Girlfriend asked for space
What She Means & You Should Do
You love her, but when she says she needs space, what does she mean? When a girl says she needs space, should you do something or back off?
When a girl says she needs space, it can catch you off guard. What does that mean? Are you on a break? Does she need an hour? Or a month?
And if that moment comes, is it your fault? What did you do to piss her off?
Sure, maybe you did something wrong, but that isn’t always the case. When a girl says she needs space, it could mean a lot of things. And, some of those things actually have nothing to do with you.
Try not to get in your own head too much. When a girl says she needs space, don’t assume you know what that means for your relationship.
[Read: How to give space and stay close without drifting apart]
Space isn’t always bad
Before we offer you all the meanings behind what space may mean to her and how you should handle it, hear this. Just because she wants space doesn’t mean you’re breaking up.
Space rarely means a break. It rarely means something awful.
Think about when you need space. Sometimes you just want to sit and play video games without a conversation. That doesn’t mean you don’t love her, it just means you want some alone time. There is nothing wrong with that.
Maybe you are used to her always wanting to talk or share her feelings so you assume something is wrong when she wants to be apart from you. [Read: How to know when to give your partner space]
Overthinking and jumping to conclusions when she says she needs space will only drive you crazy. It will make it harder for you to give her the space she needs and that could actually push her away.
Before we go any further, I just don’t want you to assume the worst. Sometimes, space is just space.
When a girl says she needs space
Listen, as a woman, I can tell you every woman has their own reason for needing space. Yes, I know, we’re complex. But don’t take it so personally. Instead, figure out why she’s asking for some space and then form an opinion. [Read: When a woman pulls away – What she’s really trying to tell you]
Is she just stressed? Or maybe she is upset with you and needs to cool off before talking about it. There are a lot of reasons as to why she says she needs space. You want to take a look at all of them before jumping to conclusions.
Perhaps it is something you said. Or, maybe she feels overwhelmed. If you truly want to find out, ask her. But until then, let’s look at the reasons why she needs space and what you need to do after she tells you this.
1. She just needs some space
I know this sounds crazy but sometimes, it’s not even as complicated as you think it is. She could have a lot going on with school, work, or have personal issues at home. Taking the time to see you is just too much for her to handle right now. She is exhausted and frazzled, so she needs to rest.
When a girl says she needs space, it doesn’t mean she wants to dump you. It doesn’t mean you suck or made her upset. It just means she needs some time to get things in order or to relax. If you know her life is hectic, this is probably the reason why. She’s trying to gain control of her life again and needs some space to herself to do that. [Read: The 10 things men need to accept about women]
2. She misses her life before you
Since she has been with you, she hasn’t gone out with her girlfriends. She hasn’t gone dancing at the clubs, and it’s itching her. She just wants some time on her own to enjoy the things she loves doing.
This doesn’t necessarily mean she is sick of you or not happy, it just means she wants some of her independence. Just like you want to hang with the guys, she needs that time too.
It’s probably not that you’re controlling her, but she’s clearly feeling unable to do the things she used to do when she’s around you. It could just be that you’ve had a whirlwind relationship that has been amazing and overwhelming. It’s great but she hasn’t had time for other focuses. [Read: How to be independent while in a relationship]
The space she’s asking for is to spend time doing other things she likes.3. She sees you too often
She sees you a lot. Yes, she loves spending time with you, but right now she’s sick of your face. Maybe she needs to work through her feelings. And yes, she could be irritated by something you did. When a girl says she needs space, sometimes she just wants a couple of days to hang around the house in her PJs without seeing your face.
I know this sounds harsh, but too much of anyone can be a lot. She may be used to spending time alone, so being around you a lot could just be too much interaction. Maybe you just chew too loudly sometimes and she wants to enjoy a meal in silence. [Read: How to avoid being clingy and stop being a stage 5 clinger]
4. She’s thinking about ending the relationship
Having sex with someone that you don’t want to be with anymore isn’t fun. Neither is spending time with him.
Now, don’t jump right away to this conclusion. Usually, if this is the case, there would have been clear signs prior to this decision. She would be pulling away physically and retreating. When someone is waiting to break up with you, they may not even say they need space, but just take it.
But, in the event that is what it means for your girlfriend, she may be seeing if she enjoys time away from you. [Read: Does your girlfriend want a break? All the real reasons why]
5. Things aren’t changing
Has she asked you to help around the house thousands of times? Have you followed through? She is sick of nagging you. So, she’s asking for space. It looks like she’s doing everything she can to not breakup with you, but you’re not leaving her much choice.
Clearly, you know if you’ve changed your behavior or not. If you haven’t and the relationship has come to this point: do you even want to be with her? There is a reason she isn’t happy, and in that case, you may not be either. [Read: Are you a good person?]
