How to help a narcissist husband
How to handle a Narcissist: 9 tips
Managing a relationship with someone who has narcissistic personality traits can take a toll on your well-being and mental health. Try strategies such as setting clear boundaries and relying on a support system of people you can trust.
The term narcissist is tossed around frequently. It is used to describe people who seem self-focused, concerned only for themselves, or manipulative of people in their lives.
Some people may have a mental health condition narcissistic personality disorder (NPD). Only a qualified mental health professional can diagnose this condition based on the criteria outlined in the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders (DSM-5).
Other people may exhibit some traits of narcissism but do not qualify for an official diagnosis.
Here you can learn how to cope with a person in your life who has narcissistic personality traits, including what you can do to establish healthy behaviors and boundaries around this person.
We tend to use the word narcissist to describe a person who’s self-centered and short on empathy.
However, it’s important to remember that NPD is a legitimate mental health condition that can create significant challenges for the person living with it. It can also make it harder to others to maintain a relationship with the person.
Still, some people can exhibit narcissistic characteristics without being diagnosed with NPD. These might include:
- appearing to have an inflated sense of self-importance
- fostering a fantasy world to boost their sense of grandeur
- needing constant praise and admiration
- having a sense of entitlement
- taking advantage of others or exploiting people without shame or guilt
- not recognizing or caring about the needs of others
- demeaning or bullying others
- monopolizing conversations or meetings
To make things more complicated, people with NPD or narcissistic tendencies are often very sensitive to feedback from others. They may react with rage if confronted. They can also turn angry if they feel slighted or ignored.
Here’s a look at some practical ways to deal with someone who has NPD or narcissistic tendencies — plus some tips for recognizing when it’s time to move on.
People without NPD or other similar mental health conditions usually think of a relationship as a selfless equation. It’s about offering something to another person without the expectation of immediate or equal reimbursement.
That’s not typically the case with people with narcissist personality traits. They frequently view relationships as transactional or something that must benefit them.
Indeed, people with NPD are frequently charming, magnetic, and compelling. That can make them seem irresistible, sexy even. But the truth is that people with narcissistic traits often have troubled relationships rocked by jealousy, anger, and abuse.
A person with NPD is not always capable of the reciprocity that is necessary for healthy relationships. They may try to turn their shortcomings or failures around on others. They can be volatile and sensitive in arguments. In some cases, they may also use lies or manipulation to avoid accountability.
That can leave a partner exhausted, drained, and empty. Instead of defending themselves or setting boundaries for their own mental well-being, partners of people with NPD may decide it’s easier to go along with their partner’s demands and manipulation.
Of course, it’s important to note that not all relationships with a person who has NPD will be this troublesome. Some people can improve narcissistic tendencies and develop less one-sided relationships with treatment.
How not to deal with narcissistic tendencies
Confronting a person with NPD about their behaviors is rarely fruitful. In many cases, they will try to maintain the upper hand and are often very resistant to change.
Instead of attempting to “fix” a person with NPD, focusing on your own behaviors and well-being is best. This includes setting boundaries and building a stronger support system of friends, family, and professionals to help you navigate the ups and downs of a relationship with this person.
People often describe a person with a narcissistic personality as charming and likable, which may make it easy to overlook some of their other more harmful behaviors.
However, it’s important to familiarize yourself with the signs of NPD so that they are easier to recognize.
This can also help you better understand the person’s strengths and weaknesses, so you are prepared to navigate any challenges that arise.
Plus, it can be the first step in learning to accept them for who they are and setting more realistic expectations about your relationship.
Talk with a mental health professional or read books written by mental health professionals. This may help you learn the best ways of communicating with your loved one showing signs of narcissistic personality traits.
Building healthy self-esteem can make it much easier to handle and cope with some of the potentially harmful behaviors you may encounter when maintaining a relationship with someone with NPD.
Engaging in positive self-talk, practicing self-care, and finding a healthy support system can help you develop resilience and foster your self-esteem.
