Controlling abusive men signs
Warning Signs of an Abusive Person | Domestic Violence Reduction Unit (D.V.R.U.)
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Warning Signs of an Abusive Person
The following information was provided by the Portland WomenStrength Program.
1. Jealousy and Possessiveness. Wants to be with you constantly. Accuses you of cheating all the time. Follows you around and frequently calls. Asks friends to check up on you.
2. Controlling Behavior. Constantly questions who you spend your time with, what you did/wore/said, where you went. Makes you ask permission to do certain things. Acts like you don’t have the ability to make good decisions. Hides controlling behavior by pretending to be concerned for your safety.
3. Quick Involvement. Six months or less before living together or engaged. Claims love at first sight. Pressure for commitment. Says you are the only one who can make him feel this way.
4. Unrealistic Expectations. Compliments you in a way that makes you seems superhuman. Over-flattering. Expects you to be perfect. Says, "I am all you need. You are all I need."
5. Isolation. Puts down everyone you know- friends are either stupid, slutty, or you are cheating with them- family is too controlling, doesn’t really love you, or you are too dependent on them. Refuses to let you use car or talk on phone. Makes it difficult for you to go to work or school. Tries to cut off all your resources.
6. Blames Others for Problems. If there are problems at school or work, it is always someone else’s fault. If anything goes wrong in the relationship, it is all your fault. Won’t take responsibility for own behavior.
7. Blames Others for Feelings. Tries to make you responsible for how they feel.
"You’re making me mad." "You’re hurting me by not doing what I ask." "I can’t help being angry." Won’t take responsibility for own feelings.
8. Hypersensitivity. Easily insulted. Sees everything as a personal attack. Looks for fights. Blows things out of proportion. Unpredictable. You can never tell what will upset him.
9. Disrespectful or Cruel to Others. Punishes animals or children cruelly. Insensitive to pain and suffering. Teases children until they cry. Doesn’t treat others with respect. Dismissive of others’ feelings.
10. "Playful" Use of Force During Sexual Activity. Little concern over whether you want sex or not, and uses sulking or anger to manipulate you into compliance. Makes sexual or degrading jokes about you.
11. Verbal Abuse of Any Kind.
12. Rigid Sex Roles. Believes women are inferior to men.
Unable to be a whole person without a relationship.
13. Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde . Sudden mood changes- like they have two personalities. One minute nice, next minute exploding. One minute happy, next minute sad.
14. Past Battering. You may hear the person was abusive to someone else. They say it’s a lie, or their ex was "crazy," or it wasn’t that bad.
15. Threats of Any Kind.
16. Breaking or Striking Objects. Breaks loved possessions. Beats on table with fists. Throws objects.
17. Any Force During an Argument. Pushes, shoves, or physically restrains you from leaving room.
18. Doesn’t Respect Your Property or Privacy.
13 Signs You're Dating Someone With an Abusive Personality
Ever feel like the person you’re with just isn’t treating you right? Feel like you’re on an emotional roller coaster? Trying to figure out how to handle or manage it all? Feeling a bit trapped? … The person you’re dating might be abusive.
Here’s 13 signs that the person you’re dating has an abusive personality.
1. Wants to Be With You Nonstop
At first, it might seem sweet or even normal that your partner wants to be around you all the time. Eventually, however, they can suddenly want to be around you all the time – to the point where it feels suffocating. They want to be with you constantly. If you indicate going out with friends, they’ll suggest a double date instead 0r they’ll openly show their disappointment. Sometimes, this is simply indicating they were hoping that they’d get to see you… In short, when you’re not working, or in class, or doing anything significant, they want you to spend your time with them.
2. Jealousy and Insecurity
Your partner might always be checking in, monitoring your whereabouts, asking where you’re going and who you are with. They’ll ask about your other friends, especially those of the same gender, and even demand that you “unfriend” a person, or stop talking to someone.
They may follow you around, surprise you at work, or troll your social media. They might even question why you’re home late (even if it’s just minutes), or check your car mileage! They might accuse you of cheating, or worry you will cheat, and constantly say they are afraid you may leave them.
