Going thru hard times
Going Through Hard Times? Try These 10 Strategies
Hard times, whatever that means to you, are a common part of life. Developing coping skills can better help you get through them.
Maybe you’re experiencing a financial setback. Or someone you love might be facing a health challenge. Maybe you’ve lost your job, or an unhealthy relationship is weighing you down.
You might not be in complete control of these difficulties, but you have a choice in how they impact the way you feel.
Overcoming these challenges is possible. Mental health experts have offered 10 tips to cope with hard times:
If you’re facing a challenging time, it’s natural to feel overwhelmed.
“When faced with emotional pain or frustration, this can feel like you are going to be in it forever,” says Boston-based psychotherapist Angela Ficken. “That thought alone can increase the severity of emotions someone is feeling and make it worse.”
Reframing your perspective — seeing things from a new angle — can help you step away from this mindset.
“Whatever you’d say to your best friend, now say the same to yourself,” Ficken suggests. “An example of a reframe would be, ‘I know it feels like this will be forever, and I know logically it’s not. I have been through hard things before and came out OK. I know I will get through this, too.’”
“Emotions don’t go away if we ignore them. They come out later and in ways that we don’t quite understand,” explains Rachelle Heinemann, a mental health counselor in Brooklyn, New York. “The best thing to do when the going gets tough is to acknowledge your emotional experience and allow yourself to feel.”
Holding feelings in may make the situation more difficult to cope with in the long run, explains Donna Novak, PsyD, a clinical psychologist in Simi Valley, California.
“Let yourself feel all the emotions. Sadness, frustration, grief,” she suggests. “Allow yourself space to cry, hurt, and be upset.”
Feeling and expressing your emotions is an essential part of healing, says Jennifer Weaver-Breitenbecher, a clinical psychologist in Rhode Island.
“This isn’t a time to try and be strong; that’s a fallacy. Feeling the feelings is tough but imperative,” she says. “Allow yourself to grieve or process whatever is happening.”
Most difficult situations have a possible upside or a pending end date. For example, the last day of a tough school year.
Sam Bolin, a licensed clinical social worker in Linthicum Heights, Maryland, tells Psych Central that focusing on the future positives “is an effective strategy for individuals who are going through a hard time.”
Bolen recommends positive projection. This refers to focusing on the possible positive outcomes of a situation.
He suggests using guided meditation or general meditation for at least 5 minutes every day. While meditating, he says, try to focus on one or more desired outcomes for the situation.
A positive projection requires turning positive intention into words. For example:
- The survival rate for my illness is 85%, and if I follow my treatment plan, I can be in that group.
- There aren’t many job openings, but I have a great resume and a strong track record.
- The publisher rejected my manuscript, but this is a typical part of the process, and it means I’m trying.
“As you become better at staying focused in your meditation […] the detail of your process will become more specific to accomplishments that contribute to improving your life,” Bolen says.
While it might feel like the best response to a difficult situation is to take charge, sometimes letting go can help preserve your mental health.
“One way to help yourself get through hard times is to let yourself off the hook for things,” says Billy Roberts, a mental health therapist in Columbus, Ohio. “Ironically, many people are even harsher critics of themselves when times are harder or when they are under a lot of stress.”
Gina Marie Guarino, a mental health counselor in New York City, recommends practicing acceptance.
“Hard times come with challenges that are out of your control, and the harder you try to control the outcome of a difficult time, the more stress you are inflicting onto yourself,” she says.
While knowing when to let go is helpful, so is working on gaining “a sense of meaning and purpose,” Roberts tells Psych Central. “A sense of meaning and forward momentum helps keep us energized and hopeful.”
The trick is to identify the positive amid a crisis that’s out of your hands.
A job loss might mean you’ve got more time to help your children with their homework. Or maybe you’re motivated to make healthy lifestyle changes in response to a new medical diagnosis.
Even if meaning and purpose aren’t immediately obvious, you can consider making a point to look for them in everyday moments.
Rituals can anchor you in a time of change and uncertainty.
Healthy rituals could include:
- adding a regular mindfulness practice
- committing to daily morning workouts
- practicing different relaxation techniques
- scheduling coffee with a friend once a week
- journaling every night
- getting 15 minutes of sunlight or fresh air every day
In a romantic relationship, rituals can also provide some comfort during trying times.
