Emotionally stunted woman

Know The Signs and How to Deal With It

Written by WebMD Editorial Contributors

Medically Reviewed by Dan Brennan, MD on October 25, 2021

In this Article

  • Signs of Emotional Immaturity
  • How to Prevent Emotional Immaturity From Affecting Your Mental Health
  • Get Professional Help

Maturity means that a person, animal, or plant has reached their final stage of growth. Someone who hasn’t reached that stage is immature. That’s easy to understand when it comes to physical development, but what does it mean to be emotionally immature?

The American Psychological Association defines emotional maturity as “a high and appropriate level of emotional control and expression.” Emotional immaturity, on the other hand, is “a tendency to express emotions without restraint or disproportionately to the situation.”. In other words, emotional behavior that is out of control or not appropriate to the situation can be considered immature. It’s more like the emotional reactions you might expect to see from a child than from an adult.

Signs of Emotional Immaturity

People who are emotionally immature don’t meet society's expectations for social behavior within their age range. It’s safe to assume that a grown-up will be able to consider their impact on others and pay attention to their feelings. Emotionally mature people can accept criticism and learn from it. Adults with emotional maturity can think about and plan for the future as well. People with emotional immaturity, however, struggle with these things.

Emotionally immature people lack certain emotional and social skills and have trouble relating to other adults. Some behaviors can be a signal that you’re dealing with an emotionally immature person:

Impulsive behavior. Children are often impulsive. They speak out of turn or touch things that they shouldn’t touch. They say things without thinking about how they’ll affect other people. Over time, people learn not to do those things. Emotionally immature adults haven’t learned to curb their impulses. They act in unpredictable or antisocial ways.

Demanding attention. Young children get bored when people don’t pay attention to them. They’ll do things to draw the focus back to themselves, even if that means acting out in negative ways. Emotionally immature adults often do the same. They might not act out in negative ways, but they may inject themselves into conversations or crack inappropriate jokes to get everyone’s attention.

Name-calling and bullying. In general, adults don’t resort to schoolyard tactics when they relate to other adults. You seldom see two adults calling each other mean names. Someone who behaves like a mean kid in school is not using mature emotional tactics. Instead, they are relying on childlike displays of temper.

Avoidance. Emotionally immature people may not have a good sense of the future or how to plan for it. Refusing to take on significant responsibilities like committed relationships, careers, or investments like homeownership are signs of avoiding responsibility. People like this might let others take care of them way beyond the point that they should be self-sufficient. This is sometimes called Peter Pan syndrome, after the fictional character who never wanted to grow up. 

Narcissism. An essential facet of maturity is the ability to think about other people’s needs and feelings. Immature people only appear to care about themselves. They dislike compromise and don’t want to take other people’s ideas into account. They always want to have their own way.

How to Prevent Emotional Immaturity From Affecting Your Mental Health

If you’re trying to navigate a relationship with an emotionally immature person, there are a few things you can do to ease the situation. When you work to resolve the situation, you can prevent a negative impact on your mental health and relieve some stress.

Communicate. Talking honestly but sensitively about their behavior is one way to start. You can point out how their words or actions made you feel and ask them to be more sensitive in the future. You may need to repeat that conversation more than once. It takes time to learn new emotional patterns.

Be positive. When the person behaves in ways that seem mature and genuine, praise them for it. Positive reinforcement is a strong tool for encouraging growth. Parents often do this to encourage certain behaviors in young children. Adults will respond positively to praise as well.

Adjust. You can also try to adjust your own expectations, within reason, of course. Not everyone will change, but you can change how you respond to people. You can learn their patterns and find ways to work around the problem behaviors. 

Get Professional Help

You may not be able to smooth out a relationship with an emotionally immature person on your own. If that’s the case, look for someone who can help through it. A family counselor or couples therapist can help you and your loved one learn to relate in more positive ways.

If the emotionally immature person in your life is a co-worker, try speaking to someone in human resources about the situation. They might be able to help you find more constructive ways to work together.

People can grow and change. If someone you care about is emotionally immature, you may be able to help them learn to behave more like an adult. If they don't want to change, speak to a counselor about how to care for yourself while dealing with an emotionally immature person. 

15 Signs of Emotional Immaturity in a Woman

In this article we will talk about some warning signs of emotional immaturity in a woman.

We assign a lot of words to other people, particularly women. 

We label them as narcissists, we call them crazy

And we judge their value based on their appearance, sexual behaviors, and dating history.  