Having higher self-esteem can also make it easier to set clear boundaries, be assertive, and advocate for yourself, all of which are key to maintaining a relationship with someone with NPD.
Sometimes, ignoring something or simply walking away is an appropriate response — pick your battles, right?
But a lot depends on the relationship. For example, dealing with a boss, parent, or spouse may call for different strategies than dealing with a co-worker, sibling, or child.
If you feel that your boundaries have been crossed when communicating with someone with NPD, try not to react, get visibly flustered, or show annoyance.
If it’s someone you’d like to keep close in your life, then you owe it to yourself to speak up. Try to do this in a calm, gentle manner.
You must tell them how their words and conduct impact your life. Be specific and consistent about what’s not acceptable and how you expect to be treated, but prepare yourself for the fact that it may be challenging for them to understand or empathize with your feelings.
You may notice that your boundaries are being crossed when dealing with someone with NPD.
Instead of trying to change someone with NPD, it’s best to set boundaries about any behaviors that are unacceptable to you and communicate them clearly to the other person.
You should also enforce these boundaries rather than making idle threats or ultimatums to ensure that you are being taken seriously.
Say you have a co-worker who loves to park their big truck in a way that makes it hard for you to back out. Start by firmly asking them to make sure they leave you enough space. Then, state the consequences for not respecting your wishes.
Such as, if you can’t safely back out, you’ll have their car towed. The key is to follow through and call the towing company the next time it happens.
Practicing skills like deep breathing, yoga, or meditation may make it easier to remain calm and avoid reacting when interacting with someone with NPD.
Becoming clear on your intentions or practicing what you plan to say before asserting your boundaries may also be beneficial.
It can also help you anticipate how they may react to challenging conversations so that you can respond appropriately.
If you can’t avoid the person, try to build up your healthy relationships and support network of people. Spending too much time in a dysfunctional relationship with someone who has a narcissistic personality can leave you emotionally drained.
Rekindle old friendships and try to nurture new ones. Get together with family more often.
If your social circle is smaller than you’d prefer, try taking a class to explore a new hobby. Get active in your community or volunteer for a local charity. Do something that allows you to meet more people you feel comfortable with.
What is a healthy relationship?
Spending a lot of time with someone who has a narcissistic personality can make it hard to remember what a healthy relationship even feels like.
Here are a few signs to look for:
- both people listen and make an effort to understand each other
- both people acknowledge their mistakes and take responsibility for them
- both people feel like they can relax and be their true selves in front of the other
Many people with narcissistic personalities are good at making promises. They may promise to do what you want and not to do that thing you hate or promise to generally do better.
Oftentimes, they are also sincere about these promises. However, in other cases, these promises may also be a means to their own ends.
Though direct confrontation is not recommended, it is important to be clear about what you want, need, or expect, and express yourself calmly and gently. Let them know that you’ll fulfill their requests only after they’ve fulfilled yours.
You should also stay consistent and follow through to take your expectations seriously.
People with NPD frequently have other disorders such as substance use disorder or other mental health or personality disorders. Having another disorder may be what prompts someone to seek help.
It’s also important to remember that narcissistic traits aren’t indicative of a more severe mental health issue. It is possible for some people to display some traits, such as delusions of grandeur or a sense of entitlement, without it being the result of a more significant mental health condition.
The only way to distinguish between random traits and a true disorder is through an evaluation with a mental health professional.
Of course, even people with narcissistic traits might benefit from the help of a mental health professional. Regardless of a larger diagnosis, some traits can be detrimental to relationships, personal development, and well-being.
And remember, while NPD is a mental health condition, it doesn’t excuse harmful or abusive behavior.
Regularly managing a relationship with someone who has a narcissistic personality can take a toll on your own mental and physical health.
If you have symptoms of anxiety, depression, or unexplained physical ailments, or you feel impacted by a relationship with a challenging person, see a primary care doctor first. Once you have a checkup, you can ask for referrals to other services, such as mental health professionals and support groups.
Reach out to family and friends and call your support system into service. There’s no need to go it alone.
Some people with narcissistic personalities can also be verbally or emotionally abusive.
