How to avoid the person you love

How to Ignore Someone You Love

When learning how to ignore someone you love, it’s important to know the difference between being flirtatious and being cruel.

You are not ignoring someone you love to make them feel bad about themselves. This is not a game played to be cruel.

Ignoring someone you are attracted to is all about maintaining a certain level of distance from them to gain their interest.

Being overly available can be a turn-off for some people. If you are checking in frequently and always have time for your spouse, it can make them feel like the chase is over.

On the other hand, if you wait to respond to their texts and maintain your independence while dating, it can make you seem more appealing to your loved one.

Ignoring someone you care about isn’t for everyone. If you think your partner would benefit from a little hot-and-cold flirtation, this article is for you.

Psychology of ignoring someone

When you think about ignoring someone, your mind probably goes to a negative place. After all, when someone ignores you on purpose, it’s usually because you’ve done something hurtful or annoying to them.

This isn’t always the case. Sometimes the psychology of ignoring someone you love has everything to do with trying to get their attention – not pushing them away.

Ignoring someone you are attracted to can be a great way of getting someone into a relationship with you.

If you are already dating, it may give your partner the space to reflect on and show appreciation for your current relationship.

A study of marriage called The Early Years of Marriage Project, which has been following the same 373 married couples for over 25 years, found that a lack of privacy or time for self was responsible for creating an unhappy relationship.

It should be clarified that when speaking about learning how to ignore someone you love, this article is not condoning stonewalling. Giving a partner the silent treatment can be

psychologically damaging and emotionally abusive.

This article is speaking about using a flirtatious aloofness to catch the attention of someone you care about.

10 ways of ignoring someone you love

When someone ignores you on purpose, it can send you into a frenzy of love and affection. That is the goal for ignoring your girlfriend or boyfriend in this instance.

By not being fully available to your love interest, you make them try harder to gain your affection.

Here are 10 simple tips to learn how to ignore someone you love.

1. Don’t be too eager

For some, the flame of love begins to flicker when the chase ends.

Many enjoy the thrill of getting into a new relationship, but once there is stability, they will soon grow bored.

When you learn how to ignore someone you love, you develop a careful method of keeping things exciting without bringing chaos into the relationship.

One lesson in ignoring someone you are attracted to is to play it cool. Don’t be too eager to rush to them whenever you are in the same room.

If you meet up at a social gathering, take your time saying hello to other friends before coming up to your crush. This will give them time to get excited about talking to you.

Be friendly and fun, but don’t let them know how pleased you are to talk to them.

2. Stay strong

Ignoring someone you love isn’t easy, so it’s important to stay strong and stand your ground.

It’s hard to act like you aren’t pleased to be around your crush but stick to the plan.

When done right, ignoring the object of your affection can lead to a stronger bond and a more exciting relationship.

If you feel like your plan isn’t working, give it a few more days. Your crush may start coming around to your flirtatious wiles.

3. Don’t respond to texts right away

Learning how to ignore someone you love takes restraint, especially when it comes to calls and texts.

If your crush asks you out or sends a flirty text, you may want to respond immediately – but don’t.

The key to this plan’s success is to make yourself seem untouchable, in a sense. It’s to create an air of mystery that makes your love interest more enticed by your company.

Show some restraint and make them wait a few hours before you respond. Be kind when you do. Remember, you want them to know you are interested in them; you just don’t want them to think that when they snap, you come running.

Related Reading: Understanding the Dynamics of Texting in a Relationships

4. Live your own life

Independence is sexy.

Don’t feel like you have to invite the person you’re interested into every social event on your calendar just to get their attention. Doing the opposite may just be the trick you need to gain their affection.

Invite your crush out with some friends, and then leave them out of the next hangout. This will remind them that they are someone you enjoy spending time with, but you don’t need them around to have a good time.

When your crush sees that you are happy and independent in your life, it will reinforce that you are someone worth getting to know.

5. Be patient

Learning how to ignore someone you love takes patience. It isn’t a strategy for everyone, especially if all you want to do is wrap your arms around your loved one.

Your plan will pay off with persistence.