Misogyny is one reason, but the other is that pop psychology doesn’t always factor in actual psychology, or the study of human behavior. 

When we better understand why people do what they do, we develop more compassion for them. Perhaps, the behaviors we call selfish or narcissistic are simply signs of emotional immaturity. 

What is Emotional Immaturity?

Immaturity can be physical, mental, and even social. There are so many ways we can be underdeveloped and lack maturity. Emotional immaturity is a category all its own.

When we’re emotionally immature, we find it difficult to express and regulate our own emotions.

Rather than being in control of our emotions, our emotions are in control of us.

They’re the scapegoat for our behaviors and a key sign of emotional immaturity. 

While it’s easy to judge, we’ve all been there. We have to be immature before we develop into maturity. Think about that.

Consider a time when our lack of knowledge, understanding, or growth impacted the way we behaved.

It’s cringe-worthy, is it not? We all have those moments, and I am no exception. 

15 Signs of Emotional Immaturity in a Woman

I think sometimes of being a 30-something-year-old woman dating for the first time after my divorce. I’d met my ex-husband at 19, and I hadn’t dated much before that.

Even though I was in my thirties, some of my dating behaviors had the maturity of the 19-year-old. 

It’s embarrassing to think of now, but I had a steep learning curve ahead of me. I didn’t know how to be a dating adult. I didn’t know how to handle casual relationships, much less regular ones.

But I learned. Through embarrassment. Through experience. And through mistakes and trying again. I learned.

If you recognize yourself in these signs, you can, too.

1. She Shows Her Feelings Rather Than Talks About Them

One of the signs of emotional immaturity in a woman is she’s really good at showing her emotions. The only thing is she’s not so good at communicating directly about them.

Instead, she favors passive-aggressive communication, the silent treatment, slammed doors, and glares from across the room.

She’s the woman who sighs heavily instead of simply stating that she’s disappointed and why. 

Her behavior is characterized by reacting rather than responding to the world around her. She struggles with articulating her emotions directly — or doesn’t even try. 

2. She Prefers to Cut and Run Rather Than Handle Stress

Emotional immaturity can also come in another form — the woman who would rather break up than figure out how to make up.

She’d much rather cut and run than figure out how to handle stress another way. When complications come along, she’s out.

It’s easy to make judgments here, but sometimes, this behavior has more to do with coping skills than anything else — or rather, the lack of coping skills.

Often, the woman who cannot handle stress has limited ways of coping with it.

She’s not emotionally capable of handling the stressors in her life — although she could develop this capacity. She may be doing the best she can for her level of growth in that moment.

3. She Doesn’t Compromise

Emotionally immature women don’t compromise. They think that sacrifices should be made to accommodate them.

They may even have a hard time putting themselves in the other person’s shoes at all.

This “my way or the highway” attitude can damage relationships.

It can end romantic relationships and friendships alike. The one-sided nature of a relationship with an emotionally immature woman takes its toll.

4. She Feels Entitled

If you’ve ever met a “Karen”, you likely recognize the signs of emotional immaturity. The set of behaviors our society has named “Karen” include weaponized privilege and a sense of entitlement.

She thinks the world and everyone in it owe her something.

Does that sound familiar? If you’ve ever met a child, you might recognize this attitude.

Their perception is that the world revolves around them, and when things don’t go their way, they assume it’s unfair.

Their entitlement creeps into all their interactions because they still have the immature mentality of childhood.

5. She Demands Attention

Another common red flag a woman is emotional immature is she demands attention rather than asking for it.

She’s the partner who doesn’t want you to spend time with friends or family, the person who expects her friends to drop everything to be there for her at any hour.

She doesn’t ask for what she wants. She demands and expects it.

If her verbal demands fail, she’ll switch to other ways of demanding attention with her appearance and behavior. She will not be ignored.

This Petty Betty behavior might seem annoying, but it’s a sign that her emotions are in the driver’s seat and she’s yet to learn how to manage them. 

6. She Takes Everything Personally

One of the main signs of emotional immaturity in a woman is she takes other people’s behaviors personally.

The emotionally immature woman assumes every action and reaction is in direct response to her presence.  

The bad attitude of the acquaintance she ran into at the store is attributed to a personal dislike rather than the other person being in a bad mood or in a hurry.

The romantic relationship that didn’t work out must be due to some deficiency in her character or her inability to choose good partners — not an honest effort that simply ended with the realization they were incompatible. 

