How to be more confident with woman

Confidence with Women and How to Get It

Gaining confidence with women (just like gaining confidence in anything) comes down to three things: attitude, knowledge, and experience.  If you know how to talk to women, have the right attitude about it, and have lots of experience doing it, then that confidence will come easily.

And while knowledge and attitude can be learned easily and painlessly, lots of guys still struggle to gain experience.  Truth is, even with all the knowledge and the right attitude, taking that first step in approaching women can still be intimidating.  But for guys who want to make it easy – even fun – to approach women, this article is for you.  Here are a few exercises and things to focus on that will help you get more experience with women quickly in order to build up your confidence with women.

Start small

A big mistake a guy will make when going out is thinking he’s only going to talk to the hottest women he sees.  Then once he sees that gorgeous woman he gets nervous.  His head fills up with doubts and excuses and he never gets around to approaching her.

But the confidence you need to approach that stunning girl can be built up gradually.  Strike up conversations in low-pressure situations with whoever happens to be around – guys, girls you’re not attracted to, the wait-staff – anybody.  Just get comfortable breaking the ice and being social.

As that social muscle warms up you’ll notice your confidence building and it’ll be easier and easier to initiate conversations.  With that momentum it’ll be no problem to walk up to that knock-out across the bar.  In fact, after you’ve been chatting up everybody else, it’d feel weird not to go approach her.

Take it one step at a time

The idea of approaching a woman and carrying a conversation beyond that initial “hi” can feel daunting for a lot of guys.  But you can gain confidence in your conversation skills through practice and by taking things one step at a time.

If simply approaching women is difficult for you, then just get used to breaking the ice.  Go around the bar giving cheers and high fives to the people passing by.  Once you get comfortable with that, start to throw out some banter – just a line or two that’s light, fun, and playful (you can learn more about banter here).  Eventually it’ll be no problem to banter for with anyone for a few minutes.  Once you hit that stage look to further the interaction through the qualification and rapport phases (basically, get to know her on a more personal level) and start building sexual tension.

Wherever you’re at, you should always look to build your skills by taking your next interaction one step further than your last one.  Keep at it and you’ll be able to confidently talk to women in no time.

Machine gun approaches

Since experience builds confidence with women, you want to get as much experience talking to them as you can.  A great way to do this is through “machine gun approaches”.  This means completely letting loose and talking to EVERY woman you see.

Don’t worry about the quality of the interaction.  Don’t worry about creating attraction, making a good impression, or any of that.  In fact, don’t even think about what you’re doing.  Just get out there and start talking to women.

To keep yourself from overthinking, you can stick to one line to open every interaction.  Even if it’s something as simple as “hi, my name is ___, how’s your day going?”  For many guys, this will be incredibly difficult at first.  But the more you do it the easier it gets.  Going from one approach to the next again and again will make approaching women feel like an absolute joke – you’ll wonder why it ever made you nervous in the first place.

When it comes to doing machine gun approaches you may want to consider going to a venue you don’t normally frequent.  Head to a bar in another town where you won’t have to worry about being recognized.  If bars aren’t your thing, head to a mall and wait at the bottom of an escalator.  Then don’t leave until you’ve invited 50 attractive girls that pass by out for coffee.  It’ll smash that nervousness to pieces – and you’ll likely end up with a couple dates then and there.

Pick the right venue

It’s going to be incredibly difficult to approach women and get that experience if you’re going to venues you don’t enjoy.  If you’re at a place where you don’t feel comfortable, then it’ll take a lot more energy to work up the nerve to be social.  So make the whole process easier on yourself by picking an environment you enjoy.  It’ll help put you in a comfortable, relaxed state that makes approaching women much easier.

Take the pressure off meeting women

Now, some guys are so terrified by meeting women that they still need that extra push to get out there and do it.  If you’re in that category, here are some exercises that will help you get going:

  • Use affirmations.  Before approaching a woman remind yourself of something positive.  Something like: “the outcome doesn’t matter”, “women enjoy meeting me”, “I’m a sexy motherfucker!”  Anything that resonates with you and gets you motivated to get out there and do it.

  • Make approaching women about something else.  When you go out, give your friend your car keys and tell him not to give them back until you approach 10 women.  Make a deal with your buddy that you must approach any woman he points to and if you don’t, you owe him $5.  Rather than being nervous about making a good impression, the interaction becomes about getting your car keys and keeping your money.  It’ll give you that extra kick you need.  Plus, since you’re not focused on the outcome of the interaction you’ll likely be much less nervous and have more fun with it.

  • Find supportive, like-minded guys to help you.  Making a change is hard – it’s even harder if you try to go it alone.  Find some people in your life that will support you in your quest to get more confidence and experience.  People who will hold you accountable and make sure you spend Friday night approaching women – and not reading articles like this one.  It could be a friend, family member, professional coach, pen pal…whatever.  Just find someone.

