Gaining control of your emotions

5 ways to gain control over your emotions | FIU News

By Karina Taylee

Have you been feeling stressed, sad or disappointed during the last several months? 

Pause. Before you start repressing those feelings and wishing they’d go away, remember that all feelings are meant to be felt. Feelings communicate your needs and give you feedback on your current situation. So how do you listen to your emotions and respond to them, instead of reacting?

“If you found that before the pandemic, you didn’t use effective self-regulation strategies, now it’s really a situation where those poor coping skills are not going to cut it. And that can really be a big problem,” says assistant professor George Buzzell, a neurocognitive researcher at FIU.

Buzzell studies the brain’s executive functions, which is a fancy way of saying the system your brain uses to monitor and adapt itself as it receives new information. We currently know that this system has three branches: working memory, inhibition and task switching.

At its core, emotional regulation is your ability to use these three functions to make use of your emotions.

Have you ever noticed yourself getting emotional and then forgetting things, saying something you don’t mean, or struggling to get tasks done? That’s what poor emotional regulation looks like. That means that your executive functions need some TLC. Lucky for us, emotional regulation is a skill that can be improved upon with some research-based techniques.

Self care 

Basic functions—because of lack of sleep, increased stress and loneliness—can be impaired as a result of the pandemic. To have a healthy relationship with your emotions, the key is to keep your executive function system healthy and that starts with self-care.

Buzzell emphasizes the impact of sleep and stress on your executive functions. It has been shown that a lack of sleep can impair self-regulation, meaning you may have less control over your responses to your emotions, which is why you’re snappy when you’re tired. Sometimes, your negative emotions can keep you from falling asleep, creating a vicious cycle further promoting the problem. This can also happen with stress, meaning having a healthy stress reduction system can also help your executive functions.

So what’s the solution? Find activities you enjoy and incorporate them into your daily routine, like journaling and exercise. If you struggle with stress or sleep, the Healthy Living Program (HLP) offers sleep and stress management consultations.

Maintain healthy relationships 

We can also use healthy relationships to regulate emotions by having a trusted friend or loved one to confide in, which is why you usually feel better after venting to a friend. Socializing can help to calm your mind and can even help regulate your body’s physical response to emotions. Although we can’t see people face-to-face as often right now, you don’t want to cut yourself off from people you were previously close to.

Buzzell recommends trying to maintain previous social connections as much as possible in safe ways like phone calls, Zoom calls, or outdoor socially distant hangouts because they’re good for your mental health.

Stop suppressing and start reappraising 

Two of the most studied emotional regulation techniques are called reappraisal and suppression. Suppression is when you try to stop yourself from feeling emotions. When we do this, we often find that negative emotions return stronger than before.

Buzzell recommends practicing reappraisal instead. Reappraisal is changing the way you think about a negative emotion before having a response.

For example, if you made a mistake and feel disappointed, you can tell yourself that it was a learning experience and then you are more likely to have a positive response instead of a negative one. This promotes a growth mindset, which studies show promotes healthier relationships with emotions. The good news is that people can actually change how they regulate their emotions to be more in line with reappraisal.

Practice mindfulness 

One way to practice nonjudgmental awareness is to meditate, and it’s a lot easier than you might think. Simply taking five to ten minutes a day to notice what your body and mind feel like can help you gain an understanding of your emotional habits. This can act as a practice for when you experience emotions in your regular life. When meditating, play close attention to any emotions that may arise and how your instinct tells you to respond. You can ask yourself:

  • What kind of emotions arise, and how often do they come?
  • How does your body feel when they arise?
  • How does your mind respond?
  • Are there any judgments when emotions arise?
  • Is that response helpful? Is there a better way to respond?

Prevent emotional outbursts If you’ve ever blown something small out of proportion, you probably felt pretty bad afterward. The good news is that Buzzell believes that the best way to manage explosive emotional experiences is through a regular practice of prevention.

He recommends practicing reappraisal daily with small instances. This makes it less likely that you’ll yell at someone the next time Zoom kicks you out of class.   

“The problem is if it’s a really intense situation, that’s not the time to try to do some mindfulness or reappraisal strategies for the first time,” Buzzell says.

Having a healthy relationship with your emotions is more likely to make challenging times easier by preventing tense emotional interactions.

