Boyfriend was abused as a child

About the National Sexual Assault Telephone Hotline

Need help?

Call 800.656.HOPE (4673) to be connected with a trained staff member from a sexual assault service provider in your area.

How does it work?

When you call 800.656.HOPE (4673), you’ll be routed to a local RAINN affiliate organization based on the first six digits of your phone number. Cell phone callers have the option to enter the ZIP code of their current location to more accurately locate the nearest sexual assault service provider.

Telephone Hotline Terms of Service

How can the hotline help me?

Calling the National Sexual Assault Hotline gives you access to a range of free services including:

Confidential support from a trained staff member
Support finding a local health facility that is trained to care for survivors of sexual assault and offers services like sexual assault forensic exams
Someone to help you talk through what happened
Local resources that can assist with your next steps toward healing and recovery
Referrals for long term support in your area
Information about the laws in your community
Basic information about medical concerns

Is it confidential?

The National Sexual Assault Hotline is a safe, confidential service. When you call the hotline, only the first six numbers of the phone number are used to route the call, and your complete phone number is never stored in our system. Most states do have laws that require local staff to contact authorities in certain situations, like if there is a child or vulnerable adult who is in danger.

While almost all callers are connected directly to a staff member or volunteer at a local sexual assault service provider, a handful of providers use an answering service after daytime business hours. This service helps manage the flow of calls. If all staff members are busy, you may choose to leave a phone number with the answering service. In this case, the number will be confidential and will be given directly to the organization’s staff member for a callback. If you reach an answering service, you can try calling back after some time has passed, or you can choose to call during regular business hours when more staff members are available. You can also access 24/7 help online by visiting online. rainn.org.

Who are the sexual assault service providers?

Sexual assault service providers are organizations or agencies dedicated to supporting survivors of sexual assault. The providers who answer calls placed to the hotline are known as RAINN affiliates. To be part of the National Sexual Assault Hotline, affiliates must agree to uphold RAINN’s confidentiality standards. That means:

Never releasing records or information about the call without the consent of the caller, except when obligated by law
Only making reports to the police or other agencies when the caller consents, unless obligated by law

Agreeing to RAINN’s non-discrimination policy

To learn more about how a provider can become an affiliate of the National Sexual Assault Hotline, visit the Sexual Assault Service Provider information page. Volunteer opportunities for the National Sexual Assault Hotline are coordinated through these local providers. Search for volunteer opportunities near you.

How was the National Sexual Assault Hotline created?

The National Sexual Assault Hotline was the nation’s first decentralized hotline, connecting those in need with help in their local communities. It’s made up of a network of independent sexual assault service providers, vetted by RAINN, who answer calls to a single, nationwide hotline number. Since it was first created in 1994, the National Sexual Assault Hotline (800.656.HOPE and online.rainn.org) has helped more than 3 million people affected by sexual violence.

Before the telephone hotline was created, there was no central place where survivors could get help. Local sexual assault services providers were well equipped to handle support services, but the lack of a national hotline meant the issue did not receive as much attention as it should. In response, RAINN developed a unique national hotline system to combine all the advantages of a national organization with all the abilities and expertise of local programs. One nationwide hotline number makes it easier for survivors to be connected with the help they deserve.

Anyone affected by sexual assault, whether it happened to you or someone you care about, can find support on the National Sexual Assault Hotline. You can also visit online.rainn.org to receive support via confidential online chat.

Types of Sexual Violence | RAINN

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Sexual assault can take many different forms and be defined in different ways, but one thing remains the same: it’s never the victim’s fault.

When a perpetrator intentionally harms a minor physically, psychologically, sexually, or by acts of neglect, the crime is known as child abuse.

Men and boys who have been sexually assaulted or abused may also face some additional challenges because of social attitudes and stereotypes about men and masculinity.

A perpetrator can have any relationship to a victim, and that includes the role of an intimate partner.

Regardless of how the law defines incest, unwanted sexual contact from a family member can have a lasting effect on the survivor.

In cases of drug-facilitated sexual assault, survivors often blame themselves. Remember—you are not to blame. You are the only one allowed to make choices for your body. Using drugs or alcohol is never an excuse for assault and does not mean that it was your fault.

Sexual Harassment - You should be able to feel comfortable in your place of work or learning. If you are being sexually harassed, you can report it to the authorities at your job, school, or local law enforcement.
Stalking - Learn more about stalking behaviors to help you notice them before they escalate—and take steps to protect yourself.
Adult Survivors of Child Sexual Abuse - Many perpetrators of sexual abuse are in a position of trust or responsible for the child’s care, such as a family member, teacher, clergy member, coach, or other children such as older siblings.
Using Technology to Hurt Others - Some people use technology, such as digital photos, videos, apps, and social media, to engage in harassing, unsolicited, or non-consensual sexual interactions.
Sexual Abuse by Medical Professionals - When you go to the doctor, dentist, hospital or physical therapist, or see other medical professionals, you trust them to treat you with respect as they care for your health.
Sexual Exploitation by Helping Professionals - Sexual exploitation by a helping professional is a serious violation of your trust and, in many cases, the law.