22 Habits of a Confident Woman (For Rock-Solid Confidence)

Confidence is one of the most important qualities we can cultivate. Confident women are more influential, more successful in the workplace, and lead happier lives. 

But how do we do it?

Radical Confidence. We went to the true expert in radical confidence: Lisa Bilyeu. She co-founded Quest Nutrition, which grew 57,000 percent in its first three years. She is also the co-founder and president of Impact Theory Studios, a revolutionary digital-first studio that produces wildly entertaining original content focusing on themes of empowerment. Throughout her career, Lisa has created a slate of content that has more than half a billion times, and she and her husband have built Impact Theory’s global audience to more than 7. 5 million. As host of the digital series Women of Impact, Lisa conducts real, uncensored conversations with inspiring women. Her new book is Radical Confidence, and it is the ultimate guide for women wanting to be inspired.

What is Self-Confidence? (Definition) 

Self-confidence is a feeling of self-assurance from appreciating your unique qualities and abilities. It’s that inner belief that you are enough and inherently worthy. 

Confident people don’t need validation from others to acknowledge their achievements. Instead, they act like their own cheerleaders and trust their inner compass to guide them where they want to go.

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24 Habits of Confident Women (and How to Implement Them)

True confidence is something everyone wants, but many don’t seem to have.

Everywhere you look, someone is trying to sell you confidence. If you just had this outfit, this body, or this car, you would love yourself more. It’s a profitable business because it leaves you constantly longing for something out there to make you feel good enough.  

The reason none of it works is that confidence is an internal job. 

If you want to build lasting confidence rather than the phony facade kind, a few simple habits and mindset shifts could catapult you into new levels of self-love. 

Make self-care your top priority

The most confident women take immaculate care of themselves physically, emotionally, and spiritually. Yet society often perceives this as “selfish” or “self-absorbed.” 

Though traditional gender roles tend to expect women to care for everybody around them, there is significant evidence that self-neglect from overinvolvement with others depletes your self-confidence.

Regardless of relationship status or the care for children, women tend to put others’ needs before their own, and they can often suffer from more depression and lower self-esteem as a result. 

To be more confident and share your gifts with the world, you must begin by filling your cup. 

“Your real work in life is to fill yourself ’til your cup runneth over so that you’re never grasping and needy, clamoring and insecure.

— Oprah

Action Step: Take a holistic mind-body-soul approach to your self-care. Block off as little as 10 minutes in your daily calendar to fill your cup. 

  • Mind: Nurture your mind by setting aside time to decompress. For example, take your lunch break outside and listen to the birds. Or promise yourself to avoid checking emails after 6 pm. It is also helpful to set boundaries“The big question about how people behave is whether they’ve got an inner scorecard or an outer scorecard. It helps if you can be satisfied with an inner scorecard.” –Warren Buffett around your mental and emotional energy. For example, if your friend wants to vent all her problems on you but you already feel emotionally drained, clearly communicate that you don’t have the energy right now.
  • Body: Treat your body like a temple and give it the best fuel possible. Drink at least 2 liters of water per day and eat various fresh fruits and vegetables, clean protein, and mood-boosting fats like extra virgin olive oil. When you’re feeling stressed or anxious, try minimizing your caffeine intake to help reduce anxiety. Read more about how nutrition can affect your confidence in this article. 
  • Soul: Create a self-care ritual that makes you feel like a goddess. Try a scrumptious facial, candlelit bubble bath, soothing massage, or affirmation meditation.

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Use expansive posture

Posture is one of the key nonverbal ways people communicate their self-image to others. 

When women feel nervous, they often try to make themselves smaller—slouching over and curling inwards often signal inferiority, insecurity, or fear. 

On the other hand, an open, expanded posture signals confidence. Studies show that expansive postures make people feel more powerful by altering their hormones and social cues.

Action Step: Even when you’re not feeling so sure of yourself, practice standing up tall and widening your stance to take up more space. Straighten your spine, roll your shoulders back, and lift your chin. 

Learn the 22 Confident Body Language Cues Every Woman Should Know.

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Talk the talk

Some women have a bad habit of talking softly and quietly, making them look and feel less confident. Science tells us that people who speak louder more dominant. 

Women with lower voices look as more dominant and authoritative than those who speak in a high tone.

Take Elizabeth Holmes, for example. In a trailer for The Dropout – a series about Holmes’ rise to the top – you can hear actress Amanda Seyfriend practicing speaking in an intentionally lower voice as she practices her business pitch in the mirror. Though her company later turned out to be fraudulent, her baritone voice and masculine presence reinforced the impact of Holmes’s powerful public persona.

