How long can dissociation last

Dissociative disorders - NHS

Dissociative disorders are a range of conditions that can cause physical and psychological problems.

Some dissociative disorders are very shortlived, perhaps following a traumatic life event, and resolve on their own over a matter of weeks or months. Others can last much longer.

Symptoms of a dissociative disorder

Symptoms of dissociative disorder can vary but may include:

feeling disconnected from yourself and the world around you
forgetting about certain time periods, events and personal information
feeling uncertain about who you are

having multiple distinct identities
feeling little or no physical pain

Dissociation is a way the mind copes with too much stress.

Periods of dissociation can last for a relatively short time (hours or days) or for much longer (weeks or months).

It can sometimes last for years, but usually if a person has other dissociative disorders.

Many people with a dissociative disorder have had a traumatic event during childhood.

They may dissociate and avoid dealing with it as a way of coping with it.

Types of dissociative disorder

There are several different types of dissociative disorder.

The 3 main types are:

depersonalisation-derealisation disorder
dissociative amnesia
dissociative identity disorder

Depersonalisation-derealisation disorder

Depersonalisation is where you have the feeling of being outside yourself and observing your actions, feelings or thoughts from a distance.

Derealisation is where you feel the world around is unreal. People and things around you may seem "lifeless" or "foggy".

You can have depersonalisation or derealisation, or both together. It may last only a few moments or come and go over many years.

Dissociative amnesia

Someone with dissociative amnesia will have periods where they cannot remember information about themselves or events in their past life.

They may also forget a learned talent or skill.

These gaps in memory are much more severe than normal forgetfulness and are not the result of another medical condition.

Some people with dissociative amnesia find themselves in a strange place without knowing how they got there.

They may have travelled there on purpose, or wandered in a confused state.

These blank episodes may last minutes, hours or days. In rare cases, they can last months or years.

Dissociative identity disorder

Dissociative identity disorder (DID) used to be called multiple personality disorder.

Someone diagnosed with DID may feel uncertain about their identity and who they are.

They may feel the presence of other identities, each with their own names, voices, personal histories and mannerisms.

The main symptoms of DID are:

memory gaps about everyday events and personal information
having several distinct identities

Associated conditions

Someone with a dissociative disorder may also have other mental health conditions, such as:

medically unexplained symptoms
post-traumatic stress disorder
depression
mood swings
anxiety and panic attacks
suicidal tendencies or self-harm
phobias
an eating disorder
obsessive compulsive disorder

They may also have problems sleeping (insomnia).

Causes of dissociative disorder

The causes of dissociative disorders are not well understood.

They may be related to a previous traumatic experience, or a tendency to develop more physical than psychological symptoms when stressed or distressed.

Someone with a dissociative disorder may have experienced physical, sexual or emotional abuse during childhood.

Some people dissociate after experiencing war, kidnapping or even an invasive medical procedure.

Switching off from reality is a normal defence mechanism that helps the person cope during a traumatic time.

It's a form of denial, as if "this is not happening to me".

It becomes a problem when the environment is no longer traumatic but the person still acts and lives as if it is, and has not dealt with or processed the event.

Diagnosing dissociative disorders

A GP may examine you and do some tests to check if another illness might be the cause of your symptoms.

They may also refer you to a mental health specialist for a full assessment.

Assessment

The specialist who carries out your assessment should have a good understanding of dissociative disorders.

The assessment may include:

a physical examination to rule out things like a head injury or drug or alcohol misuse
questions about your thoughts, feelings, behaviour and your symptoms

It's important to be honest about your symptoms and not to feel ashamed or embarrassed, so you can receive the help and support you need.

Treatments for dissociative disorders

Many people with a dissociative disorder make a full recovery with treatment and support.

Talking therapies

Talking therapies are often recommended for dissociative disorders.

The aim of talking therapies such as counselling is to help you cope with the underlying cause of your symptoms, and to learn and practise techniques to manage the periods of feeling disconnected.

Medicines

There's no specific medicine to treat dissociation, but medicines like antidepressants may be prescribed to treat associated conditions like depression, anxiety and panic attacks.

If you're feeling suicidal

If you have thoughts about taking your life, it's important you ask someone for help.