Multiple-Perpetrator Sexual Assault - Multiple-perpetrator sexual assault, sometimes called gang rape, occurs when two or more perpetrators act together to sexually assault the same victim.
Elder Abuse - As the number of older adults in America increases, it will become all the more important to be aware of the warning signs of elder abuse.
Sexual Abuse of People with Disabilities - Consent is crucial when any person engages in sexual activity, but it plays an even bigger, and more complicated role when someone has a disability.
Prisoner Rape - If you’re an inmate, a former inmate, or know an inmate who survived sexual assault while in prison, there are resources available to you.
Military Sexual Trauma - Military Sexual Trauma, or MST, is the term used by the Department of Veteran Affairs to describe the effects of sexual violence experienced by a military Service member.
Legal Role of Consent - The legal definitions for terms like rape, sexual assault, and sexual abuse vary from state to state. Consent often plays an important role in determining whether an act is legally considered a crime.

RAINN has given me the courage and strength to stand up for what is right. Julianna, survivor

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11 consequences of childhood sexual abuse

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All too often we hear stories of adults who did not notice what was happening to their child, or attributed disturbing changes in his behavior to temperament, age. Here are 11 mental health issues that children who are victims of sexual abuse or harassment often face.

However, the list is far from complete, and each symptom individually can be caused by other causes. Depending on the age, characteristics of the trauma experienced, the temperament and resilience of each person, symptoms can manifest themselves in different ways.

1. Dissociation

Feeling alienated from oneself is probably the most common defense mechanism by which the psyche tries to shield itself from the trauma of sexual abuse. The mind seems to escape from the body in situations of extreme stress, feelings of powerlessness, severe pain and suffering.

2. Self-harm

Survivors of severe trauma inflict physical harm on themselves in an attempt to cope with their emotional and psychological pain. Studies show that cutting leads to the release of endorphins, which give a temporary feeling of peace and tranquility.

3. Anxiety and fear

Survivors of sexual abuse often have an overactive stress response system. This is manifested in the strongest bouts of fear, social phobia, panic attacks. The body seems to be constantly on the alert and cannot relax.

4. Nightmares

Victims of violence, like war veterans, are tormented by intrusive painful memories and nightmares.

5. Alcoholism and drug addiction

People who have experienced severe mental trauma often seek solace in alcohol and drugs. Experimenting with drugs during adolescence is not normal, especially if the adolescent is aware of the possible consequences.

6. Hypersexuality

This is a typical reaction to an early and traumatic sexual experience. If a child very early begins to masturbate regularly, show sexual interest (in games or in life), most often this is a sign that he was a witness or participant in some sexual activities of adults.

In adolescence and adulthood, hypersexuality can manifest itself in promiscuity, prostitution, filming pornographic films.

7. Psychotic manifestations

Survivors of childhood sexual abuse often experience paranoia, hallucinations and brief psychoses.

8. Mood swings, outbursts of anger, irritability

Children often find it difficult to express their feelings in words, so they show them through actions. Sometimes adults do the same. People who have been severely traumatized often suffer from mood swings, irritability, and brain disturbances that can lead to depression, mania, anxiety, and temper tantrums.

9. Relationship problems, difficulties in maintaining long-term relationships

Victims of harassment often lose trust in others, become fearful of people, so it is difficult for them to maintain long-term relationships based on mutual trust.

10. Regression may be a sign that something terrible has happened.

11. Physiological, psychosomatic and autoimmune disorders

Many doctors and psychotherapists have written that memories of trauma seem to be stored in our body because the mind pushes them away. In psychoanalysis, they are called unconscious, because they often manifest themselves imperceptibly to the person himself. When the unthinkable happens, the mind is saved by using the body to express experiences that cannot be expressed in words.

About the author: Michaela Bernard is a counseling psychologist and psychoanalyst working with children and adolescents.

Text: Nikolai Protsenko Photo Source: Unsplash

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How to survive if you were raped as a child? |

December 10, 2017

Archive audio

Lyazzat Rakisheva was six years old when she was raped by a neighbor and friends. Nightmares, incontinence, huge health problems, new rape attempts - Lyazzat experienced all this in silence, without telling anyone about what happened to her. But the moment came when she realized that she should not carry it in herself, that she should break the taboo surrounding the problem of sexual violence in Kazakhstan - both for herself and for the sake of other women who experienced the same thing as her. She wrote the book "Lyazzat - towards fate." The writer and journalist from Ukraine Irina Agapeeva helped her in this. And this book was presented thanks to the organization of the National Movement Against Sexual Violence #Don't Be SilentKZ. It was created by Dina Smailova, herself a survivor of gang rape. During the UN General Assembly, we spoke with Dina.

And the other day she arranged for us an interview with Lyazzat Rakisheva and Irina Agapeeva and told us about the book herself. But we will start, of course, with the history of Lyazzat.

