Do you have feelings for me
'Do you have romantic feelings for me, yes or no?'
I was walking into the Echoplex in Echo Park when it hit me: This could be the night. This could be the night when I finally kissed my best friend. We had been hanging out together for nine months — inseparable — and tonight we were meeting at one of my favorite parties in L.A., Soul Slam: Prince & Michael Jackson.
As much as Leon and I were “just friends,” I had undeniably fallen in love with him. And as far as I was concerned, there was no better way to move things from friends to romance than sweating on the dance floor in between “I Wanna Be Your Lover” and “Don’t Stop ’Til You Get Enough.”
There he was, just as excited to see me as I was to see him. He grabbed my hand and we went straight to the dance floor. And instantly we were having the best time. Deep in each other’s arms, we were the closest we had ever been. I felt like I knew him in a way that I knew no one else, and he was smiling ear to ear. So I asked him, “What are you smiling about?” He looked at me and said, “You make me so happy… You’re my favorite.
”
I smiled back and said, “And you are mine.”
And there it was.
So the shaman was right.
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She wasn’t your typical shaman — she was young, hip and she hugged you like you were her best friend. I scheduled my appointment with Mona months in advance, but my appointment fell just days after I impulsively told Leon that I was falling in love with him. And according to Mona, he was in love with me too.
Not just in love with me, he was head over heels. I had changed his life and his understanding of love. She told me he was a soul mate. And the only thing I had to do to ensure this great love of mine was to … stay the course.
Stay the course?
Those three words possibly might be the worst thing you can tell a woman who’s been single for eight very long years. Eight years of online dating, one-night stands and broken promises.
More L.A. Affairs columns
But in the eight years of putting in the work, of reading “Getting to ‘I Do’: The Secret to Doing Relationships Right!” and “Calling in ‘The One’: 7 Weeks to Attract the Love of Your Life,” I hadn’t felt anything close to the butterflies, the constant laughter and the ease that I felt when I was with him.
And I was willing to do whatever I needed to make sure this feeling and this man weren’t going anywhere.
He was amazing. Smart. Brilliant. We went to art shows, we’d go on long walks, just talk, and he constantly reminded me that I was special. We held hands, we touched — but we never kissed. It was in some ways the most intimate relationship that I had ever had, but we never had sex. The closer we got, the more we were entangled into each other’s lives, the more my feelings grew, and I couldn’t keep it in any longer.
When I told him I was falling in love with him, he didn’t flinch.
He smiled and told me we had something special, something that he had never experienced, something that he cherished. He made me feel understood, listened to, accepted.
But he never said that he was falling in love with me too.
And when I pulled away, confused, saying that I needed space to figure out what to do next, he told me he was afraid to give me that space because he feared we would come back to each other and be something else than what we were right then.
My appointment with my shaman fell right in the middle of all of this. She said “Stay the course,” so I did.
And there we were, right in each other’s arms, singing our hearts out to “Raspberry Beret.” But the night ended as every night did, minutes of holding each other, delayed goodbyes but no actual kiss.
As much as I’m a woman who wants to be cherished and cared for, I am also a woman who wants and needs to be rubbed up on. And here I was feeling as if I was getting used for my mind, and my body was being completely ignored.
Somehow, I found the courage to ask the one question I was afraid to ask for months: “Do you have romantic feelings for me, yes or no?” He paused and said “No … but ...”
But I didn’t have room for “but,” so I stopped him and asked him to let me go.
And just like that, the magic stopped.
And two people who couldn’t go a day without talking to each other all of a sudden were no longer speaking to each other.
The truth is, I believe there’s beauty in ambiguity.
There’s a place where you can roam forever and get lost in something great. But that place is not in my love life. And the course that we were on wasn’t my course. It was his.
These months without him, they hurt.
I settled myself into the reality that it’s completely OK if he doesn’t think I’m sexy. Because … I do. I think I’m sexy. I know that not only am I worthy, that it’s 100% possible to find a remarkable man, who recognizes that I am remarkable and wants to blow my back out too.
