How did you break my heart without even trying
18 Things to Remember When Your Heart is Breaking
“Don’t cry when the sun is gone, because the tears won’t let you see the stars.”
— Violeta Parra
It’s a dull, subdued sensation, when your heart is breaking, like the muffled sound of a distant gunshot. It doesn’t physically pierce your skin or tear you to pieces, but the sensation is physically present – the paralyzing discomfort of realizing that something you took for granted is leaving for good.
Although it’s hard to accept at first, this is actually a good sign, having a broken heart. It means you have loved something, you have tried for something, and you have let life teach you.
Life will attempt to break you down sometimes; nothing and no one can completely protect you from this reality. Remaining alone and hiding from the world won’t either, for endless, stagnant solitude will also break you with unhealthy nostalgia and yearning.
You have to stand back up and put yourself out there again. Your heart is stronger than you realize. I’ve been there and I’ve seen heartbreak through to the other side. It takes time and patience.
Deep heartbreak is kind of like being lost in the woods – every direction leads to nowhere at first. When you are standing in a forest of darkness, you cannot see any light that could ever lead you home. But if you wait for the sun to rise again, and listen when someone assures you that they themselves have stood in that same dark place, and have since moved forward with their life, oftentimes this will bring the hope that’s needed.
It’s so hard to give you advice when you’ve got a broken heart, but some words can heal, and this is my attempt to give you hope. You are stronger than you know!
Please remember…
- The genuine, loving emotion that breaks your heart is oftentimes the same emotion that will heal it, gradually, over time.
- The person you liked or loved in the past, who treated you like dirt repeatedly, has nothing intellectually or spiritually to offer you in the present moment, but more headaches and heartache.
- You can mull it over and obsess and obsess about how things turned out – what you did wrong or should have done differently – but there’s no point. It will NOT change anything right now!
- Some chapters in our lives have to close without closure. There’s no point in losing yourself by trying to hold on to what’s not meant to stay.
- Seven letters. Two words. One saying. It can either cut you open to the core and leave you in horrific pain, or it can free your heart and soul and lift an incredible weight off your shoulders. The saying is: It’s over!
- When you don’t get what you want, sometimes it’s necessary preparation, and other times it’s necessary protection. But the time is never wasted. It’s a step on your journey. (Read The Road Less Traveled.)
- Someday you’re going look back on this time in your life as such an important time of grieving and growing. You will see that you were in mourning and your heart was breaking, but your life was changing.
- Transitions in life are the perfect opportunity to let go of one situation to embrace something even better coming your way.
- One of the hardest lessons to learn: You cannot change other people. Every interaction, rejection and heartbreaking lesson is an opportunity to change yourself only.
- Be determined to be positive. Understand that the greater part of your misery or unhappiness from this point forward is determined not by your circumstances, but by your attitude.
- Life and God both have greater plans for you that don’t involve crying at night or believing that you’re broken.
- It’s always better to be alone than to be in bad company. And when you do decide to give someone a chance, do so because you’re truly better off with this person. Don’t do it just for the sake of not being alone.
- When someone rejects you it doesn’t mean you need to also reject yourself or think of yourself as less worthy. It doesn’t mean that nobody will ever want you anymore.
Remember that there are billions of people in the world and only ONE person has rejected you. And it only hurts so bad right now because, to you, that one person’s opinion represented the opinion of the whole world. But that’s not the truth. - Sometimes it takes a broken heart to shake you awake and help you see that you are worth so much more than you were settling for. (Marc and I discuss this in more detail in the “Self-Love” chapter of 1,000 Little Things Happy, Successful People Do Differently.)
- When you lose someone or something, don’t think of it as a loss, but as a gift that lightens your load so you can better travel the path meant for you.
- Anything that hurts you today only makes you stronger in the end.
- When all is said and done, grief is the price you pay for love. And it’s better to have loved, lost and learned, than to have never loved at all.
- A broken heart is just the growing pains necessary so that you can love more completely when the real thing comes along.
Afterthoughts
You are human and the human heart breaks sometimes. Don’t fight it – fight through it!
Give yourself a chance to love again, to feel again, and to live again.
You are alive and here to risk your heart by putting it into something you believe in, as many times as it takes. If you avoid taking this chance, one thing is certain, you will make it safely to the end, feeling empty and unfulfilled.
Don’t do that to yourself.
You deserve better.
Your turn…
In what ways have you struggled with heartbreak? How have you coped? Please leave a comment below and share your insights with us.
Also, if you haven’t done so already, be sure to sign-up for our free newsletter to receive new articles like this in your inbox each week.