You may feel at times that you are rude by giving your crush the brush off, but remember that you are ignoring them because you want their attention.

Your crush may try and play it cool with you and may even give you a taste of what it feels like to be ignored. This may make you feel like your plan isn’t working, but be patient. Your plan will pay off.

6. Act busy, but not too busy

Learning how to ignore someone you love is all about striking the right balance between making your crush feel special and not being available to them.

This creates an emotional rush that will eventually strengthen your connection.

When they ask what you’re up to, tell them that you have plans, but don’t forget to give back a little, too.

Being busy doesn’t mean you can’t ever give them the time of day. If you don’t show interest in them, how can you expect them to stay interested in you?

Make plans together one week and have a blast, then brush them off for a couple of days. This will keep them on their toes about how to get you back out on your next date.

7. Don’t be rude

The psychology of ignoring someone suggests that you play them hot and cold.

This means that one minute your passions for them are burning like a blazing bonfire, and the next, they’re left feeling frozen and wondering where all of your heat went. Essentially, you’re engaging in one conversation and aloof and cool the next.

The point of ignoring someone is to elicit their interest, not to make them feel bad about themselves. Don’t be afraid to throw them a line.

Be flirtatious, be cute, show them you care and then pull away slightly. This back and forth will draw their interest and keep them on their toes about how to win your affections for good.

When someone ignores you on purpose, it can start to be draining. This is not how you want your crush to feel. The goal is to make them feel tempted by your love games, not exhausted by them.

8. Pay attention to your intuition

Learning how to ignore someone you love isn’t everyone’s cup of tea, just as learning to deal with being ignored by someone you love may not be as sexy and exciting as you hoped.

Your intuition will play an important role in how things go during your game of hot and cold.

If you sense that your crush isn’t responding well to being ignored, it may be a sign that you should retool your flirtation technique.

First, try to be hotter than you are cool. Show your crush affection more than you’re brushing them off. Having that bit of reassurance may keep them interested in the game.

If you sense they are about to give up pursuing you, take it as a sign that this may not be the right plan for you.

Also watch: 7 things highly intuitive people do differently.

9. Show interest but don’t be needy

Some people love a partner who is an open book about their feelings. They love someone who expressed their needs and desires.

Others find it overwhelming, especially at the beginning of the relationship.

Even when you’re ignoring your crush, you still want to develop a foundation for a healthy future relationship.

Studies show that couples who communicate are happier and more positive with each other. Show interest in your crush by asking open-ended questions that promote a back-and-forth dialogue.

Just be careful not to be too needy when you speak to them. You don’t want to seem clingy or overly eager to be around them.

10. Plan for an amazing payoff

When learning how to ignore someone you love, it’s important to imagine the payoff at the end.

It may seem like a struggle at times to deny the one thing you want the most – love – but it will be worthwhile when you are embracing the person you want the most.

You won’t need to keep playing games once you are in a committed relationship with your crush. By then, your relationship will be exciting enough on its own to keep their interest.

In the meantime, whenever it seems hard to ignore the one you love, remember that you are doing this to bring excitement and passion into your lives.

The payoff may even lay the foundation for an amazing future with your crush.

The dangers in ignoring someone

Learning how to ignore someone you love may seem like the best way to capture their interest, but there is a chance your hot-and-cold plan may backfire.

Your love interest may misinterpret your play for their attention as a version of the dreaded silent treatment.

The silent treatment, otherwise referred to as stonewalling, is when one person in a relationship begins ignoring their partner. They refuse to speak or acknowledge the other’s presence.

Stonewalling can also be done by using evasive maneuvers such as pretending to be busy or physically turning away from your spouse.

Dr. John Gottman referred to stonewalling as one of the “four horsemen of the apocalypse” of relationships in his research ‘A Theory of Marital Dissolution and Stability.’ 

Feeling ignored may cause your partner to react in one of two ways:

  • They will think you don’t like them. If your crush isn’t into playing games, they may take your silence as a sign that you aren’t interested in them.
  • They will stop liking you. Ignoring someone may come off as rude, petty, and emotionally distressing to your spouse. If you play with their feelings for too long without letting up, they may lose interest in the relationship and break things off.

