Building inner confidence

How to build self confidence | Confidence

Confidence can be a tough thing to build up. We've put together some handy tips to help you out. If you're still having a hard time even after trying these self-help ideas, don't worry! We’ve also listed the ways you can find extra support and work on boosting your confidence with the help of others.

What is a confident person?

Not everyone is born with an inbuilt sense of self-confidence. Sometimes it can be hard to develop confidence, either because personal experiences have caused you to lose confidence or because you suffer from low self-esteem.

A confident person:

  • does what they believe is right, even if it’s unpopular
  • is willing to take risks
  • admits their mistakes and learns from them
  • is able to accept a compliment
  • is optimistic.

Tips for building self-confidence

There are a number of things you can do to build your confidence. Some of them are just small changes to your frame of mind; others you’ll have to work on for a bit longer to make them familiar habits.

1. Look at what you’ve already achieved

It’s easy to lose confidence if you believe you haven’t achieved anything. Make a list of all the things you’re proud of in your life, whether it’s getting a good mark on an exam or learning to surf. Keep the list close by and add to it whenever you do something you’re proud of. When you’re low in confidence, pull out the list and use it to remind yourself of all the awesome stuff you've done.

2. Think of things you're good at

Everyone has strengths and talents. What are yours? Recognising what you’re good at, and trying to build on those things, will help you to build confidence in your own abilities.

3. Set some goals

Set some goals and set out the steps you need to take to achieve them. They don’t have to be big goals; they can even be things like baking a cake or planning a night out with friends. Just aim for some small achievements that you can tick off a list to help you gain confidence in your ability to get stuff done.

4. Talk yourself up

You’re never going to feel confident if you have negative commentary running through your mind telling you that you’re no good. Think about your self-talk and how that might be affecting your self-confidence. Treat yourself like you would your best friend and cheer yourself on.

5. Get a hobby

Try to find something that you’re really passionate about. It could be photography, sport, knitting or anything else! When you’ve worked out your passion, commit yourself to giving it a go. Chances are, if you’re interested or passionate about a certain activity, you’re more likely to be motivated and you’ll build skills more quickly.

If you’re not feeling better

Sometimes the quick fixes don’t help in the long term. If you’re feeling bad and things just don’t seem to be improving, it’s worth talking to someone who knows how to help. Professionals such as counsellors and psychologists can help you develop strategies to help you build up your confidence. They may also be able to help you understand any underlying problems that might be causing you to feel bad about yourself.

Want to chat with a peer worker who can listen to you and support you? Book a free, text-based session with ReachOut PeerChat.

If you don't feel ready to speak to a professional, try taking a look at ReachOut Online Community. Talking out your worries with a supportive community of people who have been through similar situations can be a really helpful way to build your self-confidence.

What can I do now?

  • Get personalised support for when you're feeling low with the ReachOut Nextstep tool.
  • Remember that it takes time and persistence to build your self-confidence. Learn more about self-talk.
  • Want to chat with a peer worker who can listen to you and support you? Book a free, text-based session with ReachOut PeerChat.

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12 Rules of Inner Confidence: Owning your Amazing

[This post is part of the curriculum for the digital, self-paced Fierce Love Course for women who to want to cultivate a strong sense of self-worth, inner resilience, and delicious kindness for themselves.]


Life gets easier when you genuinely feel an inner confidence. Not cocky self-absorption or a fake-it-til-you-make-it attitude, but true comfort in your skin, radiant openness with others, and an understanding of your uniqueness.

You are amazing, babe!  It’s time for you to own it.

In my coaching practice, I’ve found a lack of trust and self-confidence can distract even the most vibrant woman from truly enjoying her life. And I want you to enjoy your life! We are made for celebrating! And laughter! And soul level clarity! And feeling damn good about our abilities and ourselves.

Inner confidence is a gift that plays out in so many ways. And best of all? It’s something you control.

So what are the secrets to Owning Your Amazing? Read on, woman, read on.  I’ve got 12 rules for you to try on for size.



Do you think of hope as a combination of crossing your fingers, looking at the world through rose-colored glasses, and sending your wishes out into to the Universe? I used to… and then I found out that hope is something we can all practice; it’s something we could learn to use. Hope is a positive thought process (not an emotion) that boosts your self-confidence.

