Why is self love so hard
Why Is It So Darn Hard to Love Ourselves?
Source: Wikimedia Commons image by Chris perry baker
Extending love and compassion toward others isn’t easy. But feeling love and compassion for ourselves is even more challenging.
Why is it so hard to love ourselves? Sadly, we often treat ourselves in ways that we’d never treat others. What will it take to bring more compassion to ourselves?
Plato famously said, “Be kind, for everyone you meet is fighting a hard battle.” We would do well to apply Plato’s advice to ourselves! Who among us has not faced betrayals, adversities, and losses? Life becomes more fulfilling as we cultivate the art of self-compassion.
Our Negativity Bias
Many of us received the message that life is a struggle and that we don't deserve the luxury of happiness. Perhaps we grew up with neglect or abuse rather than receiving the message that we have worth and value—and that we’re loved.
Growing up with not enough acceptance and too much shame, we may cling to our shortcomings, past failures, and poor decisions. We minimize the good things about ourselves and our positive qualities.
Scientists tell us that our brain has a negativity bias. Our ancestors survived due to their ability to scan the environment for danger and take actions to avoid injury and death. There was little survival value in relaxing and relishing the beauty around us.
Self-compassion begins by realizing that we have a right to be happy. In fact, the founding fathers felt so strongly about this that they enshrined “the pursuit of happiness” into the U.S. Constitution.
However, happiness is not an entitlement. We need to create the necessary conditions to find fulfillment. It takes work and the right kind of attention. This includes living an ethical and connected life. Inner peace and happiness will remain elusive if we remain oblivious to the needs of others and the world around us. Such narcissism not only harms others, but it is also destructive to ourselves—-confining us to a small, isolated existence.
Loving Ourselves
Inner peace and happiness are synonymous with cultivating compassion toward ourselves, which is easier said than done.
Self-love and self-compassion are more than just being good to ourselves, such as soaking in a hot tub, or getting a massage, or buying ourselves flowers. Although these things might help, self-compassion is an inner job. It has to do with how we hold ourselves and relate to our feelings. It means finding the strength and resilience to embrace the full range of our human emotions. It means finding inner resources so that we can gently embrace our feelings rather than meet them with aversion or judgments. Being human means wrestling with uncomfortable emotions.
The next time you're feeling sad, lonely, afraid, hurt, embarrassed, or some other unpleasant feeling, you might try this: take a few slow, gentle breaths and notice how such a feeling is living in your body right now. Does it feel prickly, tight, heavy, jumpy, or something else? See if you can allow the emotion and the bodily sensation associated with the feeling to be there without judging the feeling or criticizing yourself for having it, or being afraid of it, or feeling shame around it.
If you do notice shame or fear simply notice that—and maybe you can find a way to be gentle with those feelings too.
Self-compassion means accepting ourselves as we are—meeting our feelings with loving-kindness rather than trying to fix or change ourselves. It means being our own best friend. Processes such as Focusing or working with a psychotherapist who can help us welcome and be gentle with our feelings can help us cultivate loving-kindness toward ourselves.
Being compassionate toward ourselves also serves others. Having more inner peace, we have more to offer. By being more familiar and gentle with our own feelings, we can more easily extend compassion toward others when they are feeling distressed or challenged.
© John Amodeo
Wikimedia Commons image by Chris Perry Baker
Discovering Self-Worth: Why is it so Hard to Love Ourselves?
Posted at 18:14h in Self-Esteem by Dr. Christina Hibbert
Why is it so hard? I’ve given a lot of thought to this question over the years, because the number one issue I see in my psychology practice is a struggle with self-worth.
People may come in for help with depression, anxiety, relationships, or parenting, but underlying these challenges is almost always “low self-esteem,” a struggle to love oneself.
I’ve read, studied, and watched my clients, friends, family–and yes, myself–struggle to feel self-worth–to truly embrace, believe, and feel it, deep in our bones. I’ve written about how self-esteem is a myth and how we must instead dig down and discover our true, inherent worth. I’ve even developed a model for discovering self-worth, and I’m currently writing a book on self-esteem after a breakup, with more books to come on this important topic.
But it still makes me cringe each time I hear someone say, “I don’t know how to love myself,” or “I try to believe it, but deep down, I don’t feel my self-worth.” I cringe a lot.
