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How do you deal with loss


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Last Updated: 08/30/2022

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How to get over the death of your mother and help yourself after

We found out what feelings can arise during this period and how to help yourself get over the loss. To do this, we studied grief research and spoke with family therapist Olga Shaveko, who specializes in working with trauma and loss.

What kind of feelings can one encounter after a loss?

The experience of loss depends on personal characteristics, social environment, attitude towards death and relationship with mother. In the first days and weeks after a loss, many people cannot go to work or cope with household chores because this is the acute phase of mourning.

Grief researcher William Vorden writes that grief and other feelings are needed to adapt to loss. There are a number of sensations that people usually name when describing their experience of mourning - any of them are normal. According to the charity Independent Age, after the death of a loved one, people may experience:

  • shock and feelings of unreality, especially in the first days after death;

  • general or specific anxiety;

  • anxiety about own mortality;

  • anger and irritation - for example, they can get angry at loved ones;

  • sadness;

  • feeling of guilt;

  • feeling of hopelessness;

  • need to support others and suppress one's own grief;

  • some relief if the person has been ill for a long time.

Your experience may vary. It's normal if you find it difficult to determine what specific feeling you are experiencing. Strong emotions can be frightening, but they usually become weaker over time.

Olga Shaveko , systemic family therapist, specializes in working with trauma and loss

There are five stages that a person goes through during the loss of a loved one: denial, aggression, bargaining, depression and acceptance. But it is important to remember that the process of mourning does not proceed clearly in stages. The stages are very conditional, and much depends on the situation, on the characteristics of the person, on what kind of support is nearby.

The stages usually go through many times, and the strength of emotions gradually decreases. Acceptance is not always possible. Then the process of mourning can become chronic and stretch for a long time.

What should I do if I feel guilty?

Guilt arises when a person believes that his actions or inaction somehow worsened the situation. Psychologist Edward Kubani has found that people who have experienced a traumatic event often misrepresent their role in it. For example, they exaggerate the degree of their responsibility or think that they did wrong. These are distortions of our thinking, they can be noticed in the process of introspection or analyzed together with a psychologist.

Clinical psychologists Matthew Valley and Hardeep Kaur, in an article for the Psychology Tools website, offer this exercise to deal with guilt:

  • Write down your regrets and everything you blame yourself for.

  • Try to look at your feelings with compassion. We all regret things and we all make mistakes, but relationships aren't all about mistakes and regrets.

  • You may be able to take a broader view and give yourself a little kindness, like a dear friend. Ask yourself:

  1. If your mother could hear and see how sorry and guilty you are, how would she comfort and comfort you?

  2. What would a dear and wise friend say to you?

  3. If another person felt sorry and guilty, what would you say?

  • Talk to your friends and family about how you are feeling, they may be able to support you.

Olga Shaveko

Women often come to me with regrets that they did not have time to talk with their mother, with unspoken grievances. In this situation, it helps to write a letter and express in it everything that was not possible during life. You can do whatever you like with the letter: leave it, burn it, tear it up. If you feel that one letter is not enough, write more.

Sometimes people feel guilty because they think that somehow they did not care for the sick person in the right way or were not close enough. Guilt can be, and it's okay to experience it, but it's important to understand that it shouldn't overwhelm you. “If I had acted differently, everything would have been different” - no. While a person blames himself, he does not accept the fact of the loss, scrolls in his head the moments how everything could be fixed.

In order not to fall into self-blame, it is important to remember that you did not know the consequences and could not have done otherwise. Even if you had a fight with your mother the day before, you can look at it this way: the decision that you made then was the only possible one under those circumstances.

Yulia, 25 years old

My mother brought me up quite authoritarianly. I was angry at her and could wish her death. Mom died when I was a teenager. I thought I caused her death with my thoughts. Guilt tormented me until I worked it out in therapy as an adult.

The destruction of the illusion of children's omnipotence helped me, I realized that I could not influence my mother's death with my thoughts. I have been in therapy for over a year now. But I still have a feeling of guilt that I wished her harm, I continue to work with him.