3. Controlling Behaviors
Very subtly, your partner may control you under the guise of “caring” or being “worried.” This ties back to wanting to be around you nonstop. They may expect you to constantly be in touch with them, or tell them your plans. They may control your money, how you spend your time, and who you’re friends with. They might expect you to ask permission before you do certain things. They may even accuse you of being unable to make smart decisions, and put you down, saying they are only “looking out for you.”
4. Quick to Commit
In the beginning, things move quick. The person you’re dating may want to jump into a relationship almost immediately. It feels too good to be true, perfect even, and they tell you this.
They shower you with compliments, and gifts, and feelings of love and belonging – and then they quickly ask you to become their partner. If you’re not ready, they might even pressure you until you feel you have to say yes.
5. Need to Isolate
They may, over time, pull you away from things in your life so that they become the center of most of your daily activities. They might put down your family or friends, and get upset when you spend time with them. They may dislike you going out with co-workers or being in places without them. They may put down your job, or your boss, or prevent or delay you from getting to work or school so that you will simply quit (and have more time for them). They might not let you use the phone without them nearby. They might offer to drive you everywhere. Eventually, you no longer have a moment away from them and they’ve somehow taken all of your resources away.
6. Easily Shifts Blame / It’s All Your Fault
Your partner may get easily upset, or experience difficulties in their life, yet they rarely take ownership or responsibility.
They may blame their boss, co-workers, family, friends, roommate – or you. When things go wrong in your relationship, they always make you feel as if it’s your fault. Every argument is somehow because of something you’ve done. They make you feel bad, or somehow responsible, for what they’re dealing with. They might even get upset at you out of the blue, leaving you entirely confused.
7. Always Feels Attacked
The person you’re dating might always feel attacked – by you or by anyone. If you try to talk to them, they think you are blaming them or being unfair. In fact, everything seems to be ‘unfair’ to them. They think that you don’t care. They think their boss doesn’t value them. Everything is some big injustice being done to them, even in the smallest, most unimportant of circumstances.
8. Disrespectful or Cruel to Others
Maybe you feel respected (maybe), but you can’t help but notice how unreasonable they are to others – particularly animals or children.
They may have high, unreasonable expectations. They might bully and tease others until they cry. They may discipline or show reprimand in loud, scary, and even violent ways. They may even literally be cruel towards animals, e.g. they may push, kick, punch, or throw a pet, or even simply threaten to hurt or kill a pet.
9. Denies Stories of Being Abusive in Past
They certainly won’t admit to this, but perhaps you’ve heard that they mistreated a partner in the past. In most cases, they will lie to you and come up with some story or excuse to explain what you’ve heard. They may turn the tables and say that their ex was the abusive partner, or simply that they were “crazy.” They’ll ask if you trust them, and explain that you shouldn’t listen to everything you hear.
10. Split Personality / Short Fuse
One minute they are wonderful, and the next they explode. They may exhibit sudden mood swings out of nowhere. You feel like you are always walking on eggshells. You never know when they might suddenly get upset or why.
It’s like Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde. One minute they are loving and gentle and you feel safe, and the next they are loud, scary, and angry, or sad and depressed.
11. Puts You Down
Whenever you have something good going on, or something to celebrate, they may find a reason to minimize it. When you try to dress up nice, they may question your outfit, ask who you’re dressing for, or tell you that you look terrible. They might make fun of your appearance, or your friends, or your career, or your daily life choices. They tend to criticize pretty much everything you do, to the point where you start losing confidence and doubting your overall worth.
12. Disrespects Your Belongings
In moments of anger, or in an attempt to put you down or feel in control, they may disrespect your belongings. In an argument, they might throw your things. They might threaten to destroy your possessions, like your car. They might minimize what you own. They also might take advantage of your possessions, your money, and your space.
They might take advantage of the money you earn, ask to use your car, or expect to hang out at your place whenever they want.
