Emotional affairs ending


How To End A Long Emotional Affair

It can feel good to have a connection with someone outside of your relationship on an emotional level. People need to be able to have friends to talk to and it's also nice to just be able to go out with other adults while in a marriage. There's a difference between having a friendship with someone and having an emotional affair partner, though. An emotional affair partner often rides a fine line between being a friendship and an affair or cheating on a committed relationship. Culture mostly focuses on sexual affairs, but when you have a primary relationship, such as a loyal spouse or another long term relationship, you can jeopardize your emotional relationship through emotional damage outside of a sexual affair. If you have been going through an emotional affair or cheating of sorts with someone that you know, then you might be wondering how you can end it. It isn't always easy to stop seeing someone, but you don't want to jeopardize a happy marriage either.

Emotional Affairs Can Indicate A Larger Issue

Work Through Relationship Issues With A Professional.

You can learn how to end an emotional affair so that you can finally move on with your life. This situation has likely thrown your life into a chaotic state. You might be confused about what is going to be the right thing to do in this situation. Read on to get more information about how to end emotional affairs, improve your well being, and work on building a deep connection with your partner and/or a healthier marriage. It should give you something to think about, and hopefully, it'll help you to move on with your life. At the end of the day, emotional affairs end, and in part, it is up to you if it ends in a destructive way like an extra marital affair, or in a positive way with healthy boundaries for you, your partner, and your friend.

Emotional Affair

An emotional affair is a friendship that has developed into something more beyond a close friendship. Married individuals likely have many friends that they turn to for companionship. Sometimes married people also have friends of the opposite sex and this isn't necessarily bad. You can have a friendship with someone without it being inappropriate in any way. The problem is that it is also possible to become emotionally attached to someone on a level that isn't appropriate when you're married where someone else fulfills too many emotional needs that ought to be worked through with a significant other.

For example, you could look at the amount of time spent with the friend, and maybe it is more time that you spend with your partner. If this is coupled with you intimate details and fulfilling an emotional need with deeper issues with this person, then it might be an emotional affair. These types of emotional affairs involve having an intimate relationship with someone that is not a physical one. You might turn to this person for love and emotional support. Normally, you might turn to your spouse for this type of emotional support. Having someone like this in your life diminishes the significance of your spouse in some ways. You may say that you are “just friends,” and in some cases this is true. In other situations, there are underlying issues where the relationship with the emotional affair partner goes beyond that.

Emotional Cheating: 

Signs

Being able to recognize when things have gone too far emotionally isn't always easy. You might think that your connection with someone is purely platonic and normal. However, a normal friendship can turn into an emotional affair over time. You might discover that you have more of an emotional connection to this person than you initially realized. It could lead you to want to be around them more often and you might even feel like you're in a type of relationship with this person, turning to an affair.

If your spouse is worried about your friendship with someone else, then there is a chance that the relationship might be inappropriate. You need to ensure that you are keeping things purely platonic and normal between you and your friends. Some people cross that line innocently at first, but they then start to explore the relationship more.

If you feel the need to keep your interactions with a friend secret from your spouse, then it's likely that you're having an emotional affair. This is different from a spouse having wandering eyes without acting on it due to the emotional connection that is involved.

Emotional Affair To Cheating

Yes, emotional infidelity can potentially lead to cheating. Sometimes people who are having an emotional affair will have a sexual attraction to one another.

You might recognize the attraction and you could even discuss it with this individual. Some people just experience sexual tension with another person without talking about it. Either way, this has the potential to lead to actual cheating down the line. If you keep bonding with this person and spending time together, then you might be tempted to act on your impulses at some point.

Not all emotional affairs lead to cheating, though. Some people simply enjoy the thought of it, and they would never be able to bring themselves to act on their baser desires. Whatever the situation is, it's plain to see that these types of emotionally intimate relationships feel inappropriate. If you're in a committed and monogamous marriage, then you should try not to have these emotional affairs with others. They can lead to hurt feelings or much worse.