And if there is no grief, is that normal?

Australian scholar and director of the Grieving Center Christopher Hall writes that everyone experiences loss differently. It is possible that you will not grieve in the way that is shown in the films or how relatives come to life from you. You may experience the death of your mother without tears, but it can still be mourning.

If the mother was ill for a long time, the child could mourn her loss even before death. Because the loss is not only death, but also the loss of hope, the loss of close relationships with the mother.

Sometimes it happens that a mother and child do not have a close relationship. Then, even though the mother is a blood relative, perhaps her child may not experience grief from the death of her mother.

Olga Shaveko

After the death of your mother, you can feel relief if the relationship was bad. Then you can feel that conflicts and grievances have ceased. It is difficult to accept the feeling of relief and joy due to guilt. After all, my mother died, and in such a situation it is customary to grieve. But any emotions are normal, you can allow yourself to feel them.

There may also be relief if the mother was ill for a long time and it was difficult to take care of her. When a person is tired and burned out while leaving, they may feel relieved that the hard work is over. And this is also a normal feeling.

Is it possible to somehow psychologically prepare yourself in advance?

If you are thinking about how you will feel during the loss, you can try to explore your own attitude towards death. For example, ask yourself what is most scary about her. This will help you gradually get used to the fact that sooner or later you can face the loss of a loved one.

At the same time, psychiatrist Abigail Brenner, in a publication for the psychotherapist search service, emphasizes that loss will be painful and difficult experience, even if you prepare for it.

The death of a loved one is a great loss that can cause many changes in life. Grieving does not end quickly, and often a person has to adapt not only to the loss of a loved one, but also to the fact that the usual order of things will change.

Olga Shaveko

Even if the mother is sick, death will still be unexpected. No matter how we realize that the disease is difficult, we always live in the moment. For example, one day mom is more cheerful, and this gives hope that everything will work out.

At this moment, you can pay attention to your well-being so as not to burn out. A person with burnout often becomes cynical and irritable, he does not have the strength to empathize and communicate with his mother. And to continue to communicate, to take the hand, it is important to ask all the questions and express feelings until the mother can answer them.

The scientific journal Vestnik TVGU presents the results of a comparative study of the experiences of people who have experienced loss: for some, a loved one left suddenly, for others, slowly, as a result of illness. It turned out that sudden death is more difficult to come to terms with. Faced with this situation, they tend to blame themselves for past conflicts with loved ones and for not being able to say goodbye.

We live in the illusion of stability, that tomorrow will come, that you can call your loved ones. And they are not ready for the fact that this can change in one second. Sudden death can hurt a lot because it undermines that sense of stability.

Olga Shaveko

But those who have lost loved ones from a long-term illness experience grief more acutely. This is due to the fact that they were depressed for a long time due to the serious condition of a loved one and the inability to help him recover. Therefore, if you are caring for your mother during an illness, it is important to carve out time for yourself to rest.

Elena, 28 years old

Mom died a year ago. It was unexpected. She did not get sick, did not complain about her health. Two days ago we talked with her, everything was fine. And then death.

What did I feel? I was very hurt. Very sad. I didn't understand why? How? Why so early? I couldn't stop crying for a long time. I didn't believe what was happening. I still don't believe it, a year later. I feel sorry, hurt and hurt that she left so early.

Since then I have turned to a psychologist for help. And just recently it got a little easier. Gradually, the feeling that she is somewhere nearby disappears. She stopped dreaming about me.

How do you say goodbye to your mother?

All cultures have rituals of farewell to the dead. They may differ, but they have a similar meaning - they help to recognize the fact of loss, say goodbye, be together in difficult times. According to clinical psychologist Christy Denkla, one of the steps to come to terms with the fact of death is to see the body of the deceased. Therefore, many psychotherapists advise attending the funeral.

In Russia, it is customary to say goodbye at a funeral, and then at a commemoration. Also, many people remember the deceased on the day of his birth and the day of death.