Action Step: Try speaking louder and lower. Go in front of your mirror and practice different vocal inflections to find something that feels natural for you.  

Remember, you don’t want to be obnoxiously loud nor sound like a female embodiment of Tom Waits. Start with slight adjustments to your tone that make you feel more captivating. You may also enjoy this guide on How to Speak With Confidence and Sound Better.

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Walk the walk

How should a lady walk? With a relaxed swagger that radiates poise and purpose. 

There are all sorts of guides online about how to do a runway walk or walk like a model, but the real secret to walking like a confident woman is to walk your walk, with a few powerful modifications: 

  • Know your purpose for where you are going. 
  • Find a speed that is relaxed yet deliberate. 
  • When in doubt, move slower so you don’t appear rushed.
  • Carry only one purse or item with you to appear organized.
  • Allow your hips to sway naturally.
  • Keep your neck vertical and shoulders back.
  • Fix your gaze straight ahead or slightly upward.
  • Take slow, deep breaths as you move. 

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Enter like you own the place

Nothing says “insecure” like entering a building and rushing to the side, grabbing your phone, or immediately sitting down.

If you want to captivate people with your presence and simultaneously feel more confident about yourself, recalibrate your habits for making an entrance. 

Do’s for Confident Entrances Don’ts (Insecure Entrances)
Pause a few feet from the doorway and take a deep breath Quickly move to the perimeter of the room
Stay present and calmly examine the room Reach for your phone
Do a sweeping gaze at the people around you Darting eye contact or looking down
Rollback your shoulders and stand up tall Slouch and make yourself appear smaller
Pre-define your objective for attendance Aimlessly going out of obligation or habit 

Watch this video on How to Make a Grand Entrance and Enter Any Room Confidently:

Action Step: Practice a confident entrance in your bathroom mirror. Then, visualize yourself stepping into a crowded room or event with the utmost confidence and poise. Before entering an event, repeat this visualization and use an internal affirmation like “I’ve been here before” or “I am comfortable and free to be myself.” 

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Get out of your comfort zone

While it may seem counterintuitive, getting out of your comfort zone is a great way to get more comfortable. As you try new things, you feel more empowered and courageous.

Don’t worry. You don’t have to go skydiving or launch a business to get uncomfortable (though those will certainly do the trick!) Instead, start small by simply trying a new hobby or attending a class. 

Action Step: Commit the next week to try at least one of these 20 Simple Ways You Can Get Out of Your Comfort Zone. 

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Stop apologizing

How often do you say sorry when you don’t need to?

  • At a restaurant: “I’m sorry, could I have more water, please?”
  • At work: “Sorry to bother you, but I have a question.
  • Check out the grocery store: “I’m sorry I’m taking so long.”
  • On the phone: “Sorry, I didn’t hear you.”
  • In a social setting, if your spouse says something embarrassing: “I’m sorry, he/she isn’t usually like this.”

Over-apologizing is often associated with people-pleasing, low self-esteem, or a feeling of responsibility for other people’s actions. You may even say “sorry” just for expressing your feelings, doing regular activities, or merely existing.

By apologizing too often, you can inadvertently lower your self-esteem. You may also appear less confident amongst other people. 

Unless you indeed did something that warrants an apology, avoid apologizing for small daily actions like taking up space or making your needs known.

Action Step: For one day, keep a mental tally of how often you apologize unnecessarily. 

Then, replace the habit with something more productive:

  • Instead of saying “I’m sorry” for getting in someone’s way, say “pardon me. ” 
  • Instead of apologizing for expressing your emotions to a loved one, say “thank you for listening.”
  • Instead of apologizing for someone else’s actions, remember that you are only accountable for yourself. 

Use these 11 Expert Tips on How to Stop Being a People-Pleaser and Start Doing You. 

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Romanticize the ideal version of you

From childhood, many girls learned to romanticize their future partner or wedding. They visualize their wedding dress, their hair, the venue, and their lover. What if you applied this same concept to visualizing the ideal version of yourself?

To become the best version of yourself, you have to start by figuring out who you want to be. Start by brainstorming:

  • What are your core values? 
  • What does the most confident version of you look like? How does she walk and talk?
  • How does she feel when she’s in public?
  • How do people feel when they’re around her?

Action Step: Turn this idea of you into a sort of muse. Use this guide to create a vision board of empowering quotes, beautiful imagery, and photos of women you look up to. Visualize yourself, embodying her daily.

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Compete with yourself instead of comparing to others

Many insecurities are rooted in comparison. But external comparisons are only surface-level. 

