Domineering personality disorder

Signs, causes, and how to deal with them

People who are controlling try to assert power over others and control situations. In some cases, a person may adopt controlling behaviors out of anxiety because they worry that things will go wrong if they do not maintain control. In other cases, it may be to assert dominance, which is a form of abuse.

Everyone tries to control what happens in their life to a certain extent. However, when a person tries to control elements of someone else’s life, this can be damaging.

In this article, we describe the signs that a person is controlling and explain how control relates to abuse. We also look at the causes of controlling behavior and how to deal with it.

If someone tries to control situations or other people to an unhealthy extent, others may describe them as a controlling person.

They may try to control a situation by taking charge and doing everything themselves or control others through manipulation, coercion, threats, and intimidation.

People may come into contact with controlling individuals in many areas of life. These individuals can be:

partners
friends
family
bosses
coworkers
strangers
neighbors

These people may wish to control those close to them, such as their partner or family, or gain power and control over larger groups of people.

The National Domestic Violence Hotline defines abuse as behaviors that a person uses to maintain power and control over another individual. These behaviors may arise in intimate relationships but also appear in the workplace, family relationships, and friendships.

Controlling behaviors may occur in several forms of abuse, including:

Physical abuse: Any unwanted contact from someone who has the intention of causing another person injury is physical abuse.
Emotional and verbal abuse: This comes in the form of nonphysical behavior, such as insulting or threatening someone, constantly monitoring them, or trying to humiliate them.
Sexual abuse: Behaviors constitute sexual abuse if they pressure or force people into a sexual activity in which they do not want to engage.
Financial abuse: This occurs when someone attempts to control a person’s financial situation.
Digital abuse: This form of abuse uses technology, such as texting and social media, to harass or intimidate someone.
Stalking: Stalking happens when someone watches or follows a person constantly, making them feel unsafe.

Abusive behaviors that someone may use to exert control over an individual may include:

slapping, punching, kicking, biting, choking, scratching, or trying to smother a person, throwing objects at them, or pulling their hair
threatening to use weapons against them, such as knives, bats, or firearms
forcing them to use alcohol or drugs
preventing them from leaving the home or forcing them to go somewhere
calling them names, yelling or screaming at them, and criticizing them to break down their confidence

humiliating them in front of other people or using online communities to intimidate or embarrass them
acting in a possessive manner with a partner, not trusting them, and frequently accusing them of cheating
demanding to know how they spend their time, where they go, and who they have contact with
isolating them from seeing family and friends
blaming them for their abusive behaviors or telling them everything is their fault
manipulating or forcing them into having sex or performing sexual acts
giving them an allowance and monitoring their purchases
depositing paychecks to a bank account they cannot access
stopping them from going to work by taking away their mode of transport
stating who they can or cannot follow or speak with on social media
using social media or GPS technology to track their activities
pressuring them to send compromising or explicit messages, photos, or videos
constantly messaging them and making them feel as though they cannot be away from their phone
sending them unwanted messages, emails, texts, voicemails, and letters
showing up at their home or workplace uninvited

Abuse can manifest in many ways, and more than one type of abusive behavior often occurs in an abusive relationship.

Several underlying factors may drive controlling behavior, such as:

Anxiety: For some people, attempting to control certain situations is a way of coping with anxiety. Treating anxiety or the underlying condition causing it may improve their controlling behavior.
Personality disorders: Some personality disorders, such as borderline personality disorder (BPD) and narcissistic personality disorder (NPD), may increase the chances of someone using controlling behavior.
Learned behavior: A person may have learned controlling behavior and other forms of abuse from other people. For example, they may have grown up in a family with domestic violence or intimate partner violence or learned from caregivers to try to exert power over their partner.

It is crucial to note that although mental health conditions and past trauma can contribute to controlling behavior, they can never justify abuse.

Strategies for dealing with controlling people depend on whether the behavior is abusive and whether it occurs at home or in the workplace.

If the behavior is not abusive, it may be best to begin by discussing it with the person. However, confronting a person with abusive behavior may flare up the situation and potentially be dangerous.