13. Controls With ‘Fear of Violence’
They may never touch you, but they may do other things to make you feel unsafe. When arguing while driving, they may drive erratically and make you feel scared. They might throw objects around in a fit. They might punch a wall, slam a door, or yell at the top of their lungs. This kind of explosive anger instills the ‘fear of violence’ which results in you complying with whatever they want to keep yourself safe.
How are you feeling?
The above personality and behavior traits are major red flags. Feel torn in your relationship? You’re not alone. In fact, people that act like all of this above, can also act really sweet and loving on other days. When you’re in a committed relationship, you learn to understand and empathize with your partner’s struggles. You want to help them and stand by their side.
You’re committed. You love them!
Unfortunately, these red flags mean things will only get worse. It’s not even necessarily their fault. At some point in their lives, they have learned that these behaviors are normal responses in life. They’ve learned that they are appropriate behaviors in a relationship — but they’re not. You won’t be able to change this, ever. They have to want to change themselves. And even at that, it’s a seriously long process.
It’s not always the easiest decision, but it’s the smart and ‘right’ decision to leave someone who is abusive. When you stay, you put yourself in escalated danger (I know). Consider this article a gift of awareness. From here, you can start to decide what to do. In any case, talk to someone and seek help. You deserve love and someone like this can’t give it to you. “This too shall pass….”
If you are experiencing ANY of the above behaviors, you may be a victim of abuse… Things will only progress and get worse.
You may not feel ready to leave. You may want to keep trying. However, acknowledging your situation at least allows you to be more self-aware. For real-time help, call any anonymous hotline for free and confidential advice – local, state, or national.
About: Ashley Bendiksen is an expert in domestic violence, teen dating violence, and sexual assault prevention, as well as transforming after abuse. She is a top youth motivational speaker, leadership speaker, and survivor speaker. She also coaches survivors of abuse 1:1. Ashley offers presentations for schools/colleges and educational conferences. She also offers professional development for first responders, victim services providers, and workplaces. Request Ashley to speak.
Do not marry guys of these zodiac signs - they are terrible workaholics
Astrology can influence many aspects of life, including the attitude to work. Most people look for information about the signs of the zodiac to understand what qualities they have and how they can use them in their professional life.
In this article we will tell you which of the men is considered the most hardworking.
Man of the zodiac sign Capricorn
Capricorns are famous for their labor qualities. Their motivation at work is to achieve high results and become the best in their field. In addition, representatives of the earth element are constantly striving for development. They see work as a way to achieve goals. Bearers of the Capricorn zodiac sign have incredible endurance and willpower that allows them to work long hours, day after day, without any sign of fatigue. These guys often put more than their share on their shoulders and keep working until they achieve the desired result.
How to find a workaholic husband according to your zodiac sign. Photo © Shutterstock
Aquarius man
Aquarians are an example of hidden workaholics who work hard, but don't necessarily show it to others. They tirelessly strive to acquire knowledge and improve their skills, so they constantly study new materials and watch educational videos.
Their whole life path is a kind of favorite pastime and work. Yes, let the owners of the Aquarius zodiac sign may face difficulties and inconveniences - this does not deprive men of doing things with passion and enthusiasm.
Man of the zodiac sign Virgo
Virgos can work without vacation for many years, especially if their financial situation is unstable. They constantly worry about the possibility of losing their job or income, so they prefer to work harder than others. All for the sake of a sense of stability and security. Virgo men are determined and disciplined and are ready to deny themselves rest time and time again in order to achieve their goal. Ultimately, their diligence and dedication can bring professional success and the respect of colleagues.
How to identify a hardworking husband by his zodiac sign. Photo © Shutterstock
Man of the zodiac sign Libra
Libra, despite the penchant for creativity and aesthetic activities, in most cases are hardworking people.
They strive for top notch work. Men of this zodiac sign are often perfectionists. If they do not have important things to do, Libra does not waste time in vain and does something useful so as not to feel like bums. After all, it is important for representatives of the air element to maintain the image of responsible and purposeful people. This can make it difficult for them to find work-life balance.