Ignoring your girlfriend or boyfriend can be a sexy game that ends with both of you showered in attention, but it can also cause some damage to your relationship.

You know your partner best. If they do not seem like the type of person who would respond favorably to the psychology of ignoring someone, it’s best to choose a different way of showing your affection.


Learning how to ignore someone you love is an art.

Why ignore someone? Done correctly, your love game will have the object of your affection more interested in you than ever.

Ignoring someone you love can be done in just a few simple steps.

Don’t be too eager to respond to their texts and calls. This will make them even more excited to talk to you.

Stay strong. Ignoring your girlfriend or boyfriend can be tough, especially when all you want to do is showering them with love and attention, but it will all pay off in the end.

Act busy, but not so busy that your loved one loses interest. You want to give them just enough attention to keep them interested in you.

If you’ve ever had to deal with being ignored by someone you love, you know it’s not always a great feeling.

When someone ignores you on purpose, it can make the person on the receiving end feel like their emotions do not matter.

Follow your gut instinct. If you don’t feel like this method of flirtation works well with your partner, cut it loose. Don’t risk hurting your loved one’s feelings over the psychology of ignoring someone.

Ignoring someone you are attracted to can have great results if done properly. Just remember to treasure your spouse once you have their attention. A healthy relationship revolves around communication, love, and trust – you can’t ignore them forever.

How To Stop Loving Someone That You Shouldn't

Love is often idealized, which makes some love almost feel like a buried treasure. We often search for love in the wrong places. The truth is that love, in various forms, is all around us. However, being in love with a person who brings only suffering and drama in your life is not worth the misery. Throughout this article, we will help you discover how you can stop loving someone that you should not and how to forget someone you love and learn how to stop liking someone.

Ask Yourself How You Really Feel About Your Relationship

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Reasons Why You Shouldn't Love Someone

Everyone has their reasoning for wanting to stop loving someone. If you're unsure about your situation, here are a few reasons why you may want to consider avoiding devoting your love to a particular person.

They Love Someone Else

There are multiple reasons why you should direct your attention elsewhere when the person of your affection is in a relationship with someone else. You are likely setting yourself up for disappointment and frustration if you try to interfere. If they are happy and committed, then you are in love with an imaginary situation that is simply not meant to happen. In addition, the entailed drama would likely carry over into any relationship you form with this person if one were to form.

Odds are that they love the person they are with. Otherwise, they would have left them before starting a serious relationship. As with nearly every relationship where a partner is cheating, it's usually because they are not having their needs met, so they find someone else to fill them. If this sounds like you, then you were essentially what they needed at the moment and not necessarily what they were looking for in a long-term relationship. Although it's bitter, it is certainly not your fault.

They're Abusive

Abusive partners can seem quite charming at times, which is exactly how the cycle of abuseworks. They pull you in just enough so that you aren't expecting the next episode of violence. If you notice a pattern of abuse from your partner, be cautious, and plan a safe way to leave.

This is an area that you should never accept regardless of the circumstances. There are different types of abuse, such as physical, emotional, and sexual. If you are enduring any form of abuse, you must leave immediately and seek help. Abuse causes long-lasting emotional trauma and can manifest as a physical ailment, depression, anxiety, or some other form.

Many victims state that they cannot leave the abuser out of fear of retaliation, but some entities can help keep you safe. You do not need to live in fear; help is available.

You're In A Relationship With Them Already, And They Ignore You

This is a catch-22 because you are in a relationship to share your life with a partner, but your partner is not interested in you. Giving love to someone who is not actively giving it back is a futile effort. Giving love selflessly is a beautiful thing to do, but a relationship only works when both people participate.

One way to recognize if you are in this type of relationship is to acknowledge what type of conversations you have together. Do the conversations revolve around both of you or just your partner? Do they inquire about how your day went or what you would like to do on the weekend, or is silence their choice of communication when it comes to you? If you feel lonely when you are together with your partner, this is a good indication that they are ignoring you and that you have a one-sided relationship. Consider this as a wake-up call to find someone that is just as interested in you as you are them.