Hope helps you to keep putting in the hard work, even in the face of adversity, because we believe we are deserving of good things. Optimism makes it easier to get up, brush ourselves off, and start again with even more determination because we believe we are capable.

Practicing your positive outlook reinforces your sense of personal power. You are powerful, gorgeous. You can create change in your world. You can accomplish your sparkly or wild or daring dreams.

(Click to tweet)

Positivity is not naive — it’s a sign of strength. Practice it in your self-talk, the way you share with others, your assumptions about the future, and by graciously accepting compliments.


You are blessed with strengths. When explored and nurtured, they can be used to achieve inner confidence and activate your Amazing. Expression of our strengths makes us feel like our real selves. It invigorates us! It excites us! It makes us crave more ways to use those strengths!

And concentrating on our strengths is so much more fun than trying to force ourselves to become better at things we usually suck at, right?

A strength may come naturally to us, but we do need to make the choice to use it. Even if we are naturally creative, or brave, or diligent, or playful, or fair, we must still craft our lives so we get the chance to express our signature strengths on a daily basis.

We can absolutely find ways to use our strengths in work, love, play, and parenting when we are conscious of them. It’s just a matter of clarity and activation.

Turn it ON, hot stuff!


Personal power is not about using force or manipulation to overcome, but rather, it’s about realizing our natural state of goodness. It’s about trusting our worth. It’s about harnessing our energy and confidence to make a positive difference in the world by simply being ourselves.

The incredible thing? You are already immensely powerful.

Perhaps you don’t feel it yet. Perhaps your natural radiance is muddied up with years of bottling your own opinions, of trying not to offend, of working desperately to shore up your “weaknesses” instead of expanding your innate talents.

But let me say this again: You are already immensely powerful.

When we believe we are good at a core level, it becomes more comfortable to function in this crazy, stressful world. We know how to treat others. We know how to treat ourselves. We know how to weed out the bullshit and return to the pure basics of the “good life”.


When you’re on a quest to rev up your confidence and Amazing, indulging in the comparison game and allowing it to fill you with envy is one of the worst things to do.

When you look at someones life and wish you had their cash flow, or partner, or adorable house, or amazing talent to seduce bartenders, there are two things that can happen:

1) You feel worse about your own life and resentful towards that person. You assume they have their shit together and you don’t. You get envious. Your successes seem to pale in comparison. You spiral into jealousy and a feeling of hopelessness. Why don’t you have what they have? You’re more deserving! It’s not fair!

2) You feel inspired. You think that it’s awesome that they have “that” in their lives. You take a moment to consider if it’s something you want in your own life. Does it fit into your definition of success? It does! You realize that if they can do it, so can you! You study. You plot. You start taking action. The dream stays alive and vibrant in your mind, because you know someone who has it/has done it!

The action is the same — comparing yourself to someone else. The reaction is the moment of choice — will this harm or help you? Most often, we have no clue how to use comparison to inspire us. In that case, it’s time to stop the comparisons.


How often do you answer questions with “I don’t care” or “You decide” or “Whatever you think”? If you find yourself continually passing the ownership on decisions, you are telling your inner self that YOU don’t matter. You are sending a signal that your opinions or preferences don’t need to be stated.

(click to tweet)

I’m not saying you can’t express love or compromise by letting some- one in your world decide where you eat tonight or the proper format to present the big idea to the boss, but I am saying if it’s a habit, you are losing chances to build your confidence.

You’re a person. You have an opinion. And your opinion matters. You won’t always get your way (and you shouldn’t!) but you should know where you stand on things and be able to share that with others.

Speaking up is an easy way to practice fully inhabiting your life. Pick the movie this weekend. Choose the flavor of ice cream. Make the choice of what to do for girls’ night.

You’ve got this, babe!


You, just as you are, are incredible. You, with all your freak flags flying or quirks on full display or idiosyncrasies rockin’, are perfect. In a tiny frame or with lush curves. With straight A’s or working hard to scrape by. When you tip your barista or when you turn down a party invitation. No matter! You in full force is what the world needs.

I don’t want you to let the notion of being nice or being liked or being popular hold you back from being You. Ditch the masks! Stop hiding behind others ideas of who you should be! Do things your own way and your inner confidence will soar.

