Emotional quotient eq

Improving Emotional Intelligence (EQ) - HelpGuide.org

emotional intelligence

When it comes to happiness and success in life, EQ matters just as much as IQ. Learn how you can boost your emotional intelligence, build stronger relationships, and achieve your goals.

What is emotional intelligence or EQ?

Emotional intelligence (otherwise known as emotional quotient or EQ) is the ability to understand, use, and manage your own emotions in positive ways to relieve stress, communicate effectively, empathize with others, overcome challenges and defuse conflict. Emotional intelligence helps you build stronger relationships, succeed at school and work, and achieve your career and personal goals. It can also help you to connect with your feelings, turn intention into action, and make informed decisions about what matters most to you.

Emotional intelligence is commonly defined by four attributes:

Self-management – You're able to control impulsive feelings and behaviors, manage your emotions in healthy ways, take initiative, follow through on commitments, and adapt to changing circumstances.
Self-awareness – You recognize your own emotions and how they affect your thoughts and behavior. You know your strengths and weaknesses, and have self-confidence.
Social awareness – You have empathy. You can understand the emotions, needs, and concerns of other people, pick up on emotional cues, feel comfortable socially, and recognize the power dynamics in a group or organization.
Relationship management – You know how to develop and maintain good relationships, communicate clearly, inspire and influence others, work well in a team, and manage conflict.

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Why is emotional intelligence so important?

As we know, it's not the smartest people who are the most successful or the most fulfilled in life. You probably know people who are academically brilliant and yet are socially inept and unsuccessful at work or in their personal relationships. Intellectual ability or your intelligence quotient (IQ) isn't enough on its own to achieve success in life. Yes, your IQ can help you get into college, but it's your EQ that will help you manage the stress and emotions when facing your final exams. IQ and EQ exist in tandem and are most effective when they build off one another.

Emotional intelligence affects:

Your performance at school or work. High emotional intelligence can help you navigate the social complexities of the workplace, lead and motivate others, and excel in your career. In fact, when it comes to gauging important job candidates, many companies now rate emotional intelligence as important as technical ability and employ EQ testing before hiring.

Your physical health. If you're unable to manage your emotions, you are probably not managing your stress either. This can lead to serious health problems. Uncontrolled stress raises blood pressure, suppresses the immune system, increases the risk of heart attacks and strokes, contributes to infertility, and speeds up the aging process. The first step to improving emotional intelligence is to learn how to manage stress.

Your mental health. Uncontrolled emotions and stress can also impact your mental health, making you vulnerable to anxiety and depression. If you are unable to understand, get comfortable with, or manage your emotions, you'll also struggle to form strong relationships. This in turn can leave you feeling lonely and isolated and further exacerbate any mental health problems.

[Read: Building Better Mental Health]

Your relationships. By understanding your emotions and how to control them, you're better able to express how you feel and understand how others are feeling. This allows you to communicate more effectively and forge stronger relationships, both at work and in your personal life.

Your social intelligence. Being in tune with your emotions serves a social purpose, connecting you to other people and the world around you. Social intelligence enables you to recognize friend from foe, measure another person's interest in you, reduce stress, balance your nervous system through social communication, and feel loved and happy.

Building emotional intelligence: Four key skills to increasing your EQ

The skills that make up emotional intelligence can be learned at any time. However, it's important to remember that there is a difference between simply learning about EQ and applying that knowledge to your life. Just because you know you should do something doesn't mean you will—especially when you become overwhelmed by stress, which can override your best intentions. In order to permanently change behavior in ways that stand up under pressure, you need to learn how to overcome stress in the moment, and in your relationships, in order to remain emotionally aware.

The key skills for building your EQ and improving your ability to manage emotions and connect with others are:

Self-management
Self-awareness
Social awareness
Relationship management

Building emotional intelligence, key skill 1: Self-management

In order for you to engage your EQ, you must be able to use your emotions to make constructive decisions about your behavior. When you become overly stressed, you can lose control of your emotions and the ability to act thoughtfully and appropriately.

Think about a time when stress has overwhelmed you. Was it easy to think clearly or make a rational decision? Probably not. When you become overly stressed, your ability to both think clearly and accurately assess emotions—your own and other people's—becomes compromised.

[Read: Stress Management]

Emotions are important pieces of information that tell you about yourself and others, but in the face of stress that takes us out of our comfort zone, we can become overwhelmed and lose control of ourselves. With the ability to manage stress and stay emotionally present, you can learn to receive upsetting information without letting it override your thoughts and self-control. You'll be able to make choices that allow you to control impulsive feelings and behaviors, manage your emotions in healthy ways, take initiative, follow through on commitments, and adapt to changing circumstances.