6. She’s struggling to talk to you
Girls aren’t always open books. When a girl says she needs space, she may have something going on that she is really struggling with. Being around you and not being able to tell you for some reason is getting to her.
Maybe she’s afraid to admit something or is worried about your reaction. Or, she could just be overwhelmed and in denial. This space is what she needs to reflect without your influence.
What to do when she says she needs space
Your first reaction to when she says she needs space may be to fix the problem. Guys are fixers, after all. But, wait up a second.
Read through these guidelines and see if there is a better path for you. There probably is.
1. Give her space
Don’t argue with her, don’t beg on your knees for her to stay. Space doesn’t means she’s leaving you. And assuming that and freaking out will only push her further away.
She’s asking for space, so give her space. Take a couple of days off from talking. When she is ready, she will reach out. [Read: How to give space in a relationship and have a better romance]
2. Spend time with friends and family
I know this sounds lame, but there’s no point sitting at home waiting for her to message you. She won’t be sending you texts right away. Dwelling on it will make you feel crazy.
This is now your chance to spend time with the people you’ve ditched when you were focused on her.
Talk to your friends, try to see their point of view. Maybe they see something that you don’t. You don’t even have to talk about her. Just try to enjoy your space too. Who knows, you may have been so worried about her space, you didn’t even realize you needed some too. [Read: Do you need space in the relationship?]
3. Think about the relationship
Are you happy in the relationship? Maybe you are so worried about her being unhappy, you didn’t even realize that you want space too.
When a girl says she needs space, ask yourself if there’s something that’s been building up over the past months or weeks? What are your weaknesses in the relationship? Is there something you’ve been overlooking or ignoring?
Sometimes, you get so used to a relationship being the way it is, you don’t see the problems that are right in front of you. [Read: How to love someone without smothering them]
4. Talk to her
Eventually, you’ll sit down and talk with her. Now, this may be after a couple of days or even a couple of weeks. But the point is, you are now able to sit down and discuss what’s really going on.
Let her share with you why she needed space and how it was for her. Did she get the time she needed? Did she miss you? Also, talk about what you’ve been thinking about, your weaknesses, and the relationship as a whole. What have you realized during this time?
Was this space to help you grow closer or to help you back away? [Read: 14 steps to improve your communication skills with your partner]
5. Remain loyal
If you think this is your time to hook up with random chicks, you’re wrong. When a girl says she needs space, remember that her asking for space doesn’t mean you are on a temporary break. You are still together. Unless she’s specifically told you that the relationship is on a break, then you’re technically still together.
Plus, this isn’t the time to be sleeping around. You’re supposed to be reflecting on the relationship, remember? But if you are hooking up, or wanting to, maybe the relationship wasn’t meant to last. This could also be why she wanted the space to begin with. [Read: The must-follow rules to follow when you’re on a relationship break]
6. When you see her, don’t try to get in her pants
If you haven’t seen her for a couple of days or weeks, don’t jump on the opportunity to get into her pants. This wasn’t just a pause. This space was called for. Talk about it.
I get it, you’re feeling sex-deprived, but you have a bigger problem on your hands. Your relationship. Focus on that first and foremost.
[Read: How to give someone space without losing them]
Now that you have a clearer picture of why, you can figure out what to do when a girl says she needs space. Regardless, give her the space she needs.
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Do These 7 Things If She Tells You She Needs Space – Men's Breakup
One of the most confusing moments in any relationship is when the woman you love tells you that she needs space, especially when you don’t feel the same way. It’s normal to have all these questions rush to your head. Is this a bad thing? Is she going to break it off? Does she want to see other guys? How long should I wait?
Today, I am to answer these questions and many more, because it’s very easy to mishandle the situation when she says she needs space. I don’t want to see you act desperate and ruin something that is potentially salvageable.
But I must warn you: failure to follow the advice I have here could result in dire consequences. When a woman gets to the point where she’s asking you for space, there’s not a lot you can do to change her mind. You’ll need to be patient, and follow the advice I’m about to give you.
So please, for your own sake, pay attention!
- 1 When A Girl Says She Needs Time To Figure Things Out, She May Be Having Doubts About Your Relationship
- 1. 1 1: You Put Too Much Pressure On Her (You Were Too Needy)
- 1.2 2: Your Relationship Is New And Is Moving Faster Than She’s Comfortable With
- 1.3 3: She’s Going Through A Stressful Period In Her Life / Your Relationship Is On The Rocks
- 1.4 It’s Also Possible She Has An Avoidant Attachment Style
- 2 So, What Does It Mean When Your Girlfriend Says She Needs Space?
- 3 When She Says She Needs Time How Long Should You Wait?
- 4 Will She Come Back If You Give Her Space?
- 5 So, What Should You Do When She Says She Needs Space?
