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How to cope with extreme loneliness


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  • SAMHSA’s National Helpline is a free, confidential, 24/7, 365-day-a-year treatment referral and information service (in English and Spanish) for individuals and families facing mental and/or substance use disorders.

    Also visit the online treatment locator.

SAMHSA’s National Helpline, 1-800-662-HELP (4357) (also known as the Treatment Referral Routing Service), or TTY: 1-800-487-4889 is a confidential, free, 24-hour-a-day, 365-day-a-year, information service, in English and Spanish, for individuals and family members facing mental and/or substance use disorders. This service provides referrals to local treatment facilities, support groups, and community-based organizations.

Also visit the online treatment locator, or send your zip code via text message: 435748 (HELP4U) to find help near you. Read more about the HELP4U text messaging service.

The service is open 24/7, 365 days a year.

English and Spanish are available if you select the option to speak with a national representative. Currently, the 435748 (HELP4U) text messaging service is only available in English.

In 2020, the Helpline received 833,598 calls. This is a 27 percent increase from 2019, when the Helpline received a total of 656,953 calls for the year.

The referral service is free of charge. If you have no insurance or are underinsured, we will refer you to your state office, which is responsible for state-funded treatment programs. In addition, we can often refer you to facilities that charge on a sliding fee scale or accept Medicare or Medicaid. If you have health insurance, you are encouraged to contact your insurer for a list of participating health care providers and facilities.

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No, we do not provide counseling. Trained information specialists answer calls, transfer callers to state services or other appropriate intake centers in their states, and connect them with local assistance and support.

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Last Updated: 08/30/2022

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How to cope with loneliness? | Helpline 8-800-2000-122

24.02.2021

Psychologists of the Children’s Helpline often hear in conversation with subscribers: “I am very lonely, there is no one to talk heart to heart with”, “nobody needs me, all alone”, “I don’t have friends”, “I’m very bored and lonely, something must be wrong with me”, “My parents don’t understand me, they only care about studies and grades, they don’t care what’s in my soul.”

We support you and help you understand that you should not perceive loneliness as an unambiguously negative state or as a sentence for life. Everyone, even the happiest person, experiences the feeling of uselessness and inner emptiness from time to time, and this happens especially often in adolescence. This is a temporary stage that helps you understand yourself, become stronger and more resilient.

There are two ways to get rid of loneliness: accept this feeling and switch to useful activities, or learn to build relationships with people in a new way.

Change your mood

There is an interesting definition of loneliness - it is the underside of freedom and only your time. And yet - the opportunity to pause and understand yourself, to spend time with personal benefit. Many people sometimes like to "go into their own shell", take up a hobby and take a break from people, disconnecting from the hustle and bustle, other people's opinions and assessments. It is also an opportunity to heal wounds, to analyze mistakes. In addition, philosophical thoughts about life and a feeling of loneliness are signs of growing up.

Make good use of your free time

Do something that will make you interesting and attractive to others. Any relationship begins with interest and sympathy, and for this you need to know a lot of things, get involved in something and be an interesting conversationalist. Instead of sad thoughts and self-pity, think over a plan for your development and start implementing it: dancing, sports, music, 3d modeling, design, drawing, blogging, photography, foreign languages, virtual travel, pet. Or maybe you’ll make a video or launch a “31 Days of Solitude: What to do and be positive?” challenge in which you share ideas on how to solve this problem. And if the topic captivates you, then there will definitely be those who will gladly share this hobby with you.

Be independent

“Water doesn't flow under a lying stone” – folk wisdom says. Take the initiative and get down to business without relying on anyone: start learning a new hobby, for example, dancing, street quests, gather a team to participate in quizzes, become a volunteer or head of the class, prepare a report for a class hour or take a creative assignment to take home. By discussing your undertakings with peers and a teacher, you can find like-minded people.

Review your requirements for people

Perhaps you expect more from your peers and acquaintances than they can give you. Of course, I want understanding, support, trust, but not everyone is ready to meet halfway or infringe on themselves in some way. Trust and desire to help arise in the process of common affairs or joint hobbies.

Any communication involves compromises, concessions, respect for other people's interests and opinions. At the same time, it is important to learn how to defend your interests, to yield in everything is not the best option.

Talk to parents

If you find it difficult to get along with your parents, try talking to them about it. Be honest about what worries you and what makes you feel lonely. Parental support is very important - this is your rear. The thought that there is someone to rely on will make you more confident. A confidential and sincere conversation will help adults understand that you have your own opinions and interests.

Excessive parental care leads to conflicts and misunderstandings. If it seems that this is your case, express your thoughts to your relatives. Tactfully and respectfully.

There are no telepaths around you, and even your parents don't always understand your feelings and needs. Therefore, do not hesitate to speak directly about them and show what is important to you: “Mom, I want you to be interested not only in math grades, but also in what is happening in my class. By the way, I need your advice: what to do if ... ".

