How to make a narcissist regret leaving you
How to Make a Narcissist Miss You & Regret Losing You?
Last Updated on March 3, 2022 by Alexander Burgemeester
Anyone that’s ever been in a relationship with a narcissist knows that their love is cyclical. One day they’re fawning over you, buying extravagant gifts, and saying that they’ve never felt this way before.
Not long after they’re criticizing how you dress, how you talk, and making you question your sanity. Then they get bored, leave, and make you feel like you never mattered in the first place – that is until they need an ego boost and come running back.
But what if you could be the one in control? What if you could bring them back to the relationship on your terms?
So how to make a narcissist miss you? It isn’t all that difficult. Ignore them, and they’ll do everything in their power to get your attention; narcissists thrive on interest and admiration, so playing hard to get is one of the best strategies for winning them back.
Table of Contents:
- Can a Narcissist Miss You?
- How to make a Narcissist Miss You
- Narcissist Chasing You
- Heal From The Narcissist
Can a Narcissist Genuinely Miss You?
Narcissists get pigeon-holed as these emotionless (albeit self-centered) robots, but in reality they’re incredibly sensitive.
They’re so sensitive and full of emotion that they don’t have much capacity for anyone else. It’s not that they’re incapable of empathy; they just don’t have room to feel anyone else’s emotions when they’re so focused on themselves.
So can someone who is focused on themselves genuinely miss you? The answer is an unsatisfying yes and no. Every relationship is about fulfilling an emotional need, and that’s true even in healthy relationships.
Reading Suggestion: How to take control away from a Narcissist?
So yes, narcissists can miss you in the sense that they feel bad when an emotional need isn’t being met when you’re not around and thus they want you back in their life. They need someone to boost their ego and make them feel good about themselves.
The answer can also be no in that a true narcissist doesn’t really miss you as a person; they miss how you made them feel. You were a source of narcissistic supply and provided them with positive feelings.
They miss having someone around that they can control and squeeze that supply from whenever they need it. However, you can always be replaced by someone else that makes them feel that same way.
Reading Suggestion: What Does a Narcissist Want in a Relationship?
How to Make a Narcissist Miss You?
If you’ve never been in a relationship with a narcissist, it might be a little confusing as to why you’d want them back after a breakup. However, many survivors of these relationships are left feeling confused and powerless following a discard.
Reading Suggestion: The Narcissist Discard phase
Figuring out how to get a narcissist back after a discard can be a way to regain one’s confidence, even if the relationship is eventually doomed to fail. So how do you make a narcissist regret losing you?
Start By Thinking Like Them
The first step to getting a narcissist to miss you is to think like a narcissist.
What is it about you that they liked most, what will they have trouble finding in a new romantic partner? If you’re wondering what a narcissist regrets most, it’s losing their source of supply.
Reading Suggestion: What is narcissistic Supply?
More than likely, your partner never saw you as a person. But do narcissists miss old supply? Absolutely! Think about when they needed their supply the most – what kind of ego triggers did they have, things that made them feel very negative about themselves?
Think about when you were indispensable as an ego booster. Use that to your advantage and then dole out the supply in minute doses.
Let Them End the Relationship
You might be thinking that the narcissist is already doing this when they criticize, gaslight, and generally make you miserable.
If you’re like most people, you call them out for their negative behaviors and let them know how much they’re hurting you. This is the wrong strategy against a narcissist though, they will always win this type of argument because they don’t care about your feelings.
Instead, when the narcissist is telling you how worthless you are or is playing the victim by listing all the wrongs you’ve committed against them, just let them.
Agree with their criticism and say that you don’t deserve them. You end the argument by agreeing with them, and it gives you the opening to initiate the breakup. If they’re flabbergasted that you would do such a thing, remind them of how terrible they just said you are.
Get Them to Open Up
Remember narcissists are not emotionless robots, they simply don’t know how to express their feelings and worries in a healthy way. Surprisingly, narcissists have the same desire for emotional intimacy as everyone else, but they aren’t very good at attaining it.