Photo by: Sarah Tett
Your Body During a Breakup: The Science of a Broken Heart
by Karen Young
1,097,873
VIEWSBreakups are emotional roller coasters.
Actually that’s not true. If a breakup was anything like a roller coaster the end would be visible from the start, you could say ‘no thanks’ to the ride and at the end of it, for a hefty sum the memory could be savoured forever with a flimsy cardboard-framed photo.
Breakups are are more like being under a roller coaster.
Before we knew the science we knew the feeling, and used words associated with physical pain – hurt, pain, ache – are used describe the pain of a relationship breakup. Now we know why. The emotional pain of a breakup and physical pain have something in common – they both activate the same part of the brain
Brain scans of people recently out of a relationship have revealed that social pain (the emotional pain from a breakup or rejection) and physical pain share the same neural pathways.
In one study, 40 people who had recently been through an unwanted breakup had their brains scanned while they looked at pictures of their exes and thought about the breakup.
As they stared at the photos, the part of the brain associated with physical pain lit up.
[irp posts=”1144″ name=”Dear Broken Hearted One … When You’re In The Thick of a Break-Up.”]
As explained by researcher Ethan Kross, ‘We found that powerfully inducing feelings of social rejection activate regions of the brain that are involved in physical pain sensation, which are rarely activated in neuroimaging studies of emotion.’
He continues, ‘These findings are consistent with the idea that the experience of social rejection, or social loss more generally, may represent a distinct emotional experience that is uniquely associated with physical pain.’
In further support of the overlap between physical and social pain, Tylenol (an over the counter medication for physical pain) has been shown to reduce emotional hurt.
Research has found that people who took Tylenol (an over-the-counter medication for physical pain) for three weeks reported less hurt feelings and social pain on a daily basis than those who took a placebo.
The effect was also evident in brain scans. When feelings of rejection were induced, the part of the brain associated with physical pain lit up in participants who didn’t take Tylenol. Those who took Tylenol showed significantly less activity in that part of the brain.
Nobody is suggesting that the broken hearted turn to pain medication to reduce their lean towards Kleenex, Baskin-Robbins and repeated viewings of Love Actually. Long term use will cane the liver. Somebody else is waiting to fall in love with you, but you and your liver have to stay friends forever.
The Physical Side of a Broken Heart
The human brain loves love. Being in love takes the lid off the happy hormones, dopamine and oxytocin, and the brain bathes in the bliss. But when the one you love leaves, the supply of feel good hormones takes a dive and the brain releases stress hormones such as cortisol and epinephrine.
[irp posts=”1042″ name=”Letting Go: How to Master the Art”]
In small doses, stress hormones are heroic, ensuring we respond quickly and effectively to threat.
However in times of long-term distress such as a broken heart, the stress hormones accumulate and cause trouble. Here’s what’s behind the physical symptoms of a breakup:
- There is a steady release of cortisol.
This might cause sleep problems and interfere with the capacity to make sound judgements
-
Breakups activate the area of your brain that processes craving and addiction.
Losing a relationship can throw you into a type of withdrawal, which is why it’s hard to function – you ache for your ex, sometimes literally, and can’t get him/her out of your head. Like any addiction, this will pass.
In a relationship, your mind, your body and the core of you adjust to being intimately connected someone. When that someone leaves, the brain has to readjust. The pain can be relentless but eventually the body chemistry will change back to normal and the hurt will diminish.
Getting through a breakup is as much a physical process as an emotional one.
Remember that, and know that it will get easier. Keep going. You’ll get there.
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Edition of the information agency "Chechen Republic Today" continues to be sorted out in the situation related to the situation related to the situation related with an incident in the Chervlyonskaya secondary school No.
1 named after. K. V. Abukhova. To clarify the circumstances of the incident, versions of different parties were heard. As it turned out, the Baitulaev family was seen in the conflict not for the first time. nine0003
Mother could not forgive
Madina Vakhabova reluctantly agrees to talk to journalists. After a number of federal media “poured a bucket of dirt on her”, without even trying to figure out the case, she does not believe that they will listen to her and not distort the information. The teacher, with almost 20 years of experience, is outraged by the very wording of journalistic accusations “beat a child with a wooden stick.”
- I had a teacher's pointer in my hands, and I didn't break it against a 5th grade student, - explains Vakhabova. - They called me from Komsomolskaya Pravda, but I refused to comment on what happened. What is the point of saying something that will still be distorted, distorted and published? nine0003
After some persuasion, the history teacher agrees to tell his version of what happened.