Why is it so hard to Love Ourselves?
So, why is it so hard to love ourselves? Why can’t we just believe the books, experts, and centuries-old wisdom that tells us we are so much more than we feel we are? Why can’t we accept our strengths and our weaknesses? Why can’t we simply love ourselves and let love in? I don’t have all the answers for why discovering self-worth and practicing self-love are so hard, but I do have some ideas:
1) Our experiences don’t match what we’re told or shown in the world.
We hear, “You are of worth,” “Each soul has infinite value,” “We are all beautiful, talented, amazing, in our own way,” and we may even believe it–for a while. Then, we go out into the harsh world where our beauty and talent are compared to others, where we are judged, and where we learn to judge ourselves. Suddenly, our self-worthy thoughts have vanished. Our own parents or family are often part of this self-doubt system. They may, knowingly or unknowingly, instill in us a struggle with self-worth, through years of criticism, mixed messages, or withheld love. Unfortunately, some live a whole life never hearing a kind word, never feeling the power of true, unconditional love. How can we believe we are worthy of love if we never experience love in its purest form? Even if our parents were loving and taught us self-worth, teachers, friends, and others around us can tarnish our sense of self-worth, if we buy into their lies. Media also contributes, for sure. Images of those who are slimmer, smarter, richer, faster, more creative, more successful, or more beautiful plaster the world outside, create doubt in our world within.
2) We tend to pay more attention to negative experiences than positive ones. In psychology this is called “The Negativity Bias,” and it means that we humans are much more likely to remember and hold to the negatives of life than the positives. We’re also more likely to let the negatives influence our future behavior. They stick to us like glue. We’ll never forget the time our teacher said we were stupid or that cute high school boy said we were ugly, yet we ignore the dozens of things the people who know and love us see and say about how beautiful and intelligent we are. We ignore all the positive evidence of our beauty and worth, opting instead to cling to the negatives.
3) We don’t trust ourselves. Bottom line. We might feel an inkling, or wonder, “Could it be I really AM amazing?” but we don’t believe ourselves. We discount what is already whispering of our worth within, in favor of the loud messages of doubt without. We then go looking for ways to build our “esteem” in the world–to feel better about ourselves by being better than someone else, or finding the right person to build us up, or becoming a perfectionist so we feel worthy of love.
But all of these paths to “self-esteem” will ultimately fail, for they are each built on a system of self-doubt. Instead, we must learn to trust ourselves, to listen for and hear and trust the whispers within that show us our true value and worth, to let go of the opinion and voices of others and trust a greater Source.
This is my new favorite picture I took on our family trip to Mexico. Love the beauty and solitude. I was loving myself in this moment.
Discovering Self-Worth
To me, this is the answer for self-esteem problems: learn to tap into the truth within, to hear and feel it. Learning to create experiences outside that match those truths, learning to see the positive evidence around us and believe it–learning to trust, accept, and love ourselves. It can sound very easy, I know. Yet, I also know it’s not–otherwise we would all feel so much self-worth I wouldn’t be writing this. It’s simple, yes. But it’s not easy.
We’re going to work on it.
Help me get this discussion started, by commenting, below! I really am interested in understanding why self-worth is such a challenge for us, and specifically, for you. Why do you think it’s so hard to love ourselves? What stands in your way? Do any of my thoughts ring true for you, or is it something else? Let’s begin the self-worth revolution! Together, perhaps we can crush the myth of self-esteem and create a world full of self-worth. Wouldn’t that be lovely?
For more on discovering self-worth, be sure to check out my bestselling book,
This is How We Grow:
A psychologist’s memoir of loss, motherhood, and discovering self-worth and joy, one season at a time.
Available now on Amazon.com!
For support and insight to help you discover your own self-worth,
join my “This is How We Grow” Personal Growth Group!
FREE. Online.
Growth.
Don’t miss a thing!
SUBSCRIBE, below, “like” my Facebook pages (Dr. Christina Hibbert; This Is How We Grow) and follow me on Twitter,Pinterest, & Instagram!
You may manage your subscription options from your profile
Related Posts/Articles:
Join my This is How We Grow Personal Growth Group!
