Help me find love again

Struggling to Find Love Again After Breaking Up? How to Find Love After a Breakup

Putting yourself out there again can be challenging, especially if it’s been a long time since your last romantic relationship. And sometimes you may not have moved on completely after a breakup. Trying to love again is a courageous act. It can take even more courage if your past relationship was bad or challenging.

How to Move On After a Breakup

Moving on is not easy, but it’s not impossible. It is not wrong to feel angry, confused, guilty, or sad about the end of your relationship. However, it’s not the end of everything. There are ways that you can manage the pain and prepare for a fresh start:

Focus more on yourself. Focusing on yourself involves doing things that make you happy. To relax, you may do things like meditate, read a book, or watch a movie you love.
Find space for yourself. Try to maintain some distance from your ex. You may try doing so physically and on online social platforms to allow yourself to get over the breakup.
Stay active. Now that you have more time to yourself, you may try to keep yourself busy by engaging in activities that you enjoy doing.
Give yourself some time. You may need some time to cope with breaking up with someone you love. Give yourself some time to heal.
Share with supportive family or friends. Sharing what you’ve been through with a supportive friend or family member might help change your perspective of the breakup. This might be for the better. Hanging out with them may also keep your mind off the breakup.
Avoid using drugs and alcohol to cope. Taking drugs or alcohol is not an excellent way to manage the pain of a breakup. In the end, you may feel worse than you were before taking them.
Physical exercise and sleep. Consider engaging in some physical exercise and getting regular sleep. They may go a long way in helping with the coping process.‌

Other ways. Other ways to get through a breakup include:

Jot down what you are feeling or thinking
Try not to blame yourself
Acknowledge that breakups are part of life and dating
Don’t stop having faith in relationships or individuals
Avoid holding on to the hope of getting back together
Avoid taking revenge

How to Find Love Again

Many people have issues trying to get back into the dating scene. This is mainly because you have to figure out where to meet new people. It might be harder if you were in a relationship for a long time. A few things might have changed a bit since your single days.‌

The following tips might help you to find love again:

Socialize more. Meeting more people is one way to expose yourself to the possibility of finding love. Consider going to clubs that align with your interests, connecting with old friends, and joining local societies. Bring back your confidence in social spaces and increase your chances of meeting other people.
Consider online dating. Online dating can be effective when it comes to meeting someone who shares similar interests with you. You might also get more choices to choose from as opposed to meeting people physically.
Do not pressure yourself. Try not to be so hard on yourself about your breakup or trying to love again. Consider taking things slowly without putting pressure on yourself.‌

In some cases, your ability to find love might be hindered by your fears. You may be scared to love again because of different reasons. Love may:

Bring sad memories
Come with feelings like guilt
Make you feel anxious or vulnerable
Bring up issues like fear of loss or abandonment
Cause identity crisis issues
Move you further from a parent or caretaker

Tips to Help You Find Love

Luck plays a huge role when it comes to finding love. Success is not guaranteed. You might not find your true love when you put yourself out there. However, you may do the following things to help you increase your chances of finding love:

Know what you want in your life
Avoid being too picky
Know the type of person you want to be in a relationship with
Open yourself up to adventures and fun activities
Seek help from family or friends‌

How to know if you are ready. It might not be obvious to figure out when you will be prepared to give love another chance. You might never feel completely prepared. But, put yourself out there when you feel most comfortable. You don’t have to do anything you aren’t ready for.

Will I Ever Find Love Again? The 3 Mistakes That Are Holding You Back

“Will I ever find love again?” is a question I get asked every day from people you would never in a million years guess they’d have any issue finding true love. These are people who have built incredible lives for themselves. They’re successful, have amazing friendships, and are ready to find the kind of love that makes all the heartbreak of their past seem worth it.

Whether you’re asking yourself “will I ever find love?” or “will I ever find love again?” feeling out of the loop is never fun. You go on social media and it’s always another happy family photo, an engagement announcement, romantic trip, baby announcement, your ex appearing to be happier than they ever were with you, or another great trip you’re not on that populates your feed (or if you’re stalking, your recent search list).

How did love seem to forget about you?

Why does everyone else, who isn’t even one fraction as deserving and aware, get the happy ending that you want more than anything?

And because you’ve built a great life for yourself and have your sh*t together, it’s even more baffling.

Deep down, you know you’re a catch but you can only subscribe to that belief for so long before you start to question your worth and surrender to your solitude.

You then begin to doubt your own standards. Friends and family tell you that you’re being too picky. Maybe you are? But you’d rather be alone than settle. Everything around you seems to affirm the impossibility of finding a loving relationship with an emotionally available partner who you actually connect with and are attracted to.

There isn’t some magic formula or answer to, “will I ever find love again?”

