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Expressing emotions in a healthy way


How to Express Your Feelings: 30+ Emotional Expression Tips

Aristotle spoke of the pleasures inherent in the cathartic release of tension.

Catharsis has since been used within the mental health field as a way of describing the practice of emotional expression, which is essential for communicating our needs, desires, and emotions (Brackett & Simmons, 2015).

Plus, being able to express one’s emotions is associated with various positive outcomes, such as increased adjustment to stressors (Moreno, Wiley, & Stanton, 2017), greater life satisfaction (Stanton, Kirk, Cameron, & Danoff-Burg, 2000), and increased psychological resilience (Eldeleklioglu & Yildiz, 2020).

This article will delve into the topic of healthy emotional expression, including tips on how to express your emotions, the downside of keeping things in, expression through art and writing, and much more.

With this plethora of resources, readers will be better able to reap the rewards of healthy emotional expression.

In times of joy, all of us wished we possessed a tail we could wag.

W. H. Auden

Before you continue, we thought you might like to download our three Emotional Intelligence Exercises for free. These science-based exercises will enhance your ability to understand and work with your emotions and will also give you the tools to foster the emotional intelligence of your clients, students, or employees.

This Article Contains:

  • Expressing Your Emotions in a Healthy Way: 16 Tips
  • What Happens When You Don’t Express Your Emotions?
  • Expressing Emotions Through Art and Writing
  • 8 Techniques for Expressing Emotions in Relationships
  • PositivePsychology.com’s Helpful Resources
  • A Take-Home Message
  • References

Expressing Your Emotions in a Healthy Way: 16 Tips

While you may understand logically that healthy emotional expression is important, just exactly how to go about it isn’t always straightforward. Fortunately, there are many ways to facilitate healthy emotional expression; here are 18 tips:

1. Use positive self-talk.

We all have an inner dialogue running through our heads, which is sometimes negative and counterproductive. If you have a negative inner dialogue, this is bound to make healthy self-expression difficult (Beck et al., 1979; Ingram & Wisnicki, 1988; Hiçdurmaz et al., 2017). Consider whether the messages in your head are damaging, and if so, work on ways to replace them with positive ones.

2. Be a good listener.

It might be helpful to remember that…

“…we have two ears and one mouth so that we can listen twice as much as we speak.”

Epictetus

It is hurtful to feel unheard (Nichols, 2009), so listen to your family, friends, and coworkers and you will be in a far better position to respond with expressions of empathy and understanding.

3. Try spirituality.

Mother Teresa said:

Joy is prayer; joy is strength; joy is love; joy is a net of love by which you can catch souls.

Mother Teresa

Many others have also found strength in the self-transcendent emotions related to spirituality (Stellar et al., 2017; Haidt, 2003), and if you need an extra nudge in terms of expressing your emotions, it might help you too.

4. Teach emotion words to young children.

Children often lack the language ability to express how they feel. By using tools such as faces conveying different emotions, children will be helped to understand the words for different emotions (Grosse et al., 2021; Streubel et al., 2020).

5. Practice empathy.

Whether among family (Geiger et al., 2016), friends (Goleman, 2006), or coworkers (McKee et al., 2017), practicing empathy creates bonds that enable us to be emotionally in sync with others.

6. Model emotional expression.

Children who see adults healthily express a range of emotions are more likely to follow suit (Corso, 2007). If you are someone who spends time with young people, show them what healthy emotional expression looks like.

7. Forgive.

Elbert Hubbard said:

The ineffable joy of forgiving and being forgiven forms an ecstasy that might well arouse the envy of the gods.

Elbert Hubbard

Whether you have not forgiven yourself or someone else, holding a grudge is the antithesis of expression. If you free yourself from resentment, you will open your heart and mind to positive expression Enright & Fitzgibbons, 2014; Toussaint & Webb, 2005; Karremans et al. 2003).

8. Practice acceptance.

Happiness can exist only in acceptance.

George Orwell

Try to accept those aspects of your life that are out of your control. Doing so will make you feel better while freeing up your mind to become more emotionally expressive (Chapman et al., 2011; Linehan, 2014). For more on that, read our article on Radical Acceptance.