If you did not have the opportunity to be at the funeral, you can say goodbye in a different way. For example, write a farewell letter and burn it, play your favorite song with your mother at a family meeting, go on a trip to her favorite places. All these actions are symbolic, but they also help to survive grief.

Olga Shaveko

Rituals help to say goodbye. There are situations when it hurts so much that you can’t talk about your mother and remember her. Then the topic becomes taboo. Funerals and commemorations are needed to get everyone together and say goodbye. This is a kind of transition to reality, where the person is no longer next to you.

Mother's birthdays and deaths are a reminder that now is the time to remember and talk about her. Conversations are needed to share sadness with other people, to admit that there was a person, everyone remembers him, but now he is gone. These are the traditions that are worth keeping, because they help to adapt to the loss.

Even if people don't do special rituals, they still tend to remember the dead on their important dates. Often clients come to therapy on the anniversaries of the death of their loved ones.

What should I do if everything around me reminds me of my mother?

Sometimes it's hard to run into constant reminders of your mother. And if you lived together, her things will be everywhere: a toothbrush in the bathroom, laundry in the wash, a mug in the kitchen. But throwing away or removing things can be even more difficult than looking at them.

If mom's room is untouched for many years after death, it can keep the illusion that nothing happened. This is bad because a person can remain in denial that their mother has died.

Olga Shaveko

Co-founders of the portal about grief What’s your grief? they advise you to take things apart like this:

Call friends or family members for help. Ask them to collect and throw away things that are definitely not of value (half-eaten food, personal hygiene items, underwear). You can also ask them to help you collect and sort the rest of your things. For example, you can put things in different boxes:

  • keep for yourself;

  • leave for others;

  • sell;

  • donate, donate;

  • discard;

  • things you can't decide about yet.

When sorting, it can be difficult to decide what to do with things. It is important to take breaks, there is no need to take everything apart at once.

You can ask yourself questions:

  • Do I have room for this item?

  • Should all items be kept? For example, if mom collected porcelain figurines, the collection can take up a lot of space. Then you can keep a few figures for yourself, and give the rest to relatives and friends.

  • Can I take a picture of this item? Sometimes it is difficult to part with a thing, even if it is necessary. In this case, you can take high-quality photos of things and save them as a keepsake.

  • Can I make something of value out of these things? For example, you can make a bedspread out of prints from old T-shirts.

Important things for you, photos, letters can be placed in a special "memory box". Find a suitable storage space and set a time when you remember your mom and look at things from the box, such as death anniversaries and birthdays.

After a loss, especially in the first weeks, it can be difficult to return to activities that involve the mother. For example, going to your cafe, mom's favorite dish, cycling along your route. It is important to gradually regain the opportunity to visit your favorite places and do your favorite things in a new reality where there is no mother.

Here's a way to gradually encounter evocative situations:

  • Make a list of places and activities that remind you of your mother. Arrange the situations from the simplest to the most difficult, causing a lot of feelings.

  • Make a plan for how and when you will begin to face the situations you have been avoiding. To make it easier for you, ask a friend or close family member to come with you.

  • Be careful with yourself, it's better to start with small steps because it can be difficult to run into reminders again.

  • If you notice that difficult emotions arise, try to slow down and describe these emotions, feel where exactly in the body they are felt most strongly. This will help you get in touch with your emotions.

How to support yourself after a loss?

Different actions may be required at different times after a loss. Clinical psychologists Matthew Valley and Hardeep Kaur in the article "Grief, loss and bereavement" recommend:

  • Perform any rituals. Rituals help to realize the reality of what happened and find its meaning in it.

  • Express your grief, grief and other feelings. For example, keep a diary and record your experiences in it.

  • Tell the story of your loss and grief, such as posting your story on social media. This is also a way to reflect on experiences and get support.

  • Write a letter to your mother about what you wanted to say and did not say. This will help express feelings.

