Signs of jealous
How to Spot the Signs of Jealousy or Envy
Written by WebMD Editorial Contributors
Medically Reviewed by Dan Brennan, MD on December 05, 2020
In this Article
- What Is Jealousy and Envy?
- Signs of Jealousy and Envy
- Living With Jealous or Envious Thoughts
You may have heard people describe someone as “green with envy.” This phrase dates back to the ancient Greeks, who believed jealousy could trigger bile production and turn skin slightly green, a sign of sickness. Jealousy is sometimes referred to as “a green-eyed monster.” It was Shakespeare’s character Iago that first muttered the phrase in Othello.
Although many people use the words “jealousy” and “envy” interchangeably, there is a difference between them. What is that difference, and how can you tell if you or someone you know is experiencing them? Learn the differences and steps to take if you’re in a situation around jealousy or envy.
What Is Jealousy and Envy?
Envy is wanting what someone else has. You might see a neighbor with a new car or a coworker get a new job and desire the same. You might feel a sense of resentment toward the individual for attaining something you want but have yet to achieve.
Jealousy is more about holding onto something you already have. You might experience jealousy in a relationship when you perceive a threat or worry that the relationship is changing in a negative way.
While these emotions are easy to define and often easy to recognize, they can be difficult to control.
Signs of Jealousy and Envy
Jealousy is typically thought of in terms of relationships, especially with partners. Envy is more associated with desiring what someone else has or has achieved.
Signs of Jealousy
Trust is an important aspect of any relationship. When you are feeling jealous, a lack of trust can lead to negative thoughts. Signs that you might be jealous are:
- You don’t trust your partner when you’re not together.
- You get concerned when they mention other people.
- You constantly check their social media to see what they’re doing.
- You think they’re cheating on you.
- You’re attempting to control your partner’s behavior.
If you’re the target of jealousy, you may feel like someone (usually a partner or friend) is trying to control your life. They might do things such as check up on you, try to tell you what to do (or not do) and how to act, or limit your contact with friends and coworkers.
Signs of Envy
Healthy competition between people can be good, but when you’re feeling unhappy when others achieve success or feel the need to constantly one-up their accomplishments, you may be experiencing envy. Signs of envy include:
- You aren’t happy for others when they achieve success.
- Another person’s success makes you feel unhappy.
- You feel the need to diminish someone else’s success.
- You judge others negatively.
- You’re happy when others face setbacks.
The rise of social media has been documented to trigger envy and lower mental well-being in some people. As friends post pictures of their best moments in life, it can trigger feelings of inadequacy or regret in others. These can be powerful emotions.
Living With Jealous or Envious Thoughts
Just about everyone feels jealous or envious once in a while. However, when these emotions start to become overwhelming, it can trigger concerns about inadequacy or feeling ill will toward others. It can also bring about symptoms of stress. In some cases, it can lead to depression in some cases.
Extreme Jealousy Can Be a Cause for Concern
Extreme jealousy is listed as one of the warning signs of domestic violence and abuse. If you’re the target of intimidation in a relationship or worried about your partner becoming angry or violent, get to a safe place and then reach out for help.
Use These Emotions in a Positive Way
As difficult as it might be to believe, jealousy and envy can also have a positive impact.
When you recognize jealous or envious feelings, it can be a sign that you need to change.
For example, if you want that new car, you may realize you need to make changes in your spending or savings habits to get it. If you’re jealous of a coworker because they have a better relationship with the boss and you worry that may impact your job, you might try to develop your relationship with your manager.
Practice Gratitude
When you’re feeling these strong emotions, it can help to pause for a moment and reflect on the positive things in your life. Gratitude can mitigate these emotions and help you overcome any negative feelings by recognizing the positive things in your life.
It’s not uncommon to have these feelings. Almost everybody has tinges of jealousy or feels envious from time to time. Recognizing the signs of jealousy and envy can help you control your emotions so they don’t escalate or negatively impact your life.
If you’re starting to feel like jealousy or envy are affecting your mood or you’re worried about the consequences of these feelings, talk to your doctor.