They're Your Friend's Ex

While this may seem like a well-known, unwritten rule, it happens. Unless you are prepared to possibly lose your friend, avoid dating their ex. It doesn't matter what they feel or says about their ex. Whether they hate them, still love them, or feel indifferent towards them, try avoiding the situation altogether. It will likely strain your friendship, and your new partner may feel awkward attending events where their ex is.

They're Your Ex

Sometimes the second time around works better than the first because both partners have matured, grown, and are better equipped to commit to a relationship. Yet, most of the time, a second-chance relationship doesn't work. Remember, you broke up for a reason the first time. It's important to understand that most individuals do not change their habits unless it benefits them. This means that old habits that once annoyed you could still be present. It doesn't matter which one of you left or came back. All that matters is that you are both on the same page when it comes to reconciling and discussing potential pitfalls in a relationship.

They're Not Interested In You

If you make it known that you are fascinated with a person, and they have absolutely no interest in you, then don't bother wasting your time and energy. Perhaps they will eventually see what you have to offer and how terrific of a person you are, and maybe they won't. But until they do, save yourself the rejection and spend your time instead with people worthy of your attention.

How Do You Stop Loving Someone?

You can follow these tips to help release your heart from the grip of an inappropriate love.

  • Start by writing down all the reasons you love the person. Then, write down if you are seeing the same level of commitment from them.
  • Remind yourself of the reasons why it probably wouldn't work.
  • Distract yourself from other activities. Soon, those activities will become the things you naturally give your attention to.
  • Be honest with them about your intention to leave them alone.
  • Avoid constantly checking in on them.
  • Replace the future scenarios in your head. Create a new ideal future that doesn't involve that person.
  • Take time to invest in yourself. You are the person that you will have the longest-lasting relationship with. Embrace yourself and make yourself a priority. After all, you can't fully love someone until you love yourself.

Ask Yourself How You Really Feel About Your Relationship

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Realizing that a relationship is not working out can be devastating and produce feelings of grief. It is important to allow yourself to have these feelings and go through them rather than avoid them or place blame on yourself. Avoiding them can cause feelings of depression or failure. If the relationship did not work out, try not to think of yourself as a failure. After all, you were successful in navigating a situation that was not working well for you and your needs. This is a quality of strength, not a failure.

If you are feeling depressed about detaching yourself from someone, there is help available. Talking with a counselor can help you to sort through your thoughts and feelings and teach you how to secure a healthy relationship that will work well and fit your needs. For help finding more satisfying relationships with friends and romantic partners, chat with a certified counselor.

Alternative Solutions

Deciding to seek counseling is a significant first step to living a healthier life. However, if you don't feel like you're ready right now, consider trying some of these alternative solutions below.

Set Standards

You might be head over heels for someone, but are you sure that they can meet your needs in a relationship? If you're not sure what exactly you want, it might be time to set a few standards for yourself so that you can paint a clearer picture of what you're looking for in someone.

Explore Other Options

Sometimes it's easy to get so caught up in pursuing one person that you forget entirely about all of the other options. Simply because one person doesn't seem to be interested in you doesn't mean that there isn't someone else with their eyes on you. Don't be afraid to explore your other options before deciding to settle down with someone.

Focus On Love For Yourself

Although you should never allow someone to give you the impression that you need to change anything about yourself, you may find it beneficial to take on some self-care. In other words, take your time being single to focus on yourself. Who knows - you may even discover a new hobby or interest.

Consider Online Help For Love

There is no shame in getting help. BetterHelpoffers discreet online counseling with professionals who do care about you. Our vetted therapists are here to help you conquer any of your relationship issues, no matter how hopeless you may feel. Whether you're going through a bad breakup or you just can't seem to get over someone, we're available to help you live a healthier life, on your schedule. Below are some reviews of BetterHelp counselors, from people experiencing similar issues.

Therapist Reviews

"Julia is a very open-minded, understanding, and warm-hearted person. She listened with kindness and without judgment. Her advice helped me tremendously through a bad breakup and ensuing personal problems. Her advice and understanding have been very helpful in guiding me to a healthier mind frame."