I think the shaman was right. I do think he was in love with me but I was Olympic and he was Pico. Two roads that get mistaken for each other all the time, two streets that people believe take you to the same destination — but they’re different.
So… I’m staying the course, but this course is mine.
The author is a writer and storyteller living in Los Angeles. She is on Instagram at @amuseishere.
L.A. Affairs chronicles the current dating scene in and around Los Angeles.
If you have comments or a true story to tell, email us at [email protected].
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26 Signs He Has Strong Feelings For You
In This Article
Men, unlike women, have a hard time letting other people know what they feel.
Not knowing what a man feels for you is hard for a woman. After all, it’s not easy to assume that he has feelings for you or be the one to ask the question.
A man could already like you but might not even say it.
When a man doesn’t say what he feels, this can cause confusion and sometimes misunderstandings.
If you know the signs he has strong feelings for you, then you don’t have to wait for him to say it out loud.
You would be able to know what he feels and what he’s trying to say through his actions.
Related Reading: 10 Common Causes of Misunderstanding and How to Solve ThemWhy are men not vocal about their feelings?
Isn’t it frustrating when you know that you are already developing feelings, but he doesn’t admit it?
“I have feelings for you. I’ve fallen in love with you.”
Isn’t this easy to say? So, why is it so hard for men to say it and be vocal about their feelings?
Let’s go back to when boys start growing up.
In our society, boys are expected not to cry on ‘small’ problems. They should grow up tough and strong, ready to handle any situation – like a real man.
For most people, when you’re a man, you’re expected to be masculine, and you are not allowed to be mushy, emotional, or even too sweet.
It’s one of the reasons why some men can’t and won’t admit solid feelings for you.
Now, some men are just shy and are afraid of being rejected. That’s another reason they can’t be vocal even if he has feelings for you.
Knowing this, when a guy says he has strong feelings for you, how do they show it?
Related Reading: 15 Ways to Help Your Partner Understand How You’re FeelingHow does a man express his feelings?
Have you seen your special someone show signs he has strong feelings for you?
You’re not making a mistake. Men would choose to express what they feel through actions and body language.
You would be able to read a man’s actions and catch feelings through his actions, facial reactions, and body language.
If he’s clenching his first or gritting teeth, he’s angry. If he’s always cooking food for you, getting you everything you need, he cares for you.
Does a man change when he’s in love?Now that we know how to read a man’s gesture, we won’t fail to notice changes in his behaviors, actions, facial expressions, and even his habits when he’s in love.
When a man is in love, you’ll notice changes.
It’s one of the ways how to know if someone has feelings for you.
Are you noticing signs he has strong feelings for you, and you want to know if you’re right?
Then, we will be giving you 26 signs he has romantic feelings for you.
26 Signs a man has strong feelings for you“Does he have feelings for me? I don’t want to assume that he does.”
Being in a situation where you’re ready to fall in love but unsure if the person you like has feelings for you is hard.
These 26 signs will help you read your man to see if he has strong feelings for you.
1. He stares at you – a lotOne of the signs he has feelings for you is when he could not get his eyes off you.
Every chance he gets, he will look at you.
This gaze is intense, deep, and full of emotions. So let’s not confuse this with the type of stare that will give you the creeps.
If you catch him, he might even smile and blush.
Deep inside, he contemplates how he feels about you and how he could show you what you mean to him.
A man who has feelings for you will try to be close to you.
He might choose to sit close to you, be your teammate, tag along with a group event, etc.
A man doesn’t need to think long and hard about this. It happens automatically. He would take every opportunity to be close to the person he likes – you.
Related Reading: 30 Signs He Loves You3. He’s not seeing anyone else
One proof that a man has genuine feelings for someone is that he won’t be seeing anyone else when you’re already dating.
He won’t try to flirt or entertain anyone who does.
When a man is in love, his focus is all yours. How sweet is that?
4. He shows you his vulnerable sideAs much as possible, a man will not let his guard down.
However, if he has feelings for you and he trusts you, he will start to show you his vulnerable side. He would even open up to you.