How To Tell If Someone Is Jealous Of You – 14 Signs
Jealousy is a relationship-killer. The signs of jealousy are not always prominent. Sometimes, you cannot understand why a person is being mean to you. One of the reasons could be jealousy. If you have been doing good in life, are successful, rich, or famous, or have something that someone else wants, they could become jealous. Jealousy is not a pleasant feeling. Unfortunately, it is an emotion that we all experience. If you think someone is jealous, figure out what is triggering it. Learn to spot the signs to deal with them. This article lists the common signs of jealousy. Read on!
In This Article
How To Tell If Someone Is Jealous Of You
Shutterstock
1. Jealous People Ply You With Insincere Compliments And False Praises
One thing that jealous people never want to admit is that they are jealous of you. When good news comes in, they do the sneaky thing by acting overly supportive and giving you insincere compliments.
Once they are in the clear, the claws come out.
An insecure person would praise you when you are in front of them but would tell lies or gossip about you behind your back. This is passive-aggressive behavior. Be careful of such people; they are two-faced. In fact, you hardly stand any chance of exposing their real nature. That is why you should always pay close attention to what you confide in others. Check in with your buddies if you feel someone has been talking trash about you behind your back.
When someone is jealous of you, they often pause for a long silent moment before congratulating you or telling you that you have done a great job. That reaction is caused due to their secret envy of your success.
2. Jealous People Are Excellent Copycats
Although some people believe that copycat behavior is often a sign of flattery, it is not always the case, psychologists tell us. Someone who is envious of you may also try to mimic your behavior and imitate every single thing you do.
They could go as far as copying hairstyles, dressing, walking, and talking the same way you do. Even if you find it flattering at first, sooner or later, it will start to get really irritating. The best you can do in this situation is to try not to pay a lot of attention to the copycat.
Jealous people are obsessed with what you have – and they want it. For jealous individuals, it is like a game of “who wore it better.” Expect those people to imitate you in many different ways. If you often get all the attention, they will imitate your fashion style and add their own little flair to it. If you are a good dancer, they may take up dance classes as well. It can seem like a good thing if they behave this way, but they are actually just obsessing over you. It is most likely that they don’t even like you or the things they copy from you.
3. They Flaunt Their Successes, Often More Than Their Actual Merit
Shutterstock
While you may be too humble to voice or enjoy your achievements, jealous people often try to make themselves feel better by drowning out your achievements by overemphasizing their own.
This will happen even if their achievements are way smaller in comparison to yours.
Most often, when jealous people achieve success in anything, they will try to make the whole world aware of it. They will openly flaunt their successes. Usually, people who behave this way are extremely envious of others’ achievements and are terribly insecure. They would do anything and everything to prove that they are worth at least as much, if not more.
4. Jealous People Deliberately Give Bad Advice
Since jealous people don’t want you to add more achievements to your kitty, they sabotage your attempts purposely by giving you bad advice. Or they may just simply discourage you from even trying.
Remember, what they truly want in life is for you to fail. If you ask someone who is jealous of you for advice about a problem, they may deliberately give you bad advice. The logic is, if they are already jealous of you right now, they are not likely to tell you how you can do better.
They may even make it their life’s mission to discourage you from trying new things. If you are excited about a plan you made, they will be the first one to point out any conceivable flaws in it, just to deflate your dream balloon.
5. Jealous People Love To Dish The Dirt On You
Research has shown that people who gossip a lot have very high levels of aggression, anxiety, or are immensely unhappy. They gossip more than others because they want to feel superior even though they are extremely insecure about themselves. They aren’t, in fact, confident in themselves.
People who are jealous of you could try to ruin your reputation by spreading false rumors or making negative comments about you to others. Jealous people are often non-confrontational. They may even come across as super-friendly; they fight their fight against you underhandedly. They will downplay your achievements, spread malicious gossip about you, or just talk crap regarding you behind your back.
6.
They Are Very CompetitiveAs we mentioned before, it is a jealous person’s nature to try to outdo you in every way possible. They want to steal all the glory – not because they think that you don’t deserve it, but because they know you do and this makes them feel inadequate. Due to this, they are extremely competitive (1), especially if it is at the workplace. They will go to any lengths to exceed the efforts you make.