Communicate

A person can try communicating with a controlling person by:

using “I” statements, such as “I feel hurt,” to speak in a way that reduces feelings of blame
discussing ways to divide responsibilities or share control
offering alternative courses of action to replace the behavior, such as making plans together rather than the person making plans for them

If, after speaking calmly and openly with someone, they do not listen and continue the controlling behavior, a person may need to consider distancing themselves from the individual.

Set boundaries

It is impossible to influence how someone else behaves completely, but people can be clear about the treatment they expect and how they will respond if someone crosses the line.

A person needs to set boundaries, assertively share what they want with another individual, and say “no” when they are unwilling to do something. By setting boundaries, a person regains control and clarifies what they will and will not tolerate.

Choose a response

When someone is controlling, a person can respond in various ways to diffuse the situation. These include:

Ignoring them and walking away: If a person is trying to humiliate someone, quietly walking away will draw attention to their dysfunctional behavior rather than indulging them.
Creating a distraction or changing the subject: If a controlling person uses long, rehearsed speeches to wear a person down, interrupting them will make it more difficult for them to return to where they left off.
Asking them a question: If someone views a situation as only being able to go the way they want or the complete opposite, it can help to ask a question. A question can reinforce that there are more than two options available.
Counteracting with reason: If a parent uses the fact that they gave birth to someone as a way to control them, the person could ignore the attempt at guilt tripping and counteract with logic rather than emotion. They could remind the parent that people never have to do anything and have the right to choose.
Acknowledging their fear: If a controlling person is jealous about someone’s relationship with another friend, it may be helpful to respond directly to their fear of abandonment. Acknowledging their fear that the person will leave them for someone else and discussing the topic may prevent them from making envious comments in the future.

Create a safety plan

If someone feels unsafe due to a person’s controlling, abusive behavior, they should consider developing a safety plan. A safety plan can help them safely leave the situation and lower their risk of being hurt.

According to the Office on Women’s Health, a safety plan may involve:

identifying friends and family members to contact for help
identifying exit points and safe places to go
keeping an alternative prepaid cellphone nearby
memorizing the phone numbers of trusted family members, friends, or shelters
making a list of items or documents to take when leaving quickly
checking with a doctor about how to gain access to extra, medically necessary items for themselves or their children
getting information on the local family court in case they require a restraining order
collecting evidence of abuse or violence, if it is safe to do so

The National Domestic Violence Hotline provides an interactive guide to safety planning, and the Office on Women’s Health details what to include in a safety packing list.

Emotional and verbal abuse can sometimes escalate to physical abuse, so a person must know the warning signs that a situation could become threatening.

Signs that a relationship has become dangerous include the person:

displaying physically intimidating behaviors, such as punching walls, throwing objects, or breaking a person’s belongings
using weapons to intimidate
harming or threatening to harm pets or children
threatening self-harm, violence, or death to get what they want

Everyone has the right to feel safe. Anyone experiencing abuse should seek help to keep themselves and their loved ones safe.

Various helplines, support groups, counselors, therapists, and other resources are available to ensure that people can find safety and recover.

If you or someone you know is in immediate danger of domestic violence, call 911 or otherwise seek emergency help. Anyone who needs advice or support can contact the National Domestic Violence Hotline 24/7 via:

phone, at 800-799-7233
live chat, at thehotline.org
text, by texting LOVEIS to 22522

Many other resources are available, including helplines, in-person support, and temporary housing. People can find local resources and others classified by demographics, such as support specifically for People of Color, here:

The Office on Women’s Health
The National Coalition Against Domestic Violence

To a degree, everyone wants to control what happens to them. However, if a person needs to control every part of their routine, situation, or environment, they may have anxiety or a mental health condition.

When someone tries to control or manipulate others, this can be a form of abuse.

It may be possible for a controlling person to change their behavior over time with psychotherapy if a relationship is unhealthy and not abusive. However, if a relationship involves abuse, a person’s behavior could escalate to physical violence.

It is important for people living with a controlling or abusive person to create a safety plan to protect themselves. A safety plan can help them leave a threatening situation safely and be more independent once they have left.

Signs, causes, and how to deal with them

Everyone tries to control what happens in their life to a certain extent. However, when a person tries to control elements of someone else’s life, this can be damaging.

In this article, we describe the signs that a person is controlling and explain how control relates to abuse. We also look at the causes of controlling behavior and how to deal with it.