- I vaguely remember the events of that day, but I can say with confidence - it was not aggression towards the boy, it was an unpleasant accident that occurred due to my careless actions, - the woman says. - There was a history lesson, it was noisy in the class, and in order to calm the guys, I tapped on the table of the first desk with a pointer. I don’t remember how it happened that Magomed Baitulaev was injured, but I’ll note again - I didn’t hit his arm, but the table. nine0003
According to the woman, the boy's father came to her after the weekend and informed Madina that the boy's arm ached after the incident. Vakhabova apologized in every possible way, to which the boy's father replied: "I understand and even forgive you, but I'm afraid that the mother will not agree to forgive." Talk about what had happened at school did not stop, then the history teacher decided, together with her relatives, to go to the Baitulaevs' house and apologize to the family officially.
- I told my parents that I would help in the treatment of the boy, as far as my financial situation allows. After that, my mother and I took the boy for examination to Beslan and even to Vladikavkaz, where a neurologist prescribed him treatment and strongly advised him to protect his hand from injuries. Magomed managed to visit the camp during the summer and on August 6 he personally came to congratulate me on the Muslim holiday of Uraza-Bayram, healthy and cheerful, - adds Vakhabova. nine0003
The news that the inspector for juvenile affairs in the Shelkovsky district Natalya Petrova brought this case to the prosecutor's office reached Madina Vakhabova when she moved to a new position in the MU "Education Department of the Shelkovsky Municipal District". The woman suffered a nervous breakdown several times throughout the proceedings. To understand “what the boy’s mother wants from Vakhabova” and to see in what condition Magomed’s hand was trying to Madina’s sister and her friend.
They went to the Baitulaevs' house, but they could not see the boy. nine0003
- Malika shouted to my sister that she would let me go around the world and slander the whole world, - says Vakhabova. I don't know what this woman wants from me. I had already left the school, helped financially as much as I could, apologized many times to the parents and relatives of the Baitulaevs. I don’t have the money to hire a lawyer to defend myself, I was provided with a free public defender. I am the only permanent breadwinner in the family and I want this hype around me to end. I am an adequate person, I have a lot of experience working with children. Everything that is happening now is reflected in my state of health. If the status of a teacher is not protected, our education will have no future. Anyone who is not lazy can insult the teacher or cause harm. Society needs to understand that the teacher does not aim to harm the child, he educates him. Without discipline and an adequate response from parents, there is no point in educating children.
It was an unfortunate accident, I did not beat the child, I wanted to establish discipline in the class. And once again I apologize for my careless actions. nine0003
There would be no litigation if not for the curse
Malika Baitulaeva and her son are currently undergoing treatment in one of the Moscow hospitals. The parent notes that information about material assistance from Vakhabova is a lie.
- I read articles in the media that someone is helping us in the treatment of our son, but in fact this is not so, - Malika said in a telephone conversation with a correspondent of the Chechen Republic Today news agency. - In August, his hand ached again, subsequently it was completely paralyzed. Expensive procedures were required to restore the motor function of the hand. I asked this teacher to provide at least some financial assistance, to which she answered me with a rude refusal. nine0003
Baitulaeva emphasizes that even if the fact of hitting with a pointer was an accident on the part of the teacher, Vakhabova will have to answer for what happened.
- She has a very aggressive nature, many people talk about it. Prior to this incident two months ago, she damaged my son's ear quite seriously. I did not submit an application to the prosecutor's office, this is the initiative of the PDN inspector, - explains the boy's mother.
In addition, the woman refutes reports that Magomed re-injured his hand in the camp. According to her, instead of apologies after the incident, the Baitulaev family heard threats against them. nine0003
- If the relatives of this teacher had not come to me then and started threatening me, cursing my son, I would not even have started this lawsuit, - said the woman.
There are no complaints about Vakhabova from the side of the school, but there are complaints about the boy
Madina Vakhabova works at the Chervlyonskaya Secondary School No. K. V. Abukhova since 1998. For some time, she taught history to the graduating classes and the USE scores of students in this subject have always been high.
According to the director of the school, Layla Atabayeva, teacher Madina Vakhabova had never experienced such incidents before. nine0003
- She has established herself as a professional at school, - says Atabayeva. - In no case do I take sides, as I must proceed from the fact that I am the head of the institution where the conflict took place. However, this is the first such case in the practice of Vakhabova. I, like the students of this teacher, accepted the news of Madina's departure from school with great sadness.
But the complaints against the student Magomed Baitulaev were often received. The boy not only behaves inappropriately at breaks, but also in the classroom. There were cases when the same PDN inspector Natalia Petrova dealt with a case where Magomed Baitulaev was the instigator of the conflict. nine0003
- All children play around, I don't want to slander anyone, but Magomed Baitulaev is an overly active boy. At breaks, he rushes like crazy, I often stopped him and warned him about the hand.