A man who has strong feelings for you will tend to drop his guard and become less defensive in your presence.
Related Reading: 16 Powerful Benefits of Vulnerability in Relationships5. He texts, calls, chats with you all the time
One of the signs he has strong feelings for you is when he constantly tries to communicate with you.
He checks on you by texting or calling you. He would even chat or text you when he wakes up, letting you know that you’re the first one he thinks about upon waking up.
If he has some good news, you may even be the first one to know.
6. He acts silly when he’s with youMen are not that good at processing their emotions.
For some, when they start falling for you, they would act weird. Men who are falling in love are not doing this on purpose.
They’re confused and are trying to process their feelings so that they may act nervous, awkward, and even silly at times.
Related Reading: 30 Signs You’re Falling in Love7. He tries to make you laugh
One of the signs he has strong feelings for you is when he tries to make you laugh.
Why is that?
When someone is important to you, all you want is that person to be happy? He tries his best to make you laugh because if you’re happy, he’s also happy.
Related Reading: 10 Benefits of Couples Laughing Together in Relationships8. He’s always smiling when you’re together
When someone is happy and in love, they have that noticeable sparkle in their eyes.
If you notice your special someone smiling often and has that sparkle in his eyes, he may have feelings for you.
Love and affection can light up anyone’s mood. Happiness is one of the side effects of being in love.
9. His friends know youA man who already has feelings for you will have the urge to talk about you with his friends.
He could even start a topic or tell stories about you. How much he admires you, how strong you are, etc.
Don’t be surprised when his friends smile at you and comment, “Oh, so she’s the one!”
10. His family knows you tooHas your special someone introduced you to any of his family members?
Like his friends, he’d want his family to know about you too.
Men aren’t vocal creatures, but they would still mention you when they are with their family, which means something. Don’t be surprised if he’ll ask you to come and eat lunch with his family one day.
That’s a lovely gesture too.
Related Reading: A Guide to Romantic Gestures for Him and Her11. His kisses are passionate
There can be different types of kisses. Some kisses are aggressive and lustful, while others can be romantic and passionate.
When a man has feelings for you, expect his kisses to be passionate, slow, and romantic.
A kiss with love is different. You’ll know when it happens. You will feel the difference between a kiss with feelings and a kiss of pleasure.
12. Sex is intimateWhere does romantic kissing lead?
That’s right, passionate and romantic kisses lead to intimate love-making.
It’s more than just fulfilling carnal desires; it’s all about showing your feelings to someone.
Each caress, each movement is different. The passion is intense, and the connection would be undeniable. That’s the beauty of having strong feelings for your person.
13. He shares his childhood memoriesHave you seen a man sharing his childhood memories with someone else?
We seldom come across a man who would open up to his experiences, but it means you’re important to him when he does.
Most men wouldn’t even dare to share their past, let alone their childhood memories, so if he does this, it means he is comfortable having this conversation with you.
Related Reading: How to Accept the Past of Your Partner: 12 Ways14. He’s acting weird when you’re together
Does he make silly faces, laugh out loud, or even sing his heart out?
If he does, he is comfortable with you and wants you to see who he is. It’s one of the signs he wants to get closer to you by showing his true self.
He can act weird, silly, and even funny because he wants you to see him like this. He wants you to realize that he’s spontaneous, fun, and genuine.
15. The conversation is deepA man developing feelings for you will start loving the time you’re having conversations. It’s an opportunity to get to know you more, and besides, everything about you becomes interesting for him.
It’s no longer small talk.
Your conversations now consist of deep conversations. It may include serious topics such as plans, finances, religious beliefs, and more.
16. He always compliments youCompliments are a man’s way to show you how he feels.
He may praise your achievements, your beliefs in life, your intelligence, and of course, your beauty.
Since he already has feelings, he would notice every detail about you and appreciate them.
So if a man is constantly praising you and gives you sweet compliments, then this is one of the signs he has strong feelings for you.
Related Reading: 30 Compliments for Men That They Love to Hear More Often17. He feels jealous
One of the most obvious signs he has strong feelings for you is when he gets jealous.
