How to control emotion of love

14 Tips on How to Control Your Emotions in a Relationship

In This Article

All of us feel emotions, and it’s a fact that it’s one of the most vital factors that drive us. How to control your emotions in a relationship can either make you or break things for you and your partner.

Emotions control how we think, talk, and act. That’s the reason why knowing how to take charge of your emotions is necessary to have a happy life.

What are the different emotions in a relationship?

As early as a person can say their first word, their emotions have also started showing. A child learns how to deal with different emotions.

They learn what affects their moods and how they can control what they are feeling.

It’s no surprise that emotions and relationships are closely connected.

Emotions in relationships are different when it comes to intensity. They allow you to feel and explore the broadest range of emotions you haven’t felt before.

From falling in love to your first major fight, it’s with a person’s partner that you will experience a whirlwind of emotions.

You’ll experience joy, love, fear, anger, annoyance, anxiety, insecurity, despair, resentment, and so much more.

If you do not know how to control your emotions in a relationship, it can lead to problems.

This is where emotional balance comes in. 

By learning how emotional intelligence and relationships work together, you can strengthen your relationship, stay connected with each other, and build a strong foundation for your relationship. 

What is emotional balance?

The term emotional balance or emotional self-control is controlling emotions in relationships. It’s your way of managing and finding balance when you’re faced with extreme emotions, most often in stressful situations.

Related Reading: Balance in Relationships, Life, and Everything In-between

Balancing your emotions in a relationship – Why is it important?

“Is managing my emotions possible?”

Controlling emotions in a relationship is possible, and the key here is how you can balance them.

Learning how to control your emotions in a relationship is necessary if you want your relationship to last.

Having controlled emotions in a relationship will require time and patience.

Have you ever felt so jealous that you’ve lost all sense of reason? You yell and even start throwing things at your partner?

This is one example of a person losing control of their emotions.

Now, if you know how to strengthen your EQ or emotional intelligence, you will be unlocking the best ways to control emotions.

If you do this, you can regulate your emotions. We don’t want to repress them because they will only explode if you can no longer contain them.

Regulating your emotions and learning how to think before you react will give you that balance of feeling no emotion at all and feeling overwhelming emotions.

How does your emotional intelligence (EQ) impact your relationships?

Having low emotional intelligence and relationships full of extreme emotions can lead to misunderstandings, frequent arguments, shouting, resentment, hatred, and ultimately, the end of your relationship.

If one tries to hide or suppress them, it can lead to physical symptoms, resentments, and one day, you’ll just explode, and all those extreme emotions will show.

Sadly, this is very common in relationships.

So, if you dream of having a long and healthy relationship, you need to know how you should regulate your emotions.

You’d keep your self-respect, power, sanity, and self-love while you become the ideal partner for your loved one.

14 simple ways to on how to control your emotions in a relationship 

Have you heard of the quote, “Don’t let your emotions control you?”

This is exactly what we want to achieve with these 14 tips on how to deal with your emotions.

1. Pause and think before you act

You found something that made you feel jealous. You acted compulsively and created a scene for everyone to see.

Extreme feelings in a relationship can cause a person to act compulsively.

In the end, this can affect your relationship.

Train yourself to stop, think, and analyze the situation before you decide to do something that you might regret later.

Ask yourself, what will happen if you do this? Will it make our relationship better? Am I doing the right thing?

Rage, jealousy, and even frustration are hard to control, that’s for sure, but it’s not impossible. 

2. Learn to process your emotions

Before you can learn how to control your emotions in a relationship, you must first know what you’re feeling.

Sometimes, you’re not sure if you’re angry, sad, or hurt. That makes it difficult for you to understand what emotions you’re feeling.

Observe yourself.

Know what triggered the emotion, what you are currently feeling, and what you want to do. A journal can help you if you document your emotions.

You can also note what options you tried to control your emotions.

3. Take a moment and ask yourself why

It’s hard to control your feelings for someone, especially when you are not sure what triggers you to feel overwhelming emotions.

Finding the trigger may not be that easy. You have to look back and analyze the events that led you to feel extreme emotions.