It's probably difficult for you to see it at this time, but you're not alone or beyond help.

There are people you can talk to who want to help:

speak to a friend, family member or someone you trust, as they may be able to help you calm down and find some breathing space
call the Samaritans free 24-hour support service on 116 123
go to your nearest A&E and tell the staff how you're feeling
contact NHS 111
make an urgent appointment to see a GP

Find out more about getting help if you're feeling suicidal

What to do if you're worried about someone

If you're worried that someone you know may be considering suicide, try to encourage them to talk about how they're feeling.

Listening is the best way to help. Try to avoid offering solutions and try not to judge.

If they have previously been diagnosed with a mental health condition, such as depression, you can speak to a member of their care team for help and advice.

Further help and support

If you have a dissociative disorder, getting help and support is an important part of the recovery process.

Talking to your partner, family and friends about how your past experiences have affected you can help you come to terms with what happened, as well as helping them understand how you feel.

Mental health charity Mind has more information on dissociative disorders and a list of support organisations.

Reading about other people with similar experiences may also help.

You can read people's personal accounts of living with a number of different mental health conditions on healthtalk. org.

Causes, Diagnosis, Symptoms, and Treatment

Written by Keri Wiginton

What Are Symptoms of Dissociation?

When you have dissociation, you may forget things or have gaps in your memory. You may think the physical world isn't real or that you aren't real.

You may notice other changes in the way you feel, such as:

Have an out-of-body experience
Feel like you are a different person sometimes
Feel like your heart is pounding or you're light-headed
Feel emotionally numb or detached
Feel little or no pain

Other symptoms you can get are:

Have an altered sense of time
Not remember how you got somewhere
Have tunnel vision
Hear voices in your head
Have intense flashbacks that feel real
Become immobile
Get absorbed in a fantasy world that seems real

Causes of Dissociation

Trauma. You may psychologically disconnect from the present moment if something really bad happens to you. This is called peritraumatic dissociation. Experts believe this is a technique your mind uses to protect you from the full impact of the upsetting experience you had.

Peritraumatic dissociation can happen when you've been through things like:

Sexual or physical assault
Childhood abuse
Combat
Torture or capture
Motor vehicle accidents
Natural disasters

If you've had disturbing experiences over and over, you may get severe forms of dissociation known as dissociative disorders. You may leave your normal consciousness, forget things, or form different identities within your mind.

Hypnosis. When you daydream or let your mind wander, you are in a type of "auto-hypnotic state." You may no longer have a strong awareness of your body. Other types of hypnosis may put you in a deeper dissociated state. A trained professional may use therapeutic hypnotherapy to help you manage pain, anxiety, addictive behaviors, or posttraumatic stress disorder (PTSD).

Certain drugs. You may lose your sense of identity or reality if you drink alcohol or take illicit drugs. Research shows that people who take psychedelics, like psilocybin and LSD, report briefly losing their sense of self.

Meditation. Like daydreaming, you may become less aware of the here and now while you meditate. Some expert meditators say they lose an awareness of their self or body during certain mindfulness meditation practices.

Related Mental Health Conditions

You may have dissociation with certain mental health disorders. Besides schizophrenia and PTSD, dissociation is also linked to:

Acute stress disorder
Borderline personality disorder
Affective disorders
Obsessive-compulsive disorder
Depression
Eating disorders

Warning Signs

It's possible to have dissociation and not know it. If you have a dissociative disorder, for example, you may keep your symptoms hidden or explain them another way.

Common signs you or a loved one should watch out for include:

Rapid mood swings
Trouble remembering personal details
Forgetfulness about things you've said or done
Behavior or abilities that change (altered identities)
Depression, anxiety, or panic attacks
Thoughts of suicide or self-harm
Substance abuse
Failed treatments or hospitalizations for mood disorders

Children with a dissociation disorder may:

Seem spacey
Stare out the window a lot
Have imaginary friends
Forget they've said or done something
Have ADHD or other learning disabilities

Diagnosis of Dissociation

Your doctor will give you a physical exam and ask about any past physical or mental health issues. You should let them know if you take illicit drugs or any medication. They may check a sample of your blood or run other tests to rule out an illness or other medical condition as the cause of your dissociation. They may also order an electroencephalogram (EEG), a painless test that measures brain waves, to rule out certain types of seizure disorders that can sometimes cause dissociation.