While it could be extremely tempting to confront them, you need to refuse to make the competition unhealthy. Refusing to be a part of their cat and mouse game will make them less likely to try to compete with you. Do your best to foster an environment of cooperation and collaboration instead of competing.
7. Jealous People Will Criticize You
Have you ever met someone who criticizes you at every chance they get? Does it almost seem like they look forward to it? Yes, it is very likely that this person harbors jealousy towards you.
An average person will drop some criticism at you at some point, but jealous people will make a career out of it.
They will point out your mistakes every chance they get and enjoy doing it. They may even do so in the most inappropriate of times and embarrass you in public.
8. Jealous People Tend To Cross Their Legs
According to a body language expert, a person may cross their legs for a lot of reasons. This is quite a common reaction when one feels threatened and insecure and also when they are jealous of somebody or about something.
If your “buddy” instinctively crosses their legs every time you share your achievement with them, it could be a signal that they actually envy you.
9. Jealous People Celebrate Your Failures
Shutterstock
Of course, jealous people will not do something obvious like breaking into a victory dance when your boss scolds you for a mistake. But darling, count on it, deep inside, they will be really happy at your fall and celebrate your failures. They will be in an unusually good mood once they learn of your failure, and then they will pretend to be friendly and offer fake consolation just to ply more info from you.
10. Jealous People Are Great Plan-Spoilers
A sign that someone is jealous of you is that they will happily give you bad news on the pretext that they are helping you or doing you a favor. For example, you have decided to go to a picnic. Upon sharing your plan with your “friend,” they will instantly tell you that it is surely going to rain for the next few days. They will say the first thing that comes to their mind to create doubt in yours. Pay attention if your “friend” says or does something that could potentially spoil your plans or make you worry about negative possibilities.
11. They Will Humiliate You In Front Of Other People
Shutterstock
Jealous people jump at every chance they get to criticize you or downplay your achievements. One great way to do that is by humiliating you in front of other people. What do they really achieve from this? They want to establish their standing as a superior person. Secondly, they try to reduce your credibility by dramatizing the entire thing in front of others.
It’s a complete win-win situation for them; or so they think. Smart observers see the truth in this dynamic.
12. They Hate You For No Reason At All
Jealous people rarely admit that they are jealous of you because it will inevitably add to their insecurity. Hence, they will hate you. Jealousy is a slow poison that destroys relationships. That is why it should be avoided as much as possible.
13. They Try To Downplay Your Achievements
Shutterstock
The biggest pet peeve of a jealous person is when the person they are jealous of continues to achieve success. When this occurs, they want to soothe their egos and make themselves feel better by downplaying that person’s success. They do this by associating the achievements to things other than their skill.
That is why it is typical for these types of people to say things like – “She got that promotion because she oils the boss,” or “He has got connections with the manager.” They will absolutely refuse to admit that you actually earned your success.
14. They Are Almost Absent During Your Moments Of Success
The last thing a jealous person desires is to be present at a get-together celebrating the success of another person. Not only does this make them extremely uncomfortable, but it also increases their sense of insecurity tenfold. A jealous person is always giving excuses to avoid moments like this. They will just disappear before you get a chance to ask them to join in the festivities.
Jealousy is an emotion that we all experience, some more than others. It is a natural human feeling, and, in little doses, jealousy isn’t something we should be overly ashamed about. If we utilize this emotion positively, it can make us re-evaluate our lives and find out exactly why we are experiencing these feelings. It can make us find out about what it is that we are actually missing that is making us feel this way about someone else. It can inspire us to work hard and attain goals ourselves.
However, an inherently jealous person is quite different from someone who occasionally experiences jealousy.
The former is hard to be around as they may keep affecting you through their negativity. They may act unkindly and make the good things in your life look bad and undesirable. So, you should keep an eye out for such people as cutting them out of your life at the earliest is the best course of action.
If you find someone’s behavior exhausting and think it could be jealousy, look out for these signs. They should help you protect yourself better.
Frequently Asked Questions
What happens when you feel jealous?
You may have intrusive violent thoughts and urges when you feel jealous. This is because your mind is flooded with resentment toward that person.
How do you handle a jealous person?