Self-Esteem & Self-Worth
Personal Growth & Self-Actualization
5 Reasons Self-Esteem is a Myth
If Self-Esteem is a Myth, then What is the Truth?: Understanding Self-Worth
Self-Esteem vs. Self-Worth: Q & A with Dr. Christina Hibbert (plus video)
Learning Self-Love: 5 Tricks for Treating Yourself More Kindly
Women’s Mental Health: 5 Things Everyone Should Know
Parenting Success: It’s More About the Parent than the Child
Thought Management, part 1: The LInk Between Thoughts, Feelings, Body, & Behavior
Learning Optimism
10 Major Mistakes I’ve Made This Month, & Why It’s OK
How to Make Lasting Change: 5 Lessons from the Transtheoretical Model of Change that will Change your Life!
“Let’s Get Real”: 10 Confessions from The Psychologist, The Mom, & Me
Create the Life You Desire! Part 1: What’s Keeping You Stuck, & How to Get Unstuck
Why I Feel Like a Loser Mom, & How I Know I’m Really Not
Living a Life of Purpose & Meaning: The Key to True Happiness
Mommy Fails & Mother’s Day: 3 Messages Every Mom Needs to Hear
Women & Depression: Facts, Understanding, & Seeking Help
G.
R.O.W.
Goal-Setting: 5 Steps for Personal Growth Success
What I’ve Learned about Personal Growth from a Decade of New Year’s Themes
Parenting Success Skills Top 10: #1 Do Your Own Work First
Why is it difficult for us to love ourselves?
14,749
Know Yourself
But we got rid of the Soviet legacy for many years, when children were told from school that "I am the last letter of the alphabet." We also remembered the proud "Az", heading the Old Slavonic alphabet, and the Anglo-American ever-capital "I". We also remembered that self-love is the starting point, for it is said: “Love your neighbor as yourself” (Mat. 22:39).
Yes, and psychologists do not get tired of repeating that until we learn to love ourselves, we will be tormented by a frantic thirst for love. But no matter how much we look for it in the outside world and no matter how much we find it, our thirst will remain unquenched. Because, without having a source of love in ourselves, we will not be able to assimilate it from the outside.
And it will forever remain for us something that “flowed down the mustache, but didn’t get into the mouth.” nine0003
But all this does not help. We fail to love ourselves. And we are ashamed even of such attempts. That is why we quote with the intonation “myself, beloved”, we pronounce it as a quote from someone else’s speech, as words whose meaning we know, but under which we ourselves will not subscribe.
But why? If we have accepted and decided that it is possible, necessary and good to love ourselves, where does our modesty come from?
There are reasons for it. And they lie in the meaning, explicit and implied, of the word "love". Dictionaries most often define love as a strong emotional attraction, a heartfelt inclination. But such an attraction and inclination arouse in us objects that we admire. nine0003
Beloved, children, homeland, pets or wildlife - everything that we love seems beautiful to us. The opposite is also true: what seems beautiful to us is what we love.
We ourselves see our shortcomings quite clearly, but we find few reasons for admiration.Most of us probably want to be like that in the eyes of others, but we ourselves see our shortcomings quite clearly, but we find not so many reasons for admiration. And our nose is like potatoes or, on the contrary, carrots, and the waist is not the same, and charisma fails, and efficiency with diligence leaves much to be desired ... So, in order to love yourself, you need to say goodbye to common sense and acquire inner blindness? Isn't the price too high? nine0003
But the alternative is somehow not very attractive - constantly criticizing, reproaching, pointing out our sins and flaws... In such cases, those around us do not miss a chance to remark: "How can you not love yourself like that?", rightly fearing, that we, in turn, can treat them with the same exactingness.
How to learn to love yourself? Do we have any third way?
Maybe there is.
Maybe you should not expect or demand from yourself (as well as from those around you, by the way) love for yourself - maybe start with mercy, care, friendliness. nine0003
It is difficult for us to love someone who does not arouse sympathy. But to treat him friendly - it is quite possible. Friendliness has another plus - it can be awakened in oneself, caused by an effort of will. It doesn't work with love. In this sense, it is like halva - according to the saying, no matter how much you shout “Halva, halva!”, it will not become sweeter in your mouth.
But you can say to yourself: "Now I'll be friendly" - and that's how you behave. Feelings are not under the control of our consciousness. But we can control our behavior. Friendliness is also available to those who are currently incapable of experiencing love. nine0003
The same goes for mercy and care. In order to treat the patient, the doctor does not have to love him. The Sister of Mercy bandages and brings drinks even to those who do not have the slightest approval from her.