Recommended read: 10 Signs of a Toxic Girlfriend – And How to Deal with Her

7. Her Self-Worth is Dependent on the Relationship

A woman who is emotionally immature continues to take the temperature of her relationships — and judges her self-worth accordingly.

A partner’s bad mood can wreck her own and make her feel inadequate. A partner who leaves her is evidence of her bad choices and terrible judgment.

It’s not just that she takes it all personally — and she does. It’s that she assumes everything that happens says something about her worth and value as a human being.

Her confidence can be wrecked not just be rejection but by the perception of it.

8. She Overreacts

One of the worst signs of emotional immaturity in a woman is she often overreacts. In emotional situations, they react rather than respond because they are not in control.

They haven’t yet learned to regulate their emotions or find healthy outlets. Instead, their feelings build until they break. 

The break usually looks more like an explosion. Dating an emotionally immature woman can be exhausting because of the ups and downs of her feelings.

Every little situation isn’t so little when dealing with someone stuck in an immature emotional state.

9. She Gets Defensive When Confronted 

Emotional immaturity also comes out when she’s confronted about her behaviors. You’ll recognize her immediate defensiveness.

Because she’s uncomfortable, she may try to direct the blame to you or find a way to shift the attention away from her feelings of humiliation, rejection, or disappointment.

Because she hasn’t learned to articulate her feelings, it’s easier to react — badly — to any confrontation, no matter how gentle.

She’s immediately on the defensive and likely hasn’t even heard what’s said before her mind fills in the blanks with her emotions. 

Recommended read: Emotionally Immature Partners: 3 Behaviors to Look Out For

10. She’s Critical and Calls Names

The emotionally immature woman also engages in name-calling behavior and can be critical of everyone around her.

She expects perfection in others and is often let down. She’s just as hard on herself, even if she doesn’t always show it.

The constant criticism erodes her relationships. It’s not that she’s a mean person necessarily.

She’s just incapable of expressing her feelings and communicating effectively about them. Instead, she resorts to childish behavior. 

11. She Has a History of High Drama Relationships

You’ll notice that emotionally immature people don’t just have a history of bad relationships. They have a history of high drama. It’s not just in their romantic relationships either.

Their family relationships and friendships are equally filled with conflict. 

Every story she recounts of drama shows the evidence of her lack of emotional maturity. She hasn’t learned to manage conflict, to communicate calmly, or to address her feelings.

She’s just learned to react in the ways that she likely saw modeled growing up.

12. She Can’t Admit to Mistakes and Won’t Apologize for Them

Emotionally immature people have a hard time admitting they made a mistake — and an even harder time apologizing for their behavior.

In fact, if you get an apology at all, it will be the kind that avoids responsibility and actually makes their behavior someone else’s fault. 

You’ll notice that the emotionally immature woman in your life is never wrong — at least, not according to her.

She’ll shut down or explode before she’ll admit she screwed up. She hasn’t yet learned how to own up to her behavior and make amends for her mistakes.  

13. She’s Codependent, Not Interdependent

An emotionally immature woman will also find herself often in codependent rather than interdependent relationships.

Because she defines her worth by her relationship, she’s learned to develop unhealthy bonds with little space, communication, or healthy boundaries. 

She hasn’t yet learned that interdependent relationships are the goal. She wants to be one half of a couple that does everything together and can’t live without each other.

And she doesn’t yet understand that healthy relationships can be secure and still have space, boundaries, separate interests, and the desire for each other without the need of the other person to survive.

14. She Holds a Grudge

It’s unsurprising that a woman who is emotionally immature is a champion grudge holder.

She doesn’t yet see the value in forgiving, and she’s never seen the benefit of forgetting either. Instead, she is likely to bring up past conflict in every single new one.

She just won’t let it go. She may see this quality as realistic or even acknowledge that it’s cynical.

And she may not be aware that it’s also a sign of emotional immaturity.

15. She Isn’t Self-Aware

One of the most common signs of emotional immaturity in a woman is in her mind everyone else is always the problem, never her.

She’s not self-aware enough to understand her patterns or why other people perceive her the way they do.

She isn’t growing because she hasn’t yet seen that the person who needs to change is herself.

Of course, the same is true of all of us. We cannot control others. The only way to create change is to change ourselves.

The emotionally mature person knows this already and has done the work. The emotionally immature person never will — not until they look for their own patterns rather than looking for a scapegoat.