“Couples need to proactively protect their relationship with healthy rituals like date nights without the kids, time not talking about work, and things that help them stay connected and balanced,” explains William Schroeder, co-founder of Just Mind Counseling in Austin, Texas. “It is beneficial to notice what helps you get back on track.”
Your support system is all those people who care about you and can be there for you to offer practical help, a word of advice, or encouragement.
“It is vital to focus on one’s relationships as these people can be very helpful,” says Bryan Bruno, a psychiatrist in New York City. “It can feel isolating to be going through a hard time, but surrounding yourself with a trusted support system is very necessary.”
Feeling connected can boost your mood and help you cope with challenging situations.
“The most important factor that will determine how we get through hard times will be whether or not we feel connected and supported,” says Heinemann.
“Go ahead, call or text that friend. Sit with them saying nothing or saying everything.”
If you rather find support from other sources, consider joining a support o community group.
“There are support groups available for individuals experiencing hardships,” offers Novak. “By joining a community, you will not be alone, and you will not feel alone. You will be around people who understand and support you.”
When times are tough, finding a healthy outlet to express yourself can make coping easier.
“Find a healthy way to express yourself and your emotions. This could be through journaling, having a close friend or family member to talk to, or practicing self-care,” suggests Novak.
Heinemann agrees that journaling is an effective stress-management tool. “Journaling is a great way to get thoughts out of your head and brings a sense of internal organization. You can follow prompts or write free form.”
Identifying what has helped you cope in the past can support you in your current situation.
“Do what you know works,” recommends Weaver-Breitenbecher. “Like meeting friends for dinner? Do that now. Feel good when you volunteer at the local animal shelter? Go read to some dogs. Need to focus on your physical health in order to regroup? Get to the gym.”
Denver-based counselor Amanda Conroy suggests being intentional in gratitude.
“Write down all you are thankful for and what is going well in your life,” says Conroy. This exercise will give you hope and uplift your spirit. […] Engage in activities that are fun and joyous. Be mindful and sit with the positive feelings when engaging in these activities.”
Schroeder recommends taking challenging situations one step at a time. “Breaking down significant events into smaller, more manageable parts is an essential and adaptive part of survival. We have to find those coping techniques that are natural and healthy for us to survive.”
A mental health professional can help you sort out your feelings and develop coping strategies.
They can also become a safe space where you feel supported while working on an actionable plan to get through hard times.
Going through hard times is part of the human experience. Even if they feel challenging, they won’t be permanent most of the time. If they are, there are ways to cope with them effectively.
If you’re experiencing a tough time, consider changing your perspective to focus on what aspects of the situation you can control to feel better.
Reaching out to the community or loved ones for support, adding healthy rituals to your ritual, letting yourself feel all the emotions, and seeking professional help can all be important steps when navigating these difficult times.
Going Through Hard Times? Try These 10 Strategies
Hard times, whatever that means to you, are a common part of life. Developing coping skills can better help you get through them.
Maybe you’re experiencing a financial setback. Or someone you love might be facing a health challenge.
Maybe you’ve lost your job, or an unhealthy relationship is weighing you down.
You might not be in complete control of these difficulties, but you have a choice in how they impact the way you feel.
Overcoming these challenges is possible. Mental health experts have offered 10 tips to cope with hard times:
If you’re facing a challenging time, it’s natural to feel overwhelmed.
“When faced with emotional pain or frustration, this can feel like you are going to be in it forever,” says Boston-based psychotherapist Angela Ficken. “That thought alone can increase the severity of emotions someone is feeling and make it worse.”
Reframing your perspective — seeing things from a new angle — can help you step away from this mindset.
“Whatever you’d say to your best friend, now say the same to yourself,” Ficken suggests. “An example of a reframe would be, ‘I know it feels like this will be forever, and I know logically it’s not. I have been through hard things before and came out OK.
I know I will get through this, too.’”
“Emotions don’t go away if we ignore them. They come out later and in ways that we don’t quite understand,” explains Rachelle Heinemann, a mental health counselor in Brooklyn, New York. “The best thing to do when the going gets tough is to acknowledge your emotional experience and allow yourself to feel.”
Holding feelings in may make the situation more difficult to cope with in the long run, explains Donna Novak, PsyD, a clinical psychologist in Simi Valley, California.