"A year ago I was experiencing difficulties in my relationship, which highly affected my psychological state and interfered with my work. At one point, I decided to try My counselor Dr. Brewer helped me to see some things I couldn't on my own and encouraged me to prioritize myself. It was a huge help for me at that point, which led to the decisions I am happy about."

Online Therapy Can Help You Stop Loving Someone You Love

Letting go of someone before you ever have the chance to fall in love can be challenging. There might be several reasons why they might not feel the same way for you, but under no circumstance should you assume that there's something wrong with you or that you should stop loving someone because they don't return your feelings. A Healthy and fulfilling love life is possible - you just need the right tools. You can take the first step today.

Love Can Sometimes Hurt With Someone - How Therapy Can Help

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stop loving someone.

Frequently Asked Questions (FAQs)

Can you ever forget someone you love?

Once you've been in love with a person, likely, you will always remember them. Because you aren't with them anymore doesn't mean you stop loving them. The pain of a separation or breakup can make you feel like you want to stop being in love with them stone-cold -but this isn't how love works. You can't just stop being in love with a person at will. Loving a person is usually a lifelong thing. Love doesn't fade away spontaneously. One day you might stop longing for them, and you're confident that your wounds and pain are all gone. Yet deep down within you, you know that if you find another opportunity to love them in the manner you want, you aren't sure you will pass it up. 

Can you stop loving someone if you truly loved them?

It's unlikely that you will stop being in love with someone just because you broke up. Breaking up with someone doesn't mean that you will quit being in love with them. Your feelings may change (or fade) over time as you learn how you can get over them, but it's doubtful that you will ever completely quit being in love with them. Many people think that they no longer love them because they have stopped longing for a physical attachment with someone. They believe that love is gone, whereas they only feel that way about love because they have not seen the person. Usually, these lies look like reality just because there's a physical detachment. Many people develop mental health issues because they can't process these feelings. They have a hard time understanding that they can love someone who isn't with them physically. Don't forget that you will live again and love again. A professional can provide advice on ways you can quit loving someone romantically, and deal with the pain of a breakup.

How do you heal a broken heart?

If you're looking for ways you can quit being in love with someone or heal a broken heart - you should understand that this is a process - and that it takes time. No one can stop being in love with someone overnight. Sometimes it will take months for healing a broken heart. Sometimes a broken heart can cause acute trauma and mental health issues.

We all have a hard time letting go, but luckily all broken hearts mend even though your grieving process may take months. Self-improvement is important. Improve yourself every way you can, take care of any underlying health issues, practice yoga, and meditate to rid yourself of negative emotions.

Look for support. There are always resources to help you out, including family members and coworkers. Reflect on your old experiences and talk about them, this can help. An excellent method to heal a broken heart fast is to spend time and do fun things with family and friends. Use social media outlets to connect with other people. This method helps you process old emotions and create new ones.

How long can it take to get over someone?

If you're wondering how to quit being in love with someone, remember it can take some time to get over them. When you're in love with a person and it doesn't work out, your mind needs time to heal and recover from the separation as you adjust to life without your loved one. Some people get over breakups and relationships effortlessly, while others may find themselves struggling to quit being in love with someone years later. It can take months to get over another person, and the grieving process is tiresome and stressful. Some others will never get over another person, which leads to issues in their subsequent relationships. Don't forget that you can genuinely care about a person and still love a different person. If it's taking you too long, talk to one of the licensed therapists at BetterHelp to circumvent any mental health trauma.

Why can't I stop thinking about someone?

Being in love with a person isn't a switch that you can just turn off overnight. When you've invested time and energy into being in love with a person, you can't realistically expect to quit being in love with them (or quit thinking about them overnight.) Remember it took some time for your love to build and grow. It will also take time to get over the love and loss of a relationship. Positive psychology dictates that you meet and connect with other people. Sometimes because you focus on one person, you won't see the light and love in others. It's also good to find a new hobby, find distractions, don't sit in the room, and will the person away. If you are having difficulties letting go, you can speak with certified therapists at BetterHelp.