How To End An Emotional Affair

Ending an emotional affair might feel very difficult. It can feel like losing an important friend that you have come to cherish. In all likelihood, you won't even be able to remain friends with this individual. How you move forward will take plenty of self reflection.

Moving forward with your life is possible once you decide to end it. You need to be honest with the person that you have been developing this bond with. Tell him or her that you feel that this relationship has become inappropriate. Admit your feelings and tell them that you very much love your spouse. Use that as your reason for not being able to see them any longer.

Your friend might object to your ending of the friendship. You might have a hard time not talking to this person any longer. It could cause emotional heartache that is not too dissimilar from breaking up with a lover. This just shows how inappropriate and serious this connection between you two was. The best way to end an emotional affair is to be honest and to stop seeing the other person entirely.

You should also consider whether or not you want to remain in your marriage. There are situations where people seek out emotionally charged relationships due to things that are missing in their marriages. Your marriage might not be satisfying, or you might feel as if your spouse doesn't truly love you. No one has to stay in a loveless marriage if they don't want to. Divorce is an option, but you can also work on fixing your marriage if you do love your spouse. Marriage counselling is an option too. You may need to rebuild trust, work on improved communication, or build other facets of a healthy relationship. If your partner refuses to go with you, you might consider individual therapy, or even other places to talk like a support group or therapy clinic.

Romantic Cheating = Physical Infidelity?

Whether or not this is the same as cheating is up to interpretation. Some spouses might feel that this is a betrayal of their trust that is on par with traditional infidelity.

Others might see it as a troubling situation, but they might not consider it to be cheating. Your partner will have to decide how they feel about things. You should admit that you have been spending too much time with this person and then tell your spouse that it is going to stop.

Emotional affairs can certainly cause similar problems when compared to cheating. It can harm your relationship and it can make your spouse feel as if they have been betrayed. You might feel the need to apologize and to try to make things up to your spouse.

Moving forward together is only going to be possible if your spouse is willing to forgive you. Your spouse will likely want assurances that you won't see the person that you were cheating with ever again, too.

Moving Forward

Moving forward as a married couple is not easy when you are just coming out of an emotional affair. You might even feel very emotionally vulnerable due to exposing your connection with this friend.

Your spouse might be distrustful of you for a while and you'll need to work on fixing things. There are likely many problems in your relationship that need to be addressed. Your desire to seek out love and support from a friend shows you that your marriage is less than perfect.

Talk to your spouse about what has happened and try to commit to walking toward the future together. If you love each other, then you will be able to overcome this situation. You just need to be prepared to confront difficult subjects without attacking each other. It might be best for you to get some help from professionals who know how to guide you through the process.

How Online Couples Therapists Can Help

Your need for a connection with someone else might stem from problems that exist in your marriage. You should never blame your husband or wife for what has occurred.

It's crucial to acknowledge what has happened and to move on. After you have ended your affair, you will need to work on strengthening your marriage. This might not be easy to accomplish by yourself. This is why it is highly recommended that you seek out the help of online couples' counselors.

Online couples counseling is a perfect way for you to get over issues that are harming your marriage. These professionals can help you to work on your communication while also addressing problems that are keeping you from connecting properly. They can help you at any time that you decide to reach out. Best of all, this is a very discreet form of counseling that will allow you to get help without advertising it to the world. If you want to work on saving your marriage, then these online therapists will be great allies. They'll always be there for you and it's also cost-effective.

FAQs

How long do most emotional affairs last?
Do emotional affairs end well?
Do people divorce over emotional affairs?
What percentage of emotional affairs turn physical?
How do affairs end usually?
How do you break an emotional connection with someone?
What are examples of emotional cheating?
What percentage of emotional affairs end in divorce?
Why do husbands have emotional affairs?
Is emotional cheating worse than physical cheating?

How to end an emotional affair

How to end an affair – emotional, physical or both.

I’m so glad you’re searching for information on how to end an emotional affair. And, just in case you have a full-blown affair, this article will help you end an affair regardless of type.