Your doctor may then refer you to a mental health specialist. You might see a psychiatrist, psychologist, or psychiatric social worker. They will want to know about any severely troubling events you've had in the past.

They may give you other tests, including:

Dissociative Experiences Scale (DES)
Structured Clinical Interview for Dissociation

Treatment for Dissociation

There is no specific drug to treat dissociation, but it's possible to get better with a mix of medication and counseling. Your doctor will tailor your care based on how severe your symptoms are and their cause.

Your treatment may include:

Psychotherapy. This kind of treatment may help you find the cause of your dissociation. But the goal is to help you manage or get rid of your symptoms.

Types of psychotherapy may include:

Cognitive behavioral therapy. It's designed to help you see and change negative thoughts and behaviors.
Hypnotherapy. You may find it easier to explore and process your memories when you are in a relaxed state. You should only do this with a professional certified in hypnosis who is trained in dissociative disorders and PTSD.
Phasic trauma treatment. This treatment aims to help you stop suicidal thoughts or self-destructive behavior first. Then your psychotherapist will slowly help you process any traumatic memories and re-integrate your identities, if necessary.
Family treatment. You may find it helpful to get support from a spouse, partner, or other loved one.
Dialectical behavioral therapy. It may help you learn skills to control your emotions and stop harmful behavior. This is a common treatment for borderline personality disorder.
Eye movement desensitization and reprocessing. It uses techniques from cognitive behavioral therapy along with visual exercises to help you work through memories of severely troubling events. It may help stop your nightmares, flashbacks, or other PTSD symptoms.

Add-on medication. Your doctor may give you antidepressants, a mood stabilizer, or other drugs to help with anxiety or sleep problems. If you have schizophrenia, you may need an antipsychotic.

What is Dissociative Identity Disorder?

Dissociative Identity Disorder is a mental disorder characterized by either having two or more personalities, or a state of disconnection from the outside world, one's identity, and an inability to recall certain daily life events and important personal information. This disorder is often mistaken for depression, anxiety, or psychosis. Long before our days, this condition was called possession, and it was treated with exorcism. In the 19th century, this disorder was called hysteria, and in the 20th century it was called multiple personality disorder or multiple personality disorder.

Types of dissociative personality disorder

There are several types of dissociative disorders, which are characterized by different symptoms and manifestations. One of them is dissociative fugue, a disorder in which a person can find himself in a completely unfamiliar place and not remember how he got there. In this case, a person may forget some important information about himself and not even remember his name. At the same time, memory for some information, such as literature, science, and other things, can be preserved. In a state of fugue, a person assumes a different personality and identity with a different character, mannerisms and behavior. While in this identity, a person can lead an outwardly normal life. A dissociative fugue can last for hours or years. After that, a person may find himself in a completely unfamiliar place and at the same time not remember anything that happened to him in a state of fugue.

A person who has a dissociative disorder is actually suffering a lot from their condition.

Another type of dissociative disorder is the presence of several personalities in which a person finds himself in turn or simultaneously. At such moments, he disconnects from himself and stops feeling his own body, and also cannot see himself from the outside. Personalities within a person can have different ages, genders, nationalities, mental abilities, temperaments, and behave in completely different ways. Often these personalities can even have different physiological manifestations. For example, while in one personality, a person can see poorly and wear glasses, and in another, have excellent vision and walk without glasses or lenses (or think that he sees perfectly and does without glasses). Just as in the case of dissociative fugue, when switching, one person cannot remember what happened to the person during immersion in another.

Manifestations of dissociative identity disorder

This disease affects both children (adolescents) and adults and presents with similar symptoms. However, dissociative disorder with multiple personalities in adolescents is quite rare. In old age, dissociation practically does not develop. When a specialist suspects a person of dissociative identity disorder, he usually asks if it happened that the person suddenly found himself in some place and did not understand how he got there. Also, the patient may suddenly speak in a completely different voice, he may have a different handwriting. For example, a person who has one of his personalities as a child may suddenly begin to write in a child's handwriting. Such phenomenal manifestations can be evoked in a patient suffering from dissociative personality disorder, and in a state of hypnosis. That is why the French psychiatrist Jean-Martin Charcot at one time mistakenly believed that hypnosis is a pathological condition that causes hysteria and the manifestation of multiple personalities. However, later it turned out that hypnosis is only superficially similar to dissociative personality disorder, but does not cause it, and the disease itself develops without any connection with hypnosis.