If you have been struggling with controlling your emotions, know that it’s normal for you to not feel like yourself during unusual times. While we’re waiting for the world to go back to normal, don’t forget to take care of your emotional wellness. Practicing these techniques can help you get a grasp on your emotions, and help you relax, feel good and be well.



How to Control Your Emotions: 11 Strategies to Try

The ability to experience and express emotions is more important than you might realize.

As the felt response to a given situation, emotions play a key part in your reactions. When you’re in tune with them, you have access to important knowledge that helps with:

  • decision-making
  • relationship success
  • day-to-day interactions
  • self-care

While emotions can have a helpful role in your daily life, they can take a toll on your emotional health and interpersonal relationships when they start to feel out of control.

Vicki Botnick, a therapist in Tarzana, California, explains that any emotion — even elation, joy, or others you’d typically view as positive — can intensify to a point where it becomes difficult to control.

With a little practice, though, you can take back the reigns. Two studies from 2010 suggest that having good emotional regulation skills is linked to well-being. Plus, the second one found a potential link between these skills and financial success, so putting in some work on that front may literally pay off.

Here are some pointers to get you started.

Intense emotions aren’t all bad.

“Emotions make our lives exciting, unique, and vibrant,” Botnick says. “Strong feelings can signify that we embrace life fully, that we’re not repressing our natural reactions.”

It’s perfectly normal to experience some emotional overwhelm on occasion— when something wonderful happens, when something terrible happens, when you feel like you’ve missed out.

So, how do you know when there’s a problem?

Emotions that regularly get out of hand might lead to:

  • relationship or friendship conflict
  • difficulty relating to others
  • trouble at work or school
  • an urge to use substances to help manage your emotions
  • physical or emotional outbursts

Find some time to take stock of just how your uncontrolled emotions are affecting your day-to-day life. This will make it easier to identify problem areas (and track your success).

You can’t control your emotions with a dial (if only it were that easy!). But imagine, for a moment, that you could manage emotions this way.

You wouldn’t want to leave them running at maximum all the time. You also wouldn’t want to switch them off entirely, either.

When you suppress or repress emotions, you’re preventing yourself from experiencing and expressing feelings. This can happen consciously (suppression) or unconsciously (repression).

Either can contribute to mental and physical health symptoms, including:

  • anxiety
  • depression
  • sleep issues
  • muscle tension and pain
  • difficulty managing stress
  • substance misuse

When learning to exercise control over emotions, make sure you aren’t just sweeping them under the rug. Healthy emotional expression involves finding some balance between overwhelming emotions and no emotions at all.

Taking a moment to check in with yourself about your mood can help you begin gaining back control.

Say you’ve been seeing someone for a few months. You tried planning a date last week, but they said they didn’t have time. Yesterday, you texted again, saying, “I’d like to see you soon. Can you meet this week?”

They finally reply, more than a day later: “Can’t. Busy.”

You’re suddenly extremely upset. Without stopping to think, you hurl your phone across the room, knock over your wastebasket, and kick your desk, stubbing your toe.

Interrupt yourself by asking:

  • What am I feeling right now? (disappointed, confused, furious)
  • What happened to make me feel this way? (They brushed me off with no explanation.)
  • Does the situation have a different explanation that might make sense? (Maybe they’re stressed, sick, or dealing with something else they don’t feel comfortable explaining. They might plan to explain more when they can.)
  • What do I want to do about these feelings? (Scream, vent my frustration by throwing things, text back something rude.)
  • Is there a better way of coping with them? (Ask if everything’s OK. Ask when they’re free next. Go for a walk or run.)

By considering possible alternatives, you’re reframing your thoughts, which can help you modify your first extreme reaction.

It can take some time before this response becomes a habit. With practice, going through these steps in your head will become easier (and more effective).

If you’re trying to get better at managing emotions, you might try downplaying your feelings to yourself.

When you hyperventilate after receiving good news or collapse on the floor screaming and sobbing when you can’t find your keys, it might seem helpful to tell yourself, “Just calm down,” or “It’s not that big of a deal, so don’t freak out.”

But this invalidates your experience. It is a big deal to you.

Accepting emotions as they come helps you get more comfortable with them. Increasing your comfort around intense emotions allows you to fully feel them without reacting in extreme, unhelpful ways.

To practice accepting emotions, try thinking of them as messengers. They’re not “good” or “bad.” They’re neutral. Maybe they bring up unpleasant feelings sometimes, but they’re still giving you important information that you can use.

