Examples of mood swings

What are they? Causes in males and females, and more

A mood swing is a sudden or intense change in emotional state. During a mood swing, a person may quickly switch from feeling happy and upbeat to feeling sad, irritable, or angry.

In this article, we discuss the most common causes of mood swings in males and females, and we list treatment options and tips for prevention.

Often, lifestyle factors play a role in the onset of mood swings. People may have sudden changes in mood if they are:

  • experiencing a significant life change, such as moving home or changing job
  • feeling stressed or overwhelmed
  • not getting enough sleep
  • not eating healthily
  • taking medications that impact mood or sleep

Regular and severe mood changes, however, can indicate an underlying condition. Some conditions that lead to mood swings can affect both males and females, while some affect females only.

Common mood-altering conditions that affect either sex include:

Bipolar disorder

Bipolar disorder is when someone experiences periods of extreme emotional highs (mania) and lows (depression). These highs and lows may occur rarely or several times each year.

According to the National Institute of Mental Health, 4.4% of adults in the United States will experience bipolar disorder at some point in their lives.

Major depressive disorder (MDD)

MDD affects more than 16.1 million adults in the U.S. and is more common among women than men. People with MDD experience persistent feelings of sadness and a loss of interest in things they usually enjoy.

Depression affects a person’s mood, everyday life, and relationships. Most people with depression experience several episodes of low mood during their lives. However, they may have periods of happiness and good mood in between.


Cyclothymia, or cyclothymic disorder, is when someone experiences emotional highs and lows. It is similar to bipolar disorder but is less severe and less frequent.

Persistent depressive disorder (PDD)

This form of depression was previously known as dysthymia. People with PDD experience long-term feelings of low mood that persist for at least 2 years.

PDD symptoms are not as severe as those of MDD, but they can significantly impact a person’s life and relationships. The condition affects approximately 1.5% of adults in the U.S. each year.

Borderline personality disorder (BPD)

Someone with BPD can experience intense mood swings and self-image issues, and they can have difficulty managing their behavior. Those with BPD have an intense fear of abandonment and tend to have unstable relationships.

According to some studies, 5.9% of people will experience BPD at some point in their lives.

Other mental health conditions

Other mental health disorders that can contribute to mood swings include:

  • Schizophrenia: People with schizophrenia have hallucinations or delusions that cause them to experience an altered state of reality. Schizophrenia significantly impacts quality of life.
  • Attention-deficit hyperactivity disorder (ADHD): Children and adults with ADHD can struggle to manage their emotions, leading to mood swings. Other symptoms include impulsiveness, hyperactivity, and difficulty paying attention.
  • Disruptive mood dysregulation disorder (DMDD): DMDD is a childhood condition where the person experiences intense moodiness, including anger, extreme irritability, and temper outbursts. These symptoms must persist for 12 months or more for a diagnosis of DMDD.

Substance misuse or abuse

Excessive use of alcohol or drugs can affect mental health and lead to significant changes in mood.

Physical health conditions

Physical health conditions, especially chronic or terminal illness, can have a major effect on a person’s mood. These changes can be direct (through alterations in hormones or brain function) or indirect (by triggering depression or anxiety).

Examples of physical ailments that can lead to mood swings include:

  • Alzheimer’s disease
  • coronary heart disease
  • diabetes
  • epilepsy
  • HIV
  • multiple sclerosis (MS)
  • Parkinson’s disease
  • rheumatoid arthritis
  • stroke
  • thyroid disorders

Learn more about how MS can cause mood swings here.

Hormonal shifts can lead to significant changes in mood. Females tend to be more prone to symptoms of hormonal changes than males, particularly during menstruation, pregnancy, and menopause.

Common causes of mood swings in females include:

Premenstrual syndrome (PMS)

PMS causes many symptoms just before the onset of a menstrual period. These include:

  • mood swings
  • bloating
  • breast tenderness
  • depression
  • fatigue
  • food cravings

More than 90% of women report experiencing some PMS symptoms.

Premenstrual dysphoric disorder (PMDD)

PMDD is a more severe form of PMS. It affects up to 5% of women of childbearing age. It often co-occurs with depression or anxiety.

Symptoms include extreme changes in mood, persistent irritability or anger, and depression or anxiety. It also causes physical symptoms that are similar to those of PMS.