9. Play games with kids that promote emotional expression.

Games are a fun and valuable approach for teaching children how to express themselves. For example, the Emotion Locomotion program for children ages 6–8 uses a train analogy to teach an array of emotions such as anger, sadness, and happiness (McLachlan et al., 2009).

10. Be grateful.

Happiness is itself a kind of gratitude.

Joseph Wood Krutch

It is pretty hard to be unhappy while feeling thankful. Appreciate what you have and you will be better able to express a sense of joy (Emmons & Crumpler, 2000; Emmons & McCullough, 2003; Emmons & Stern, 2013).

11. Don’t postpone happiness – savor the moment.

Many people will not allow themselves to be happy until they reach some sort of milestone (e.g., weight loss, job promotion, etc.). The moment for joy is NOW, and savoring pleasant experiences – big or small – has been associated with higher levels of subjective wellbeing (Smith & Bryant, 2017). Read more about the pursuit of happiness and the benefits of positive emotions.

12. Try something new.

If you are having trouble expressing your feelings, perhaps you are in a rut. Getting out of your comfort zone often leads to greater emotional expression and wellbeing (Heller et al., 2020).

13. Take a risk.

Emotional expression equals risk; it means you are putting yourself in the position of potential rejection. But meaningful conversations and relationships require such risk. So, take a chance and you will be rewarded (Brown, 2015).

14. Be optimistic.

Optimism is the faith that leads to achievement. Nothing can be done without hope and confidence.

Helen Keller

By focusing on the positive, you will find it easier to express yourself in a range of situations while enjoying the many wonders of life (Seligman, 2006).

15. Do some gardening.

In search of my mother’s garden, I found my own.

Alice Walker

Gardening is like art; there are endless lovely plants and flowers from which to express your creativity. And besides, who knows what you might find within yourself (Lumber et al., 2017)?

16. Practice mindfulness.

Whether in the form of meditation, yoga, or breathing exercises, mindfulness has been found to promote optimism, happiness, positive emotional states, and self-acceptance (Amutio et al., 2015). Each of these outcomes aids in the promotion of emotional expression.

Are there universal expressions of emotion? – Sophie Zadeh


What Happens When You Don’t Express Your Emotions?

Feelings or emotions are the universal language and are to be honored. They are the authentic expression of who you are in your deepest place.

Judith Wright

Keeping things in is indeed a bad idea. While this notion makes intuitive sense, it is also supported by research. Here are 13 notable examples:

  1. Women who suppressed emotions during an experimental study were found to have increased blood pressure (Butler et al., 2003).
  2. In a study of emotion regulation, those who suppressed their feelings experienced less positive and more negative emotions (Gross & John, 2003).
  3. In a study in which participants either expressed or suppressed emotions following a disgusting film, those who suppressed their feelings experienced relatively increased cardiovascular activation (Roberts, Levenson, & Gross, 2008).
  4. In a 12-year prospective study, emotional suppression was related to a significantly greater risk of both cancer and cardiovascular disease mortality (Chapman, Fiscella, Kawachi, Duberstein, & Muennig, 2013).
  5. In a comprehensive meta-analysis by Chervonsky and Hunt (2017), emotion suppression was related to poorer relationship quality, lower social satisfaction, lower social support, more negative first impressions, and lower social wellbeing.
  6. In a preliminary study, adult male participants who suppressed their emotions after watching a distressing film clip experienced greater distress and increased heart rate (Tull, Jakupcak, & Roemer, 2010).
  7. In a study comparing individuals diagnosed with major depression versus healthy controls, suppression of both negative and positive emotions was associated with increased depressive symptoms among depressed individuals (Beblo et al., 2012).
  8. Campbell-Sills, Barlow, Brown, and Hofmann (2006) found that emotion suppression after watching an emotion-provoking film was related to increased negative emotions among individuals suffering from anxiety and mood disorders.
  9. In an experiment in which participants gave a speech in front of a camera, those who suppressed their emotions experienced more anxiety and increased heart rate (Hofmann, Heering, Sawyer, & Asnaani, 2009).
  10. Quartana and Burns (2007) conducted a study in which participants experienced a mental arithmetic task with or without harassment followed by a cold-presser experience (i. e., dipping a person’s hand in very cold water). Those in the suppression group reported greater pain levels.
  11. In their review of the aggression and emotion regulation literature, Roberton, Daffern, and Bucks (2012) reported that under-regulation of emotion was associated with an increased probability of aggression.
  12. In an investigation using a daily diary method to assess positive and negative mood, those who suppressed their emotions experienced higher negative affect and lower positive affect (Brockman, Ciarrochi, Parker, & Kashdan, 2016).
  13. In a study comparing clinically depressed, formerly depressed, and never-depressed participants, all groups were presented with an affective priming task. Among the formerly depressed group, emotion suppression was related to increased depressive symptoms (Joormann & Gotlib, 2010).