Analyzing yourself based on somebody else’s external achievements won’t bring you the lasting confidence you crave. Instead, try to focus on what Warren Buffet calls “the inner scorecard”:

“The big question about how people behave is whether they’ve got an inner scorecard or an outer scorecard. It helps if you can be satisfied with an inner scorecard.”

— Warren Buffett

Perhaps you’re familiar with the self-destructive cycle of “if only”…

  • “If only I were as pretty as her, I’d be confident.”
  • “If only I were as successful as her, I could be happy.
  • “If only I had her body, I would feel sexy.”

But you’re not them. You are you. You can only be you. 

You are your only competition

The only worthwhile comparison to make is to look at where you are today compared to where you were 1, 5, or 10 years ago. Think of how much you have learned and grown. 

Action Step: Grab 3 index cards and reflect on the past few years of your life. On each card, label the year and write 1-3 key realizations, accomplishments, and/or phrases that summarize that chapter of your life. Lay these cards out in chronological order and admire how far you’ve come.  

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Set achievable goals 

Goal-setting closely correlates with higher self-esteem. But one of the biggest mistakes women make is setting goals that are too big and lofty for them to achieve in a reasonable time frame. You can accidentally hurt your self-confidence by falling short of extremely high or unrealistic standards you set for yourself.

Instead, it’s easier to accumulate small wins that build confidence over time. 

You want to give your brain little dopamine rushes daily to convince yourself that you really are capable of doing incredible things.

Pro Tip: This doesn’t mean you shouldn’t dream big. If you have a huge goal, like making six figures, writing a book, losing 50 pounds, or traveling the world, break it into smaller bite-sized chunks. 

This could mean asking for a modest raise, writing for 15 minutes every morning, walking 1 mile every day, or planning your first destination. As you achieve each milestone, you can feel even more confident about your ability to conquer the next.

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Be compassionate with yourself

Compassion and confidence go hand-in-hand, but we often reserve our empathy for other people while being incredibly hard on ourselves.

Surely you’re not the first human (nor the last) to embarrass yourself in front of someone you admire or make a huge mistake at work. You’re not the first to pick your nose, fart in a yoga class, or forget someone’s name. 

Yet you may still say to yourself:

  • “You’re so stupid!”
  • “I can’t believe you did that”
  • “OMG, how embarrassing, you idiot.”

Instead of beating yourself up for your mistakes or flaws, give yourself a generous dose of grace. Your insecurities can only have as much power as you give them. 

How to Do It: Think about the last time you accidentally spiraled into negative self-talk after a mistake or mishap. Imagine someone you know (perhaps your daughter, sister, or close friend) made the same mistake that you did. What would you have said to them? 

Would you have criticized her, called her names, or forced her to relive the moment repeatedly? Probably not, so why did you inflict that pain on yourself? Instead, practice telling yourself the same things you would say to comfort someone else in the same situation.

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Acknowledge your inner critic

You know that ruthless internal voice who seems to hang on your every downfall, relentlessly compare you to others, and torture you with negative self-talk? 

Your inner critic, or what Sigmund Freud called the “superego. ” Psychologists believe this self-punishing and often cruel force is rooted in childhood relationships with your caretakers.

In adulthood, it may be the same voice that tells you you’re unworthy or not good enough.

Creating an external identity for your inner critic can help you decipher that mean judgemental voice from your true self. 

Action Step: Psychologists use ACT (Acceptance and Commitment Therapy) to help disempower the inner critic by identifying, labeling it, and letting it go.

Begin to quiet destructive self-talk by naming and characterizing your inner critic. You can use the name of a childhood bully, a critical teacher, or a random neutral name of your choosing. When negative thoughts bombard you, begin to recognize them as separate from you.

Watch this TEDx Talk to learn more about rewiring your inner critic: 

Disclaimer: We are overjoyed to help you overcome inner insecurities and feel more confident in yourself. However, nothing on Science of People is medical or psychiatric advice. If you are struggling with your mental health, please reach out to a qualified professional.

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Take yourself on solo dates

Whether you’re single or in a relationship, it is empowering and nurturing to take yourself out for a change. Spending time alone is linked to more confidence, greater creativity, and more emotional stability in challenging situations. Calling it a “date” just adds a unique flair to the experience of celebrating your magnificence. 

Action Step: Set aside an evening or weekend morning for a particular date with yourself. 

  • If you prefer quiet places: Put on your favorite creative outfit and head to a museum or botanical garden. 
  • If you love nature: Pack yourself a picnic and hit up a local beach or trail for a relaxing sunrise or sunset stroll. 
  • If you enjoy crowds: Make a reservation for 1 at your favorite restaurant and get dressed up to celebrate yourself.  