See also

Myths about hypnosis

A person who has a dissociative disorder is, in fact, suffering greatly from his condition. He sees the negative or dismissive attitude of those around him: they look at him strangely, they reject him, no one finds a common language with him, because of him the family can collapse, and so on. At the moment of a dissociative state, a person does not have the opportunity to critically look at himself and his own behavior. That is, in a situation where one of the alternative personalities appears, he is in an inadequate state.

The main theory about the origin of this disease is based on the fact that in childhood such people experienced a traumatic situation, usually bullying or violence.

Dissociation is one of three conditions in which the patient is exempt from criminal liability, along with psychosis and mental retardation. There were cases when people in a dissociative state committed murder and rape. In such situations, even taking into account the severity of the crimes, patients are not sent to prison, but are sent to a psychiatric hospital or, in extreme cases, to a special ward of the psychiatric department of the prison.

Causes of dissociative identity disorder

Scientists have not yet found the genetic causes of dissociative identity disorder. The main theory about the origin of this disease is based on the fact that in childhood such people experienced a traumatic situation, usually bullying or violence. However, even this theory does not explain all 100% of cases of dissociative states. There are patients who, without an overt or identified traumatic situation in childhood, suffer from dissociative personality disorder. With regard to the physiological manifestations of this disorder, there is an assumption that in such patients certain areas of the brain stop working and others turn on. However, none of the theories suggesting physiological causes of dissociation currently explains all cases of the disease.

Diagnosis of dissociative identity disorder

Diagnosis of dissociative identity disorder is made through clinical interviews with several specialists. Sometimes the diagnosis requires not one, but several meetings with psychologists and psychiatrists, so that they have the opportunity to identify different aspects of the disorder, look at the patient's condition from several points of view and assemble a consultation. However, the specialist who identifies this disorder must have a great deal of experience and qualifications, since this disease can often be confused with others. In its manifestations, it can be similar to depression, anxiety or psychosis. It is also common for patients with dissociative identity disorder to be diagnosed with schizophrenia. Dissociation is a rare disorder and not every mental health professional can diagnose this condition.

Medications do not cure dissociative identity disorder, but only relieve some of the symptoms.

See also

Mental norm and pathology

A separate task for a specialist in the process of diagnosing dissociation in a child is to distinguish diseases from the presence of imaginary friends in a child, which very often appear in perfectly healthy children at a certain age. To do this, a specialist must be highly qualified in the field of developmental psychology and clearly be able to recognize a dissociative disorder not only in adults, but also in children.

Treatment of dissociative identity disorder

The main treatment for dissociative personality disorder is hypnosis. Sometimes specialists connect methods of psychoanalysis or cognitive-behavioral psychotherapy to treatment. Also, in some cases, medication is used to relieve symptoms. Drugs are prescribed if the disorder is accompanied by depression, panic attacks, drug or alcohol addiction. Medications do not cure dissociative identity disorder, but only relieve some of the symptoms. If a child suffers from this disease, then specialists carry out separate work with his parents, provide them with methods of proper communication with the child to improve the results of his treatment.

If you do not treat dissociative personality disorder, but let the disease take its course, then in the case of multiple personalities, a person in an inadequate state can commit some extremely negative actions in relation to others, for example, violent ones. In the case of a dissociative fugue, a person may get lost and never return home - it will simply be impossible to find him.

Diseases and disorders

Psychological counseling and psychotherapy - "Perception"

In this article I want to talk about dissociation, its frequency and intensity of use as a protective mechanism in human life, about the facets of healthy and pathological, and how speech can tell about it.

The term “dissociation” was proposed at the end of the 19th century by the French psychologist and physician P. Janet, who noticed that a complex of ideas can split off from the main personality and exist independently and outside consciousness, but can be returned to consciousness with the help of hypnosis.