Mood swings in pregnancy

Hormonal changes in pregnancy can cause sudden shifts in mood, as well as feelings of anxiety and vulnerability. Physical changes may also influence a woman’s emotions.

These mood changes may be more apparent during the first trimester and level off once the body has adapted to fluctuating hormone levels. However, some women will experience mood swings throughout their pregnancy.


Menopause is a natural life transition where a person’s menstrual cycles end. It typically happens to women in North America between the ages of 40 and 58, but the average age is 51.

According to the North American Menopause Society, up to 23% of women experience mood changes during or after menopause. Other symptoms include hot flashes, sleep problems, and loss of libido.

Treatment is not typically necessary for occasional mood swings that are mild to moderate and do not impact a person’s quality of life.

However, if severe or persistent mood swings occur, they can indicate an underlying condition that may benefit from treatment. The treatment will depend on the underlying cause. Options include:


If mood swings result from a mental health condition, therapy may help, especially if changes in mood impact everyday life or relationships. Therapy can help people:

  • better manage their emotions
  • work on issues that contribute to mood swings
  • understand the link between thoughts, feelings, and behavior
  • learn more helpful coping skills
  • improve communication skills, which can benefit relationships

Therapy can also help those with a chronic or terminal physical illness deal with their situation and better manage their emotions.


A doctor may prescribe medication to treat the symptoms of mental health conditions, such as depression or schizophrenia, which can contribute to mood swings. These options include:

  • antianxiety medications
  • antidepressants
  • antipsychotic drugs
  • sleep aids

Treating physical conditions, such as a thyroid disorder, with medication may also reduce mood swings.

Lifestyle changes

Lifestyle changes, whether alone or in combination with other treatments, can improve mood. People may see benefits from doing one or more of the following:

  • creating a sleep schedule and aiming for 7–9 hours’ sleep every night
  • eating a healthful diet and having meals at regular times
  • engaging in regular physical activity
  • managing stress through meditation, mindfulness, yoga, or other sessions
  • keeping a journal to track changes in mood and potential triggers for those changes
  • maintaining an active social life and connecting with family and friends regularly

Individuals should see their doctor if their mood swings are:

  • regular
  • intense
  • persistent (lasting for more than a few days)
  • affecting their work, relationships, or other aspects of their life
  • causing them to engage in risky behaviors
  • causing them to have thoughts of self-harm or suicide

In most cases, a person’s emotions will level out within a few hours or days. If mood swings occur as the result of an underlying mental or physical health issue, then treating the condition can help people manage their emotions.

Mental health disorders typically respond to psychotherapy, medication, lifestyle changes, or a combination of all three. Sometimes, it may take time to find the best treatment plan to alleviate symptoms.

Many of the techniques that help people manage their mood can also help prevent mood swings. These include:

  • creating and sticking to a daily routine
  • enjoying a healthful diet
  • getting enough sleep
  • exercising regularly
  • finding ways to manage stress and eliminate its sources where possible
  • keeping a mood journal
  • socializing with others, including family and friends
  • reaching out and talking to someone in times of stress or crisis
  • seeking treatment if symptoms of mental health issues arise
  • following a treatment plan following a diagnosis of a mental health disorder

Occasional mild-to-moderate mood swings are a normal part of life. They may be more common during certain times, for instance, when significant life changes take place, or hormonal fluctuations occur due to menstruation and pregnancy.

Intense, long lasting, or recurring mood swings can suggest an underlying issue. In these cases, it is best to see a healthcare provider. A doctor or mental health professional may diagnose these conditions and recommend a course of treatment.

With treatment, most people with mental health issues can learn to manage their emotions and improve their quality of life.

What are Mood Swings and How to Manage Them

Experiencing a fluctuation of emotion for long periods is known as a mood swing. Some indications that you might be going through mood swings are extreme low moods for an extended period of more than two weeks, signs of feeling ups and downs, and the inability to explain why you feel a certain way.

“There are many different reasons why someone might be experiencing mood swings, and there could be varying triggers that have caused them,” says Angie Amonett, Therapist at Centerstone. Mood might change due to adjustments in your diet, trouble in sleep schedule, stress, weather, substance use, or trauma. It is important to pay attention to patterns in behavior because abnormal behaviors might indicate that something is going on.

