many ups and downs regarding relationships, you get the hang of it. Plus with all the facts provided above, we hope you'll be able to recognize things for what they are.
Is it possible to "cure" from falling in love?
- Elena Savinova
Photo by Alejandra Quiroz/Unsplash
The emotional algorithm here is similar to other addictions - to alcohol, drugs. Therefore, I consider the state of acute love as painful, and the predisposition to it as an addiction.
"Oh, mother, I'm very sick..."
At first, those struck by Cupid's arrow fly as if on wings, bloom before our eyes, dream of a long happy life with loved ones. But as soon as the chosen one does not coincide with exorbitant expectations with a look or a word, euphoria is replaced by despair.
And then - from only one cherished number on the screen of a mobile phone that finally rang, or from a completely discreet SMS message from Him or Her, like, "how are you?" - eyes burn again and I want to live. At least for the next couple of hours. Then, most likely, the pendulum will swing in the other direction. nine0011
Image copyright Everton Vila/Unsplash
Being in love, unlike love, is characterized by sheer denials. It is always anxiety, uncertainty about the future, a discrepancy between ideas about the object of adoration and reality.
Dissatisfaction with the fragility of one's feelings and, at the same time, unwillingness to "sober up". And to see that we ourselves came up with a magical prince or princess. And then they themselves were offended by them. For what, they say, did not live up to expectations.
But the expectations of a person who is prone to be quickly charmed cannot be satisfied by definition as unrealistic. Moreover, the chosen one often does not even realize that he had the mission to be a wonderful knight. Moreover, as a person, he often does not interest the other side at all.
A is needed only as an object, as a background for fantasy. Simply put, lovers do not love a person, but their love. The feeling often arises not because of a passion for the exceptional qualities of another, but from the need to somehow decorate one's life. Love is a common cause, falling in love is the desire to look spectacular. Love is good deeds, falling in love is beautiful gestures. nine0011
Photo, Luke Pamer/UNSPLash
Love, Love - gives
Pass the POSSIST
POCAST9001 9,0008 TIZHNIY ISTOMS, YAKOY ours
Falling in love never lasts long. This is not related to anyone's personal qualities, although the "abandoned" often perceive the dramatic ending at their own expense. They either complain that the beloved again turned out to be not the same as they imagined. Thinking like that is a sign of a mentally healthy person. And it's better for recovering from another euphoria. nine0011
Or - which is more typical for neurotic people - they look for (and find) the reasons for the breakdown of relationships in themselves. It seems that such "sufferers" need each new love to confirm their own complexes. And that means - and their usual picture of the world. Well, they say, they didn’t want me again, because I am an ordinary person, fat, stupid, uninteresting.
I'm asking, what about all married people - incredible, outstanding, well-written beauties, Nobel laureates? Look at least in the subway car - ordinary people, half of which are definitely married, and some of them, moreover, are happy. So - it's not about your qualities. Or maybe it's in them. nine0011
Because if suddenly those who are used to falling in love are reciprocated, and the couple begins to live together, the relationship is almost always doomed. Moreover, the initiator of the gap this time is almost always a romantic who promised to carry in his arms and get a star from the sky. The test of everyday life has become an impossible mission.
- Psychologist's blog: loves - does not love? Is it necessary to know?
- "Let's live separately": what to do when you hear that? nine0004
Firstly, when the veil of delight falls, a stranger, and sometimes even a stranger and uninteresting person, is often found nearby. But you yourself in your dreams endowed your partner with features unusual for him. Secondly, many are unprepared for the daily routine of family life. After all, falling in love is often the result of a lack of something important in oneself, and sometimes complete spiritual emptiness. This love overflows so much that I want to share it. Therefore, "eternal romantics" probably have nothing to give in the long run. nine0011
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I can't do anything else
So falling in love isn't all that romantic, it's like running in circles. If you are tired of being admired and disappointed, analyze why you need to fall in love. Perhaps you once experienced an unhappy love, and now subconsciously avoid pain by tying a romantic relationship. Which are doomed in advance, because they cannot always be romantic.