You might discover that you have resentments that you didn’t know how to voice out, or you might have experienced some trauma in a previous relationship.

If you often feel jealous, ask yourself why.

Did your partner cheat on you? Have you ever caught him flirting with another person?

Be honest with yourself, and you’ll start learning how to manage your emotions.

4. Stop yourself from dwelling on negative thoughts

You also want to learn how to be less emotional in a relationship. We don’t want to be trapped in a cage of hate, jealousy, and insecurity.

These are all negative emotions that will not help us achieve the relationship that we want.

Once you have discovered the trigger and the effect it causes you, take charge of it. Don’t allow your mind to dwell hours and days on these destructive emotions.

Put your past hurt behind and start learning how to have peace.

Related Reading: 4 Tips on How to Get Rid of Negative Thoughts in Relationships

5. Be careful with how you speak

Don’t ask your partner to talk when you’re experiencing extreme emotions.

Chances are, you would only fail, and you’ll end up shouting. No one wants to talk to someone sarcastic, right?

If you want to solve anything, do it when you’re calm. Remember, how you speak to your partner can affect your relationship. So watch your tone and improve your communication skills.

Denise Ryan, CSP, MBA, talks about different communication styles. Watch her video here:

6. Learn how to communicate

If you allow yourself to feel negative and extreme emotions, do you think you can explain to your partner what you want?

How can you communicate and solve anything if you are blinded by rage, anger, or other emotions?

What’s worse is that you can also ignite your partner to feel the same way.

Shouting, exchanging hurtful words will not help you and your relationship.

Emotional intelligence in marriage will work best when you know how to communicate with each other.

Related Reading: 7 Tips to Develop Excellent Communication Skills for Couples

7. Take as many deep breaths as you can

We’ve seen this in movies. A person experiencing extreme emotions starts to take deep breaths, and then we see them calm down.

It’s one of the things that work.

Taking in deep breaths can relieve your body of stress. It can also reduce your heart rate and blood pressure. Soon, you would feel a little bit better, and this is where you would be able to think clearly.

So the next time you’re in a situation that triggers your emotions, take a step back, close your eyes, and take deep breaths until you calm down.

Related Reading: How to Regulate Your Emotions From Destroying Your Marriage

8. Be mindful of your body language

Another tip on how to control your emotions in a relationship is to watch your body language.

You might not notice it, but if your partner sees you with your fists clenched, do you think everything would turn out okay?

It can even anger you to see that your partner is rude, not knowing that it is his defensive reaction to what you are showing him.

When you choose to talk to your partner even though you’re still angry or hurt, avoid crossing your arms, pointing at him, or clenching your fist.

Try to stay calm and take deep breaths before you discuss your issues.

9. Walk away to avoid clashing

Are you familiar with the saying, “Don’t talk when you’re angry?”

Remember this; your discussion can wait. Learn to control your emotions first before asking your partner to talk.

If not, you’re just asking for an argument. Worse, you might say words that you don’t mean.

Once the damage has been done, there’s no turning back.

If you have said hurtful or belittling words to each other, you can no longer take those words back.

So, it’s better to just walk away and talk when you are both calm.

10. Accept facts and be rational

“How to control my emotions when I’m full of anger and hate?”

This is a common issue that we need to address. When you feel extreme emotions, it becomes hard to control your reasoning.

No matter how hard your partner tries to explain the situation, if your emotions are getting the better of you, you won’t listen.

Learn to be reasonable. Accept facts, listen to your partner’s explanation, and most of all, be rational.

11. What relationship do you want to have?

The path to emotional well-being and balance is challenging.

When you’re about to give up, ask yourself.

“Is this the relationship that I want?”

This will make you realize what type of relationship you want. Are you in a bubble of negative and extreme emotions?

Or do you want to start living in a harmonious relationship?

If your relationship just brings you tears and pain, then why are you staying?

If your love for each other is strong and you know that, then what’s stopping you from being better and controlling your emotions?

12. Talk to someone you trust

If everything is getting out of hand, talk to a trusted friend or family.

Choose to talk to someone who knows you, your moods, and what you’ve been through.