For example, try:

  • “I’m upset because I keep losing my keys, which makes me late. I should put a dish on the shelf by the door so I remember to leave them in the same place.”

Accepting emotions may lead to greater life satisfaction and fewer mental health symptoms. What’s more, people thinking of their emotions as helpful may lead to higher levels of happiness.

Writing down (or typing up) your feelings and the responses they trigger can help you uncover any disruptive patterns.

Sometimes, it’s enough to mentally trace emotions back through your thoughts. Putting feelings onto paper can allow you to reflect on them more deeply.

It also helps you recognize when specific circumstances, like trouble at work or family conflict, contribute to harder-to-control emotions. Identifying specific triggers makes it possible to come up with ways to manage them more productively.

Journaling provides the most benefit when you do it daily. Keep your journal with you and jot down intense emotions or feelings as they happen. Try to note the triggers and your reaction. If your reaction didn’t help, use your journal to explore more helpful possibilities for the future.

There’s much to be said for the power of a deep breath, whether you’re ridiculously happy or so angry you can’t speak.

Slowing down and paying attention to your breath won’t make the emotions go away (and remember, that’s not the goal).

Still, deep breathing exercises can help you ground yourself and take a step back from the first intense flash of emotion and any extreme reaction you want to avoid.

The next time you feel emotions starting to take control:

  • Breathe in slowly. Deep breaths come from the diaphragm, not the chest. It may help to visualize your breath rising from deep in your belly.
  • Hold it. Hold your breath for a count of three, then let it out slowly.
  • Consider a mantra. Some people find it helpful to repeat a mantra, like “I am calm” or “I am relaxed.”

There’s a time and place for everything, including intense emotions. Sobbing uncontrollably is a pretty common response to losing a loved one, for example. Screaming into your pillow, even punching it, might help you relieve some anger and tension after being dumped.

Other situations, however, call for some restraint. No matter how frustrated you are, screaming at your boss over an unfair disciplinary action won’t help.

Being mindful of your surroundings and the situation can help you learn when it’s OK to let feelings out and when you might want to sit with them for the moment.

Getting some distance from intense feelings can help you make sure you’re reacting to them in reasonable ways, according to Botnick.

This distance might be physical, like leaving an upsetting situation, for example. But you can also create some mental distance by distracting yourself.

While you don’t want to block or avoid feelings entirely, it’s not harmful to distract yourself until you’re in a better place to deal with them. Just make sure you do come back to them. Healthy distractions are only temporary.


  • taking a walk
  • watching a funny video
  • talking to a loved one
  • spending a few minutes with your pet

If you practice meditation already, it might be one of your go-to methods for coping with extreme feelings.

Meditation can help you increase your awareness of all feelings and experiences. When you meditate, you’re teaching yourself to sit with those feelings, to notice them without judging yourself or attempting to change them or make them go away.

As mentioned above, learning to accept all of your emotions can make emotional regulation easier. Meditation helps you increase those acceptance skills. It also offers other benefits, like helping you relax and get better sleep.

Our guide to different kinds of meditation can help you get started.

When you’re under a lot of stress, managing your emotions can become more difficult. Even people who generally can control their emotions well might find it harder in times of high tension and stress.

Reducing stress, or finding more helpful ways to manage it, can help your emotions become more manageable.

Mindfulness practices like meditation can help with stress, too. They won’t get rid of it, but they can make it easier to live with.

Other healthy ways to cope with stress include:

  • getting enough sleep
  • making time to talk (and laugh) with friends
  • exercise
  • spending time in nature
  • making time for relaxation and hobbies

If your emotions continue to feel overwhelming, it may be time to seek professional support.

Long-term or persistent emotional dysregulation and mood swings are linked to certain mental health conditions, including borderline personality disorder and bipolar disorder. Trouble controlling emotions can also relate to trauma, family issues, or other underlying concerns, Botnick explains.

A therapist can offer compassionate, judgment-free support as you:

  • explore factors contributing to dysregulated emotions
  • address severe mood swings
  • learn how down-regulate intense feelings or up-regulate limited emotional expression
  • practice challenging and reframing feelings that cause distress

Mood swings and intense emotions can provoke negative or unwanted thoughts that eventually trigger feelings of hopelessness or despair.

This cycle can eventually lead to unhelpful coping methods like self-harm or even thoughts of suicide. If you begin thinking about suicide or have urges to self-harm, talk to a trusted loved one who can help you get support right away.