Perhaps you’ve realised that your platonic friendship or emotional infidelity is in danger of becoming more than that, a spouse or partner has found out, or there’s some other reason it’s time to end that affair.

If you’re really in love, doubtless, it saddens you to have to break up. You might have even considered what it would be like if the two of you could live your lives together.

However, clearly, either you are married or in a primary relationship, or you’re having an affair with a married woman or man. Or, perhaps you’re both already in a committed relationship or married.

So, let me help you.

In this article, you’ll discover:
  • Why emotional affairs are so hard to end
  • How to bolster your reasons and motivation to end the affair
  • 8 ways ending emotional infidelity might affect you
  • How to prepare yourself by managing your expectations
  • 3-step plan to end an emotional affair
  • How to get over an affair.

My article What is an emotional affair has the following info:

  • The 10 stages of an emotional affair
  • The difference between emotional infidelity and a friendship
  • And if emotional affairs turn into full-blown infidelity.

What is your reason for wanting to end the affair?

There are likely to be two main reasons for wanting to end the emotional affair.

Either you’ve been found out. Or, you want to stop the emotional affair because you’re feeling ill at ease for:

  • You’re feeling you’re getting too deeply involved.
  • Your affair partner wants more than you’re willing to give.
  • You realise it won’t take much for the two of you to end up in bed.
  • You’ve had sex, and you’re now realised you’ve overstepped a boundary.
  • You’re feeling guilty about having gone against your values and beliefs.
  • Your affair partner is becoming ‘too demanding’.
  • You realise your primary relationship is much more satisfying.
  • You’re worried your spouse, partner, or kids will find out.
  • You’re getting bored with the relationship.

It’s as well to have it clear in your own mind what your reason for stopping the affair is. It will help you be better prepared and avoid easily-made mistakes.

With whom do you have an affair?

Emotional infidelity with who?

Are you having an emotional affair with a married man or woman at work? Or are you married or in a primary relationship?

If so, whether with a colleague or even your boss, others are almost certainly well-aware.

I’m afraid that you may have to find another job if you want to end the affair. Or, if working for a large organisation – transfer to another department.

You may not be given a choice. Or, if you remain in close company, you’re going to find it almost impossible to break off your emotional affair, let go and move on.

Are you having an affair with a friend?

If you’re having an emotional affair with your spouse’s or partner’s friend, that means a double betrayal. Ouch!

If your affair partner is part of a friendship group, your emotional infidelity is almost certainly already being discussed.

Are you having an emotional affair with someone online?

Ending an online affair simply means closing accounts, unfriending and playing another game (if you’re a gamer). See further down on what to write to your affair partner.

Regardless of who you had an affair with and whether or not your spouse knows, chances are your spouse has already noticed your change of behaviour. You’ll have been distracted, unavailable, irritable and generally probably lousy company.

Why are emotional affairs so hard to end?

Emotional affairs are difficult to end because they help you meet your essential emotional needs more than your primary relationship or marriage. Therefore, you may feel heartbroken when this relationship ends.

In addition, you may feel almost obsessed with the other – it’s like an addiction.

Or, depending on your circumstances, you may not be able to avoid bumping into them.

You might feel the two of you are on the same wavelength, and you may not have felt that way in your primary relationship.

Perhaps, you don’t want to upset your affair partner because you’re worried about the consequences.

Or, you’re still in denial – trying to convince yourself you’re not really being unfaithful.

How to end an emotional affair

Stopping emotional infidelity

How strong is your motivation to break off the affair?

There’s no point in trying to end an emotional affair unless you’re absolutely sure it’s the right thing to do.

As I’ve mentioned before, an emotional affair can be really addictive as so many of your emotional needs are being met. You go to bed and fall asleep thinking about that person. You get up thinking about that person and longing to be with them.

Breaking off the affair means letting go of someone you feel has become essential to your well-being.

Your motivation to end then is crucial.

Can you end an emotional affair and still be friends?
I think you probably know the answer to that. If you’re still friends, you can’t have ended the affair.