During your “date,” remind yourself of all the things you love about being you. Bring your favorite book, journal, or sketchpad along for a bit of creativity and reflection

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The fear of social embarrassment can often feel crippling. Women who aren’t sure of themselves are more likely to hesitate and hold themselves back from attending parties, happy hours, or networking events. 

Nobody was born with social confidence- they built it through trial and error. When in doubt, just laugh off social mishaps and learn from them. It’s OK to feel awkward or shy, but you can grow your confidence by continuously showing up and making mistakes. 

“Stay afraid, but do it anyway. What’s important is the action. You don’t have to wait to be confident. Just do it, and eventually, the confidence will follow.”

— Carrie Fisher

Action Step: Identify 3 areas where your social game is lacking. For example, maybe last weekend, you were stuttering when you talked, checking your phone too often, or making some lame jokes that got awkward silences. Don’t sweat it; everyone has awkward social moments!  

Use this self-awareness to improve your social skills for the next event gradually. The most important thing is that you showed up! That action alone deserves a celebration. 

If you want a few tips, check out our guide to overcoming social awkwardness. 

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Get moving

Exercise is scientifically proven to improve your self-esteem, along with all its other mental and physical benefits. Whether it’s running, weightlifting, yoga, dancing, biking, or anything in between, daily movement can alleviate symptoms of low self-confidence and social withdrawal.  

Pro Tip #1: The psychological phenomenon of “enclothed cognition” explains why wearing certain clothes changes the way people think and act. 

In other words, when people put on workout gear, they feel more athletic and more inclined to work out. Use this to your advantage by investing in a cute workout outfit that makes you feel empowered to move.

Pro Tip #2: Group fitness classes and adult sports leagues are great ways to make new friends and build more confident social skills. Try out an athletic, social hobby that offers you a double-whammy, greater self-esteem, and more chances to meet like-minded people. 

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Be assertive with your boundaries

How often are you afraid to say “no” because you don’t want to disappoint someone? 

Do you ever hold back on sharing a differing opinion because it feels easier to conform to the group? 

Do you find yourself brushing it off when someone openly insults you?

Unfortunately, many women have fallen into the trap of people-pleasing that robs them of their confidence. When you are willing to stand up for yourself, “own your no,” and proudly express your viewpoint, you metaphorically put your foot down to say, “I matter.

“Each time a woman stands up for herself, without knowing it possibly, without claiming it, she stands up for all women.”

— Maya Angelou

Politely and proudly stand up for yourself by responding assertively to challenges, for example:

  • When someone asks you to do something you don’t have time for… “I am busy this week, so I won’t be able to help you with that. I hope it works out!”
  • When you have a differing opinion… “That’s interesting you see it that way. I believe this….”
  • When someone insults you… “I don’t appreciate what you said about me and found it insulting.” 

Action Step: Learn to set clear boundaries around your time and energy and assertively express them by using these 5 Ways to Draw the Line Politely.   

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Surround yourself with uplifting women

Confidence is undeniably contagious. Neuroscientists have found that some regions of your brain light up when the people around you feel confident in their decisions. In other words, when confident people surround you, you may feel more confident in yourself.

You can use this brain hack to your advantage by spending more time around women who exude poise, self-love, and uplifting positivity. It might just rub off on you!

Action Step: Take inventory of the primary friendships in your life. Which friends make you feel the best being in their presence? Have you outgrown any of your friendships? Do you have toxic people in your life that are holding you back? 

Use the Marie Kondo approach to detoxifying your relationships. Watch this video to figure out which friends truly #sparkjoy in your life or which ones you may want to let go of: 

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Know your stuff (and admit when you don’t)

People naturally feel the most confident talking about things they know a lot about. 

Research shows that preparation makes people feel more confident. For example, people typically recommend that you rehearse a speech at least 10 times before giving it.  

You can use this same tactic to prepare before socializing. Practice your introduction, your elevator pitch, or your favorite topic of discussion ahead of time.  

If you put in the effort to prepare answers to common questions, you’ll feel more prepared to talk comfortably and naturally with new people. 

Pro Tip: Don’t be afraid to admit that you’re uneducated about a specific topic. Say, “Oh, I don’t know much about that. Tell me more,” then use the opportunity to learn and ask questions. 

Avoid talking about topics you don’t know anything about or answering questions you don’t feel equipped to answer (trying to fake it can make you feel more insecure). And don’t forget to laugh it off when someone makes a joke that you don’t understand. 

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Hype yourself up with affirmations

Everyone has heard the cliche “what you think, you become,” but there’s also some robust science behind the power of how you talk to yourself. Positive affirmations increase brain activity, reduce stress, and improve relationship outcomes. They can even permanently alter your self-image. 

In other words, you can brainwash yourself to get the confidence you want! Be your cheerleader by exciting yourself up daily.

