Girlfriend hates my family
My girlfriend's entire social circle as well as her family hate me [22 M] because of my past and treat me horribly. I've been with my girlfriend [19 F] for a little over a year and half but I think it's time for me to call it quits. : relationships
I've been dating this girl Melissa for a little over a year and half now we attend the same university and something that has always been an issue with us is her friends and family.
They are constantly telling her that she should find a new boyfriend, that I'm going to break up with her, making up blatant lies about me, accusing me cheating and a bunch of other non-sense. Melissa is really timid and shy while she doesn't believe them, it's not really in her nature to go against them and really defend me. I think she's just a little too young and emotionally and financially dependent on them at time.
The thing everyone seems to get caught up on is the why I'm dating Melissa. They don't believe that I like her for her personality and charm or the fact that I'm just comfortable around her.
They assume because I was once a popular and arrogant guy that I have no business being with shy and timid girl like her and that I'm taking complete advantage of her.They say a popular guy like myself with my full soccer scholarship and tons of friends, fancy major and other fan girls can't possible want to date her with all the other fish in the sea.
In high school while I excelled in sports, I'll admit I was egotistic and arrogant and I'm sure I made quite a few enemies. The turning point in my life was the summer before senior year I lost my parents and my younger sister in a car accident. To put it mildly I toned down my lifestyle drastic, I dropped everything and focused purely on school and sports it as those were the only two things at the time that could keep my mind off of the cruel reality.
Nowadays I spend my time, studying, soccer and with Melissa but her friends/family are making this relationship nearly impossible. They don't believe I could have changed from high school or the one that didn't even know me back then just assume I'm a bad guy based off looks and what others tell them.
It's become almost an everyday occurrence on campus where they are rude and disrespectful.
When it's just me and Melissa it's great and perfect but her friends and family are becoming increasingly apprehensive and I'm stating to think that maybe I should just end it. She loves me and I know she'll be heart broken but realistically I don't think I can keep putting up with it.
I think what ultimately is pushing me is last weekend Melissa invited me to go camping with her parents and I really didn't want to go. I don't even know why they invited me. But Melissa told me her parents insisted that I come, they said maybe it would be a bonding experience. I had a bad feeling about it so I just followed them drove myself to the campsite.
Anyways it's day one and her father and I are fishing and I'm doing well I caught a fish within 5 minutes and he goes "Oh, at least your parents taught you something useful before they killed themselves"
I didn't even look at him, I don't know what I might have done, I just got up and left and went to my car and drove back to campus.
I told Melissa when she called what happened and she broke down into tears pretty much begging me not to break up with her.
TL;DR: I'm dating this timid & shy girl and none of her friends think I'm loyal or good enough for her so they treat me like trash. I was a stereotypical jock in high school, pretty egotistical and arrogant until I lost my parents and younger sister in a car accident senior year and did a 360 in life. Last weekend her parents invited me on a camping trip with them where her father proceeds to say some malicious remarks about my dead parents. I immediately leave without even saying a word but I think it's past the point of return.
Am I wrong to end this relationship in this situation?
This girl brought me peace and showed me happiness I'll always be grateful for that but at this point my thought process is just to end it, maybe her and I can remain friends or pen pals but this relationship doesn't feel fair to me or to her.
Any outside perspective on this?
"My girlfriend hates my parents! Help?"
Gordon F.
from Wisconsin says,
Hello LoveLearnings, I’m having a huge issue with my girlfriend and my parents. She hates my parents and as a result, I really don’t think my parents like her either. Help! This is really making things awkward for myself as I care immensely about both my girlfriend and my family. Is there any way I can resolve this issue without making things worse?
Hi Gordon,
Thanks for your great question.
I get questions regarding this a lot, Gordon, and it can be an extremely frustrating and stressful matter. Both sides want you to side with them and it can be one of those ongoing issues that may or may not ever go away.
However, there are things you can do to help minimize the drama.
Find Out What The Problem IsI’m sure you’ve already done this before, but finding out exactly why she doesn’t like your parents (and visa versa) can really help you alleviate the problem. Be sure that when you bring up the issue, don’t make it into a fight.