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Expressing Emotions Through Art and Writing

Wherever the soul is in need, art presents itself as a resourceful healer.

McNiff, 2004, p. 5

Art therapy is often used by mental health practitioners to deal with a range of issues such as coping with trauma, addiction, learning disabilities, and other medical and psychological problems (Malchiodi, 2012).

The general population may also enjoy many mental health benefits, including emotional expression, from engaging in writing, as well as other artistic endeavors. Five ways of using creativity to express oneself are presented below.

1. Writing

Regardless of your skills, writing is an effective way to express emotions and communicate with others. For example, in a study by Barclay and Skarlicki (2009), participants were placed in one of the following four groups:

  1. Writing about emotions
  2. Writing about thoughts
  3. Writing about emotions and thoughts regarding an injustice
  4. Writing about a trivial topic

Those who wrote about their emotions and thoughts were higher in terms of psychological wellbeing and personal resolution than the other groups (Barclay & Skarlicki, 2009).

Similarly, writing about traumatic events has been associated with greater physical and psychological outcomes among both clinical and non-clinical samples (Baikie & Wilhelm, 2005). Along these lines, creating narratives about emotional situations has been linked with a variety of positive psychological outcomes (Niederhoffer & Pennebaker, 2009).

Whether you prefer journaling, storytelling, or some other type of writing, go for it – it is bound to make you feel better.

2. Drawing

Drawing is another fun and easy way to express emotions and embrace happiness. Not surprisingly, research has found that drawing to either express positive emotions or vent stress is related to enhanced mood (Smolarski, Leone, & Robbins, 2015).

3. Clay

Handling clay is another enjoyable activity that has been associated with enhanced mood (Kimport & Robbins, 2012). Often used as a tool in art therapy, clay handling is associated with many positive therapeutic outcomes such as enhanced emotional expression, verbal communication, and catharsis (Sholt & Gavron, 2006).

4. Collages

You may recall gathering magazines and using glue to put together collages during elementary school. However, this fun activity is not just for kids. Indeed, creating collages is a terrific way for people of all ages to express feelings that are difficult to convey verbally (Buchalter, 2011).

Moreover, this activity has been associated with enhanced problem-solving and decision-making skills, communication, and socialization among seniors (Buchalter, 2011).

5. Mandalas

Mandalas are beautiful geometric shapes that may be drawn or colored to promote a sense of calm. Mandalas were first used as a therapeutic tool by Carl Jung (Henderson, Rosen, & Mascaro, 2007) and have since been used by therapists and laypeople alike.

The benefits of creating mandalas are supported by research. For example, drawing mandalas has been related to decreases in trauma-related symptoms among individuals with post-traumatic stress disorder (Henderson et al. , 2007).

8 Techniques for Expressing Emotions in Relationships

Effective communication is the cornerstone of healthy relationships.

Nonetheless, sometimes individuals need a little help letting their feelings out. Here are eight research-supported ways in which relationships may be improved through the healthy expression of emotions:

1. Mindfulness

Mindfulness involves paying attention to one’s feelings and thoughts in the moment and without judgment (Kabat-Zinn, 2005). Mindfulness meditation has also been used as a way to enhance relationship quality and satisfaction.

For example, Carson, Carson, Gil, and Baucom (2004) conducted a mindfulness meditation retreat with healthy couples. They found that mindfulness was related to a whole host of long-term positive outcomes such as greater closeness, acceptance of each other, optimism, relaxation, relatedness, and relationship happiness.

Given these findings, couples in either healthy or challenging relationships may well benefit from the use of mindfulness techniques as a way to foster emotional connectedness, expression, and overall relationship satisfaction.

2. Expression of negative emotions

All types of relationships inevitably require the expression of negative emotions. When feelings of resentment, frustration, anger, and disappointment are suppressed, they may explode later and cause great damage to relationships.

