How to gain confidence as a man

7 Ways To Increase Your Confidence As A Man | VITAMAN USA

Self-confidence is defined as the ability to trust in one’s skills, qualities, and judgments. In reality, it’s so much more than that:a slippery eel of a concept that some lucky few seem to be born with while others spend a lifetime chasing. With good reason.  

Self-confidence is almost always linked to having a happy and fulfilling life. Confident men are often more resilient, less anxious, and less fearful, which no doubt comes from having a stronger sense of identity and being able to silence that self-defeating inner voice that we all struggle with from time to time.

Now, we’re not talking about being a self-centered loud-mouthed yobbo. We mean the kind of quiet, dignified, and manly self-confidence that attracts the respect and interest of everyone around you. Improved confidence is also the key to developing better relationships because you become less focused on yourself and more intune to what other people need from you.  

Instead of constantly worrying about what others think about you, building up your own self-confidence is a tried and true method for being able to engage with other people in a more genuine way and also make a positive impact in their lives.

But doing this as an adult can be bloody hard. So, let’s take a look at a few tips for how to increase confidence. It’s why you’ve already read this far, isn’t it?

Confidence goes with positive mindset

We’re sure you’ve heard this one quite a bit. After all, nobody likes a negative nelly. It’s just as important to not simply close your ears to the negativity potentially being spoken about and around you as it is to keep that interior monologue in check - with a focus on being happy and supportive versus falling prey to any self-defeating thoughts. 

Positivity also means feeling proud of your accomplishments and actively practicing gratitude every day. If you don’t feel any of this naturally, that’s okay, it doesn’t come easy to everyone. This is especially the case if you were raised around a lot of negativity. 

So, give yourself a well-deserved break! By correcting the negative messages you send yourself, being positive will start to become second nature.


Know and embrace yourself to become more confident

A confident man knows himself deeply. That means he is aware of his strengths but also embraces his flaws with grace. If that self-defeating voice in your head has you so stonkered that you can’t even think of what assets you might possess, sit down and take inventory of what makes you most proud about yourself. 

You can start small. Maybe you always remember to use your turn signal when driving and never forget to floss. Those are things to be proud of! Similarly, a man who accepts his flaws knows exactly what he is capable of and, in many cases, can even use his flaws to his advantage. Our imperfections are actually what make us all unique. 

Let’s be honest, have you ever really met someone without flaws? That, sir, was probably an alien. Better get checked for signs of probing. But truth be told, you’ve probably met someone and felt they were flawless in comparison to you. People sometimes do this as a way of projecting their own insecurities into the world. 

The only person you should ever be comparing yourself to is your past self - to see how much you’ve grown!

Take care of your body

You can’t be confident if you’re letting your body become a deteriorating wreck, so take care of it, mate! Keep up a healthy diet, go to the doctor for regular check-ups, visit the dentist to keep your chompers in tip-top shape, maintain an excellent posture, and be sure to exercise often. 

Treating your body right won’t just make you look better, it will make you feel better, too. And the combination is sure to result in radiating confidence. Just make sure you’re not also radiating powerful BO after that trip to the gym by taking a shower and using a natural deodorant.

Being generous is a sign of a confident man

If you took inventory of all of your strengths like we suggested, then you know you have quite a lot to offer and be proud of. That means it’s time to start giving back! You don’t have to be billionaire Jeff Bezos to do this. 

When you give back to others, whether it’s by volunteering for a non-profit, donating to charity you care about, or buying lunch for a friend, you set off all sorts of endorphins that make you feel good and, you guessed it, increase your confidence, too.

Learning new skills 

One of those ancient Greek philosophy blokes once said, “I know that I know nothing.” A wise man realizes that as he gains knowledge, the true vastness of things that he doesn’t actually know creates a sense of humility that helps draw a deep line in the sand between confidence and arrogance. 

Confident men believe in themselves enough to not be embarrassed to ask questions or admit to not knowing something. This is the key to learning new skills and building knowledge. 

And boy, can we teach you some’ fun crazy facts about all things Aussie right now! Play an instrument, learn a language, study ancient Greek mythology—pretty much anything that can expand your horizon.  

Constant learning keeps the mind young and makes you a more well-rounded ma—and let’s be honest, a well-rounded man is a confident man. 


Set goals

Confident men don’t wander aimlessly through the bush, waiting for life to happen to them. They set goals and push themselves to achieve whatever it is they desire. 