If you need help now

If you’re considering suicide or have thoughts of harming yourself, you can call the Substance Abuse and Mental Health Services Administration at 800-662-HELP (4357).

The 24/7 hotline will connect you with mental health resources in your area. Trained specialists can also help you find your state’s resources for treatment if you don’t have health insurance.

Crystal Raypole has previously worked as a writer and editor for GoodTherapy. Her fields of interest include Asian languages and literature, Japanese translation, cooking, natural sciences, sex positivity, and mental health. In particular, she’s committed to helping decrease stigma around mental health issues.

How to take control of emotions

1. "Risk-control" over emotions, giving the brain stability

Try to reduce the number of negative stimuli

We cannot stop the generation of emotions in the brain of our own free will. Unpleasant things seem to us unpleasant, tiresome - tiresome. An effective way to control emotions is to try to control not them, but the stimuli that give rise to them.

This technique can be divided into two approaches:

  • Quantitatively control the stimuli that generate emotions.
  • Change the interpretation of information (memories) “loaded” into the brain.

First, let's talk about the first option.

The problem of controlling the stimuli that evoke our emotions has two aspects. Firstly, it is a balance between pleasant and unpleasant impulses, and secondly, between weak and strong ones.

Quantitative incentive control suggests two things. The first is to achieve a balance between pleasant and unpleasant, the second is to regulate the strength of the impact.

If something very unpleasant or annoying lasts too long, it should be reduced. But we do not always have the physical ability to do this: sometimes we have to do some important, though not joyful work, sometimes we have to communicate with people we don’t like at all.

In such cases, it is important to reduce the number of negative incentives “to some extent”.

When you have a lot of things to do that you are reluctant to do and don't like, you need to include something else in your schedule that brings you pleasure.

When you work or study a lot and it's hard for you, plan something very pleasant for the end of the day.

Uninspiring stimuli will not go away from this, but in the long run there will be a balance between pleasant and unpleasant, and the brain will not suffer from an excess of negative emotions. And this will have a good effect on motivation and activity.

"Very unpleasant" plus "very pleasant" does not equal balance

Remember that the balance of strong and weak stimuli is very important for controlling emotions.

Mathematically, if something very unpleasant is followed by something very pleasant, the result is zero, that is, a balance. But in the case of the brain, this logic does not work.

If something especially unpleasant constantly alternates with something very pleasant (or vice versa), this can lead to a noticeable emotional buildup and loss of balance. As a result, it will become more difficult for you to reason in cold blood, you will be “carried away” to extremes.

To avoid this, after a lesson that evokes strong emotions, one should start a quiet work or study, almost without affecting any feelings.

This kind of emotional "risk-control" is a useful skill for modern people living in an era when there are a lot of emotional stimuli. You can even train yourself to do this all the time to stabilize your brain.

Emotion control as a balanced 6 to 3 to 1 ratio

Emotional stimuli are best distributed in a 6 to 3 to 1 ratio.

I propose to build your plans so that 6 of them are “pleasant, preferred” (here include what you don’t want to do, but is useful for your future, and what you are neutral about), 3 - “a little unpleasant, a little troublesome" and 1 - "something very unpleasant and very troublesome."

You might think that the ideal for emotional “risk control” is to reduce the number of unpleasant things even more, and bring the pleasant as close as possible to 10, but from the point of view of brain function, this is a bad idea.

The brain seeks to minimize labor costs

I think you have heard about this phenomenon: among working ants there is always some part that does nothing. If you remove them and leave only those who do not shirk, then after some time some of them will also stop working. The brain has a similar property. He always seeks to reduce energy costs.

Imagine that you are doing a job that you find terribly difficult. Everything else looks “desirable and preferable” by comparison, and you think everything would be perfect if you could get paid doing just that. But what happens if you get the chance to really do only what seemed "desirable and preferable"? Surely some part of the work that used to be so attractive will become unpleasant and troublesome. In the end, you again decide that you need to get rid of it and then everything will be fine.

The same thing happens with people. Usually everyone has a person with whom it is not very pleasant to communicate. It seems to us that all our acquaintances, except for him, suit us. We want to stop communicating with him, but what happens when this desire is fulfilled? Most likely, you will enjoy an exceptionally pleasant environment for a very short time. Among the people you seem to like, there will be a few people who will start to like you less. And among them, in turn, someone will suddenly become extremely unpleasant for you.