  • Be in touch with your emotions. Many of us are good at suppressing emotions, so feeling them can be difficult and unfamiliar. You can think of each emotion as part of yourself. For example, the part that is angry and the part that is afraid. Distinguishing your emotions is important in order to understand what is happening to you and how you can help yourself.

Olga Shaveko

The better a person understands himself, the easier it is to support himself in times of grief. Support is a word by which everyone understands his own. You can understand what kind of support you need by remembering what kind of support was in the family, or by asking yourself what kind of support I expect. Often we do not ask ourselves such questions, but expect from loved ones that they should know what and when to say.

Sadness, crying is normal and corresponds to the situation. Many people find it difficult to allow themselves emotions, because there is a feeling that if you let go a little bit, you will never stop crying. The process of mourning passes in waves, sometimes very hard, sometimes it becomes easier.

And often society, people who support, try to distract, say that life goes on and you have to hold on. You can try to get away from emotions for a while, but they will still cover. Then trifling situations like spilled tea can cause sobs. At such moments, it helps to go to a psychologist in order to create a safe space for emotions to live.

You can say: "It's important for me to cry. " Explain that it helps to cope with the loss. It's hard for people to just be there and hold the hand of a crying person. I want to do something and help. But being there is the most important thing.

If loved ones violate your personal space and devalue your feelings, it is important to find a time and place for yourself where you can experience emotions. For example, arrange to see a supportive friend more often. Communication, from which you feel bad, is better to cut.

Julia, 25 years old

My mother died when I was 12 years old. I stayed with my dad and grandmother. It was a stressful period, conflicts began in the family, and soon my grandmother left.

I repressed my feelings about my mother's death for a long time. There was a moment at the funeral when I wanted to cry and join in the general feeling of grief. One of my mother's friends said that I shouldn't cry so as not to upset my grandmother. I never managed to cry, and for a long time after that I did not cry at all. And pushed out the grief.

When I was at university, it became more and more difficult for me to submit papers. I came to therapy with a request about the difficulties in my studies, and at the very first session I began to talk about the death of my mother and cry. In therapy, it became easier for me, and I began to work with unlived and blocked feelings.

How to support loved ones who are also experiencing loss?

Many find it difficult to find words that will be appropriate. Here are the phrases that psychologist Sergey Shefov cites as an example of what you can say to a grieving person:

  • “How are you feeling?” - an open question that gives the grieving the opportunity to speak.

  • "I'm sorry this happened" and "I don't know what to say, but I want you to know that I'm going through it with you" are ways to express your feelings.

Olga Shaveko

You and your loved ones may not coincide in the stages of mourning. For example, one person is in the stage of aggression and is protesting against what happened. The other one is sad. And it seems to the first that the second does not care at all and he does not support him. It is important to understand that you experience grief in different ways. You can seek support from people who are not affected by grief.

You can be there and let them show emotions, ask for support. Do not fence off a person from life, for example, if he feels the strength to go to work - support his decision.

It definitely does not help to ignore the topic of loss and expect that after the funeral a person will live as before. Because then it will be difficult for a grieving person to cry, to be sad next to you. He may come together to hide his emotions, but this will only increase the tension between you.

What if there are small children in the family? How not to hurt them?

PhD in Psychology Natalia Nozikova and educational psychologist Ekaterina Kolesnik argue that a child is more likely to survive grief without post-traumatic stress syndrome if they can show their feelings. And also if there is a significant adult in his life who cares about him.

Lena, 36 years old

When my mother died, my daughter was less than two months old. I was not at the funeral, I could not leave her with anyone. I think mom would understand. I don't have an open gestalt about goodbye.

I was constantly taking care of my daughter. I consoled myself with thoughts that it is natural that we bury our parents. Mom lived a difficult life, buried two sons, but at the same time remained strong. I wanted to get support from her, I couldn’t believe that I couldn’t call her. Although I am 36 years old, it seems that before the death of my mother I was a child, and now I have become an adult.