For example, Graham, Huang, Clark, and Helgeson (2008) looked at the effects of the expression of negative emotions on relationship outcomes among college students. They reported that negative emotional expression was related to greater intimacy, the formation of more relationships, and increased support.

Of course, expressing negative emotions may be hurtful if done thoughtlessly. Therefore, whether relationships are among intimate partners, friendships, or coworkers, take a deep breath before expressing negative feelings and communicate them with tact, empathy, and sensitivity.

3. Use positive psychology activities

O’Connell, O’Shea, and Gallagher (2017) used a longitudinal design to explore the impact of positive psychology activities on relationship satisfaction. More specifically, participants were assigned to a relationship-focused gratitude activity, a relationship-focused kindness activity, a self-focused activity, or a control condition.

Both of the relationship-focused activities were related to significant improvements in relationship satisfaction. By expressing kindness (e.g., giving a compliment, doing a favor, giving a thoughtful gift) or gratitude (e.g., giving praise or thanking someone), the quality of various types of relationships is likely to be improved.

4. Try the Gottman methods

John Gottman and Julie Gottman (2008) have created a range of relationship-enhancing methods that, over three decades of research, have been associated with numerous positive relationship outcomes (Gottman & Gottman, 2008). Here are five of their proven strategies:

  1. Build love maps.
    This involves showing an active interest in a partner’s feelings and needs. The Gottmans suggest using a ‘Love Map Card Deck’ to help express difficult emotions such as confusion and frustration.
  2. Build a culture of appreciation.
    Sometimes individuals feel gratitude for their partner, but forget to say so. This approach involves actively showing appreciation for one’s partner by thanking them, which Gottman describes as “cultivating a positive habit of mind” (Gottman & Gottman, 2008, p. 153).
  3. Turn toward bids.
    The Gottmans describe bids as “verbal or nonverbal requests for connection” (Gottman & Gottman, 2008, p. 153). This basically involves building an emotional bank account by asking one’s partner what they need and responding positively.
  4. Emotion coaching.
    This involves taking a partner’s ‘emotional temperature’ by checking in to see how they are doing.
  5. Building positive affect.
    The Gottmans believe that building positive feelings in relationships promotes intimacy and positive feelings. They suggest prioritizing a number of ‘positive affect systems’ into relationships to promote humor, curiosity, play, comfort, and curiosity.

PositivePsychology.com’s Helpful Resources

At PositivePsychology.com, we offer various useful tools aimed at expressing healthy emotions; here are two examples:

1. Fostering Empathy Reflectively

This tool is designed for social workers but can be a great way to help clients develop the skill of reading each other’s emotional expressions. It involves a few activities and reflection prompts, for example:

  1. Watch an emotional scene in a film or drama between two to four characters.
  2. Now, reflect on how the characters behaved and the feelings they may have experienced.
  3. Write down how you think each character felt.
  4. Write down what you think motivated each character.

This exercise fosters empathy and understanding, which ultimately promote stronger relationships.

2. Emotional Expression Checklist

This tool is designed to promote adaptive emotional expression by helping clients reflect on their context before they express how they feel.

Clients are invited to consider their intended outcomes, the potential impact of expressing themselves on the other person, and how their intentions align with their values.

3. 17 Emotional Intelligence Exercises

If you’re looking for more science-based ways to help others develop emotional intelligence, this collection contains 17 validated EI tools for practitioners. Use them to help others understand and use their emotions to their advantage.

A Take-Home Message

Gandhi believed that

“happiness is when what you think, what you say, and what you do are in harmony.

Gandhi

Gandhi understood the importance of emotional expression. Consistent with his teachings, the ability to express how we feel is associated with numerous physical, emotional, and psychological benefits.

Therefore, if you find yourself feeling pent up, there is good reason to let those feelings out in a healthy way. And in doing so, you are sure to experience enhanced relationships, serenity, and contentment.

We hope you enjoyed reading this article. Don’t forget to download our three Emotional Intelligence Exercises for free.