Your girlfriend is going to get negative once you bring up the issue of your parents, so make sure it does not go down this road. Keep calm. Tell her you understand that she feels that way, but it really bothers you that she and your parents don’t get along.
Sometimes, the problem might be a little more hidden. Sometimes it can even be her fear of commitment that’s causing her to act this way.
Once you find out what the problem is, then do your best to address this issue quietly. That means, don’t go blabbering to your parents saying, “Hey, well, my girlfriend says that she doesn’t like it when you guys swear at the dinner table.” Say something like, “Maybe you guys shouldn’t be swearing so much when we have guests over?”
This way, you’ll solve this problem “quietly.”
Minimize Personal InteractionSometimes, people just don’t mix well. If you get the feeling that the problem can’t be fixed, then make sure it doesn’t get any worse.
Try and minimize the amount of interaction between your girlfriend and your parents.
If interaction is unavoidable, make sure there are a ton of other people present to diffuse the situation. So if there’s an important dinner that she and your parents absolutely have to go to, then do your best to bring other people along (siblings, very close friends, etc.).
Diffuse The Situation YourselfFinally, sometimes you just have to take matters into your own hands and try and diffuse the situation yourself. So try and find out if your girlfriend and parents have anything in common. Find out these commonalities so that the next time you all meet for a family dinner, you can bring up these interests. This should surely get the conversation going!
Remember, it’s not the end of the world if your parents and your girlfriend don’t get along. Do your best. If your parents and girlfriend love you, then they’ll try their best to get along as well.
Good luck!
Jessica Raymond
Jessica Raymond, BSc, is LoveLearnings senior editor. As a relationship coach, Jessica has helped hundreds of men and women achieve their relationship dreams. Whether it’s finding your one true love or simply charming someone on a date, Jessica's got your back! In her articles, she reveals little-known, psychological tips that will make even the coldest person chase you around like a little puppy.
The girl does not love my mother
The girl does not love my …
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Guest
Dear author, this is only the beginning, or there will be more.
Love your mother, take care and appreciate, as there can be many girls / wives, and mother is the only one and will never betray.
#6
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Guest
wants to pull you out of your mother’s heel and put you under his own. nine0063 It's better to leave. This is the owner. January 27, 2019 Love your mother, take care and appreciate, as there can be many girls / wives, and mother is the only one and will never betray.
#9
#10
ZOMBIE CAT
If it is a man of Uzlagla, then this problem is several times worse.
You, apparently, are a mamsik, but for some reason you don’t tell us about it. nine0003
#11
Guest
Nothing like this, mother also betray
#12
#13
Guest
This is bad, author. Your lady seems to be greedy and unintelligent. Give her one chance, tell her that these conversations are unpleasant for you and see what happens.
#14
Guest
Is it better to be a mama's boy and press the girl with mama?
#15
No, I'm 28, I'm married.
I have parents, I will not allow my husband to control my relationship with my parents and count every penny spent there. Accordingly, I will not stick my nose into my husband's relationship with his parents.
#16
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#19,0003
according to my I feel like she doesn't like it when I spend resources on my mother - money and time. If you count in total, it takes more money. But as soon as she hears that I am buying something for the house (mother), to her directly, the chill slips even that
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Guest
And why give gifts and help the mother is equal to yours consciousness to be a sissy? You have parents? Are you helping them? They have children, maybe you have? Would you like them, having met some woman or man, to completely forget about you?
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#23
#24
Natalya
Interesting, you girls.
Half of you have sons. When they grow up, you will also say that the mother is nobody, should the girl be obeyed? My opinion - everything is unclean here. If a girl behaves like this before the wedding, after the wedding it will be even worse. More than half of the marriages in the country are falling apart, so it is not known to whom the author will go to complain after a very real divorce. A reasonable daughter-in-law is one who will be friends with her mother-in-law. Or at least maintain an even relationship. From personal experience, I was convinced that sometimes, in order to save the family, it is necessary to turn to the mother-in-law. nine0003
#25
Guest
Dear author, this is only the beginning, or there will be more. Love your mother, take care and appreciate, as there can be many girls / wives, and mother is the only one and will never betray.