“Let yourself feel all the emotions. Sadness, frustration, grief,” she suggests. “Allow yourself space to cry, hurt, and be upset.”
Feeling and expressing your emotions is an essential part of healing, says Jennifer Weaver-Breitenbecher, a clinical psychologist in Rhode Island.
“This isn’t a time to try and be strong; that’s a fallacy. Feeling the feelings is tough but imperative,” she says. “Allow yourself to grieve or process whatever is happening.
”
Most difficult situations have a possible upside or a pending end date. For example, the last day of a tough school year.
Sam Bolin, a licensed clinical social worker in Linthicum Heights, Maryland, tells Psych Central that focusing on the future positives “is an effective strategy for individuals who are going through a hard time.”
Bolen recommends positive projection. This refers to focusing on the possible positive outcomes of a situation.
He suggests using guided meditation or general meditation for at least 5 minutes every day. While meditating, he says, try to focus on one or more desired outcomes for the situation.
A positive projection requires turning positive intention into words. For example:
- The survival rate for my illness is 85%, and if I follow my treatment plan, I can be in that group.
- There aren’t many job openings, but I have a great resume and a strong track record.
- The publisher rejected my manuscript, but this is a typical part of the process, and it means I’m trying.
“As you become better at staying focused in your meditation […] the detail of your process will become more specific to accomplishments that contribute to improving your life,” Bolen says.
While it might feel like the best response to a difficult situation is to take charge, sometimes letting go can help preserve your mental health.
“One way to help yourself get through hard times is to let yourself off the hook for things,” says Billy Roberts, a mental health therapist in Columbus, Ohio. “Ironically, many people are even harsher critics of themselves when times are harder or when they are under a lot of stress.”
Gina Marie Guarino, a mental health counselor in New York City, recommends practicing acceptance.
“Hard times come with challenges that are out of your control, and the harder you try to control the outcome of a difficult time, the more stress you are inflicting onto yourself,” she says.
While knowing when to let go is helpful, so is working on gaining “a sense of meaning and purpose,” Roberts tells Psych Central.
“A sense of meaning and forward momentum helps keep us energized and hopeful.”
The trick is to identify the positive amid a crisis that’s out of your hands.
A job loss might mean you’ve got more time to help your children with their homework. Or maybe you’re motivated to make healthy lifestyle changes in response to a new medical diagnosis.
Even if meaning and purpose aren’t immediately obvious, you can consider making a point to look for them in everyday moments.
Rituals can anchor you in a time of change and uncertainty.
Healthy rituals could include:
- adding a regular mindfulness practice
- committing to daily morning workouts
- practicing different relaxation techniques
- scheduling coffee with a friend once a week
- journaling every night
- getting 15 minutes of sunlight or fresh air every day
In a romantic relationship, rituals can also provide some comfort during trying times.
“Couples need to proactively protect their relationship with healthy rituals like date nights without the kids, time not talking about work, and things that help them stay connected and balanced,” explains William Schroeder, co-founder of Just Mind Counseling in Austin, Texas.
“It is beneficial to notice what helps you get back on track.”
Your support system is all those people who care about you and can be there for you to offer practical help, a word of advice, or encouragement.
“It is vital to focus on one’s relationships as these people can be very helpful,” says Bryan Bruno, a psychiatrist in New York City. “It can feel isolating to be going through a hard time, but surrounding yourself with a trusted support system is very necessary.”
Feeling connected can boost your mood and help you cope with challenging situations.
“The most important factor that will determine how we get through hard times will be whether or not we feel connected and supported,” says Heinemann. “Go ahead, call or text that friend. Sit with them saying nothing or saying everything.”
If you rather find support from other sources, consider joining a support o community group.
“There are support groups available for individuals experiencing hardships,” offers Novak.
“By joining a community, you will not be alone, and you will not feel alone. You will be around people who understand and support you.”
When times are tough, finding a healthy outlet to express yourself can make coping easier.
“Find a healthy way to express yourself and your emotions. This could be through journaling, having a close friend or family member to talk to, or practicing self-care,” suggests Novak.
Heinemann agrees that journaling is an effective stress-management tool. “Journaling is a great way to get thoughts out of your head and brings a sense of internal organization. You can follow prompts or write free form.”