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Ways To Healthily Express Your Emotions

Ways To Healthily Express Your Emotions

Many people find it difficult to express their emotions. Some people excessively express what they feel, and others don’t share enough. Knowing how to express your emotions in an accurate and measured way will help you immensely in your personal, social, and professional life. There are many theories and techniques that teach how to either repress or control emotions. It has been proven though, that this approach is not actually effective. Emotions and feelings are spontaneous and automatic and are meant to be felt and expressed. It has been proven on a scientific level that avoiding and repressing emotions can have negative psychological consequences. Modern therapies like acceptance and commitment therapy, and other practices such as mindfulness, can help you to accept your emotions and know how to treat them. Your emotions are part of you and need to be taken care of. For example, if you are a person who experiences a lot of emotional anxiety, you may do certain things and behave in a certain way in an attempt to avoid that anxiety. This may be because you aren’t sure how to channel it and express it.     This emotional repression can cause physical problems, such as rapid heartbeat, excessive sweating, trembling, or breathing problems. When feelings are held back, tension is created. This tension may be concentrated physically in areas like the neck, face, various muscles, and spine. If, on the other hand, you cling to these emotions without expressing them, you may be susceptible to experiencing psychosomatic illnesses of the arteries, headaches, or stomach problems. It is an indisputable fact that your emotions influence our physical health. Knowing how to express your emotions can help prevent physical problems and emotional pain.

  1. Identify the emotion and the feeling: When something changes in your body from reacting to something, either external or something within your own thoughts, you should ask yourself: What am I feeling? What physical symptoms am I experiencing? What is the cause? Why is it happening now?
  2. Learn to recognize your feelings: Once you have detected your emotions and feelings, you have to analyze the sensation that it creates within you. It is useful to know what signs and gestures betray you. Try to make a list of all of those emotions and what exactly it is that physically gives them away.
  3. Pay attention to your body’s reaction: Emotions are regulated by the limbic system and the nervous system and are difficult to control when they first arise. Take a moment and let the emotion you are feeling settle so you can think clearly about it, and about how you will react to it.
  4. Pay more attention to how you respond to a given situation: You may feel like the situation is what makes you nervous, but the root of the problem is your emotional response to the situation. Observe yourself and you will realize that your response is the same as when you can’t find an important paper, or when you get fined for a traffic violation you didn’t commit. The only thing you can change is your reaction.
  5. Express your emotions correctly and proportionally: Once you have fully grasped the previous step, you will be able to express your emotions in a more controlled way. Still, though, you can learn a few more steps to help you understand what is happening to you so you can express it accurately.
  6. Communicate with and experience your body: When you have these strong emotions, take note of the part of your body from where they originate. Give them a color and a tangible texture. Place them in a specific place and try to form a different relationship with them. You are that which comprises your body and your emotions; they do not possess you.
  7. Try to be honest about what you feel and what you do: If, in reality, you feel indifferent about someone or something, why keep trying to make it work? Or if you are irritated, annoyed, and angry, why avoid a conversation that might help you understand yourself a little better.
  8. Choose the best situation in which to express yourself: If, for example, you have a conflict with your boss and want to have a constructive conversation with him or her, you will get nowhere if you choose the wrong moment in which to have it. Therefore, examine the situation, the people around you, and yourself when deciding when the best moment will be.
  9. Utilize a positive form of communication: A pleasant tone, active listening, eye contact, and using simple phrases like “I feel stressed” instead of “what happened at work today made me so stressed” will help you avoid a situation in which you need to go back and describe what happened. The other person will implicitly understand that your stress is clearly caused by work.
  10. Use your body to help yourself express what you feel: In the process of explaining that you are stressed, put your hand on your heart, on your head, or on your stomach. This insinuates that you are experiencing unpleasant feelings and that it would be good for you and your environment to not continue on in that state.
  11. Visualizing and localizing your emotions is essential: You are in charge of managing your own emotions and feelings, without repressing them or hiding them.  You need to express them in order to be able to relieve and ease yourself and your mind, and so that they themselves can be understood.

How To Calm Your Emotions On Your Own

Sometimes emotional discomfort has nothing to do with an actual concrete situation. You may be sad because of things you remember, or you feel under the weather, or for any sad thought that may be in your head. In these situations, you can apply what has already been mentioned: accept these feelings as part of yourself. Feel the discomfort and accept that you are a living person should cherish those feelings. Accepting ourselves as emotional beings is the key to be able to know which emotions are those which we should hold on to, and which we should express to others. Emotions are part of the evolution of humans as a species and are also what define and separate humans from the rest of the animals that inhabit the earth. Emotions are natural, so don’t struggle against them over and over again.  Let them be, and in the mean time, try to relax. Find something else to occupy your mind like talking to someone, writing, or going for a walk. If you do experience overwhelmingly powerful emotions like rage, try playing an intense sport. That will allow you to discharge your pent up anger and stress that can build up inside.