Foreword

In psychiatry there is a group of diseases called "dissociative disorders". Compared to paranoia or schizophrenia, it probably doesn’t sound very scary, but this is a fairly serious diagnosis. What is it? Dissociation in Latin means "disintegration". With this disease, there is a violation of mental functions, such as memory, consciousness, a sense of personal identity. These mental functions separate from the integral stream of consciousness and become independent. Thus, the integrity of the individual is violated.

Dissociation in life

After I deliberately scared you, I want to talk about the dissociations that are present in the lives of mentally healthy people, or, in the language of psychology, neurotics, which are the majority of people on the planet. I must say that dissociation is a protective mechanism of the psyche, which turns on when a person cannot cope with the situation in which he is. This may be a long-term traumatic situation or a shock trauma that a person cannot accept and integrate into his own psyche. The most traumatic and having a strong impact on human development Situations , certainly occur in early childhood, when a child cannot cope with severe stress on his own and he does not have proper support from his parents, but such situations can also arise in adulthood. These are local stressful situations or long-term traumatic situations from which a person more often does not want than cannot get out because of secondary benefits.
If the human psyche cannot cope, then the dissociation mechanism is activated. A person can fall into a trance state, can create in his head another alternative situation that is more acceptable to him, put his ideas, thoughts, emotions there, and experience them instead of reality. Naturally, this process occurs unconsciously. In very strong stressful situations (such as various disasters, the death of loved ones, etc.), psychogenic amnesia may occur - in simple terms, a person does not want to realize or admit what happened and may not remember an event or a whole part of life.
There are many variants of manifestation of dissociation, and even in the most difficult cases, its manifestation cannot always be unambiguously called a mental illness. Most people are mentally healthy. But I am interested in the process from the point of view of psychology. What happens to the psyche and personality in reality from the point of view of psychology?
Contrary to some everyday opinions (“maybe it’s easier for him”, “it’s better not to worry”, “let it be”) there is nothing good in dissociation, since this process does not stand still and can aggravate a person’s mental state, further moving away him from reality. In this case, a person unconsciously suffers. In conscious life, this can manifest itself in nightmares, somatic diseases, antisocial behavior, and the use of various psychoactive substances. Often this is justified by the person himself and society: “he had a difficult childhood”, “this happened to him”, etc. The worst thing in this situation is that a person does not live at this time, but exists, since he cannot fully experience his current, real life due to the traumas of the past that have not been experienced.

Dissociation is a natural process of the psyche that helps to survive in a stressful situation when a person does not have enough resources for emotional involvement, and I want you to have an understanding of this. Dissociation turns into pathology if this defense process is used constantly as a behavioral pattern.

In addition, we sometimes need dissociation, and to some extent we encounter it in everyday life. Dissociation can occur in a trance state, when a person does something mechanically - for example, he goes half asleep to work, falls asleep, or, on the contrary, tries to keep himself awake to watch an interesting movie, thinks or meditates.