Identifying what has helped you cope in the past can support you in your current situation.
“Do what you know works,” recommends Weaver-Breitenbecher. “Like meeting friends for dinner? Do that now. Feel good when you volunteer at the local animal shelter? Go read to some dogs. Need to focus on your physical health in order to regroup? Get to the gym.
”
Denver-based counselor Amanda Conroy suggests being intentional in gratitude.
“Write down all you are thankful for and what is going well in your life,” says Conroy. This exercise will give you hope and uplift your spirit. […] Engage in activities that are fun and joyous. Be mindful and sit with the positive feelings when engaging in these activities.”
Schroeder recommends taking challenging situations one step at a time. “Breaking down significant events into smaller, more manageable parts is an essential and adaptive part of survival. We have to find those coping techniques that are natural and healthy for us to survive.”
A mental health professional can help you sort out your feelings and develop coping strategies. They can also become a safe space where you feel supported while working on an actionable plan to get through hard times.
Going through hard times is part of the human experience. Even if they feel challenging, they won’t be permanent most of the time.
If they are, there are ways to cope with them effectively.
If you’re experiencing a tough time, consider changing your perspective to focus on what aspects of the situation you can control to feel better.
Reaching out to the community or loved ones for support, adding healthy rituals to your ritual, letting yourself feel all the emotions, and seeking professional help can all be important steps when navigating these difficult times.
15 simple rules that will help you get through difficult times
Life is a white streak, a black streak, and hard times come to everyone sooner or later. If now it's your turn to overcome the obstacle course and bend under the pressure of circumstances, use simple psychological rules that will make passing the life test of strength much easier and more fun.
1. Keep a positive attitude
Life gives us exactly what we are concentrating on at the moment. Pregnant women look around and are amazed at how many of their equally pregnant associates have divorced.
Those dreaming of a particular brand of car are starting to see these cars on the streets day after day.
In fact, of course, there are no more pregnant women or cars anymore. It’s just that our brain, focused on its own, filters the surrounding reality and lights a signal lamp: “Here, look, urgently pay attention!” - when he sees an object corresponding to the topic of his thoughts. Psychologists call this the Baader-Meinhof phenomenon.
Conclusion is simple. The more bad you expect, the more you will get.
It will climb literally from all cracks, driving you deeper and deeper into depression. And vice versa: thinking about the good, believing in the best, you change the settings of your own brain - and it is the good that is in the focus of your attention. Let an optimistic attitude not solve all your problems, but the world around you will become much brighter.
2. Make lemonade out of lemons
Sounds like a broken record, but it often works.
Yes, there are situations in which we really cannot change anything. However, there are others when it is enough to take a step back or to the side in order to look at the problem with a fresh look, connect a little creativity - and voila, an elegant and profitable solution will be found. And not at all where you initially expected. A classic example of this approach is the story of William Wrigley, the man and the chewing gum.
In the 1990s, the company he created unsuccessfully tried to enter the market selling household items - soap and baking powder. Things were going so-so, and in order to at least somehow stand out from the competition, Wrigley came up with the idea of attaching a penny piece of chewing gum to each pack of baking powder.
Alas, the company continued to work at zero, or even at a loss, clouds were gathering over the business, and Wrigley was already ready to accept the fact that he would not make a businessman. However, at some point, an unfortunate entrepreneur noticed that people sometimes buy baking powder for future use only in order to get a package of chewing gum along with it.
Archimedes would have exclaimed in his place: "Eureka!"
Wrigley limited himself to completely reorienting the business to the production and sale of chewing gum, which before him was not considered to be any promising product. The result of this creativity and the success that followed it is chewed by the whole world (literally) to this day.
3. Learn From Your Mistakes
What exactly got you into a stalemate? Analyzing all the circumstances can be painful, but extremely rewarding. Break down the events that preceded the worsening of things: what went wrong, where you made a mistake, what could have happened if you had acted differently ... As a result, you will get a fairly clear idea of how you could have avoided the onset of a black streak . Going through difficult times is much easier if you know that the chances of them repeating tend to zero.
4. Change what you can change
Once you figure out the mistakes and miscalculations that led you to a difficult situation, try to correct them.
If something cannot be corrected right now, just pay attention to this circumstance to correct it as soon as the opportunity presents itself.