- 5.1 1: Listen & Don’t Put Pressure On Her
- 5.2 2: Give Your Girlfriend The Time And Space She Wants
- 5.3 3: Figure Out Why She Wants Space
- 5.4 4: Pay Attention To Your Own Happiness In The Relationship
- 5.5 5: Spend Time Evaluating Your Life Systems
- 5.6 6: Learn To Establish Healthy Boundaries (Because Not A Lot Of Relationships Have Them)
- 5.7 7: Become A Man She Doesn’t Want To Live Without
When A Girl Says She Needs Time To Figure Things Out, She May Be Having Doubts About Your Relationship
Long story short, when a girl you were in a relationship with says she needs space, it’s generally because at least 1 of 3 things happened:
- You put too much pressure on her;
- Your relationship has only been going on for a few months and she feels like it’s moving too fast;
- She’s going through an extremely stressful period in her life, and you either aren’t helping, or you’re making it worse;
In addition, it’s possible she has an avoidant attachment style which can exacerbate any of these.
Are there exceptions to this? Yes. Sometimes other things can come up, like her being busy with work or a laundry list of to-dos accumulating in her life. Generally, if it’s just minor stresses accumulating in her life that she needs to focus on, she will tell you.
However, when she just asks for space and doesn’t provide a reason (that you are aware of, because it’s entirely possible you weren’t listening to her) it’s generally 1 of the 3 scenarios above. That goes double if she asks for space after a disagreement.
To be clear – her asking for space isn’t one of her subtle communication techniques. It’s almost always a cry for help, a signal that something in the relationship isn’t going right.
Let’s go through these scenarios really quick so you can pin it down to one or two of these things.
1: You Put Too Much Pressure On Her (You Were Too Needy)
How your girlfriend believes you understand, value, and support her (which is known as perceived partner responsiveness) is one of the most important aspects of a healthy relationship. A relationship high in perceived partner responsiveness generally leaves both partners feeling close, satisfied, and committed to each other.
A responsive partner conveys warmth, sensitivity to their partner’s feelings, and wants to make their partner feel comfortable, listened to, valued, and understood.
Neediness comes from relationship insecurity, whether that’s a result of childhood attachment issues, previous failed relationships, self-neglect, etc.
When you’re not secure in your relationship, it becomes impossible to be sensitive, warm, or understanding because you are generally seeking reassurance to calm your own insecurities instead.
What neediness really is a fundamental belief that you are unworthy of love, and as a result, you feel the need to continuously seek reassurance to make yourself feel better.
|“Why doesn’t she want to hang out tonight?“
|“Hey, did I do something wrong?”
“Are you seeing someone else?”
|“Hey, I know you had a long day at work. I sent you your favorite orange chicken and a bottle of wine. I love you”
|“Why didn’t she text back right away?“
|“Your friends must be more interesting than me, huh?”
“What, is the Bachelor better than talking to me?
|She must have gotten distracted, I’m going to get back to work.
|Does she even love me?
|I don’t think she does because (followed by a focus on the negatives of the relationship)
|She does. She shows me (the positives of the relationship).
|She’s been acting different
|“What did I do wrong?”
“Is this my fault?”
“Am I not good enough for you?”
|“Hey, is everything going okay? I’m here for you if you need it”
Often, when she says she needs space, it’s because she’s grown tired of constantly reassuring you that everything is okay. It can be incredibly draining to have to try to “manage” an insecure partner who lacks good emotional regulation. It’s an unhealthy dynamic that doesn’t set you up for relationship success.
When pushed too far, needy behavior can lead to her completely shutting down, sometimes to the point where an otherwise interested woman will go cold. More on that at the link below.
Related: Why Is My Ex-Girlfriend So Cold To Me?
While neediness is often overlooked (especially during NRE), it becomes more apparent as the relationship goes on. When it becomes too much, especially in the context of other circumstances in her life, is when she may say she needs space.
You can either react to this by pressing her more, or you can choose to embody one of the key principles I teach here at Men’s Breakup: to focus on yourself and let her come to you at a pace she is comfortable with.
Read More: Don’t Chase, Let Her Go If You Want Her Back
2: Your Relationship Is New And Is Moving Faster Than She’s Comfortable With
When your relationship is fairly new, pushing for commitment before she is ready to give it can lead to her needing space. While this doesn’t always indicate neediness, it often goes hand in hand. When you feel the need to push for something in a relationship, it’s often indicative of a limiting belief that you don’t deserve that thing. See below.
|Moving Too Fast
|Taking Your Time
|You just met a woman you really like and have started talking to her from online dating.
|Before the date even happens, you are talking to her on the phone every day to try to make her like you.
|You have a few brief, meaningful conversations and invite her out on a date to see if you like her.
|You just had a great first date, and you want to see her again.
|“Hey, I just deleted my Hinge. I want you to come up to my place for the weekend”
|“Hey, I really enjoyed our date last night. I hope you have a great week, I’ll call you in a few days”
|You have been dating a woman for a few weeks and want something more.
|“Hey, I want you to stop seeing other people. I think we have a great thing going on here”
|You enjoy the moment because you aren’t scared of the future. You wait for her to bring up being exclusive.
|You have been dating a woman for a few weeks and the holidays are coming up
|“You should come meet my family / come to my family Christmas party”
|You let her enjoy the holidays with her family, and focus on enjoying them with yours. She’ll meet them when the time is right.
|You have been dating her for a few months and have been exclusive. You want her to move in with you.
|“We should move in together because [insert cookie-cutter reason here]”
|You realize that in the early stages of the relationship, you should be focused on getting to know her for at least 6-12 months before you think about cohabitating.