The narcissist is so afraid of being outed as weak, scared, or anything less than perfect – you know, things every human is from time to time, that they wall themselves off to make sure no one gets too close.
Reading Suggestion: How Do Narcissists Treat old Supply?
This is why narcissism results in such superficial relationships based on money, status, or sex.
Anything more complicated feels like it could be their downfall.
However, you can get through to some narcissists, provided you have the time and willpower. Once you’ve broken through their defenses and allowed them to open up, they’ll be yours, at least for a while.
Remind Them of What Was Good About Your Relationship
Narcissists are always looking for the better deal – more money, a more attractive partner, someone that can improve their social status.
They are quick to forget what made them happy in their previous relationships, instead of focusing on what was wrong with it and how there could be a more attractive option out there.
To get a narcissist to come back to you, help them remember all the things you did for them. To save face and not look foolish for discarding you, they’ll likely point out your flaws and everything you did wrong in the relationship.
However, by planting the seeds of doubt about their decision to walk away, you’ll have gotten inside their head and soon they will be obsessed with you again.
Go No Contact
If you’re wondering how to make a narcissist regret losing you, the simplest method is to stop communicating with them. Even when the narcissist discards you, they leave a line of communication open so they can access you whenever they need a dose of narcissistic supply.
Going zero contact lets the narcissist know that they’re not that important to you, your emotions aren’t tied to their whims, and you aren’t interested in continuing this relationship sometime in the future.
Reading Suggestion: How to Piss Off a Narcissist?
Unfortunately, zero contact isn’t possible for some people. If you’re forced to co-parent with a narcissist, only communicate about what’s necessary for the health and well-being of your child. Then, when the narcissist inevitably steers the conversation towards themself and how they’re doing after the breakup, kindly redirect them to essential parenting topics.
Does a Narcissist Miss You After No Contact?By necessity, this no contact will be temporary if you’re hoping to get back together with the narcissist.
It’s a break that’ll give them time to clear their head and think about how much you meant to them.
Again, don’t take that as them seeing how valuable of a person you really are, but how valuable you are to them; the narcissist is always thinking about how they can use you.
How to Get a Narcissist to Chase You?
Following a discard, many narcissists will leave you alone for a while. Not only do they want you to feel worthless and undeserving of your time, but they’re probably searching for better romantic prospects. The key to getting a narcissist to chase you is to show them what they’re missing out on.
You need to remind them of how valuable you were in their life. Narcissists will only treat you with kindness and respect when they believe they can lose something valuable to them. They need to know that your presence in their life is conditional on their behavior.
Another option is to induce the excitement that was present in the early stages of the relationship.
The narcissist was on top of the world because they finally had someone that filled all their psychological voids.
Reading Suggestion: How to make a Narcissist Obsessed With You?
You want them to feel the way again, when they were love bombing you and still enthralled with a new romance. Always keep in mind why the narcissist left though. Their love has a time limit, and they hit their limit whenever those feelings of excitement run out.
Treat Yourself to a Makeover
Nothing is more important to a narcissist than their personal appearance; this applies equally to male and female narcissists.
So if you’re wondering how to make a narcissist regret losing you, start putting more work into your appearance. Seeing you looking trim and fit or with a fresh makeover will signal that you’re feeling confident after the breakup. That fact alone will infuriate them, as they want to be in control of your confidence.
Additionally, narcissists want to be seen with attractive people because they think this makes them look attractive and high-status.
Be the Person You Want to Be
Physical appearance isn’t everything, though, even if it’s a big attractant for narcissists. Focusing on yourself is a great way to let loose the shackles of a narcissistic relationship and see who you can really be.
If you’ve ever had an interest in something but didn’t pursue it: a career change, world travel, or just some sort of hobby, this is a great time to make it happen. The narcissist will notice and be incredibly attracted to your newfound ambition.
Get Them to Talk About Themselves
Everyone likes to talk about themselves and it feels good when the person you’re interested in is hanging on you every word.