Know that an emotional affair is just as damaging to your primary relationship or marriage as a full-blown affair.

You’ve invested emotional energy in the relationship with someone else. That means that instead of turning towards your spouse, you’ve turned away from them. You became distant – mentally, physically and probably sexually ( if not, you’re likely to have imagined making love with your affair partner).

If you and your spouse have been growing apart for some time, it’s time to address your problems. That can lead to your being able to rekindle your marriage or primary relationship. It can also mean you realise you no longer have a future together.

Get a professional therapist to help you

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  • 1 live session à 45 min/week (video, voice or text)
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A relationship with someone you can’t have?

Maybe you’ve fallen in love with someone you can’t have. Could it be that the other person doesn’t feel half as involved as you? Is it possible that you’re suffering from unrequited love?

It’s totally understandable then that you want that emotional affair to end – even if it’s one-sided.

I’ve got you! Hop over to my article Effective ways to get over the pain of unrequited love.

How to stop emotional infidelity

How to end an emotional affair

Preparing to end emotional cheating

The consequences of ending the affair depend on whether it was your choice to end it or you’re now forced to stop cheating because you were found out.

Either way, you may as well prepare yourself for the following:

8 ways to prepare yourself
  1. You’re facing a really challenging time – ending an affair is hard. If you’ve been found out, your choices are limited.
    Accept that nothing in life lasts. So, take it on the chin – however challenging, you’ll get through this.
  2. Consider whether or not you can see yourself growing old with your spouse or partner. Decide whether to stay and rebuild your relationship or if it’s time to ask for a break or divorce. Know that rebuilding your primary relationship is going to require an enormous effort after an affair. You need to be really motivated to invest your energy into saving your marriage or relationship.
    Not sure what to do? Take my comprehensive, free relationship compatibility test to determine if the two of you are still compatible.
  3. Be prepared to be honest with your spouse about where you stand, even if you’re unsure. You might find the two of you have enough emotional resources to work it all out.
  4. Your affair partner may not have seen it coming and might put you under pressure to continue.
  5. Be prepared to give a clear reason only for breaking off the affair: “I’m going to invest in my primary relationship/marriage. Therefore, this relationship has to end (we can no longer see each other).”
  6. Consider and prepare for the reaction of the affair partner: blackmail, anger, viciousness, threats, crying, arguing or no response at all. Know that all you have to say or write is: “I am sorry, but this is really our final contact.” Just repeat that.
  7. Be prepared to do everything possible to show your spouse that you have ended the relationship. So, make a recording of the phone conversation or let them listen in when you make that call. Show them the text exchanges, share your screens,
  8. Be prepared for a major fall-out at work. Prepare a ‘spiel’ for what you’re going to say to colleagues, managers and boss.

Anticipate the emotional roller-coaster ride

What to expect when you stop your emotional cheating

You’re going to be in for an emotional roller coaster ride for the next few months. Yes, expect it to last a while!

You may well be suffering from a sense of loss, combined with feelings of guilt and frustration (among others)…

Loss

Know that you might experience a great sense of loss, depending on your circumstances, such as:

  • The loss of fun, friendship and laughter
  • The loss of feeling seen, heard and understood
  • The loss of admiration and being accepted
  • The loss of the giving and receiving attention (one of our most important inborn emotional needs
  • The loss of emotional intimacy.

It will be tough for you to get over that affair!

Guilt

You might be left with a huge sense of guilt – for betraying your spouse and possibly even ‘letting down’ your affair partner.

Frustration

If your spouse knows about the affair, the ending of it won’t magically solve the problem.

Expect your spouse to remain hurt, suspicious and angry. They’ll need some time to get over it. Their recovery may take longer than you think and their reactions might lead you to feel frustrated by the apparent lack of progress.

How to end an emotional affair with help

You’ve asked me how to end an emotional affair. So, I’d like you to know that you might need all the help you can get!