If someone tries to control situations or other people to an unhealthy extent, others may describe them as a controlling person.

They may try to control a situation by taking charge and doing everything themselves or control others through manipulation, coercion, threats, and intimidation.

People may come into contact with controlling individuals in many areas of life. These individuals can be:

partners
friends
family
bosses
coworkers
strangers
neighbors

These people may wish to control those close to them, such as their partner or family, or gain power and control over larger groups of people.

Controlling behaviors may occur in several forms of abuse, including:

Physical abuse: Any unwanted contact from someone who has the intention of causing another person injury is physical abuse.
Emotional and verbal abuse: This comes in the form of nonphysical behavior, such as insulting or threatening someone, constantly monitoring them, or trying to humiliate them.
Sexual abuse: Behaviors constitute sexual abuse if they pressure or force people into a sexual activity in which they do not want to engage.
Financial abuse: This occurs when someone attempts to control a person’s financial situation.
Digital abuse: This form of abuse uses technology, such as texting and social media, to harass or intimidate someone.
Stalking: Stalking happens when someone watches or follows a person constantly, making them feel unsafe.

Abusive behaviors that someone may use to exert control over an individual may include:

slapping, punching, kicking, biting, choking, scratching, or trying to smother a person, throwing objects at them, or pulling their hair
threatening to use weapons against them, such as knives, bats, or firearms
forcing them to use alcohol or drugs
preventing them from leaving the home or forcing them to go somewhere
calling them names, yelling or screaming at them, and criticizing them to break down their confidence
humiliating them in front of other people or using online communities to intimidate or embarrass them
acting in a possessive manner with a partner, not trusting them, and frequently accusing them of cheating
demanding to know how they spend their time, where they go, and who they have contact with
isolating them from seeing family and friends
blaming them for their abusive behaviors or telling them everything is their fault
manipulating or forcing them into having sex or performing sexual acts
giving them an allowance and monitoring their purchases
depositing paychecks to a bank account they cannot access
stopping them from going to work by taking away their mode of transport
stating who they can or cannot follow or speak with on social media
using social media or GPS technology to track their activities
pressuring them to send compromising or explicit messages, photos, or videos
constantly messaging them and making them feel as though they cannot be away from their phone
sending them unwanted messages, emails, texts, voicemails, and letters
showing up at their home or workplace uninvited

Abuse can manifest in many ways, and more than one type of abusive behavior often occurs in an abusive relationship.

Several underlying factors may drive controlling behavior, such as:

Anxiety: For some people, attempting to control certain situations is a way of coping with anxiety. Treating anxiety or the underlying condition causing it may improve their controlling behavior.
Personality disorders: Some personality disorders, such as borderline personality disorder (BPD) and narcissistic personality disorder (NPD), may increase the chances of someone using controlling behavior.
Learned behavior: A person may have learned controlling behavior and other forms of abuse from other people. For example, they may have grown up in a family with domestic violence or intimate partner violence or learned from caregivers to try to exert power over their partner.

It is crucial to note that although mental health conditions and past trauma can contribute to controlling behavior, they can never justify abuse.

Strategies for dealing with controlling people depend on whether the behavior is abusive and whether it occurs at home or in the workplace.

If the behavior is not abusive, it may be best to begin by discussing it with the person. However, confronting a person with abusive behavior may flare up the situation and potentially be dangerous.

Communicate

A person can try communicating with a controlling person by:

using “I” statements, such as “I feel hurt,” to speak in a way that reduces feelings of blame
discussing ways to divide responsibilities or share control
offering alternative courses of action to replace the behavior, such as making plans together rather than the person making plans for them

If, after speaking calmly and openly with someone, they do not listen and continue the controlling behavior, a person may need to consider distancing themselves from the individual.

Set boundaries

It is impossible to influence how someone else behaves completely, but people can be clear about the treatment they expect and how they will respond if someone crosses the line.