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Why? Of course, the new wife does not like this, it's not her child and not her worries.
Her anger is understandable, especially if she doesn't want children. Divorce or not, you decide, if she is a good person, then you should think, if the pros outweigh, then why divorce. nine0003
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9000 #6 9000
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Author, well, you are, you are discussed before marriage.
She said she didn't want children. Where did you go as a RSP? She doesn’t even want her own people, and you are bang-bang-the result of your past unsuccessful life on her head. Well, it’s good (that is, bad), now it’s covid. And then you think nothing will happen? Then another shmovid will happen or your ex-wife will twist her leg, there will be a month in a cast. Will you hang a child on a childfree woman again? ))) Well, this is ridiculous, chesslovo. Either get a divorce and look for a RSP for yourself, or just a child-loving madam, or save money in case of future force majeure to look for a nanny or pay some of your relatives to look after the child. nine0063 And in general, the situation is similar to wiring. Hit, bruise))) Father, what passion))
#11
Guest
This is a wiring. Tv.ar beats the child in the face to a bruise, and daddy in mental throwing - whether to divorce this reptile or not.
What, writing across her and sweet as honey, that you traded a child for her?
#12
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by
I understand that if your child is hit, then this is normal for you. Then it makes no sense for you to roll scribbling here, be smart in a fool)
#15
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Cloud
Of course, the new wife does not like this, it's not her child and not her worries.
Her anger is understandable, especially if she doesn't want children. Divorce or not, you decide, if she is a good person, then you should think, if the pros outweigh, then why divorce.
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Misslo
The Poor Wife is forced to endure the bastard and even alimony ... horror
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Corn
The author brought a girl home and went to work.
Author, why didn't you take sick leave? Does the girl go to school? Who is delivering? Who cooks her food? You hung a child on a new wife and are surprised by her unwillingness? Why take a child if you don't care for it? I would also be outraged, of course I wouldn’t beat a child, but just won’t beat, the girl probably has a long tongue
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#24
Guest
Sit by yourself with your daughter, or did you drag her to your new wife and thought that she would serve and entertain?!
#25
#26
Author
It is quite adult to sit with it 24/7, no one was sitting with it, no one forced to mess with her, but there is no way to beat a child and make scandals, this is not the woman I knew.
#27
Guest
Where to put the child? He is the father, this is his child, the child of 50% must live with the father, and the other 50% with the mother. If people divorced each other, then this should not affect the relationship between the child and the parents. If you don't like children, don't marry a child.
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#28
Guest
This is a wire.
Tv.ar beats the child in the face to a bruise, and daddy in mental throwing - whether to divorce this reptile or not. What, writing across her and sweet as honey, that you traded a child for her? nine0003
#29
Corn
The author brought a girl home and went to work. Author, why didn't you take sick leave? Does the girl go to school? Who is delivering? Who cooks her food? You hung a child on a new wife and are surprised by her unwillingness? Why take a child if you don't care for it? I would also be outraged, of course I wouldn’t beat the child, but it won’t just be beaten, the girl probably has a long tongue
#30
#31
Guest
Author, I am a man and I have two children.
I'll tell you what.
1. What children say should be divided by 10, and even better by 20. You idealize your child too much. I hope at least listened to his wife about the reason for her act? I am inclined to believe that the girl brought the woman to the state of the beast. 2. Moreover, she does not have her own children and she does not know how to handle them, level their offensive attacks. She had only one argument - strength. As soon as her children will be, she will understand that she is wrong, but, of course, she had no right to beat a child, because she is an adult. 3. You understand that this is your child, not hers. I had to take sick leave or vacation myself and sit with my daughter. This would be the act of an adult responsible person. At the extreme, take the child with you to work, if work allows. nine0063 4. Kicked out his wife in vain. She is not obliged to sit with other people's children, and even more so to educate them. One thing is one day, another thing is two weeks.
You just shoved the child onto your wife. If it’s still acceptable to push a child onto his mother, then it’s not on a stranger. You solved the problem of your former family at the expense of your new wife. It is not right.