Here are some signs of an abusive relationship:
- name-calling, insults
- patronizing, public humiliation
- yelling, threatening
- jealousy, accusations
Other warning signs to watch for in the other person include:
- blaming you for everything that goes wrong
- monitoring your movements or attempting to isolate you
- telling you how you really feel or should feel
- routinely projecting their shortcomings onto you
- denying things that are obvious to you or attempting to gaslight you
- trivializing your opinions and needs
But at what point is it time to throw in the towel? Every relationship has its ups and downs, right?
While this is true, it’s generally best to leave the relationship if:
- you’re being verbally or emotionally abused
- you feel manipulated and controlled
- you’ve been physically abused or feel threatened
- you feel isolated
- the person with NPD or a narcissistic personality shows signs of mental illness or substance misuse, but won’t get help
- your mental or physical health has been affected
If you fear the other person, you can reach out to the National Domestic Violence Hotline at 800-799-7233, which provides 24/7 access to service providers and shelters across the United States.
As you come to terms with your decision to leave the relationship, it might be helpful to talk with a professional.
These mental health resources can help you find an appropriate mental health professional:
- American Psychiatric Association: Find a Psychiatrist
- American Psychological Association: Psychologist Locator
- Veterans Affairs: VA Certified Counselors
If you think you’re in immediate danger, call 911 or local emergency services and remove yourself from the situation, if that’s possible.
What should you not say to a narcissist?
People with narcissistic personalities can be hypersensitive to criticism and may react with hostility, rage, or aggression if confronted.
While it’s important to set boundaries and communicate clearly, confronting them about their behaviors, calling them a liar, or expecting them to change is unlikely to help.
Can narcissistic personality be corrected?
Narcissistic tendencies can improve with treatment, though this requires a lot of time, effort, and patience.
If you decide to maintain a relationship with someone with NPD during treatment, it’s important to set realistic expectations and healthy boundaries.
What are the four types of narcissism?
There are two main NPD types: Grandiose (overt) narcissism and vulnerable (covert) narcissism. While grandiose narcissism is often characterized by exaggerated self-worth and a need for admiration, people with vulnerable narcissism instead experience feelings of self-consciousness and insecurity.
There are also several other subtypes, including antagonistic narcissism, which is characterized by aggressiveness and feelings of entitlement, and communal narcissism, a type in which people tend to seek admiration for being altruistic or benevolent.
NPD is a serious mental health condition that can make building and maintaining healthy relationships challenging.
Though navigating a relationship with a person with NPD can be difficult, setting clear boundaries, building a strong support system, and practicing skills to keep calm and respond appropriately may be beneficial.
However, keep in mind that it’s also important to recognize when you need help and when it’s time to step away from the relationship.
7 Tips On How To Deal With A Narcissist Husband
Are you in a relationship with someone who acts narcissistic, experiences narcissistic rage, or has been diagnosed with narcissistic personality disorder (NPD)? While most couples experience problems, if you’re in a relationship with someone with narcissism, you may experience some truly unique challenges. However, that doesn’t mean that your relationship can’t work.
The seven tips below may help you learn how to interact with a partner who has NPD.
What Is Narcissistic Personality Disorder?
Check Out These Seven Tips For Living With A Narcissistic Partner.
Connect With A Mental Health Professional
A narcissist is someone who has narcissistic personality disorder (NPD). However, having narcissistic tendencies does not necessarily mean that a person has NPD. This mental health condition is a type of personality disorder that can only be diagnosed by a professional. Some psychologists believe that narcissistic traits tend to arise as a defense mechanism to excessive criticism during a person’s early years, childhood trauma, or a lack of emotional availability from a primary caregiver.
Somebody who is living with NPD may come across as being extremely confident, and people might find them arrogant. One study found that narcissists tend to outperform others, not because they are smarter but because they may be more resilient and determined.