So, I highly recommend you make use of the following resources and services in advance of and after the end of your emotional infidelity:

  • My article on how to be an emotionally supportive spouse may come in handy.
  • The “Get ready to end that affair” and the “Stay faithful to your partner” hypnosis audio downloads. Self-hypnosis with the help of professionally produced audios are an effective, user-friendly and affordable way to get expert help. For further information, see my article Hypnosis FAQ and downloads.
  • Talk to an expert relationship coach (opens in a new tab). There’s a coach ready to help you right away, and they can help you through from beginning to end.
  • Read all the articles I have linked to further down!

Unfortunately, since the affair is likely to have been a secret, you may not have anyone with whom you can share your distress. Unless you’re so fortunate to have someone among your friends or family who can listen without judgement. And, I think you might need someone.

So, to find out to whom you might be able to turn, see my article on finding the right relationship advice.

However, doubtless, you’ve gone through tough times before. Trust that you can also get through this.

Now you know what you can expect, let’s get cracking with the nitty-gritty of ending that emotional affair.

What is the best way to end an affair?

Do you send a text, write a DM, email or letter? Do you (video) call? Or, should you meet in person? And what do you say to your affair partner to end the affair?

The best way to break off the affair depends on whether or not there’s pressure for you to end it because you’ve been found out. It leaves less time to think things through. And, you’re more likely to be highly emotional yourself, even if you wouldn’t like to admit to that.

A 3-step plan for ending an affair

You may not be able to avoid each other if you’re working together, at least not in the first instance. That is unless your manager or boss has already taken action!

You could be crewed together, are on the same team or work in the same office. You may even be scheduled to attend an event together.

So, here’s what you need to do when ending an emotional affair:

Step 1

Speak to your affair partner. What you say depends on whether or not your wife knows about your infidelity.

Here’s what might work for you:

  1. Contact your affair partner, and, if your spouse knows about it, have her witness your ending the affair.
  2. Say something like:
    “I am breaking off our relationship. I regret having become so deeply involved to risk my marriage and hurt my spouse.”
    “I no longer want to continue our relationship. It has been unfair to my spouse, I have damaged our marriage and I want to do all I can to save it, as I love my spouse.”
    “Please, respect my decision and do not contact me again.”
  3. With regards to work:
    “I will contact [boss/manager] to ask for a transfer to [different site, team or department].”
  4. If you just want to leave a message, and not speak to your affair partner in person, say something like:
    “I’m leaving this message to let you know I no longer want to continue the relationship. This call/email/message is to let you know that from this moment, I won’t be contacting you anymore. Please, respect my decision and do not attempt to contact me. I will now also be closing my … accounts and unfriend you.”
  5. If your spouse doesn’t know about the affair, you may or may not want to soften the blow by adding words and statements like sadly, I’m sorry, I know this comes as a blow, I hope, etc.

See also:

  • How to end a relationship
  • How to break up a relationship
Step 2 – if you’re ending an emotional affair at work

Speak to your manager or boss, ideally before you arrive for work, about relocating to a different site (preferably), a different department and/or a different team.

If that’s not possible, you may have to consider leaving and getting another job.

Forget about doing it in person. Instead, end the affair with your spouse present. They need the reassurance that you’ve done and said the right thing. You might even have asked them what they need to hear you say. You can then decide how much their words fly in the face of what you’re really feeling and find a happy medium.

Step 3 – Repair your marriage or primary relationship.

Scroll back up to the section about the potential losses on account of the end of the affair. You might then realise what, if anything, you’ve been missing in your marriage or primary relationship.

Then, be sure to read the following articles:

  • How to survive infidelity
  • How to fix your marriage
  • How to save a marriage from divorce
  • 5-point plan to fix your relationship.

Last but not least, let’s talk about how to get over an affair…

How to get over an affair

Not only will you want to know how to end an emotional affair, you might also want to know how to get over it.

The fact you’ve got this far and reading this means you’ll already know that you’re going to find it hard to get over your affair.

I’ve got you. I’ve written an article specifically about getting over an emotional affair.