There might be a concern present when your mood interrupts your daily functionality, and it might be helpful to try and reflect on your recent behaviors. “If your symptoms begin to interfere with day-to-day activities, it might be time to reach out for help,” says Amonett. You may not know that you are experiencing symptoms, but you can ask yourself questions like, Have I experienced any physical changes in my body or the way I behave? Have I recently felt stuck in my mood? Have my experiences become harder to deal with?

Mood swings might be difficult to manage but here are some steps you can take to help ease them:

  • Talk to your doctor. “If your mood swings become harder and harder to deal with, it might be time to talk to your primary care physician and see what they recommend. There is help out there for you,” says Amonett. It’s important to go to your doctor to rule out anything physical that might be going on.
  • Therapy. Once the physical aspect has been ruled out, consider seeking treatment to help you through your mental health struggles. Treatment through therapy is another useful tool to learn better coping skills and ways to process the emotions that you experience through your mood swings.
  • Social Support. Staying socially engaged with friends and family is extremely important. Try to avoid isolation and stay in contact with a trusted individual. Having these connections will make it easier when you find yourself more likely to get depressed or anxious.
  • Adjust your diet. Try to take the time to adjust to healthier diet options. Food is fuel, and eating junk food too often might impact your mood, and increase fatigue or other physical symptoms. Do research and try to find healthy alternatives that appeal to you.
  • Get regular exercise. Exercise is good for you, and it’s important to get movement where you can. That doesn’t mean you have to do heavy lifting at the gym, but maybe try to go for a walk every day. Integrate exercise into your routine to ensure you are taking the time for your health.
  • Make time for sleep. Getting good sleep is imperative to your health and daily function. Sleep is a time to recharge your body, and when you get too much or too little sleep you are not allowing your body to get what it needs to function. Make time in your schedule that allows you to sleep for the recommended seven to eight hours each night.

Managing your mood swings might be a difficult process, but you are not alone. Reach out for help when you notice the signs and encourage others who might be struggling to do the same.

If you or someone you know needs assistance managing mood swings, Centerstone can help. Call 1-877-HOPE123 (1-877-467-3123) for more information.


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The information in this section should not be used for self-diagnosis or self-treatment. In case of pain or other exacerbation of the disease, only the attending physician should prescribe diagnostic tests. For diagnosis and proper treatment, you should contact your doctor.
For a correct assessment of the results of your analyzes in dynamics, it is preferable to do studies in the same laboratory, since different laboratories may use different research methods and units of measurement to perform the same analyzes. nine0003

Mood is usually called a stable emotional state of a person, which determines his perception of reality.

A stable positive attitude is the basis for health, and frequent mood swings disrupt not only the mental, but also the physiological activity of a person.

Human emotions are diverse, and their occurrence is regulated by several hormones:

  • serotonin, or the hormone of pleasure, is responsible for a good mood, increases optimism and revives hope; nine0006
  • dopamine, or the hormone of motivation and joy, contributes to the feeling of pleasure;
  • adrenaline, a stress hormone, causes rage, anger, tension and fear;
  • endorphins - hormones of joy and euphoria;
  • Phenylethylamine is responsible for falling in love and romantic experiences;
  • for confidence in victory - testosterone;
  • Oxytocin, the hormone of trust and tenderness, which plays an important role during pregnancy, childbirth and breastfeeding, causes tender attachment to relatives in the human heart. nine0006

The production and metabolism of hormones entail a chain of complex sequential reactions that enable a person to make certain decisions. A number of hormones have a serious impact on the functioning of the brain.

Any failure in the “hormone-brain” circuit can lead to uncontrolled mood swings and cause unmotivated behavior.

Possible causes

Sudden and unreasonable mood swings can be caused by physiological and pathological factors. nine0003

Physiological reasons. If we consider hormonal fluctuations as the causes of mood swings, then a person is exposed to them throughout life: during growth, maturation, in the reproductive and post-reproductive periods. These are physiological cycles of development, and the body independently copes with hormonal changes.