A lot of men over 40 that I work with have this problem, where they want to progress the relationship faster than the woman. This could be because men tend to experience more feelings of loneliness than women.
Another contributing factor is that many men have difficulty finding emotionally intimate relationships with other men where they are comfortable talking about issues, challenges, etc. Men tend to rely more on women in their life for emotional closeness than women do for men.
Moreover, as men get older their social networks tend to shrink in size.
Regardless of how old you are, the worst thing you can do early in a relationship is to get too excited too soon. It takes longer (on average) for women to experience the same feelings of love that you are experiencing.
While it takes a strong man to patiently wait for her feelings to develop, giving her the time to decide how she feels about you is the only way she will be able to trust you. Her emotions don’t run on your timeline. If you are able to be patient and enjoy living your life, eventually she will warm up to you if you do everything else right.
Read More: It Takes Time, Be Patient And Enjoy The Ride
While you may have different ideas of what is too fast, or too slow, when you push a woman into something she isn’t ready for it can make her question your confidence and sense of security. You want to pay attention to the speed with which you are moving.
When your relationship is still new and she’s not emotionally invested in you, pushing for too much, too soon can make her scared or worried that you will try to control her during the relationship.
Related: How To Re-Attract Her After Being Needy
3: She’s Going Through A Stressful Period In Her Life / Your Relationship Is On The Rocks
If your girlfriend says she needs space but she tells you how much she loves you, it’s usually because she is going through a stressful period in her life.
Stress can have a noticeable effect on our personal lives, but especially on our relationships. When a woman you are dating is stressed, she may become less affectionate, withdrawn, or distracted. Another sign to pay attention to is if her sex drive diminishes.
You may also notice more closed-off body language from her – including less affectionate touch, crossed arms, crossed legs, and less laughter or joy than usual.
Stressful circumstances occurring outside of your relationship are often associated with lower evaluations of relationship quality . Known as “stress spillover”, after a stressful life event, close relationships often suffer setbacks, even if everything else in the relationship is going well.
Common stressors include:
- Work-life balance
- Family issues (especially a death)
- Financial issues
- Emotional issues
Read More: She Broke Up With Me Because Of Her Depression
Stress diminishes and depletes even the most energetic of us and can break down communication even in couples that communicate well.
So if your girlfriend asked for space and you don’t feel like she’s telling you what’s wrong, give her a break. If you guys really care for each other, communicate clearly that you love her, and then back off until she’s comfortable talking to you.
With that in mind, stress tends to affect couples the most who were already having issues. So if things were already going wrong in your relationship prior to the stressful event, it’s even more likely that your girlfriend says she needs space.
It’s Also Possible She Has An Avoidant Attachment Style
An avoidant attachment style is born from a childhood where one or both parents were emotionally unavailable or unresponsive to the needs of their child.
One of the characteristic behaviors of an avoidant adult is feeling uncomfortable when their relationship gets too close, or it asks too much of them. Avoidant adults may see their partners as wanting too much, especially if their partner is an anxious attachment style – which requires constant reassurance. Avoidants tend to have difficulty discussing their feelings, and they typically respond to stressful situations and relationship problems by withdrawing.
Several studies put the number of women with an avoidant attachment style somewhere between 13-20%.
If she’s an avoidant, she may not feel comfortable with sustained emotional closeness and may withdraw, especially if you are needy and constantly need reassurance in the relationship.
So, What Does It Mean When Your Girlfriend Says She Needs Space?
Long story short, when your girlfriend says she needs space, it means that your relationship quality is suffering, even if it isn’t your fault. From her point of view, her needing space means that she needs time to think about your relationship.
It could be because you are too needy.
It could be because you’re moving too fast for her liking.
It could be because of external stress putting strain on your relationship.
Heck, it could even be because your relationship was already on life support. This is doubly true if your girlfriend needs space after a fight, which isn’t a good sign.
Without knowing your personal situation it’s impossible for me to say for sure.
If you want my help figuring out exactly what it is, I’ll need to know more information about your personal situation. These common reasons may only partially cover why she is asking for space. If you’re interested, click the button below.