Narcissists take this to the extreme by dominating the conversation and redirecting it whenever it strays too far from praising them. Ask the narcissists questions about their successes or anything that will boost their ego and don’t call them on it if the answers sound exaggerated or outright false.
That can be challenging with a narcissist who’s discarded you, as you’re probably well aware of their flaws.
Don’t Act Too Impressed With Them
This sounds like the opposite of the last point, but when done correctly, it’s a foolproof way to get a narcissist to come running back to you. You want to keep them talking about themselves, but don’t interject or follow their statements with any kind of praise or signs that you’re impressed.
Reading Suggestion: Are Narcissists Happy With Themselves?
They’ll keep trying so long as you’re willing to keep listening. The longer you keep this up, the more they’ll be interested. Make the narcissist beg for your approval.
Make Yourself Seem Unattainable
Nothing thrills a narcissist quite like a chase, with the pursuit usually being more exciting than an actual relationship. If you’re trying to understand how to get a narcissist to come crawling back to you, being unavailable is a sure-fire method.
If the narcissist tries to make plans to see you, say you’re busy and give a non-committal answer for when you might meet up.
How to Heal from a Narcissistic Relationship
Enduring months or even years of narcissistic abuse can exact a heavy toll on your psyche. It’s hard to remember what it’s like to have a relationship with someone that isn’t constantly playing mind games with you.
Reading Suggestion: How Do Narcissists End Relationships?
After a discard, you might make rash decisions, hoping you can make them jealous and regret losing you. If they come chasing after you, you feel like you’ve beat them at their own game. Unfortunately, you’re playing right into their hands.
Being discarded by a narcissist is usually temporary; they often come back, which is not a positive thing even if you’re in control of the situation.
The relationship will always be a toxic one and a waste of your time and emotional resources when you could be with someone who’ll love you and treat you as more than a source of supply.
Reading Suggestion: How to make a Narcissist Miserable?
The Only Way To Make A Narcissist Regret Leaving You
After dating a narcissist, after the initial shock you go through when he knocks you down, all you want is to make this bastard go through everything you went through.
You want to see him down, to see his heart crushed and to make him feel all the pain you felt because of him.
And who could blame you? After all, this man spiritually killed you, destroyed your faith in love and scarred you for life, so why would he deserve anything else than you doing the same thing to him?
Why would he deserve your sympathy, when he never cared about the way he made you feel?
Why would he deserve your kindness, when he was ruthless to you?
Why would he be spared your merciless revenge, when he never thought of the consequences his actions would leave on you?
You’re convinced that the only thing that could make you feel better is to get even.
To see him suffer the same way you did and to see him down on his knees, begging for your forgiveness.
So, you keep on searching for ways to get your sweet revenge.
For ways to destroy a narcissist and to make him pay for every single tear you cried for him.
What would be the best option? To pretend like you still believe in his lies and then to give him
a taste of his own medicine and to start treating him the way he treated you all along?
Or would it be more effective if you badmouth him everywhere you go? If you reveal all of his dirty secrets and make his life a living hell?
How can you make this asshole regret breaking your heart and then leaving you, as if everything was your fault? How can you make him repent?
Well, I hate to be the one to burst your bubble but I have to tell you that you’ll never change his ways.
You’ll never open his eyes and have him faced with all of his misdeeds.
As much as you try, you’ll never beat the narcissist at his own game. And you know why?
Because you’re not the manipulative, self-centered, egotistic piece of shit he is.
So, please don’t try becoming one because that would mean he won and succeeded in bringing you to the dark side.
The truth is that the only way to hurt a narcissist is to walk away from him. But I mean to really abandon him for good.
Related: How To Make A Narcissist Fear You: 19 FOOLPROOF Ways
It’s to stop giving him any attention whatsoever and to make him feel irrelevant.
It’s to make him see that he didn’t have the slightest impact on your personality or on your future and it’s to make him feel like he doesn’t matter.
It is to leave him hanging and to show him that he didn’t break you, as much as he tried doing so.