The best way to deal with a jealous person is to ignore them. In time, they will learn to process their feelings and move on. If the person who is jealous of you is someone you hold dear, have an open conversation with them about their feelings toward you. You may find out that they are going through a rough patch in their life and need your support to get through it.
Key Takeaways
- Dealing with an inherently jealous person can be exhausting or emotionally draining.
- Jealous people may try to undermine your success by falsely lauding you, criticizing you, or downplaying your hard work.
- Protect yourself from negative emotions that could arise as a result of jealousy by identifying the signs early on.
Articles on StyleCraze are backed by verified information from peer-reviewed and academic research papers, reputed organizations, research institutions, and medical associations to ensure accuracy and relevance. Read our editorial policy to learn more.
- The Evolutionary Psychology of Envy and Jealousy
https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC5609545/
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why such a feeling arises, signs of jealousy and how to react
September 8, 2022
28278
44
1
Updated: September 8, 2022
Updated 8.09
Probably, every person can say that at least once in his life he faced jealousy. Jealousy is a feeling that, according to romance novels, confirms tender feelings, but in life this is not at all the case. Many consider jealousy a sign of love, because we will not be jealous of those who are indifferent to us. And if a third person begins to “manifest” in a serious relationship, then such an emotion takes precedence over reason.
Jealousy in women is a normal feeling, if you can detect and “neutralize” it in time.
For some reason, it is generally accepted that a man is more often jealous for no reason, but regardless of gender, whether it is male or female jealousy, it is destructive in a relationship.
In this article, we will explain why women are jealous, try to figure out how the psychology of jealousy “works”, how to respond to this emotion and what to do with it.
Content of article
- What is jealousy
- Signs of jealousy in a girl
- Why is a girl jealous of a guy
- How to deal with jealousy
- FAQ
- Expert opinion
What is jealousy
Men and women, although they are one representative of the genus Homo Sapiens, are different: behavior, reaction speed, emotions - there are physiological and psychological differences in almost all aspects of life.
And jealousy is no exception. The "strength" of a girl's jealousy is sometimes simply destructive, although men can be wild jealous.
Let's try to figure out what is jealousy?
Jealousy is always a struggle for attention. Moreover, these feelings may not always be associated with love and sexual relationships. It happens that a woman is jealous and fights for attention to her friend, jealous of her parents for her siblings, jealous of friends who prefer her company to another.
Strong jealousy in a girl can cause a desire to persecute her partner (boyfriend, husband), cause any harm, and can also provoke revenge, because her missus is spending time with someone else.
Jealousy is a relationship-destructive feeling that arises from the fact that a girl does not feel the desired emotional contact with her boyfriend. If her emotional perception “suggests” that the guy is behaving somehow wrong, then suspicions arise, a sense of possessiveness, which sooner or later will destroy the relationship.
Example
Anna came to an appointment with a psychologist, who cannot cope with jealousy for her young man Anton. Anna is always friendly, energetic and kind to others. But in moments of jealousy for the ex-woman of her beloved (by the way, she is already married, but still shows attention to Anton), Anna seems to be replaced - she becomes furious, makes scandals, can quarrel right on the street or at a party with friends, can afford harsh statements in front of other people. Although Anton claims that there is only friendly relations between them. Anna is not satisfied with Anton's explanation and she is very worried about his communication with his former lover. Anna does not understand why communicate in the former, if nothing connects them and they do not have common children and property. Anna, with the help of a psychologist, wants to understand where her excessive and strong jealousy comes from and how to overcome it.
In a girl in love, a feeling of jealousy may arise due to suspicions of the infidelity of her beloved.
Often girls "build" in their head the order of the guy's actions - he must do this and that, be attentive, courteous, give gifts, call 5 times a day, take care, spend all the time near her (yes, this is how stereotypical thinking works). And if he does something wrong or acts differently (based on his own desires and capabilities), the girls become jealous.
Important! A destructive state caused by pathological jealousy negatively affects any relationship and hurts the feelings of both partners - bad for both the girl and the man. To save the union, you need to seek help from a specialist as soon as possible - a psychologist will help you find the reason for this behavior and tell you how to cope with your feelings.