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Tagged Emotion controlEmotionsImportance of emotions

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5 Ways to Ecologically Express Your Emotions

Man Among People To Know Yourself

Most of us “storm” from experiencing a different spectrum of emotions – we are angry at someone, happy, ashamed, afraid or sad. Emotions push us to rash decisions and impulsive actions.

Human emotions lead to marriages and divorces, success and degradation, to catastrophes and armed conflicts - as long as we remain human, we largely live by feelings, even if we don't like it. What to do if emotions capture, but there is nowhere to throw them out?

Talking to a friend or therapist is a great option, but not always available. And it is even more difficult if these experiences are caused by the actions of a loved one. To express everything in person and quarrel or carry it in yourself, bringing internal tension to an explosive state or “living” them in the form of illnesses?

Many people may find it strange the simple fact that sometimes it is necessary to throw out and eco-friendly express not only negative, but also positive emotions. If you've ever been awake looking forward to an amazing trip, or dancing on your way home from your most romantic date, or trying to avoid seeing another wedding photo of an enthusiastic colleague, you know what I'm talking about.

We've put together 5 psychological techniques to help you express your emotions in a sustainable way.

1. Dance and breathe

The physical body of a person is connected with his psyche - and this is the first thing to remember if you are overwhelmed with emotions. Sit on a chair with a straight back or stand up - the main thing is that nothing distracts you. Feel the tension, mentally scan your body from the top of your head to your toes, paying attention to the solar plexus area, the stomach and lower abdomen, the muscles of the neck, arms and legs.

Try not to think, just follow the movements of the body - what does it want? Maybe jump? Or stomp your feet? Push something away from you with your hands? Swing and do a left hook? Dance? Stretch? Maybe shout out your feelings (if you are not in the forest, then a pillow will help muffle the sounds and not scare your family)?

Just keep moving. And then return mentally to the emotion and repeat the same movements, feeling how the feeling passes through the body and goes into the ground or space.

2. Write down

Keeping a diary is not new advice, but it is very common in therapeutic practice. Write down information about how you feel, and preferably by hand. If you are not sure about the privacy of information and are afraid that someone in the family will find your records, download one of the applications that are created just for this and are protected by a password.

Systematicity is important here - write down your feelings every day, note what happens to you in different situations. If some emotion "goes off scale", you can determine its intensity every day on a ten-point scale. You can also do one of the exercises here and rate again by comparing the results.

3. Speak

Who can listen to you without interrupting, nitpick about intonation and say, “I'm not ready to talk about this”? Of course, an imaginary interlocutor. Or rather, the person with whom your strong experience is connected.

Most often, we react violently precisely to situations involving other people. Therefore, take 2 chairs, mentally “seat” the person you want to speak to on the second one, and speak. You can talk about the situation, but remember to emphasize your own feelings.

Having spoken out, you can also do the second part of the exercise - sit on the chair of an imaginary interlocutor, introduce yourself to him and try to answer for him, what he feels, how he sees this situation, how he reacts to your emotions. Sit back in your seat, give an answer if necessary, and, after finishing the conversation, just breathe calmly.

4.Visualize

This method is part of art therapy and is used in work with children and adults. Sometimes we do not have enough words to describe, express what we feel. And imaginative thinking comes to the rescue. Draw on paper, mold from plasticine, or try to visualize your experience.

While visualizing, close your eyes and try to describe. What is it, your feeling? What color, shape, size? What are its boundaries - blurry or clear? Does he have a face, and if so, what kind? Does it look like some kind of animal, or is it a completely fantastic image? Does it have arms and legs, where does it live, what does it do?

You can talk to your visualized feeling, you can ask it what it needs - perhaps it will “ask” to feed it or send it to live where it will not bother you. You can agree with him or try to reduce it in size.

Imagination is a great therapeutic tool, and even if you don't use it very much yet, it's definitely worth a try.