That he didn’t manage to destroy you completely, despite all of his efforts.
I know this might sound like a cliché now but trust me: the best way to hurt a narcissist is to be truly happy without him.
This is the only thing that will show him that you don’t need him and that you can make it without him just fine.
That is exactly what will destroy his ego and, consequently, spiritually kill him, knowing that he didn’t leave a trace.
Knowing that he wasn’t important to you, like he thought he was.
It will show him that he is replaceable and that the earth doesn’t revolve around him.
That his manipulations weren’t fruitful and that his toxicity has been defeated.
It will show him that your goodness defeated his evil and that your light defeated his darkness.
Most importantly—it will show him that, despite all odds, you still love yourself more than you ever loved him.
And that is a punch in the throat no narcissist can take.
So please, be the bigger and better person and put all of your efforts into starting over and never turning back.
Don’t forget what he did to you but forget about meaningless revenge.
Don’t do it because he deserves it—do it because you deserve it, after everything you’ve been through.
9 shares
How to Make a Narcissist Unhappy: 12+ Things They Can't Tolerate : Current School News
Filed in Articles by Dynamic Energy October 28, 2022
The narcissist in your life probably makes you feel defeated and frustrated all the time. Learn how to piss off a narcissist and make them miserable whenever you see them by reading this article.
It is difficult to deal with a narcissist and dealing with him can often make you angry or tense. Because narcissists don't usually want to change their behavior, you can use their personality traits against them to make them feel bad.
What is a daffodil?
A narcissist is someone who exhibits certain recognizable characteristics associated with narcissism.
An exaggerated sense of self-importance, a strong desire for attention, a craving for admiration and egocentrism are some of the characteristics.
Things to look out for when dealing with a narcissist
Most people show narcissistic traits from time to time, but not often enough to qualify them as narcissists.
If someone exhibits the following behavior frequently, you may be dealing with a very narcissistic person.
• Considering oneself superior
• Tendency to be rude or violent
• Use of projection, deflection, and denial to avoid responsibility
• Arguing and draining energy
• Tendency to prioritize one's own needs
• Arrogant, cunning, or sly domineering behavior
• Frequent disregard for one's feelings and limitations
Ways to make a narcissist unhappy
These are ways to make a narcissist unhappy
1.
Avoid them Positive or negative, narcissists love attention.
The narcissist can't handle you ignoring them because you don't offer them anything at all.
When you see them in person, avoid talking to them and ignore their calls and messages. As you continue to ignore the narcissist in your life, you will find that they become more and more angry.
2.
Hit them with new boundariesA good set of limits for each party is essential for a healthy relationship. People in trouble don't like or respect boundaries. Although they will scream and grumble, put them on anyway.
Setting boundaries is to prevent anyone from encroaching on your territory and valuables. There is no doubt that they will empower you to see if you give in.
Be persistent, because drug addicts persistently wear people down. Even if it means being good until you give up, do it.
3.
Speak with facts, not with emotions Narcissists find it hard to argue with cold, hard facts. When you present only the facts to narcissists, it is much harder for them to refute what you are saying.
If you just give narcissists the proven truth, they won't be able to undermine you and try to prove you wrong.
4.
PowerNarcissists don't like being in charge. This is the result of their dislike of answering to anyone but themselves. Any form of power compromises their innate instincts for dominance and control.
Narcissists often get into trouble at work, at school, or with the law. Have you ever known a narcissist who worked many jobs? Are they regularly punished for their actions?
Despite their intelligence, narcissists are often aggressive and unsuited for the job.
When faced with inappropriate actions, people often try to minimize or deny involvement.
5.
Establish the consequencesEnmity towards boundaries is stronger for narcissistic people than their dislike for consequences. But what makes restrictions effective is the results.
Set penalties for crossing borders and refusing to take responsibility for your actions.
When consequences are precise, applicable, and closely related to boundary violations, they are more effective.
6.
Tell them noThe worst word a narcissist can hear is no. Narcissists are used to using deceit and coercion to get what they want.