Sometimes, another person’s input can help us have a clearer understanding of the situation that we are in.

This person can listen, give advice, and even make sense of what you’re doing, in case your negative emotions are getting out of hand.

Aside from that, having supportive family and friends can help so much. Don’t be afraid to get all the help that you need.

Your friends and family will always be there for you, and they only want what’s best for you, your well-being, and your relationship.

13. Learn to forgive and move on

If you are having a hard time regulating your emotions, maybe it’s because you can’t let go of the past hurts.

Learn to forgive and move on. You are only punishing yourself if you don’t.

If you had problems before and you decide to commit again, then it’s time to let go. How can you move forward if you’re clinging to these negative emotions?

Related Reading: Learning To Forgive: 6 Steps to Forgiveness In Relationships

14. Seek help if it’s too unbearable

There may be cases where trauma is involved.

For example, past infidelity may have had a huge impact on your emotions and mental health. It can be the underlying reason you are having a hard time controlling your emotions.

If you think these extreme and uncontrollable emotions have started destroying you, then you need to seek help.

Most of the time, people would refuse to seek help because they might think they’ll be branded as mentally unstable.

However, this is just a misconception. Professional therapists aim to help you and your marriage, and there is no harm if you want to ask for help.


Remember that learning how to control your emotions in a relationship will help you and your partner have a healthy partnership.

There may have been past issues, but if you learn how to take control of your mind and your emotions, you’ll achieve your dream relationship.

Even how you view yourself will change for the better.

Don’t ignore or neglect your emotions. Be in tune with them and learn how to control them.

How To Control Your Emotions In A Relationship (15 Manageable Ways)

Emotions are unarguably some of the most significant and powerful forces that drive us, they can either break or make us. They influence us to think, say, and do the things we do. 

Feelings of excitement can motivate us to take chances. Sad feelings, on the other hand, make us cry and release toxic hormones or grieve and move on. Whilst love makes us act selflessly and make sacrifices as well. Feelings can have strong control over our rational minds and this is why we need to take control of them. 

Acting too fast or carelessly on your emotions could end very badly, especially when romantic feelings are involved. Your ability to control your emotions is crucial to the health and duration of your relationships. 

So if you’d like to be in a healthy relationship while still maintaining your sanity, self-respect, and power, keep on reading while I give you some tips on how to control your emotions in a relationship.


  • 1 15 Ways To Control Your Emotions In A Relationship   
    • 1.1 1. Think before you leap
    • 1.2 2. Process your emotions
    • 1.3 3. Ask yourself why
    • 1.4 4. Don’t dwell on negative thoughts
    • 1.5 5. Improve your communication skills
    • 1.6 6. Watch your tone
    • 1.7 7. Watch your body language
    • 1.8 8. Take deep breaths
    • 1.9 9. Walk away from an argument if it gets too heated
    • 1.10 10. Train your mind to be present
    • 1.11 11. Be rational
    • 1.12 12. Have a clear vision of what you want your relationship to be
    • 1.13 13. Deal with your thoughts
    • 1.14 14. Don’t forget to forgive
    • 1. 15 15. Seek medical help if you find it hard regulating your emotions
  • 2 FAQs
  • 3 The Bottom Line

15 Ways To Control Your Emotions In A Relationship   

1. Think before you leap

Train yourself to think first and act later, don’t be fast to act on feelings without pondering the consequences. Negative emotions like rage, frustration, and bitterness are quite strong and can drive you to act irrationally. However, no matter how strong they are, they can still be controlled. 

Whenever your spouse stresses you out, take a step back to process your emotions first before you react. Thinking about the aftermath of your actions ahead of time will help you make better decisions on handling the situation. By continuously being emotionally proactive, you’d build the habit of finding solutions to problems instead of being reactive and acting on a limb.

2. Process your emotions

Before mastering how to control your emotions in a relationship, you need to be clear about what these emotions really are. Try observing them like you’re a third party, with no judgments and without trying to suppress them. Don’t only try to identify what they are, also notice their intensity. 