The first period of powerful hormonal adjustment becomes adolescence . At this moment, the production of sex hormones increases sharply, which can cause unjustified aggression in boys, a desire to lead and prove the right to their own opinion. In girls, the production of estrogens, which affect mood swings, occurs cyclically and may be associated with the irregularity of menstruation during puberty. Psychological factors affecting the mood of adolescents are associated with difficulties in adequately perceiving one's body: a changed figure can cause irritation, despondency, and shame. This reaction is typical for girls. A change in testosterone levels in adolescents of both sexes contributes to the development of an unmotivated sense of protest, increased demands on others, emotional overexcitation, and reduced criticism of one's own actions. nine0003

It is very important during this period not to miss the signs of latent depression, which is difficult to diagnose because of the variety of its forms and symptoms.

When diagnosing depressive conditions, somatic symptoms come to the fore, that is, complaints about a state of health disorder, problems in the gastrointestinal tract, cardiovascular system, as well as a sharp change in mood. Sometimes mood swings get out of control and cause an emotional overreaction. nine0003

After a regular menstrual cycle is established, monthly hormonal fluctuations can cause premenstrual syndrome , which is manifested by a deterioration in well-being and a sharp change in mood.

A pronounced premenstrual syndrome negatively affects the daily activity of a woman, causes physical and emotional problems, and reduces the quality of life.

The main manifestations of premenstrual syndrome include fluid retention in the body and swelling due to increased levels of prolactin, mood swings, irritability, tearfulness, and fatigue due to impaired serotonin metabolism. Increased production of prostaglandins leads to headache, swelling and swelling of the mammary glands. nine0003

During pregnancy , especially in the first trimester, a woman's mood and health are directly dependent on hormonal balance. During this period, the main complaints are irritability, resentment, and sudden mood swings. After the fourth month of pregnancy, the woman's emotional background stabilizes.

Big troubles are brought by postpartum depression , which can be accompanied not only by a depressed emotional state, but also by suicidal attacks. nine0003

If mood swings disturbed a woman in the first trimester of pregnancy, the likelihood of postpartum depression increases significantly.

Menopausal syndrome is another emotional period in a woman's life when mood can be determined by changes in hormonal levels. Vegetovascular manifestations (hot flashes, sweating, blood pressure surges) may be associated with endocrine diseases (metabolic syndrome, thyroid disease) and emotional and mental disorders (mood swings, tearfulness, irritability, fatigue). nine0003

In men, age-related hormonal changes can also be accompanied by emotional instability: they become more irritable and aggressive. Mood swings in men tend to be less pronounced.

Pathological causes . A hormonal imbalance that causes sudden mood swings can occur with thyroid diseases , most often with thyrotoxicosis. In this case, an excess of the hormones thyroxine and triiodothyronine (T4 and T3) leads to malfunctions in the body. Diseases that cause increased production of thyroid hormones include diffuse toxic goiter, multinodular toxic goiter, etc. The instability of the emotional background in thyroid pathologies is accompanied by symptoms of cardiovascular diseases (arrhythmias, increased blood pressure), pathologies of the musculoskeletal system (muscle atrophy , osteoporosis), impaired functioning of the nervous system. nine0003

Along with increased excitability and anxiety, patients with hyperthyroidism complain of emotional instability, rapid mood swings, irritability, and tearfulness.

Sleep disorders can be both a cause and a consequence of a sudden change in mood and psychological instability.

Mental disorders are often accompanied by emotional instability. A striking example is bipolar affective disorder .

Bipolar disorder is characterized by a sudden change in mood, from intense arousal to depression.

The causes of this disease are not fully understood, but experts prefer the genetic theory. With age, the mental disorder worsens, the duration of periods of depression increases.

Unmotivated mood swings can be observed in persons suffering from psychopathy (most often hysterical), and in people with borderline personality disorder . In these cases, a sharp change in mood is accompanied by other signs of altered behavior (theatricality, a tendency to lie, exaggeration).

Drug dependence on hormones and psychoactive substances taken is another cause of severe mood swings.

With the regular use of alcohol and drugs, the joy and excitement after their use is suddenly replaced by depression or anger. nine0003

An unmotivated change in mood can be observed with hormonal therapy for oncological diseases and .

Which doctors to contact

Mood swings due to physiological causes do not require medical attention. If depression persists or is accompanied by other symptoms, you should first consult with the therapist who will determine the plan for the diagnostic search. nine0003

If the cause of emotional instability is related to hormonal changes in the female body, consultation is recommended gynecologist-endocrinologist, and if a man experiences these symptoms - urologist-andrologist. If thyroid disease is suspected, visit endocrinologist. If the patient's hormonal background is not disturbed, consultation is necessary neurologist or psychoneurologist.