New Years is a great opportunity to start doing that. But truth be told, any day can be New Years for a confident man who’s ready to take life by the horns! 

Make your goals challenging but achievable, so you’re always pushing yourself yet still able to reach the goals you set for yourself.

Well-groomed man appears more confident

What, you thought we weren’t going to mention our raison d'être? If you’re taking care of your body, you have to take care of the window dressings as well. 

Brush your teeth, wash your face, style your hair, and take a moment to make sure you always smell nice and fresh.  

If you’re a complete bogan on square one when it comes to grooming, we’ve got plenty of easy-to-use men’s grooming kits to get you moving in the right direction.

Look at you, mate, you’re ready to take over the world! Just please do it benevolently, you tower of confidence you, because let’s face it, we’ve all been through a lot lately.

15 Ways You Can Become More Confident As A Man. — The Man Effect

Have you ever had the thought, "If only I were more confident as a man then I would get that raise at work, the pretty girl would give me attention, or I would be able to pitch my business idea and find investors."

Let's be honest at some point in life if you probably had some form of thought along those lines. 

The desire and value of confidence is something spread far and wide throughout men. Sure they might not overtly say, "I wish I was more confident." But the thought is there. 

I think before we get into some practical ways for you to grow in confidence as a man it is important to define confidence, that way we are in agreement on the terms of what you are desiring to attain.  

Merriam-Websters Definition: a feeling or consciousness of one's powers or of reliance on one's circumstances.'s Definition: full trust; belief in the powers, trustworthiness, or reliability of a person or thing:

So, now that we have established a baseline for what confidence is let's jump into 15 ways you can become more confident as a man. Be sure to take into consideration as you read through these points you may be strong in some and weak in others. I suggest you find the points you are lacking in the most and start practicing there! Good luck on your journey!

1} Confident men have a vision.

A man of confidence often has a motivation and determination nurtured and developed through an articulate clear vision. This takes skill and time to develop but is a tangible reality for everyone.

Napolean had a vision, and it gave him the confidence to make military maneuvers that caught the world off guard. He had a confidence that empowered him to do the unthinkable all because of his vision.

You might be asking yourself how do I get a vision for my life? This is a difficult question to answer as every person has a different trajectory for their life. I will say this though; I heard Jordan Peterson say something beautiful on this topic, he stated something along the lines of, "If you don't have a vision for your life, lessen suffering of some form or fashion."

I think that is a beautiful foundation for building a vision for your life if you lack direction. Other essential steps you can take are the following.

  • Write down what you want for your future.

  • Think about old dreams and goals and determine if they need to be let go in order to make room for bigger and better dreams.

  • Start taking small steps towards your vision/dream. This will allow you to see if it is realistic and worth fighting for.

  • Be okay with changing what your vision is. This does not mean making it simpler, no, this just means letting it grow and develop just like you have as a human.

  • Do not be ashamed of what you want.

  • Keep your dreams/goals in front of you, weekly and daily.

This is a good starting point to grow in confidence. The dream and vision you possess are like fertilizer for confidence to develop in your life.

2} Confident men know themselves.

Have you ever be halfway through a project and a colleague or co-worker walks up and questions what you are doing and why you are doing it that way. At that moment you will find out if you are confident or not. 

If you know, yourself and the skills you possess this type of questioning will not destabilize you, but if you are insecure, you may react with anger or frustration. This is a sign that you have room to grow in self-confidence and knowing yourself.  

So what are some ways to know yourself or grow in this area?

  • Put the work in. The more repetitions you do, the more confident you become in yourself and your abilities.

  • Take some time to reflect on what your personal strengths and weaknesses are. This will give you the ability to realistically evaluate yourself and give you the confidence to know when you are and are not capable.

  • Ask your friends and colleagues what they view as your strengths and weaknesses. This will empower you and give you confidence when you start seeing patterns of what is said.

  • Take some personality tests. This will teach you how you think and why you think what you think. This is a valuable tool to use when discover one's self.

These are just a few practical ways that I have personally found help a man discover himself. There are many more so if this is an area you want more tips in reach out and let me know. 

3} Confident men take action.

The difference between a confident and insecure man can be as simple as one takes action and the other doesn't. They may both experience the same feelings of fear, apprehension, or anxiety. Yet, the confident man does not let that hold him back. Whereas the insecure man does. 

Confident men take action on a daily basis. This allows them to put the repetitions in to learn that fear, anxiety, and the unknown are all normal feelings that every human experiences and is confronted by. Strengthening the muscle of action empowers you to push through and keep moving forward. 