For me, it took shifting my mindset and identifying the mistakes I was making more than it ever took implementing any kind of rule or technique. I didn’t feel like true love should have to come at the expense of my self-love.

No one wants to have to play games and withhold their own emotional abundance to momentarily attract it in a partner just because they are consciously limiting the supply.

I initially wanted to make this list about how to find love but then I remembered…

You could be fishing with the most expensive, top-of-the-line fishing equipment known to man and no matter how incredible the equipment is and how skilled you are at fishing…

If you’re trying to fish in a puddle, you’re never going to find anything other than bacteria and filth – no matter how much you believe that your skill and fine equipment will attract a whale. Whales don’t reside in puddles and puddles are so shallow, they don’t require fishing equipment.

It’s time to figure out why you’re in the puddle and get you back out to the coast.

Mistake #1: Thinking that you’re one of the chimps.

A few weeks ago, my best friend was at the Smithsonian (these are our exact texts. They are personal, unedited, and I apologize for any incorrectness grammatically or politically. My intention is always to be real and help).

He texted me:

“I’m looking at timelines of early humans. These beings that look exactly like chimpanzees would huddle around eating things they found, and then a couple million years later they looked slightly more human, huddling around fires, then hundreds of thousands of years later huddling around fires with tools. Then about a hundred thousand years ago, finally they started to look more like people. Millions of years of males and females huddling around fires together and procreating. All I can think about is how hard it is to find a mate given this has been going on pretty naturally for millions of years. I think they were a lot less picky then.”

He then sent me this photo and texted: “I mean look how easy it was for them.”

image source: Wikipedia

I took a few moments to study the photo and replied:

“I know what you mean. It is hard. Unfairly and annoyingly and hopelessly hard to the point of it being maddening. Especially when you were put on this planet to be the fire for them all. That’s what you are. And there wasn’t a lot of fire. That’s why they all had to huddle around it. The fire helped them connect in the ways that they could and did. It’s extremely rare when one of them deviates from the group and connects with the fire because they have that same fire within them. You are I are fire. Most people are ashamed to admit they are fire because we are conditioned to aim for acceptance into the group that surrounds it. And even when I’ve connected with someone who has the fire in them and sees the pointlessness of the group and the rarity and value in my flames, their flame doesn’t always burn in a way that’s conducive to mine. Sometimes my flames burn theirs out or theirs take the irons out of mine. Which is even more annoying. I’ve also made the mistake of thinking someone had the fire within them just because they liked feeding off the warmth of mine while downplaying its existence. As the fire, we fall hard for those who have the courage to deviate from the group and tap into their own fire to appreciate ours, but their flames are nothing if they’re not self-stoked. We will lose our own fire if they rely on ours to keep theirs going.”

Bottom line: You are pure fire. If you weren’t, you wouldn’t still be reading and connecting to this. You’d be congregating with the chimps in a game of follow the follower. Give yourself the time to get to know someone. Don’t let your insecurities fire-label others. That’s a title that they’ll earn through there patters/actions (that match their words).

Just like there’s so much more sand than there will ever be pearls, there are many, many more chimps than there will ever be fire. This is why they all needed to huddle around it.

If you’re wondering “will I ever find love?” remember that your fire will never be acknowledged and appreciated in the way you deserve until you have the courage to ignite and acknowledge it within.

Mistake #2: Searching and hunting.

Stop trying to search and be in the hunt to “get” love.

If you think about love as something that has to be found or conquored, it will make it that much harder to find and that much more dramatic/impossible to keep. The key here is to understand that true love cannot be found – It can only be made through connection. You have to make sure your toleration for bullsh*t is low and your standards are high.

Mistake #3: Allowing yourself to be used.

Confidence and self-love are the most attractive qualities.

The secret to attracting true love is to truly love yourself. You can’t love yourself and simultaneously allow others to doormat you.

So how do you go from doormat to in-demand?

Always listen to people’s patters (which are made up of their actions) over their words.
Understand that you can forgive someone without wanting to reconnect and rebuild a relationship with them. Forgiveness is nothing more than adjusting your boundaries in light of accepting how someone has unfolded.
Fall in love with who someone is NOW. It’s so.much.hotter than pining over potential.
Know your worth. Don’t ever look for others to see in you what you can’t see in yourself. You will lose every time.
If you don’t know your worth, remember that the only way you will ever figure it out is by implementing boundaries. Have your own back enough times and you’ll be more protective of that self-made progress than you will ever be thirsty for validation.

Remember, the fire doesn’t need to do anything to get the chimps around it. It just is.

And the only ones who will ever appreciate your fire on the level that you deserve… they have that same fire within them too. And you won’t have to open an investigation to find it.

You’ll feel their consistent warmth because they radiate it on the same level you do.

x Natasha

+ If you need further and more personalized help with your relationships, please look into working with me here.