Yes, there are a million photographers and bloggers and teachers and lawyers and artists and service reps out there. There are continents full of mothers and daughters and lovers and wives. Streets packed with dancers and letter writers and pie bakers.

But there is only one YOU.

You make a gorgeous impression in this world. Gifts and flaws, moments of grace and gutter balls, triumphs and let-downs. Really getting this concept can rock you to the core.

Talk about owning your Amazing!


What might happen if you took away your fear of failure, your anxiety about making the wrong decision, or your self-doubt? Can you imagine what beautiful adventures you’d have? What kind of art you’d create? The positions you’d run for? How quickly you’d quit your mind-numbing job and find your real purpose? The difference you’d make?

The amount of brilliance you could put into the world blows my mind! You are capable of so many magical things right this moment, sugar.

We each need to learn how to face our fears and trust our choices. It’s not about eliminating your fear; it’s about recognizing that it’s present, understanding that it won’t kill you, and taking the big step/ chasing the brilliant dream/stretching what you think is possible anyway. It’s about beginning before you think you’re totally ready, when the idea is still tender and precious. It’s about stretching our capacity for uncertainty.

Clarity and knowledge come from action, not ruminating on doubts or unknowns. The only way to really know what is possible and how much you’re actually capable of is to just start DOING.

(click to tweet)

It’s time to stop doubting yourself and your desires. It’s time to DO. Eat those fears for breakfast, baby!


As adults, we tend to shy on the side of underwhelm. It’s not cool to be excited about the Sting concert or new neighbors or the fact that your grocery store is finally carrying sesame butter. It’s not hip to dance around in celebration of your new client. We bottle our emotions or only share complaints because it’s so much more acceptable to be critical or sarcastic or blasé.

Allowing yourself to go gaga for a new recipe, an amazing line in your novel, a new crush, or your brand new website feeds your childlike soul. Showing enthusiasm towards anything is a gift to you — a way to guarantee that you won’t fall into a too-cool-for-school slump of apathy.

Let things light you up! Share your passion! When you get excited about the little things in life, you’re reminding yourself that your delight is important.

And any reminder that YOU are important fuels your inner confidence.


When you are living your life on your own terms, you’re going to have haters. By challenging your life’s status quo, you’re going to make others feel uncomfortable because they see your change, your sparkle, and your bravery as a direct judgment on the choice they are making to stay small, unhappy, or unhealthy.

Vocal haters will speak up and question your declarations, call you names, make a big fuss about the choices you are making in your personal life. Sneaky haters will try to sabotage your efforts, question your motivation, and smile to your face while whispering behind your back.

None of this “hate” is about you. It’s about how your choice to make deliberate decisions, to stretch, to declare that you are enough just as you are, and to own your Amazing is making them feel about themselves. Your haters are feeling threatened, scared, bewildered, or self-righteous. They’re lashing out at you because they’re not sure how to address the inconsistencies or lack in their own life.

That’s not on you, honey, that’s on them.

Your job? Ignore the haters. Feel empathy, or pity, or amusement — but do not let them get under your skin. It’s not your duty to please others; it’s your duty to honor yourself in whatever way feels authentic.


Integrity. Wholeness. Honor.

Big words, eh? With them comes big responsibility. Building our inner confidence requires us to take accountability for our actions and reactions. When you stand up in your life and declare your intention to live fully, love hard, lead responsibly, honor your joy, you’re also declaring your intention to take responsibility for your choices.

It may not always feel this way, but we always have choice.

Choices to wake up with a positive attitude. Choices to be generous with our love. Choices with how we live our lives and what we stand for. Choices to follow through with our word. Choices in how we treat others. Choices in how we treat ourselves.

Truly realizing our ability to choose and honor our integrity helps us claim freedom in our dreams, our actions, and our quest to live intentional lives. Give weight to your word and your actions, lovely. The effort is worth the self-respect it creates.


When you are gorgeously confidant in your own gifts and ways of expressing yourself in this world, you can celebrate the awesomeness of everyone around you without feeling threatened or lacking. You can cheer your competitors on! You can celebrate the wins of your colleagues! You can have genuine admiration for the brilliant ideas of your gal pals! You can appreciate the genius of your partner!