We can be unsympathetic to ourselves - sometimes we are. But don't let that stop us from taking care of ourselves. Cover yourself with a blanket. Give yourself a glass of water. Offer yourself a good book. Find a suitable job, not just any. Surround yourself not with random people, but with friends with whom we are warm and interesting. nine0003
As for the neighbor, perhaps even here love is a shining goal that illuminates our path. Whether it will be far, whether it will be close, who knows. And you can start it from the first steps - with care, mercy, friendliness.
Text: Olga Sulchinskaya
New on the site
“Adult daughter does not allow me to live with a man in our apartment”
Small dick energy: do men really compensate for a small penis with expensive cars?
Why yoga is so popular: a big review
Four cases when partner's accusations are unfair: men say
"Friday the 13th": why we are subject to superstition - psychologist's opinion
"Everyone at work dumps their duties on me.
How not to burn out?
“A dream is also a business project”: what will help you become richer
5 ways to establish a common language with your body
What is self-love?
Film "How women take care of themselves"
Self-love is a natural and joyful care of yourself: your body, mind, soul and spirit. nine0003
Self-love is not selfishness. Self-love may or may not be selfish. Love is a reflection of our personality, and if a person is selfish, then his love for himself will be selfish. Strictly speaking, here it is more correct to speak not about self-love, but about self-love. Fascination with oneself, preoccupation with oneself, exaggeration of one's own merits - these are signs of falling in love with oneself, and such falling in love is really quite selfish.
If a person thinks about others and takes care of them, then his love for himself is in no way connected with egoism, it is easy and natural for him to love both himself and those around him.
Forces for this - quite enough. He who loves himself for a long time and naturally does not devote too much time to this, just like a good gardener, a well-groomed garden does not require too much trouble. Taking care of yourself as a healthy and vigorous person is not difficult. nine0003
Are you awake? She raised herself dear with pleasure, washed herself beautiful, rejoiced at herself vigorously - and there is no great need to do something else for herself. Everything is already great, I already want to do something or someone else: cook a delicious breakfast for myself and my family, kiss everyone and help get ready.
The reality, however, is that those who are preoccupied with self-love, at least at first, become more selfish - simply because the main attention in this case begins to be paid to themselves. Beloved yourself. Complementing self-love with attention and care for others may not be difficult, but it is a completely separate line of work. Love for others in itself does not follow from love for oneself and does not follow.
nine0003
What is self-love? Self love is self care. But true love is not just care, but joyful care, when you want to take care, when there is joy in the soul from the very process of caring. If this is not there, there is self-care, but there is no self-love, there is simply self-service. So, some people seem to take care of themselves: they wash themselves, develop themselves, feed themselves, treat themselves - they seem to take care of themselves. But look at this: no, he does not look like a loving person! Someone smart and healthy seems to do everything for himself, but he will not be called loving. What does he lack? Light and joy in the soul. He takes care of himself - without joy, and when there is no joy, there is no love. nine0003
One of the secrets of self-love is in this inner joy and in its simple formula, namely: warmth, light and energy. When there is warmth in your soul, when there is light and sun in your soul, when you have energy in your soul and body, you feel love in your soul, you live with love.
It's fine! But sometimes it is cold in the soul, and when you feel cold in the soul, you have no love. Sometimes it is dark in the inner world, and when the inner light goes out, love goes out. And if you run out of strength to live, energy is gone - along with this, love also leaves. If a person describes the picture of his inner world as - gray, well, some kind of winter, some evening, maybe the lights went out, and there is neither joy nor energy in his voice - such a person lives without love. nine0003
And how do you create and maintain light and warmth in your soul? What needs to be done for this?
It is often thought that self-love consists in satisfying your simplest needs with pleasure, forgetting about duties and other people.
Allow yourself to do what you want, allow yourself to shop, surround yourself with romance and give yourself gifts - an exciting program for a human child who does not want to grow up. Can you call it love? It is possible, but the level of this love is the same as the love of a mother whose child feeds mainly on lollipops and Coca-Cola, spending time mainly playing computer games and other entertainment.