Common signs of narcissistic personality disorder include:
- An inflated ego
- Feelings of entitlement
- A tendency to take over conversations
- An inflated sense of self-importance
- A tendency to exaggerate accomplishments
- Fragile self-esteem
- The habit of taking advantage of others for their own personal gain
- Constant troubled relationships
- A tendency to belittle others
- Inability to see the needs or feelings of others
- Inability to maintain healthy relationships
- Difficulty with their own emotions
- Anger, mood swings, and impatience
These symptoms may make it difficult to be in a relationship with someone who is narcissistic. You may also find yourself a survivor of an abusive relationship because of these behaviors. Abuse may include things like calling you names, giving you the silent treatment, gaslighting you, manipulating you, lying, withholding, and isolating.
Narcissistic abuse is a form of psychological or emotional abuse. The effects of it may be long-lasting if you’re unaware that it’s happening.
Tips On How To Deal With A Narcissist Partner
1. Make A Decision
The first thing that may help you in living with a narcissist is acknowledging that there’s a possibility that your partner isn’t going to change their behavior. If you’re continuing to stay in the relationship only because you think that this is going to happen, you may experience disappointment. Because the symptoms of NPD include having low self-esteem and struggling to take responsibility for any wrongs, it may not be easy for a narcissist to recognize their behavior and make a change.
This doesn’t necessarily mean that you can’t or shouldn’t stay with your partner, but if you want things to look different in your relationship, you may be the one that needs to make a change. If you’re counting on your partner to be the one to improve your relationship, you may quickly grow frustrated. While it might not seem fair that you may be the one making the majority of changes, that is sometimes what’s required in a relationship with someone with NPD.
2. Learn To Recognize The Triggers
When living with a narcissistic partner, it can also be helpful to learn to recognize the things that seem to trigger their insecurities. Because narcissists may be secretly insecure, this may trigger them to act out in anger or other negative behaviors. Once you learn how to recognize these triggers, it may help you to be prepared mentally for the struggle that they may be having.
One reason why some narcissists end up reacting in rage may be low self-esteem. Because narcissists tend to hide their insecurities, they may have a hard time coping when someone points out something that makes them look like they don’t know what they’re doing or talking about. When this happens, a narcissist may react by belittling those around them in an effort to try to feel better about themselves.
3. Build Your Own Self-Esteem
Narcissists may struggle with being empathetic to other people. Also, because they may see themselves as superior to others, they tend to knock other people down and insult them. They may engage in emotional and verbal abuse. These are all reasons why you might want to build your own self-esteem, without counting on your partner to help you do this.
They may have been flattering and charming at the beginning of your relationship, but over time, their true colors may have started to show. There may be times in your relationship when your partner does say things to build you up. However, this behavior tends to be like a roller coaster, and you may find that it’s not long before they’re trying to make you feel bad about yourself. This is an unfortunate cycle that exists in many narcissistic relationships.
If you are choosing to stay with your partner, you may want to work on establishing healthy self-esteem despite your partner’s behavior. Because narcissists tend to silently struggle with their own self-esteem, your partner may be unable to help you with your own.
4. Look For Ways To Help Your Partner Build Their Self-Esteem
While it’s not your responsibility to build your partner’s self-esteem, you may find that helping them achieve a healthier relationship with themselves may be beneficial for both of you. It may help you to remind yourself that they’re most likely not acting negatively toward you because of anything that you’ve done; it’s more likely because they are hurting and feel insecure.
If you notice things that your partner is doing well or things that you appreciate about them, it can go a long way to mention those things to them. This may help to build their self-esteem for the moment and remind you of the things that you love about them.
5. Establish Clear Boundaries
Setting boundaries in any intimate relationship can lead to a healthier connection, and in a relationship with a narcissist, it may be even more important. Your partner is likely to want to take control of everything in the relationship.
Some examples of boundaries that you may want to set include:
- No name-calling. You could let your partner know that if they begin to call you names, the conversation will be over and that you will walk away.
- Having time alone with friends. A narcissistic person may not like it when you spend time with friends or have your own life outside the relationship. However, isolation can be a form of emotional abuse, and you deserve to have a strong support system in your life.