Here are some practical steps to help you take action daily to help you grow in confidence as a man.

  • Make your bed.

  • Have a workout routine.

  • Do something you don't want to on a regular basis.

  • When you feel fear or anxiety ask yourself why and then if possible make yourself push through it.

  • Create tangible daily projects that build towards your desired goal.

  • Ask yourself if the cost of inaction is worth it.

Those are some simple ways for you to get started on your journey. Do not overwhelm yourself with unrealistic expectations. In order to do this for the long haul, you need to make sure you break things down into simple daily or weekly steps, so you do not burn out. 

4} Confident men have failed.

“The master has failed more times than the beginner has even tried.”
― Stephen McCranie

If you have ever tried to learn anything new, heck if you have tried to learn how to ride a bike, quickly you will realize that in order to attain your goal you will need to be okay with failure. This practical truth is so potent and impactful. If you can stomach this and put it into practice, you will inevitably become a more confident man.  

Men who are able to accept the fact that they will fail can break the power of shame that holds so many humans back from ever trying or attempting to attain the desired goal. When you can embrace failure as proof of action, you will become a more confident man.

Here are a few ways to help you stomach failure. 

  • Be self-aware this will allow you to know when you are letting shame hold you back.

  • Ask yourself if you are not trying something because you are afraid of failing. If this is true ask yourself why you are scared. This will usually disarm the power it has over you.

  • Force yourself to do things that you are horrible at. Learn a new sport, try a board game for the first time, or start a new hobby that you have no knowledge in. This will get you used to not being good at something which lessens the pain of failure.

If you are able to put those few steps into practice, you will be well on your way to being a confident man who is okay with failure.

5} Confident men take care of themselves.

Have you ever met a confident man that had lousy hygiene, was grossly unhealthy, and just possessed a mountain of self-hatred? I doubt it...

A breeding ground for confidence in your life comes from a place of self-care. Confident men take care of themselves because they have self-value. This perpetuates and stimulates self-confidence and growth. On the front end starting this snowball effect may seem daunting but do not let that stop you. Here are a few practical ways you can start taking care of yourself today. 

  • Work on personal hygiene. Brush your teeth, take a shower, clip your fingernails, and/or get your hair cut.

  • Eat healthier food. Start researching what this would look like and find out why it is crucial.

  • Pursue passions or hobbies that make you happy.

  • If you are in a toxic environment at work or where you live, start to make plans on how to get out.

These are some great tips on how to get a jumpstart in the arena of self-care. Once you start going down this path, you will begin to see more areas where you can take care of yourself better. The important thing is to keep doing it! It is a journey, not a one-day event.

6} Confident men push themselves.

Have you ever met an athlete or businessman who has taken an insane risk that just baffles you? It is as though their self-confidence is out of this world! Well, that type of confidence in men comes from the constant pursuit and action of pushing one's self to new limits. 

They did not just wake up one day being able to do that. NO! It was through the constant practice of pushing one's self to new limits. The acceptance of discomfort as a reality, not an inhibitor. 

"Reach for it. Push yourself as far as you can."
- Christa McAuliffe - 

So, you might be asking how can you practically start pushing yourself to new limits? Well, you are in luck I am gonna give you a few pointers.  

  • When you feel uncomfortable, don't run away finish what you were doing.

  • Do the difficult task first.

  • Face one fear a week. Big or small facing a fear will push you to new limits. It could be asking a girl out or going skydiving.

  • Ask yourself why you limit yourself. Dive deep and look into how much you are holding yourself back.

  • Monitor where you have come from. This will encourage you that growth is possible. For example say you start running three times a week. When you start, you probably will suck, but after a few months, things will be different. If you do not know where you came from it will be hard to keep pushing.

Let me know how you are doing on your journey and if you need encouragement in pushing yourself! 

7} Confident men think positive.

A confident man is able to think and focus on the positive. This doesn't mean he ignores or is ignorant of the negative realities that exist. He is just able to decipher that which is positive and negative and focuses in on that which is beneficial to his mental health. 

Focusing in on and obsessing with the negative realities that exist helps no one. Confident men can see the positive, hone in on it, and allow it to empower them to make bold decisive decisions. 

A practical example of this would look like this. A man is out for a run, as he gets a few miles in his body starts to tell him he better stop, he begins to feel his muscles get sore, and shortness of breath. If he were to focus on the negative this man would give up then and allow these realities to stop him from growing and attaining his goal. Whereas a confident man would acknowledge the pain, realize it is not a critical problem, and refocus on his intention of running for 10 minutes longer because he knows this will help him become a stronger runner.