Key skill 2: Self-awareness

Managing stress is just the first step to building emotional intelligence. The science of attachment indicates that your current emotional experience is likely a reflection of your early life experience. Your ability to manage core feelings such as anger, sadness, fear, and joy often depends on the quality and consistency of your early life emotional experiences. If your primary caretaker as an infant understood and valued your emotions, it's likely your emotions have become valuable assets in adult life. But, if your emotional experiences as an infant were confusing, threatening or painful, it's likely you've tried to distance yourself from your emotions.

But being able to connect to your emotions—having a moment-to-moment connection with your changing emotional experience—is the key to understanding how emotion influences your thoughts and actions.

Do you experience feelings that flow, encountering one emotion after another as your experiences change from moment to moment?

Are your emotions accompanied by physical sensations that you experience in places like your stomach, throat, or chest?

Do you experience individual feelings and emotions, such as anger, sadness, fear, and joy, each of which is evident in subtle facial expressions?

Can you experience intense feelings that are strong enough to capture both your attention and that of others?

Do you pay attention to your emotions? Do they factor into your decision making?

If any of these experiences are unfamiliar, you may have “turned down” or “turned off” your emotions. In order to build EQ—and become emotionally healthy—you must reconnect to your core emotions, accept them, and become comfortable with them. You can achieve this through the practice of mindfulness.

[Listen: Mindful Breathing Meditation]

Mindfulness is the practice of purposely focusing your attention on the present moment—and without judgment. The cultivation of mindfulness has roots in Buddhism, but most religions include some type of similar prayer or meditation technique. Mindfulness helps shift your preoccupation with thought toward an appreciation of the moment, your physical and emotional sensations, and brings a larger perspective on life. Mindfulness calms and focuses you, making you more self-aware in the process.

Social awareness enables you to recognize and interpret the mainly nonverbal cues others are constantly using to communicate with you. These cues let you know how others are really feeling, how their emotional state is changing from moment to moment, and what's truly important to them.

[Read: Effective Communication]

When groups of people send out similar nonverbal cues, you're able to read and understand the power dynamics and shared emotional experiences of the group. In short, you're empathetic and socially comfortable.

Mindfulness is an ally of emotional and social awareness

To build social awareness, you need to recognize the importance of mindfulness in the social process. After all, you can't pick up on subtle nonverbal cues when you're in your own head, thinking about other things, or simply zoning out on your phone. Social awareness requires your presence in the moment. While many of us pride ourselves on an ability to multitask, this means that you'll miss the subtle emotional shifts taking place in other people that help you fully understand them.

You are actually more likely to further your social goals by setting other thoughts aside and focusing on the interaction itself.
Following the flow of another person's emotional responses is a give-and-take process that requires you to also pay attention to the changes in your own emotional experience.
Paying attention to others doesn't diminish your own self-awareness. By investing the time and effort to really pay attention to others, you'll actually gain insight into your own emotional state as well as your values and beliefs. For example, if you feel discomfort hearing others express certain views, you'll have learned something important about yourself.

Discover the Power of Awareness

Want to overcome negative self-talk and other limiting beliefs? Join Tara Brach and Jack Kornfield for a free video from Sounds True on the Power of Awareness, online mindfulness training to transform your life.

Key skill 4: Relationship management

Working well with others is a process that begins with emotional awareness and your ability to recognize and understand what other people are experiencing. Once emotional awareness is in play, you can effectively develop additional social/emotional skills that will make your relationships more effective, fruitful, and fulfilling.

Become aware of how effectively you use nonverbal communication. It's impossible to avoid sending nonverbal messages to others about what you think and feel. The many muscles in the face, especially those around the eyes, nose, mouth and forehead, help you to wordlessly convey your own emotions as well as read other peoples' emotional intent. The emotional part of your brain is always on—and even if you ignore its messages—others won't. Recognizing the nonverbal messages that you send to others can play a huge part in improving your relationships.

Use humor and play to relieve stress. Humor, laughter and play are natural antidotes to stress. They lessen your burdens and help you keep things in perspective. Laughter brings your nervous system into balance, reducing stress, calming you down, sharpening your mind and making you more empathic.

Learn to see conflict as an opportunity to grow closer to others. Conflict and disagreements are inevitable in human relationships. Two people can't possibly have the same needs, opinions, and expectations at all times. However, that needn't be a bad thing. Resolving conflict in healthy, constructive ways can strengthen trust between people. When conflict isn't perceived as threatening or punishing, it fosters freedom, creativity, and safety in relationships.