Find out how soon you will be lucky enough to meet your soul mate or what changes are planned in love affairs. Together with the psychic, Life has already drawn up a love horoscope for the first week of March.
Under what signs of the zodiac the best wives in the world are born
The most loving men according to the sign of the zodiac
Sooner or later we all understand that the most important quality of a man is the ability to unconditionally and faithfully love his woman. And everything else will follow. Therefore, we asked our astrologer to tell you which of the zodiac signs love is as natural and as necessary as breathing.
Do not thank!
Tags:
Psychology
Zodiac signs
Family life
Horoscopes
Romance
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Vera Khubelashvili
Becoming a Leo, Taurus, Scorpio or anyone else, we will inherit some qualities inherent in these signs that determine our inclinations, give the rudiments of character, but - note! - do not become the only component of such a complex structure as the human psyche. Although the stars give people certain qualities, this does not mean at all that by doing so they limit us in the means and strength of expressing our feelings.
While reading the article, compare your own observations with those given here, and if you find interesting coincidences or categorical discrepancies, be sure to share them in the comments: this will be useful for further research in the field of astrology.
In addition, it should be recalled that the relationships of different people are built on compatibility factors, including astrological, therefore, some signs perceived by each other as terrible partners for relationships are in fact simply incompatible. With someone else at the same time, they can form an ideal union.
RAK
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Cancers deservedly have the status of the most romantic sign of the Zodiac. Is it possible to identify such men at the top of the rating? Like everywhere else, it has its pros and cons. From their position, based on the depth of mental anguish and judging by the amount of attention shown, Cancers are the undisputed leaders in this area of human relationships. However, not all so simple. It should be understood that not every woman needs precisely those signs of attention that the Cancer man pays to her, and he, with all his sensitivity, may not notice her real needs.
Nevertheless, for the most part, it is Cancers who embody the very archetypal image of a romantic admirer, who is rightly called both a fan who has lost his head and the most sincere lover. And yet, keep your ears open - make sure that the Cancer man really revels in you, and not in his feelings for you.
How did your relationship develop with Cancers? Have you noticed how much more romantic they are than representatives of other signs of the zodiac?
Leo
Many women will agree that representatives of this zodiac sign are one of the most passionate lovers. And yet, does that make them loving? Yes. Many women need just such a life partner: confident, strong, exuding power and magnificence. Of course, not all that glitters is gold, and many will consider Lviv to be selfish, but such men are selfish only until they meet the woman they consider worthy of themselves. If you are lucky enough to be Leo's chosen one, you will make sure that from that moment his egoism has ceased to be a personal privilege, and now it has become a way to distinguish the two of you already, as a couple that has advantages over the whole world around.
If you really attracted a Leo, then he will shower you with blessings and attention, and representatives of this sign know how to take care like a king.
Have you managed to achieve such a level of mutual sympathy with the Lions? Or do these men seem to you to be overly proud and completely devoid of a romantic streak?
AQUARIUS
The third in this rating, but quite capable of competing for the first place in terms of the level of romanticism, were Aquarius. In fact, in the nature of their sign there is no original romantic guide, and they orient their love vector according to what their beloved makes them feel. In other words, Aquarius men consciously adjust to you, trying to fulfill any of your wishes that they have learned about. Someone will perceive such behavior as insincere, but this is a delusion. It's just that Aquarians think first of all about your needs, and not about their own. This contrasts them with signs such as Leo, Scorpio, Capricorn or Taurus.
Meanwhile, not every woman wants to see a male performer next to her, because some love to obey, so such “submissive” love for them can be perceived as something of no interest.
Write, did Aquarius manage to find those very threads in communication with you that would make you feel the power of their love?
ARIES
Aries men not only have every reason to be in the top four, but they can even compete with other contenders for the first place. As mentioned earlier, everyone shows love in different ways, and the strategy of Aries is very similar to what Lions do: they try to present themselves from the most favorable angles, brag, show the best sides of their character. At the same time, Aries are also very attentive to women. They are serious about your needs and wishes, although they do not elevate them to an absolute with the fanaticism that is sometimes inherent in Aquarius. For many women, Aries is an ideal loving partner, because he manages to harmoniously combine the best qualities of many signs of the zodiac: he is strong, sensual, confident, attentive, caring.