Diagnosis and examination

Finding the cause of extreme mood swings is quite difficult. With the cyclical repetition of episodes of emotional instability and their coincidence with the onset of menstruation or menopause, the diagnosis can be made on the basis of the results of tests for sex hormones: estradiol, progesterone, luteinizing hormone, follicle-stimulating hormone, anti-Mullerian hormone. nine0023

Estradiol (E2, Estradiol)

Synonyms: Blood test for estradiol. 17-beta-estradiol. Brief description of the analyte Estradiol Estradiol is a steroid hormone with maximum estr...

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715 RUB

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Synonyms: Progestin; Gestagen. P4; Pregn-4-ene-3,20-dione. Brief description of the analyte Progesterone Progesterone is produced in the ovaries and in a small...

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705 RUB nine0003

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Luteinizing Hormone (LH)

Synonyms: Glycoprotein gonadotropic hormone; luteotropin; Lutropin. luteinizing hormone; LH; Lutropin; Interstitial cell stimulating hormone; ICSH. Brief characteristic determined ...

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715 RUB

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Follicle Stimulating Hormone (FSH)

Synonyms: Blood test for FSH; Follitropin. Follicle-Stimulating Hormone; follitropin; FSH. Brief description of the analyte Follicle-stimulating hormone ...

Up to 1 business day

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715 RUB

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Anti-Mullerian Hormone (AMH, Mullerian Inhibiting Substance, MIS)

Synonyms: Blood test for AMH; Mueller inhibitor. Anti-Müllerian hormone; AMH; Müllerian inhibiting factor; MIF; Müllerian-inhibiting hormone; M.I.H.; Müllerian-inhibiting substance; MIS. Short...

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RUB 1,670

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With the appearance of emotional instability, which is accompanied by arrhythmia, trembling fingers, sweating, tests for thyroid hormones (T3, T4, TSH) and antibodies to thyroglobulin (AT-TG) are necessary. nine0003

Free Triiodthyronine (Free T3, Free Triiodthyronine, FT3)

Synonyms: Free triiodothyronine. Free T3. Brief description of the test substance Triiodothyronine free Free triiodothyronine (T3free) belongs to the thyroid . ..

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RUB 685

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Free thyroxine (T4 free, Free Thyroxine, FT4)

Free thyroxine, not bound to plasma transport proteins. Synonyms: Blood test for free thyroxine. Free T4; Free Form of Thyroxin. Short description ...

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665 RUB nine0003

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Thyroid Stimulating Hormone (TSH)

A pituitary hormone that regulates thyroid function. One of the most important tests in the laboratory diagnosis of thyroid diseases. Synonym...

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620 RUB

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Thyroglobulin Antibodies (AT-TG, Anti-Thyroglobulin Autoantibodies, Thyroglobulin Antibodies)

Synonyms: Blood test for AT-TG; Antibodies to TG; ATTG; AntiTG; Anti-TG. Tg Autoantibody; TgAb; Anti-Tg Ab; ATG. Brief description of the study "Antibodies to thyroglobulin&ra...

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Diagnosis of mental disorders is complex and is based not so much on laboratory tests as on behavioral characteristics and symptoms of the disease. If you suspect the abuse of narcotic and psychotropic substances, you can ask the patient to take a urine test for toxic substances - a set of studies "Bad Habits". nine0003

"Bad habits" (Urine test for nicotine, psychotropic and narcotic substances, psychoactive drugs)

Synonyms: Comprehensive urine analysis "Bad habits"; comprehensive urinalysis for nicotine, psychotropic and narcotic substances, psychoactive drugs...

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3 920 RUB nine0003

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When pregnancy occurs, a study of chorionic gonadotropin, a specific hormone of pregnancy, is recommended; Ultrasound study.

Human chorionic gonadotropin (hCG, beta-hCG, b-hCG, Human Chorionic)

Synonyms: Beta-hCG generic. Human Chorionic Gonadotropin; hCG; Pregnancy Quantitative hCG; Beta hCG; Total beta hCG. Brief description of the analyte Human chorionic gonadotropin ...