Do feelings go away?

While feelings don't necessarily "go away" - they do change. This means that it's unrealistic to expect to quit loving a person because you broke up with them. You can expect to feel better about the separation over time as you learn ways to move on with your life. However, the feelings may not go away quickly or ever leave you completely. A few times, it can be hard for people to move on, or even love another person appropriately. It’s because they still have feelings for an old flame. This is not good for the person, so they need to find a way to release themselves. They need to open their hearts to new possibilities and potentials. If you're having trouble coping and feel like you want to quit being in love with a person you care about, talk to a licensed relationship expert for support and advice.

How do you know when it's time for ending a relationship?

If you're wondering if you should quit being in love with a person, it is a sign of a deeper issue. We usually only consider the need to quit being in love with a person when things aren't going well. Determine what you feel about your relationship and why you feel like you want to quit being in love with your partner. In some relationships, people decide to hang on when there are signs that it's over. A potent reason cab be that they are in love, but most times love isn't enough to hold a relationship together. Another obvious sign is if you only feel obligated to stay with your partner because you have been together for a long time.  

How to forget a person after a breakup: a psychologist answers

At the same time, try to distract yourself from sad thoughts: chat with friends, go in for a pleasant sport, start a new hobby. Good help to distract new dates.

The main mistakes that people make after parting

1. The most important mistake is a quick entry into a new relationship. Without living through the gap, you will transfer all the hopes, claims and familiar roles to a new relationship, and the new partner will be only a lifeboat for you.

2. Trying to get your partner back - especially after he said outright that he doesn't want to be with you anymore.

3. Total devaluation or endless idealization of broken relationships as a former partner. To some extent, devaluation can help, but if you get carried away with it, it will slow down the process of mourning that needs to be lived.

4. No tears. Be sure to mourn your loss, you can even make a list of "What I lost (a) with this relationship."

What to do if the partner left for another?

When someone is preferred to you, it is a very painful trauma. Here it is important to support your "I" and separate the partner's life from your own. It is important to understand that something happened in the partner's life that led him to decide to meet his needs elsewhere. This does not apply to your life and your boundaries. This is your partner's life and his decision, for which you cannot be held responsible. You can imagine this situation as a natural disaster. Hurricane Katrina in 2005 practically wiped out New Orleans, not because its inhabitants are bad people, but because it is a natural disaster from which no one is immune.

Remember, choosing your partner is not your decision, not your psychological process, and not your responsibility. Your responsibility was only within the framework of the relationship with your partner, but if he decided to interrupt them, then you cannot influence this.

- Support yourself on all levels: physical, mental, emotional.

- Surround yourself with close people who can understand and support.

- Pay special attention to your physical condition: eat regularly and well, get enough sleep, exercise, go for massage, etc.

- Try to avoid contact with the former partner as much as possible.

- Treat yourself with love and remember that you were separated not because you are bad, but because the circumstances so happened.

What do you do when you feel like you can't live without your loved one?

It is very important to remember and even write down how you lived before your partner appeared. In this case, you do not need to use adjectives in a comparative degree: boring, worse, sadder. Describe specifics and facts: where did you live, with whom did you communicate, what did you do in your free time, what did you enjoy. It is important to restore in memory the reality that was before the relationship. This is necessary so that at the moments when you begin to sink into grief, remember that there is a completely material world around you, in which you exist - a holistic and independent person who has his own life.

At the same time, do not be afraid to be sad: in the stage of mourning, depression is a normal stage. But it is important to control the depth and intensity of this state. If you lose contact with reality, your social ties collapse, you cannot work, then you need to go to a specialist - a psychotherapist or psychiatrist. If you feel bad and sad, but at the same time you can work, do business and keep in touch with friends, this is the depression that is functional. Grieve, mourn, feel the loss - so that later you can start building a new life.

How to let go of the person you love and remove him from your thoughts

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said that he was leaving because he could not love you. The girl with whom you thought you were the same in everything, with whom you dreamed of building a family, admitted that she was marrying another. The feeling of rejection, the pain of breaking the connection ... The more significant the relationship was, the harder it is for them to end. How to let go of a loved one? This task seems inconceivable.