*****

“Every day from that moment I started having nightmares: this guy came to me in a dream. I was haunted by this masculine smell, I felt sick, the pain was terrible.

“In the evening I played in the street, then I ran home, I wanted to have a rest. I lay down on the couch and then someone comes in. I thought it was my brother. I look at someone pulling off my panties, I look and see a neighbor's guy and others.

How old were they?

“18-19 years old are already adults. He pulled off my clothes, covered me with a pillow and began to rape me. I immediately fainted, I don’t remember what they were doing there. Then I wake up - at three in the morning, I guess, and I'm lying in my child's bed - someone carried me there. There I come to my senses and fall back into a swoon, lose consciousness. This went on for two or three days. My brother came in and asked: “What is wrong with you? What happened to you?" But I can’t get up, everything hurt, I couldn’t go to the toilet. Then every day from that moment I started having nightmares: this guy came to me in a dream. (I was haunted) by this masculine smell, I felt sick, the pains were terrible. I only now understand what kind of pain it was. And most importantly - the smell, this smell was everywhere. When I grew up, I already realized that it was the smell of sperm. My parents didn’t know about it, because no one asked me, I closed myself in myself. ”

Why didn't you tell anyone then?

“I didn’t say it because everyone was not up to me then. Everyone has their own problems, no one asked me. I closed up. I didn't speak at all. I was afraid of everything, I was afraid to open my mouth. I had such a strong fear, I did not know what to do, I did not know what was happening. I was on my own with this problem. Nobody cared at the time."

“I fought them all the time. I no longer trusted anyone, I knew that no one would pity me . If I do not protect myself, no one will pity me, and for the rest of my life I will remain an invalid or a victim.

Please tell me about the path of a six-year-old girl who survived a monstrous trauma to the woman you have become now and wrote this candid book. What happened during this period that gave you the strength to talk about it?

“Here is my mother's sister, she gave me maternal love. When I peed at home, she did not scold, she constantly changed the bed. I spent all my vacations in hospitals. She gave all her love. She told me: "Don't be afraid of anyone, just be afraid of God. Nobody has the right to offend you - remember this."

After that, there were four more attacks on me, because the village already knew that I had been raped. A 75-year-old old man tried to rape me, then a 50-year-old man tried to rape me, then eleventh-graders from school - I broke one head. I fought them all the time. I no longer trusted anyone, I knew that no one would pity me. If I don’t defend myself, no one will pity me, and for the rest of my life I will remain an invalid or a victim. And I didn’t like to complain, I only believed in myself and loved to work. When I got married, I worked in three to five places, and I still work like that. I went to work to forget my problem, my pain in my soul, which, like pus, did not go away.

Then, when I was 30 years old, I met a man, my second husband, who fell in love with me and said: “Don't be afraid of anyone. I am your support, I will never offend you.” Thanks to his love, I got wings and strength, I began to believe in people.

Lyazzat was incredibly hard, she just did a heroic deed, she seemed to have experienced it all over again. Of course, it is extremely difficult for me to describe scenes of violence against a six-year-old child, as a person, as a woman, as a mother.

Lyazzat found Irina Agapeeva after reading one of her books, also based on real events. According to Irina, work on the book was not easy for both of them.

“A person decided to write an autobiography, she frankly laid out everything about herself, and I realized that this matter must be brought to an end. It was difficult that the topic itself is very difficult. I had to pull every detail, every detail out of her, make her remember it all, because people need details in order to believe that it really happened. And Lyazzat was incredibly hard, she just did a heroic deed, she seemed to have experienced it all again. Of course, it is extremely difficult for me to describe scenes of violence against a six-year-old child, as a person, as a woman, as a mother.

The book is about not giving up, that love can save a lot.

But all this was not in vain. Dina Smailova says that Lyazzat's decision to speak openly about her fate helps others to break the silence surrounding sexual violence, seek justice and change society's attitude towards this problem.

“People come to a presentation, open a book, and can't stop staring at it. The presentation went on for three hours - in three hours several people read this book. And everyone came up to us and said: it is read in one breath. The book is about not giving up, that love can save a lot. And when she came to me and found out what we were doing, and met face to face with other victims of violence, she decided that we should open a children's fund and made us such an offer. And she and I have now created a children's fund #NeMolchiKZ, which will help children who have suffered from violence.”

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Lyazzat Rakisheva was six years old when she was raped by her neighbor and her friends. Nightmares, incontinence, huge health problems, new rape attempts - Lyazzat experienced all this in silence, without telling anyone about what happened to her. But the moment came when she realized that she should not carry it in herself, that she should break the taboo surrounding the problem of sexual violence in Kazakhstan - both for herself and for the sake of other women who experienced the same thing as her. She wrote the book "Lyazzat - towards fate." The writer and journalist from Ukraine Irina Agapeeva helped her in this. And this book was presented thanks to the organization of the National Movement Against Sexual Violence #Don't Be SilentKZ. It was created by Dina Smailova, herself a survivor of gang rape. During the UN General Assembly, we spoke with Dina.