Be detailed in your observations so you can identify how certain actions and situations affect you. In this case, it's always a good idea to own a diary. Journal your day and observe how your time around your lover affects your emotions

Take note of the things he does that make you lose it or change your mood. Don’t just focus on the negative, document your high points too. What does your lover do that makes you feel excited or at peace? It's all about observing and documenting at this stage.

3. Ask yourself why

Try to find out why these things trigger those emotions, you’re going to need to do a lot of thinking at this point. You may discover that you have a big hand in your own fluctuating emotions or you may have underlying issues that you’ve been projecting on your spouse.  

Whatever the case may be, you need to get to the bottom of it if you’re going to take control of your emotions. 

Don’t be deceived. Finding the root cause of your sentiments is hard work and may even take a while, however, it's very rewarding. Ask yourself questions like, “What triggered this feeling?” Were you upset because you felt disrespected? Or, do you feel threatened because your partner is too forward with other women? Dig deep and be honest with yourself. 

4. Don’t dwell on negative thoughts

Once you’ve discovered what actually makes you feel less in charge of your emotions, you can actively decide how to handle them. The best way to feel better and in control is to stay positive, don’t dwell on past misunderstandings, especially when you’ve both already discussed things as partners. 

Ruminating on past issues; what you should have done right or said, would only cause more strain on your emotion. Dwelling on the what if’s will do the complete opposite of making you feel in control. Put the past behind you and learn to live in the present instead. 

Dwell on the things you’ve got to look forward to, on the things you have control over now, and try to build on that. 

5. Improve your communication skills

Communication straightens out complicated issues in so many relationships, so many misunderstandings are caused by defective communication. Part of learning to control your emotions is learning to express them in the most constructive way possible. Being deep in your feelings could blind you from noticing the way you’re conveying them to your partner. 

However, when you take time to process how you feel then communicate them accurately to your partner, complications can be avoided. Stay away from accusatory statements and be sure to take responsibility for your own faults. Statements that begin with, “I think” and “I feel” are more suited for conversations like these, and try not to sound like you’re reprimanding him.

6. Watch your tone

People often mimic our behavior towards them, raising your voice while trying to explain things to your husband may cause him to shout back at you (especially if he also has no control over his emotions).  

In order to keep things under control and prevent things from getting out of hand, it's best to keep your tone calm, even when you’re angry. If you’re both shouting then you wouldn’t be able to listen to each other, which means no communication at all. You’ll have a more productive conversation if you keep your tone calm.

7. Watch your body language

If you’re wondering why your spouse is so defensive or aggressive when you communicate with him, perhaps you need to be more mindful of your body language. Sometimes, we give off the energy we don’t mean to. There’s a chance that your spouse’s defensiveness is a reaction to your aggressive body language. 

When you’re communicating with him, try not to tap your feet, cross your arms, or look away dismissively. You may not say a word but these actions may make you seem hostile and cause him to react accordingly. Whatever you do, try to stay calm. If you are way too upset, step away for some time so you can calm down.

8. Take deep breaths

Breathing deeply is one of the best ways to relieve stress on your body, the oxygen you take in helps to reduce your heart rate and your blood pressure. By breathing deeply you’re also activating your relaxation response and inhibits stress-inducing hormones. 

When you’re feeling overwhelmed with emotion, step aside, and take a few deep breaths, they’ll help you calm down faster and get your emotions under control. When you’re more relaxed, you’ll be able to communicate your feelings to your partner accurately or express them in the right way.

9. Walk away from an argument if it gets too heated

You know how it is when things are approaching the point of no return in an argument. As soon as your mind starts giving you warning images, walk away, and try to cool off. We all know what could happen if you don’t walk away could cost you your relationship. Some statements can’t be taken back, they’re better left unsaid. 

Is it like pulling teeth getting him to spend time with you?
The key to solving is understanding men on a much deeper emotional level. The number #1 factor that causes men to behave this way is actually relatively easy to change with a few subtle things you can say to him.

Take this quick quiz to see if he actually likes you!

When you’re completely calm you can approach your spouse and handle things rationally without any fights or permanent damage to your relationship. The safest thing to do is to leave the argument way before your anger levels reach a four on a scale of 1 to 10, don’t wait for it to get out of hand, it may not be easy to calm yourself at that point. Just say something like, “Pls excuse me, I’m too upset, I’d like to calm down before we continue this discussion”.