Authors: Jeanne Segal, Ph.D., Melinda Smith, M.A., Lawrence Robinson, and Jennifer Shubin

References
Gilar-Corbi, R., Pozo-Rico, T., Sánchez, B., & Castejón, J.-L. (2019). Can emotional intelligence be improved? A randomized experimental study of a business-oriented EI training program for senior managers. PLOS ONE, 14(10), e0224254. https://doi.org/10.1371/journal.pone.0224254
How to Improve Your Emotional Intelligence—Professional Development | Harvard DCE. (n.d.). Retrieved June 18, 2022, from https://professional. dce.harvard.edu/blog/how-to-improve-your-emotional-intelligence/
Jiménez-Picón, N., Romero-Martín, M., Ponce-Blandón, J. A., Ramirez-Baena, L., Palomo-Lara, J. C., & Gómez-Salgado, J. (2021). The Relationship between Mindfulness and Emotional Intelligence as a Protective Factor for Healthcare Professionals: Systematic Review. International Journal of Environmental Research and Public Health, 18(10), 5491. https://doi.org/10.3390/ijerph28105491
Segal, Jeanne. The Language of Emotional Intelligence: The Five Essential Tools for Building Powerful and Effective Relationships. 1st edition. McGraw Hill, 2008. https://www.amazon.com/Language-Emotional-Intelligence-Essential-Relationships/dp/0071544550
Segal, Jeanne S. Raising Your Emotional Intelligence: A Practical Guide–A Hands-on Program for Harnessing the Power of Your Instincts and Emotions. 1st edition. Holt Paperbacks, 2015. https://www.amazon.com/Raising-Your-Emotional-Intelligence-Practical/dp/0805051511/ref=tmm_pap_swatch_0?_encoding=UTF8&qid=&sr=

Last updated: November 1, 2022

Emotional Intelligence (EQ): Components and Tips

Emotional intelligence allows you to enhance key areas of your life like home, work, and school.

You’ve seen them: The people who appear to be cool as a cucumber on deadline. Those who handle awkward family dinners with grace. The ones that get where you’re coming from, without you having to say a lot.

That’s because they may possess a certain skill set in spades — emotional intelligence.

Intelligence, in the general sense, is the ability to learn new concepts and apply your knowledge to problems. Emotional intelligence (EQ) is similar. It’s the ability to learn about yourself and apply that wisdom to the world around you.

Research suggests that a high EQ is associated with an array of benefits, from improved mental health and relationships, to higher job satisfaction and academic performance.

The term “emotional intelligence” was coined in the 1990s, then popularized by psychologist and author Daniel Goleman in his book “Emotional Intelligence: Why It Can Matter More Than IQ.”

Here are the 5 components he references:

Self-awareness

If you’re self-aware, you can see your own patterns of behaviors and motives. You know how your emotions and actions impact those around you, for better or for worse. You can name your own emotions when they come up and understand why they’re there.

You can also recognize your triggers, identify your strengths, and see your own limitations.

Being self-aware can also mean you’re humble — we’re all only human, after all.

Self-regulation

If you can self-regulate, your emotional reactions are in proportion to the given circumstances.

You know how to pause, as needed, and control your impulses. You think before you act and consider the consequences.

It also means you know how to ease tension, manage conflict, cope with difficult scenarios, and adapt to changes in your environment. It’s all about bringing out the part of yourself that helps manage emotions.

Motivation

If you’re intrinsically motivated, you have a thirst for personal development. You’re highly driven to succeed, whatever your version of success looks like.

You’re inspired to accomplish goals because it helps you grow as a person, rather than doing it for outside rewards like money, fame, status, or recognition.

Empathy

If you’re empathic, you’re a healthy level of self-interested — but not self-centered.

In conversations, you can understand where someone is coming from. You can “walk a mile in their shoes,” so to speak. Even if the exact scenario hasn’t happened to you, you can draw on your life experience to imagine how it may feel and be compassionate about what they’re going through.

You’re slow to judge others and possess the awareness that we’re all just doing the best we can with the circumstances we’ve been given. When we know better, we do better.

Social skills

If you’ve developed your social skills, you’re adept at working in teams. You’re aware of others and their needs in a conversation or conflict resolution.

You’re welcoming in conversation, using active listening, eye contact, verbal communication skills, and open body language. You know how to develop a rapport with others or express leadership, if the occasion calls for it.