Having the ability to acknowledge negative but focus on the positive is a skill I have observed confident men have. So how you can you focus on the positive more? Well, wouldn't you know it I have a few practical tips for you!

  • The first step is being able to know when you are focusing on the negative. So when you feel stuck or insecure about something ask yourself if you are focusing on the negative. If so adjust your thoughts appropriately.

  • When faced with a difficult situation write out all the positive things that will be the fruits if you choose to keep moving forward.

  • If you particularly struggle with this, I would suggest three to five times a week read out loud the positive things in your life. This will train you to start looking for the positive in life.

Give yourself grace on this journey as retraining your brain to see the positive in life will take time. BUT if you focus on the "positive" (wink wink) outcome, I think it will empower you.  

8} Confident men are generous.

A confident man knows that he has something to offer and is aware of when to give it. Sure, not all confident men are generous, but it is an attribute of some confident men. 

Think about it this way, a man who is not confident in his ability to produce income or take care of himself will not believe he has anything to give. 

I do not have much to say about this category entirely but here are a few tips on how to become more generous. 

  • If you do not have extra money, find a non-profit to donate your time to.

  • Find an elderly neighbor or family member who could use some help around the house and donate some of your time to them.

  • Google and research ways to become more generous.

  • Start small. Buy a friend a drink, or a stranger a coffee. When you do this make sure you don't expect anything back and just smile.

  • Know what you can and cannot give. If you have lots of time but not money give your time, if you have more money than time, figure out ways to give that away.

Small acts like this will help you build self-confidence and strengthen your muscle of generosity. Generous people leave a lasting impact on society and others lives. This is a great attribute to possess as a human being. 

9} Confident men are open to learning.

A man who is open to learning is a man who is confident in himself. Why? Because in order to learn you need sobriety to the reality that you don't know everything. Thus being able to admit when you are wrong and when you do not know something. 

Men who can say, "I don't know, will you explain this to me?" Display an aspect of confidence that can be undervalued. Sure some confident men also know that even though they do not know something they know how to figure it out. I just want to highlight and show you that being able to say you don't know something, and take the time to learn about it shows confidence.  

In consequence of being open to learning and asking for help, you become a well-rounded man who is continuously growing in knowledge. This perpetuates your character and value as a man.

If you want to become more open to learning here are a few things you should keep in mind.

  • You don't know everything.

  • When you don't know something, it is okay to admit it. This does not display weakness.

  • Start to live by the rule, "The day I stop learning is the day I die." This is a valuable and powerful way to fight arrogance.

  • When you catch yourself acting like you don't need help and you know what the other person is talking about, ask yourself why and if you should adjust something.

  • Ask for advice when you are stuck with a problem. Say you have been working on a mechanical issue on your car for hours, why not call your buddy up and see if he has any pointers or tips.

I am sure if this is an area that you struggle with there are other ways you can develop in this area. Just like riding a bike this takes some practice so give yourself some grace and slowly work at it. 

10} Confident men don't need to be heard all the time.

Have you ever been at a social gathering, or a family event and over in the living room there is an older man just chilling, entirely content with just sitting in silence as the chaos of the social gathering ensues around him. He does not have a need to be noticed or heard. 

Or in a business meeting, often times the person who is silent until the very moment when they need to speak is listened to with much higher regard than the blabbering know-it-all co-worker. Why is that? Because the composed man who knows when to and not to talk is a man of confidence, the none stop talker can in situations just be an insecure man who doesn't know how to handle silence or not being heard.  

So, if this is an area of life that you feel you have an opportunity to grow in here are just some starter tips on how to become more confident as a man who doesn't need to be heard all the time.

  • The next time you are in a social or business gather, just be silent. I mean talk to people, ask questions, and engage. But, only say what needs to be said... NO HAMBURGER HELPER. Like, don't add a bunch of fluff to the conversation.

  • When you feel yourself blabbering more than a teenage girl ask yourself why you are doing so. Is it because you are insecure? Does silence make you uncomfortable? Why?

  • See how long you can go without having to say something. Make it a game.

  • Observe how people react when you only say what needs to be said.

These practical pointers should get you going down the path of development in self-confidence when it comes to when and when not to speak. This can be a powerful tool to use in business and life in general. I hope you put it to use.

11} Confident men are perseverant.