What to Do About Emotional Immaturity in Relationships

Evaluate if the Relationship is a Good Fit

It’s not impossible to have a relationship with a person who is emotionally immature, but it’s important to ask yourself if the relationship is a good fit were it not for that one factor.

Sometimes, we’re trying to make a bad fit work rather than acknowledging that we simply aren’t compatible.

Establish Boundaries in the Relationship

Healthy relationships require boundaries.

If you’re in a partnership or even friendship with someone who isn’t emotionally mature, you’ll have to be the one to set the boundaries and stick to them.

It won’t be easy, but it could initiate positive change in the relationship. 

Embrace Open Communication about Individual and Relationship Needs

Sometimes, you’ll need to model emotional maturity by openly communicating about your individual needs as well as your relational ones.

If you can’t be vulnerable and emotionally mature, it’s hard to criticize the other person for having the same problem. 

Skip the criticism and start talking about what you’d like the relationship to look like and what may need to change for that to happen.

Come up with solutions you can work on together, not a list of problems they need to address.  

Practice Patience — Change Isn’t Easy

Don’t expect someone who is emotionally immature to grow up overnight. Be kind and patient. It’s hard to change. It’s even harder when it’s embarrassing to admit that you need to do it. 

Keep in mind that early childhood factors and even socioeconomic status could play a role in their emotional education.

It doesn’t mean they aren’t a good person or good partner. It just means she hasn’t yet learned how to regulate and manage her emotions.

Consider Couples Counseling

Be willing to go to couples’ counseling. I know you think it’s her problem, but it’s not. It’s a relationship problem the moment it starts damaging your connection with one another.

Show up ready to do the work because you might learn a thing or two about yourself that needs changing, too.

Emotionally immature women are everywhere.

So are emotionally immature men and non-binary individuals. They are everywhere.

Pop culture is permeated with examples of people who built careers off their immaturity — just look at almost every reality star out there.  

It’s more entertaining to watch a drama unfold than to see people calmly talking about their feelings and taking responsibility for them.

Yet, that’s just what we have to do if we want to become emotionally mature.

We need to nurture the hurt inner child, not lead with their reaction. 

First comes awareness.

Then, it’s time to do the work to build emotional strength, resilience, and — finally — maturity. It’s easy to recognize the immaturity of others, but can you spot your own in this list?

That’s when the real work begins.

Why a woman's anger is normal

Sometimes it's better to get angry than to keep emotions inside. But women's anger is not taken seriously. It is written off for PMS, spoiledness, bitchiness and anything else, but not for healthy anger for objective reasons. We learned to hold back, but this silence had serious consequences. Such as hushing up the problem of domestic violence and sexual crimes.

Why women are not allowed to be angry

Aggressive emotions are considered characteristic of men, while sadness and weakness are acceptable for women from negative feelings. At 19In 1990, psychologists Ulf Dimberg and Lars Lundqvist found that angry women's faces were rated as more hostile than men's, as if the violation of social expectations made their anger seem larger. Such attitudes arise due to gender stereotypes in education, the imposition of concepts of femininity and double standards.

"You're a girl!"

In kindergarten, a boy from the group haunted me for a long time. He ran after me and pulled my hair all the time. Remembering my mother's instructions that a girl should resolve conflicts peacefully, I tried to stay away from him. Sometimes I had to run to the toilet and wait until he got tired of standing under the door. But as soon as I returned to the common room, everything started anew. At the demands to stop this boy only spread in a stupid smile. And complaints to adults evoked the same reaction: “He just shows that he likes you.”

One day this boy came up behind me again and pulled my ponytail. But this time, I turned around sharply and slapped him with a juicy slap. In the next second, he was already bursting into tears and complaining to the teacher.

No one told him that he himself ran into this crack with his behavior. Instead, they wiped away his tears and calmed him down, and they put me in a punishment corner. I had to listen to a long lecture in which the phrase "You're a girl!" was repeated over and over.

We heard this phrase every time we played loudly, dirty our clothes or got into a fight. Even if they continued to pull our pigtails or broke the house, which took several hours to build. Because girls should be quiet, calm and collected. They love to play with dolls and have tea, help their mother with household chores. And boys grow up next to them, from whom they are expected to be active, stubborn and cocky. They can fight, fight back, make noise. Their toys are cars, soldiers and weapons.