10. Train your mind to be present

Being present involves way more than being aware of your present situation or state. When you’re overwhelmed with so many emotions, take a moment to be quiet and remind yourself that you're still here in this very moment and you’re okay. You’re still you and there’s nothing different about you now and you from a second ago.  

The only thing that has changed is the situation and its effects on your emotions. Try to mentally stay on these thoughts, voice them out audibly if possible just help you stay focused. When this awareness sinks in, you’ll be able to gather up the strength to check your emotions and your corresponding actions.

11. Be rational

When we’re caught up in our feelings about things, we tend to get carried away and allow those emotions to push us to act irrationally. Our rational mind may know we’re not supposed to do or say certain things but our emotions make us override that knowledge. This is not to say that all emotions need to be ignored, on the contrary, embracing your emotions will help you live a healthy life

However, blindly following our emotions most times leads to disaster. What needs to be done rather is to rationalize your emotions. Be realistic and be honest to yourself about how you feel and what the consequences of your actions would be if you act on them.

12. Have a clear vision of what you want your relationship to be

If you have a clear vision of what you want out of a relationship, it will help you stay away from relationships and men who make you feel powerless. Not being able to manage your emotions may be a sign that the relationship is becoming toxic for you. If you aren’t getting what you want out of your present relationship, it may be time to call it quits.

13. Deal with your thoughts

Much like emotions, your thoughts guide your actions, what you think about continuously is what you will act on. There’s a higher chance of you losing your temper when your spouse upsets you if all day you’ve been thinking about all the things he does to upset you. 

The first step to directing your thoughts towards the positives is to be clear about what is really happening. Be sure you fully understand the situation and be completely realistic about it. When you’re clear about the situation and your role in it you can tell yourself the truth and begin to direct your thoughts towards the positives and possible solutions.  

The fastest way to direct your thoughts is through your conversations with yourself, make positive statements to yourself out loud. Statements like, “I can manage my own emotions” or “No one has the power to make me act irrationally”. 

14. Don’t forget to forgive

As hard as it seems to do, forgiveness is quite therapeutic and very powerful. It's almost impossible to forget whatever made you bitter or annoyed, but you can choose to forgive the person you love and the situation surrounding it. Remaining bitter about something your partner or even an ex did to you gives them the power to control your emotions at any time. 

He may not apologize or show remorse for what he did. So, to free yourself from the bondage of that situation, you will need to forgive him. Forgiveness isn’t just directed outwardly, some people are stuck in one phase of their lives because they haven’t forgiven themselves for a mistake they made. 

Try forging yourself also for your faults so you can have the strength to put your emotions under control.  

15. Seek medical help if you find it hard regulating your emotions

Sometimes, the emotional difficulties you’re facing may be hormonal and in that case, you may be required to see a doctor. If you notice that your mood swings are extreme and sometimes they don’t even need a trigger then book an appointment with your doctor as soon as you can. 

Thyroid issues could also cause hormonal imbalance and could be causing you to have negative thoughts. Explain your situation to your doctor in detail, and work with him to find a solution.


How do you control your feelings for someone you love?

When couples are overwhelmed with emotion, they tend to act irrationally. However, if you step back and ponder the effects/consequences of reacting to those emotions, it could prevent you from acting on them. Also acknowledging what you feel could really help you decide how to handle them. 

Can you have control over your emotions?

In actuality, you can’t have complete control over your emotions, the best way to handle them is to accept them as they come, that way you take away their ability to control you. Your emotions can be clues to what's really happening, acknowledging them without judging yourself would help you rationally decide what to do about it.

How do I not let him control my emotions?

The truth is, it's not always in your hands to prevent people from hurting you, sometimes you don’t see it coming. Be open to loving him but do not close your eyes to his person, if he’s a toxic person, it’s important to have boundaries. Don’t let his own emotions dictate yours.  

What is the true sign of love?

True love isn’t selfish, it's not urgent, and based on one party’s terms. Mutual respect and understanding, affection, and genuine care are a big part of it. Feelings that are based only on one party’s terms is not real love, it's more likely to be an infatuation and should not be invested in.