"Great works are performed not by strength but by perseverance." 
~ Samuel Johnson ~

A man of great impact is a man who is perseverant. In the I-want-it-now western culture, many of us are immersed in; perseverance has become an undervalued commodity. There are many who have financially benefited merely because they just chose not to give up. Many of the men that have impacted and inspired me have possessed the golden quality of perseverance. 

This attribute is grown and developed through to main factors.

  1. Having an articulated vision for what they want in life.

  2. The hunger to see the vision fulfilled.

Finding that vision and hunger can be difficult but the more you fight for it, the more perseverant and devoted you will become. In some ways, you start to become obsessed. To grow in perseverance here are some useful suggestions that can start you on your journey.

  • Finish what you start. Like, make it a personal rule that you stick by. This also means you don't start things you are not willing to finish.

  • Start with simple things that you do all the way through. Maybe it is building a bookshelf, or reading a book. Get small wins and slowly grow in what you are challenging yourself to do.

  • Focus on and develop your vision, the more you see, taste, and can hear the desired outcome you will be able to push through discomfort.

  • Get around other people who are perseverant.

If you do these simple suggestions, I know your life will slowly start to shift for the better.

12} Confident men ask questions.

This one ties together with point #9 & #10 so make sure you check those out.

How does asking questions show confidence? Because if you ask questions, you are showing that you do not have a need to be heard and you are open to learning. It also shows interest and engagement. You are present in that moment rather than consumed by what is going on in your headspace. The ability to ask good questions presents you as a confident individual. This is a subtle confidence, and most don't overtly pick up on it, but it is a contributing factor to confidence.

So, the next time you feel yourself wanting to disengage from a conversation or want to systematically destroy some naive youngling in a heated argument force yourself to ask a question instead. 

Here are a couple of methods you can use to increase the ability to ask questions.

  • This is one of my favorites ask this, "What do you mean?"

  • When someone makes a statement, and you are not entirely sure what they just said ask them to clarify or say it differently.

  • Rather than making a statement that will make you sound intelligent, ask a question instead.

  • Observe and see how people act differently around you when you choose to ask questions rather than make statements.

Try these out. You may succeed or fail. That is okay as long as you ask yourself why and learn from your experiences. Then rinse and repeat. 

13} Confident men are not people pleasers.

There is a difference between a man takes care of those whom he loves and those whom he wants to control. A people pleaser is out to control those around him, a man who has empathy is out to love those around him.

A man of confidence is consumed with empathy. He knows when there is someone in need around him and he takes action. He is okay with if everyone does not like him, or think he is the best thing since sliced bread. 

Practically this looks like a man who has a business with an amazing vision when his employees start to get jealous of the revenue the company starts to bring in he notices this and clearly communicates his expectations of his employees what they have agreed to contractually, even though this may not make them happy, there is a mutual respect because the boss displayed his confidence by confronting the issue head-on and did not waiver.  

Here are some stupid natural ways to fight being a people pleaser. 

  • Do a self-audit. See if you find yourself changing your stance on issues or beliefs when different people are around. This is a golden sign that you have some people pleaser in you.

  • The next time you are around someone who you dislike ask yourself why you try to make them like you. Is it because you want to control them? Or is because the situation calls for it.

  • Learn how to say, "No." This will be a powerful tool when killing the people-pleasing side of yourself.

Take all of this with a grain of salt. This one needs to be done tactfully. Don't go around yelling at people the second you realize you don't like them. This point is for men who struggle with being pushovers and people pleasers. You have what it takes to grow in this area, just take your times and acknowledge each victory as they come.

14} Confident men are not agreeable.

A confident man knows when to stand his ground. This means at some points in life that he has to say no, or not go with the crowd. This is built on the last point of not being a people pleaser. A confident man is a man of conviction and sticks to it. Other perceive this as confidence and strength. 

History is painted with the blood of men who chose to stand for their convictions. Some died, and some lived. I mean think about Martin Luther and his 95 theses. He stood against a huge organization by being disagreeable. 

So, to grow in confidence becoming a man who is not always agreeable should be on your list. Here is how you can do so. 

  • Have values and morals to live by. Stick to these.

  • Be willing to stand up for what you believe in.

  • Know when to say no.

  • When you disagree with someone, say so politely.

  • Develop and grow your self-worth. This will empower you to stand up for yourself in hard times.