Humans are social animals — we’re wired for connection. The more we can build positive relationships and develop cooperative connections, the more enriching our lives may be.

Unsurprisingly, research has shown that there’s a correlation between higher EQ and happiness.

But even when the going gets tough, EQ can help us with that, too.

In an academic setting, students who demonstrate high emotional intelligence, especially in the areas of emotional regulation and empathy, may be less likely to experience bullying, according to research.

Work is another example. Research in 2013 suggests that well-developed EQ can help you achieve the goals of your organization and increase your job satisfaction, in part because of the positive relationships fostered in the workplace.

In fact, according to that same study, a high EQ can help other people around you achieve success, particularly in group projects. When you manage your emotions, this influences those around you to do the same. Everyone wins.

Emotional intelligence exists on a continuum. Here are some common examples that explore what a higher versus a lower EQ may look like.

Self-regulation

Scenario: You’re in a meeting and a boss criticizes you in front of other co-workers.
Higher EQ: You maintain composure, then politely excuse yourself to process your emotions in a safe environment.
Lower EQ: You may become defensive and storm out of the office.

Empathy

Scenario: Your roommate tells you that it hurts their feelings when you forget to take out the trash, which you agreed to.
Higher EQ: You explain why you dropped the ball and tell them you understand why they’re hurt, then come up with an action plan together about how to get both of your needs met.
Lower EQ: You find it difficult to understand why they’re so upset and feel attacked by their criticism.

Self-awareness

Scenario: You and your colleague were up for the same promotion, but they got it instead of you.
Higher EQ: You reflect and realize that, if you’re being honest with yourself, you weren’t working as hard as your co-worker and their promotion is well-deserved.
Lower EQ: You may fire off an angry email to your boss, demanding an explanation or threatening to quit.

Motivation

Scenario: You passed an exam and posted about it on social media.
Higher EQ: You’re proud of yourself for the goal that you achieved and appreciative of any support you receive.
Lower EQ: You may question your success or worth because your post didn’t get very many “likes.”

Social skills

Scenario: You’re on a date and it doesn’t seem to be going very well.
Higher EQ: You ask open-ended questions, maintain good eye contact, and practice active listening.
Lower EQ: You may stop paying attention and decide there must be something wrong with your date.

Some people are born with EQ, while others can think of it as a skill set that needs to be acquired. With practice, it’s possible to develop or strengthen it.

Here are a few ways to do just that:

Self-awareness. Consider setting a regular time or day to journal. This can allow you to reflect on how you behaved in interactions and make a note of things that bothered you. You can go back and read over them from time to time and “study” yourself. You can also meditate and observe your thoughts.
Self-regulation. It may help to practice deep breathing exercises regularly, especially during conflict. You can learn to reframe challenges as opportunities in disguise and “failures” as learning experiences. Try to practice radical acceptance of any emotions that come up and verbalize what you’re feeling.
Motivation. Consider taking time out and celebrating each one of your wins. When you decide you want to do something new, it’s a good idea to identify your “why.” It can also help to break down your to-do list into bite-size chunks, or micro-tasks, and to work with an accountability partner or coach.
Empathy. To build empathy, try paying attention to your surroundings. See if you can pick up on the “energy” of your environment. You could also try talking to new people or volunteering for a cause you care about. If you’re stuck in traffic, consider looking around at people sitting in their cars and seeing what you can pick up about them.
Social skills. Aim to put yourself in new situations. When you do, try to pay attention to your body language and maintain eye contact. Practicing active listening can be beneficial, too. Consider this quote from Gandhi: “Speak only if it improves upon silence.”

Some people have emotional intelligence naturally, while others need to work a little harder at it. It’s well worth the effort you put in, though, as it can improve many areas of your life.

If you’re ready to take the next step, ask if your workplace has emotional intelligence training available.

You can also enroll in training online, like the one through the Institute for Health and Human Potential. Believe it or not, you can even find EQ courses on Skillshare or Udemy, two subscription-based online learning platforms.

If you need a starting point, take a free EQ quiz here. This may give you a good idea of where you’re excelling and what areas you could improve on.

The bottom line is: You’re the one who gets to control your emotions, so they don’t control you. Once you learn this useful skill, your quality of life may improve. The better it gets, the better it gets.

What is emotional intelligence: how to develop it

In general terms, as we have already said, EQ is one of the success factors. But let's break down why emotional intelligence is important.