Learn More About Why She Needs Space
It’s certainly easy to be a prisoner of the moment here when you’re in this situation and assume that her feelings for you are gone. But at this point, there is no way to know for sure how she feels, other than to talk to her to get an answer. We can make educated guesses all day long, but if she’s needing space, it’s best to give it to her.
With that in mind…
When She Says She Needs Time How Long Should You Wait?
When she says she needs space and time, there is no one set of time that you should wait. It depends on the situation and relationship. I wish I could give you a straight answer here, but I’m just going to have to sit this one out.
Unless, of course, you’re willing to give me more information on your personal situation. Then I can most likely answer your question with a reasonable degree of accuracy in my email coaching program.
Learn Exactly How Long You Should Wait
Without knowing your specific situation of course, I can only give you a very general answer.
When she says she needs time, you should wait as long as it takes. It could be a few days. It could be a few months. You might never hear from her again, even though that is unlikely. But it sure as hell beats the alternative.
Will She Come Back If You Give Her Space?
If you give her space, the chances of her coming back are far more likely than if you continue to ignore her request and keep talking to her. In other words, the best thing you can do if you want to say your relationship is to temporarily enact the no contact rule.
The no contact rule is one of the better subtle communication techniques you can use to communicate to show her that you aren’t scared to give her the space she needs.
Read More: The Complete Guide To The No Contact Rule
I will say that if your girlfriend asked for space because of a stressful situation in her life, you will probably be better off trying to ask for more information about what is stressing her out in a respectful way.
Of course, that’s if you know for sure that the stressors are all external and not related to your relationship.
I can help you tell the difference if you are struggling, but I’ll need more information to give you a more specific response.
Read More: Will She Come Back? How To Increase Your Chances
So, What Should You Do When She Says She Needs Space?
Without knowing your specific situation, there are 7 things that you generally need to do when she says she needs space. While these may go against what you want to do, I can tell you that they will give you the best chance of her coming back to you eventually.
Don’t stress too hard or worry about her losing interest. If she’s interested and you give her the space she asked for, there is a good chance you will be able to course-correct. If she isn’t interested, these 7 things will be helpful if you ever find yourself in the same situation with your next woman.
1: Listen & Don’t Put Pressure On Her
I know how terrible it is to hear that the woman you love needs space and time. But before you panic at the thought of your girlfriend becoming your ex girlfriend, take a deep breath and hang on with me for a second. The only way that you are going to come out of this entire experience stronger is if you spend time listening to her when she asks for space.
One of the best things you can do as a supportive partner is to spend time listening to your girlfriend without judgment and without pressuring her for an explanation.
Listening doesn’t just mean hearing what she’s saying, but it also means paying attention to how she’s saying it, and her body language while she’s saying it. Being a good listener alone will make you stand out from other guys, because most men are terrible at active listening.
Once she gets to the point where she needs to ask for space, there’s nothing you can do to change her mind at that moment.
That includes begging, pleading, and trying to convince her to change her mind. These all put more pressure on her when pressure is the last thing she wants.
In fact, anything you do to try to change her mind will only make the problem worse.
The same goes for trying to blow sunshine up her ass. When she wants space, she wants space, not flattery.
The best action you can take is to acknowledge what she wants and give it to her without fighting back.
If she is still talking to you, one of the best things you can do is to say “I completely understand that you want space, is there anything I can do for you right now?”
2: Give Your Girlfriend The Time And Space She Wants
There’s an old saying you should take to heart.
Jokes aside, if there isn’t anything that your girlfriend suggests that you can do for her, the only thing you can do is to give her what she wants on her terms.
But you can give her space on her terms while you keep control of yourself and your response to the situation.
It’s really simple. When she says that she wants space, tell her that you understand her needing space. Ask if there is anything you can do for her. If there isn’t anything that she wants you guys to do, give her the needed space. Tell her that you understand where she’s coming from, and you will be around when she wants to talk.
Then stop contacting her.
If she wants to talk, she’s going to have to reach out to you. When she does reach out, invite her over to your place like you usually would.
Read More: How To Invite Her To Meet Up With You
Despite how simple this sounds, it’s going to be very hard for many of you to do. I know how scary and disheartening this is to do, especially if it’s your first time doing such a thing.
The crippling anxiety of wondering about what she’s doing can be hard to face, but to grow as a man you’ll need to handle it.
You should be prepared to wait her out, however long it takes.
In the meantime though, you have two choices. Either you can kick back on your couch and watch Tiger King again or you can…
3: Figure Out Why She Wants Space
If she’s already told you why she wants to step back, then you can skip this step.
But if she hasn’t, and you’re still unsure why it’s worth figuring out.
There are a few questions you can ask yourself to get to the bottom of it including:
- What does she value in a relationship?
- Were you giving it to her?
- What was her parents relationship like?
- Were there things she asked you to stop doing that you didn’t stop doing?
- Did you smother her or try to control her?
- Were you extremely needy?
- Did you not support her when she needed your support?