Speech as an indicator

Next, I want to talk about our everyday life: how much we are involved in the process of dissociation, how often we separate ourselves from the current situation, place ourselves in another, or associate ourselves with someone else, separating ourselves from our life why we are doing this, and what it can lead to. And I will analyze it through speech.
Listen to your interlocutor's speech or to your own speech. What pronoun do you or your interlocutor use when talking about yourself? In many cases, people, speaking about themselves, pronounce “you”, “you”, that is, speaking about themselves, a person does not associate with himself what he is talking about. The reasons for this in each case are individual, but, one way or another, for some reason, unconsciously, a person does not want to associate himself with what he did, does or tells. That is, he unconsciously does not want to, but consciously is or was in a situation and, perhaps, did not even feel that it was harmful or unpleasant to him. This already speaks of the loss of connection between feelings and consciousness, between the body and consciousness, that is, there is already dissociation. Sometimes the feeling of such situations can be called intuition, and intuition is trust in yourself, your feelings, but far from thoughts. After all, thoughts are often ideas that may belong to someone else, but, after thinking about them for a long time, a person gradually begins to take them for his own. But our feelings are definitely our own, they cannot be introduced or borrowed, they are always real. We can say that a person with a well-developed intuition, or rather, a person who hears himself, his feelings, is more healthy, as he is less dissociated. Usually, in the speech of such a person, the pronouns “you”, “you” are less likely to sound when he talks about himself.
Sometimes, in order to unconsciously get rid of responsibility or add weight to their decision, as well as in a state of uncertainty, people say “we”, although in 90% of cases it is an individual action or decision. If the action was joint, then it would be healthier to say "me and someone else." Less dissociated people are less likely to use the pronoun "we" because they feel more individual and more whole.
The next example of speech patterns used in society, indicating dissociation, is statements about ourselves (after all, we can only dissociate ourselves). Such expressions as “my body”, “my body”, with their various continuations (“fat”, “thin”, “wants something”, “hurts”, etc.) are very familiar and natural in our speeches, but what do they do? They separate us from the body. That is, there is a certain “I” sitting in the body. The question arises, who is this “I”? Certainly not the brain, because we hardly think about the brain when talking about ourselves. Also, the brain is part of the body. So, “I” is, most likely, thoughts, consciousness. This is how we quietly separate our consciousness from the body. By the way, in many spiritual practices it is even encouraged. But “I” is a whole: both the body and the spirit taken together, and we are healthy in body and spirit only when there is a connection between them, and we do not break this connection. By no means do I want to say that spiritual practices are harmful, but they need to be approached in a more conscious state - otherwise they will not be beneficial, but, on the contrary, a deeper process of dissociation will begin.
I want to remind you that I analyze speech and use it as an indicator of mental state. In all the examples I have given, the person already has a dissociation. A person dissociates himself with his thoughts, actions, behavior, lifestyle, attitude towards himself and others.
But I think if you start to become aware of your speech, this will be a serious step towards changing yourself.

I can't help but mention feelings. If you observe, it is quite difficult for people to say "my body feels", yet more often people say "I feel". This is due to the fact that the feelings are in the body, and it is quite difficult to separate them from it. However, I have also come across such cases. What is very interesting, these people were engaged in spiritual practices. Working with such people is very difficult because their level of dissociation is very high. A similar example is phrases like “my psyche can’t stand it”, “... doesn’t accept it”, etc. That is, again, not "I". Everything is fine with me - something is wrong with the psyche, but she is not quite me. The psyche is not me, but it is definitely mine, which means that I manage and control it (no matter how). How to recognize that the psyche controls in an uncontrolled way those who themselves do not know where they are? We recall one of the previous examples about where we “sit”, and we get that it is neither in the psyche nor in the head. Where do we go then? (A question for readers to think about). All these frills happen because saying “I” is much more difficult - different stereotypes can turn on, causing unpleasant questions. For example: “How can I not stand it, am I weak?”, “How can I not control myself and my psyche?”.
The following examples of dissociation are, oddly enough, the association of oneself with one's profession, with one's place of residence, with things. To give a few obvious examples: “I am a military man” (meaning I cannot feel), “I am a lawyer / manager / official” (meaning I cannot afford to fool around, sincerely have fun), etc. When a person begins to associate himself with his profession, he, as it were, dissolves in it and loses himself. When there is no self-confidence inside, there is no self, you need to cling to something, for example, to a profession - all the more so, some of them have a very high status in society. The profession "sticks", and a person always remains a doctor, military man or lawyer, even among friends or in the family. A profession is a very important area of life, it is self-realization, but there are other areas and we should not forget about them.
When a person has no "I", or it is very small, he often associates himself with what he wears, what he rides and where he lives - this adds weight, raising his status. But what happens to the psyche? And in the psyche, dissociation occurs, because a person is both a body and consciousness, but not a put on brand and not a “put on” profession. There are people who associate themselves so strongly with their clothes that they cannot put on another, that is, they are not their body and mind, but their clothes. But clothes, cars and other attributes are just aids for life and self-development. Of course, with such an attitude to things, there is no question of personal development. Personality in this case jumps in a circle, like a squirrel in a wheel, dependent on external factors. Unfortunately, in our age of consumption, related products for life are put above who they are made for, and in advertising we hear: “you will be better / more successful / more beautiful if you buy ...” (followed by the name of the corresponding product of this or that brand).
I gave only a few examples of dissociation that are constantly present in society and "help" to split the already poorly formed personality. Weak, because the industrial society does not promote individualization.