1. Better self-awareness.

To understand the source and nature of one's feelings is a desire that is familiar to everyone. Unfortunately, we often confuse anxiety with panic or anger, and the feeling of fleeting involvement with great love. Developing emotional intelligence will help you better understand the emotional situation both within you and around you. For example, to end a senseless argument on time, to refuse an inappropriate load, and the like. That is, EI in this case helps to rationally recognize emotions and respond to them correctly.

2. Improved self-regulation.

We often lack either the will power or the time and motivation to form a certain lifestyle. For example, the introduction of a system of conscious eating or time management in personal and work life. A high level of emotional intelligence just allows you to cope with this, because with the awareness of your feelings, the ability to control yourself appears. This includes understanding your behavior and mistakes, and the ability not to repeat them next time. This moment is especially important for the formation of one's own reputation: high EQ, improving self-control, helps to be a more responsible person, to keep promises and agreements.

3. Stable and strong motivation.

The level of emotional intelligence directly affects a person's motivation and proactivity. High EQ allows you to learn better, faster and more productively, procrastinate to a minimum, endure difficulties with a positive attitude and soberly analyze personal mistakes. Also, a person with a developed emotional intelligence seeks to meet expectations, is more open in discussing work issues, clearly explains what and from whom he expects. Another important point: the ability to soberly assess your strengths and correctly plan the distribution of resources. Free time for such a person is always busy with useful things, training or planning.

4. Improved empathy.

Remember, when defining emotional intelligence itself, we pointed out that, by and large, it is the ability to understand other people's emotions and work with them? This is empathy, which is important in all areas of life. This is an opportunity to fully tune into other people, realize their problems and needs, read non-verbal signs and switch attention in the right way. A person with developed EI knows how to do this, and also feels justice better, respects other people's interests and weaknesses, does not push confronting individuals and always orients himself in who is "in charge".

5. More adequate and healthy social relationships.

All of the above leads to the main goal: to better understand people and interact with them. This consists of a sober assessment of the strengths and capabilities of others, the ability to refrain from influence from the masses, not to be held hostage to personal emotions and their manifestations from the wrong side. People with high EQ are good at rhetoric and the art of persuasion, clearly describe tasks and set priorities in the team, and do not succumb to bouts of passive-aggressive behavior. They can calmly and painlessly organize various changes in the family and work, properly prepare people for various situations. A team filled with such people is always more efficient, its emotional environment is healthier. Here, it is easier for specialists to learn new skills, interact with each other and keep healthy competition.

Thus, emotional intelligence is needed to be more aware, better understand your emotions and yourself. It is also a powerful tool for creating harmonious relationships with others. These two factors greatly increase your chances of success in your work and personal life.

A completely logical question arises: how to test your emotional intelligence? First of all, you need to adequately look at your life, your behavior and the state of relations with others. In 80% of people, this does not work out and other methods are used. For example, the MSCEIT technique is a method for determining EQ (EI coefficient), during the implementation of which the subject is shown various photos with portraits. Various emotions are imprinted on them, and the subject needs to recognize them. Such a test is best done under the supervision of a specialist who will correctly decipher your results. The most popular and reliable is the Hall method, which is based on 30 questions to determine the state of the basic characteristics of EI. This test is freely available on the Internet, as well as dozens of other similar ones.

Detailed Emotional Intelligence Test

Emotional Intelligence (EI) tests assess a person's ability to recognize and understand their emotions and the feelings of others and use these skills in interaction with others.

This detailed emotional intelligence test examines all 15 components of EI and uses a person-centered approach to EI that overlaps with elements of the science-based Big Five Personality System.

To find out the level of your emotional intelligence behind the 15 components, indicate how much you agree with each subsequent statement.

The IDRlabs Detailed Emotional Intelligence Test (IDR-GEIT ©) was developed by IDRlabs International. The IDR-GEIT test draws on the research of psychologist Konstantinis Petridis and colleagues for the assistance of University College London. The IDR-EIT is not directly affiliated with the above researchers or institutions.

Our free detailed Emotional Intelligence Test from IDRlabs is based on research by psychology professor Konstantinis Petridis. This EQ test is based on the theory of emotional intelligence: how people recognize and understand their own emotions and the feelings of others. Recent studies have shown a strong relationship between emotional intelligence and social behavior, stress tolerance, good mood, effective decision making and leadership abilities.

The structure of emotional intelligence, like this test, consists of 15 components: adaptability, self-affirmation, emotional perception, expression of emotions, problem solving, self-regulation, impulse control, interpersonal relationships, self-esteem, self-motivation, social responsibility, stress resistance, empathy, enjoyment of life and optimism.

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