Action Step: Write down 5 things you want to believe about yourself. Then, say them as if they are already confirmed. For example,

  • “I am unique.”
  • “I am confident.”
  • “I am successful.”
  • “I love who I am.”
  • “I magnetize new friendships.”
  • “I am powerful.”
  • “I can handle anything life throws at me.”

Repeat these same 5 affirmations out loud every day for a month. Self-affirmation takes time, but the rewards can be significant. 

You can also copy one of these 120 Positive Daily Affirmations for Happiness and learn how to use affirmations in this video:

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Tell yourself all the things you’d wish they’d said

More often than not, insecurities stem from internalized perceptions of how other people treat you. Whether it was an ex-partner, an unsupportive parent, or a demeaning friend, negative comments or an absence of compliments can get imprinted on your subconscious. 

Maybe you always wished they would tell you, “you are so smart,” “you are so gorgeous,” or “I love the way you find beauty in everything.”

Celebrity psychologist Marissa Peer suggests giving yourself all the praises you crave instead of relying on others to provide you with the validation. She advises her clients to go back in time and reflect on the unsung praises they never received from people they admired. Then, she suggests repeating those words of love and affirmation to yourself. 

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Be bold and take risks

Older generations of women play it small and keep it to themselves. Thankfully, modern women have more freedom and independence than ever before. Use it to your advantage and do something daring. 

Risks can be small daily actions:

  • Starting a conversation with a stranger
  • Wearing a daring or unique outfit 
  • Going somewhere you’ve never gone before
  • Trying a new hobby
  • Taking on an unexpected project at work 

Or, you can go big. Bigger risks can give you a huge confidence boost:

  • Launching that online store you’ve always dreamed of
  • Pursuing a creative endeavor you’ve put off for years
  • Taking a solo travel trip 
  • Defying people’s expectations and trying something you’ve never done before 

The world needs more courageous women who will take action without regard for what others say. Be a bit bolder in your decisions, and you’ll find yourself remarking, “that’s right, you did that!” 

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Tally up your wins

How much time do you spend in your head beating yourself up for your downfalls or mistakes? If you’re anything like most women, probably a lot. What if you channeled those efforts into keeping track of your wins? 

Start rewarding yourself for accomplishing small things. Celebrate those wins and use them to catapult you forward into your most courageous, confident version of yourself. 

Action Step: Grab a sticky note and write down 3 things you rocked in the past month, no matter how small. Did you walk an extra mile on the treadmill? Did you nail a presentation at school or work? Did you feel super confident when on a date? 

Post your list on your mirror or car dashboard, where you can see it every day for a week. When you look at it, congratulate yourself for being the confident, powerful woman behind those accomplishments.

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Key Takeaways: How to Be a Confident Woman

Confidence can be intoxicating when you have it or crippling when you don’t. Building self-esteem takes time, but these small habit shifts can catapult you forward into your most courageous, confident version of yourself:

  • Prioritize your self-care: As women, people expect us to just give give give. But what about showing love to ourselves? Move your alone time and self-care rituals to the top of your to-do list. If you don’t fill your cup, how can you expect to pour from it? 
  • Set small goals and track your wins: Keep your eyes on the prize by following your accomplishments rather than your setbacks. Self-criticism can tear you down faster than anyone else’s opinions or negative feedback. When you catch yourself going down a dark rabbit hole, remind yourself of all the amazing things you have created and overcome.
  • Be bold, take risks, and try new things: Putting yourself in new, uncomfortable situations has the surprising benefit of making you more confident in your power. Even if you fall on your face, at least you tried (and that’s more than most people do). Grow your confidence over time by putting yourself out there and celebrating yourself.
  • Talk to yourself like you would talk to someone you love: Reclaim your sense of confidence by quieting your inner critic and replacing critical self-talk with positive affirmations. Don’t be afraid to hype yourself up, wink at yourself in the mirror, and romanticize the exquisite being that you are.

At the core of self-confidence is unshakeable self-love. How you talk to yourself and perceive your abilities will manifest in every aspect of your daily life.  

Nobody is born with confidence; it is a gift you give yourself. 

If you want a bigger confidence boost, try a 2-month long challenge with our guide on how to Build Rock Solid Self-Esteem in 8 Weeks (or less!) 

7 basic rules —

Self-confident woman —

who is this

An open look without a hint of fawning, a pleasant smile that instantly wins you over, a straight back and a light relaxed gait, despite high-heeled shoes and tight skirt. She is attractive and successful. Men see her off with admiring glances, and women with envious ones. It seems that everything is easy for her: a minimum of effort - and now the flowers are falling at her feet, the apartment is bursting with gifts, and even the patrolmen stop her solely to wish her a good day. A confident woman can do it with ease. nine0007

Although we imagine it to be so, it's actually not as easy as it seems. Men do not fall in piles, money does not fall from the sky, and children can be just as capricious. But why do you think so many of us dream about it? Why are they constantly looking for a way to become self-confident?