Our positive assessments are mostly not absolute, but relative. Therefore, when something “unpleasant and undesirable” disappears, a new “unpleasant and undesirable” appears.

There will always be something we don't like or don't want to do

I have often mentioned in my writings that the brain is inherently lazy and tends to idleness. It not only gets rid of neural networks that have not been used for a long time, but also seeks to reduce the number of active, functioning networks. This can be called labor cost reduction.

Because of this feature of the brain, you are unlikely to be able to completely get rid of the "unpleasant and troublesome", even if you try to leave only "pleasant and desirable" in your life. The brain will still find something inconvenient.

Most likely, if a person finds himself in such an environment where he can absolutely freely choose his job and social circle, he, following this property of the brain, will gradually reduce the number of his activities and eventually come to the conclusion that the most pleasant thing is to sit alone and do nothing.

Try to accept this fact: there will always be something a little unpleasant in your life that will not suit you completely. It `s naturally.

But sometimes it is useful to do very unpleasant things. Having these tasks helps us feel how pleasurable other things are.

The predominance of unpleasant stimuli is also unsafe for the brain. Therefore, it is important to monitor the ratio of negative and positive, the balance of strong and weak emotions.

Ideally, you will be able to arrange your daily schedule so that the “pleasant and preferred” activities slightly outweigh the “somewhat unpleasant” and “very unpleasant” activities in total.

Here I ask you to remember the following ideas:

  • "Unpleasant and troublesome" will not completely disappear from your life.
  • Control your emotions with a 6 to 3 to 1 ratio.

2. How to alleviate discomfort by changing the interpretation

Emotions are contained in the interpretation of events in our memory

Now let's look at how you can "change the interpretation" of the information contained in the brain (ie memory).

Emotions are not directly tied to the words we read or hear or what we experience. They come from the memories of all this and from our interpretations of the memories. Therefore, it is possible to make both a positive and a negative stimulus from the same event, interpreting it differently.

For example, remember how your boss reprimanded you. At first, you will feel discomfort and possibly irritation, but if you convince yourself that the remark will do you good, this feeling will subside. If you interpret his complaint as a desire to help you, then it is likely that the words that first hurt you will turn into positive memories.

Making this logical reinterpretation as needed is one important way to control your emotions.

I will tell you how to achieve this by simple methods.

Think with someone else's head

One easy way to reinterpret the information contained in the brain is to "think with someone else's head." Let's look at this using the example of a situation where you are seriously criticized.

A person has an instinct for self-preservation, therefore, when they say something bad to us or do something unprofitable for us, at first we experience discomfort.

If at such moments even the cognitive system is fully adjusted to self-defense with the thought “Why should I put up with this? I won’t allow it!”, then the feeling of discomfort grows and in the end we are ready to attack the offender. In this we are no different from animals.

Man is a social being. Society consists of people who think differently than you, have different values, desires and feelings. Understanding and, to some extent, accepting this fact is an important condition for being a part of society, and it also underlies the ability to manage one's emotions.

This is understandable, but think about it: the one who criticized you, like you, has some aspirations of his own, he also has a person whom he wants to protect, as well as self-preservation instinct, periodic mood swings, and so on. The first thing to do is to try to understand this.

Try to put yourself in his place and imagine how hard it is for him, what he may be dissatisfied with, how you look in his eyes. Often such a restructuring helps to realize that, for example, a person criticizes you because subordinates put pressure on him. Or he is constantly robbed of time with his family, which he greatly appreciates, and because of this he is angry at everything.

If you practice “thinking with someone else's head” like this for a while, you will probably gradually lose your initial dissatisfaction after something bad is said or done to you.

And if you can also tune in to find a mutually beneficial solution to the problem, think about what you can do for this person, then you will learn to be even more calm about comments.

Thinking about the emotional balance of society

Sometimes, even "thinking with someone else's head", you feel that you have been treated unfairly. In such cases, it is useful to "think with public brains."

For example, as a manager, I am sometimes criticized at fund meetings. And sometimes the comments can not be called fair. Then I think like this: “He brought down his anger on me, but due to this, I hope his emotions became more positive than they were.”

This is how I try to balance the emotional balance of the whole organization.

Being a part of society, a person has to not only receive benefits, but also suffer losses. The latter makes us uncomfortable, but the ability to "think with public brains" will help you control your emotions.