How do you know when you're losing feelings for someone?

One of the major signs of lost feelings in relationships is the reluctance to engage in difficult conversations or any other form of argumentative discussion. Losing the need to express your feelings to your partner when you’re upset or bothered about something, shows that you have lost passion and interest in the relationship. 

The Bottom Line

I hope you found this article helpful. Remember, knowing how to control your emotions in a relationship is key to being a healthy couple. Don't try to ignore or neglect your feelings rather work hard to keep them in check. Please leave your comments in the section below and be sure to share the article.

Do you feel like all you think about is him, but he only thinks about himself?
This doesn't mean he doesn't like you. You have to understand how he is wired. Once you do, you'll find there is a subtle thing you can say that to him that will drastically change how he shows his emotions towards you.

Take this quick quiz that looks at whether he actually likes you or not!

I love too much: how to reduce the "loudness" of my feelings?


Man among men Know thyself

Infatuation, strong emotional attachment to a partner or sexual desire - all this seems to be an uncontrollable force of nature. Love is one of the most powerful feelings, and sometimes it seems that it rolls over like a tidal wave. What can we do about the tide? Nothing. So how can love be controlled? Yes and no...

Yes, because love very much depends on our thoughts (more on that below). No, and there are two reasons for this: in addition to thoughts, we have biochemical reactions that also determine feelings. Just like hunger. We cannot suppress it, but we can decide when and what to eat. The same with love: falling in love is a property of our nature, since this need serves our reproduction.

The desire to love can be equated with the need to eat and sleep. But if we cannot forbid ourselves to fall in love, then at least we can change the intensity of passions? Yes, it turns out that love can be regulated - consciously strengthen or weaken its power. A recently published 10-month long psychological study confirms that this ability maintains our "healthy mind."

University of Missouri psychologists believe that those who are able to influence the overall emotional state and the strength of their own love feelings make an important contribution to their mental health.

Love regulation is the use of behavioral and cognitive strategies to change the intensity of feelings

A survey of over 250 participants found that those who believed they could regulate and modify normal feelings, such as cheerfulness or fear, also believed they could reduce or increase love, sexual desire or affection. Some participants were even able to cognitively reframe emotionally charged situations or intense emotional states when they felt the need to do so.

They also saw in others this ability to overestimate love feelings. However, there were many such respondents who were convinced that they could not “mute” falling in love. In addition, most of the subjects did not believe that it was possible to fall in love at the touch of a button or to purposefully launch, like a starter in a car, affection and sexual desire. Psychologists believe that it is useful to build on these beliefs in order to be able to use the "regulator" of feelings in everyday life.

Strategies for everyday life

Psychologists have learned to work with "loud" emotions and feelings - anxiety, anger, fear. But what about love? Will Cupid listen to us? For example, if after a sudden breakup we manage to release painful feelings and thoughts and gradually reassess the situation, this will be much healthier than remaining in the emotionally charged state that occurs immediately after a breakup.

Or if love weakens in the process of partnership, then sooner or later the question arises: how to experience this feeling again in the same union? The range of tools is varied, ranging from working together, better managing emotional stress, paying more attention to yourself and your partner's feelings, to couples therapy. Do you think you can regulate the degree of your immersion in love? And if love is weaker than we would like? Research has shown that love fades over time and that separations, especially long ones, are one of the leading causes of divorce.

What if love is stronger than we want? For example, when one of the partners leaves and for him this is a hard-won, “brought to readiness” decision. Most often at this moment he does not have any love experiences. But they are for someone for whom the announcement of parting is like a bolt from the blue. In such situations, it would be useful to regulate love.

If you are unhappy in love and would like to weaken your feelings, turn away from your object and do not think about it constantly

Love regulation is the use of behavioral and cognitive strategies to change the intensity of feelings. Research has shown that it is possible to regulate love. It is well known that negative and positive emotions (anxiety, fear, anger, joy, delight) can be regulated both upwards and downwards through certain strategies - distraction, cognitive reappraisal and expressive suppression.