Often women speak of their Aries men as ideal, but here we must remain objective, because for all of us, a loved one looks perfect. However, everyone has flaws, and not every woman needs exactly what Aries is able to give her. It happened to hear the opinion that the representatives of this sign are unilinear in their attitude - as you can guess, the representatives of those signs that need regular emotional shake-ups - Scorpions, responded. However, this is only a special case, since for the most part both signs are perfectly compatible with each other due to mutual passion.
What can you say about your communication with Aries? Did you manage to build the perfect union? If not, what was the obstacle? When writing a comment, do not forget to mention your zodiac sign.
LIBRA
Libra is very democratic in relationships. They do not demand unquestioning obedience and do not allow themselves to be controlled, advocating complete equality in the family.
For many women, this option is ideal, and therefore it is fair to place Libra here, just above the middle of this very conditional rating. As you know, feminism had different degrees of its manifestation - from radical to highly symbolic. In its most average expression - in the social sphere - it will just have the most fertile ground in alliance with Libra. You will never be reproached for being a woman who does not have the right to interfere in a topic that does not concern you, but they will never make concessions for reasons that you are a representative of the weaker sex. Everyone invests in the family in the same way - the main thesis that characterizes the majority of men belonging to this zodiac sign. Considering how many women lack a personal one, striving to raise their partner to the same level with themselves everywhere, men, Libra look like an ideal life partner. As for romance, there will be no shortage of it. Even on the intimate sphere, this propensity of Libra for beautiful and loving deeds is projected.
Have you noticed that Libra is more romantic than other signs? Based on the 10th scale, how strong is the degree of your mutual understanding with the representatives of this zodiac sign and who are you according to the horoscope?
GEMINI
Gemini is a sign of impermanence, and therefore reviews of their activities in the field of love relationships are very different. Of course, the answer lies in astrology, which explains that contradiction is one of the main features that govern the representatives of this zodiac sign. In this regard, it is very difficult to give some kind of exhaustive description that could reflect the average behavior of Gemini men in the love sphere. It's fair to say that Gemini makes a favorable impression on women. At the same time, representatives of this zodiac sign are very amorous, so at first the relationship looks like a meeting of two halves, inspired by mutual feelings. However, the Gemini are windy and fickle, and therefore they have a lot of broken hearts on their account - and broken ones not out of malice, but only because of their own inability to prevail over the aspirations of the unbridled element of the wind.
Geminis are almost impossible to force into seriousness, but this very boyish lightness fascinates many women. Being close to the men of this zodiac sign, it is very easy to experience romantic euphoria and vitality.
Have you been able to get along with the spontaneity of Gemini? What steps did you take to come to an understanding?
PISCES
Men-Pisces are very reminiscent of Gemini in their contradictory nature. Their behavior is just as difficult to predict, and their actions to explain. When communicating with Pisces, you often feel like a person who has recently lost his memory, because you cannot remember what provoked the current mood of your partner. Do not strain yourself, you have nothing to do with it, because such is the property of Pisces: they are fickle and cannot explain to themselves the motives that control them. But, at the same time, these men are very attractive, they have the strongest charisma. Inconstancy and internal conflicts only add spice to your relationship.
Women often say that they are attracted to this male willfulness, which they interpret as a complex device of the inner world - and they are often right about this. This is not to say that Pisces are ideal partners or romantic lovers, but they have a little bit of everything. The ambiguity of character does not allow putting them at the top or at the very bottom of the rating - only somewhere in the middle.
It is very interesting to know your experience with Pisces. What difficulties arose? Did you manage to overcome them? Share.