Men are not vocal with their feelings, but their actions are a dead giveaway. If he has feelings for you, he won’t be able to control his reaction when he sees someone else trying to get your attention.
Did you notice his mood suddenly changed? Did he stop talking to you or reply with “K” or “Fine”? It would help if you asked him.
Mark Tyrrell, a qualified psychotherapist and hypnotherapist, teaches us how to treat jealousy in this short but informative video.
A man who has genuine feelings for someone will care, even in public. He would open the car door for you, get your coffee for you, or anything chivalrous would mean that he’s a true gentleman who has feelings for you.
While there are men who are just plain gentlemen, a man who has feelings for you will go the extra mile.
Your instinct will tell you, and you’d feel it in his gestures.
19. He’s very protectiveWhen you see signs, a guy is protective of you, and it’s because, by default, men will have the hero complex, especially with the one they like.
He would go out of his way to help you, make things easier for you, and be there when you need him.
A man who will do this for you has feelings for you.
Related Reading: Overprotective Partner? Here’s What You Can Do20.
He surprises you with giftsOne of the sweetest gestures of men in love is they give unexpected gifts.
It doesn’t need to be expensive gifts. It could be a cup of coffee, a cupcake, a box of chocolates, or maybe a pack of your favorite candies.
If a man, out of the blue, showers you with unexpected gifts, then there’s a chance he likes you.
Related Reading: 10 Romantic Gestures for Him to Show You Care21. He can spend time with you doing nothing
Does he try to be with you even though you have nothing to do? After talking or eating, you lie in bed or watch movies, but you still have a good time.
If you are smiling because you know you have been doing this with your special someone, that’s already a sign for you!
Keep in mind that even silence is enjoyable when you’re with the person you like.
22. He tells you his secrets If you think telling you his childhood memories is sweet, wait till you hear some of his secrets.
Why do men do this? Aren’t they secretive?
Well, they are, but when he feels comfortable around you, and he trusts you, he would be the one who will initiate this conversation.
It’s his way of slowly opening up to you. It’s a way to show you that he trusts you and values you.
Related Reading: 15 Secrets of Happy Couples in a Relationship23. He allows you into his world
You know a man has feelings for you when he slowly tries to include you in his plans.
It’s no longer about hanging out or having a date.
You’ll notice how much he tries to invite you into his world. You’ll meet his friends, family, even workmates. He’ll show you his hobbies, favorite places, and everything about him.
Related Reading: 6 Hobbies That Will Strengthen Your Relationship24. He remembers details about you
We all know that men always forget important dates. It’s one of the most common issues of couples.
So, if he remembers details about you, he’s into you.
If he remembers your favorite color, coffee, the brand of cake, and even your favorite show – it means you’re more than special to him.
25. He includes you in his plansDoes he ask you if you want to join their party? Maybe, he wants you to accompany him to his family reunion?
Here’s a secret, men won’t do any of these if he doesn’t have feelings for you.
If he includes you in either present or plans, you’re more than just someone he likes. He might have strong feelings for you.
26. He respects youA man who has genuine feelings for someone will show his utmost respect.
Showing respect is one of the most beautiful ways a man can show his feelings for someone.
Respect is one of the most beautiful ways a man can give to someone, especially the girl he likes.
Related Reading: 25 Signs He Respects YouConclusion
Who doesn’t want to fall in love? Who doesn’t want to feel the butterflies in their stomach?
However, for a woman, it’s not that easy to ask whether you’ll be in a real relationship or continue dating.
Sometimes, we get to the point where we want to know if we’re moving forward or not, but what if your special someone doesn’t say anything?
Men aren’t vocal, especially with their feelings.
Don’t get upset if they don’t bring it up. What you can do is to look for signs he has strong feelings for you.
By knowing this, you don’t have to assume anymore. You will understand your man’s actions and what he is trying to tell you.
Once you do, it will be easier for you to ask him about your status.
Secret feelings: why you shouldn't rush to declare your love
Love and sex
Are you bursting with strong feelings and "butterflies in your stomach"? Do you want to confess but are afraid? We tell why sometimes it is worth waiting before opening the heart.