When the heart is filled with love, we are trusting and open. We like to be around, invest in relationships and do things together. We are interested in what our loved one is doing, we want to surprise and please him. We are always ready to support, warm, feed and protect. And now it turns out that our participation is not required. Our gifts and our presence are not encouraging.

Understanding that we are no longer needed by a loved one can be so unbearable that the psyche begins to defend itself

The psychology of grief expresses itself, as you know, in several stages: shock and denial, guilt, anger, bargaining, depression... Thus, someone lives in the expectation that the former partner will come to his senses and return. He looks for reasons to meet and call, clings to every message, giving a special meaning to what was said: “He said goodbye to me so warmly, this is no coincidence!”

Another goes on the warpath: incites conflict in social networks, sues endlessly over the payment of alimony or the division of children or property. This is also sometimes an attempt to keep a person, although it is rather peculiar. The third is looking for oblivion in doping of various kinds: from shopping and hard work to psychoactive substances.

So how can you let your husband go if he has fallen out of love? This process is likely to be difficult, because it is, in fact, about the experience of loss. We don't just break up with a particular person. With the departure of a partner, our picture of ourselves is collapsing (in which we are loved and important to another), the picture of the world (we are together, one whole, and we feel good), the horizon of the future is collapsing (we will have a home, family, grandchildren ...).

Moreover, when we lose relationships, we lose our past, which included the happiness of first dates, confessions, and photographs. What is there - a whole life, which is now being questioned, as it seems unreal.

How do you let go of the person you love after a breakup?


Give your ex a choice

"How to let go of the girl you love?" This is much easier to do if you think about the fact that relationships without mutual love are built on lies. There is no question of trust, honesty, intimacy in them. A loved one is not a thing that can be forcibly kept in the space of your life. Do you really need such a relationship in which there is no life, no future?

Your partner is not you, they are different. Perhaps, having made such a decision, he makes a mistake and later regrets what happened. But this is his choice, and should be treated with respect. Not agreeing to let go of the guy or girl you love is denying the other person their right to autonomy, their right to be a separate person.

2. Stop defending yourself

Many people want to avoid tears and worries, because it is hard and painful. It seems that it will be easier if the grief is “pushed” into a distant box and get down to business. But in this way we only “conserve” our feelings, do not allow them to “flow” and be replaced by others.

It is important to express one's grief, resentment, anger. When we mourn, we experience the loss of that valuable, good thing that was in our life. Give yourself sympathy and comfort like a good mother gives her child. Feel: you are not alone, because at least one person is always there for you - it is you. And you can take care of yourself.

3. Create a memory

Having fallen in love with your partner, you obviously saw in him something attractive, valuable, worthy of admiration. What exactly? Write about what attracted you, what was good and right in your relationship. Let it be a diary of memories or a few letters "on the table."

This exercise has two bonuses. Firstly, in this way you transform the tearing present into history, into past experience, which will gradually be perceived less and less painfully and in the end will remain in memory as something bright. And this is probably the healthiest way to remove intrusive memories from thoughts. Secondly, these letters will tell you . .. about yourself. About what is important and dear to you. And this is something that cannot be lost, that will remain with you forever.

4. Redirect love

How to let go of the person you love? Perhaps try to replace it? In reality, this is impossible, but something else is important: love itself, in the words of the Apostle Paul, "never ceases." It can always be directed to someone or something that is waiting and needs you - friends, parents, children, a new partner, or yourself. Start building your life today and plans for the future - not in spite of, but because of this experience.

In time, you may feel light and free. Because you have your life and you have a past that no one can take away. And then, having accidentally found out one day that your ex-partner is happy in other respects, you suddenly feel: I am glad that he is doing well.

Three books on the topic:
  1. Susan Elliott, The Gap. How to survive a breakup and build a new happy life”

  2. Psychologies “I think about him”: how to survive a breakup and love another”

  3. Steven Gross “The art of living.

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