Signs of jealousy in a girl
Let's take a look at what signs you can understand that a girl is jealous of her boyfriend. Of course, the behavior of a jealous girl has similar features to the behavior of a jealous guy, but some signs of jealousy are characteristic only of the “weaker sex”.
We will consider all the details of the behavior, and for convenience we will list them in the table:
| signs | Specific Behaviors |
| Passive Aggression | Ignoring questions, silence, reducing the frequency of communication, cessation of communication, monosyllabic answers or not wanting to answer at all. |
| accusations | They can be humorous, or they can be quite serious. Often groundless, "nitpicking" all the time. |
| Anger | Uncontrollable outbursts of anger, mood swings, transition from a calm conversation to a scream, sarcasm, mimicry. |
| obsession | If earlier you could spend time apart, now your wife loves fishing, garage, she likes to go to your mother, requires 100% participation in your life, begs to be with you everywhere and everywhere. |
| Total control | Your missus constantly requires you to report on your whereabouts, actions, plans - no matter where you are: at work, at home, at a party. Moreover, she is trying to spy on who you are talking to, who is calling you, who you are writing to and what exactly. |
If a woman suspects her partner of cheating, then she will demonstrate in every possible way that she knows about his infidelity - she will be cold, tense, taciturn. She will pull back and make it clear that the relationship between you is about to end, so if you want to keep it, you will have to change. This behavior is the result of jealousy.
Why a girl is jealous of a guy
There are many reasons why women are jealous of men. We present the most common:
- Low self-esteem. If it seems to a girl in love that she is inferior to other female representatives in some way, that she is not good enough, successful and beautiful, then a feeling of distrust will not be long in coming.
Self-esteem = confidence in yourself and your own abilities. - Ownership and selfishness. More often these are echoes of improper upbringing, when parents indulged the child in everything in childhood and did everything to please. If a girl thinks that a guy is her property, and she can control him at will, then the destruction of this installation will cause very strong jealousy.
- Fear. At this point, you can combine everything that a girl is afraid of - the fear of being alone, the fear of betrayal, the fear of losing some benefits and financial situation, the fear of condemnation by society (especially if the couple is on the verge of a divorce), etc. Because of the subconscious (almost at the level of instinct) desire to be near a man, a woman becomes jealous.
Suspiciousness, as a character trait, also contributes to the emergence of negative feelings. Suspicious young ladies usually argue like this: “If a man behaves unusually, came later, became taciturn and hides something, then he has another.”
- Past experience and psychological trauma. Both childhood insults (for example, when a girl was teased at school) and failed relationships, unrequited love, abuse and codependency in a past union can injure the psyche. These situations leave an imprint in adulthood and subsequent sexual relationships.
- Model of parental behavior and their relationship. The behavior of the girl depends on how the relationship between father and mother develops. Often resentment and distrust of men (and with it jealousy) pops up if, for example, the father cheated.
Important! When jealousy kicks in, it is usually joined by other negative feelings - resentment, anger, dissatisfaction, apathy, fear. And the devaluation of other people's emotions with phrases like "you yourself are to blame, you invented everything, you spoil everything" only reinforce the girl's suspicions.
How to deal with jealousy
Because of her greater emotionality, it is much more difficult for a woman to cope with jealousy than for a man.
And if a man is interested in maintaining a relationship, then he will also need help and support.
Here are some tips for girls if you are overcome by jealousy:
- Try to switch attention from your partner to yourself, as people say: “take care of yourself” - change your image, find a forgotten hobby, lead an active social life, do not close yourself from communicating with friends.
- Evaluate your condition - analyze the reason for the suspicion after the emotions subside.
- Answer your questions: Is your jealousy justified? What will you do after you find out the truth? What event in the past was the "trigger"?
- Take care of your self-esteem, professional development and self-improvement.
Book an online consultation if you can't deal with destructive feelings of jealousy on your own. Our psychologists will help determine the true cause of negative behavior, tell you how to increase self-esteem, acknowledge your feelings, accept them and start working with them, give exercises and personalized recommendations.
FAQ
If a partner is jealous, then he loves?