- Not making excuses for them. You may find that people with narcissistic traits do things like miss family get-togethers or your children’s events and then expect you to make up an excuse to cover for them. It’s okay not to do this for them.
Also, when you set boundaries, you may find that your partner respects them if you make them clear. They may try to make you feel guilty, but you might find more stability if you stay strong and stick to your boundaries.
6. Build A Support System
Check Out These Seven Tips For Living With A Narcissistic Partner. Connect With A Mental Health Professional
Check Out These Seven Tips For Living With A Narcissistic Partner.
Connect With A Mental Health Professional
You might find it helpful to establish a good support system around you. It can be common for a narcissist to isolate their partner from family and friends. This can negatively affect your physical or mental health. Your partner may want all of your attention and may become jealous if you are spending time with other people. You may find that your partner criticizes your friends or family in an effort to get you to not spend time with them.
When you are not connecting with a support system, it may become easier for your partner to control more of your life. Also, it can become harder for you to recognize the wrong behaviors that they are showing. A support system may help you see things clearly and feel more stable during challenging times.
7. Get Counseling
If you’re married to a narcissist, it may be helpful to meet with a therapist. If you’ve been a victim of narcissistic abuse, you may have a hard time recognizing that the behaviors showing up in your relationship are not acceptable. You may find yourself going back and forth between wondering if it’s a problem and thinking you’re just making a big deal out of nothing.
A therapist may help you work through the questions that you have, help you work on building your self-esteem, and teach you strategies to help strengthen your relationship.
It’s possible that a narcissistic partner may not want to attend couples counseling, or they may even try to keep you from attending therapy yourself. This can make online therapy like that offered by BetterHelp an effective option. You can talk with a therapist from anywhere that is comfortable and works for you, instead of having to go into a therapist’s office. Also, you can message your therapist at any time of day, and they’ll get back to you as soon as they can.
While living with a narcissistic partner may present significant challenges, you are not alone. You can speak with a professional counselor with the experience and training necessary to help people with a narcissistic partner. Reach out to a therapist today to get the support you deserve and learn more about how to move forward in your relationship.
How to Divorce a Narcissistic Husband: 4 Rules for Breaking Up - Be sure to remember Them
DivorceRelationship CrisisMan and Woman
If the narcissist does not get the attention they want, they will try to punish you. Not all of them openly violate the criminal code and use physical violence. Most turn out to be emotional abusers, which is no less painful for the victims.
A person with a narcissistic disorder lacks compassion even for those closest to him. You most likely will not be able to part friends. Divorce requires a clear defense strategy.
Signs of a recidivist narcissist
In the book Disarming the Narcissist, psychologist Wendy Bihairi gives an example of the most dangerous representative of this type, the "psychological recidivist", devoid of any moral restraints and respect for other people's space. Distinctive features of such narcissists:
He considers you his property and is beside himself with the fact that you are out of control. He will keep you as his victim at any cost and is ready to apologize for this. Don't be under any illusions - a narcissist never repents. And if you believe, he will find a way to punish for the humiliation to which you subjected him, forcing him to ask for forgiveness.
Such a person's ambitions are not supported by talents and achievements, so he suffers from low self-esteem. If he sees that you or the children show interest in someone else, forgetting about his exceptional person, he will begin to suffer from jealousy and try to take revenge on you.
Wendy Bihairi believes that your safety, both psychologically and physically, should be a top priority when leaving a narcissistic husband. Especially if you are dealing with a “psychological recidivist” who, at the very beginning of the divorce, will begin to intimidate the consequences of your decision.
You should completely isolate yourself from communication with him. Enter into any negotiations only in writing or through intermediaries you trust.
Why did you choose him
You need to stop putting the interests of the former partner, which he presented as the interests of the family, above your own. “A sense of codependency often distinguishes those who are fascinated by and marry a narcissist,” says Ross Rosenberg, author of The Magnet Syndrome: Why We Love Those Who Hurt Us. - People who are prone to codependency easily fall into the emotional service of their spouse.