Do not frown - there will be wrinkles »
  • “If a girl wants to become feminine, she should gain one important quality - softness. For every man, a woman is the personification of warmth, kindness and care”

  • “A girl is a diplomat by nature, the forceful method of resolving issues is not her element”

  • “A feminine girl never allows herself to swear and shout. An overly loud voice and raised tone is not attractive at all.0003

These are tips from articles on the front page of a search engine for "How to become feminine" . This concept itself, of course, already raises questions. Isn't it enough that I was born a woman? Will wearing jeans and sneakers instead of flying dresses and hats make me grow new organs?

Tips about dresses and heels can be considered harmless. Much more damaging are suggestions that if we experience aggression, then something is wrong with us. After all, they clearly said: "Soft and diplomatic" .

“Girls are taught to be discreet. Just as we are taught to cross our legs and tie our hair back, we are taught to keep our mouths shut and keep our pride to ourselves. It often happens that for all of us, lack of rights inevitably becomes an attribute of femininity. and unpleasant. That we overdo it with emotions, and our anger has no reason. And in general, it would be better if we were quiet and calm, smiled more often and responded to rudeness with gentleness. Such advice is a disservice.

“When we meet a street thug, a harassing boss, a sexist, a racist classmate, inside ourselves we scream: “Are you all crazy?!” And out loud we quietly say: “Excuse me, what?””

Soraya Chemali

" Bad boy " vs hysterical

During the game, referee Carlos Ramos penalized the athlete with a point after Serena smashed her racket on the court at 3:2 in the second set. Williams got angry and started yelling at Ramos: “You are a liar! You will not appear on my court again while you are alive. When will you apologize to me? Sorry! The referee considered this an insult and fined Serena Williams for the whole game - the score became 5:3 in favor of the Japanese.

At the same time, many fans felt that Serena's aggression was fully justified. Soraya Chemaly, author of Anger Becomes Her, later opined in an article for The Guardian: “Male players in a situation like this were usually glorified as passionate 'bad boys'. They were rewarded with magazine covers, sponsors, and headlines in the media. And Williams received the highest fine in U.S. Championship history for language far less offensive than the male champions have ever used."

Why anger is normal

Anger is presented as a negative and immoral emotion that can harm others. In Christianity, it is even included in the list of sins. Whereas all emotions are primarily a set of indicative signals from the brain. Anger is characterized by tension, hostility. He warns us of injustice.

When I am interrupted, insulted and humiliated, the last thing I want to do is turn the other cheek.

Any emotions are not an anomaly worth fighting against, but natural human mechanisms. The limbic system of the brain is responsible for their manifestation. Its age is about 50 million years. At the same time, the neocortex - the part that is responsible specifically for rational thinking - was formed only two million years ago. Not surprisingly, a younger system is harder to control an older one. And it doesn't depend on gender.

According to psychologists, anger is not primary. It is composed of circumstances and other emotions, like a puzzle. Motorists who have been injured in a minor accident most often described their first emotion as anger. But during the conversation, it turned out that a split second before the collision, the drivers felt fear and confusion. Anger is what came after.

Everyone has ever experienced this emotion. You may have noticed how the body is rebuilt under the influence of anger: the pulse increases, breathing quickens, your hands tremble, you start to sweat. This is just what you can track yourself. In addition, digestion slows down to conserve energy - so the mouth dries up. The blood vessels dilate, so the face turns red. All of these symptoms are also known as a person's biological self-defense mechanism known as "fight or flight".

“It's not just okay to be angry when you're mistreated, it's right. Anger lives in you because that emotion gave your ancestors, human and otherwise, an evolutionary advantage. Just as fear warns you of danger, anger warns of injustice. It's one of the ways your brain tells you that you've had enough."

Psychologist Ryan Martin in Why We Get Angry—and Why It's OK.

Silence leads to

“If you ask women what they fear the most in response to their anger, they won't say they expect violence. They will answer that they are afraid of ridicule.”

Soraya Chemali

In 2000, psychology professor Ann Kring found that women are more likely than men to experience shame and embarrassment as a consequence of anger. If a person begins to be shamed for showing emotions, he begins to hide and suppress them. Emotion does not find a way out, and over time this gives rise to a whole list of diseases: headaches, hypertension, cardiovascular and autoimmune diseases, psychosomatic pain, uncontrolled nutrition and anxiety. The suppression of anger is one of the causes of depression.