At this point, it is still important to have respect for other human beings while practicing being disagreeable. There will be times when you go too far, and you will need to practice self-awareness during this process, but do not let this hold you back. I am not commissioning you to be an ass-hole, no, I am empowering you to live with conviction and fervor. Good luck. 

15} Confident men know how to listen.

A man who is confident in himself has learned how to listen intently to those speaking. He is not insecure about the need to be heard. No, he listens intently, asks questions, and engages in conversation. 

He has bold engaging eye contact, and inviting body language. He is able to make any other human feel heard and important. When you are secure in yourself listening comes naturally because the spotlight does not always need to be on you.  

Here are three ways for you to grow in becoming a better listener. 

  1. Ask engaging questions.

  2. Don't allow distractions to stop you from listening. Actively engage in eye contact and do not let a TV or Cell phone impede this.

  3. Repeat back to the person you are talking to what you heard them say. This will indicate to them that you are listening and care.

If you practice those three simple steps your listening skills will highly benefit. I hope you put them to good use.

Also if you prefer to watch a youtube video I went through all fifteen points and talk shortly about each one.

I hope you find these 15 ways you can become more confident as a man useful! Let me know how your journey is going!!

With Regards,


tags: Confidence, Masculinty, How to be more confident. , Confident men.

categories: Advice

8 ways to regain the trust of a loved one when it seems that everything is already lost / Bright Side

Ideal relationships, like ideal people, do not exist. 23% of men and 19% of women admitted to cheating on their partners. But other data are of greater interest. Of those couples who turn to a psychologist for help after infidelity, 70% stay together. In this article, we will tell you how to work on relationships in order to regain the trust of a partner.

ADME has collected the advice that psychologists most often give to couples who have experienced betrayal and decided to keep the relationship, no matter what. Both men and women change, so the advice will be useful for both partners in a pair. nine0003

1. Do not try to lessen the pain caused by the deed

It is very important for a deceived person to know how things really were. When you are sincerely trying to answer questions, you may or may not knowingly withhold some details or limit yourself to general answers. And at the same time, you will consider that you did not lie.

Your partner will feel that something is being hidden from him. And some details will come up over time, and this will turn the life of the one who was deceived into a nightmare. Collecting everything that happened bit by bit, he will constantly keep in his head a picture of a terrible betrayal, and his life will turn into hell. nine0003

But avoiding talking about what happened is not the best solution either. There is no need to hide or understate anything. To get through this difficult stage, you need to experience the worst and feel the pain, otherwise healing will not come. Do not try to minimize suffering, because the best medicine in this case is time.

2. Tell the whole truth and a little more

Trust in relationships is a very fragile thing. If you were once caught in a lie, the best strategy is to tell your loved one the whole truth. nine0006

Practicing psychologist Robert Weiss notes that the only way to restore trust is to make full transparency a mandatory part of your relationship. And this applies to even the smallest things. If you are going to a bar with a friend, tell your soulmate so. There is no need to come up with more "harmless" locations in which you are supposedly located.

3. Do not go on the attack

Those who want to earn trust will have a hard time. Listening to negative remarks and comments addressed to him will become his daily reality at the beginning of the journey, and this needs to be experienced by both partners. nine0003

Don't go on the attack. When you say "You yourself are not an angel", you are trying to justify yourself, and this is a normal psychological defense reaction. But think what it can give you. The anger of your loved one is understandable. Do not say unpleasant things to him in response if the goal is to save the relationship, not destroy it.

4. Give up the roles of the defendant and the accuser

When the worst thing - the confession of deceit - is over, the most difficult stage begins. nine0005 If you decide to stay together, you should not play the role of the defendant and the accuser. This behavior does not build trust, it does the exact opposite.

The "Accuser" will try to take out his anger, and he will come up with more and more quests and tasks for the one who has lost his trust. The "defendant" will try to get an indulgence, and his anger will also accumulate as the attempts end in nothing.

The best solution in this case is to remain calm and directly tell your partner that you are ready to atone for guilt, but constant reproaches and mentions of it will not help in this. nine0003

5. Don't draw other people in.

The decision to stay together after the betrayal was made by both of you, and the responsibility for this lies only with the two of you. That is why you should not involve other people in the process of sorting out the relationship, whether they are friends, relatives or your own children.

This applies both to the one who committed betrayal and to the one who decided to find the strength to forgive him. Talk about what happened should be conducted only in pairs, without outside interference, condemnation and sympathy. nine0006 Psychotherapist Joe Court is sure that the only person who can be third in such conversations is a family psychologist.