Does the mother love her child? nine0003
Strictly speaking, these can hardly even be called needs. These are the desires and whims that spoiled children insist on. And the most important thing is that they do not give joy for a long time, only while it is new and while others envy it. After a while, everything gets boring, joy - goes away. Sometimes a girl seems to have given herself everything: slept, fed and drunk herself, arranged shopping for herself - but inside everything is bad. It's dreary. The world is gray, and the girl is still biting herself for something. Does she love herself? No. It happens that a woman is fond of shopping just because she feels bad about herself. And if a woman is somehow offended by life, she can arrange shopping for herself, and then she looks at these things, but there is no joy. In itself, the satisfaction of needs is not self-love, and far from always it ends with inner joy, light and warmth. You can’t seriously fill yourself with any purchases, this is just some snag.
As a temporary measure, as a substitute for self-love - this is possible, but you should not believe the TV, the joy of life is not in this and self-love is not in this. This is a low-quality life, this life is not serious, and a smart man with such a woman will not talk about something good, good, real for a long time. nine0003
Satisfying one's needs is not yet self-love. Someone after that begins to love himself, but someone does not. Satisfying one's needs is sometimes only a substitute for self-love, when a person seems to pay off with gifts from the fact that he does not love himself. Of course, the need for the need is different. If you have a need to move forward, develop, a need to take care of other people, a need to be needed, or a need to master any business with dignity, quality, then by satisfying such needs, you will have more reason to love yourself. You will have something to be proud of. If all needs are reduced to eat and entertain yourself with shopping or TV, then such self-love is unlikely to last, and the one who turns into a pig ceases to be a person.
nine0003
The following recipes are often recommended as help and hints "How to love yourself": "Accept yourself", "Don't bite yourself", "Forgive yourself and others", "Don't envy", "Be here and now". These are good recommendations, they just do not relate directly to the topic of self-love. They are not about how to love yourself, but about how not to beat and torture yourself. If your boss stopped swearing at you, does it mean that he loves you now? If you have forgiven someone, this does not mean that this person has even become your friend. If you have risen from minus to zero in relation to yourself, you have not yet risen to plus. This is a normal psychotherapy, but it has nothing to do with the state of love, just as a traumatologist has nothing to do with the work of a cosmetologist. A traumatologist treats an injury, a beautician brings beauty to a healthy body. If a person comes with a sick soul, he needs to make repairs to the soul, but a soul without pain is not the same as a soul with love.
These recommendations are not about love, but about repair. nine0003
Film "Private life: the joy of close relationships. The lesson is conducted by Prof. NI Kozlov and psychologist Marina Smirnova"
On the other hand, if the soul hurts, then it really needs to be treated first. If it is completely dark in the soul, if there is a problematic swamp in the soul, then you cannot build a palace on such a swamp. Yes, you need to remove the position of the Victim, deal with the inner saboteur, remove limiting beliefs and bodily negativity, give up sweet idealizations, wean yourself from bad habits - there is a lot of work. Someone here will be shown treatment and psychotherapy, someone - the path of study, characteristic of the synthon approach. It is important to understand that when you have done all this difficult, but paramount work, you will not automatically have love for yourself. The house has just been renovated - it is not yet a holiday space, the holiday needs to be arranged separately.
The repaired soul simply works flawlessly, and filling it with love is another, separate job. nine0003
Is this a difficult job? The most amazing, most amazing answer is that it is simple. It's just not for everyone, but only for mentally healthy people, but for a mentally healthy person, there really is nothing complicated here. How long does it take to love yourself? And how long does it take to turn on the light in the apartment? A good host has one second to just hit the switch.
Suppose you come to visit friends, or want to wish a bright person a happy birthday... Remember what happens to you: right away, the very second you see the birthday person, you charge yourself with joy, you charge yourself with light and warmth, and convey to this good person everything that you want to tell him. Or, if your baby woke up at night and cried: you need to get up, and also rock him, and even with love, because otherwise he will not fall asleep. What are you doing? You jump up at that very moment and turn to him with love, because it is necessary.