In early childhood, it is not difficult for us to express our feelings - children easily admit the affection they experience. Growing up, we understand that the world around works according to the rules to which we must adapt in order to protect ourselves from experiences and poorly healing heart wounds.
And even when we meet true love, we are in no hurry to say three cherished words, although we are sure that the object of passion deserves it. In addition, the stereotypes imposed by society cool the ardor: it is better if he does it first, and even better if it happens not only at the right time, but also in the right place.
"The Proposal"
Judging by classic novels and Hollywood films, sincere feeling requires not only the appropriate surroundings, but also the test of time in order to get the right "signals" - we read them as a green light for confessions with minimal chances of disappointment. Everyone wants to hear the answer “I love you”, they are afraid to say it first and try not to miscalculate with the right moment.
Love has no time or emotional scale to measure against. You don't have to measure the rise in passion every day or count the days of your attachment to figure out when the right moment is.
In addition, no one wants to be pressured by someone else's feelings and suffer the need for a positive response to someone else's confession.
"Real love"
Therefore, allow yourself to trust what you are really experiencing - let everything happen naturally and comfortably. When you experience the first emotional fireworks, realize the depth of your love and are confident in your feelings, express them in any way you want, at the time you see fit.
There is really nowhere to hurry - as Viktor Tsoi said, "love is worth the wait." To help you assess the situation as objectively as possible and not get emotional, we've compiled a list of important reasons to take the time to come forward.
1. Because true love takes time
When Harry Met Sally
When we become attached to someone, it is easy to confuse the joy of intimacy with love. You can love being around him, feeling your hand in his palm, enjoying the fact that you are a couple - but this is not the same as real feelings for a real person.
True love is not only desire, passion, and certainly not dependence, but a deep feeling of acceptance of each other when you want and can be yourself, without pretending and not wanting to reshape the partner to your own standards and principles.
This rarely happens at first sight, and it takes time to realize if you are really halves of one whole, and most likely not days or weeks. Even if you desperately want to finally say the cherished words to your heart friend, give yourself another crucial time out to really understand what it means to you.
2. Recognition does not strengthen affection
“Lost in translation”
Disagreements happen in any, even the most ideal, relationship. But as much as we want to quickly turn from cold alienation to hot emotional rails, the words “I love you” were not invented in order to restore mutual understanding. And please don't use them in the hope of convincing someone not to leave you. Recognition cannot save a relationship, correct mistakes, or restore trust. This is not superglue, not a spell, not an element of combat NLP and not a secret weapon - especially if the most important words are heard for the first time in an extreme situation, expressing despair or justification rather than genuine feelings.
3. It's really more meaningful at the right time
"Diary of Memory"
Sometimes we feel such a rush of feelings that we catch our breath and the recognition breaks from our lips involuntarily. A breakthrough of emotions can catch you both during a boat trip on an Italian lake (where you are all so beautiful, in a dress and with a bouquet), and at the moment of mutual orgasm in the car, which you stopped by the will of passion, before reaching your parents' dacha in near Moscow Malakhovka. This is exactly what it is about - if it is important for you that the moment when you say "I love you" becomes special in your life, try to hold on until you intuitively feel that it is time.
4. One may regret what is said
“Pride and Prejudice”
Remember: the word is not a sparrow. Before confessing, you should make sure that you are saying this because you really feel it, and not because he is so good (sexy, rich, promising) or you really wanted romance.
Anything that is said without true and honest intentions has a chance to turn into regret. "I love you" is not one of those words that can be easily taken back.
5. And because love is different for everyone
Vicky Cristina Barcelona
Love can be perceived differently by both sides of your couple - and this is absolutely normal. Before you say "I love you", it's good to figure out how much your version matches your partner's. It will not work to escalate and provoke reciprocity - let the boyfriend's emotions bloom at their own discretion, otherwise you risk frightening off the nascent feelings (if they mature more slowly than yours).