Expand the time frame and pay attention to what you have acquired during this period

Another easy way to change the interpretation of the information that is in the brain is to expand the time frame.

As an example, try to remember one of your major failures. Memory works according to this principle: the newer the information in it, the easier it is to remember it. Accordingly, the emotions associated with new impressions are stronger than those associated with old ones.

Therefore, the emotions caused by a recent loss are felt more strongly than the emotions caused by a long-standing gain.

To overcome this with rational thinking and avoid excessive negativity, try to train yourself to count gains and losses over a longer period of time.

For example, you made a serious mistake and lost your job. It must be a huge loss for you right now. But try to look at the whole situation over a longer time period. Surely, before this unfortunate moment, you managed to acquire a lot: knowledge gained at work, experience, money, personal connections. After all, you haven't lost it.

What will be left with you? Try to gradually remember more and more of these things. It is even better not to think it over in your mind, but write it down on paper.

The most valuable resources in life are knowledge, experience and personal connections, and they are not usually lost so easily.

Use what you have left to your advantage and try to look at the situation from a different point of view.

I also suffered several major failures in my life, but in such sad moments I tried to pay attention to what I had gained, what I had left. In the end, I gradually returned to a positive mood, arguing that I had come to the capital from a village in Aichi Prefecture empty-handed, which means that if I return there with even one bag, I will already be in the black.

In itself, a bad experience will also eventually become a useful acquisition for you.

Always being in the role of a winner is bad

Society seems to me to be one big stage, where some people have the main roles, others have secondary roles. There are winners and there are losers. There are those who are applauded violently, and there are those who are scolded.

Society is a collection of various roles, and perhaps not the best option is to act all the time in the role of the winner, the main character and the one who is applauded. After all, by doing so, you force someone to constantly find themselves in a secondary role, in the form of a loser, someone who is condemned.

In addition, if you are constantly in the black and almost always benefit, then, firstly, you do not understand well that everything is relative in society, and secondly, it is difficult for you to take the place of another. Perhaps all this will eventually lead to even greater problems.

When you have experienced a major setback, consider that this is your role at the moment.

You are not your whole personality now, and your successes and failures are far from all that you have.

Takashi Tsukiyama is a Japanese scientist, practicing neuroscientist and brain specialist. In his non-fiction books, he shares techniques that help improve memory, efficiency, and creativity. By learning about the capabilities of your brain, a person can achieve results that previously seemed unattainable.

In the book “It's just some kind of stupor! How to get rid of the fog in your head, gain clarity of thought and start acting ”Tsukiyama tells how to deal with negative emotions that interfere with work, where great ideas come from and how to stay motivated.

Buy the book

Read also 🧐

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  • What emotions are made of

How to control and manage your emotions

How to control your emotions and make the right decisions? The ability to manage emotions helps to achieve significant success in life, because self-control allows you to find the best solution in situations where logic and sober thinking are needed.

People react differently to situations. Someone controls himself and remains calm, like a Tibetan monk. And someone tears their hair out and goes crazy with rage. The secret lies in self-control. Let's analyze the problem in more detail.


  • Why do you need to control your emotions at all
  • What is the difference between controlling emotions and suppressing emotions
  • What emotions need to be controlled
    • Ego
    • Weaknesses
    • Thirst for strong feelings
  • Theory of control of emotions
    • Stop deifying emotions
    • Aware of your emotions
    • Aware of how adequate your feelings are and is there meaning
    • do not overestimate the negative effect of emotions
  • will go over again: Examples:
    • If you have an important conversation with your boss
    • Did the person you fell in love reciprocate?
    • Going on a date?
  • Practice of upbringing emotions
    • Develop willpower
    • do the opposite of what the emotion
    • provokes you, take reality what it is
    • What to do when emotions
    • Why do you need to control your emotions at all

      There are many reasons why a person should be the master of his feelings, actions and even facial expressions.

      • Feelings can give out at the wrong moment.
      • This may not be appropriate.
      • Unpleasant for others.
      • This may offend loved ones.
      • Causes indecision, makes blush, embarrassed. It hinders the person.

      But, most importantly, people should be different from animals that express their feelings openly. People consider themselves beings of a different rank. Need to match. A reasonable person decides for himself when to show feelings, and when it is better to keep them in himself. After all, the fate of important relationships may depend on such a situation: personal or professional.