Where does it all begin?

When a child is born, he has no self-identification, and he does not separate himself from his mother. Gradually, he begins to look around, see himself, raise his head and see the environment, grab objects and walk. Studying the world in this way and comparing himself with it, the child eventually becomes aware of himself as something separate from the whole world. It was at this time that the first thoughts about death began to arise in him, because the former ligaments “I = mother” and “I = the world around” were destroyed, and he became a separate being. At this age, the mother, speaking about the child, often still uses the pronoun “we” (“we walked”, “we ate”, “we pooped”) and this is normal. But around the age of 5 comes the moment when the mother must begin to stimulate and support the process of separation, and this is first done through speech. Speaking of a child, one should now say “he” or “she” (naturally, in the presence of a child or addressing him, call him by name), thereby accustoming the little person to the understanding that he is a separate person. Then you need to gradually delegate to him the responsibility for his own actions and decision-making. You can start with the child learning basic self-service skills (dressing, etc.). It is important to encourage his independence - this means to praise, even if he did not succeed.
Your own example is also very important. Sometimes it seems that parents consider children to be idiots, deaf or blind, when they are much smarter than it might seem. The child's psyche is very flexible, it instantly absorbs and integrates everything that happens around, and this happens several times faster than in an adult. The child is more direct, open to the world and trusting. So if you promise something, do it. If not, explain to your child why. Take responsibility for your actions and decisions. Do not lie or manipulate: children understand perfectly when explained to them, and feel when they are being manipulated. Be honest yourself, and you will not have to reap the fruits of your deceit and manipulation when the child “doesn’t understand whom it behaves like that” or loses trust in parents in adolescence (in modern Soviet psychology, the latter is considered natural, but, nevertheless, nothing happens "suddenly"). Communicate more with your child, perceive him as a person. This is how a healthy upbringing will be built.
I think you have heard more than once how the mother of a child already of school age says to her friend: "And we entered school." While still funny, but extremely harmful to the child. However, it is not uncommon for a mother to say: “We went to college” - now this is no longer funny and not funny. Unfortunately, this can go on and on - it’s not for me to tell you what conflicts arise when an already adult person decides to create his own family, and separation from his parents has not occurred. The examples given serve only as a verbal indicator of the lack of separation and self-identification. Of course, there are many more situations themselves, and they are more diverse, and there are many verbal examples. I have given here only the most frequent and conspicuous of them. If the separation did not occur, then it turns out that the person seems to be physically an adult, but mentally he is still infantile. This is a consequence of the fact that in childhood the parents, due to the peculiarities of their development, could not properly separate the child, and he, in turn, did not learn to associate his decisions and actions with himself, which is reflected in his speech by the use of the pronouns “we” and “you”. ' instead of 'I'.

And how does it end?

I specifically began the article with a description of a mental illness in order to show extreme variants of the development of the dissociation process. At one end are dissociative personality disorders, and at the other are ordinary people around, or so-called neurotics, dissociated to one degree or another. Unfortunately, with age, dissociation is often aggravated, because this process is supported by society and its system, which does not need integral individuals. In addition, the integration process requires a lot of effort from an adult. But I hope that this article will give a topic for reflection to current or future parents, all adults who have found in themselves the traits I described above. There is nothing in this world that cannot be changed, except for death - so while you are alive, go for it! But right now, not tomorrow. Just start with the pronoun "I".

Additional examples

I remembered a few more examples that I think might be indicative of a neurotic personality.
"In my stairwell" - it's not exactly clear where. “I have a husband / wife” - well, if not silk / th, then it is not clear who exactly - you or .... “My mother’s” is similar to the previous example, but there is still a separation problem here. I also noticed that people began to say “Hello” often when they met. It's like stating the fact of my actions from the series "I'm pooping", "I'm going to the store", "I'm typing an article". In my experience, people who express themselves in this way have narcissistic problems bordering on psychopathy (according to Lowen). Or the familiar “I apologize” - a person speaks of himself in the third person, either because he has not grown up, or because “Napoleon”.

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