+
This is one of the most popular negative misconceptions used to justify jealousy. This negative feeling depends on a stable psyche, self-esteem, independence. The more self-sufficient a person is, the less he is jealous.
How does the behavior of a person who is jealous change?
+
According to the observations of experts, human behavior changes very much. Especially if the partner has always been calm and balanced, then during attacks of suspicion, he can become aggressive, restless, rushing "from one extreme to another." He may begin to arrange interrogations and try to manipulate.
Can it cause jealousy that the girl herself has changed or wants to do it?
+
Yes, sometimes subconsciously the desire to commit adultery can provoke such negative feelings.
Most often, the desire to change, which the girl suppresses in herself, can arise if the girl has already faced betrayal, then she, as it were, “sets up” herself that she can also be changed. But before you accuse the girl of being unfaithful to you, you need to have a heart-to-heart talk, or even better, turn to a psychologist (you can go through joint therapy, or you can go through individual therapy).
Expert opinion
Regardless of the reasons that caused jealousy, such an emotional state has an extremely negative impact on health - both psychological consequences and illnesses at the physical level can occur. We are all different people, we think differently, we perceive information differently, we react differently to certain things and situations. Brief advice for all couples can be given like this - so that there is no jealousy, no need to give a reason. Respect your partner and work on yourself!
We publish only verified information
Article author
Monakhova Albina Petrovna clinical psychologist
Experience 17 years
Consultations 1439
Articles 263
Specialist in clinical psychology.
Help in finding tools for self-realization, working out beliefs, fears and anxieties. Work with self-attitude, internal boundaries, understanding of interaction with society through conscious personal changes.
- 2007 - 2008 MUSIC Children's clinic No. 4 - teacher psychologist
- 2008 - 2009Healthy Country LLC - Clinical Psychologist
- 2009 - 2021 Republican Narcological Dispensary - psychologist
- 2012 - 2013 Occupational medicine - psychologist
- 2013 - 2015 LLC Vozrozhdenie - psychologist
- 2019 to present Teledoctor24 LLC - psychologist
Sources
- ... Amir Levin, Rachel Heller Matching. How Attachment Theory Can Help Create Harmonious Relationships - MYTH, 2012
- .
.. Robin Norwood Women who love too much. If “love” means “suffering” to you, this book will change your life - Good book, 2014 - ... Ekaterina Khlomova I can't live without you. How to choose the right partners and not lose yourself in a relationship - Eksmo, 2022
- ... Robert Leahy Jealousy. How to live with her and maintain relationships - Peter, 2018
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why such a feeling arises, signs of jealousy and how to react
September 8, 2022
09/08
7 minutes
7 minutes
28279
44
1
Updated: September 8, 2022
Updated 8.
09
Probably, every person can say that at least once in his life he faced jealousy. Jealousy is a feeling that, according to romance novels, confirms tender feelings, but in life this is not at all the case. Many consider jealousy a sign of love, because we will not be jealous of those who are indifferent to us. And if a third person begins to “manifest” in a serious relationship, then such an emotion takes precedence over reason.
Jealousy in women is a normal feeling, if you can detect and “neutralize” it in time. For some reason, it is generally accepted that a man is more often jealous for no reason, but regardless of gender, whether it is male or female jealousy, it is destructive in a relationship.
In this article, we will explain why women are jealous, try to figure out how the psychology of jealousy “works”, how to respond to this emotion and what to do with it.
Content of article
- What is jealousy
- Signs of jealousy in a girl
- Why is a girl jealous of a guy
- How to deal with jealousy
- FAQ
- Expert opinion
What is jealousy
Men and women, although they are one representative of the genus Homo Sapiens, are different: behavior, reaction speed, emotions - there are physiological and psychological differences in almost all aspects of life.
And jealousy is no exception. The "strength" of a girl's jealousy is sometimes simply destructive, although men can be wild jealous.
Let's try to figure out what is jealousy?
Jealousy is always a struggle for attention. Moreover, these feelings may not always be associated with love and sexual relationships. It happens that a woman is jealous and fights for attention to her friend, jealous of her parents for her siblings, jealous of friends who prefer her company to another.