The flip-side of that statement is true as well. When you celebrate others’ Amazing, you are sending hints — little love bombs of inspiration — to your psyche. When you appreciate someone’s compassion, spunk, or productivity, you’ll discover compassion, spunk and productivity in your own life.

What we notice and celebrate in others will show up more often in our own world…

Build your belief in abundance, the power of support, and the beauty of individuality by truly treasuring the amazing people in your life.

I’m betting it will come back to you in bold, beautiful ways.


Looking for a mega dose of confidence-building juice? Share your gifts. Use your talents to give back to your community. Start a side hustle that allows you to offer your strengths to people who need them. Give out and give generously with your time, energy, and talent.

The world needs you to bring your Amazing to the table.

Removing the “me” from our concerns and interest for a bit (whether it’s for an hour, day, or week) fuels our soul and sense of connection in a miraculous way. By sharing our gifts, we are confirming the fact that we have something worthwhile to contribute, that we make a difference, and that our presence is appreciated. All of which is juicy proof for building our inner confidence.

Putting ourselves out there by helping a neighbor, volunteering for a cause we care about, teaching a child how to do something we love, or starting a business honoring our true calling is good for us and good for the world. Win-win!

Are you Ready to Own your Amazing?

Ready to rock your inner confidence? Ready to step out into this big, brilliant world of ours armed with Fierce Love and an electrifying sense of self? I’m ready to witness the fireworks, shifts in the Universe, and wild dance parties that will undoubtedly happen because…


Own it babe!

Molly Mahar is a coach, speaker, and writer. She is also the founder of Stratejoy, a positive corner of the Internet that provides thousands of women the tools, strategies and camaraderie to lead authentically joyful lives. She empowers women to live life on their own terms, celebrate their worth, and change the world through individual fulfillment. Molly’s work is delivered through several live and digital group programs, focused on creating YOUR joyful world.

Dig this post? Find out more about Molly’s Fierce Love Course!

Development of self-confidence - Psychologos

January 01, 2006, 10:37 am

Film "Interview with the Guru"

A self-confident person is a successful person. This is not all you need in life, but it is with gaining real self-confidence that begins a life for which you can respect yourself.

Is it possible to develop self-confidence? Yes, it is quite possible. Many young men and women at one time could not boast of believing in themselves, they were not able to impress others as strong and confident people, but they wanted to - and they became confident, developed the necessary qualities in themselves. It is possible and necessary to develop self-confidence, but be prepared for the fact that this work is not always fast and involves efforts in several, quite different directions. This is the creation of a strong life base, and the development of useful chips, and strengthening a sense of self-confidence.

Film "Sheikh Hamidov"

The one who has ground under his feet is confident in himself: a knowledgeable, experienced, professional, prepared and protected person. Nothing builds self-confidence like strong friends and good security! It is impossible for a person - a "dummy", an incompetent person, to learn to be confident without developing himself: it's the same as bringing down the temperature of a patient, instead of treating the disease.

To feel confident, learn and gain experience: develop communication skills, learn to get to know each other, speak in front of an audience - learn the things that are important to you. Get smart: read good (not empty) books, write down your conclusions, discuss your conclusions and thoughts with smart people. Make sure that you are surrounded more often by reliable friends whom you would like to be like. Real confidence is one that has something real, a real life base under it.

On the other hand, it's silly to wait for things to work out around you. Confidence starts with you if you start developing it in yourself. To overcome their insecurities and develop their confidence, a person needs to do something with himself. Why isn't this happening?

More precisely, why don't you do it? Someone is a coward, someone is lazy, someone has made it their lifestyle, getting their own benefits from it: the constant help of others and the opportunity to attract attention to themselves. Which of these reasons is about you?

Those who want, look for opportunities, those who do not want, come up with explanations. "I have complexes." "I have low self-esteem." "I'm not confident because my girlfriends are prettier and bolder than me" - you can explain anything, what are you going to do with this? “I don’t believe in all these methods”, “I don’t believe that I will succeed, I never succeed!” - there can be as many excuses and justifications as you like. If it is important for you not to understand, but the result, then remember four points: Energy. Believe in yourself. Confident behavior. Correct life philosophy. Your task is to increase personal energy, acquire a sense of self-confidence, develop the skill of confident behavior and adjust your life philosophy.