In addition, you’ll also find the following articles helpful:

  • How to get over someone you love
  • The best ways to get over a relationship and move on
  • 7-step plan to forget someone you love

You see, you’re not the only one suffering such a sense of loss. The world is full of people scouring the internet looking for help to get over an affair!

Finally

I know you’re going through a really tough time. We can all fall in love with someone else (opens in a new tab) while we’re already in a committed relationship, according to biological anthropologist Helen Fisher. It doesn’t even have to mean we’re unhappy in our primary relationship.

However, you made a choice. You pursued that relationship and kept it a secret. It’s time to end your emotional infidelity.

You know now how to end an emotional affair. You’ve got this.

Be brave, be bold and get this done. I’m rooting for you and the survival of your primary marriage or relationship.

Get a professional therapist to help you

Because you’re worthy of reliable help and support.

  • Individual online therapy
  • Online couples therapy
  • 1 live session à 45 min/week (video, voice or text)
  • Unlimited messaging
  • Change therapists with a click of a button
  • Therapy on a secure & confidential platform
  • Three subscription alternatives
  • Cancel or upgrade your subscription at any time.

Click the button and…

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Psychologist explained why people put things off until later - Moscow 24, 06/28/2021

Delaying work is not only characteristic of those who are lazy. The reasons for forced idleness are much more serious. We figured out why people put off until tomorrow what can be done today.

Photo: depositphotos/AllaSerebrina

We are not idlers!

All of us are probably familiar with those who put off cleaning, preparing projects, doing homework. Such people are called loafers and lazy people. But it turns out that the propensity to drag out important things is a completely different kind of problem. It has a beautiful name "procrastination" and is different from elementary laziness. Psychologist Eldar Osipov notes that by their nature, these two phenomena are completely different mechanisms of the psyche.

"Laziness is either an excuse for inaction, or an internal conflict. And procrastination is the protection of the psyche from overload. And it is this term that etymologically means "to put off until tomorrow," notes Eldar Osipov.

procrastinating person needs to act anyway, he knows it's important, but he doesn't dare to get started. reputation and money, and they all end up stressed.0003

The first reason is me

What prevents you from getting down to work, as they say, right off the bat? The main factors leading to procrastination are unpleasant or incomprehensible activities, perfectionism, fear of external opinion, condemnation (criticism) and fear of responsibility, says psychologist Eldar Osipov.

According to the expert, these attitudes and being in a situation "colored" by them are accompanied by a trail of toxic emotions, which, in turn, can add up to one - high-intensity background anxiety. And it can even cause a state close to panic attacks.

The specialist thinks that the list of reasons can be more, but, as a rule, people stumble over these four characteristics. Someone does not like the task, but he has no right to refuse it. Others are afraid that they will not be able to do the job perfectly, and they do not have the right to do worse, in their opinion. Still others are afraid that someone will laugh at the fruits of their labor and do not dare to start doing it. And the fourth are afraid of personal responsibility for the final result. Either way, time goes by and stress increases.

Photo: depositphotos/pressmaster

Take the load on your own

The psychologist notes that the list of technical measures convenient for independent work is small. "The main task for getting out of procrastination is to reduce the background of anxiety and general emotional stress," advises Eldar Osipov.

The specialist suggests that the technique of splitting tasks into subtasks will help a person who has reached a dead end. The main point of this technique is not to mentally cover the entire workflow from the very beginning to the final result.

You need to imagine that the goal is one small step, one point or action. After two or three of these small steps, the tension that leads to procrastination subsides. Since you have done some of the tasks, albeit in a small amount, the experiences change the intensity to moderate.

Eldar Osipov

psychologist

Experienced housewives advise not to intimidate yourself in the morning with thoughts that it will take a long and dreary time to clean the entire apartment. First, think about what you need to clean up the kitchen. Then "remember" the bathroom. When a start is made, the fear of the enormity of the task will recede. You can also change the course of action in a case that scares you. For example, if you usually start washing dishes with plates, then today let the pots be the first in line.