The narcissist, as an extremely selfish person, sees his potential victim well and knows the tricks of seduction well, trying to tie his partner as close as possible. He mistakenly takes this as signs of special closeness. And for a long time he denies that this relationship is one-sided: the narcissist only allows you to love yourself and take care of his interests.
Recognizing painful addiction is the first step towards inner liberation from a destructive union.
How to break up with a narcissist
1. Focus on what you can control
These are only your own emotions and actions. It is not worth wasting energy to predict his actions. Do not agree to what your ex-husband imposes on you, avoiding possible conflicts and maintaining the illusion of a truce. Imagine that during the divorce, he turns into a difficult business partner with whom you are forced to cooperate and achieve a beneficial result for yourself. From now on, your motto is: "Only the facts and nothing personal."
2. Set clear boundaries
Narcissist, as a person with a high degree of conflict, will try to provoke any, even negative, attention from you. Before the meeting, think over the plan of the conversation in advance and try not to deviate from it. If he starts to translate the topic, to convince you to return, say: “The relationship is over for me, we have different roads. You need to accept it." If he insists, leave.
3. Do not show sincere emotions
First of all, never apologize. The partner will immediately interpret this as a sign of weakness and try to turn it to their advantage by imposing decisions that are contrary to your interests.
Keep a close eye on the moment when you begin to show feelings and emotions (this may be a state of guilt, despair or panic), and tell yourself "Stop." Remember that your goal is a divorce on the most favorable terms for you and the children.
4. Seek support
You should be surrounded by people who fully share your position, who will not try to reconcile the parties in the name of preserving the family. Do not reject the professional help of a psychotherapist and a lawyer. Relatives will be needed not only in a psychologically difficult moment, when it is important that you are listened to. If a partner begins to threaten, negotiate with him only in the presence of a third party.
About the Author: Terry Gaspard is a psychotherapist and bestselling author of Daughters of Divorce.
Wendy Behari Disarm the Narcissist. How to survive and become happy next to an egocentric "
Disarm the Narcissist will help you interact with a narcissist without mutual insults, power battles and pointless arguments - using only empathy and ways to establish boundaries. Psychologist Wendy Behari has been using this approach for over 20 years, and her experience has shown it to be the most effective way to live happily with a narcissist. In the book, you will get to know the different types of narcissists and understand how to communicate with each of them. You will learn why you are drawn to such people (yes, it’s not just that!), and work out your own life patterns.
Text: Sabina Safarova Photo Source: Shutterstock
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Narcissist Power: 9 Steps to Freedom
Man Among PeopleMan and Woman
The feeling of love that we experience at the very beginning of a relationship with a narcissistic personality is experienced much more strongly than in a healthy relationship. The reason is that a narcissist (male or female) floods us with declarations of love almost from the first days, does not tire of admiring, seeking advice, assuring that we are perfection itself, he or she met the best person in his life and is ready for us to all.
This is called "love bombing". Then the tactics change - the narcissist seems to retreat a little, his love confessions become less frequent, calmer, and finally the stormy ocean turns into a meager stream. It is a form of manipulation, control, and conditioning that the narcissist uses to keep us in his power.
There is no doubt that we loved. The only problem is that narcissists cannot love us back.
When communicating with them, it is better to rely on your inner instinct, and not on the strength of your feelings. We tend to get so trapped in our feelings that we lose the ability to hear the alarm bells and red flags that come with a toxic relationship. Narcissists cannot keep a face for long - very soon their facade cracks. But they are masters of their craft and, if you are inexperienced, can easily put you on the hook.
1. Arm yourself with knowledge
The most important and first thing to do to get out of the trap is to learn as much as possible about what narcissistic personality disorder is, how narcissists work, their typical behavior and techniques.
You need to arm yourself with knowledge. Repeat and repeat over and over again. Until you study them properly, you won't be able to free yourself from their toxic hook - narcissists make us feel obligated by playing on our sense of duty, conscientiousness.
Feeling sorry for the narcissist when he or she has you trapped is pointless - they are just using your feelings against you. It is necessary to discard false pity in order to clearly see what you are dealing with.