The reason it’s so important to figure out why isn’t so much for her.
It’s for you.
You want to save your relationship, right?
To do that, you need to make sure you fix whatever is causing her to want space or at least take steps to minimize it if it’s something you can’t change.
If you don’t, the problem is going to come back. And when it does, she’s much more likely to start thinking about leaving.
The good news is that the problems that can cause her to ask for space are almost all fixable.
A guy I worked with a couple of months back was a great example of this. His girlfriend wanted space, and he didn’t understand why at first.
After booking a session with me, we finally got to the bottom of it. He came from a Lebanese family where everyone was intimately involved in his life and by extension hers too.
We figured out that it was his family that was smothering her. After advising him to assert more control in his own life, they got back together, and when I last checked they were still going strong.
4: Pay Attention To Your Own Happiness In The RelationshipJust in case you need a smile.
Happy people tend to have easy, drama-free relationships.
When you’re happy, you’re easier to be around, and you’ll put less pressure on your girlfriend.
If you’ve been unhappy, it’s completely possible that your girlfriend has felt like the weight of your happiness has been on her shoulders.
No woman wants to feel like she’s the only source of your happiness, especially your girlfriend. Women want to share in your happiness, not feel responsible for it.
If you’ve been depressed and now she’s asking you for space, you should prioritize treating your depression before you do anything else.
The good news is there’s plenty you can do to get yourself back on the right track.
5: Spend Time Evaluating Your Life Systems
Who you are is what attracts women, but who you choose to act like on a daily basis is what keeps them.
That includes your daily habits, your schedule, and the systems that serve your purpose, whatever it is.
Women love men who have a purpose, and in the long term, this is one of the most attractive things about a man that women look for.
There’s no secret about that. The most attractive man is a man who has his own plan and the means to accomplish it.
When you have a purpose and the systems to make it happen, you’ll naturally become a happier person which makes you more fun to be around.
You’ll also feel considerably less needy and more focused on what really matters: you. This takes a lot of pressure off your girlfriend, especially if you were too needy or you were smothering her.
So take some time to review your life systems. Here are a few questions to ask to get started:
- How are you structuring your day to achieve your goals?
- Are you working out regularly?
- Eating healthy?
- Do you have a healthy decision-making process?
- What about how you have fun?
Getting to the bottom of your life systems isn’t the only way to work on yourself while you are giving her much-needed space, but it’s one of the best ways.
6: Learn To Establish Healthy Boundaries (Because Not A Lot Of Relationships Have Them)
In a lot of cases when your girlfriend asks for space, something has changed recently in your relationship.
As we mentioned before, some of these changes can include:
- Becoming serious very quickly without really getting to know each other first
- Moving in together before you’re ready
- Getting laid off from work
- Having kids (but that’s a whole different can of worms)
- Moving to a new city where you don’t know anyone
- Traumatic experiences
When something big changes in your relationship, it can affect the careful balance that all relationships need.
Boundaries are one of those unspoken considerations that are often talked about online but rarely acted upon in real-time.
Assuming your girlfriend has already asked for space, you can’t go asking her about boundaries just yet.
But what you can do is this: you can impose boundaries for yourself so that you’re putting less pressure on her.
The boundaries you decide on are going to depend on what made her request space in the first place, which is why it’s important to be as clear as possible about why.
For example, if she wants space because you’re too needy, which as we discussed is very common, establishing healthy boundaries might look like this:
- Giving her a few hours of uninterrupted alone time every night
- Only calling her to schedule dates
- Not going to her every time you need validation or attention
- Not discussing every little problem or minor detail with her
- Being okay with her going out with her friends without you
Boundaries are EXTREMELY important, especially in a long-term relationship. The quality of your boundaries and the quality of your relationship go hand in hand.
7: Become A Man She Doesn’t Want To Live WithoutLet’s be real guys, we all do this because it works.
Ultimately, the way to win her back for good is to become a high-quality man that she feels is adding value to her life.
If you’re adding enough value and you have proper boundaries set, you’re well on your way to a happy and harmonious relationship with your girlfriend.
The good news is, you can start becoming a man she can’t live without right now. Read this. This article is meant for guys that have just gone through a breakup, but almost all of the advice is applicable to you too if you are giving your current girlfriend space.
Besides the tips there, there are three big pieces of advice I can give you:
- Learn how to LISTEN to your girlfriend.
- Learn how to communicate with her effectively.
- Learn how to control your emotions.
In my experience working with guys over the past 5 years, learning those two things eliminates about 80% of all relationship problems.
For more help putting these plans into place, feel free to book a coaching session with me and I’ll help you unleash the man inside that she can’t possibly live without.
Good luck my friend, I hope we’ll talk soon.
PS: If you want to get my expert advice on whether or not she’s gone for good, click here.