Strong jealousy in a girl can cause a desire to persecute her partner (boyfriend, husband), cause any harm, and can also provoke revenge, because her missus is spending time with someone else.
Jealousy is a relationship-destructive feeling that arises from the fact that a girl does not feel the desired emotional contact with her boyfriend. If her emotional perception “suggests” that the guy is behaving somehow wrong, then suspicions arise, a sense of possessiveness, which sooner or later will destroy the relationship.
Example
Anna came to an appointment with a psychologist, who cannot cope with jealousy for her young man Anton. Anna is always friendly, energetic and kind to others. But in moments of jealousy for the ex-woman of her beloved (by the way, she is already married, but still shows attention to Anton), Anna seems to be replaced - she becomes furious, makes scandals, can quarrel right on the street or at a party with friends, can afford harsh statements in front of other people. Although Anton claims that there is only friendly relations between them. Anna is not satisfied with Anton's explanation and she is very worried about his communication with his former lover. Anna does not understand why communicate in the former, if nothing connects them and they do not have common children and property. Anna, with the help of a psychologist, wants to understand where her excessive and strong jealousy comes from and how to overcome it.
In a girl in love, a feeling of jealousy may arise due to suspicions of the infidelity of her beloved.
Often girls "build" in their head the order of the guy's actions - he must do this and that, be attentive, courteous, give gifts, call 5 times a day, take care, spend all the time near her (yes, this is how stereotypical thinking works). And if he does something wrong or acts differently (based on his own desires and capabilities), the girls become jealous.
Important! A destructive state caused by pathological jealousy negatively affects any relationship and hurts the feelings of both partners - bad for both the girl and the man. To save the union, you need to seek help from a specialist as soon as possible - a psychologist will help you find the reason for this behavior and tell you how to cope with your feelings.
Signs of jealousy in a girl
Let's take a look at what signs you can understand that a girl is jealous of her boyfriend. Of course, the behavior of a jealous girl has similar features to the behavior of a jealous guy, but some signs of jealousy are characteristic only of the “weaker sex”.
We will consider all the details of the behavior, and for convenience we will list them in the table:
| signs | Specific Behaviors |
| Passive Aggression | Ignoring questions, silence, reducing the frequency of communication, cessation of communication, monosyllabic answers or not wanting to answer at all. |
| accusations | They can be humorous, or they can be quite serious. Often groundless, "nitpicking" all the time. |
| Anger | Uncontrollable outbursts of anger, mood swings, transition from a calm conversation to a scream, sarcasm, mimicry. |
| obsession | If earlier you could spend time apart, now your wife loves fishing, garage, she likes to go to your mother, requires 100% participation in your life, begs to be with you everywhere and everywhere. |
| Total control | Your missus constantly requires you to report on your whereabouts, actions, plans - no matter where you are: at work, at home, at a party. Moreover, she is trying to spy on who you are talking to, who is calling you, who you are writing to and what exactly. |
If a woman suspects her partner of cheating, then she will demonstrate in every possible way that she knows about his infidelity - she will be cold, tense, taciturn. She will pull back and make it clear that the relationship between you is about to end, so if you want to keep it, you will have to change. This behavior is the result of jealousy.
Why a girl is jealous of a guy
There are many reasons why women are jealous of men. We present the most common:
- Low self-esteem. If it seems to a girl in love that she is inferior to other female representatives in some way, that she is not good enough, successful and beautiful, then a feeling of distrust will not be long in coming.
Self-esteem = confidence in yourself and your own abilities. - Ownership and selfishness. More often these are echoes of improper upbringing, when parents indulged the child in everything in childhood and did everything to please. If a girl thinks that a guy is her property, and she can control him at will, then the destruction of this installation will cause very strong jealousy.
- Fear. At this point, you can combine everything that a girl is afraid of - the fear of being alone, the fear of betrayal, the fear of losing some benefits and financial situation, the fear of condemnation by society (especially if the couple is on the verge of a divorce), etc. Because of the subconscious (almost at the level of instinct) desire to be near a man, a woman becomes jealous.
Suspiciousness, as a character trait, also contributes to the emergence of negative feelings. Suspicious young ladies usually argue like this: “If a man behaves unusually, came later, became taciturn and hides something, then he has another.”