Choose a response

When someone is controlling, a person can respond in various ways to diffuse the situation. These include:

Ignoring them and walking away: If a person is trying to humiliate someone, quietly walking away will draw attention to their dysfunctional behavior rather than indulging them.
Creating a distraction or changing the subject: If a controlling person uses long, rehearsed speeches to wear a person down, interrupting them will make it more difficult for them to return to where they left off.
Asking them a question: If someone views a situation as only being able to go the way they want or the complete opposite, it can help to ask a question. A question can reinforce that there are more than two options available.
Counteracting with reason: If a parent uses the fact that they gave birth to someone as a way to control them, the person could ignore the attempt at guilt tripping and counteract with logic rather than emotion. They could remind the parent that people never have to do anything and have the right to choose.
Acknowledging their fear: If a controlling person is jealous about someone’s relationship with another friend, it may be helpful to respond directly to their fear of abandonment. Acknowledging their fear that the person will leave them for someone else and discussing the topic may prevent them from making envious comments in the future.

Create a safety plan

According to the Office on Women’s Health, a safety plan may involve:

identifying friends and family members to contact for help
identifying exit points and safe places to go
keeping an alternative prepaid cellphone nearby
memorizing the phone numbers of trusted family members, friends, or shelters
making a list of items or documents to take when leaving quickly
checking with a doctor about how to gain access to extra, medically necessary items for themselves or their children
getting information on the local family court in case they require a restraining order
collecting evidence of abuse or violence, if it is safe to do so

The National Domestic Violence Hotline provides an interactive guide to safety planning, and the Office on Women’s Health details what to include in a safety packing list.

Emotional and verbal abuse can sometimes escalate to physical abuse, so a person must know the warning signs that a situation could become threatening.

Signs that a relationship has become dangerous include the person:

displaying physically intimidating behaviors, such as punching walls, throwing objects, or breaking a person’s belongings
using weapons to intimidate
harming or threatening to harm pets or children
threatening self-harm, violence, or death to get what they want

Everyone has the right to feel safe. Anyone experiencing abuse should seek help to keep themselves and their loved ones safe.

Various helplines, support groups, counselors, therapists, and other resources are available to ensure that people can find safety and recover.

phone, at 800-799-7233
live chat, at thehotline.org
text, by texting LOVEIS to 22522

The Office on Women’s Health
The National Coalition Against Domestic Violence

When someone tries to control or manipulate others, this can be a form of abuse.

Personality disorder | The CALDA Clinic

Personality Disorder Treatment

Eccentric like Madonna, narcissistic like Donald Trump, or indefatigable like David Beckham, it's not just celebrities who have strong personality traits. Personality disorders affect a relatively large portion of the general population. Based on scientific research, experts estimate that between five and 12 percent of people have some kind of personality disorder.

Every person is unique

A person's personality is made up of all his psychological and physical characteristics. Different characteristics and composition of personality traits distinguish people from each other and determine the corresponding individual experience and behavior of each person.

Some of these characteristics and traits, such as temperament or appearance, are genetically determined and brought into the world by every individual. External influences such as experience, upbringing, climate, environment, etc. , influence these characteristics throughout life.

Influences in early childhood and adolescence have the greatest effect on personality development.

What is a personality disorder?

A personality disorder is defined as a person's behavior over a long period of time (usually from childhood to adolescence) that deviates significantly from the norm in comparable situations, ie. the behavior of most other people in a given social circle.

A rigid, unadapted and inflexible pattern of behavior is considered typical of a personality disorder. Even when the consequences of such behavior have pronounced negative consequences for the individual, the patterns always repeat in the same way.

As a consequence, people with a personality disorder are unable to learn from their own mistakes so that they can change their behavior accordingly. This often leads to conflicts, as well as constant failure in the same situations. The resulting feelings of misunderstanding, dissatisfaction, self-abasement and suffering also impair the quality of life.

There are different types of personality disorders

Depending on which parts of the personality structure are especially pronounced, personality disorders are divided into certain types. However, the boundaries between individual types are fuzzy, so overlap often occurs. Consequently, we avoid diagnosing personality disorders and prefer to talk about personality traits.

Types of personality disorder:

-emotionally unstable (border) personality disorder

-personality disorder

-dependent (asthenic) personality disorder

-compulsive personality disorder (OKRL)

9000 Avoidant personality disorder

- Hysterical (assertive) personality disorder

- Passive-aggressive (negativistic) personality disorder

Emotionally unstable personality disorder

Emotionally unstable personality disorder is characterized by a sharp change in feelings and emotions. Such people usually suffer from a lack of or greatly reduced impulse control. This leads to problems in controlling and regulating internal tension, with corresponding outbursts of anger or self-destructive behavior. In an emotionally unstable personality disorder, an impulsive form and a borderline type are distinguished.