What to do now? In my opinion, ask your wife for forgiveness and ask to return.
#32
Guest
Continued.
Here, it happens, and your children will get so much that you climb the wall. And you want patience from a stranger with no experience with children.
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Gost
9000 9000 9000 9000 9000 9000 9000.
000 Since they got her like that, she had to pack her suitcase herself and go to her parents. But don't hit the girl. If the author had broken the jaw of such a wife, he would have been morally right. nine0003
#36
Corn
The author brought a girl home and went to work. Author, why didn't you take sick leave? Does the girl go to school? Who is delivering? Who cooks her food? You hung a child on a new wife and are surprised by her unwillingness? Why take a child if you don't care for it? I would also be outraged, of course I wouldn’t beat a child, but it won’t just be beaten, the girl probably has a long tongue
#37
Guest
How long have we been giving fathers sick leave because of the illness of their ex-wife?
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#38
Guest
For example, at contact with covid sick.
The sick leave is laid both for him personally as a contact person, and as a parent who will stay at home with a contact child.
#39
Guest
It's good to talk in absentia without having been in such a situation.
#40
Guest
It's good to argue in absentia without having been in such a situation.
#41
Guest
The author, I am a man and I have two children. I'll tell you what.
1. What children say should be divided by 10, and even better by 20. You idealize your child too much. I hope at least listened to his wife about the reason for her act? I am inclined to believe that the girl brought the woman to the state of the beast.
2. Moreover, she does not have her own children and she does not know how to handle them, level their offensive attacks. She had only one argument - strength. As soon as her children will be, she will understand that she is wrong, but, of course, she had no right to beat a child, because she is an adult. 3. You understand that this is your child, not hers. I had to take sick leave or vacation myself and sit with my daughter. This would be the act of an adult responsible person. At the extreme, take the child with you to work, if work allows. nine0063 4. Kicked out his wife in vain. She is not obliged to sit with other people's children, and even more so to educate them. One thing is one day, another thing is two weeks. You just shoved the child onto your wife. If it’s still acceptable to push a child onto his mother, then it’s not on a stranger. You solved the problem of your former family at the expense of your new wife. It is not right.
What to do now? In my opinion, ask your wife for forgiveness and ask to return.
#42
#43
Guest
Continued.
Here, it happens, and your children will get so much that you climb the wall. And you want patience from a stranger with no experience with children.
#44
Guest
Not allowed, because by a court decision the child lives with his mother.
#45
Guest
Nothing to talk about here. It’s bad for a partner (husband or wife) from the presence of a child, so much so that she can’t even eat - she collects her underpants in a bundle (in this case, the woman lives on her husband’s territory, which is why she collects clothes) and knocks on all 4 sides.
Everything else is a divorce, a division of spoons and forks - according to circumstances.
#46
author
in what sense will they get it if you cannot raise your children and they are too capricious it does not mean that my daughter is the same, my daughter is not just girl. and a talented girl knows how to draw, sing, learns English from the age of 5, learned to write and read early (the efforts of her ex-wife), it’s not customary for us to find fault with anyone, even with our ex-wife we have a normal relationship. I constantly told my wife that you can’t insult a child, but she seems to be out of her mind or I don’t know her well. If her behavior does not change after that, then a divorce. nine0003
#47
author
in what sense will they get it if you cannot raise your children and they are too capricious it does not mean that my daughter is the same, my daughter is not just girl.
and a talented girl knows how to draw, sing, learns English from the age of 5, learned to write and read early (the efforts of her ex-wife), it’s not customary for us to find fault with anyone, even with our ex-wife we have a normal relationship. I constantly told my wife that you can’t insult a child, but she seems to be out of her mind or I don’t know her well. If her behavior does not change after that, then a divorce. nine0003
#48
author
in what sense will they get it if you cannot raise your children and they are too capricious it does not mean that my daughter is the same, my daughter is not just girl. and a talented girl knows how to draw, sing, learns English from the age of 5, learned to write and read early (the efforts of her ex-wife), it’s not customary for us to find fault with anyone, even with our ex-wife we have a normal relationship.