A person can hurt himself even more when he begins to criticize and scold himself or even self-mutilate, punishing for the display of "inappropriate" emotion.

Suppressed anger does not disappear without a trace. It turns into a ticking time bomb. Emotion will one day manifest itself: this is how breakdowns occur on children, relatives and best friends.

Any small problem can be a trigger - a mess in the room or being ten minutes late for a meeting. At this moment, random people find themselves in the midst of an emotional explosion. And the person who allowed it begins to blame himself even more.

“We try to explain the reason for the anger: 'It's my fault. He must have said something, but I didn't hear it. I'm overreacting." Not! No, no, no, no, no, no! We have been taught to think that we are overreacting or that we are too sensitive or imprudent. We suppress our rage, but it does not go away. It gnaws at us when we try to smile. Stop Holding Women Responsible for Men's Bad Behavior”

Actress and activist Tracy Ellis Ross in a lecture “There is age-old wisdom behind women's rage”

Anger - is not only a healthy reaction to injustice at work, in personal life, in society. It was supposed to be a natural response of women to harassment and sexual assault attempts. They preferred to remain silent in order to avoid ridicule and condemnation, until in 2017, Ashley Judd, in an interview for The New York Times, spoke about the harassment of American producer Harvey Weinstein. When several more victims dared to vent their anger and speak out about the outrageousness of the media mogul, it turned out that years of silence created a huge problem of sex crimes in the world. Weinstein alone was accused of harassing more than 50 women.

“Women have been taught for centuries that no matter how we play by the rules, we will have to endure harassment, violence and worse. For centuries, our bodies were objects that could be beaten and maimed, touched and moved like furniture. Objects that do not deserve respect. For centuries we have not been able to express our anger. No wonder we now experience rage.

Tracy Ellis Ross

How to use anger

Anger - is not only a destructive emotion, but also a creative one. Ryan Martin - Chair of the Department of Psychology at the University of Wisconsin-Green Bay and researcher of anger - says that this emotion has a powerful energetic impulse. Anger can be expressed in writing, art, and dealing with the most difficult problems in society, such as racism, sexism, homophobia.

The positive impact of anger was also evident after the Harvey Weinstein incident. The #MeToo movement has united people from different countries in the fight against the common problem of sexual crimes. They started talking and writing about it. Women's anger, anger and resentment were heard.

If we continue to discuss women's right to express aggression, perhaps one day parents will begin to advise little girls who are bullied, teased and pulled by tails to defend themselves in any way they see fit.

Repressed emotions and "toxic masculinity": why men are faced with a mental health crisis and cannot get out of it


According to statistics, women are more likely to experience mental health problems, but at the same time die from suicide three times less often than men. The reasons for this phenomenon and the damage to the psyche of men are caused by outdated ideas about masculinity are discussed by journalist Martin Robinson in his book Being a Man. Modern masculinity without violence, domination and fear.

According to a survey by men's health charity Movember, 30% of men in the UK are embarrassed to talk to their partners about their own psychological problems, while 60% would like to help their partners with their problems. What, if not this absurd statistics, can more clearly demonstrate the situation that has developed in the modern world of men? They are ready to be a vest in which to cry, but do not want to cry themselves. Men understand that something needs to be changed, but no one dares to become the first, and therefore we continue to participate in this stupid conspiracy, protecting our common suffering from prying eyes.

What was later called the mental health crisis affected not only men, but it was for them that this crisis was an important breakthrough, the thread that could be pulled to unravel the tangle of masculinity. After all, all forms of mental illness - be it depression, anxiety or eating disorders - are incompatible with the stereotypes imposed on a man by society. The ideal of masculinity is strength, stoicism, self-control. Not only is it uncomfortable for men to express feelings other than anger, it is against their nature. And it's scary to watch. If a woman in the office breaks down, other women will rush to her aid. If a man in the same office cries, the other men will move away, trying not to laugh.

88 men commit suicide every week in the UK. And how many around those who feel the need to speak out, but do not realize it?

Unraveling this tangle of masculinity is essential to addressing mental health issues effectively: by removing the usual masks, we expose a vulnerability that hides sincerity. Taking care of mental health allows us to come to an understanding of what makes us who we are. In turn, serious introspection helps to form a solid approach to solving mental problems, often growing out of many complexities that cannot be dealt with simply by throwing pills at them.