Cognitive reappraisal is considered an effective and adaptive strategy and involves changing the interpretation of the situation, due to which the intensity of emotions changes. Expressive suppression involves the suppression of emotions, a ban on their expression.

This is rather a socially acceptable way, but it does not alleviate our condition. Moreover, it is harmful and even dangerous. Despite the ongoing debate about whether to consider love as an emotion or not, previous research has shown that it can be regulated through cognitive reappraisal and switching attention to other significant situations, affairs, feelings.

We are looking for pluses and minuses

As the study showed, a negative attitude towards a former partner reduced the level of love for him. In another study, thinking about a loved one's bad traits, about the negative aspects of the relationship, about imagining unfavorable future scenarios with him (negative reappraisal) reduced both infatuation and attachment.

And vice versa: thinking about the pleasant features of a loved one or the good aspects of a relationship, about imagined positive scenarios for the future with him (positive reappraisal) increased attachment. Yes, consider yourself wearing rose-colored glasses. However, they were already on you at the moment of the start of love - at the stage of falling in love, when you saw only the best in the object of your passion.

Tired of high love tension? Take off your glasses and be realistic. The intensity of passion will immediately decrease. If you are unhappy in love and would like to ease your feelings, turn away from your object and don't think about it all the time. Think about what is dear to you: friends, pets, hobbies, art, travel. In this way, you can consciously allow your feelings to move in a direction that relieves pain and unpleasant experiences.

In the same way, one can regulate sexual desire by imagining or fantasizing about certain situations or focusing on the advantages and virtues of one's body, the desired sensations. In one study, men were instructed to suppress their emotional responses when watching an erotic film. As a result, they admitted that sexual arousal was reduced compared to situations in which they allowed themselves to express emotions openly.

Women, who were ordered to immerse themselves in the erotic film as much as possible, experienced not only emotional, but even genital excitation. Unlike women who were prescribed to suppress sexual arousal. And this means that we can give ourselves such instructions and regulate the power of love and sexual desire.

Text: Olga Kochetkova-Korelova Photo Source: Getty Images

New on the site

“My mother suffered from alcoholism, and my father suffered from uncontrollable anger. Now I'm afraid of relationships”

“I know my girlfriend so well that I became annoyed at her predictability”

How men and women perceive divorce: 3 rules for profitable agreements

How to toast: 6 universal rules - practice at home

Coaching and Psychotherapy: 5 Key Differences

Test: What takes away your strength?

"Men use me all the time - for sex, work or heart-to-heart talk"

The art of gracefully avoiding uncomfortable questions: how to master it

5 effective tricks to control your emotions

started talking about emotional intelligence. Emotional intelligence is a set of human skills with which he can recognize his own and others' emotions, control and manage them. The ability to restrain your emotions will come in handy in almost any area of ​​life - from personal relationships with loved ones to working negotiations with colleagues, management, clients. Emotions can overtake at the most inopportune moment, preventing rational thinking from finding the right solution. Therefore, it is important to learn to control yourself in order to understand your true desires and motives. We have collected 5 simple tricks from the free online course "Emotional Intelligence" that will help you work through emotions in the moment and avoid unpleasant consequences.

Detachment from what is happening

Negative emotions in most cases arise at the moment when another person takes out his discontent, evil, bad mood or resentment on you. We automatically want to respond in kind, to protect ourselves from the flow of negativity. But such action can only exacerbate the situation. At this moment, it is better not to react to the emotional manifestations of a person, skip unpleasant words past you and not let emotions take over you. Get distracted by something, go somewhere else. Let the person cool down and try starting the conversation again.


Sometimes we are overcome by strong anger, at this moment it is difficult to quickly calm down and come to our senses. Try to look at the problem from a different angle. Think that this situation is another experience in life that just needs to be experienced. Emotional outbursts make us stronger and more resilient, so everything must be treated philosophically. At first, it will be difficult to control your emotions, so remind yourself that in this way you form an inner core in yourself.


Sometimes it's hard to immediately completely calm down, telling yourself "stop, stop being nervous." The main task of emotional intelligence is to be able to slow down, pause.

Learn more