Signs of a Toxic Relationship
While some girls are in an open and supportive relationship, others may be trapped by a bad friend. There is a chance that she simply did not think about how her behavior affects you, in which case a heart-to-heart talk can make a difference. And if not... Then just run.
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We tell you how to understand that next to you is not a true friend, but a toxic person whose main goal is to suck all the strength out of you and get benefit from it exclusively for yourself!
Always talks only about himself
Discussing important topics and maintaining a conversation with such people is not easy. It is especially difficult to share something, even to talk about simple everyday things.
You told your friend that you were going on vacation to Crimea. But in response, I have to listen to her endless stories about how she went to Sudak with a friend and la-la-la, me, me, me.
She shared that a simple operation is ahead, she needs to take tests, and in this regard, you are a little worried. But the friend is already pouring knowledge in the field of medicine and notices that she experienced worse torment. nine0031 Hearing your desire to go to a new comedy at the cinema or read a recently released bestseller, the interlocutor tells in detail about the plot and reports on her own impressions.
There are many such examples. Every day, a friend treats your interests worse and ignores your words. This girl may not be as self-centered as she seems. Her real problem is that she has an attention deficit, and she only pays attention to the part of the conversation that she can apply to herself, instead of focusing on what you want to say. Real friends are able to listen to you. nine0003
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Chooses the man you like
A friend sleeps with a guy you like. You perfectly understand that not every man you can fall in love with will reciprocate. You are an adult to accept this. Your friend is bad if she knows about it, but didn't talk to you first. nine0003
A friend was expected to wipe away your tears over a failed relationship. In extreme cases, he will explain himself, and not silently ride you on a dashing horse. A person is worthless if he does not care about your feelings, if he consciously causes you severe pain.
Not ready to be together in grief
A bad friend is not in a hurry to celebrate when something serious and fateful happens in your life. For example, you got a new job, or you are getting married, or you are planning an amazing honeymoon in Spain. Her reaction to your successes is simple tricks:
- Changes a topic that is happy for you but uncomfortable for her.
- Talks about her unfortunate fate and pulls the blanket over herself to be pitied.
- He says dubious things, forcing pessimism into the notes of your joy.
- Tries to outdo you (they say she has been to Spain ten times, the beaches are dirty and the people are boring).
- He predicts aloud that your euphoria is unlikely to last long.
Such friends are more likely to come to hear about your dismissal or breakup with a boyfriend. When you share good news with them, you expect them to sincerely rejoice for you. Otherwise, not far from feeling guilty for your own success or glimpses of happiness. Then it becomes bad after talking with a friend, as if you stole someone else's. Then, from longing, at least give your all. But it is worth remembering that you deserve it and this does not come from the desire to annoy a friend. nine0003
Likes to play with one goal
A toxic friend expects you to do everything for her, but is not ready to return the same. From sincere motives, you are ready to sacrifice your plans in order to run to her, rescue, help. But how long have you seen such an attitude towards yourself?
- You look after her cat every time she goes away, but she never took your dog for a walk.
- You come to visit her with a full package of sweets, and she comes to you empty-handed. nine0059
- You will always help her choose a dress or sort out the intricacies of relations with her MCH, and she won’t even pick up the phone if you need to speak out or urgently help with something.
This is not friendship, but a one-sided game. Let the worst friend boldly fight for the title. Do you need it? Is there a place in your life for a girl who is not going to lift a finger for you?
Jealous of the rest of the environment
In addition to her, you have many good friends and acquaintances. How to understand that a friend is bad and it is better to stop all communication with her? She never says something kind about your acquaintances and friends, no matter if they are women or men. No one is forcing her to love them. But this does not mean that it is worth discrediting them in your eyes, because they are dear to you. nine0003
A toxic friend doesn't allow the thought of you taking a walk or having lunch in a cafe with anyone other than her. It is she who should always be present at all your significant and not very events. It is unlikely that these people seriously harmed her. Most likely, she just loves to make drama out of nothing. Likes to push out those who supposedly pose a threat to her first place in your world.
Becomes your copy and tries to surpass you
A friend who envy you. This one is easy to recognize: she constantly makes ambiguous remarks about everything you do, and goes out of her way just to outdo you. If it is more important for her to compete than to be friends, is it worth spending time on her? nine0003
It is said that the best form of flattery is imitation. But in friendly relations, such behavior looks more like a caricature and these are clearly signs of a bad friend. Why do you need to see a copy of your walk, style, hairstyle? Most likely, you seek to communicate with a person who has his own views and manners, and not look in a living mirror.
Sees everything in a black light
Negativity.To put it mildly, a beech, harshly - a pessimist and a rude woman. She doesn't like everyone you both meet, every party you go to, every shop, cafe, concert... There's really nothing to even discuss with her, she's only capable of criticism. It infects with the habit of seeing only the bad in everything and not noticing the good. nine0109
Perhaps sometimes a fly in the ointment and productive criticism is necessary in life. But this is not the case. Rather, signs of a toxic girlfriend, from whom it is better to stay away. Communication with such people just drives you into depression. If you want to be happy, surround yourself with positivity.