Symptoms of an emotionally unstable personality disorder

Typical signs of an emotionally unstable personality disorder, especially of the impulsive type, are:

Often reckless, impulsive, uncontrolled actions without deliberation.
Confident readiness for conflict.

Borderline personality disorder is apparently more complex and, in addition to the characteristics of the impulsive type, presents with a number of other symptoms, such as

Unstable, rapidly changing emotional state: hatred, love, anger, sadness and fear quickly interchange.
Self-harm (for example, burning or cutting the skin with a razor) to increase self-esteem.
Self-image is broken.
Many have a constant feeling of inner emptiness.
Self-abasement and self-hatred.
Pronounced states of tension and anxiety.
Unstable, tense relations.
Strong fear of being abandoned.
High-risk behavior that could result in serious injury or death.
Suicidal thoughts and suicide attempts.

Narcissistic personality disorder

Narcissistic personality disorder is characterized by severe impairment of self-esteem and extreme sensitivity to criticism. To compensate for these annihilating feelings, people with this disorder outwardly show themselves to be exaggeratedly boastful and self-righteous, to the point of megalomania. They require excessive attention, approval and recognition from others. However, they show little empathy in response. To achieve their own goals, they are also ready to exploit, lie and manipulate others. This often leads to major conflicts in the interpersonal sphere.

Symptoms of narcissistic personality disorder

Signs suggestive of narcissistic personality disorder include:

Excessive egocentrism and categorically selfish behavior.
Inflated sense of self-importance, uniqueness and power.
Greed for recognition and admiration.
Exploitation of others for one's own purposes.
Lack of empathy.
Extremely arrogant and domineering behavior.

Dependent (asthenic) personality disorder

Asthenic or dependent personality disorder is said to be when a person has an excessive need for care. At the same time, there is often a strong fear of being abandoned. To avoid this by all means, such people are also ready to give up their independence.

Symptoms of dependent (asthenic) personality disorder

Typical characteristics that may indicate dependent personality disorder are:

Low self-confidence
Submissiveness
Clinging behavior
Feeling of complete helplessness in solitude
Pronounced adaptation to the needs of others
Shyness in taking responsibility and own decisions
Frequent depressive mood
Weak initiative
Strong separation anxiety
Exaggerated fear of being alone

Obsessive Compulsive Personality Disorder (OCPD)

People with Obsessive Compulsive Personality Disorder act in an overly conscientious manner in accordance with rigid predetermined rules, orders and concepts. Actions are often repeatedly checked in detail for possible errors, which clearly comes at the expense of flexibility and, above all, efficiency.

Behind this is the fear of making a mistake. Since everything is checked and rechecked again and again, such people take too much time even for simple routine tasks. In order to get the job done, they often sacrifice their free time and neglect their own hobbies and needs. As a result, they often lack the necessary balance and relaxation.

Symptoms of obsessive-compulsive personality disorder (OCPD)

Obsessive-compulsive personality disorder is often characterized by the following symptoms:

observed.
Excessive perfectionism interferes with productive work. Due to constant rechecking, tasks are often not completed.
The work of others is fundamentally distrustful. This makes communication and task delegation extremely difficult or impossible.
In general, very inflexible and intolerant individuals, often not allowing other opinions and values than their own.
They often have "black and white" thinking.

Avoidant personality disorder

With avoidant personality disorder, patients suffer from constant self-doubt. They see themselves as clumsy and inferior, which leads to extreme self-doubt. As a result, they avoid any contacts and situations in which they may be at risk of being criticized. Therefore, they only go on dates, attend events, and even accept job offers if they are confident that they will receive affection, recognition, and praise. In the end, this leads to the fact that they live in social isolation, although they would like to contact society.

Symptoms of avoidant personality disorder

The following symptoms are typical of avoidant (anxious) personality disorder:

Low self-esteem.
Consider themselves inadequate, clumsy and inferior compared to others.
Extreme sensitivity to criticism or negative judgments.
Seeking social interaction but avoiding it due to excessive fear of possible criticism.
Marked reluctance to interact with unfamiliar groups, people and new situations for fear of making a fool of oneself.
Restraint even in the intimate relationship of a couple.
Career opportunities or new romantic relationships are also rejected for fear of possible rejection or criticism.