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RUB 685

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Ultrasound diagnosis of pregnancy

Examination to confirm pregnancy and determine the place of attachment of the ovum (to exclude ectopic pregnancy). nine0003

RUB 2,290 Sign up


You can cope with mood swings only after finding out their causes, consulting with specialists and treating the underlying disease.

What to do

Mood swings observed in adolescents require daily attention and patience from relatives. If a feeling of depression, sleep disturbance, tearfulness are combined with somatic ailments (headache, pain in the abdomen, muscles) and a desire to isolate oneself from the outside world, one should definitely consult a child with a psychoneurologist. nine0003

To improve your mood, you should lead an active and healthy lifestyle.

You need a proper diet, regular exercise and adequate sleep. Attention to your mood is a simple rule of taking care of your own health.


  1. A.V. Vasilieva, T.B. Morgunova, Yu.P. Thyrotoxicosis after childbirth: difficulties in differential diagnosis. Medical business. 2020;1:97-100. DOI: 10.24411/2071-5315-2020-12200
  2. Menopausal hormone therapy and maintaining the health of women of mature age. Clinical guidelines (Protocols). Ministry of Health of the Russian Federation. 2014.
  3. Clinical guidelines "Depressive episode, recurrent depressive disorder". Developed by: Russian Society of Psychiatrists. – 2021.
  4. Tokareva D.V., Dikareva E.S., Zakirova I.I. Psychiatric disorders developing against the background of neurosurgical diseases. Bulletin of Medical Internet Conferences (ISSN 2224-6150). 2019;9(5).


The information in this section should not be used for self-diagnosis or self-treatment. In case of pain or other exacerbation of the disease, only the attending physician should prescribe diagnostic tests. For diagnosis and proper treatment, you should contact your doctor.
For a correct assessment of the results of your analyzes in dynamics, it is preferable to do studies in the same laboratory, since different laboratories may use different research methods and units of measurement to perform the same analyzes. nine0003


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Mood swings in teenagers - Crossroads

Parents of teenagers often ask themselves: why do children change their mood so often?

Now they are shouting, angry, slamming the door, now they are crying and sad, now they are tired and want to lie down next to them, then they are proving something again, waving their arms, arguing . . Is this normal? Why is this happening and when will it end?

This article will guide you on why teenagers are like this and what to do about them.

For those who don't know the difference between adolescence:

Adolescents 10-13 years old begin to change a lot in appearance. Growth does not occur gradually, as we would like, but in leaps and bounds. The body changes a lot: first the feet and palms are stretched, then the arms, legs, and only then the hips and shoulders are pulled up. It happens very quickly and suddenly, your child notices something new in himself almost every day. Do you think he is calm from this? No, it's not calm. There are many, different, not always understandable and pleasant changes, and it is still unclear when these changes will end and how to deal with it. nine0003

Author's comic

Think back to the first time you had a gray hair or a mole, wrinkles, or maybe a small belly from delicious food that you didn't have before.

How did you react?

It was unexpected, incomprehensible, you felt confused - you never thought that it would be like this, but it happened. You are not ready, even if you were warned about it. You just didn't believe it would happen to you.

And this is even more characteristic of adolescents, because they have such an internal structure - they have to question everything and are confident in their immortality and static. nine0003

"This may be true for others, but it certainly won't happen to me."

Or they just feel uncomfortable because they don't like the result. It's cool to become beautiful and mature at once. And if you have an intermediate stage? It doesn't look and sound very cool.

There are many changes, but it is not clear how to deal with them.

At this age, a teenager is very sensitive to criticism, especially when you or someone else talks about his appearance. Absolutely all remarks, even with good intentions (and we give just such ones) do not reach the goal, do not bring relief or consolation to our child, but, on the contrary, injure him. nine0003

"You're very stooped, straighten up!" “Just don’t paint your eyes so much, it doesn’t suit you!”, “Your pimples have poured out on your forehead ..”

Believe me, he knows about pimples, he carefully examines his body every day, he notices everything and is rather inclined to criticize himself:

“My hips are too big/narrow/ugly”, “I am not as tall and strong as others”, “I have hair growing on my face, what a horror!”