- Past experience and psychological trauma. Both childhood insults (for example, when a girl was teased at school) and failed relationships, unrequited love, abuse and codependency in a past union can injure the psyche. These situations leave an imprint in adulthood and subsequent sexual relationships.
- Model of parental behavior and their relationship. The behavior of the girl depends on how the relationship between father and mother develops. Often resentment and distrust of men (and with it jealousy) pops up if, for example, the father cheated.
Important! When jealousy kicks in, it is usually joined by other negative feelings - resentment, anger, dissatisfaction, apathy, fear. And the devaluation of other people's emotions with phrases like "you yourself are to blame, you invented everything, you spoil everything" only reinforce the girl's suspicions.
How to deal with jealousy
Because of her greater emotionality, it is much more difficult for a woman to cope with jealousy than for a man.
And if a man is interested in maintaining a relationship, then he will also need help and support.
Here are some tips for girls if you are overcome by jealousy:
- Try to switch attention from your partner to yourself, as people say: “take care of yourself” - change your image, find a forgotten hobby, lead an active social life, do not close yourself from communicating with friends.
- Evaluate your condition - analyze the reason for the suspicion after the emotions subside.
- Answer your questions: Is your jealousy justified? What will you do after you find out the truth? What event in the past was the "trigger"?
- Take care of your self-esteem, professional development and self-improvement.
Book an online consultation if you can't deal with destructive feelings of jealousy on your own. Our psychologists will help determine the true cause of negative behavior, tell you how to increase self-esteem, acknowledge your feelings, accept them and start working with them, give exercises and personalized recommendations.
FAQ
If a partner is jealous, then he loves?
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This is one of the most popular negative misconceptions used to justify jealousy. This negative feeling depends on a stable psyche, self-esteem, independence. The more self-sufficient a person is, the less he is jealous.
How does the behavior of a person who is jealous change?
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According to the observations of experts, human behavior changes very much. Especially if the partner has always been calm and balanced, then during attacks of suspicion, he can become aggressive, restless, rushing "from one extreme to another." He may begin to arrange interrogations and try to manipulate.
Can it cause jealousy that the girl herself has changed or wants to do it?
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Yes, sometimes subconsciously the desire to commit adultery can provoke such negative feelings.
Most often, the desire to change, which the girl suppresses in herself, can arise if the girl has already faced betrayal, then she, as it were, “sets up” herself that she can also be changed. But before you accuse the girl of being unfaithful to you, you need to have a heart-to-heart talk, or even better, turn to a psychologist (you can go through joint therapy, or you can go through individual therapy).
Expert opinion
Regardless of the reasons that caused jealousy, such an emotional state has an extremely negative impact on health - both psychological consequences and illnesses at the physical level can occur. We are all different people, we think differently, we perceive information differently, we react differently to certain things and situations. Brief advice for all couples can be given like this - so that there is no jealousy, no need to give a reason. Respect your partner and work on yourself!
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Article author
Monakhova Albina Petrovna clinical psychologist
Experience 17 years
Consultations 1439
Articles 263
Specialist in clinical psychology.
Help in finding tools for self-realization, working out beliefs, fears and anxieties. Work with self-attitude, internal boundaries, understanding of interaction with society through conscious personal changes.
- 2007 - 2008 MUSIC Children's clinic No. 4 - teacher psychologist
- 2008 - 2009Healthy Country LLC - Clinical Psychologist
- 2009 - 2021 Republican Narcological Dispensary - psychologist
- 2012 - 2013 Occupational medicine - psychologist
- 2013 - 2015 LLC Vozrozhdenie - psychologist
- 2019 to present Teledoctor24 LLC - psychologist
Sources
- ... Amir Levin, Rachel Heller Matching. How Attachment Theory Can Help Create Harmonious Relationships - MYTH, 2012
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.. Robin Norwood Women who love too much. If “love” means “suffering” to you, this book will change your life - Good book, 2014 - ... Ekaterina Khlomova I can't live without you. How to choose the right partners and not lose yourself in a relationship - Eksmo, 2022
- ... Robert Leahy Jealousy. How to live with her and maintain relationships - Peter, 2018
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