5. Bring everything to the point of absurdity

This method seems paradoxical, but it can work. Most often, we try to somehow “curb” emotions, take control, and we strive to get rid of negative ones as soon as possible. What if it does the opposite? You are angry? Then tell yourself that you are angry.

Your anger is great. Huge as an elephant. Like 10 elephants. Like Lake Titicaca and Mount Kilimanjaro combined. She's hot like a jalapeno. Like the hottest sauce in the world. It is so huge that there is nothing else - you feel only anger.

Try to feel only one thing and you will immediately notice that it is virtually impossible. There is always something else besides your moon-sized swollen emotion that should fill you up. I want to drink. You have to reply to the message. It's time to feed the kitty. A window blows in the back. Dogs are barking outside...

Ideally, your anger bursts like a soap bubble. This is a useful exercise that helps you understand that no matter how much a feeling captures you, you are not it. You are always more.

There is room in your head for thoughts on other topics, there are other experiences in your emotional background. This means that none of them can take possession of you, suppress you, destroy you. Sooner or later, any, even the strongest, feeling will pass. Fortunately, this is how our mind works.

And finally, I would like to warn you: if you are experiencing a traumatic experience or retraumatization, if your emotions seem completely unbearable, take care of your health and consult a specialist. In acute situations, this is a necessary and competent step.

Text: Elena Sivkova Photo Source: Getty Images

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Healthy aggression: 5 ways to deal with anger

Health

© Thought Catalog/Unsplash

Author Yulia Tsiruleva

June 19, 2019

Feeling angry is a normal human reaction. It is important to let it out, but in a way that is not destructive to you or to others. And here's how you can do it.

When we judge ourselves for being angry, it doubles the annoyance and makes the situation worse. Experts advise to recognize unpleasant feelings and try to find the cause of aggression. Perhaps a colleague who didn’t notice you at the meeting felt bad, and a loved one was late for a date because he unexpectedly got stuck in traffic, and not because he neglected your time. If anger is the result of actions that really threaten your well-being, then being aware of this will help protect yourself. Psychologists have developed simple techniques to deal with negative feelings and learn how to behave better.

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The easiest and fastest way to calm down is to even out your breathing. The brain does not know how to immediately disconnect from strong emotions, so you need to help it pause with the help of breathing exercises. Try to take a few deep breaths in and out, trying to breathe in your belly. Measured breathing allows you to get rid of unpleasant emotions and tune in to a calm, relaxed state.

Crying is a natural biological mechanism that allows you to throw out negative emotions and reduce stress. You can scream in the car or at home, loudly, at the top of your voice or into a pillow. Try to watch a sports match and cheer. Or scream to the music - the latest research shows that heavy metal, punk and hard rock are calming and help neutralize anger and bad moods. Be prepared for the fact that after a scream, the reaction may change to uncontrollable laughter.

For example, beat a pillow. Fists, legs, tennis racket - as you like. You can get yourself a special durable “whipping pillow” - old sofa cushions are well suited for this. If possible, spend five minutes exercising or dancing. A short, simple exercise helps to get rid of stress, calm down and improve mood.

Another useful way to deal with anger is to clean up. Use the energy of aggression to clean windows, take apart cabinets, or move furniture. If you want to destroy more than clean up, use a special service where you can beat dishes, misbehave and smash appliances and furniture to pieces.

We often avoid unpleasant conversations until the very end for fear of offending the interlocutor, worsening the situation, or in response to an important request to be rejected. But the accumulated negative emotions and unspoken desires do not go anywhere. In this state, a minor occasion can provoke an outburst of anger.

Try to talk directly to others about your condition. Close and beloved people, friends, colleagues may not realize that you lack their attention, you feel offended and forgotten.

When you decide to talk, try to avoid accusations and criticism. You may need to apply one of the previous methods first, or even try them all. The best way to use I-messages is to talk about your feelings in the first person. Then you can calmly explain what hurt or angered you. Ask the interlocutor to explain his position - probably together you can understand the situation and find a solution.

Psychologists believe that it is useful to express anger and resentment on paper or in a computer file - this is another way to throw out what has accumulated inside. Try writing a letter to someone who made you angry or offended. No need to focus on writing coherent, beautiful text: write whatever you think and feel. Then the file can be deleted, and the paper letter can be torn or burned. Or, if you want, edit the text and send it to the addressee.

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