They often go to great lengths to complete this task. They dedicated their entire lives to seducing others in order to fulfill their demands. They never stop to consider how your emotions are affecting the situation.
This explains why refusing them and defending their position so often infuriates them. The narcissist isn't just frustrated with the denial, he's just puzzled by it!
Narcissists find it difficult to understand why someone rejects them. They can't understand what's going on in your head because they don't have real empathy. Moreover, despite their best efforts, they reject this truth.
7.
Focus on yourself The narcissist wants you to put his needs ahead of your own.
Start being kinder and more respectful to yourself if you want to really piss off the narcissist.
Be clear about your needs and put them first. If your interaction with them will concern only you, this will change the situation. They must be furious after that.
8.
Public humiliationNarcissists are hardened losers who can't stand real or imagined things. They just can't bear the thought of failure. They see humiliation in front of others as the height of defeat.
We all know how easy it is to hurt the egos of narcissists. It shocks their existence when they think that someone is making fun of them or when they are not considered experts or authorities in the public environment. Because of this, they will take any measures to maintain their fragile ego.
9.
Gray rockerReduce the amount of attention you give to a person by using what is known as "gray rocking".
A method comparable to silent treatment can be especially useful when working with a parent or adult child who is difficult to permanently expel.
Keep your communication short and direct.
10
Leave the narcissistYou cannot leave them until they are ready to throw you out because they believe they own you and control you.
The narcissist is confident that you will stay with him once he begins the process of binding the trauma to keep you under his control.
Emotional abuse such as routine lying, betrayal, or labeling you as "crazy" can lead to a traumatic bond. Control and manipulation cease when you leave them forever.
When they realize that you have cut off their narcissistic source, they will become so unhappy that they will eventually go insane.
11
Commitment expectationsMost narcissists struggle with commitment. Even though they believe they deserve all forms of loyalty, they rarely show it.
As a result, entering into partnerships, they do not take into account the requirements of other people. They think only about their feelings, inclinations and desires.
Unfortunately, many adoring partners cling to the desired illusion that their narcissists will change.
They perceive the narcissist's adoration and flattery towards them. They cling to far-fetched assurances that this time will be different.
But the narcissist is responsible for everything. They make decisions about what they want to achieve and when they want to do it. As a result, they are free to defy the laws and change them as they see fit.
12
Your own clarityWhat the narcissist hates most is the idea that you can remember the life before you met him. This is their biggest fear and they will use every means to prevent this from happening.
Love bombing is a tactic used by narcissists to keep you captive. With their charm, wit, and cognitive empathy, they will win you over.
They will give you a sense of exclusivity that you have never experienced before, through the use of cognitive empathy, of course.
However, the narcissist never wants you to form your own opinion. They will respond if you start behaving like that.
They will make an effort to undermine and sabotage you. They will make you question your skills and motivation.
13
Live your best lifeGoing drug free is another way to make them feel bad and embarrass them. The other person will be jealous of you, which is also a narcissistic quality.
Their desire to compete with you and outdo you is motivated by jealousy. Ironically, they appear to be competent experts who have a better life than you.
They actually carry a heavy sense of emptiness with them and seek fulfillment in your relationship. However, they just can't see you happy and successful. It drives them crazy!
Conclusion
Targeting what the narcissist despises will help you make him wish he never bothered you.
They will lose to you at your own game and you will get the respect you deserve.
But keep in mind that you first need to feel the narcissist and refrain from anything that might induce him to hurt you.
We think this article was very helpful to you. Share this post with your friends and family.
CSN Team.
Can a narcissist change for love?
I will start talking about Dolokhov's prototypes one of these days. I barely make it. So for now, Sam Vaknin, author of Malignant Self-Love: Narcissism Revisited, continues to answer your questions. :) I thank Elena Gapich for the translation.
Question. Can a narcissist change for love? A man who has all the classic signs of a narcissist after being separated for several months has practically changed his behavior to the norm, well, almost. In any case, heaven and earth compared to what it was. If this is just a sleeping maneuver, then it has been going on for six months. So long perhaps? What about the meaning? I won't let myself eat again.