If both in a couple have experience of relationships, does it make sense to talk about what has been experienced in the past and what is significant today: care, security, stability, paradise in a hut, a better future? Understanding the difficulties experienced and each other's feelings will allow you to see the situation from his side before giving free rein to declarations of love.
SMIRNOVA NATASHA
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- Psychology
- Love and sex
- Relations
Why do feelings cool over time and how to extend love
June 15, 2021 9000 revive.
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0Ekaterina Khripko
The author of the channel about relationships and sex in science "Come for tea🍷".
Where intense feelings come from
Dopamine plays the most important role in generating passion and intense romantic feelings, writes Semir Zeki, Professor of Neuroscience at University College London. By acting on certain receptors in the brain, this neurotransmitter motivates us to fulfill our desires and achieve goals - usually they are associated with something useful for life. For example, with reproduction (respectively, the desire to get the object of passion) or with the acquisition of new knowledge, impressions, experience: the better you know the situation and the more you know how, the higher the chances of survival.
Dopamine is also associated with the joy of new experiences, travel, overcoming danger, the desire to grow in salary and my desire to complete this article. Dopamine receptors D2 are responsible for our love impulses - they are backed up by D1, which block interest in other potential partners.
So, we abandon friends, we lose productivity, we can't tear ourselves away from each other, orgasms darken our eyes. But this is temporary.
Why feelings get cold
Over time, the feeling of novelty becomes dull. And also a familiar partner is always at hand - there is no longer a need for dopamine motivation to win him over. This neurotransmitter, of course, continues to be released, but not in those quantities.
As a result, passion fades somewhat, feelings are no longer so burning, and someone may even be drawn to flirt with someone else.
Sex trainers speculate on this topic, calling for playing inaccessibility. There is some truth in these words, except that in close relationships you usually don’t bother and don’t arrange an obstacle course on the way to the bedroom.
It is important that dopamine-induced activity in some areas of the brain is associated with a decrease in the work of others: for example, the ability to critically evaluate a partner is drowned out. When the love euphoria passes, you yourself know what happens.
How love changes over time
If the subsided dopamine wave did not reveal a pile of garbage on the shore out of misunderstanding and disappointment, then it makes sense to talk about vasopressin and oxytocin. They are your invitation cards to a cozy family life.
These social molecules form kindred warmth, tenderness, give a sense of calm and security next to loved ones. Oxytocin is released at the dating stage, plays a big role in the formation of attachment and, unlike dopamine, does not leave you after a year of relationship.
Oxytocin is especially active in women (it is associated with maternal feelings and is involved in lactation), while in men, vasopressin, which is chemically similar to it, plays an important role.
It forms paternal feelings and “turns on” care, as well as aggression towards other contenders for a partner. The feeling of vasopressin ownership is also familiar to women, albeit to a lesser extent.
A massive surge in oxytocin and/or vasopressin harms dopamine, according to Daniel Lieberman, psychiatrist and author of Dopamine: The Most Needed Hormone. This is partly why immediately after the birth of a child, you usually do not really want sex. But a moderate concentration of these substances just contributes to the release of dopamine, which is associated with arousal, notes Rutgers University anthropologist Helen Fisher.
Long-term relationships also activate areas of the brain associated with sympathy. They also rely on friendship, which is accompanied by the release of opioids and endorphins (they act on opioid receptors).
Like vasopressin with oxytocin, in moderate amounts these substances additionally activate dopamine (and with it sexual desire). Therefore, strong friendship is a component of passion.
And also loyalty. According to a paper by Oklahoma State University researchers, friendship-related opioids appear to lower testosterone levels in both, but especially in men because they naturally have more testosterone (vasopressin and oxytocin, by the way, have a similar effect). Meanwhile, this hormone is tightly intertwined with sexual desire and supports the desire to find someone to continue the family. Those who are in successful relationships, and even more so raising children, have lower testosterone levels than those who are single.
But in men (rarely in women), who lack something in the family, testosterone rises, they begin to desire intimacy more. And given that not everything is fine in a relationship, they often resort to connections on the side, experts conclude.
This should not be taken as an excuse for cheating.