Confidence starts with you. Follow the numerous links to this article, set yourself feasible tasks and begin to develop the necessary skills and qualities in yourself. Start working on yourself. How? See →

  • How to develop self-confidence
  • Author N. I. Kozlov
  • 1. Work on oneself
  • Video

Comments (6):

Guest, February 26, 2013, 10:05 pm

Thank you very much for the article, but how not to turn confidence into self-confidence or aggressiveness, or in audacity?



Guest, April 01, 2018, 2:57 pm

Self-confidence is not only faith in yourself and in your strengths, it is primarily self-respect, so there is no talk of arrogance and speech maybe. Usually aggressive and arrogant people are those who do not respect themselves and others.

Guest, December 02, 2018 10:36

Good article, something to think about..

Guest, October 4, 2016 10:30

Excellent article. "The one who has the ground under his feet is confident in himself: a knowledgeable, experienced person, a master of his craft, a prepared and protected person." The only thing, it may make sense to replace the word professional with the phrase "master of his craft", since a professional is one who has a profession, but not the fact that a person is a master in the business he is engaged in. Sincerely.

Guest, September 30, 2017 5:04 pm

So you want to say that self-doubt is just one of the many ways to manipulate others? I basically thought so.



Guest, October 05, 2017, 11:57 PM

Sometimes uncertainty is just uncertainty.

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Confident people are not born, but become. Because self-confidence is not an innate quality, but rather a skill that you can develop on your own. How to do this and become more self-confident, advises Oksana Patselya, business coach, coach and career consultant.

What is self-confidence

Self-confidence is our own perception of ourselves, our capabilities and level of professionalism. It is expressed in the form of a positive assessment of one's own skills, abilities and strengths to achieve significant goals.

Healthy self-confidence is responsible for:0032

  • wide social circle,
  • resistance to difficulties.
  • This does not mean at all that a self-confident person does not have a feeling of doubt and fear. On the contrary, he also doubts and also experiences fear and excitement when he starts something new, encounters obstacles, takes a step into the unknown. But he is helped by an inner strength - the very core that, relying on the accumulated experience, existing competencies and abilities, says: “Yes, it's not easy, but I can handle it. I will do my best and I will succeed.”

    Self-confidence ensures that you will succeed. Low confidence, on the contrary, causes missed opportunities and unfulfilled desires.

    Self-confident people make useful acquaintances more easily, are more in demand in the professional field, move up the career ladder faster and easier.

    How to Become Self-Confident: 10 Tips

    Confidence is not necessarily an innate factor. Most often, this is the result of many years of hard work, the development of open thinking and good habits.

    To develop self-confidence, you need desire, perseverance, consistency, and most importantly, your actions. You can attend confidence building trainings, talk to subject matter experts, read articles and books. At the same time, your self-confidence will not grow even a millimeter if you do not make your own efforts.

    I have prepared 10 tips that will help you develop your self-confidence and keep it on a long-term basis. So that in the future you can confidently overcome emerging obstacles and recover faster in difficult situations.

    1. Set goals for yourself
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    3. Recognize your accomplishments

    Once upon a time, you had to make an effort to learn how to ride a bike, get an education, complete your first resume, get a job, increase your income, improve relationships with colleagues. Even if today the accumulated experience and the results obtained seem completely insignificant, it is thanks to them that you have developed certain skills and achieved success. Tracking achievements helps to better understand your strengths and consolidate the positive experience gained, which is the foundation of self-confidence.

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    • Take a piece of paper (several is better).
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    • From the resulting list of skills and actions, it will be easy to identify the strategies that dominate and support you.
    Achievements (all successes and achievements in work and life) My actions (what specific actions led to these achievements) (who or what surrounded during this period) Emotions (what emotions / feelings did this achievement cause then and now)
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    4. Create a supportive environment

    We all need to know that there is a person who believes in us and will support us in difficult times. Your task is to communicate more with just such people. If there are toxic people in your environment who say that you can’t, you can’t cope, you won’t succeed, minimize, or better yet, completely eliminate communication with them.

    5. Use your strengths

    Build on your strengths in professional development. To do this, you need:

    • to study yourself and your characteristics well;
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    • understand what specific actions will help develop your growth areas.

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    6. Find something to do for your soul

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