Hysterical (assertive) personality disorder

"A strong desire for recognition" is a characteristic feature of hysterical personality disorder. People with this personality trait have a constant need to be the center of attention. To this end, they often dress, put on make-up and/or behave in a particularly flashy and inappropriate way, exaggerated, provocative and/or extremely seductive. As "drama queens", they use every opportunity to express themselves and theatrically beat even minor events.

Symptoms of hysterical (assertive) personality disorder

Strong desire for self-assertion.
Exaggerated emotional behavior towards the outside world.
Strongly egocentric or selfish traits.
Externally expressive, but internally superficial and often chaotic emotional world.
Easily influenced.
Visually provocative or highly seductive self-presentation.
Very haughty.
Problems with forming deep and long-term relationships.

Passive-aggressive (negativistic) personality disorder

Passive-aggressive personality disorder is mainly manifested by an overall very negative attitude and passive resistance to the wishes and requests of others, especially authority figures. Unloved tasks are not rejected outright, but rather ignored through extreme delays, slowdowns, rescheduling, or repeated "forgetting". Such people are extremely quarrelsome and often feel mistreated, misunderstood, and blamed on others. In the world of work, as well as in family and relationships, this often leads to quarrels and extreme tension that cannot be resolved.

Symptoms of passive-aggressive (negativistic) personality disorder

Frequent complaints of misunderstanding and unfair treatment.
Predominantly short-tempered and grumpy character.
Usually they see themselves as a victim, they show anger and envy of everyone else who is supposedly more fortunate than them.
React to superior figures with inappropriate criticism and contempt.
Purposefully use procrastination, "forgetting", or working very slowly as a procrastination tactic to avoid completing tasks.
Get offended by suggestions from others to improve work processes.

How do personality disorders develop?

Personality disorders usually develop in early childhood and adolescence, when the young person is still heavily dependent on the protection and care of parents or other caregivers. They usually develop in close association with negative and stressful experiences such as parental separation and/or divorce, death or loss of a caregiver, neglect, harsh role models, abuse, sexual abuse, abuse, emotional coldness, humiliation, etc. , which cause great fear and strong insecurity, and can also lead to irreversible changes in brain structures.

This, in turn, affects the individual's experience of feelings, self-image, how to communicate with people, and forms behaviors that help protect oneself from frequent major psychological trauma in relevant situations.

These survival behaviors are usually deeply ingrained and often unconsciously carried over into later adulthood. Although they are no longer needed there and usually get in the way or almost always cause big problems, there is no way to stop them.

Personality disorders: Common comorbidities and secondary conditions

Personality disorders almost never occur in isolation and almost always coexist with other mental illnesses and other personality traits. Common comorbid, underlying, or secondary personality disorders are, among others:

-Depression

-Employee depreciation ("burnt out at work")

-Anxiety disorder

- Post Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD)

- Eating disorders

- Addiction

- Obsessive Compulsive Disorder

- Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder

What treatment helps with personality disorders?

Since personality disorders usually develop in early childhood and are deeply rooted, people suffering from personality disorders, unlike other mental illnesses, often perceive them as part of their identity. Therefore, they often do not recognize the need for treatment. It is not uncommon for a doctor to be consulted only because of other comorbidities and secondary illnesses such as depression or addiction.

Today, however, personality disorders can be treated very successfully. Classical medicine prescribes various psychotherapeutic procedures, as well as medication. But such treatment can be very long.

Particularly effective: Comprehensive therapy according to the CALDA concept

With the CALDA concept, which is individually tailored to your needs and works in a holistic way, we offer you an alternative that works extremely effectively and with which you can achieve amazing results in a relatively short time. time!

CALDA Concept: Let me help you!

As a client of the CALDA clinic, you will receive an individual therapy tailored to your needs in accordance with the CALDA concept. This is an individually designed and highly effective therapy focused on a comprehensive approach. Science-based classical medicine and hypnotherapy are combined with proven healing methods from complementary medicine, traditional Chinese medicine (TCM) and orthomolecular medicine.