Find those who need you and take the first step

Behind the phrase “I don't need anyone” often, in addition to resentment and despair, there is a lack of readiness to directly state that you lack communication, support and attention. The feeling that no one needs you is not the same as reality. There will always be someone who is ready to listen, but for this you need to be active yourself and take the first step. Perhaps there are those around you who are more shy than you. Be the first to start an acquaintance or conversation, offer to do something together, or at least ask about something. You can wait forever for people to satisfy your needs. Be independent. Take action.

If it is still difficult for you to show initiative, first try to write in your diary about what you expect from specific people, what you lack. It will be useful to analyze at what moments you feel especially lonely: “I feel lonely when…”

As you know, it is useless to run away from loneliness, and, in fact, there is nowhere. It remains only to learn to accept it and fill it with what is important to you. And it depends only on you whether it will pass with a “-” sign or will provide an opportunity to qualitatively improve relations with yourself and loved ones.

You will never be alone if this state becomes a time of freedom, movement forward or the search for true friendship. You can always discuss your steps along the way with the psychologists of the Children's Helpline 8 800 2000 122.

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For a long time it was believed that loneliness is something bad, and people who prefer an evening alone are not of this world. In recent years, with the growth of awareness, attention to their feelings, people are beginning to rethink this feeling.

We talk about what loneliness is, how it affects people and what is the difference between loneliness and solitude.

What is loneliness?

This is a condition in which a person feels isolated from society. It may have real prerequisites in the form of a lack of communication, but a person may feel lonely, even having friends and communicating with a large number of people. According to this principle, two main types of loneliness can be distinguished: physical and spiritual.

During the pandemic, the problem of loneliness and isolation has become even more acute - people lack real communication, but there is a difference between being alone and feeling alone.

This condition can manifest itself in the form of anxiety, apathy, and also be the cause of social isolation: the longer a person exists without communication, the harder it is for him to return.

About a quarter of Americans admit to feeling lonely, and young people are more likely to experience this feeling than people over 50 years old.

According to 2017 data, people aged 35 feel the most lonely. Recently, scientists have been inclined to think that the loneliness curve resembles a bell: the least of all this condition torments children and the elderly.

Hikikomori are people who have chosen social isolation, most often they do not leave the house, so as not to even intersect with people. Initially, this phenomenon was specific to Japan and affected about 2% of young people, but now this practice is spreading around the world.

Man is a social being, no matter how banal this phrase may seem, and when we are isolated from society, our reptilian brain perceives this as a threat. Previously, man could not survive without people, but in recent decades this has changed. We have the opportunity to work from home, order groceries and food delivery - no need to contact for this. Someone refuses to communicate, there are those who refuse to build a family and make close friends, but not everyone suffers from this.

Philosophers do not stand aside and also consider the causes of the appearance, features and influence of loneliness on people. Moreover, society and its tendencies influence the sense of self. The rising pace of life, overpopulation, emancipation and the consumer society all affect people's desire to be alone.

How does loneliness affect health?

Due to the fact that the human body is not accustomed to loneliness, isolation is perceived as something painful. This condition is associated with increased levels of the stress hormone, inflammatory processes in the body, reduced immunity, and an altered perception of reality.

Scientists have studied the brains of lonely people and found that they tend to perceive the world around them as a more dangerous place.

The stress hormone cortisol is also elevated in those who are outside of society, and lonely people are more likely to suffer from chronic diseases.

Often depression and depressive conditions go hand in hand with feelings of loneliness, but it cannot be said that isolation leads to the development of depression.

However, according to some researchers, inflammation and disease may be caused by stress rather than isolation itself.

In addition to the fact that the stress of loneliness negatively affects the body, it often correlates with bad habits. So, compared to those who never felt lonely, lonely people were more likely to smoke and less likely to play sports.

In its extreme manifestations, social deprivation leads to the appearance of hallucinations, anxiety - the brain tries to complete the reality for us. This was established through an experiment on volunteers who needed to spend two weeks in complete isolation - after a week, the participants could no longer continue to participate and stopped it.

American scientists are trying to solve this problem and are working on a cure for loneliness.

It should suppress the increased tension of the brain in a state of loneliness and discomfort from this state. To do this, the researchers observed how neurosteroids, as well as oxytocin, the trust hormone, act on people. They admit that this will not save us from feeling abandoned, but it can minimize the negative impact on the body.

Is it necessary to fight loneliness?

It is difficult to unequivocally answer the question of whether it is worth fighting loneliness. Someone thinks that this state is a signal that something is going wrong, for someone it is a useful practice for creative self-development, and someone sees longing that kills people in loneliness.

For example, Jean-Paul Sartre, a representative of existential philosophy, believed that we all live our lives alone and are doomed to take responsibility for ourselves.

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