According to the psychologist, it happens that procrastination anxiety leads to the fact that a person takes on additional workload in order to suppress this anxiety with active activity. But this should not be done, since the disturbing background will only intensify and the experiences will take on more painful forms.

society

Procrastination tricks - how to get started

What is this webinar about?

Everyone can remember situations when urgent and important things were postponed until tomorrow, the list of reasons for not doing exceeded the checklist of tasks - at the same time it was embarrassing and very anxious. These are signs of procrastination, which is an extremely common phenomenon in our time. What is procrastination, what are its types and causes? A business coach, methodologist of educational projects, gestalt therapist told us about methods and effective strategies at a webinar within the framework of the project "Making the office mobile" Alexander Sobolev .

Procrastination is the tendency to constantly put things off until later. It manifests itself in the avoidance of making decisions, makes us put off even important and urgent things, and leads to unpleasant experiences and life problems. It can be household procrastination, when we put off daily household chores; working when we postpone, for example, writing a report or preparing a presentation; personal, when, for example, we cannot meet friends for a long time; l local, when we put off small things related to shopping, cleaning, etc.; d global if we decide to postpone vital decisions, such as a wedding or a move; and even complex when we are seen in several types of procrastination.

Procrastination also has psychological causes: fear of criticism or failure, fear of success and an excess of emotions, desire for "adrenaline", loss of interest in activities, lack of reward, inability to plan, inconsistency of the task with your desires and internal protest.

Several strategies to combat procrastination from an expert

Strategy No. 1. Developing goal-setting and planning skills

  1. Practice!
  2. Analyze your daily activities and the time you allocate to them. Estimate each of your hours in terms of money and calculate how much you lose or earn per day.
  3. Form healthy daily habits.
  4. Clean up your workspace and your records regularly.
  5. Just turn off and remove everything that can distract you from the main thing: any gadgets, objects, etc.; turn off apps and log out of social networks.

Reverse Calendar Exercise from an Expert

  • Write down the expected outcome of the task you need to complete , and deadline date .
  • Make a calendar of the task: divide it into separate steps and start writing them down in reverse order: from the end to the first step and the day it started .
  • Be sure to put rest days on this calendar .
  • Design and hang the calendar in a prominent place and strictly adhere to it.

Strategy No. 2. Awareness and "getting to know yourself"

  1. Be aware of your procrastination. Learn to notice your avoidances and defenses.
  2. Determine your true goals and desires. Listen to yourself: what do you really want?
  3. Formulate a motivation that would suit you. Determine the range of your reward needs.
  4. Discard what does not meet your goals and needs.
  5. Try to find personal meaning in those activities that you cannot refuse under any circumstances.
  6. Analyze your emotions and actions.

Exercise from an expert

  • Write down a decision you put off making , or a thing you can't get your hands on .
  • Answer the questions: “Why do I need this decision or case? What do I need it for?
  • Ask these questions again for the recorded answer .
  • Repeat this until you feel that you have found the true reason for which you are forcing yourself to do something or make a decision .
  • Think about your result. Be attentive to your feelings.

Strategy #3: Dealing with fears and negative attitudes

  1. Keep in touch with reality.
  2. Think back to your previous experiences and situations of success. Rely on these facts.
  3. Motivate yourself with simple actions and visualize a positive image of the result.
  4. Reward yourself for success.
  5. Don't blame yourself for procrastinating and don't be hard on yourself.
  6. Think about what you will do in case of failure, failure of the case or mistake in the decision, and what - in case of victory and success.

Exercise “I want!”

  • Write down a few sentences about decisions and tasks that begin with "I must / must…” .
  • Read them aloud, note your feelings.
  • Replace "I must / must..." with "I choose..." .
  • Read the resulting phrases aloud, notice your feelings .
  • Replace the words “I must / must…” with “I want…” .
  • Read the resulting phrases aloud, note your feelings .
  • Think about your result.

Strategy #4: Managing Emotions

  1. Practice focusing on the present. There is no anxiety in the here and now.
  2. Learn to recognize, differentiate and correctly name your emotions.
  3. Appreciate and respect your feelings and emotions, whatever they may be.

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