Your benefits: Treatment with the CALDA concept works very effectively at different levels and is highly solution oriented. As a result, quite amazing results can be achieved in a short time - and usually without the use of drugs!

CALDA Concept

Guiding Principles and Promise to You:

We treat the causes, not the symptoms!

We try to avoid psychotropic drugs whenever possible!

We dedicate our time and all our know-how exclusively to one customer.

The CALDA concept: The basis of every treatment is a correct diagnosis

The basis of every treatment using the CALDA concept is a comprehensive and very detailed diagnosis. Only in this way can the root causes and correlations of diseases that otherwise often remain hidden can be accurately identified and cured.

CALDA Concept: Our experience for your health!

You can read all about the CALDA concept and its benefits here.

You can also find detailed information about the different programs of the CALDA Clinic here.

If you exhibit strong personality traits, we encourage you to participate in the full CALDA program.

I don't want to decide anything. How dependent personality disorder manifests itself - Daria Varlamova - Psychology - Site materials - Snob

“Dependent personality disorder should not be confused with addiction - addiction to drugs, alcohol, gambling, etc. - explains psychotherapist Denis Bukin. “But this is exactly the case when the similarity in the name betrays the similarity in essence. It is indeed common for people with an addictive disorder to become alcoholics or drug addicts, whether they use psychoactive substances themselves or are married to an alcoholic or drug addict. It remains to be seen which is worse, but an addicted woman feels more confident when she lives with an alcoholic. Firstly, she is afraid of independence, which means it is better with an alcoholic than alone. Secondly, no one needs an alcoholic anymore, he won’t leave for another. However, the same applies to wives whose husbands show aggression and violence in the family: most often, the same dependent women turn out to be victims of domestic tyrants.

People with dependent personality disorder are weak-willed, passive and long for an alliance with a strong person who will decide everything for them. Not always uncertainty in one's abilities reaches the stage of personality disorder - often these traits are present only at the level of accentuation (that is, a certain bias in character, noticeable, but not much hindering adaptation in society). The difference between a healthy person who is prone to excessive dependence on others and a person with a personality disorder is, unfortunately, largely subjective, unlike many other disorders where diagnostic criteria are more clearly expressed.

In addition, society's notion of the distribution of gender roles plays an important role here. A woman who, from the point of view of the Eastern patriarchal society, is quite mentally healthy and functions perfectly, may turn out to be completely unadapted to life in a country where gender equality operates.

If we begin to analyze the situation from a sociocultural point of view, the age-old question about the chicken and the egg pops up: is it society that breeds women who tend to rely on a strong male shoulder in all incomprehensible situations, or women with such a temperament help to form and maintain the patriarchal system and erect weakness into a cult.

Most likely, the process goes both ways. One way or another, this type of personality disorder is found somewhat more often in women, although it has not been proven that this is an objective biological difference, and not a consequence of social norms: after all, a man who declares: “I am a boy, I don’t want to decide anything” is condemned will be much more likely than a woman with a similar attitude.

For a person to be diagnosed with dependent personality disorder, they must have at least three of the following symptoms.

The desire to pass on to others most of the important decisions in life. Next to such a person, there is usually a parent or spouse who dictates to him which university to enter, what job to get, and what choice to make in any critical situations.
It is very difficult to receive guardianship and care from others and at the same time retain the ability to defend one's own point of view: few people will agree to babysit an adult who also argues. Therefore, the second important sign of a dependent person is inadequate subordination of one's needs to the needs of others. “Anxiety is a constant companion of a dependent disorder,” emphasizes Denis Bukin. - Afraid of being alone, a person passively accepts any circumstances of life, if only someone was nearby. If he ever had his own interests, he had long forgotten about them. Because if he declares his desires, what if he gets fired?! Will the husband leave? Will the parents turn away? So gradually a dependent person is at first afraid to talk about his desires, and then loses the very ability to desire anything.
Unwillingness to make even reasonable demands on people on whom the individual is dependent - the person is so afraid of being left "unattended" that he avoids any disputes that, in his opinion, may cause conflict.
Feeling uncomfortable or helpless in being alone due to excessive fear of not being able to live independently. Such a person will tolerate even the most unpleasant relatives or neighbors for the sake of the opportunity to ask for advice or get help in everyday life. If such a person is faced with some everyday problem, he will most likely start to panic and call his acquaintances instead of, for example, looking for a solution on the Internet.
Strong fear of being abandoned. It is clear that no one likes this, and in the vast majority of cases, this affects self-esteem to one degree or another. But for an addict, “I can’t do without him” is not an exaggeration at the peak of emotions, but a completely normal assessment of their chances of survival.
Limited ability to make everyday decisions without constant advice and encouragement from others. This is not about existential dilemmas like “To be or not to be?”, But about the simplest things like “Which T-shirt to wear today?” or “Which dessert to choose from the restaurant menu?” - in such situations, a person can freeze so much that, for example, he will be late for an important event.