Because it is much easier to live in this role. Such a woman knows how to build relationships because she respects herself and others and knows how to compromise. She achieves success faster because she is proactive, energetic and makes decisions with ease. She is confident in her abilities, because she tries herself in different roles. She is happy and gets the best out of life because she knows she deserves it. nine0007

Insecure women can only silently sigh on the sidelines. Or not?

Self-confidence and high self-esteem are not a gift from the gods to chosen heroes. It is not laid in a person once and for all. It is in your power to change everything. You just need to know how to become more confident in yourself.

To be confident or insecure is a choice. Or you continue to listen to a voice laid down in childhood or by circumstances, claiming that you have hook hands and you are good for nothing. Or choose to love yourself, believe in yourself and be happy. nine0007

If the second option is more to your liking, read on - you will find 7 basic rules on how to become a confident girl.

Use them as a guide to action: make a plan, write down what and when you can do it. Work on oneself should be comprehensive and one-time in different areas. Only then the effect will not keep you waiting.

7 Basic Rules for Becoming a Confident Girl

1. Start a Bank of Praise

To believe in yourself, you need to know exactly what you are capable of. To do this, create a list of your achievements, even the most seemingly frivolous ones. Whether you write scientific papers or cook borscht superbly, these are all your achievements, and you should be proud of them. nine0007

When accumulating achievements, move from the obvious “successfully graduated from school, entered the university” to the less noticeable and mundane “telling the funniest jokes” or “singing passionately in the shower.

Maybe not right away, but you will build up your bank of praise. Review your list of successes daily to build confidence in yourself and your abilities.

If you are too self-critical and it is difficult for you to understand what you have done can be considered an achievement, get a personal praiser. Ask a friend or loved one to praise you every day for a month for everything you do. nine0007

Daily praise acts as a psychotherapeutic tool: it will help you become a confident girl and raise your self-esteem. From childhood, it is extremely important for us what they say about us - it forms our opinion about ourselves.

Collect a bank of praise or get a personal praiser - and you will form a new vision of yourself confident and successful.

Read also: How to behave with a man - 10 basic rules of behavior

2. Compliment yourself

Another secret to being self-confident is not to wait for someone to compliment you, give it to yourself. Ideal if you give yourself compliments every morning in front of the mirror. At first it will be embarrassing and even a little ashamed, but over time, compliments will turn into a pleasant morning ritual, energizing and confident for the whole day.

A smile plays a special role in this ritual. Be sure to smile warmly and sincerely at yourself when you compliment. So you will kill two birds with one stone - love yourself even more and get used to smiling openly and confidently, which will serve you well more than once in communicating with people (details in paragraph 5). nine0007

3. Rewrite your own story

What story are you telling about yourself? "I can't," "I'm a failure," "I'm trying, but I'm not succeeding"? If yes, please rewrite. No wonder our ancestors believed that words are stronger than the sword - everything that is said to oneself affects self-esteem.

Think about how you can become a self-confident girl and write a new story about yourself - about how you learn and master skills, how you do something better than others, how you know how to enjoy the smallest successes and find a reason to happiness in every day. What you tell about yourself becomes your truth in life, so cross out all the "not" from the novel about yourself - let it be a positive and fun story. nine0007

4. Take care of yourself

The first thing that catches your eye when you see a self-confident woman is external attractiveness. No matter how long we talk about the inner world of a person, we are met by clothes. Therefore, go through your wardrobe and leave in it only things that fit your figure. Throw everything baggy and indistinctly gray into a landfill, then grab a girlfriend or a stylist and go to the store for a new look. A specialist will tell you how to become a confident girl, at least in terms of appearance. nine0007

This applies not only to things to go out. Stop wearing old T-shirts at home and wearing a bathrobe all the time. Homewear should be not only comfortable, but also stylish, so that you feel like a queen, even when no one is looking.

Personal care and special beauty treatments are also required. A neat manicure, light makeup, radiant skin are indispensable attributes of a self-confident woman. Moreover, it is not so expensive to provide yourself with them today.

5. Develop communication skills

One of the best ways to become a confident woman and increase self-esteem is to master communication skills. Learn to express your thoughts correctly and beautifully, while not forgetting about facial expressions, gestures, posture and gaze.

Looking directly into the eyes will help to win the trust of the interlocutor. Facial expressions and gestures will complement the words, and posture will demonstrate the firmness of your position. An open smile will complete the image, which will help smooth out sharp corners in a conversation. nine0007

Also read: 7 Tips: How to be an interesting conversationalist

6. Go in for sports

Any undertaking requires discipline. Therefore, combine work on self-esteem with sports.