2. Trust your intuition
Watch yourself - learn to separate feelings and deep inner instinct, intuition. Start trusting your intuition, not your feelings. Associating with a narcissist weakens physical, mental and emotional health because we are trying to understand a person whose behavior contradicts words.
Instead of listening to what they say, watch what they do. Words lie, actions reveal the truth. We really get to know people through their behavior. Words are just a breach of your trust.
You feel sick and exhausted because your mind and body tell you that you are in great danger, but everything seems to be fine (because he or she tells you so). Once again, trust your gut instinct. Become a cold-blooded explorer. Silently observe what is happening.
3. Don't put yourself in their shoes
Go back to where you belong. It's a matter of awareness. Mentally note how difficult it is to do this - these are the consequences of narcissistic processing.
Don't try to guess what they have in mind, imagine their next steps. Putting yourself in their place means trying to understand their motives, justify them, find a reasonable explanation for their behavior, and eventually get bogged down again in the poisonous swamp of their verbal manipulations.
When you catch yourself trying to "get into the narcissist's head," do your best to distract yourself. It's hard and it takes a lot of fortitude not to give in to the brainwashing they put on you to make sure they've taken over all the space inside your head.
4. Ignore messages
For the narcissist, information has no meaning, its only purpose is to suck you into the swamp of manipulation. The task is not to figure out whether to believe or not to believe the words of a narcissist. It is about breaking out of the vicious circle in which you think day and night only about what is connected with the narcissist.
Do not listen or pay attention to the content of the speeches that the narcissist makes. This is their way to take out your brain to draw you into their world and keep you where you always find yourself in the role of bad and guilty. They will keep pushing your boundaries and blowing the fuses that signal you are approaching the boundaries to constantly keep you on your toes, unbalance, disturb your peace.
Trying to find common sense in the speeches of a narcissist is to force your brain to work in a stressful mode, it gradually drives you crazy. Know that no matter what they say, narcissists are seeking some benefit for themselves, no matter how logical or beautiful their words sound. Everything is only about them and for them, and the only desire of a narcissist is that you, too, be only about them and for them. They will do and say anything to keep you trapped in their little fantasy world. Once again: watch what they do (not say).
5. Protect your property and savings
If necessary, start saving money. Remember that they can completely bleed you. Protect everything that is of value to you. Acting from noble feelings and wanting to remain fair, you risk eventually being ruthlessly abandoned without a livelihood.
6. Silence is golden
When we love, we want to share our thoughts and feelings with the person we love — this is natural. But you do not have a loved one, you are dealing with a narcissist who pretends to be your soul mate.
Resist the temptation to tell them everything you think and feel
You can't move them. They use your trust against you. The more open you are, the more guns and knives they have in your back. Narcissists love it when you share. If you have to say something, protect yourself as much as possible - don't tell the whole truth, be neutral, obscure or change the subject.
7. Who are you?
Deal with yourself, what you believe in, what is dearest to you in this world, what you want to live and die for. Otherwise, anyone can convince you of anything. Without knowing ourselves, we cannot set boundaries in a relationship - what we are ready to tolerate and what is categorically not. Strengthen your value system and protect what you hold dear. Then you will know what to do and how to behave, instead of hesitating and bending under the onslaught of someone else's will.
8. Be patient
Continue to observe and analyze. By learning the basic manipulative techniques of narcissists, you will be able to recognize them accurately. This is a great help in the process of freeing yourself from the illusion of "great love to the grave", "faithful" friendship or family idyll that narcissists have played for you.
Liberation does not happen overnight. It's not a sprint, it's a marathon. Be kind and patient with yourself. You learn to act and live in a new way - rethink, clarify yourself and your life principles, move to a new level of relationships with others. Give yourself time to deal with everything that's going on.
9. Feed your soul
Help others, little by little, quietly and anonymously. Say something nice, even to a stranger. Fulfill one of your little wishes, just for yourself. Draw strength from religion if you are a believer. Breathe deeply and remind yourself that one day you will be free and the joy of life will return to you.