Olga Shaveko

A child can be told that a grandmother or mother has died, that we will not see her now, but we will remember her. You can take the child to the funeral, but do not lead him if he does not want to, do not push him to take action. It is important for a child, like an adult, to say goodbye to a loved one. The mere presence at the funeral is not traumatic for him. The hysteria of an adult that he sees can scare a child.

Younger children aged 3-5 see death as something reversible. From the age of 6, children understand that living beings tend to die. You can build a conversation based on the questions of the child and his reaction.

If you feel that a child will take the news of death hard, you can read fairy tales in which the heroes lose someone close.

Clients often say: “How can I cry when there are children around?” If a person does not beat his head against the wall, then children are able to withstand the tears of their parents. You can tell the child: "I'm sad that my grandmother is not around." This is how we allow the child to feel. Children also grieve, but they may express it differently.

How long will it take to return to life?

Predictions are difficult because people deal with grief in different ways. In a study from the University of Cambridge, many people describe the first 4-6 months after a loss as the peak of mourning. This is not the end of grief, but after this period a person may feel more stable.

Olga Shaveko

For many clients, mourning takes 1.5–2 years.

It can be understood that the process of mourning has ended if the emotions have become weaker. The feeling of pain and loss will roll over, but it will be more sadness and regret, and not hopeless grief.

There is a stereotype that only good things are remembered about the departed. However, if mom is remembered as unrealistically good, it may mean that the work of grief has not yet been done. When the mourning process is completed, the memories will be voluminous - both good and bad.

When should I ask for help?

An article for the non-profit organization HelpGuide lists signs to seek help for:

  • Feel like life isn't worth living.

  • We would like to die with our mother.

  • Blame yourself for your mother's death.

  • For several weeks you have not felt connected to others, as if you were separated from them.

  • Do not trust anyone after the death of your mother.

  • Unable to carry out your daily activities.

You can also ask for help, even if you manage: just to make yourself easier and more comfortable.

Olga Shaveko

The very loss of a loved one is a reason to seek help. A psychologist or psychotherapist creates a safe space for emotions to live.

I would definitely advise you to start working in the following cases:
1. If the mother left a long time ago, and the amplitude of emotions does not decrease.
2. If tears appear in a conversation about mother, one's breath is lost, it is difficult to speak.
3. If the process of mourning is not so long, but it completely knocks you out of life, you cannot work, do household chores.

You can find a specialist on websites and social networks in psychology communities: Gestalt approach, cognitive approach, systemic family therapy are suitable.

If there is no money for an expensive specialist, you can turn to undergraduates. These are people at the last stage of education, they also go to personal therapy and supervision and can provide qualified assistance.

What to read about experiencing loss?

Motherless daughters. Coping With Loss - Hope Edelman.

Let's talk about loss. You're in pain, and that's okay - Devos Megan.

Cover: Anika Turchan

What can be done to cope with the death of a spouse

15 April 2022

15. 04

7 minutes

35687

19

3

The loss of a loved one is disorienting - we do not understand how to live on and why this happened to us. These feelings are intensified when death happens unexpectedly, for example, a woman loses her beloved husband as a result of an accident or sudden illness. We figure out how to cope with the loss and find the meaning of life after the death of a husband.

Article content

  1. What emotions can appear after the loss
  2. How to cope with the loss of a beloved husband at a young age
  3. How to Help Children Cope with the Death of a Dad
  4. How to cope with the death of a husband in adulthood
  5. FAQ
  6. Expert opinion

What emotions can appear after a loss

We experience grief in different ways. Some can survive the loss, find the strength to live on and start everything from scratch. For others, longing for a dead husband becomes an unhealed wound that does not heal even after many years. Our reaction largely depends on the characteristics of our psyche, the level of self-esteem, previous experience.

The most common reactions after the loss of a husband are the following:

Experience

Explanation

Indifference

Many note that in the first days after the death of a spouse they do not experience any feelings about this. This is due to the protective mechanisms of the psyche that protect a woman from destructive experiences. Similar feelings arise, for example, with serious damage, such as a fracture or burn.