6. Give your partner more access

Let your partner into completely private corners: social networks, SMS on the phone, calls. If you decide to be honest, then you still have nothing to hide. Such a step will help your partner calm down, trust you more.

Over time, a deceived person will realize that constant checks are not needed. And when trust in the couple is restored, they will stop. nine0003

7. Do Symbolic Actions

Dr. Jim Walkop, a marriage counselor in New York City, advises his clients who come to him with a desire to survive infidelity or any other betrayal to do symbolic actions. It could be something that gave both of you joy when you first started dating and were happy.

You can go to the cinema for the last screening or a walk in the park, feed the swans on the pond. During such studies, one should refrain from accusations and not remember what happened. nine0006 This will help to accumulate more positive shared memories.

For fans of extreme sports, there are other options: go on a trip, move to another city or country. This is also a strong emotional shake-up, which both should perceive as a starting point from which the relationship begins anew.

8. Don't expect immediate forgiveness

Don't expect forgiveness to come instantly, and don't put pressure on your partner. It is unlikely that this will lead to anything other than new outbreaks of negativity. nine0005 The best thing to do is to start listening to your partner's feelings and needs. The pain he feels is very strong, it simply cannot stop in one moment. This is fine.

Deciding to maintain a relationship after a betrayal, both in a couple must be prepared for the fact that everything will not be the same as before and at first it will be very difficult. Still, the statistics showing that 70% of couples stay together after family therapy is reassuring.

Have you experienced betrayal in a relationship and have you been able to restore trust with your loved one? Share in the comments. nine0003

Bright Side/Psychology/8 ways to regain the trust of a loved one when everything seems to be lost

3 most reliable ways to gain trust in a person Scientists have not yet given a clear definition of trust. We understand it as a positive relationship between people, containing confidence in the decency and goodwill of each other. So, in order to gain confidence in a person, one should be decent and friendly.

However, the possession of these qualities in itself does not guarantee that you will be blindly trusted. Certain communication skills are required, including verbal and non-verbal techniques, to gain trust. nine0003

1 - make eye contact

A short look directly into the eyes of the interlocutor creates a positive impression. If you want to inspire confidence in someone, look them in the eyes. Hold your gaze for 1-2 seconds, no more, since longer eye contact is perceived as aggression, an invasion of personal space and an attempt to ingratiate yourself.

Having sent a friendly signal in this way, accompany it with a slight smile. If you smile back, the first step towards rapprochement has been taken. nine0003

To enter into trust - to incline to one's side, to arrange, to enter into mercy. (S.I. Ozhegov). When they try to do the same with the help of cunning or flattery, it indicates that a person wants to ingratiate himself.

2 - show sincere interest

To gain trust, it is important to be genuinely interested in the other person. Absolutely everyone likes signs of attention to their own person, and this rule works flawlessly.

nine0002 If you talk only about yourself, then it is unlikely that anything will work out. It is necessary to ask questions to the opponent about himself, about his problems and aspirations. Then he will almost certainly be happy to continue the conversation.

3 - always keep promises

This is one of the most important conditions for mutual trust - to do what is promised. Regardless of how global the promise was. Even a little thing, not done on time, can undermine your credibility and destroy the foundation of a relationship. nine0003

Anyone appreciates a reliable shoulder to lean on. If you really cannot do what you promised, explain the reason and suggest another way out of the situation. Promise something else, e.g.

Attention! Remember - what seems to be an insignificant trifle for you, for another can be not only significant, but sometimes decisive. And if he fails to achieve what he wants through your fault, it will be a big disappointment. Realize the importance of the subject before breaking a promise. nine0003

What promotes and harms trust



Manner of speech

Failure to fulfill obligations, breaking promises

The speaker's argument

Spreading rumors, slander

Appearance (tidiness, first of all, clean clothes, pleasant smell or lack thereof)

Intentionally misleading a person (deception, in other words)

Social status, competence, authority

Use of interests, resources, aspirations to achieve goals hostile to this person

Environment (a pleasant atmosphere contributes to gaining a person’s trust - for example, in a fitness club, cafe)

Behavior inappropriate for the situation nine0003

How to win a man's trust

1 - respect and love yourself

For a man to trust you, just be yourself. Do not try to embellish yourself and look better than you really are, but do not belittle your dignity either. Show that you are an interesting person, look for common interests and discuss these topics.