CAPRICORN
Capricorns are reserved in life and demanding in love. Often these are respectable men who know exactly what they want - and such confidence attracts women. But it should be noted that many Capricorns do not try in any way to live up to what they claim. They will tell with an authoritative air what a woman “should”, but when asked what they offer her, they will most likely answer: “Themselves”.
As in the case of any other sign of the Zodiac, there are no "pure" Capricorns, because there are no reference sanguine or choleric people, but the qualities described above are inherent in most of these men. It is fair to accuse Capricorns of selfishness, because of which it is very difficult for men born under this zodiac sign to fall in love with someone without making an effort. Nevertheless, confidence often comes into their hands, and many women think: "If he behaves this way, then he probably has the right to do so." It is not so difficult to get used to the quirks of Capricorns, and in everyday life and family life they are quite adequate people who, after setting priorities, responsibilities and family statuses, do not cause problems for partners.
Write about your relationship with Capricorns. Have you managed to build a strong alliance?
TAURUS
Taurus do not seem like skilled lovers and do not have incredible natural charm.
Their main tool is perseverance, and if fate has turned out so that you have become the object of attention of Taurus, then be sure that he will make a lot of efforts to win your favor. He can be a very inventive suitor, if circumstances so require, or he will prefer to follow the classic line of behavior in amorous affairs. But stay vigilant: for all their virtues, Taurus are terrible egoists. A woman for them is a means of satisfying needs, and this is the consumer attitude of the representatives of this zodiac sign in the blood. When entering into a relationship with Taurus, you can become something of a thing to use as the need arises if you do not indicate your role in your union in time. Most of the Taurus have dulled natural sensitivity, and therefore it is difficult for them to become good suitors.
Are there those among you who managed to build a long and happy relationship with a Taurus? Can you call your partner romantic?
SCORPIO
Scorpions are a complex sign.
He is not controversial, like Gemini or Pisces, but astrologers always have difficulty when they try to speak out about him. The fact is that really multi-level and intricate processes take place in the psychology of such people, because of which Scorpions often do not what they say, or say not what they then do. In this regard, one cannot judge Scorpios by their actions, and relationships completely turn into a boiling cauldron, where rage and passion boil to an equal degree. Scorpio is a wonderful seducer, and his charm alone would be enough to get first place in this rating, but objectivity should be maintained, since the intention to build a relationship with Scorpio is not a spiritual urge, but a real temptation, and those who are subjected to it, known to risk dooming their lives to suffering. It is difficult to get along with the requests of Scorpios, and if you are not ready to shoulder a heavy burden, beware of the men of this sign: they will love you, but in a very peculiar way.
And how difficult was your path of rapprochement with Scorpio?
SAGITTARIUS
Sagittarians give the impression of very romantic natures, and, in principle, this is true. Only their romance is short-lived. They want to love everyone and always, which is why they are known as the most unfaithful husbands. Relationships with representatives of this zodiac sign can bring a lot of disappointment, and think thrice before saying yes to him. This does not mean that it is impossible to create a strong alliance with Sagittarius, but this initiative will require very great efforts both on your part and strong-willed efforts from a partner who resists the temptations instilled in him at the moment of birth. Sagittarius can love - purely, sincerely, even all his life, but be prepared that at one terrible moment he will have a need to pay attention to someone else. Such a property cannot characterize the representatives of this zodiac sign as the most loving men.
And although such a threat remains only a possibility, within the framework of this conditional rating, Sagittarius is given the penultimate place.
Tell us in the comments about Sagittarius in your life. Perhaps you yourself have long been happily married to a representative of this zodiac sign?
VIRGO
It would be wrong to call Virgos unloving or emotionless people, but their sensual world is immersed somewhere very deep, where it is incredibly difficult to penetrate. Too representatives of this zodiac sign are cautious and detached from others. Trying to see loving men in them, you run the risk of not noticing anything. It will take a long time to kindle their romantic qualities in Virgos, push them to take independent steps and be more open to you. Only the most attentive, capable of catching the most subtle love vibes of a woman are able to distinguish attractive partners in Virgo who, in gratitude, will show sincere reciprocity to them.