Where do you get this love? Out of thin air, nowhere. This is just the ability to love, an ordinary skill, and those who know how to turn on light and joy in their souls do it easily. It's no more difficult than feeding yourself and your kids three delicious (and healthy) meals a day. If you're good at cooking breakfast, you can handle this as well. Start loving yourself, you will love it, and after that you will do it for the rest of your life. Yes? Don't believe the books that tell you how hard it is to love yourself, that it takes years of psychotherapy. It is not true that healthy people do not need psychotherapy, mentally healthy people, like just normal healthy children, know how to rejoice and know how to love themselves. Just do it! nine0003
However, not everything that is easy for us, we will always do, even if it is in our interests. The fact is that we have many different interests, and the game of melancholy and boredom also has its own internal benefits. Lovely beautiful girls know how to flare up with joy at once, but just like that, once again they will not do it.
They do not want to warm themselves with light and warmth, they do not want to turn on the energy until they pamper themselves in meeting their needs. The consumer society and all those who are accustomed to making money on women inspire women that a woman who loves herself is sure to please herself with purchases. They suggest that shopping is an integral part of women's self-love. Studies have already been conducted that have shown that for modern women, shopping is a more psychotherapeutic procedure than visiting a psychologist. nine0003
This has its own truth: it is light, warm, colorful in modern Sales Atriums, people with lively eyes walk there, good music sometimes sounds there, and a woman, plunging into this world of light and colors, more easily includes a state of joy. Joy includes the woman herself, but at the same time she learns the formula that shopping, doping, spa and sleep is the formula of women's self-love. But it's not, it's not true.
Joy in the soul is turned on not by shopping, but by the woman herself.
When a woman has satisfied her needs, she, as it were, includes warmth, light and other joys for this. So the child cries to himself until he gets a toy, and stops crying when he has achieved his goal. Did the toy calm him down or did he do it himself? nine0003
Women know how useful massage is for health, how massage is a source of joy. In all magazines, women write that massage is an absolutely miraculous procedure, and that only these secret oriental techniques will return you to all your health. It's true, massage is really helpful. What women do not know at the same time is that the masseur is here and close to nothing, that the woman herself makes joy and health. The masseur only needs to participate in the holiday that you create for yourself, only stroke you in all the places that you like , you will do the rest yourself. For three hours he did you well, and for three hours you regained your health. Massage for health is useful, but the beauty of it is that when a woman is pleased, she herself makes herself joyful and turns on her health.
nine0003
In summary, be careful: self-love begins not when you satisfy your needs, but after that, when you like yourself and decide to love yourself, that is, you turn on the light, warmth and living energy within yourself. Accordingly, you can begin to love yourself right away, without waiting for anything from yourself.
Have you started? Yes, only then should you pay attention to the quality of your self-love. The fact is that self-love can be both right and wrong. Crooked self-love is short-sighted, love in which concern for today's desires overshadows tomorrow's needs. The girl decided to love herself more and began to eat delicious cakes without restrictions. Having ruined her figure, now she is forced to seize her loneliness with cakes. Mistake, right? nine0003
Love is a reflection of our personality. What a personality - such a love. Self-love can be narrow-minded, sometimes selfish, sometimes dangerous. And if we are not wise, then our love is not wise, and if you love yourself not wisely, your joy and self-satisfaction will not be very long.
The one who loves himself is satisfied with himself, lives with himself in joy and harmony, but only the one who loves himself wisely will please himself for a long time. Joy accompanies all life only those who love themselves wisely, who are demanding and critical of themselves. nine0003
A pig's love for himself is to eat from the belly and lie down in a cozy puddle.
Perhaps you are attracted to other perspectives. Your self-love doesn't have to be shortsighted, and it's not healthy if it's selfish. Not everything that pleases you does not always please those around you, and, apparently, it is worth learning to love yourself so that your love pleases and warms not only you, but also people close to you. Locking yourself in your love for yourself only on yourself, you, in the end, complicate and impoverish your own life. Self-love is honed, refined through the experience of loving other people. It can be said more definitely: only by learning to really love other people - your husband or wife, your children, parents - only in this case a person begins to love himself not blindly and not crookedly, but attentively and reasonably.
nine0003
Speaking about love, one should take into account the peculiarity of the male and female language. Men and women are different. For women, self-love is usually natural, coming from the heart, joyful care for yourself, for your body. When a woman takes care of everything that she has, feels and appreciates the best that is in her, takes care of herself with joy, and lives with inner light, then we can say about such a woman that she loves herself. Love for a woman is a feeling, her love is a warm attitude, and at the center of her love is joy and a sense of comfort. nine0003
So, men have a different understanding of self-love, and I understand this also worth listening to. Men talk about love less often, but if you can once say that this man loves himself, then responsible actions, his actions will always stand behind this in a man’s life. He will wash himself, educate, play sports, work with his character, that is, for a man, self-love is action. What to do with yourself to be cheerful, smart and healthy all your life.