5. Be grateful
And to life - for the experience provided to you, and to those people who surround you. Think about this or that close person: what he brings into your life, what he teaches, what he lends his shoulder to, how you would live without his support.
Write a short (or long, depending on your mood) letter explaining why you are so grateful to have this person in life. Then call him or her and read your creation. The difficulties that you are experiencing at a particular moment will begin to seem less significant when compared with the real values \u200b\u200bthat you have in your life.
6. Focus on what you can control
You may have made many unsuccessful attempts to correct the situation. So much so that you give up and you no longer believe that you can change anything.
Looking for what is still within your power and focusing your attention on it is one of the most effective ways to deal with learned helplessness (that is the name of the state you are currently experiencing).
Yes, you can't improve your business globally, but can you brush your teeth? Go and clean. Can you start running in the morning? Run.
The more things in your life that you can control and manage, the faster your self-confidence will return. And along with it - the will to overcome difficulties.
7. Praise yourself for the past and experienced
Sometimes we are so focused on the present moment that we do not look back. The darkness around seems hopeless. However, it is important to look back sometimes to appreciate how far you have come, how you have changed, what you have gained and what you have left behind. When you see what exactly you have already managed to overcome, the light at the end of the tunnel will become much brighter.
8. Surround yourself with people who understand you
Surrounding yourself with people who are close to you is one of the most important things you can do when you find yourself in a difficult situation.
You need their love so that you have something to compare with what is happening around you. You need to take care of them in order to feel significant. You need their honesty to hear the truth and advice from those you truly trust. It is important for you to understand and accept you as you are, so as not to lose faith in yourself.
If for some reason you don't have these people around you, find a community whose members have gone through or are going through what you are going through now. From them you will receive both the necessary support and experience that will allow you to overcome difficulties.
9. Learn to forgive and let go
It happens that difficult times have a specific culprit. “If not for him, everything would have gone according to plan!” - you think and exhaust yourself with hatred for this person. This reaction is natural but destructive: you focus on negative experiences instead of looking for ways out.
Yes, let the person really be to blame, but.
.. You won't be angry at the rain, because of which you get soaked to the skin? Or seek revenge on the gust of wind that broke your umbrella? No, you will do your best to get home as soon as possible and make yourself hot tea, and then fix your umbrella or buy a new one. So here. The culprit is the “element”, which is important to leave behind as soon as possible, focusing on more significant things.
10. Don't blame yourself
Let's say it again: everyone has hard times. It's not you who are bad or improvident, it's just a black streak that is an integral part of life. Every life. Of course, different people have difficulties in their own way. You got this option. Take it as a test that is important to pass with honor, and not as proof of how bad you are.
Not even your worst enemy can harm you like your own unrestrained thoughts.
Buddha
11. Enjoy the simple things
One of the hardest things that hard times bring us is the loss of comfort.
When you are doing well, you can find joy in dining at popular restaurants, traveling, hiring a housekeeper to make life easier, buying expensive things. When things start to go downhill, there's a lot to give up, and that's sad.
Meanwhile, to enjoy life, sometimes very simple things are enough. Instead of dining at a restaurant, find some interesting recipe and cook an original (albeit inexpensive) meal with your loved ones. Instead of traveling around Europe, get into the habit of cycling and exploring on Saturdays. Minimalism is in fashion these days. Experience it for yourself now. When else will there be such a chance, right?
12. Review your values and priorities
Failure gives you a chance to revise your values in life, which you didn't even think about on well-fed and calm days. Look inside yourself, look around: what is really important to you? To what extent do your dreams, hopes, aspirations correspond to what is truly significant for you? What can you give up without much worries? Losing what will break your heart? Reprioritization is often the decisive step to overcome a losing streak.
13. Cultivate patience in yourself
In childhood and youth, it sometimes seems to us that we can get everything at once. And only with age comes the understanding that we cannot control time. No matter how strong our time management skills are, there are things for which "the hour has not yet come." A flower won't bloom in February, a baby won't be born right after a kiss, a big secure house won't be built in a day. If you want something of value, you'll have to wait. It is important to understand and accept this.
You can have everything. Just not all at once.
Oprah Winfrey
14. Remember, you always have a choice
Although many things in the world are beyond our control, we can still choose. The choice is how we look at these things, how we react to them, what actions we take, how we let circumstances define who we are. Who are you here and now? Choose. Your turn.