Anger

The departure of a person from life, especially if it happened unexpectedly for us, can be perceived as a betrayal - as if the person did not live up to our expectations and left us. These experiences can cause anger and aggression towards the deceased.

Lost

The feeling of abandonment and loss leads to the fact that the widow does not know how to live on, what to do, how to raise children and tell them about the death of their father. This is especially often observed in families with a traditional way of life, in which the husband works, and the wife takes care of the children and household.

Woe

We experience grief because the person is no longer in our life, we cannot talk to him or hug him. Together with the spouse, a significant part of our life goes away. It is only natural that we experience grief. These emotions often appear after the funeral, when it becomes clear that the person has really left us.

Relief

Some women may be relieved by the death of a spouse. Such emotions can arise if the partner was an abuser, and the woman did not dare to leave him, or in cases where the husband was seriously ill for a long time. In both cases, his passing from life is perceived as a relief.

All of these reactions are perfectly normal, so there is no need to feel ashamed or guilty if you experience loss differently from social norms. In addition, we may experience not one but several emotions, such as grief mixed with anger and relief, or lostness combined with indifference. This is also normal.

Coping with the loss of a beloved husband at a young age

There is no universal recipe that would equally help every widow to cope with the loss. There is always a way out. Even if it seems that life has ended, and at the end of the tunnel there is not even a hint of light. How can I help myself come to terms with the death of my husband?

  1. Allow yourself any feelings. You may experience anger, fear, confusion, unwillingness to live on, relief, and so on. Any of your emotions during this period are normal. Don't force them inside.
  2. Find an eco-friendly way to express emotions. However, you need to find a safe way for yourself to express these emotions. Sports, art therapy, mindfulness practices will help.
  3. Set goals. With the departure of a spouse, many things change in life. Therefore, you will need new goals and new plans. Yes, perhaps now it seems to you blasphemy and a betrayal of the memory of your beloved spouse, but this must be done.
  4. Think about others. Behind our own experiences, we may not notice other people who are also suffering from loss. These are children, parents of the spouse, his brothers or sisters. Caring for others will help you cope with grief and understand that you are not alone in your experiences.
  5. Search for real and fictional stories. There are many widow support groups on the Internet where women share their personal experiences of coping with the death of a spouse. Some of them also hold face-to-face meetings. The support of people who have gone through similar experiences is essential in a difficult situation. Movies and books with a similar plot will also help.
  6. Take care of yourself. Even if you don’t feel like anything, the habitual routine of self-care, delicious food, sports, walking and other pleasant activities will help you understand that life is moving on.

What can loved ones do to help a young widow come to terms with the loss?

  1. Don't leave one for too long. A woman who has lost her husband often feels lost and abandoned. If loved ones do not support her, this can exacerbate her feelings. It is very important to periodically call and visit a woman whose husband has died.
  2. Offer help. A woman during this period feels disoriented and lost, so she needs purely household help with cooking, shopping for groceries, cleaning, and so on.
  3. Support. In the first months you need to listen, hug and stroke more often. Later, you can talk more and offer your help in solving certain issues. It is important not to pressure or devalue the widow's feelings.

Sometimes fixation on loss and grief can cause real depression. In such cases, a woman may need the help of a psychotherapist who will help her get out of depression, including with the help of drug therapy.

The death of a loved one can cause depression. Dealing with it without outside help is very difficult. Our psychologists will remotely give advice that will help you cope with the death of your husband, and consult on how to deal with depression.

How to help children cope with the death of their father

Remember that not only did you lose your spouse, but your children also lost their father. And if teenagers can understand the loss on their own, then younger students and preschoolers will need your help. How can you help them understand what happened and deal with the loss?