      Another side of the issue: emotions harm the person himself. When they go off scale, it begins to affect the body: pressure rises, anxiety and suspiciousness appear. Such disorders harm health and reduce the quality of life in general.

      What is the difference between managing emotions and suppressing emotions

      It is important to learn to restrain feelings, but it is even more important to calm the inner pendulum. When it is loosened, the person is thrown from side to side. At first he is very angry, then comes apathy, weakness. They are replaced by a new wave of feelings. And the stronger these feelings, the stronger the pendulum will then swing in the opposite direction. That is why, if a person laughs for a long time, then inexplicable sadness, tearfulness sets in.

      Dealing with the problem of controlling emotions, it is important not only to learn how to restrain them. Suppression will not solve the problem. It is necessary to calm the oscillations of the pendulum.

      What kind of emotions need to be controlled

      Any emotion can become pathological in terms of its effect on the body. There are cases when positive feelings have negative consequences. Example: elderly woman, widow. She went through war and famine in her youth. Then she worked on the virgin soil for a long time. Buried her husband. And she endured it all like a fighter. She did not complain about her health. And one day she found out that her lottery ticket had won a large sum of money. Feelings overwhelmed, causing a heart attack. The woman was saved, but the doctor prescribed her complete rest. You can't be nervous. And being nervous means swinging the pendulum. And it doesn't matter which way.

      The predominant emotion needs to be controlled. Its orientation depends on the innate temperament of a person. Fear, anger, envy, jealousy, uncertainty can interfere with normal life. Everyone has their own. But more often than others, people complain to psychologists about aggression and fears.


      The manifestation of emotions is directly related to a person's self-esteem. People with a lot of conceit react sharply if someone tries to besiege them. And those who do not value themselves at all become targets for ridicule and abuse. They are afraid of aggressors from the outside world. But even people with normal, healthy egos cannot expect complete peace of mind. If the inner world of a person is debugged, there are always external factors that affect the nervous system and can lead to the fact that the pendulum will make the sun like a children's swing.


      Every person has a certain amount of masochism. People get pleasure from emotions. In psychology, a syndrome called the “Pierrot complex” is widely known. Eternally sad and worried people, in fact, enjoy their suffering. It is connected on a subconscious level. As children, they were stroked on the head, pitied when they were sad. And now each of us, demonstrating this or that emotion, subconsciously waits for sympathy or another reaction from others. Having played too much, you can bring your nervous system into a deplorable state.

      The weaknesses of human nature can be based on aggression. Perhaps the person feels like a leader by exhibiting this behavior. He indulges his ego to the detriment of relationships with others and his own nerves. This is incorrect in any case.

      Thirst for strong experiences

      A line from the song of the legendary Viktor Tsoi: “Our hearts demand changes” very accurately describes the state of many people. Everyone needs strong emotions from time to time. They inspire and revitalize. Emotions are essentially chemical reactions. They cause the release of pleasure hormones into the blood. For example, this happens when falling in love or when one person dominates another.

      Many get a real adrenaline addiction. This turns into a pathology: people steal not even for profit, but simply to experience emotions. And this is a pathology. The pendulum of emotions must be brought to a state close to peace.

      Theory of control of emotions

      Man is a self-determined being. You can’t blame your emotional outbursts on external circumstances. You need to understand how to control your emotions and manage them. The theory of emotion control is based on simple rules. This is awareness, evaluation, harmony with oneself, self-control. Let's take a closer look.

      Stop deifying emotions

      An effective way to learn to control yourself. Sensation addicts crave the release of pleasurable substances into the bloodstream. It is necessary to understand that emotions and feelings are just reactions, hormones. They are given to a person to direct his actions in the right direction. Aggression is given to us by nature to protect ourselves and loved ones from danger. Fear to be saved in time.

      Do not attach much importance to emotions. This is only a set of hormones that are needed, but in a minimal amount.

      Be aware of your emotions

      The nature of the origin of emotions goes back to our distant ancestors. Humans have developed certain instincts. By nature, each of us is endowed with an innate temperament, which is responsible for the prevailing emotion. Be aware of this whole process. Understand that your feelings play a certain role in life. In order to control yourself, you first need to understand yourself. What situations make you feel strong? Why is this happening? Look deeper into yourself, remember what childhood traumas could cause pathological emotions in adulthood? Analyze.

      Recognize how appropriate your feelings are and whether they make sense

      To make a verdict on whether a feeling is useful, answer a few questions.