Society considers the tendency of men to suppress emotions rather as a virtue necessary for survival both in war conditions and under the yoke of the difficulties of ordinary life. However, as with other aspects of masculinity, good qualities often lead to bad results. For example, a serious life trauma may remain unconscious, and therefore unlived. Even when the difficulties that eat away at you from the inside are quite surmountable - whether it is your seeming inadequacy, hatred of the body in which you are born, or a career path that looks chaotic - every anxiety suppressed in connection with them adds to your suffering.

Men's depression is often taken for granted as a Man's Way of Being. We're just like that - insensitive bastards. After the First World War, psychiatrists were surprised to find mental trauma in soldiers who were considered unbending warriors. The various mental symptoms these young men experienced in the hell of combat were eventually lumped together under the restrained term "shell shock." This attitude is hard to shake even today, and it is understandable: after all, just a couple of generations ago, “being a man” meant putting on a uniform and boots and going to beat the Nazis. Not only do such attitudes still exist, but they are idealized as a standard male modus operandi to be inculcated from childhood.

Even today, voices are periodically heard claiming that men are bored without war. Even Grayson Perry talks in his book about military service as a way to give young people some direction in life. Surprisingly, in our digital age, when there are more and more different opinions, and the debunking of traditional gender roles is pulling the ground out from under men, both past wars still weigh on public perceptions. In England, it is impossible to live for five minutes without stumbling upon one of those hackneyed slogans - about the finest hour, about the spirit of Dunkirk, or about the importance of "keep calm and continue to act."

7 myths and facts about men's health - is it possible to improve the quality of sperm, what to do with prostatitis and how to protect the heart And while the bravery of the soldiers of yesteryear is rightly praised, the ideal of the warrior hero overshadows today's real man, fighting on his own battlefield - with his own fears, sorrows and panic.

After World War I, Sigmund Freud's nephew, Edward Bernays, nicknamed "the father of PR" and "the master of manipulation," combined some of his uncle's psychoanalytic discoveries with military propaganda techniques and applied them to marketing; for example, one of his biggest achievements at 19In the 1920s, women were taught to smoke (the action "Torches of Freedom"). As shown in the Adam Curtis documentary The Age of Selfishness, Bernays revolutionized sales by exploiting the unconscious desires of the sexes or by simply telling people what they really want. During the recovery period after World War II, the explosive growth of the consumer market was driven by a new dream of individual fulfillment. Men had to remain faithful to the ideals of the warrior, remembered from the time of the war, and maintain the image of a hero, now fighting for money and power. Men belonged to the work, not to the home, and were celebrated for their professionalism, not their emotionality. All this influenced the formation in society of ideas about what qualities a real man should have and how to acquire them. Masculinity, based on a military narrative, was picked up by marketers and placed on billboards. Since then, little has changed. As a consequence, men today look backward to what they were in the past, not to the future, to what they might have become.

Clothes diligently hide a lot, but tired eyes give us away. Take a closer look at the men dining alone on a park bench (coffee cups in their hands, sportswear in their laptop bag), and you will see their anxiety not letting go. Depression can paralyze you, but its main trick is to allow you to lead a normal life, despite the panic whirlwind that destroys from the inside. Half as slow, but you continue to function.

The state of panic is generally habitual for a man - or can become so at any moment. The #MeToo movement that took off in 2017 created a massive cultural shift. The expression "toxic masculinity" was like a black monolith frightening the ape-men, heralding a new era. The debate over the exact meaning of the term was only a distraction; the meaning was that traditional masculinity was recognized as underdeveloped. After all, male sexual behavior was formed within the framework of an innate privilege to permissiveness, contributing to the prosperity of predators.

The #MeToo movement that took off in 2017 created a massive cultural shift. The expression "toxic masculinity" heralded a new era.

This anger is understandable given the history of oppression of those people who were unfortunate enough to be born male. Nevertheless, it would be worth helping men (at least those who do not rush at passers-by, violently masturbating) to analyze themselves and adapt. For, however strange it may seem, they too may be victims of the system, driven into the narrow framework of the image of the Standard Male, which, as we will see later, is imbued with ancient social, religious and cultural ideas about the relationship of the sexes.

One in four British citizens experience some kind of mental health problem during the year. These ailments rank second in terms of property damage, with 72 million lost days at a cost of £34.9 billion. Women are more likely to experience mental health problems, but die from suicide three times less often than men. According to the suicide prevention charity CALM, this is because men are less likely to seek help and tend to be more forceful in their attempts to end their lives.

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