Exchanges an old girlfriend for a new love
A friend who wants nothing more to do with you as soon as she has a new boyfriend. It doesn't matter that you supported her at the moment of the last difficult parting - now she is in order, and friends are forgotten. Forget it, otherwise she will run to you to cry and disappear when everything is fine. nine0003
Makes flattering speeches with subtext
A friend who gives you ambiguous compliments. From the series:
“You are so natural! It's great that you're not obsessed with cosmetics. That's right, don't be ashamed of wrong facial features!"
“Listen, tell me how to get better. Otherwise, whatever I eat, it’s not horse food. What do you usually eat, for example?
“If I didn’t know, I would never have thought that you are 10 years older than me!”. nine0003
And all this is usually voiced in front of a man who looks at you with interest. Oh well. The most idiotic thing is that people who give out such bitchy comments really think that it makes them beautiful. Pathetic, funny creatures. When a bad relationship with a girlfriend goes beyond all the limits of decency and tact, it is better to avoid such a company.
Can't keep her word and is always late
A friend who dynamizes you so often that it is not clear how she manages to live with such a level of responsibility. When you arrange to meet, you are more likely to marry Brad Pitt than to see her at the appointed time. The girlfriend is getting worse and worse about the promises she made. At the same time, she either lies, making up excuses, or accuses you of finding fault with her and taking her sweet frivolity too close to your heart - oh-la-la! nine0003
What do you call a bad friend who won't bother apologizing for being late or disrupting an important task? At best, an ill-bred person. There is nothing charming or cute in this behavior: it just means that she does not respect you, your time and your friendship.
Just a bad influence on you
A friend who tries to get you into drinking or experimenting with drugs. "No" means "no", and end of discussion. There are people who believe that everything in life should be tried (for some reason, “everything” is often understood not as climbing a mountain peak and volunteering in Africa, but as all sorts of bad excesses). Let them try - without you. If you know how to enjoy life without harmful addictions, why waste time on people who are dragging you down? nine0003
These observations will help identify toxic friends. And knowing how to ward off bad friends can only make your life better. Try to apply the advice of psychologists:
- To begin with, tactfully point out the shortcoming. If a friend is not ready to change, this is a dead end.
- Try to ignore calls, messages and invitations to spend time together.
- After her next antics, quarrel and break off friendship.
- Use her methods. Yes, yes, she has such a charming hairstyle and all three hairs on her head are beautiful. nine0059
- Still don't cheat on yourself and tell everything honestly. There is no shame in ending an unhealthy relationship.
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6 types of girlfriends you shouldn't hang out with
It's important for us to surround ourselves with people who make life great and let go of those who make you feel bad and empty . Surely there are people in life that you have outgrown. Leave in the past such girlfriends, if you have them. nine0003
1. A friend who is not happy for you
You met a man with whom you are ready to go on a second date, or received a solid bonus at work. You are in seventh heaven, and your friend is darker than clouds. Perhaps the reason is envy or self-doubt. She chooses to ignore your success instead of rejoicing and celebrating it with you. Share your joy with those who are rooting for you.
2. A friend who makes dubious compliments
She formulates her thoughts in such a way that it is not immediately clear whether this is a compliment or an insult. For example, she says that she would like to live your life because you do not have real responsibilities and duties. Or notes how wonderful your outfit looks from afar. All compliments start with cute phrases, but end with negativity. The world is full of critics. You should not invest in a relationship with a girlfriend who shows passive aggression. nine0003
3. A friend who is always negative
Not only is she not happy for you, she is basically not happy about anything. Bought a dress with a 50% discount? It will probably fit. Found a new apartment? But the area is so noisy. No matter what was discussed, she always has a negative opinion on this matter. Perhaps she really perceives this world as a negative abyss, but you should not experience this influence on yourself.
4. A friend who keeps ruining plans
She calls five minutes before her dinner date and says she's still shopping. Cancels going to the concert that you have long dreamed of the night before. Of course, sometimes life interferes with plans - there's nothing you can do about it. But ignoring obligations to others and behaving as you please is a completely different matter. Remember how little free time you have. Dedicate it to friends who treat it with respect. nine0003
5. A friend who competes with you
A friend's success can motivate you to achieve your goals, but competition should not be at the heart of the relationship. She may be keeping score. Have you made a dish you are proud of? She knew how to cook it a year ago. Have you bought shoes that you have been saving for a long time? She already has two pairs. Such relationships are doomed. It is more pleasant to communicate with people who want the best for you, rather than trying to assert themselves at your expense.
6. A friend with whom you lost intimacy
This loss is the hardest to accept. Your lives have changed and you have changed with them. If you've tried to reconnect with no success, it's logical to let go of the relationship.