Sport will teach you regularity, rhythm, a solid daily routine and proper nutrition. It is not necessary to immediately run into the gym and lift a heavy barbell. Let it be yoga, dancing or gymnastics.

Find your sport that will inspire, energize, keep fit and delight at the same time. nine0007

7. Be a role model

The best way to remember what to do is when we try to teach it to others. How to be self-confident? Create a club of the same women, become a femininity mentor for schoolgirls, or just give some advice to your friends - this way you will help not only others, but also yourself.

Having become a role model, willy-nilly, you will strive to match it.

At some point, you will get so used to this image that you will really become that confident and successful woman that you always dreamed of being. nine0007

In addition, any man will think about how to be self-confident next to such a girl. After all, he wants to live up to her high standards. This is a challenge that only worthy candidates will respond to.

What not to do to become more self-confident?

By following these 7 tips, every day you will take a step towards your ideal of confidence and attractiveness. It remains only to remember a few points that you should never do:

  1. Do not refuse to accept compliments and gifts.
  2. Never turn your weaknesses into the main topic of conversation.
  3. Don't make excuses for other people's actions that hurt you.
  4. Don't say "yes" where you should have categorically refused.
  5. Do not belittle yourself yourself, even in jest, and do not allow others to do so.

Everything. Now you know what and how to do, and how to become a confident girl. Arm yourself with the basic rules and take the first steps towards high self-esteem. nine0045

A few tips on how to be a more confident man

Every man wants to be more attractive to a woman and completely self-confident. Thanks to this, you will behave more calmly in communication with girls. Also, you will be better able to cooperate with other people at work/school. Being confident has many benefits. So this quality needs to be developed in yourself as soon as possible.

Advice #1

Stop thinking, "I don't have a chance," "She won't want me." Instead, think only positively: "I have a good chance of being with her", "I am an interesting man" and so on. Enjoy interacting with people. Enjoy talking to other people and have a sense of humor. Nothing relieves tension and stress quite like having fun and being positive. nine0007

Tip #2

If you make a mistake, the best strategy is not to notice it. Then it's time to analyze all your failures. If you pay attention to your mistakes, you will immediately begin to think about their consequences. You made some mistake, don't even think about it and move on.

Tip #3

Overcoming fear of approaching a girl or shyness through willpower is never a good idea. Yes, you can force yourself to approach her. In the end, your self-doubt is only a mask, and in fact you are very scared and shy. It will be better if you start to develop confidence in yourself gradually. nine0007

Advice #4

If you feel fear and anxiety about approaching a girl, take a deep breath. Imagine that all this air is like a wave of pleasant aroma that passes through your body.

Tip #5

Understand that the worst has already happened. Further refraining from action will only lead to the worst possible results, that is, nothing.

Tip #6

If you expect a girl to change your life into a happy fairy tale, you are wrong. You must first make your life happy, fun and interesting. Girls appreciate it. Remember that with an interesting life comes also the self-confidence, positive attitude and energy that women love so much. nine0007

Advice #7

Don't think that the girl is interested in you or not. Don't think she likes you or not. Make sure she is interested in you and likes you.

Advice #8

Just because you've had problems communicating with women (rejection, betrayal, etc.) doesn't mean it will always be like this. The past is behind. Today you can achieve something completely different.

Advice #9

Just before approaching a girl, stop thinking that something could go wrong. No need for extra nerves and imagine future "failures". Now enjoy the moment. nine0007

Tip #10

Fear paralyzes and limits normal life. If you are afraid of something, for example, approaching a girl, then do something. Start talking to girls who are neutral for you (not interested in them), then it will be easier for you to establish contacts with other women.

Tip #11

The first "hello" should release all stress and nerves, and then it will be easier to communicate further.

Advice #12

If you don't take risks and do what you dream about, then of course the girl you dream about will not come to you. nine0007

Advice #13

If you feel nervous around the girl you like, start talking to others. Yes, it sounds a little counterintuitive, but that's exactly how it should be done. The more you put yourself in a stressful situation for you, the more self-confidence you gain. Try to communicate with unfamiliar women, even if it is a saleswoman in a store or a passerby.

Advice #14

If you drink alcohol to gain confidence, then it's a mistake. Your seeming self-confidence will disappear as soon as the alcohol evaporates from the body, and then what to do? nine0007

Tip #15

Stop waiting for results. Each of us wants something. Some want to immediately get a girl for life, others just want to have fun for the night.

Tip #16

Think through all the scenarios and what you can do. This will allow you to prepare a little for a date with a girl.

Advice #17

Being confident means being calm and relaxed. So every day do something that relaxes you.

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