Help me to love again - chapter 6

Have you ever wondered how this or that story in your life will end? For example, you met a guy or a girl, then you are friends, then you have feelings and your friendship turns into love. And then the proposal, the registry office .. wedding and children. After all, you must admit that everyone wants such an outcome of their lives. In order not to be mistaken in people and to wait for your own person. But alas, life is not a fairy tale, because even the greatest fairy tales were written by the authors with a bad ending, and exaggerated so that if you read its original form, you will be horrified. Therefore ... each of us writes his own fairy tale, and whether it will have a good ending or a bad one, time will tell.

The morning was truly good for the two of us. I would never have thought that someday I would lie in Semyon's room, without fear: his parents are about to come and I urgently need to get out. It was already easier here, we already knew each other, they accepted me into the family, as his father put it yesterday, and I saw it yesterday at the end of the day. Some kind of awkward tension, as if the steel chains fell from my hands, giving me a breath of fresh air.

I turned sideways to Semyon and could have sworn he screwed up his eyes in the sun, although he doesn't usually do that, and even changed his position. Now his hand is resting on my waist, and there is no need for more. I'm afraid that someday that idyll will definitely end and I will harden again towards people. Now we are enjoying these moments with him, and then? And what will happen next, time will tell for us.

I didn't feel like sleeping anymore, and I can't sleep at a party either. It feels like someone is about to come in and wake me up. There was complete silence from below, which means that everyone at home still saw the last dream before getting up from the pastel, towards a new day and problems. Although I doubt that this family has them at all.

I got up and looked at the time: 10:25. Not bad, however, except that before 12 I do not wake up at all. I didn't want to wake this sleeping beauty. Therefore, after changing into pre-prepared clothes for the morning, I went downstairs. I was right, there was no one in the kitchen and in the hall. All yesterday's food was eaten, and the stomach demanded something to eat. And taking courage, I decided to cook everything delicious that only my hands could do. Namely, this is an omelet with sausage and pancakes with honey. My parents always praised me for my craving for the kitchen, they were especially proud if I did not run away from the stove, because hot oil on the skin, well, you know, such a pleasure.

Finding flour and other kitchen utensils was more difficult than clearing my scattered things around the room. The kitchen was truly huge, 10 cupboards if not less were counted by me. I mixed flour, eggs and other products for dough according to a recipe from the Internet, I kneaded it and took up the pan. In general, you need to split the pan with oil, but when you find lard in the refrigerator, the image of my grandmother immediately appeared in my head. Which always, for the preparation of pancakes, split it not with oil, but with lard. So I decided to try such a tricky life hack.

And voila, in half an hour fragrant, and most importantly, hearty, a mountain of pancakes were already covered with honey and a small piece of butter, for extra juiciness. Making an omelet was easy when everything you need was already at hand.

I was already laying an omelette on a large plate, when I heard a noise and unhurried steps from behind. Such airy, as if a person does not walk, but soars. It wasn't hard to figure out who it was. This is Natalia, Semyon's mother. She herself asked to be called Natalya from now on, the pronunciation of her name with a patronymic made her painfully old.

- Good morning, sit down, everything is almost ready - I moved two plates closer to her, and gave the cutlery

- Good, you don’t waste time in the morning, well done. Now I am definitely calm for my son. He obviously will not remain hungry, she laughed and began to try my masterpiece. I poured tea into mugs when almost all parts of the family descended in turn to the table.

-Did you decide to get up and cook breakfast for such a crowd? -Semyon's father sat down next to his wife and looked at me attentively

-I decided to take the liberty of making breakfast for everyone - I sat down and looked down at the floor in embarrassment.

I immediately felt a warm touch on my hand. Vladimir put his hand on mine, and this calmed me a little.

- Honey, this is wonderful. Not every girl who just met the guy's parents will do such things - we smiled at each other.

The conversation took on a more family tone and I finally calmed down. The breakfast was really good, even better than at home.
When everyone got up and ate, except for Semyon, which surprised me greatly, because he also had to get up with everyone. I washed the dishes, put them in their places. And she went up to our room, to us ... it even sounds like a family.

The guy was not in bed, and the pastel was wrinkled. The water was noisy in the shower, so he got up and went to the shower, smartly though. I certainly had thoughts of joining him, but not in his parents' house for sure. I quickly changed into what I was yesterday, and put myself in order.

Half an hour later, yes, exactly half an hour, he finally came out. What can a man do in the shower for half an hour?

- Good morning, baby - he came out and I immediately drew attention to his hips, they were barely holding a towel, with God's help. I already prayed that it would sleep and we continued the sweet evening that began last night.
Hmm Julia, so you don't want to go to his shower, but continue your night for God's sake and with obvious pleasure? Do you know what people call it? SCHIZOPHRENIA!