  1. Speak clearly and understandably. It is necessary to talk about the death of the father, focusing on the age of the child and the characteristics of his psyche. Movies and books in which children lose their parents, but cope with it, can help here.
  2. Be near. Children painfully experience the loss of a parent, as it seems to them that they have been abandoned. If the mother does not pay attention to them during this period, the feeling of loneliness and uselessness only intensifies.
  3. Designate responsibility. Children often take responsibility for what happens to their parents. It seems to them that if they were better, more obedient and kinder, then dad would still be alive. Explain that not all of them can be affected.
  4. Tell about the changes. Explain to your child in an accessible and understandable way how his life and yours will change now. Try to be as frank as possible, but without unnecessary details that children do not need to know about.

In some cases, the child may need the help of a psychologist. If he has become withdrawn, lost his appetite, does not sleep well, and you notice signs of auto-aggression, this is a reason to contact a specialist.

Important! You shouldn't make up stories that dad left or can't be with you for other reasons. This creates false hopes and unfulfilled expectations in the child.

How to survive the death of a husband in adulthood

As we age, dealing with grief becomes more difficult. The couple lived together for many years, created many joint rituals, so such a death of a husband affects a woman more than at a young age. It is also important that in adulthood she is actually left alone - the children have grown up, friends have their own worries, so it becomes more difficult to accept grief.

However, this is not a reason to give up and give up. You can start living after the death of your husband at any age. How to do it?

  1. Try not to close yourself in. As an adult, it's hard to make new friends. However, this does not mean that it is impossible. A support group can be found on social networks and in specialized institutions that help build social connections.
  2. Find new opportunities. Together with a loved one, those parts of life that he occupied also leave. Of course, other people or hobbies will not be able to replace him, but to fill the void that was formed after his departure.
  3. Be close to others. A lot of people may need our help. If you have the strength, desire and time, you can join any volunteer project in your city. Help orphans, participation in environmental and social projects will help diversify life and feel needed.

Also use universal recommendations - take care of yourself, give yourself time to grieve, make plans. Life goes on at any age, and the loss of a spouse is not a reason to put an end to it.

Read also The Five Stages of Grief Acceptance

FAQ

What feelings can appear after the death of a husband?

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We deal with grief in different ways, so reactions to loss can range from devastation and indifference to anger and relief. How we will react depends on the characteristics of the character, previous experience, self-esteem.

What can I do to make it easier to survive the death of a loved one and bear the loss?

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First you need to live the emotions that arose after death. This will help you accept the loss and find the strength to move on. Then you should understand how your life will change after the death of your spouse.

Should children be told that their father is dead?

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Yes, definitely. Depending on the age of the child, adapt the story of the death of the father and explain how it will affect your life. No need to deceive the child and hide death from him. This will give false hope.

How to help a friend cope with the death of her husband?

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Try to be around, ask how she is doing, and, if possible, help her with household issues - cleaning, cooking, buying groceries, helping with children.

How to forget the dead?

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Do not forget, you need to make memories of a loved one less painful. To do this, you need to think not about what you lost with the death of your spouse, but about what he gave you during his lifetime.

Expert opinion

The loss of a loved one is always a stressful situation that can cause the development of psychological and somatic problems. No wonder our ancestors said about the mourners that they turned black with grief. However, competent support and self-help will help you get through difficult times, find new meanings and strength to move on. If you can not cope on your own, contact our psychologists. They will suggest techniques that will help to cope with the loss.

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Article author

Monakhova Albina Petrovna clinical psychologist

Experience 17 years

Consultations 1439

Articles 263

Specialist in clinical psychology. Help in finding tools for self-realization, working out beliefs, fears and anxieties. Work with self-attitude, internal boundaries, understanding of interaction with society through conscious personal changes.

  • 2007 - 2008 MUS Children's polyclinic No. 4 - teacher psychologist
  • 2008 - 2009Healthy Country LLC - Clinical Psychologist
  • 2009 - 2021 Republican Narcological Dispensary - psychologist
  • 2012 - 2013 Occupational medicine - psychologist
  • 2013 - 2015 LLC Vozrozhdenie - psychologist
  • 2019 to present Teledoctor24 LLC - psychologist

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