Can a narcissist be re-educated if he wants to?
Answer: Narcissists are efficient machines aimed at obtaining a narcissistic resource. If they are required to change their behavior in order to ensure the availability and functioning of the resource, they will do it. This change in behavior is not manipulative or intentional. It happens automatically, at the level of a reflex.
This is not healing and does not last long. The narcissist will return to his previous behavior once he is satisfied that he is safe and has successfully "hooked" the newly acquired source of the resource.
The narcissist returns to his former sources of narcissistic resource when he has absolutely no new one. In this case, he is desperately trying to extract some benefit from his former and worked relationship. But he will never do this without the firm conviction that he can successfully extract at least a grain of the narcissistic resource (even when you respond with aggression to his actions, this confirms the fact of his existence and is a resource).
Resuming a relationship with an exhausted resource source (known as "hanging" or "sucking") requires a second idealization phase. Previously, the narcissist has devastated and neglected his former relationship, devalued the source of the narcissistic resource, convincing himself that it is of low quality, flawed, insufficient, defective, hostile, in other words, "this is not such a big loss."
Now he must abandon this assessment and again idealize his source of resource, but without admitting that he was wrong. In order to maintain his grandiosity and grandeur, the narcissist invents a story in which he combines the phases of devaluation and re-idealization.
Examples:
Devaluation phase: I left her because she insults me.
Re-idealization phase: Yes, she may have insulted me, but it was not done out of malice.
Devaluation phase: I am smart and cannot live with a stupid person.
Re-idealization phase: Yes, she may be naive and trusting, but that makes her original and real.
The cerebral narcissist, who is inherently asexual, may become somatic for a while and have sex with the same resource source in order to give the impression that he is active, whole and "healed", thereby suggesting that he will never again refuse to satisfying basic human needs for intimacy and love. But gradually the relationship with the narcissist fades away. It's not a sharp break. This is a hidden promotion.
They coax, they plead, they promise, they convince, and in the end, they manage to repeat the impossible - to confuse you once again, although you already know that you succumb to their superficial charm.
So you're back in "relationship" and hoping for the best. But this is a walk on thin ice. You become the epitome of submission, the ideal source of narcissistic resource, the ideal partner, spouse, or colleague. You crossed your fingers so as not to jinx your happiness.
But how does the narcissist react to your return? It depends on what position you resumed the relationship from - from a position of strength or weakness.
The Narcissist views all interactions with other people in terms of a struggle or competition in which he can win. He does not consider you as a partner. You are an opponent for him, who must be conquered and defeated.
Thus, if he is interested in you, then your return is his triumph, proof of superiority over you and confirmation of his irresistibility.
If the narcissist perceives you as autonomous, independent and able to withdraw and abandon him, he plays the role of a sensual, loving, compassionate and empathic partner. He respects strength and delights in it. And as long as you maintain your "cold and determined" demeanor and keep him in limbo, he is more likely to behave correctly.
If you have renewed contact because you succumbed to his threats or are clearly financially or emotionally dependent, the narcissist will attack your weaknesses with force and use them to the maximum. After a short honeymoon, he will immediately resume control and revert to his previous abuser behavior.
In both cases, the theatrical behavior of the narcissist ends and the true nature of his feelings is revealed. The facade crumbles into small pieces, and under it the same soulless treacherous predator appears, which in fact it is. His jubilant admiration for himself, when he bends you to his desires and rules, his all-consuming sense of rightness, his sexual promiscuity, aggression, pathological envy and anger - everything returns with a vengeance.
The prognosis is much worse when you resume relationships after a long period of separation, when you have already begun to live your own interests, needs, desires and plans, made independent purchases, and began to communicate with friends.
The narcissist cannot accept your autonomy. To him, you are simply a tool for satisfying desires or an extension of his false self. He is outraged by your requests for money, is insanely jealous of your friends, refuses to listen to your desires or compromise, is jealous and devalues your achievements.