15. Take care of yourself
This point is omitted by many, either entangled in self-accusations, or working up to the tenth sweat, or simply postponing until better times.
Meanwhile, in order to survive in difficult hours, you need to take care of yourself. What if tomorrow you are incapacitated by overwork or clinical depression? So please yourself no matter what.
Coffee in a cozy café. A walk in the park. New book. Buying beautiful clothes or accessories - let it be a mere trifle, but it will give you a piece of joy! Let yourself sleep, eventually. We are for ourselves the most important and most effective support in difficult times. You can't lose her.
Read also 🧐
- How to stop being afraid of obstacles and problems?
- 4 tips to help you overcome any difficulties in life
- How to develop psychological resilience
5 ways to get through hard times
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Practices how to
1. Train yourself to be happy
The ability to be happy is nothing but a habit. “If you can’t take the positive out of what’s happening and only remember the bad, the neural pathways that are responsible for good news aren’t activated in the brain,” says psychotherapist Philippe Peri, author of How To Stay Sane.
"If the brain isn't used to receiving good news, it doesn't have the neural pathways to produce it on its own."
It turns out that we ourselves program our well-being. Optimism is a matter of practice. You need to consciously look for, notice and remember what pleases, then a good mood will be with you more often than a bad one. One way is to ask positive questions that open, rather than close, the door of opportunity. In almost any situation, you can ask yourself: what is good about this experience? This is a quick way to change your mood and thoughts with gratitude.
2. Bad is as valuable as good
“Perhaps you are afraid that believing in the best will make you vulnerable and attract unhappiness,” continues psychotherapist Philippa Perry. “The key is to train yourself to accept feelings that can hurt, not avoid them.”
Being ashamed or avoiding an experience means getting stuck in some kind of unlived experience
The American writer, Nobel laureate in literature Toni Morrison said very accurately about this: “I want to feel what I feel.
What belongs to me. Even if it's not a feeling of happiness. Because you are all you have." To be ashamed or to cross out experiences, to run away from them because they hurt, means to get stuck in some kind of unlived experience, depriving yourself of the opportunity to learn an important lesson so that it does not happen again in the future.
3. Giving up is better than hitting a wall
In an old 1934 book, You Can Master Life, Rev. James Gordon Gilkey gives amazing advice. When you go through a difficult life experience, the first impulse is to try to explain, to find the reason why what happened happened. Usually this only provokes confusion, despair and self-pity.
Most difficult life situations cannot be explained - they can only be endured, overpowered and gradually forgotten. As soon as we give up trying to find a reasonable explanation, the tension inside gives way to silence, and it helps to find a way out.
“Why is this so hard for many people? the priest asks.
‒ Because from childhood we were told: to win means to fight and destroy. This is what happens when you are young. Many of the hardships we face in adolescence tend to be short-lived, and a combination of heroic courage, strong will, and perseverance helps overcome them.
But the situation changes with age. We find prison walls in our little world that no hail of blows can destroy. Within these walls, we must spend our day - happily or with hatred in our souls. In the new circumstances, we must consciously change the technique of youth. It is necessary to achieve victory not by attacking the walls, but by accepting them.
4. Shift your focus from yourself to others
In Christianity, one way to feel better when you're feeling down is to pray for others. It is not necessary to be a religious person to wish something good to a stranger passing by and feel relieved yourself.
All emotions come down to two main ones: love and fear.And they can't exist at the same time.
The author of The Trick of Life in the New York Times writes that it helped him cope with his panic attacks.
“I sat down on a park bench and began to pray… I prayed for a nanny who was pushing a stroller with a baby in front of her, for a young woman who was jogging next to them in the morning, for a little boy who pedaled a bicycle nearby. I prayed that each of them would always have what I wanted for myself: health, peace of mind, financial stability. By focusing on others, I realized that my problems were no different from the problems of other people, and they stopped putting pressure on me.
5. To love, not to be afraid
“In the end, all emotions come down to two main ones: love and fear,” says psychologist Olga Prokhorova. “Moreover, they cannot exist in the soul at the same time. In every situation, we make a choice: love (believe, accept, invest, give, care for) or fear (distrust, run away, take away, attack, manipulate).