Moreover, peers with the same problems often do not accept their rapidly changing appearance and project (transfer) it onto their friends and classmates - hence the unpleasant jokes, jokes, sarcasm and, as a conclusion, the insecurity that the child brings home. During this period, his personality is still being formed, he is very dependent on assessments and opinions from outside. Any remark is accepted "as is", without healthy criticism, therefore it is very easy to touch and offend such a person, especially to close people. The topic of appearance requires special reverence and delicacy, and comparisons with other children are still unpleasant:

“Look, Ksyusha has such a posture!”, “And Pavlik is so handsome and his shoulders are so wide!”

And what happens to the personality?

Violet's teenage daughter from The Incredibles comic and cartoon

Personality is a qualitatively different structure, unique and inimitable. We love it when we are told about uniqueness, there is so much self and power in it. But how does it form and grow?

Mainly in conflicts, through separation and separation, or through identification, but the teenager chooses the object for this himself (and this is unlikely to be Ksyusha or Pavlik from the paragraph above). nine0003

The birth of a new personality and, in essence, a new person cannot take place in any other way. Previously, the child wanted to be obedient, wanted to be liked, wanted to be like adults in everything, but now he has his own opinion, his own emotions, his own views and interests, now it seems to him that he himself is an adult. This reincarnation becomes very strange, as if a child was brought to you from another planet:

"He was so obedient, but now... it's like he's not my child."

Yours, but different. Not like you, and you have to put up with it. nine0003

He has to argue, prove, sometimes shout, because it is important for him to have his own opinion, his own, it is important to be heard, it is important to be accepted. Yes, he can be wrong about something and this is normal. He does not know as much and on such a scale as you, he is just beginning to see situations more broadly, think about the consequences and feel responsible, but this does not mean that he cannot have his own opinion. He is looking, he is ready to meet in a discussion, he is hot, energetic, active - which means that he has vital energy and strength, he will be able to stand up for himself in the future and go his own way. Isn't that what you want, even though it's not easy right now? nine0003

joke about the superhero Flash, who moves fast

Often a teenager knows how to disperse and show emotions, but he cannot stop and slow down. On the contrary, there are frequent stories with emotions in a circle: he cried, then talked about what worries him, then started again. Or he shouted, seemed to calm down, and now he shouts on the same topic again. This is because he has not fully developed the skills of self-regulation, that is, the ability to become actively excited, and then reduce it and calm down. He peeps these tricks from his parents, he needs an adult nearby who knows how to do this and who can help him calmly slow down. Try to notice how you do it yourself, whether you show strong emotions at home, how you stop, how you resolve conflict situations with your spouse. A teenager can absorb and copy everything. nine0003

Also at the age of 11-13, a teenager is very immersed in his experiences, self-centered and self-centered. He is interested in what is happening to him, but he is almost incapable of empathy and sympathy for others. Often he imagines himself as an actor on stage or the author of a successful stand-up, he enhances emotions, changes the timbre of his voice, speaks louder, he likes to be looked at and reacted to. So he gets the attention he needs and becomes more confident.

"Iron Man" Robert Downey Jr. nine0003

A teenager wants power. He wants to decide everything, he wants a lot of freedom, he wants to feel like an adult, but he often behaves like a child - he violates agreements, does not help around the house, does not keep track of time, studies are not very good, etc. In general, does not take responsibility. This is a normal, teenage desire. A teenager often achieves this power to decide everything on his own through scandals and all sorts of manipulations: “I'm not going to this fucking camp! I'm tired of everyone with smartphones, but I'm not . .! Well, we won’t go to Lisa, but I promised!” The child wants to be on an equal footing with you, he wants to make decisions at the same level, but he is not yet completely independent and is only learning to take care of himself, program his actions and predict their consequences. He does not earn money, does not bring food to the house, does not cook , does not pay bills for the apartment. He must know that he can decide something, but not something, somewhere they will ask his point of view, but somewhere they will not. Changing the structure of the hierarchy in the family is a dangerous thing: the child wants to go to the top of the mountain, but it is sad, lonely and scary there ... he just doesn’t know about it yet. It is important to gain confidence and perseverance and set boundaries in time. The teenager will still try to destroy them, this is his nature, but be steady and consistent. nine0003

A teenager still needs recognition and tenderness, so don't be surprised that after bitter tears or screams, he will come to lie next to you on the bed.

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