Or "suffer" from perfectionism, the other side of which is self-doubt. The need to go to others for confirmation of one's own merits is probably what makes one constantly look for a new and new mirror. nine0011
- Psychologist's blog: how to keep your personality in marriage
Love, as you know, is also a good painkiller and antidepressant, so perhaps in this way you are running away from some problem in life that needs to be solved a long time ago. And here you can hear songs, advertising from everywhere, the beauty and fashion industry is working at full capacity, which seems to be pushing someone to look for themselves, to please someone. As an alcoholic forgets with alcohol, you are healed by feelings. Oddly enough, married people who are experiencing a crisis in relationships are also prone to romance. nine0011
After all, in order to make a monotonous family life interesting, one has to try hard. It is much easier to fantasize for oneself a love that is free from "impurities" in the form of everyday life or marital duties.
Sometimes people invent a romantic connection out of boredom. When you get bored with work, but some kind of hobby, "work of a lifetime" - no. As one woman said, I can't do anything else. Therefore, look around, perhaps you will find something else worthwhile, in addition to searching for the eleventh time for the one and only. nine0011
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Man and a woman
When we are in love, at first we usually do not think about how serious our feelings are. We only think about this person and try to imagine our future relationship. “In the initial phase of a relationship, it can be difficult to understand how we really feel. What is it, true love or just a fleeting crush? suggests psychologist Tarra Bates-Duford. nine0011
What distinguishes love from falling in love
Falling in love usually occurs immediately and is most clearly felt at the beginning of acquaintance and relationship. Love, in turn, develops gradually. It requires from both partners certain efforts and devotion to each other.
“In love is irrational, when we are in love, we are attracted only by the person's appearance, status, popularity or success. We do not know anything at all about his personality and inner world, and we are not interested in this. We fall in love very quickly, but we are attracted not by reality, but by illusion, ”explains Bates-Duford. nine0011
At the beginning of a relationship, falling in love is easy to mistake for true love. But over time, the difference becomes more and more obvious. If the partners are truly interested in each other, then they gradually begin to ask more and more personal questions.
Each of you wants to know everything about the other: what he likes and dislikes, what interests him, what plans he has for the future and for his family. If your feelings are limited to easy falling in love, you are unlikely to be interested in learning something about each other besides what you already know and what lies on the surface. nine0011
Being in love is fleeting, love is long lasting
Being in love does not last long - it is not able to develop and adapt. Love, on the other hand, is resilient, flexible, and able to adapt to change. True love will survive any life storms.
Of course, falling in love sometimes develops into love, stormy passion becomes the first step on the way to deep mutual affection. But just as often, falling in love is just a passing fad. nine0011
16 differences between being in love and being in love
- Love can endure change, being in love can't. Falling in love is an unstable feeling and can quickly disappear with some significant changes.
- We fall in love with people of a strictly defined age. Love, as you know, "all ages are submissive", it may surprise us.
- Falling in love arises quickly. Sometimes at first sight. True love develops gradually.
- Love requires effort and devotion to a partner. Falling in love usually does not impose any serious obligations. nine0004
- Being in love craves physical contact. Without regular physical intimacy, interest begins to fade. True love is not limited to this aspect of the relationship.
- Falling in love often provokes obsessive attraction and burning jealousy. Love cultivates mutual understanding and trust.
- Love is superficial. Love is a deep feeling.
- True love is generosity and trust. Love is greedy and distrustful.
- Love has no foundation. She seems to be standing on quicksand, and love is based on a solid foundation. nine0004
- True love can last forever. Love inevitably fades.
- Love is fueled by friendship, and being in love is fueled by desire.
- Love is windy. True love is monogamous. Falling in love craves new and new objects of attraction.
- Falling in love is a thirst for an ideal. True love is the understanding that no one is perfect and that's okay.
- Love is sensitivity and restraint. Falling in love is ruled by violent and unbridled emotions. nine0004
- Love is capable of forgiving. And with fleeting love, partners often have hidden grievances.
- When we are in love, we are attracted by outer beauty. True love is the ability to see and appreciate inner beauty.
“It's important to understand what we want in advance, and not rush into a relationship hoping to figure it out already in the process. And if you do not have the strength, time or desire for something serious, it is advisable to explain this to your partner as soon as possible.