Plus, a person's condition must meet the general criteria for a personality disorder: that is, he must be chronically prone to an abnormal style of behavior, this must cause disharmony and stress in various areas of life and interfere with effective work and building relationships with society.

According to a number of symptoms, dependent disorder can be confused with borderline: both patients are very afraid of being abandoned and react inadequately, as soon as they suspect their neighbors of the intention to get rid of them. But there is a difference: for the “border guard”, the fear of loneliness will manifest itself in anger and a feeling of emptiness. At the same time, he can act in different ways - he can preventively begin to ask for forgiveness for all imaginary sins, or he can lash out with reproaches or even provoke a break himself first. A person with a dependent personality type usually accepts such a prospect more humbly, but immediately begins to look for new co-dependent relationships.

Where does it come from

“Any personality disorder is a “way of living”, which, on the one hand, appears due to innate inclinations, and on the other hand, is assimilated as a lifestyle in the parental family,” says Denis Bukin. - There is no generally accepted opinion about the causes of addictive disorder: physiologists talk about the features of the brain, psychoanalysts - about family relationships. Most likely, both of these factors are combined. Children with a weak nervous system are more likely to acquire dependent personality disorder. However, the attitude of parents to a small child is no less important.

If the mother does not show enough warmth and care for the baby or treats him unevenly, the child begins to fear that he will be abandoned. Over time, the fear of being abandoned takes possession of the psyche and takes root in habitual behavior: the baby begins to believe that you can’t upset your parents with your desires, you have to be good, that is, obey them in everything. On the other hand, authoritarian overprotection can also form traits of a dependent character - with a domineering parent, a child understands that everything he needs will definitely be, the main thing is not to take the initiative, calmly accept someone else's care and not contradict the all-powerful elders. Later, the dominant role is occupied by the spouse, the boss, and maybe the teenage leader or the head of the gang. Yes, the fate of addicts is often determined by the environment in which they find themselves. In a class consisting entirely of "nerds", they will become executive smart girls, in the criminal community - thieves on the sidelines.

What to do?

As with many personality disorders, medication does not work (unless there are underlying problems like depression or anxiety that can be treated with chemo). In such cases, psychotherapy helps. The choice of method depends on what the patient wants to achieve: cognitive behavioral therapy (CBT) is good because it helps to quickly (in a few months) change behavior for the better and increase the patient's adaptability to life, but it does not provide great insights and a look deep into the problem . Psychoanalysis and psychodynamic therapy are more suitable for those who want to understand themselves in detail, talk about childhood traumas and, ideally, achieve some deeper internal transformations. The disadvantage of these methods is that the process takes much longer, and the quality of internal changes is difficult to formally measure - therefore, from the point of view of evidence-based medicine, CBT is most often ahead of other methods in terms of effectiveness. But the selection of a psychotherapist is a purely personal story, and it is impossible to say in advance that this or that method will help with a guarantee: you need to look for and try what suits you.

“Dependent personality disorder can be corrected in psychotherapy, but there are nuances,” says Denis Bukin. - Addicts are willing to work with a psychologist because ... they like to depend on an intelligent authority figure. And this is the main trap to avoid. The therapist must constantly be aware of the role that is being imposed on him, and his attitude towards it, and not try to "save" the addict. Directive methods that involve subordinating the client to the psychologist also do not work well with addicts, they only reinforce the feeling of helplessness in patients. The main thing that needs to be done during the correction is to increase self-esteem to an adequate level, step by step to be convinced together with the client of his abilities and virtues and bring him to the realization that the fear behind the inability to defend one's interests has no basis.

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