In the end, well-married and married people can cheat with low testosterone, and the owners of its high concentration can still be faithful.
Because cheating is primarily a choice, not biology.
What keeps many years of love
Apparently, it is thanks to friendship that science knows people who celebrate a pink wedding in a kind of dopamine euphoria. A group of scientists from the already mentioned Rutgers University studied couples who have kept love and passion almost in their original form over the years, and analyzed their relationship. It turned out that the partners were connected by close friendship and the ability to influence each other's personal growth through it.
It implies not just a comfortable existence, but the presence of common interests, views, the desire to do something together, to develop in one direction.
The logic is simple: the dopamine release that causes passion is facilitated by many pleasant, interesting and useful things that you can do together with a like-minded partner. He's usually fun to be around too.
How Shared Passions Transform into Desire
According to the two-factor theory of emotion and excitatory transfer theory, the brain has an interesting tendency to interpret average sensations depending on the context.
This was first proven in an experiment with two bridges. Two groups of men walked on different bridges: stable and shaky. Both there and there the participants were met by an attractive girl who asked questions from the questionnaire and left her number. The men who met the girl on the dangerous bridge called and made appointments more often.
Researchers believe that in a relatively safe situation, the brain is able to take a slight fright for excitement (if there is someone exciting nearby) and gladly spend the produced dopamine on it. This may work with other stimuli and neurotransmitters as well.
In another experiment, subjects from different groups first received physical activity - light, medium and strong - and then watched erotica. The members of the second group got excited the fastest. The remnants of excitement caused by sports, at the opportunity, were transformed into sexual desire.
How to revive passion and strengthen feelings
So, here is a list of the main factors that influence the formation of dopamine passion.
Notice how often these things happen in your life. If not, use the list as a guide to improving your relationship.
1. Create, develop and share experience
As already mentioned, researchers note that in a long happy relationship, apart from friendship, personal growth also plays a role. This idea was even turned into a whole theory of self-expansion (Self-Expansion Theory). According to her, if a partner contributes to a new experience, this strengthens love and passion. You can understand the theory literally: a person expands your knowledge, skills, opens up new horizons for you, brings something new to life, supports your ideas and helps to realize them. From a biological point of view, this raises your awareness of this world and how to make life safer and more prosperous to a new level.
So travel (our evolutionary roots encourage exploration of new territories), learn things together by helping each other (it's important that it's really interesting for both), run a common business, and so on.
2. Emphasize novelty
Everything new is also surrounded by dopamine flair — this is also a new experience for the brain, even if it does not develop you as effectively as a new book, starting a startup or a trip abroad.
Give gifts, change your favorite places for walking with new locations. Role-playing games with dressing up also give off something new, don't they?
3. Indulge in extreme sports (but moderately)
With very vivid sensations, the brain no longer confuses stimuli - in the experiment described above, the men just walked along a bridge swaying in the wind.
In the movies, we often see how a couple who have survived troubles unite in a kiss. At the moment of danger, we are not up to romance, but when it recedes, dopamine takes over. It is needed in order to calm the feeling of fear when everything is behind. If not for him, we would have been shaking for hours after a harmless rustle that frightened us.
4. Solve common problems
This activates oxytocin and vasopressin, which increase attachment.
According to the theory of self-expansion, close people perceive their partner's problems as their own, which means they are ready to participate in their solution.
Don't blame your partner for your general troubles. Help him cope with difficulties and ask for help yourself.
5. Laugh
Many people tend to fall in love with those who have a good sense of humor, and there is an explanation for this. “Dopamine is associated with positive emotions that correlate with novelty, creativity, and also humor. A joke is also a kind of simulated situation in which there could be a banal way out, and you were offered an unusual outcome, and you laugh, ”says Vyacheslav Dubynin, Doctor of Biological Sciences, a specialist in brain physiology. Thus, humor indirectly echoes the desire to know the world.
You don't even have to joke on your own - it's enough to be able to laugh at something with you. Funny movies and videos from YouTube, funny games like Twister or Imaginarium will do.