-D..DO..Good in general, please cover up - I went to the closet and took out my underwear, jeans and a jacket. He came up to me and kissed me, a morning ritual.

-I'm terribly hungry, maybe pancakes or scrambled eggs? -he went to the bathroom and in a moment was next to me
I smiled enigmatically and led him to the kitchen.

- Well, finally, you too, sleep for a long time, son - Natalia was sitting in the hall and reading a newspaper, she lowered her glasses a little on her nose and examined her son's appearance.

- It's just that someone didn't let me sleep yesterday - he looked at me, and I looked away. Well, it was necessary to blurt out such a thing to parents! I nudged him in the side with my elbow and he doubled over.

- That's right, Julia, otherwise the hero-lover will be arrogant - the head of the family himself intervened in the conversation. And everyone laughed. Frankly, I like his family, without unnecessary show-offs and other cockroaches in my head

- You’d better go eat, there are pancakes with honey and scrambled eggs on the table, by the way, very tasty, thanks Julia-Masha came up and hugged me and left the house

- Julia? - Semyon looked at me with obvious questions - did you cook for my family? - He put his arm around my waist and kissed me on the cheek.

-MMM...Yes, so what?

- No, let's go, I'll eat and take you home - he kissed me on the forehead and led me to the kitchen.

At breakfast we chatted merrily about school, exams and difficulties when we go to college. You can't start the day like this! One thought that we would not see each other so often ate me from the inside.
I said goodbye to his family and promised to visit at least once more and left the house. I immediately breathed fresh air, here it is different.
In the car, as usual, he pricked me with the future and how he wants to move out of the family. We said goodbye for a long time, then we kissed, then we gave free rein to our hands. We agreed to call in the evening and meet with the guys.

Relationships are relationships, but friends should not be forgotten either.

I went home and accidentally slammed the door. In the kitchen, the TV was already noisy as usual, which means the parents got up. I quickly went there, in the desire to tell my family how everything went well.

Parents were sitting silently, without any emotions at all, and this began to strain me. Dad, on the other hand, stirred sugar in a mug with a spoon, and mom looked into nowhere.

-Um...hello, someone died?-again without emotion-but what happened then?- I sat opposite my parents and waved my hand in front of their faces.

-Died, my feelings for your mom-dad threw a spoon into the sink with a crash. And she fell to the floor with a crash, never reaching her goal.

-What? Let's not get divorced! This joke no longer works -

- Yes, your grandmother is coming for the New Year! Guess who invited her to us? - dad pointed at mom.
She didn't even raise an eyebrow

-God, one more joke like that and I'll beat you for sure! Grandmother Olya really comes to us tomorrow to do everything - mom finally gave up, cheers, thank all the Gods and mice.

-Oh, so what?????? Dad, well, she will arrive before ng and that's it. - I got up to pour myself some juice

- She arrives with your sister Mila -
My mug flew to the floor at this phrase and broke. Miraculously didn't hurt me.

-What? -

Mila is the most insignificant creature I know. Lies and does not blush, my age. That is also a reveler and mop number 1. Le Moore herself will envy her bitchiness and impudence here. You need to find more of this bitch!
She should have come exactly on New Year's Eve! She definitely doesn’t come here in vain, she’s plotting some kind of garbage again, I can smell her booty.
Well... get ready dear sister, you won't forget this new year. You will run away from here, so that only slippers will whistle.
The game has begun.. .

Lady starlight — Scorpions | Translation and lyrics of the song

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Lady starlight

Lady Starlight

Walking through a winter night
Counting the stars and passing time
I dream about summer days
Love in the sun and lonely bays 9
I see the stars
They're miles and miles away
Like our love
On one of these lonely winter nights

Dreaming through a winter night
Memories of you on my mind
It seems to me like yesterday
I think you knew i couldn't stay

I see the stars
They're miles and miles away
Like our love
Lady starlight, help me to find my love
Lady starlight help me tonight
Help me to find to find my love

Walking through a winter night
Counting the stars and passing time
Snow dances with the wind
Keep thinking of you again and again

I see the stars
They're miles and miles away
Like our love
Lady starlight, help me to find my love
Lady starlight help me tonight
Help me to find to find my love

Lady starlight help me tonight
Help me to find my love

Lady starlight help me tonight
Help me to find to find my love

winter night,
I count the stars and time passes.
I dream of summer days,
Of love in the sun and lonely bays.

I see the stars
They are miles away
Like our love
One of those lonely winter nights.

I dream in the winter night.
I have memories of you in my thoughts.
It seems to me that it was yesterday.
I think you knew I couldn't stay.

I see the stars,
They are miles away,
Like our love.
Lady Starlight, help me find my love!
Lady Starlight, help me today!
Help me find, find my love!

I walk through the winter night,
I count the stars and time passes.
Snow dances with the wind.
I think of you over and over.