2 - try to please his friends

A woman can gain trust and fall in love with a man through his friends. The chances of reciprocity increase if friends appreciate it. At the beginning of a relationship, a man shows not only interest, but also caution, looking at his chosen one. His close friends will help him establish himself in the choice by expressing their opinion. nine0003

3 - speak the right words

In the psychology of interpersonal relationships, words are of great importance. To inspire a man's trust, tell him:

  • you are the best;
  • I feel so good with you;
  • I like the way you care;
  • you know how to make me laugh;
  • only you understand me, etc.

How to gain a child's trust - tips for parents

The main problem of modern children is the lack of parental attention. Not receiving proper care and understanding, children feel lonely, often withdraw into themselves and eventually move away from their parents more and more.

The lack of communication cannot be filled with expensive toys or permissiveness. It will not work to arouse the trust of the child without devoting enough time to him. If he stays with his grandmother or other relatives more often, then he will feel affection for them to a greater extent than for his parents. nine0003

The more time a parent spends with a child, the stronger the emotional bond between them becomes.

To gain the trust of the child, it is necessary to be more willing to communicate. He must feel that there is a person nearby to whom he can tell about his fears or victories, impressions and conclusions.

Case study: The mother of 13-year-old Sofya turned to a psychologist with a complaint about her daughter's defiant behavior. “She withdrew into herself, almost does not talk about her life, does not share news. When he comes home, he locks himself in his room and demands that no one enter without knocking. Sonya has ceased to be interested in family affairs and does not always answer questions about where she was and what she did. During the consultation, the doctor, having analyzed the situation, gave a number of recommendations on how to regain confidence in her daughter, and what to do for this. nine0003

It is communication and joint activities - games, walks, visits to cultural and entertainment institutions - that are the key to trusting relationships in the family.

However, you need to communicate properly. Show respect for the feelings, interests and experiences of the child, do not discount them or make it clear that his addictions are less important than yours.

It is important to inspire that you are ready to accept the child as he is, along with failures and problems. Never laugh at his desires, even if they really cause laughter. nine0003

Avoid making fun of your children and never embarrass them in front of strangers.

You can build trust by helping your child build relationships with peers. If for some reason they do not add up, or if it is not possible to join the team in any way, parents need to provide timely assistance to the child. Ask him why there was a misunderstanding and suggest a solution to the problem. The participation of mom and dad greatly contributes to the establishment of really close, trusting relationships. nine0003

One of my clients once said, "I'd rather kill cockroaches in my daughter's room than lose her in a fight over cleaning." He talked about losing his daughter's trust. If you are unable to build a trusting relationship with your child, counseling with a psychologist can help. Our specialists work around the clock, consult remotely, by phone.


What is the golden rule of friendship? nine0003


If you want to gain trust, make your interlocutor rise in your own eyes - this is the rule. Focusing on another person is not easy, because we are all naturally egocentric and think that the world revolves around our personality. After a dialogue with you, the interlocutor should feel more respect for himself, and then you will get the result of using the golden rule of friendship. You will achieve location and inspire confidence. nine0003

Why do people who tilt their heads when talking seem more friendly and endearing to the other person?


When the head is tilted to the side, a person shows the carotid artery, the rupture of which is fatal. In moments of danger, if something threatens life, people instinctively pull their heads into their shoulders, hiding the carotid artery from strangers. In safe situations, they, on the contrary, open the neck and thereby inspire confidence. Therefore, they seem to be more open, inviting, compared to those who keep their heads straight. nine0003

What are the signs of trust?


The main sign is loyalty. It's not just about a girl's loyalty to her boyfriend. It is a willingness to interact and exchange confidential information, as well as certain special actions between people.

How do you know if you can't earn trust?


One of the signs that the interlocutor is experiencing discomfort in communication is his desire to isolate himself. If the conversation is at the table, he can put a book, phone, menu on the table. Arms crossed on the chest also serve as a signal that the entrance to the trust is ordered. A person who sincerely wants to communicate will push back barriers - he will put the menu on the edge of the table, and move the dishes there. nine0003


Think about those whom you have known for a long time - relatives, acquaintances, friends and colleagues. Which of them do you appreciate more than others, with whom do you feel most comfortable? Most likely, such a person will be the one who cares about you the most and is sincerely interested in your life. It is care that allows you to achieve a really high level of relationships.

We publish only verified information nine0003

Article author

Monakhova Albina Petrovna clinical psychologist

Experience 17 years

Consultations 1439

Articles 292

Specialist in clinical psychology. Help in finding tools for self-realization, working out beliefs, fears and anxieties.

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