      • What situations evoke strong emotions in you?
      • Are you comfortable at this moment, are you sure of yourself?
      • Do you enjoy these moments?
      • Do emotions help solve problems, get out of a situation?
      • Do most people feel the same way in similar situations?

      Answers will help clarify whether your outbursts are contrived. Perhaps you were just looking for an excuse to express your feelings. Perhaps they are useless, not of any use.

      Do not overestimate the negative effect of emotions

      Understanding how to control your emotions, do not cross the other line. Yes, excessive emotionality is harmful to the body, it causes some problems in social life. If you begin to worry about what you often experience, the circle will close. The extra link, of course, will be feelings. Relax.

      By reading this article, you will receive the most complete instruction on how to gain control over yourself. You are reading this, which means that you have already realized the existence of the problem, and are working on its solution. There is nothing wrong with this situation.

      Let's go through the main points again: examples

      Let's summarize the above.

      1. An excess of certain emotions is harmful to the nervous system, psyche, and health in general.
      2. Man becomes a slave to his senses. It harms relationships with others, work, reduces the quality of life. Therefore, the emotional pendulum must be calmed.
      3. Feelings are deep instincts, human reaction. They depend on temperament, and it cannot be corrected. But excessive emotionality can be controlled.
      4. To do this, you need to become aware of your emotions, to figure out whether they are beneficial.
      5. After deciding that heightened emotionality does more harm than good, skills to control emotions should be mastered.

      Let's look at examples of different situations.

      If you have an important conversation with your boss

      How not to succumb to emotions when in front of you is a serious and not too kind person, on whom it depends whether you will have a job or not? Leaders have power. They cause awe in all subordinates. This is fine. In addition, influential positions are a huge responsibility and power. The people who occupy them are often harsh.

      But do not forget that in our time there is a lot of work. You can find a better place. And your boss is exactly the same person as you. Imagine how he went to kindergarten, how he ran after girls (or from boys) at school. This is just a person who also works. You should not feel fear, be simpler, more humane. You don't have to pretend to be someone else. What for? Be yourself.

      Tip: Try imagining your boss in a pink robe and slippers. In something funny, ridiculous. It will be easier for you to talk to him, the tension will be released.

      Did the person you fell in love reciprocate?

      How to manage your emotions in this case? The situation is embarrassing. And banal. Everyone goes through this. Most people go through unrequited love 5 times. And not only in their youth. The main thing is the realization that no feelings can last forever. The feeling of falling in love will fade away in 1-2 months. And even earlier. There are two ways out: remove all reminders of this person and forget or start actively dating in order to choose a new object.

      But in any case, such a situation is not a reason for deep depression. Ask yourself: do all people react this way emotionally to situations like this? Maybe your feelings are out of control, you should calm down and reevaluate everything?

      Are you going on a date?

      How to learn to control your emotions before a date? Imagine that this meeting will be the first and last in your life. Do not pursue lofty goals to fall in love with a person. Just have fun and try to please your partner. A date is not an exam. Why be nervous?

      Emotion Education Practice

      There are several additional ways to develop the ability to control feelings and emotions. By working on them, you will become calm as a rock.

      Develop willpower

      How to control emotions is often discussed in willpower training. Feelings are the result of instinctiveness. And willpower is, on the contrary, a manifestation of awareness. Do something you don't like every day. You will become stronger. Learning to act contrary to your feelings is a useful practice.

      Do the opposite of what your emotion provokes you to do

      To learn how to learn to control your emotions, remind yourself that there are only two ways. Either you control them or they control you. When anger overwhelms you, show compassion, sympathy. Have pity on the person, help him instead of yelling. If you're worried or scared, take the action that caused the fear.

      Accept reality as it is

      It is useless to swear at life's circumstances. Learn the art of humility. It is most widely discussed in the Bible. Humility is the key to peace. And this is our goal.


      Another way to control your emotions and anger. Meditation promotes mental balance. A person engaged in meditation turns off thoughts, feelings. Resets to zero. This is a beneficial practice for the health of the body and mind.

      What to do when emotions overcome

      How to learn to control emotions when the tension goes off scale? Outbursts of anger are recommended to be stopped by counting, focusing on breathing. If you're scared, try breathing through your open mouth often. Any splashes can be removed by changing the facial expression. Start smiling. For a few seconds, just watch your breath. Imagine what another person would do in your place: your favorite movie character, father or mentor.

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