Love for a man is action, his love is demanding, and the focus of his attention is his strength and capabilities. nine0003
If we take from men the tendency to clearly define everything, then the essence of self-love can be formulated as follows. There are four important areas in self-love: inner well-being (inner light, warmth and energy), taking care of your health (healthy lifestyle and sports), developing your culture (education and good manners) and taking care of your appearance, which should please you too and those who are dear to you.
And all this must be done. Indeed, to love is a verb, and to love yourself is to do something for yourself. What? nine0003
If you love yourself, you will give yourself the power and the right to control your life, you will choose to become the Author of your life. Start by never complaining. Asking for help is fine, but complaining is not. To complain is to experience your helplessness, which you have created for yourself.
It's empty. If you love yourself, you will give up resentment: being offended is just a childish habit. We ourselves immerse ourselves in resentment, we make ourselves bad, so that they pay attention to us and give us what we want. And when they don’t give us, we are offended again, but it doesn’t work anymore, because it worked in childhood, and in the adult world you make yourself feel bad for nothing. The one who loves himself is not offended. nine0003
The one who loves himself knows well and remembers his strengths, his virtues. Many need to learn this too, and sometimes it's easier to start by noticing the virtues in the people around you. Take it to work to write every day ten new virtues of your own and ten virtues of one of your relatives, acquaintances or work colleagues. When you know at any moment that you are a worthy person living among worthy people, it becomes easier to love yourself.
If you love yourself, you will make your inner world bright, and then the outer world, sanctified by the light of your soul, will become beautiful for you.
If you love yourself very much, you will turn on the warmth in your soul, and you will feel comfortable... How to do it? Make a list of what makes you happy, and cross out everything that is harmful. On Psychologos, find huge lists of things that make people happy, which causes surprisingly bright feelings in the soul. Choose the best for yourself and after that just do not be lazy to please yourself! As a background of life, master the exercise "It's good, and you will feel good, and after that you will consolidate your success with the" Sunshine" exercise. The sun is an expression of the inner Good outside, to people. go out to people, because you will do your make-up and fix your hair beautifully, but where is the glowing face, why do we go gloomy? If you live with a smile, you like yourself and other people more. You go to people - shine, it will be better for you! nine0003
In order to have enough strength for this, start going to bed on time, that is, today, always only before 12 am.
During the day, watch your rest, do not work drearily and to the point of exhaustion: either give yourself a rest, or work cheerfully. That's what everyone who loves himself does.
If you love yourself, you will start to live in an organized way, start writing your tasks for the day and plan for the week, later - and goals for the year. The one who loves himself makes sure that his life does not go stupidly, not by accident, but in the direction that beckons you, in the direction where you see prospects. nine0003
If you love yourself, you will believe in yourself and set big goals for your height. The one who loves himself short-sightedly sets small goals for himself so as not to strain now - and is forced to strain later, when he is no longer satisfied with what he has. Postponing going to the doctor, you only accumulate problems, and if you love yourself, you will pack up and go to the doctor, even if it is now troublesome and uncomfortable. The one who loves himself is not the one who sits in a comfortable chair and feels how he loves himself, but the one who lifts himself out of the chair, teaches himself, makes himself a man.
If you love yourself, you will always learn. Imagine - you believe in yourself, believe in your future, you believe that this is the best you can pass on to your children. You have enough mind, culture, soul, light, love, sunshine, joy, good breeding. It is the result of you always learning. You will have a Maximum Life and a plan for its implementation, and you will be proud of yourself, knowing that you deserve it! Then you have something to pass on to your children, there is something to give to men. And the man who will live with you, he will definitely be happy. And if you don't know how, you will learn. nine0003
There are four important areas in self-love: inner well-being (inner light, warmth and energy), taking care of your health (healthy lifestyle and sports), developing your culture (education and good manners) and taking care of your appearance, which should please both you and your loved one.
Joy to us, energy, and hurry! And to make it all faster and more organized, get on the Distance: this is a system that will definitely help you along the way.
